


Falling for you

by Harrysbabylou



Series: Falling For you [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, M/M, Minor Character Death, Smut, narry storan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-09-27 07:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 197,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17158100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harrysbabylou/pseuds/Harrysbabylou
Summary: "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Mark Twain.Niall's life is flipped upside down when his mother passes away from Cancer.Finding day to day life harder and harder Niall turns to his best friends Dad for comfort.Harry is more then happy to help Niall through this hard time and slowly things get easier for Niall.Until he falls for Harry that is.And let's not forget the school Bully who becomes an unlikely friend that may push Niall into a load more trouble and heart ache.(This is a Narry with an age gap. Niall is 16 and Harry is 30. Will at some point contain Smut. Bottom!Niall. Will also contain the use of drugs.)





	1. Chapter 1

Niall was sat on a plastic chair holding his mothers frail cold hand in his own. The sound of her heart beat monitor echoed around the room the slow beep grating on him making his eye twitch every now and then. His dad sat across from him his mothers other hand held tightly in his large one and it had shocked Niall when his dad first walked in and held it because he could not remember when she had shrunk to such a small size, it had just happened slowly like everything else over the past two years. 

She slowly got sicker and sicker until she could barely move. She slowly lost more and more hair until there was not a single strand left. She slowly stopped talking because uttering a single word would exhaust her enough to send her into a deep sleep. She had been slowly dying and Niall had not been able to stop it, he had not been able to protect her.

Cancer was a word that nobody wanted to hear. 

Cancer. 

It made people feel sick just thinking about it. 

Niall remembered his mum coming home from the hospital after hearing the word. She had showered until his dad had pulled her out sobbing. She said she felt dirty, she could feel this disgusting disease inside her and nothing would make her feel clean. 

Niall's life had change dramatically that day and he would never get it back to how it used to be.

He would never hear his mother singing to him anymore, never hear her tell him she loves him. He would never eat a meal that she had lovingly cooked for him, he would never get to ask her to help with his homework. He would never get to bring a boy home for her to meet. She would not see him fall in love, get married and start a family. 

She wont see him finish high school and go to collage. He wanted to be a writer and she had always loved reading short stories and poems written by Niall but she would never be there with him if he ever got something published. 

The door creaked open making Niall turn in his seat a sad smile coming across his face when his brother Greg came into the room his face pale and tear stained. He came to a stop at the end of the bed his hand reaching down to rest of their mothers ankle. Greg looked over a Niall his eyes watering with sadness. How was it even possible for any of them to have tears left to cry?

Niall and Greg had grown incredible close over the past year. Niall had most his school friends because watching his mum dying made him lose interest in all the high school drama. Why would he care about love triangles and trying to be popular when his mum was dying and apparently his so called friends found that hard to understand. 

The door opened again and a group of four doctors and nurses came into the room. Niall closed his eyes taking a deep breath his grip on his mothers hand getting a little tighter. He was not ready for this, he would never be ready for this. He did not want to be. Why was this his life? Why was he having to say goodbye to his beautiful mum.

It had started with Breast Cancer. It had been caught to late and they could not operate and she was put straight onto chemo. It started spreading quickly though and the chemo was doing very little to slow it down or shrink it. But it was giving her more time so she carried on not caring about the hair loss or how tired and sick it was making her because it was giving her more time with her family. 

Two years later and they were sat in the living room, Niall was snuggled under a blanket with his mum while Greg and his dad sat on the single sofas to the side. They were watching a film because that was a nice calm activity his mum could join in with without tiring her out too much. Niall was holding her hand with his head resting on her shoulder when it happened. She had started making a strange noise getting Niall's attention, he had lifted his head off her shoulder to look at her. Her mouth was hanging open her eye fluttering around before they closed and her head flopped to the side. 

The cancer had hit her brain. 

That was six hours ago and now they where all sat in a hospital room and his mums life support was about to be turned off. She had done her fighting and it was time to say goodbye. 

Nobody spoke as one of the doctors stepped forward his hands squeezing at Niall's dad shoulder as he passed. A nurse stood behind Niall and he had to resist the urge to bury his head into her side and seek the kind of comfort he would never get again. 

God, he would never feel his mum's arm wrap around him again. Niall blinks rapidly as tears started to fall his chest tightening in panic.

"I'm not ready." He whispered getting to his feet his chair making an awful noise as it scrapped across the floor.

"I'm not ready, i'm not ready." He placed his hands on her cheeks his thumbs rubbing in circles on the cold skin.

"I'm not ready ma." His dad rounded the bed wrapping his arms around his son his chin resting on his shoulder.

"It's OK son, we will do this together, it's time to let her go." Niall let out a sob his head falling forward to rest on her forehead his tears dropping onto the headscarf that was still wrapped around her head because Niall was worried she would be cold if they took it off. 

"I don't know how to let her go. Don't go please." Greg stepped forward joining them on the bed his arms wrapping around them both. 

The doctor looked down giving them a few moments out of respect before he stepped over to the machine pressing a few buttons.

"Are you ready?" He kept his voice low the grief in the room making it impossible for him to do anything but. Niall's dad glanced up giving a quick nod before burying his face back into his son.

A few moments later the slow steady beep that had been driving Niall crazy stopped and was replaced with the sound that had haunted his dreams for too long. 

Niall broke being held tightly by the two other men as he sobbed into his mum's body that was no longer held a heart beat. He had lost his mum and he had no idea how he was ever going to be OK again. 


	2. Chapter 2

It doesn't take long for family members to turn up once they arrive home so it takes a few hours before Niall can sneak out the door his hoodie pulled up over his head to keep some of the cold out as he grabs his bike from the side of the house jumping on quick to get away before anyone notices.

He had been glad that his family had  all drove into London from Ireland when his mum had first been rushed into hospital, but now all he wanted was for them to leave him alone. 

The endless hugs and the sad looks were just too much for him right now so he was going to go to the only other place that felt like home to him.

Liam has the door open before Niall has even climbed off his bike and meets him halfway down the path engulfing him in the first hug that Niall has even wanted today.

The tears flow quick after that and before he knows it he is being wrapped up in a blanket and is  laying on the sofa with Liam wrapped around him, his fingers moving softly over Niall's back. 

Niall closes his eyes listening to the sounds of Liam's heart as he lets himself take in everything they had happened over the past few hours. 

Nothing was going to be the same for him ever again and he was not sure how to process that and start to deal with it.

How was he supposed to understand how someone as kind and loving as his mum was now gone.?

Someone that was always there for him.

She was the person who greeted him at the door when he got home from school with the warmest smile and questions about his day.  
She was the one he went to when he had problems and she always knew how to fix them.  
She was the one who came into his room at night when he was having one of his night terrors and settled him back to sleep.  
She was the one that accepted him when he came out as gay and made sure every other person in his life accepted him just the same.  
She was his everything and she was gone.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because next thing he knew he was being lifted up off the sofa and it was dark. He felt hair tickling his face and could smell apple shampoo and his body relaxed when he realized it was Liam's stepdad carrying him. 

"Harry?" Niall sighs as he is gently laid down on a bed the warmth from Liam's body next to him make his eyes flutter as his body relaxes into the pillow.

"Go back to sleep Niall. I have spoken to your dad and he knows your here for the night. I'm so sorry about your mum." Niall felt a stab in his chest a whimper escaping his mouth at the feeling. 

"She's gone." He can feel fingers in his hair pushing him towards sleep.

"We will talk in the morning. Get some sleep." Niall turns onto his side curling his body closer to Liam the sound of the door closing is the last thing he is aware of before he falls back to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Niall woke up early the next morning taking a few moments to remember falling asleep on the sofa and Harry carrying him up the stairs. 

His mouth felt and tasted like shit so he wiggled out from under Liam's arm straighting out his jumper before leaving the room shuffling across the hall quietly not wanting to wake Harry up.

There was always a pack of spare toothbrushes under the bathroom sink so Niall grabbed one relived to get rid of his morning breath.

Once he was feeling fresher he tip toed down the stairs heading into the kitchen to make himself a tea surprised to find Harry there already.

Niall smiled at the sight of Harry bent over the worktop decorating a cake, his hair pulled back into a messy bun wearing a baggy purple jumper and sweat pants.

Niall had always admired Liam's step dad firstly because he was so quirky and unafraid to be himself and embraced everything life has to offer and secondly because of the way he had brought Liam up like he was his own.

Harry married Liam's mum when Liam was only three years old and they had been an amazing family but sadly Liam's mum died in a car crash three years ago leaving Harry to take care of Liam all by himself. 

Harry was pretty much Liam's real dad and Harry had never once complained about the time effort and money he has had to put into raising a child that was no his own.  
Niall figures Harry saw Liam as his own anyway.

Harry had made Niall feel welcomed into their small group the second he had walked into this house for the first time and it had been like a second home ever since, and Harry has been like another parent to him. 

Niall cleared his throat causing Harry to jump a little before he turned round a big smile on his flour and chocolate covered face.  
"Morning Niall, how are you feeling?" Niall shrugged, because he didn't really know how he felt to be honest, giving Harry a small smile as he started making a cup of tea.   
"Was dad angry I left without saying anything?" Harry dropped what he was doing moving to stand closer to Niall.

"No, he was glad you came here. And so am I." They both fell into silence again after that, Niall making his drink and Harry watching him. 

"So umm... I guess after Liam lost his mum he didn't really want to talk about it so if you want to just be in silence right now then that's fine. But I want you to know I am here for you if you want to talk and I'm sure the same goes for Liam. Anytime you need okay Niall? You can come over or call." Niall nodded looking down as he walked over to the table taking a seat the chair leg squeaking as Niall brings his feet up, his chin resting on his knees. 

Harry turns around and goes back to decorating his cake, Niall wants to ask why he is up and baking at five in the morning but does not really have the energy for a conversation so just settles for watching him, laughing to himself every time Harry swipes his hand across his forehead leaving more chocolate smeared across his face each time. They stay in silence for a long time while Harry washes up and wipes down the side and Niall enjoys how easy it is, he does not have to think and talk and let out any emotions he would rather keep inside at the moment. He can just close his eyes and listen to the sounds of Harry moving around humming a song quietly under his breath like he is afraid to disturbed Niall's peace. 

By the time Harry has finished and is taking a seat opposite Niall at the table pushing a fresh cup of tea towards him Niall is nearly drifting back to sleep, but he forces his eyes to stay open and smiles his thanks wrapping his hands around the mug enjoying the warmth. 

The comfortable silence carry's on as the both take small sips from their drinks, Harry occasionally wiping at his face the chocolate now drying and annoying his skin. 

"What made you decide to bake a cake so early?" Niall's voice sounded almost too loud in the room making him wish he had not spoken. Harry looked a little surprised that Niall had chosen to start a conversation but his face quickly relaxed his eyes lifting up to meet with Niall's.

"Just struggled to sleep and I like to make cakes when I feel frustrated. Gives me something to focus on because I get pretty into it." His slow way of talking was making Niall's eyes feel heavy again and his shoulder sag a little as he relaxed more into the chair. 

"I made chocolate and Strawberry. It was your mums favorite." Niall looked over to the counter where the cake was sitting, strawberries arranged perfectly on top and Niall could remember all the times Harry had walked into his house a large smile on his face and always with a cake like that one in his hand. He could remember his mum laughing about Harry making her fat and placing a kiss on his cheek and she took it from him. 

A lot of people dissapperd from their life when his mum got really sick but Harry still turned up at their door once a week for dinner the same smile on his face and the same cake in his hand.  He would always be thankful for Liam and Harry staying just the same as everything else around him changed so dramatically. 

"She would be upset that I just left yesterday. I didn't even tell anyone where I was going, i just waited until they where all busy and walked out the door." Harry sighed pulling at his lip with his fingers.

"She wouldn't be surprised though and she would be happy that you had somewhere you could go when it got to much. Better then you just wondering around the streets right?" Niall nodded knowing what Harry said was true. This was where he always came when he needed to escape.

When him and Greg had that really bad fight that ended in Niall falling down the stairs and Greg getting a split lip Niall came to Liam and Harry. 

When he came out as being gay and his mum took it so well but his dad and Greg couldn't look at him Niall came to Liam and Harry. 

When his mum came down the stairs after her shower and confessed she had found a lump on her breast Niall came to Liam and Harry.

When he first heard the word Cancer come out her mouth.

When he heard that it was not treatable.

When he heard it had spread and would continue to spread.

When he saw her brush her hair and it was falling at her feet.

When she was so sick from chemo that she could not talk and move.

He always came here because Liam and Harry where good to talk to but they where also good at knowing when he just wanted to be left alone to wallow in misery or when he wanted to act like everything was fine. To be honest he is not sure he would have coped as well as he had if he didn't have this house to escape to.  

"Things are going to be really hard for a really long time Ni, but then it will all come back. You will always miss her but you will laugh without feel guilty and you will carry on living without this weight that your feeling now. The sadness and the grief does go."

"How long did it last for you? When Liam's mum died?" Because Niall can't imagine ever feeling the same as he did before his mum died. Harry looked down into his mug his throat bobbing as he swallowed. Niall didn't mention Liam's mum much because Liam and Harry didn't mention her. The very few times they had Niall had felt something change in the room and he had never wanted to feel that again, but now that his whole life was revolving around that very same feeling he didn't see the point in avoiding it anymore. 

"It lasted a really long time to be honest. We had the shock to get through first because we didn't know, didn't have time to get our heads use to the idea. She walked out the door healthy and happy and never came back." Harry stopped talking and took a deep breath.

"It went though and our lives went back to normal, yes there is a massive hole there but it's not so...exposed anymore. I can breath normally again so that's a good sign." Niall throat started to feel tight his lip wobbling slightly before he can stop it. Maybe he didn't want to know more about Liam's mum after all. 

"I think I should go. I need to be with Dad and Greg right now really." Niall got up running his finger through his messy hair deciding it can wait until he gets home and shower. 

"If your sure that's what you want to do. You alright biking? I can put your bike in the car and drive you?" Niall shakes his head walking towards the door shoving his feet into his trainers that Harry must have slipped off last night before he carried him up to bed.

"I think I need some fresh air so I will be fine. Tell Liam I am sorry for not waiting until he was awake. I will text him later or whatever." Harry looks worried as Niall walks out the house and over to his bike. The seat had gotten wet overnight so Niall pulled his sleeve down to wipe at it.

"You sure about not wanting a lift Niall?" Harry had walked out the house and was standing halfway down the path his face looking a little strained as he watched Niall get onto his bike.

"I'm sure." He knew Harry caught the wobble in his voice so looked away from him as he started peddling. He waited until he was around the corner before he started to sob loudly. 

 

xxxxx

 

When he got home he was happy to see only his dad's car in the driveway meaning none of his family stayed the night. He knew they would be back at some point today as they would be staying until the funeral but at least he would have some time to prepare himself for them this time. 

Bobby and Greg where sat in the living room when he walked in, the TV was off and both where sitting in silence. Niall toed of his shoes and removed his hoodie before making his way towards them flopping down next to his dad keeping his eyes on the wall in front of him and not at the broken men who had always been so strong. 

He is not sure how long they stay like that but it feels like hours before anyone speaks.

"Ya mum wanted us to get things organised quickly." Niall's stomach does a flop and he wonders if he might be sick.

"She has it all organised, made it clear everyone should get here as soon as they could and they did." Niall closed his eyes tightly wanting to tell his dad to shut up but knew he couldn't. 

"I just have to call up the places she booked things with and tell them the date and it's all good to go." Niall curled up moving his body away from his dad as much as he could. His mums funeral. She had only died yesterday, Niall had only just walked back in the door after having to leave because it was all just too overwhelming and he was talking about her bloody funeral.

"I will make the calls dad, and put a notice in the paper so you only have to think about the date. I have the folder she gave me with the music she wanted, she even picked the food." Niall gritted his teeth, even Greg wanted her buried and gone as soon as possible. He did not want to say goodbye yet, he could still go and see her and talk to her. He didn't want her in the ground. 

"She wanted you to read a poem Niall, have you got it ready." Niall stood up so fast he stumbled forward his leg slamming into the coffee table in front of him.

"No I don't have a poem ready. She only just died I am not ready for anything yet! We don't have to be talking about this, ya acting like ya cant wait to get it over with! Its not like a fucking dentist appointment that you just want over and done with so you don't have to think about it anymore! This is mum, my mum and your going to make me say goodbye before I want to!" His chest is heaving by the time he finishes his voice still echoing around the room and his fist clenching at his side. Greg is staring at him in shook his head slowly moving from side to side as he tries to think of what to say, Bobby avoids looking at him as he stands to his feet his body shaking slightly. Niall almost feels bad as he watches his dad wobble over to the door grabbing his coat.

"I'm going to go into work for a bit." Niall lets out a bitter laugh Greg jumping slightly at the sound.

"You are not serious." He watches in disbelief as his dad put his shoes on and pulls the front door open.

"Just a little but of paperwork. Wont be long." Bobby leaves closing the door gently behind him. Niall and Greg listen to the car starting up and backing down the driveway before driving down the road. 

"What the fuck."

"He is struggling Niall, he just want to distract himself." Niall turned towards Greg his finger jabbing towards him.

"Your just as bad as him. What are ya keen to get things sorted now that she is dead? Eager to get on with normal life now we aren't waiting' around for her to die?" Greg stands holding his hands out in front of him like that could calm Niall down. 

"You know that's not true. We are respecting what she wanted, she didn't want this hanging over us she wanted her funeral to be quick because she wanted to think we could start to move on. Niall your angry, we are all angry but don't take it out on me and Dad please." Niall shook his head walking away from Greg and toward the stairs.

"This will always be hanging over my head. Sorry if I need more time." He stomped up the stairs slamming his bedroom door behind him not caring that it was a childish thing to do. He was angry and sad and he wanted Greg to know that. He felt like they didn't understand what this was doing to him.  He couldn't believe that less then 24 hours after she died they where talking about her funeral and his dad was going into work.  

His phone beeped in his pocket while he was pacing his room. His hand was still shaking as he pulled it out tapping the screen to see he had two messages on his phone.

 

Liam: Glad you got some sleep mate. call if ya need 2 i luv u. 

Harry: Hope your ok talk to me anytime.

He let Liam know he would call him later then sent a text to Harry saying thank you then turned his phone off and climbing into bed.

He wished he had stayed with them instead of coming home. 


	4. Chapter 4

Niall tightens his tie before looking at his reflection in the mirror. The suit his mum had reserved for him fit him perfectly and he wondered when she went into the city to sort out all their suits. He hopes she took someone with her so she was not alone making the choice of what the three most important people in her life would be wearing as they said their last goodbyes.

Apparently it only took four days to get everything booked so Niall was now standing in his bedroom not yet ready to bury his mum but having to do it anyway.

He had spent everyday at the funeral home on the run up to today, his notebook sat on his lap as he spoke to his mum and jotted down ideas for his poem.

Niall had wanted to be a writer since he knew how to write. From the age of six he was writing silly short stories for his mum and was also starting to make up his own poems. It was his passion and he was hoping to go to collage to study it more but first he was going to be taking a year off to travel, something his mum encouraged and saved for as she wanted him to see the world before he settled down into education then hopefully marriage. Knowing she would not get to hear his travel stories, see him go to collage and hopefully university, get married, publish his first book and even have his first child made Niall's heart twist in the most uncomfortable way. 

His poem was sat on the edge of his bed fluttering in the wind that was coming in from his open window, opened because when he started putting his suit on he felt like he could not breath and he had panicked.

"Niall, car is here." Bobby's voice drifted up the stairs making Niall stiffen before he grabbed the piece of paper and walked out his room. Niall had not spoken to his dad much as he was either busy making sure the funeral arrangements where still going smoothly or he was running out the door to go to work because that was obviously better then talking to his sons and helping them through this.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs Greg was by his side in seconds walking with him out the door where there were a few people lined up along the road to pay their respect. 

Niall couldn't focus on them even though he wanted to send them all a smile to let them know he was thankful that they had come out for them. All he could focus on was the car in front of him and his mums coffin laying on the other side of the glass. They both walked over and at the same time they kissed their fingers before placing them to the cold glass.

"Hope its how you imagined ma." Niall whispered before stepping back to let his dad move closer. 

They stood around for a few more minutes, Niall's family slowly gathering together before separating into the cars that would follow behind the coffin and take them to his mums favourite church. 

Stepping out at the church was surreal and Niall was sure he was going to jolt awake any second and find this was all just a horrible dream. But then everyone was going into the church and Niall was be directed over to the coffin and it was being raised and he was walking in taking some of the weight of his mother on his shoulders.

Most of it was a blur from there. He remembers helping place the coffin down. He remembers turning to take his seat and his eyes falling on Harry and Liam who where both crying and giving him sad watery smiles. He doesn't remember what the vicar said but that did not really matter as he had came over a few nights ago to go trough his speech and let them add their own little stories to what he already had to say. He didn't remember what his dad and brother said and he would probably feel bad about that at some point but not right now. 

He also didn't remember how he went from sitting to standing in front of everyone, his poem laid out in front of him. He blinked a few times wiping his damp face before speaking, his voice wobbly but still stronger then he thought it would be. This was the last thing he was doing for him mum. She wanted him to write her a poem, possibly the last poem he would write so he could read it to her. This time he wouldn't get to watch her face light up with how proud she was.

Niall cleared his throat his eyes scanning the church before stopping on the familer set of brown eyes. Liam smiled and Niall opened his mouth and spoke. 

"Somewhere in my heart beneath all my grief and pain, Is a smile I still wear at the sound of your dear name.  
The precious word is 'MOTHER', she was my world you see,  
But now my heart is breaking cause she's no longer here with me.  
God chose her for His angel to watch me from above,  
To guide me and advise me and know that I'm still loved.  
The day she had to leave me when her life on earth was through,  
God had better plans for her, for this, I surely knew.  
When I think of her kind heart and all those loving years,  
My memories surround me and I can't hold back the tears.  
She truly was my best friend, someone I could confide in,  
She always had a tender touch and a warm and gentle grin.  
I want to thank you Mother for teaching me so well,  
And though the time has come that I must bid you this farewell.  
I'll remember all you've taught me and make you proud you'll see.  
Thank you my Dear Mother for all the love you showed me.  
Although you've left this earth and now you've taken flight,  
I know that you are here with me each morning, noon and night." Niall was shaking so he snatched up his poem and walked back to his seat as quickly as he could. 

"What beautiful words from Maura's son, she would have loved every second." Niall closed his eyes letting the tears he was holding back fall blocking out the rest of the Vicars words and trying to hold off the sudden urgency he was feeling to get up and leave the church and just keep walking until he was far, far away.

When the service is over and everyone starts to leave the church Niall searches for Liam desperate to be with his best friend. He finally spots him about to get in the car with Harry, probably to head over to his house to the wake.

"Liam!" Liam looks up straight away climbing out of the car and heading towards Niall who was marching over to him.

"Ni." Niall crashes into Liam his arms wrapping tightly around his neck as Liam's wrap around his waist. 

"You done well. You where so brave and she will be so happy with the words you wrote for her." Niall nodded his cheek rubbing against Liam's.

"It's not the same though, it's not the same when I can't see her face and hear her say it." 

"I know-" Liam pushed Niall back so he can grab his face his thumbs brushing softly over the skin. "I know Niall." Niall cries then and pulls Liam impossible closer because Liam does know. He knows what Niall is feeling right now and its so nice to have that. 

"Boys, people are leaving and Niall's family is waiting." They pull apart at Harry's voice Liam using his own sleeve to wipe at Niall face. Niall turns to face his family who are indeed waiting for him but he does not want to go with them. He feels alone when he is with them now and its wrong because he should be closer then ever.

"Why are you not staying for the burial?" Harry shrugs.

"Your dad wanted family only for that part. We will be waiting for you all at the house though." Niall felt himself panic at the thought of them leaving him.

"Your family though and I would like you to stay, I need you to stay." He looks right at Harry as he says this, knows that Harry will pick up on how Niall is feeling. Harry simply nods before walking towards Niall's family. Nobody questions why they are there, everybody knows how close Niall is with Liam and Harry so just easily accepts them joining in on this personal moment. 

And Niall is glad he asked them in the end because this is the part he dreads the most. He is going to have to watch his mum get lowered into the ground ready to be buried. 

Her coffin is already waiting for them when they get there and the Vicar starts talking as soon as they have all gathered round, Liam and Harry standing off to the side a little but still close enough that Niall can feel comforted by them. 

"Niall? I believe you have written one more thing for your mother that you would like to read and place on her coffin." Niall nods stepping forward pulling the poem out of his pocket. He had actually forgotten about this, had placed it in his pocket as soon as he had put his jacket on then let himself forget about it. He wrote this while sitting next to his mum at the funeral home and when he had first read it out loud he was sure he had felt her touch on his shoulder so he decided she would like to take this one with her. 

Niall looked over at Harry who gave him a small smile, this was enough to get Niall started.

"If roses grow in heaven,

Lord please pick a bunch for me,  
Place them in my Mother's arms  
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,  
and when she turns to smile,  
place a kiss upon her cheek  
and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,  
I do it every day,  
but there's an ache within my heart  
that will never go away." Niall kisses the paper he is holding in his hands before laying it on her coffin.

"I love you ma." His voice breaks and suddenly he is sobbing and Greg is grabbing him and pulling him into a tight hug and they are crying on each other not caring about the snot and mess getting on their suits. 

His dad stumbles over to the coffin, one of Niall's aunts holding him steady as he picks up a rose and lays it on Niall's poem. 

He walks over to his sons and they hold each other as the coffin is placed into the ground and they say their last goodbyes. 

Its all finished but Niall feels like there should be so much more. It can't possible take just an hour to say goodbye can it? After sixteen years of his mums love that is all there is too it.

"Niall time to leave." He barely hears Liam as he helps him walk back to the car. 

"How can we leave. She is here. She is alone." The panic is back but stronger this time and Niall can't breath.

They are leaving her. She could be cold. What if she is lonely already? What if she is standing there stuck by her grave and she is watching them all walk away. 

"I can stay with her." He pulls out of Liam's grip but its soon replaced by Harry.

"She is fine Niall, she will want you to be with your family right now. You can come back later if you need to. I can bring you back if nobody else can." Niall nods and lets himself be moved but he cant understand how nobody else is feeling this panic that he is. He cant understand how everyone is so okay with leaving her there. He feels like he is the only one that cares but he cant be? Can he?

Xxxxxx

Once he is back home he feels a lot more calmer and is talking to an uncle that he has not seen since they moved to London three years ago and had completly forgot how much he adored him. 

He glanced over to Harry who was stuck talking to Niall's nan who was an incredible boring woman who could speak for hours about her collection of childhood dolls.

Harry suddenly looked up his eyes catching Niall. Niall had to look away and bite his lip to keep himself from laughing because it was very obvious that Harry was bored out of his mind.   
"How's school then Ni? You got those dreaded GCSE in a couple of months don't you?" Niall talks to his uncle about school and how he is pretty confident about his upcoming test his eyes still flicking over to Harry every few seconds. 

Harry keeps looking back fighting off his own laugh with every look. Niall so wished he could hear what Harry was having to listen to. 

He finally managed to excuse himself and wondered closer to his nan his ears perking up as soon as he got close enough.

"-and then dear I put this lotion in their hair that I make myself did you know, really simple actually, and it works like magic. My babies still look as good as the day I got them. Do you want to see some photos." Niall couldn't stop the snort that came out if he tried. He quickly placed his hand over his mouth and acted like he was sneezing when a few people looked over. 

"Are you alright Niall love?" Niall drops his hand to give his nan a smile.  
"As good as I can be nana, how are you doing? Can I get you anything?" She reaches forwards to take his hand her skin still feeling as cold and rubbery as when he was a kid.  
"I was just telling this lovely man about my dolls, maybe you could fetch that projector thingy of yours and we can have a good old slideshow like we done at Christmas." If there was something Niall was sure off it was that his mum would not want her wake to turn into another doll show.  
"Sorry nan but that is broken, maybe another time." She sighs sadly patting his hand.

"I don't know half the people here sweetie, are any if these lovely ladies yours." Niall feels his cheeks redden at the question and the look he receives if Harry.

"No nana, girls aren't for me remember." His nan tuts before rubbing at an invisible piece of dirt on his face in the way they most nans do.  
"Such a shame. Well I'm sure you will find a lovely- man soon." Niall smiles feeling akward and Harry picks up on it because he clears his throat to get the attention back on him.  
"You know Barbs, I would love to know what you put in this lotion. Maybe I could use it in my hair."

Xxxxxx 

It's a couple of hours later and most people have left leaving just a few family members standing around chatting before they have to leave for their hotels. Niall is in the kitchen washing up when Liam comes wondering in, his tie now lossened and pushed to the side and his white shirt untucked.

"Need help bud?" Niall throws a tea towel at Liam who catches it coming to stand next to Niall.  
"How are you feeling?" Niall has heard that question too many times today but it's different coming from Liam. He knows Liam actually wants to know how he is feeling and not just asking because it's what's expected from him.

"I'm tired and just want everyone to leave. I want my dad to actually sit and talk to me about all this instead of acting like he is too busy or going to work. I want to sleep and stay alseep until this all feels okay again." Liam sighs sadly dropping the tea towel on the side so he can wrap his arms around Niall who carries on washing the dishes his face blank.   
"It's probably his way of coping, keeping his mind busy so he doesn't have to think about it too much. Do you want to come stay at mine tonight? You can talk things over with us and we can eat crap and sleep as much as you want." Niall leans into Liam resting the side of his head on his shoulder.

"I would love that but I should stay here tonight. For Greg." Liam nods before going back to drying up the dishes.

Niall was pretty sure he had the best friend in the world and would always be thankful for having him in his life.   
When he first moved to London and became friends with Liam it had only been a few months since his mum had died in a car crash so he never actually got to meet her but Harry and Liam where still grieving so he had been shown no end of photos and videos of them together as a family. Niall feels like he shared a small bit of their pain because of that. And now they were here with him feeling some of his pain. 

Once the kitchen was cleaned and Liam and Niall had walked round the house once more to make sure they had collected up as many dirty plates, cup and rubbish they could Niall excused himself and went upstairs to change out of his suit. 

He placed his jacket carefully over his chair ruffling his hair up a little to get rid of some of the gel he had put in earlier then removed his tie.

He really wanted to get into his tatty pyjamas and go to bed but his dad would be expecting him down soon and today was not a day to annoy his dad and start an argument.

He was starting to unbutton his shirt when there was a gentle knock on his door and Harry popped his head in.

"Hey, your dad sent me up to make sure you where not sneaking into bed." Niall rolled his eyes but waves Harry in, pulling his shirt off and placing it over his jacket in the chair.

"I have never seen your room before. It's very.... Teenage boy." Niall snorted watching Harry slowly moved around his room looking at his photographs and posters. 

"You gonna put a top on anytime soon so I can deliver you back downstairs. I'm sure your nan has a few new dolls she hasn't told you about yet." Niall grabbed a plain grey too out if his wardrobe pulling it over his head.

"Sorry you got caught talking to her." Harry shrugged making his way back over to the door, carefully stepping over a fallen over pile of notebooks.   
"It made you smile though didn't it? Seeing me suffer. And let's not forget the amazing hair care tips I got." Harry brushed his fingers through his long hair looking rather happy with himself and his new found information about shiny hair. 

"I feel bad. Smiling and laughing after what I have just done today. At the church I felt like I was leaving her behind and then I was laughing. It's not right." Harry frowned placing his hands on Niall's shoulder bending down slightly to look him in the eye.

"Smiling and laughing is okay to do. It does not mean you have forgotten her or don't care. It's just a natural thing to do Niall, let yourself do it and you will find yourself healing a little each time and your mum will be smiling and laughing right with you." Harry pulled him into a hug that he was more then happy to fall into his face burying into his chest, Harry hands laying flat against his back. 

They stayed like that for a while, Harry starting to sway slightly as his hands rubbed in small circles making Niall relax into him more.

"You have been amazing today Ni, what you wrote was so beautiful. You really have a talent there." Niall blushed hiding face further into Harry's chest at the compliment. 

"All these notebooks laying around, do they have more of your writing in?" Niall nodded his face making a scuffing noise against Harry's suit jacket. 

"Can I read some one day? I would love to see more of what you can do." 

"You really want to read them?" 

"Yes of course. Is that surprising to you?" Niall pulls away the blush still on his cheeks as he walks over to his notebooks grabbing the first one he comes across. He holds it out for Harry a shy smile in his lips.

"Here you can take one home." Harry slowly takes the notebook holding it in his hands like its secret treasure Niall had just handed him.

"When I am done can you read some to me?" Niall's eyebrows furrow his head tilting to the side.  
"I guess I could, why?" Harry shrugs taking a few steps backwards towards Niall's door.  
"I like how certain words sound when you say them." Niall blinks one, two, three times then Harry has left leaving Niall stood in the middle of his room a funny feeling twisting in his belly


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm moving back to Ireland." Was not the words he expected to come out of his brother's mouth a week after the funeral. 

It was like the words where floating around in the air for a second, Niall wished they where so he could reach out and snatch then away and crumble them up. 

He blinked a few times the words appearing behind his eyelids like they had been tattooed there.  
I'm moving back to Ireland. 

It didn't make sense.   
But he could just add it to the list of things that didn't make sense anymore. 

"What do you mean?" His voice sound weak, like a confused child. He does feel like a child though because he doesn't seem to understand the world anymore.   
Why do things keep going wrong for him?

Greg cleared his throat his eyes flicking between Niall and Bobby, who didn't look even the slightest bit surprised by his sons announcement.

"It's been my plan since I found out that mum was sick. I was going to let things settle then move back home to start fresh." Niall scoffed his fist curling up at his side.

"Well don't worry about us Greg, as long as you get to start fresh." Bobby groaned running his hand over his tired looking face.

"Does everything have to result in a fight?" Niall stared at him in shook, Greg was pretty much running back to Ireland and his dad was acting like it should just be accepted. That Niall should not get angry and upset?

"We are not fighting about it dad, Niall is obviously going to be upset. I am sorry Niall but I need to do this for me. I am leaving in a couple of days and you can come visit whenever you want." Niall shook his head pushing himself up off the sofa.

"Visit? I don't want to visit ya. You both can go to hell." Niall left the house walking quickly past his bike because he was angry and he needed to walk to calm himself down. 

He couldn't understand what the hell had happened to his family since his mum's death. His dad was practically ignoring them and working every hour under the sun and his brother was going to bugger off to Ireland so he could forget about them all and have a nice new life.

Niall was the only one who actually seems to be grieving his mum still, the only one who wanted to remember her and miss her. 

He rubbed at his arms because of course he didn't have a jumper on and it was still cold, the weather not ready to give into the summer season quite yet. Niall was starting to think his Mum had taken the sunshine with her along with his brother and dad's sanity. 

A car came behind Niall almost pulling to a stop as it reached him.

"Niall mate where you heading too." Niall stopped walking at the familiar Yorkshire accent.  
"It's cold, you need a lift somewhere?" Niall sighed turning to face Louis.  
"Can you take me to Liam's house?" Louis nodded reaching over to pop the door open for Niall smiling when he climbed in.   
"I'm heading there now anyway. Everything ok?"

Louis Tomlinson is Harry's childhood friend and is seen as an uncle to Liam. When Harry suddenly became a single dad and widow Louis packed up and moved as close to Harry as he could and even changed his job. He was now an English professor at London university and Niall really hoped he would be taught by him one day.   
Niall likeeo him because he was childish and came up with the best pranks, but he was also a pretty serious grown up when he needed to be and had helped both boys out before when they where having problems. Niall was pretty sure Harry would have struggled a lot more if he didn't have Louis.

"Just needed some fresh air." Louis tapped his fingers on the wheel glancing at Niall who was slouched over looking out the window.

"Ok. Fair enough." Louis was definitely good at knowing when someone didn't want to talk so he just turned up the radio and continued the rest of the short journey. 

When Louis pulls up in the driveway behind Harry's car Niall get out straightway the anger still bubbling in his chest.

When he barges trough the front door both Harry and Liam spin round from where they were sitting on the sofa.

"Greg is moving to Ireland, like actually moving away in a couple of days. Apparently he wants a fresh start and who cares if he is leaving me and dad." Niall is pacing up and down, Louis now standing in the doorway watching him too.

"And he knows what he is leaving me with too! He knows dad has been working none stop and has barely spoken to me over the past two week but he is still leaving. Like he doesn't even care that I am basically going to be alone. Dad's gone when I wake up and he doesn't come back till god knows what time so I will be alone all the time. Mum never let me be alone." Liam moved forward reaching out to touch Niall but he just pushed his hand away with a grunt.

"Don't touch me Liam, I am to pissed off to be touched. Just...fuck I'm so angry." 

"Me and Louis are just going to go out to the garage. Leave you two to talk." Harry leaves quickly pushing Louis out the door with the him.

"Everything feels so wrong Liam. Why is it all so wrong?" 

"Can I comfort you yet or do you need to get more of your chest?" Niall spin round letting out a loud yell that probably made him sound like a crazy person and could probably be heard a few houses down. 

He let out a soft sigh when he was done.  
"You can do your thing now." He mumbled holding his arms out for Liam who moved quickly to hug Niall. 

"Your not going to be alone because you have me and that's something that will never be changing. You and me are forever ok, you need to be around someone then just get your butt over here and be around us." Niall nodded thanking Liam.

"Now shall we play a game of FIFA and block the rest of the world out?" Now that was definitely what Niall needed right now.

After fighting over the best controller (Niall winning) the boys started a heated match. They where pretty equal at how good they where at playing so they normally got proper riled up playing against each other because the scores would be so close. 

Niall managed to win the first game by just one goal and Liam won the second by two. Now they where near the end of the third and where drawing. His was leaning forward his eyes trained on the screen as he moved his player around working out his next move. 

The front door slammed open as Harry and Louis came stumbling in laughing loudly about something getting Liam's attention, Niall took the chance and made a move getting the ball away from Liam's player and running across the pitch to score just as the game ended.

"Yes bitch! I won. Two out of three you loser." Niall jumped around Liam shouting loser over and over again in his face.

"Liam sucks, Niall rules!" He cheers pumping his fist in the air. Liam grabbed his ankles pulling his feet out from underneath him.   
Niall yelps loudly his body hitting the floor hard.

"Whatever Horan, we all know your the one that sucks." Louis laughs jumping over the back of the sofa his body bouncing a couple of times before he settled.

"Classic dick jokes on a gay man. Love it." 

"Yeah very creative. I'm gay I suck dick well done." Niall pulls himself back to his feet pouting when his back protested a little.   
"I'm going to bruise. Your mean Liam."   
Liam just shrugged it off walking into the kitchen hopefully to get Niall a drink and a snack. 

"You too young to suck dick, I feel as an adult I need to tell you this."

"Shut up Louis." Harry frowned at Louis as he came and sat down with them.  
"No Harry the boy needs to know, don't be sucking the D until your older." Niall raised his eyebrows as Louis let out a dramatic gasp one of his hands covering his mouth.

"Niall have you already sucked the dick? The forbidden fruit? The baby maker? The bum tick-"

"Louis! That enough just stop." Harry cuts in his eyes wide and a slight blush to his cheeks.

"I don't think we need to be questioning Niall on that kind of stuff you freak." Niall just laughs it off knowing that Louis is just joking and being, well Louis. 

"Yeah Lou leave me alone, besides I am sixteen I can do what I want with the D." Niall is sure Harry's eyes grow wider, his blush turning a few shades darker but he doesn't stick around to see. There are snacks in the kitchen after all so that's where he needs to be.

"You staying the night?" Liam asked around a mouthful of Doritos. Niall snatches the packet from him grabbing a handful out.  
"Yep. Will need to borrow your clothes though." 

Xxxxxx

Niall cant sleep and its the most frustrating feeling in the word to be really tired but not falling asleep. Liam had crashed out three hours ago leaving Niall to watch the cloak slowly move until it reached 3am and he had enough of laying in bed. Kicking the sheets off he clambered out grabbing the first top he found, liam's, and pulled it over his head before heading out into the hallway. Making sure to avoid the creaking floorboards Niall made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. He is leaning against the counter looking out the window when he hears the click of lamp being turned on in the lounge. 

Niall finishes his drink before going to see who is up. 

Harry is curled up on the sofa with a blanket and what looks like Niall's notebook sitting on his lap. Niall watches him for a bit as he chews on his bottom lip his finger moving across the page as he reads. It made Niall feel a little shy knowing Harry was reading something that he had written, and some of the stuff in that book was really personal but he felt safe with Harry seeing them. 

He started to feel a little creepy just standing in the doorway watching so he stepped into the room.

"You finding it hard to sleep too?" Harry jumped closing the book like he was not supposed to be reading it. 

"Uh yeah." Niall walked over to the sofa sitting down on the other side of the sofa a small smile on his face as he pointed at the notebook.

"You started reading it then?" Harry looked down almost like he had forgotten what he was holding.

"Yes and I love what I have read so far. You have a way beautiful with words." Niall flushes like he always does when he gets a compliment from someone, its something he has always struggled with.

"What's keeping you up? If you don't mind me asking" Niall settled into the sofa more now that he knew Harry was happy for him to stay.   
"My brain doesn't seem to understand how tired my body is. It won't stop working overtime." Harry places the notebook in the side so he could turn to face Niall more his feet falling to the floor.  
"Want to tell me what going on in that brain of yours then? Might help to get it out." Niall took a deep breath grabbing some of Harry's blanket so he could cover his feet. It would be nice to get his jumbled thoughts out into the open.

"I knew my mum was dying so I had all this time to think about what it would be like when it finally happened. I guess I imagined that I would become a lot closer to my dad and Greg. I thought we would all be there for each other and be the ones to get each other through it. But instead I find out Greg just wants to leave and dad just wants to work and act like everything is fine now. I have never felt so detached from them, I'm not used to feeling so lonely. The house has this coldness too it. I guess it was mum keeping us all warm before." Harry let out a puff if air as he took in Niall's words.

"Everyone reacts different to these things. Your dad probably doesn't want to think about it because it hurts him too much, he lost his wife and trust me the pain of that can be unbearable. Greg maybe just wants to go somewhere where there is not a memory everywhere he turns, maybe he feels like he will never move on if he stays here." 

"But I don't understand that because I want to be surrounded by the memories, I want to feel like she is still around me." Harry moved closer to Niall on the sofa his hands clasping together in front of him.

"About three weeks after Liam's mum, Rebecca, died I had a complete meltdown. Louis found me in our bedroom trashing things. I wanted her to be around me still but it was the reason I couldn't move on and if I had allowed myself to let go of her a little and move some of her things where I didn't have to look or think about them then I don't think I would have lost it so badly." Harry and Liam had never talked about her death before, other then how it happened and that she was missed. Niall had no idea what the time after was like for them both or what they done to get to the happy place they are at now.

"So what did you do?" 

"Me, Liam and Louis packed all her stuff up. The stuff we wanted to keep is up in the loft and the rest we donated. We moved the house around a little so that me and Liam had our own feel to the place and we got on with our lives." 

"After three weeks?" Harry sighed picking his feet up to get more comfortable.

"It was different for me, I had Liam and he was only 13. He needed to see from me that it was alright to be happy again. I didn't want him to think we where going to be stuck in a miserable life forever. And that was how I coped with it, I put my focus on Liam having a normal fun life again. Greg is doing that by getting away from everything that makes him sad. Your dad is going to a place that doesn't give him the chance to think about his pain." 

Niall stays quite as he thinks about what Harry said.  
Should he be more understanding of his brother and dad then? If he just sits back and waits will everything sort itself out as they all get better.

"I can't imagine how horrible it must have been for you, not knowing that she was going to be gone." Harry closed his eyes looking away from Niall.

"I don't think I could even describe it Niall. She was so happy the morning she left. She taught at the primary school, I don't know if we ever told you that. She had this project she was starting and she was so excited to see the kids faces when she told them about it." Harry smiled letting out a small chuckle at the memory. Niall kinda wished he knew what her laugh was like. If he would have heard Liam's laugh in it.

"It was about four hours later that the police came to the door, they had been trying to call me but I had left my phone on silent in the bedroom so didn't know. At first I thought liam was in trouble because he was at that age. Never imagined they would be telling me my wife was killed in a hit and run." 

"That's terrible, what did you do?" 

"I think I just dropped to the floor, I'm not really sure. Its still a blur to be honest. I had to call Louis so that he could be with me when I told Liam. And I needed help getting things sorted because we didn't really have family to help." Niall had noticed that Harry and Liam never had family around at any point. Not even birthdays and Christmas but he had senses it was not a subject to be spoken about so never asked. Something felt different with Harry tonight though. Kind of like they could share all their deepest darkest secrets sat under this blanket in the dull light of the lamp.

"How come there was no family?" Surprising Harry didn't seem bortherd by the question.

"Rebecca's parents disowned her when she fell pregnant because she was so young and unmarried, but she was madly in love with Liam's dad so she didn't care. Then when Liam's dad died she refused to go back to them so ended up alone at a shelter to have Liam." Niall had been told about Liam's dad, he was in the Army and went missing in action before Liam was born, it took three weeks for him to be found and confirmed as dead. 

"I still talk to my mum and she adores Liam but I cut all contact with my dad after he caught me kissing a boy when I was sixteen and tried to beat on me because I was apparently a dirty faggot." 

"Jesus Harry." Niall had no idea Harry had kissed a boy before and had to experience losing a parent because of it.   
It's no surprise that him and Liam's mum where so close they really did only have each other.

"You know I was only seventeen when I married her. My mum nearly had a fit when I first told her but she fell in love with Rebecca as quick as I did and everything was a fairytale from there." 

Harry was only a year older then Niall when he got got married and took on a kid? The idea seemed crazy to Niall. He can't imagine even being in a relationship half as serious as that when he is 17. 

"I wish I knew her." Harry smiled laying his head back on the sofa.  
"She would have liked you. She would have thought you where very exotic with you accent." Niall laughed covering his mouth so he wasn't too loud.  
"Oh god I am so far from exotic. I may have the accent but all I do is sit around and eat, I am so boring and basic." Harry rolls his eyes.

"I don't think your boring." They both smile at each other both moving closer together on the sofa so that Niall can now sit fully under the blanket. 

"I hope Louis didn't make you feel akward, going on about you know what." Niall snorted out a laugh.  
"You can say the word dick Harry. You won't burst into flames." Harry playfully smack's Niall on the leg.

"Shush, your not suppose to be casual about that word at you age."

"Coming from the man who was married and had a kid at 17." Harry chuckled his hand moving to Niall ankle.

"Excuse me I didn't make the kid. I can still claim I was an innocent lovely boy." His thumbs start to rub small circles over the small bump on Niall's foot neither of them noticing it just yet.

"I sometimes forget your not Liam's real dad." Harry hums starting to sound sleepy.

"Me too. He is a great kid, love him loads"

"Your a great dad, you really are amazing Harry." There eyes meet, the feeling in the room changing again and Niall suddenly feels Harry's touch on his foot can feel the warmth of Harry's body under his legs that have some how ended up across Harry's lap. 

"You should probably go back to bed now." Harry's voice wobbles slightly, his breath ghosting across Niall's face. When did they even get this close. Niall doesn't move, finds that his body is stuck and Harry makes no effort to help and just continues to move his fingers over Niall's foot occasionally moving up to his ankle. 

Niall looks down away from Harry's eye to see how close they are sitting. They are practically chest to chest and Niall knows this should feel wierd. This was his best friend's dad, but it felt normal and kind of nice to be honest. 

"Niall. Bed." Niall nods placing his hand over Harry's to get him to stop moving his fingers over his foot, his breath catching in his throat when just for a second Harry entwines their fingers and gives a gently squeeze.

"Goodnight Niall." Niall gets out from under the blanket his movements clumsy.

"Goodnight Harry." He leaves quickly probably making to much noise as he runs up the stairs.

He closes the door to Liam's room quietly then strips back down to his boxers because he feels so hot and he has no idea what just happened but he is pretty sure he just had some kind of moment with his best friend's dad. 

He is shaky when he climbs into the bed pulling the covers over him looking up at the ceiling his eyes wide and his breathing too fast.

Maybe he could just blame it on the time. It is early morning and he has not slept yet so he was just overreacting.

Of course he hadn't had any kind of moment with Harry that was not normal.   
They where talking about things Niall never thought he would get to hear about and that made him feel closer to Harry that's all.

He definitely didn't enjoy being close to him in a way he shouldn't.  
He definitely didn't want to hold on to his hand for a little longer.

He definitely didn't want to know what it would have been like if they both leaned forward a bit more so that the small gap between them closed.

Naill turned to look at Liam sleeping next to him.

Definitely nothing to worry about


	6. Chapter 6

A bell rattled about Niall's head as he pushed open the door to 'The Attic', a music shop that was owned by Harry.

He avoids Liam's stare once he looks up from his magazine that he was flicking through to amuse himself between customers.

He knows the look Liam is giving him without having to turn and see and it's burning into his back making his body heat up.

He browses though the records first before slowly moving over to the guitars that are hanging on the wall, his fingers gentle running over the strings a lazy smile on his face as he imagines getting them down to play. 

Once he had plucked a few strings he moves over to the stack of CDs flicking through to see if there was anything new that he had not brought yet.  
There wasn't.

He let out a hum shoving his hands into his pocket now moving over to the music books. His eyes flickered up at the sounds of someone shuffling around upstairs letting him know that Harry was upstairs right now giving someone a guitar lesson.

Maybe he should have more lessons. Start putting some music to the words he scribbled down.

"Niall." Niall finally turned to Liam the smile he gives him is rather over the top but he thinks he gets away with it.

"Liam. How was school today?" Liam rolls his eyes closing the magazine with a thud before sliding it to the side of the counter.

"It was fine. What are you doing here?" Niall looks around waving his hands around.

"It is a music shop, I am browsing music stuff. I like music Liam." Liam huffs.

"It is also the exact time your brother is leaving for Ireland so I will ask again what are you doing here?" Niall pouts slowly making his way over to Liam leaning against the counter. 

"Look, I get why he is going. I decided to be all understanding and whatnot. But I still don't agree and I am still angry so I decided not to be there when he goes." 

"You are going to regret that." 

"I don't want to talk about it, so how was school?" Liam gave Niall a hard stare but he knew it was a battle he would lose so he gave in easily leaning forward to rest his elbows on the counter.

"It was boring, mostly just revision, the teachers are starting to loose their minds over these GCSE's mate." Niall scoffed starting to pick at one of the leaflets that was stuck on the counter, the edge slightly ripped from all the other times Niall had stood here and picked at it.

"Any drama or gossip, you managed to asked Macy out on a date yet?" Macy was a girl in the same year group as Liam and Niall. She was incredibly beautiful, kind, smart and funny. She and Liam had been shamelessly flirting with each over since the start of high school but neither had yet had the nerve to ask the other out.

Niall had resisted the urge to slam both their heads together and make them a couple for the past three years. 

"Of course I haven't Niall, I don't want to ruin what we have." Niall raised his eyebrows.

"What the hell do you have now? A friendship where you both pretend you don't want to snog each other faces off even though it the most obvious thing in the world?" Liam picked up another magazine to slap Niall across the shoulder with.

"Leave me alone. I will ask her to prom ok? Then when she says no and she never speaks to me again I will blame you." 

"She will say yes. Everyone in the world knows she will say yes. In fact I think every student in our shitty school will let out a sigh of relief that they don't have to deal with your sexual tension anymore." 

The boys fall into silence after this, Liam most likely going into deep thought over Macy. 

Niall could hear more movement from upstairs ignoring the spark of excitement that pinged trough him when he thought about Harry being upstairs.

"I'm probably going to come back to school tomorrow." Liam looked up shocked but before he could answer Harry and a young boy Niall had never seen before came down the stairs. 

When Harry spotted Niall his eyes flickered to the clock. Niall knew he was aware of the time Greg was leaving and was thinking the same thing as Liam.

"Thanks Harry, see you next week." The boy handed over some cash to Harry who thanked him before handing it over to Liam to put into the till.

"Bye Si." Niall watched the boy leave the bell rattling above the door again as he left. Harry let out a breath running his fingers through his curls his green eyes fluttering to meet Niall's.

Niall smiled at him as Harry narrowed his eyes obviously wanting to say something to Niall about his brother leaving but deciding to keep it to himself.

Liam looked between between the two sensing that his dad wanting to go into lecture mode. 

"Can I leave now that you're free to be down here dad? Wanna go get some food with Niall." Harry looked away from Niall nodding once at Liam.

"Take some money out of the till to cover Niall too. I should be home in a couple of hours. Have fun." Niall frowned when Harry turned and walked into the back room. Harry had been off with Niall for a couple of days now and seemed to be spending as little time in the same room as him as possible. Niall worried that he had become to glum and was bringing the people around him down and that was why Harry was deciding to leave a room as soon as Niall walked into it. Was he fed up with having to give Niall advice all the time and hearing Niall complain about his brother and dad?

"You want to grab McDonald's mate? Then head home to play some Xbox if you're still avoiding stuff." Niall eyes lingered on the entrance to the back room and thought about Harry being home soon.

"I best head home after food, face the music and all that." Bobby was going to be really angry at Niall for leaving the house before he could say goodbye to his brother but at the moment he didn't feel comfortable with invading more of Harry's time, something he has never had to worry about before. 

"Okay, whatever you want to do Niall. Your free to head over whenever, so don't let things get to heavy for you at home." 

XX

"Can I have a Big Mac please?" Niall placed his order trying to ignore the way Liam was twitching next to him.

Seconds after they walked into McDonald's Liam had gasped and shoved Niall behind a seat because he had seen Macy sitting with her friends at a booth.

Niall had just rolled his eyes and shoved Liam's face away from him before going over to the counter, he swears if Liam does not ask her out soon he is going to poke his own eyes out. 

"Do you think she expect us to go sit with her?" 

"Probably not Liam, she came with her friends."

"Well what is she doing? Is she looking?" Niall groaned turning to looking over Liam shoulder towards the table Macy was sat at.

"Don't bloody look!" 

"Well how the hell do you expect me to see what she is doing? Oh wait let me just activate the eye in the back of my freaking head for you." 

"Just tell me what she is doing." Niall gasped dramatically slapping his hands up to his cheeks.

"Her and Danny Figs are kissing."

"What!" Liam spun round his voice echoing around the restaurant making a few people look up, including Macy who was sat innocently munching on some chicken nuggets. 

Liam's face went bright red as he shyly waved at Macy who waves back a confused look on her face.

"Your a dickhead and should have gone to Ireland with your brother." Niall laughed loudly slapping Liam on the back as their order was handed over. 

Liam took them over to a table where Macy could not see, obviously too embarrassed to have her look at him.

Liam was still glaring at Niall as he ripped open his food and took a bite of his cheeseburger.

"I hate you." Niall wiggled his eyebrows biting into his own food.

They remained in silence for a while, Niall looking out the window people watching and Liam probably moping over Macy.

Niall really didn't understand why he didn't just ask her out. They had been friends since the start of high school and it was obvious she liked him just as much back. They only had a couple of months left of school then a few weeks of exams before they all head separate ways for collage so Liam was really running out of time. 

If he didn't ask her to prom Niall was never going to talk to him again because he was bound to become unbearable. Thank god Niall was going off to travel.

"You any idea why my dad's been a grump lately?" Niall looked away from the window to give Liam his full attention. It wasn't just him that had noticed it then? He was even like it when Niall was not about.

That was kind of good then, it wasn't Niall that he was annoyed at.   
It was so unlike Harry to get into a funny mood with anyone though so it was still a really wierd situation.

"No idea mate. Adult stuff I guess."

"What adult stuff though?" Niall shrugged.

"Do you think he is lonely?" 

"Why would he be lonely? He has you and Louis, other friends too. He is pretty social right?" Liam sighed dropping his burgur down into the wrapper grabbing a napkin to clean his fingers.

"I mean romantically. He hasn't dated anyone since my mum died. It's been three years and that's a long time to be on his own." Niall shifted around in his seat his eyes flicking around, he didn't know why but the subject was making him feel a little uncomfortable. Liam didn't seem to pick up on Niall's sudden mood change and continued with the subject.

"I would feel bad if he wanted to date but was holding off because he thought it would upset me. I don't expect him to be alone forever just because he was married to my mum. Do you think I should talk to him about it so he knows he can if he wants?" Niall's  head snapped back to Liam panic surging trough him.

"No!" Liam sat back slightly his eyebrows furrowed together and his lips pouting out, shocked by Niall sudden outburst. Niall blushed shaking his head at himself. Maybe there was something in the air because he was being as weird as Harry.

"Don't you think that would be strange Liam? You talking to you dad about him dating. Awkward or what." Liam chuckled picking his burgur back up.

"Maybe your right. Might talk to Louis about it and see what he thinks, he could probably sort something out for dad." Niall opened his mouth to reply but snapped it shut again when he noticed Macy heading their way.

"Hey boys." Liam jumped his knees smacking into the table causing the bottles of drink to wobble slightly. Niall leaned forwards covering his mouth with his hand to hide his amused smile.

"Macy hi! How are you? We are just eating. Obviously. It's McDonald's. Everyone is eating. Apart from you. You are here... Not eating at this moment." Niall closed his eyes getting second hand embarrassment from listening to this. Sometimes watching him with Macy was the most painful experience ever.  
Luckily Macy was pretty used to Liam's odd behaviour around her by now so she just giggled.

"I'm really good Liam thank you, me and my friends are just about to head out but I wanted to say hello before we went." Niall opened his eyes again letting his hand drop to the table as Macy looked over to him.

"I'm sorry about your mum Niall, I was really sad when Liam told me. I hope to see you at school soon yeah?" 

"Thanks pet, going to be back tomorrow." Her smile grew slightly as she reached over to squeeze Niall's hand.

"See you boys at school then. Bye!" 

Niall waited until her and her friends had left before he turned back to Liam.

"Pathetic mate." 

X

Niall creeps into his house closing the door behind him as quietly as he can before making his way towards the stairs. His plan was to go to his bedroom unnoticed by his dad then sneak out the house again in the morning. 

His plan does not work.

"Where were you Niall?" Niall stepped back turning to face his dad, his face blank as he took in his dad's angry look.

"I went to see Liam at the shop then had dinner with him."

"Greg was really hurt you didn't say goodbye to him. How can you not be here to see him go?" Niall huffed out a laugh his arms raising in the air before slamming back to his side..

"Same way he can run off to Ireland. I'm surprised the both of you even cared if I was here or not." Niall turned on his heel heading back to the stairs not wanting to  have this conversation with his dad anymore. 

"Of course we noticed! Your brother was incredibly hurt Niall. Don't you care about his feelings?" Niall came to a sudden stop causing Bobby to stumble back to avoid slamming into him. 

"And what about my feelings? Do either of you care about them because it really doesn't feel like you do! Mum died and all you have done is run off to work and now Greg has run off to Ireland and it's like I am the only one who cares she is not here anymore." Niall notices the way his dad's hands clench at his side's in tight fist, can see the redness creep up on his face and knows he shouldn't push his dad too far but he is angry and he wants to lash out and piss him off.

"Guess it worked out well for you both in the end. You get to work without mum asking you to come home because she is tired and Greg can finally fuck off and do what he wants without the guilt of  leaving her while she is dying." Niall is stumbling into the wall before he even realises that his dad has hit him across the face with the back of his hand. 

He grabs his cheek looking over to his dad in shock. Bobby's expression mirrors Niall's as he looks down at his hand his mouth opening and closing but no words coming out. 

Niall pushes himself off the wall his face starting to sting as he walks towards his room his legs shaking.

"Niall I'm.."

"Fuck you." Niall slams his door shut slumping against it taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down.

His dad had never raised a hand to him before and he never thought he would so Niall was struggling to get his head around what just happened in the hallway.

He was angry and he just wanted to make his dad feel the same. He didn't think he would hit him.

He pulled his phone out of his hoddie pocket sliding down to the floor the wood rattling against his back. 

His hand was shaking as he unlocked the screen bringing up Liam's number, he took a few more deep breaths before pressing the call button.

His eyes closed, his head falling backwards as he listened to the rings. 

Liam didn't answer so Niall hung up letting the phone drop by his side his head falling forward into his hands his body still trying to calm itself down. 

Niall was so fed up with how everything had been since his mum passed. He could feel his family falling apart, he could feel himself falling apart and he felt helpless. He didn't know how to stop it all from happening.

He was just so fucking angry and he wanted to lash out and make everyone understand how he was feeling.

His phone beeped and he was quick to snap it up thinking it was Liam getting back to him. 

It was Harry.

Harry: hey, Liam is out but left his phone. Saw you called everything ok?

Niall starred at the text for a bit before replying.

Niall: all good. Can talk to him tomorrow.

Niall doesn't expect a reply so he climbs to his feet throwing his phone onto the bed. 

He just wanted to sleep and end the day so he pulled his clothes off throwing them into the corner off the room then pulled on some clean boxer before switching the light off and climbing into bed.

He would have to skip brushing his teeth as he didn't want to risk bumping into his dad.

His phone beeped again lighting his room up. Niall frowned reaching for it.

Harry: you sure? You skipped out on saying goodbye to Greg, how are you feeling about that? 

Niall: feel fine. Don't worry, I'm not your problem.

Instead of another text Niall's phone vibrates in his hand Harry's name flashing across the screen. Niall rolls his eyes before answering.

"I said I was fine didn't I." 

"Your really okay with your brother leaving and not saying goodbye to him?."

"Yes." Harry sighs and Niall just knows he is running his hands trough his hair.

"Niall. You may not think your my problem but I really care about you and your important to me and Liam so please, if you want to talk about anything just talk." Niall let out a shaky breath chewing on his lip before answering.

"My dad was pissed so we had a fight. It was bound to happen so I'm fine about it really." Niall touched his cheek with his fingers flinching at the sting he felt at the contact. He wondered if it will leave a mark for school tomorrow. 

"You don't sound fine." Niall sighed dropping his hand back onto the mattress before wiggling further down into his duvet.

"Where was Liam anyway?" Niall asks to try and change the subject 

"He wanted to go see Louis about something, your not going to distract me Niall so just tell me what's on your mind." 

Liam had gone to see Louis. He must still be on this mission to get his dad dating again.

Why did they annoy Naill so much?  
He doesn't see why Liam suddenly wants his dad to date and why he suddenly seems so concerned about Harry being lonely.

Was Harry lonely?

Niall had never thought about it before. He always saw Harry as this happy-go-lucky everything is amazing kind of person.  
Maybe deep down Harry is miserable and does feel alone.

Harry is not the kind of person who should feel like that.

"Your always asking me if I okay and getting me to talk about my problems."

"Do I? Does it borther you?" 

"No not really. What about you though? Are you okay? Anything on your mind you want to talk about?" Harry chuckled making a small smile creep up on Niall's face.

"How about I say something then you say something?" Niall agrees pulling the duvet over his head as he gets more comfortable in bed. Harry let's out a breath before talking.

"I really don't want to go to work tomorrow because I am teaching this really stupid kid guitar and he annoys me." Niall laughs putting his hand over his mouth to keep himself quite. Niall didn't think Harry was capable of getting annoyed with anyone. 

"I'm going back to school tomorrow and I am worried it's going to be full of people saying how sorry they are and giving me sympathetic looks."

"I missed my mum's birthday and I still feel guilty." 

"My mum's never going to have a birthday again."

"I worry I'm not being good enough for Liam." Niall wanted to tell Harry all the ways he was so good for Liam but now they had started these silly little confessions he didn't want to disturb the flow.

"I stopped revising for my GCSE a while ago so might fail."

"I'm pushing Liam too hard to revise."

"I haven't been to visit my mum's grave yet even though I promised myself I would go all the time."

"I don't go and visit Liam's mum anymore."

"My dad hit me." Niall's  grip on his phone tightened, his eyes closing tightly. He didn't want Harry to make a big deal off it, he wants him to just carry on and say his thing next.

"Jesus Niall, should I..." Niall cuts him off because he can't talk about it and Harry was supposed to move on.

"Liam wants you to date again and I don't want you to and I don't understand why." Niall's eyes fly open again his eyelashes brushing on the cover of his duvet. He didn't know why he said that, he hadn't meant to. He counted each of Harry's breaths his own breathing matching. His put his hand flat against his chest feeling his heart beat hammering against his chest.

"Oh." Harry clears his throat and Niall hears what he think is a chair scraping across the floor and he can picture Harry pacing around his kitchen.

"Why does he want that?" 

"He thinks your lonely. He is worried you don't date because you think it will upset him. That's what he is talking to Louis about." 

"I'm not. I'm not lonely, I'm happy how I am now."

"What if Louis does set you up with someone? Will you go?" Harry sighs his breath loud in Niall's ear. 

"You don't want me to? Why... why wouldn't you want me to?" Niall doesn't even know the answer to this question himself. Why the hell does the idea of Harry dating make him feel so frustrated?

"I don't know. But you should date right? I'm just being a stupid kid. You should go on a date and laugh and be happy." He would be kissed and held and loved. Harry deserves that kind of stuff.

"Maybe. I don't know." Niall doesn't know what to say about it anymore so he stays quite looking up at his duvet wishing he knew what was going on in his own head.

Harry stays quite too and Niall wonders what he is thinking. What is he doing? 

He suddenly wishes he was there with Harry. Stood in the kitchen with his having this conversation.

Or would that be awkward? Seeing him face to face while confessing he didn't want Harry to date anyone. 

"Do you want me to talk to your dad? You can come and stay here for a few days if you want?" So they are back to this? 

"Please don't, I don't want him to know I told you, and in pretty sure coming to stay with you would just make things worse." Niall had been spending a lot of time out of the house since his mum died so maybe in order to fix things he needed to be around more and try to move past all this anger he seemed to have towards his dad.

"If that is what you want then okay. Just let me know if you change your mind."

"Thank you, you have been there for me a lot. I really am thankful Harry." 

"I would do anything for you Niall. Just say the word and I will be there." Niall turned into his side his legs curling up as his stomach swirled. 

"Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight love." The both stay on the phone for a few more seconds before hanging up.


	7. Chapter 7

Niall adjust his tie around his neck before pulling his bag further up his shoulders. It's been weeks since he last wore his school uniform and he had forgotten how restricting and itchy it made him feel. 

Liam stood next to him in his matching uniform looking concerned for his best friend.

"You sure your ready to be back here?" Niall tutted fed up with Liam asking him the same question again and again.

He had only been with the boy for an hour and he had already checked if he was okay about fifty times.

"Jesus Liam, I am fine. We got exams coming up I need to get back into this so I don't completely fail." Niall looks around the school building. It's a miserable looking place, like most school buildings, but he has had a lot of memories here they are nothing but happy.

He knows his day is going to be full of people giving him sympathetic looks and either avoiding him because they don't know how to deal with the boy whose mum just died or telling him how sorry they are, like they had a part in her death.

He didn't want to end his time here as the boy with the dead mum. He just wanted to be normal Niall. The Irish one with the loud laugh who dyed his hair blonde for a dare then kept doing it. 

He didn't care that he had lost his handful of friends, he had Liam. And he guessed he has Macy while the two where doing their wierd dance of I like you but don't want to tell you. That was all he needed to enjoy his last moments as a highschool student.

Then it was travel for a year before he hopefully got into the collage he wanted.

"Well looks who back!" 

Well this was one way to start the day he supposed.  
At least he was something that had not changed.

If nothing else Zayn Malik was dependable that's for sure. 

"I was starting to think I lost you buddy! Was getting a little boring." He expects the shove and knows better then to do anything about it. He can feel Liam tense up next to him, knows he wants to say something but after many arguments Liam had reluctantly agreed to not interfere with Zayn anymore. It just made things worse.

Niall glares at Zayn's back as he walked off with his group of friends surrounding him.

"What a twat." Liam grumbles as they both start moving towards the buildings other students running and moving around them.

"God I wish you would let me tell my dad so he would stop giving the idiot free guitar lessons." Niall scoffed jumping up the steps that lead to the schools main entrance.

"Can't believe your dad would even give someone like him lessons for free." The stares starts as soon as they walk into the hallway. People looking over their shoulders at him before turning to whisper to their friends. Niall rolls his eyes nudging his elbow into Liam's side.

"Liam mate, everyone is staring at you." Liam snorts a laugh nudging Niall back before stepping to the side to get to his locker. 

"We got maths first, just to warn you Mr Sykes is being a complete mental head about the exams. You can just play the dead mum card."

"Oh nice Liam, yeah totally going to do that." Liam sends him a cheeky grin before slamming his locker shut and stepping back into the flow of other students as they walk over to Niall's locker so he can grab his workbook. 

They get to the maths room early both surprised to find Zayn standing in the room with Mr Sykes. 

Zayn glares at Niall picking his bag up that had been laying on Mr Sykes desk.

"I will talk to you later sir." He goes to leave slamming his shoulder into Niall as he passes.

"Mr Malik." Mr Sykes says in a warning tone. Zayn pauses his hand on the handle of the door his glare moving from Niall to Mr Sykes. Niall suddenly feels like they interrupted something really Important and there was a bit chance he would pay for it later. 

"Sorry sir." Zayn spits the words out before pulling the door open with so much force it slams into the wall.

"Good to see you back Niall, I hope you have kept up with your study. Please go take your seat." Niall nods walking over to his normal seat in the middle of the room directly behind Liam.

"Crazy head." Liam mutters as he took his seat in front of Niall the bell ringing causing a flow of kids to start filing in. 

Xxx

Niall ambled down the hallway his hallway pass hanging loosely in his fingers as he made his way to the boys toilet. 

So far his morning had been going well. Mr Sykes continued to be a hard arse about GCSE revision but Niall found it more funny then annoying. Now he was halfway through his English lesson and that was his favourite subject, even if he was given a load of revision papers to help him catch up.

He passed a couple of people in the hallway each carrying a hallway pass to match his and each giving him an awkward smile as they passed. 

He reached the boys toilets pushing open the door coming to a halt letting out a huff because of course Zayn Malik would be here staring at his reflection as per usual.

Niall looked away from him making his way to the nearest cubicle hoping to take a piss in peace.

"So mummy finally snuffed it." Niall paused his hands gripping tightly on the side of the door. He slowly turned to look at Zayn who was looking back at him trough the mirror a smirk on his face.

"That's gotta suck man." Niall closed his eyes taking a few deep breaths to keep himself calm. He refused to reacted. He always refused to reacted to Zayn and he wasn't about to give in now even if he took things to far.

He had kind of expected this anyway, Zayn had hated Niall the second he walked into the school on his first day and Niall never understood why. He had enough experience too know that Zayn wouldn't have a problem with mocking him over somthing as horrendous as a parents death.

Naill stepped forward planning to just have his piss then go. Let Zayn say what he wanted to say and just go.

But Zayn apparently had other plans grabbing Niall's shoulder and pulling him backwards until he slammed into the wall.

He smiled down at Niall his arm pushing into Niall's chest to keep him still, the other leaning against the wall next to his head.

"What do we have here." Zayn moved his hand to poke at the yellow bruise that had been left from his dad's slap. 

Luckily it didn't bruise up as bad as Niall thought it would so nobody had really questioned it and Liam was happy with just the simple explanation that Niall had hit his head in his bedside table in the night. 

He felt bad for lying but didn't want to deal with the outburst that would follow Lam finding out his dad had hit him.

Niall winced clenching his teeth to hold back a whine, the skin stinging as Zayn poked at it again.

"Someone else find you as insufferable as I do I see? Maybe we should give you a matching one on the other side." Niall pushed against Zayn as he dragged his hand over to the other side of his face pinching the skin. 

Don't react. Just don't react.

He repeats this in his head determined not to give in and give Zayn exactly what he wants. He refuses to make this more fun for him.

Zayn looks like he is seriously considering smacking Niall across the face but instead let's out a chuckled before releasing Niall and shoving him towards the door.

"You can leave now." Niall frowned moving to step around Zayn to finally use the tolite but Zayn blocks him shaking his head.

"I said you can leave." Niall clenches his fist at his side before turning and heading out the door. 

"Well done mummy's boy. Oh wait. Can I still call you that? Now that mummy's dead." Zayn laughs loudly grabbing the door before it could shut. 

"Bet she thought it was relief to get away from you. Maybe daddy will go next." Niall's lips part a small gasp tumbling out and a pain hit his chest so suddenly that he actually looked down convinced he had just be stabbed.

Zayn walked off his laugh still echoing around Niall. 

Niall stepped forward resting his head on the cold wall trying to get his breath back.

Images of his mum swirled around his head mixed in with his brother and the fight with his dad. The house that was once filled with love and laughter now almost empty and filled with nothing but anger and sadness. 

Maybe his dad would be gone next.  
Not dead but just gone.  
At work. At the pub. Never at home. 

Niall doesn't know when he started but suddenly he is screaming and punching the wall with his fist again and again.

This is how the head teacher finds him. Knuckles bleeding as he hits the wall repeatedly oblivious to the man trying to stop him.

It's not until a small crowd has gathered and Liam had managed to push his way trough that Niall stops collapsing onto the floor his head buried in his best friend's lap as he cries. 

Xxxx

Niall is curled up on Liam's bed his bandaged up hand resting on the pillow in front of his face.

It was broken of course but Niall refused to get himself to the hospital's no matter how much the school nurse asked him to. 

The school had tried to contact his dad but there was no answer so after a lot of convincing Liam finally got them to agree to call Harry up instead who was more then happy to close the shop up so he could come get Niall. He would not allow Liam to miss the rest of the school day though so Niall had said goodbye to a pissed off Liam who wanted to spend the afternoon making sure his friend was ok. 

Harry didn't talk to him in the car other then to ask if he was alright, Niall had mumbled yes before turning his body away from Harry to look out the window.  
Once they arrived back to Liam's house Niall climbed out the car without a word and went straight up to Liam's rooms once Harry had unlocked the door.

Niall didn't want to talk about it, and Harry didn't want Niall going home alone so he spent the next two hours laying on Liam's bed hoping that Harry wouldn't come in to try and talk. 

He doesn't think he would be able to explain the anger that keeps coursing through him.   
Does he need to explain it though?  
Can't people just understand. 

Niall can hear footsteps coming towards the room so he closes his eyes and steadies his breathing so he looks asleep.

Harry opens the door slowly, Niall can picture him peaking his head in the doorway before walking in fully. 

The bed dips as Harry takes a seat behind Niall a soft sigh leaving his lips. 

Goosebumps erupt over his skin as Harry gentle runs his fingers across Niall's cheek and into his hair. 

"I know you're awake." Niall swallows but keeps his eyes closed resisting the urge to lean back into Harry's touch, to enjoy being comforted.

"Talk to me please Niall. What happened?" Niall turns causing Harry's hand to run over his forehead before settling back into his hair again his fingers still moving in small circles.

"Nothing. Just me emotions going haywire. It won't happen again." Harry gives him a sad look edging closer to him on the bed bringing one of his legs up on top of the mattress.

"You where punching a wall. You have wreaked your hand. I think you need to talk more about this, let me know what your feeling. I'm worried about you." 

"I don't need to talk about it with anyone." Niall bites out using his good hand to push himself up. Harry is quick to wrap an arm around him and stop him from getting off the bed.

"Your angry right? And I get that. I was angry when Rebecca died okay. I lashed out and it was scary. You need to talk about it and not let it build up" Niall starred at Harry relived that someone knew how he was feeling but not knowing if he likes it either. Harry was going to push and push at him because he knew that was what he needed but Niall just didn't want that.

"I want to go home." He wiggled out of Harry's grip standing up. His hands was throbbing. He would go home take some pain killers and sleep.

He can start again tomorrow and it might all be better.

"I'm not letting you go home." 

"Ya can't force me to stay here Harry. Home is where I want to be, I don't need this." Harry follows Niall as he walked down the stairs.

"You also don't need to be sat at home alone. At least wait until we hear from your dad and I can know your not going back to an empty house." 

"Well that's going to be a long wait for ya." Harry groaned grabbing Niall's elbow pulling him back and  blocking his body against the wall with his larger one. 

"You are not going." Niall turned his head to the side his face heating up under Harry's angry glare.

Harry rarely gets angry and never before at Niall. For the first time ever around Harry Niall felt like a child. 

Harry's hand drags up Niall's side coming to a stop at his neck, he thumb running over his collarbone. Niall felt small under his touch and found it to be a comfort. He could have easily buried himself into Harry's arms and stayed there for as long as he let him. 

"Don't make me worry about you like this please. Tell me how I can help." Niall shook his head.

"Niall, it's ok to not be ok." Harry wrapped his arms around Niall pulling his body in close to his, his chin resting on the top of Niall's head.

Niall starts to cry then, hiding his face in Harry chest his own arms wrapping around his waist his unhurt hand gripping tightly onto Harry shirt.

Harry gentle moves them down to the floor pulling Niall onto his lap letting him soak his shirt with tears as he places gentle kisses on Niall's hair.


	8. Chapter 8

Niall decided to not go to school the next day and instead spent his morning sleeping and his afternoon working on the revision papers for English he had been given the day before.

At half three liam turned up at his door a smile on his face wiggling a box of hair dye in Niall's face.

"Ready for a pamper sesh babes." Niall stepped to the side to let him in rolling his eyes as Liam skipped past him dropping his school bag on the floor. 

Twenty minutes later they are in the bathroom. Niall sat on the counter with the hair dye on and an old towel wrapped around his neck and Liam between his legs looking down at his hand with a frown.

"You are lucky it was your left hand." 

"Nah, I would have been alright I have you to wipe me bum for me." Liam's nose scrunched up as he took a step away from Niall.

"That's really gross and completly over stepping the boundaries of our friendship. Would you expect me to tug you off too." Niall waggled his eyebrows bursting into laughter from the look on Liam's face. 

"When is your dad home?" Niall shrugged.

"When did you last see your dad?" 

"Monday after we went to Mc'ds. He is at work before I get up and I have no idea when he gets back." The timer on Liam's phone buzzed so Niall jumped of the counter to go bend over the bath tub so Liam could wash his hair out. 

"Thought your dad was normally home by four?" Liam started up the shower his front pushing into Niall's back as he adjusted the temperature.

"Not anymore apparently. Might as well live of me own now mate." Liam moved the shower over Niall's head his fingers working through his hair to help the dye come out. Niall keeps his eyes open watching the discoloured water swirl around the tub before going down the drain.

"You want to come to mine after this? Xbox, junk food and sleep over?" Niall reaches out to pat Liam on the bum.

"Sound good. Thanks." 

They don't talk anymore as Liam washes the last of the dye out then shampoos Niall's hair for him before adding in the conditioner that comes with the dye. 

"I forgot what you even look like with your natural colour anymore. Think you will ever go back to it?" Liam questions as Niall stands up rubbing at his hair with the towel he had around his neck.

"Not sure mate. Maybe when I feel like being a proper grown up." When Niall turned to face Liam again Liam was looking at him fondly a small smile on his face.

"What?" Liam shrugged running his fingers through Niall's fridge.

"You just look more like you now. Fresher. It's really nice."   
"Aww Liam." Niall grabbed Liam in a headlock rubbing a fist over his head his laugh echoing around the bathroom as Liam tried to get out of his grip. Until Liam smacked into Niall's hand causing Niall to shout out in pain and shove Liam away from him.

"Serves you right." 

"Fuck you." 

Xxxxxx

"What are you doing?"

"I'm garding the medical supplies, that dick over there keeps trying to steal them."

"No Liam, your standing in plain sight your going to get yourself killed."

"No I am not."

"Yes you are."

"Nope"

"Yep." A shot rang out and Liam's player falls to the floor his screen turning dull.

Niall snorts keeping his eyes on his own player as he avoids being shot at while taking down two people. 

Liam flops dramatically off the sofa stomping into the kitchen to grab another drink. 

"Get me one."

"Get stuffed." Niall cackle's enjoying how much of a sore loser Liam is.

"I have a broken hand and I am still better then you." He says when Liam comes sloping back into the room a can of cola in his hand. 

"You will have two soon."

"Ohhhhhh a big threat for such a little boy." Liam sits up straight slamming his can down into the coffee table.

"I am not small."   
"Your tiny Liam." Liam's mouth falls open a genuine look of shock on his face.

"I would kick your arse in a fight your little Irish twink." Niall pauses the game turning to Liam with his eyebrows raised.

"You are delusional. Fight me now and I will win." Liam narrowed his eyes before lunging at Niall being careful to miss his hand as he landed on top of Niall his legs going either side of his waist Niall's good hand getting trapped under his legs. 

Niall screams as Liam's fingers dig into his side. He hates being tickled.  
"Get off me your arsehole." Liam stopped for a second to slap Niall's cheek before starting up with his assault in Niall's sides again.

Niall laughed loudly bucking his hips to try and get Liam off him. 

"Liam please." Niall wheezed out starting to loose his breath but unable to stop laughing, tears now starting to gather in his eyes.

"Oh my god!" Niall bucked his hips up again the movement not even slowing Liam down at all.

Neither heard the front door open or where aware of Harry now standing in the room watching the pair.

"Say I am the strongest bitch!" Niall shook his head and was starting to consider hitting Liam with his bandaged up hand and just deal with the pain.

"Liam! I'm gonna throw up." Niall bucked his hips again throwing his head back and this time lifting Liam up enough to release his hand. 

He quickly grabbed a fistful of Liam's hair and pulled him back until he toppled off him with a screech his body slamming onto the floor with a thud. 

Niall's chest heaved as he tried to get his breathing back to normal a giggle erupting out of his mouth every few seconds. 

"So is this like what you boys do all the time? Tickle fights." Niall jumped sitting up on the sofa peaking over the top at Harry. 

"Only on Wednesdays, on Thursdays Liam make me paint his nails." Liam let out a loud drawn out 'heyyyy' from his position in the floor.  
"Like it would be me having my nails painted Mr, please come over and dye my hair." Niall scoffed watching Harry as he placed his guitar bag down gently in the floor, slipping his shoes off and hanging his bag up in the coat rack.

"You here for dinner Niall?" Niall nodded giving Harry a big smile.

"Pizza good?" Another nod.

"Hand feeling ok?" 

"It's was before I decided to hang out with your clutz of a child." Harry chuckled whilst Liam threw a pillow at Niall's head missing him by miles.

"You feeling ok?" 

"Yes Harold I am fine." Niall flopped back down on the sofa just as another pillow was launched straight into his face by Liam 

Xxxxxx

Later that night when Niall was sure Liam was fast asleep he detangled himself from his grip rolling off the bed.

He grabbed a pair of jogging bottoms from the floor, happy to discover they where actually a pair of his own that he thought he had lost.

It was only half eleven and Niall was nowhere as tired and Liam clearly was so he left the room closing the door gently behind him and made his way downstairs.

Harry was sat in the living room the TV on quietly for background noise as he sat curled up with a book in his lap.

The only source of light was from the TV screen and a small lamp next to Harry's chair but it was enough for Niall to be able to see Harry as he walked past into the kitchen. He seemed to be very engrossed in whatever he was reading. 

Niall made himself a mug of hot chocolate carefully carrying it through to the living room placing it down on the coffee table and taking a seat next to Harry. 

Harry didn't look up from his book as he shuffled the blanket around so that it laid over Niall's lap too.

Niall looked down at the blanket a small blush creeping over his face as he thought back to the last time they sat like this. 

How they had gotten close, maybe too close, and how much Niall had actually liked it.

When he finally looked over to Harry he was surprised to see that he was reading Niall's poem book. Niall had completely forgotten that he even gave it too him.

"You still reading that?" His voice came out in a whisper, like he was scared to ruin the peaceful atmosphere that he had walked into. Harry looked up a small smile on his face.

"Yeah. I was actually going over my favourites, some that I think would make great songs. If your would be into that kind of thing that is." Niall eyebrows shot up. He was amazed that someone thought his poems where good enough to be lyrics for a song.

That was what song lyrics where most the time though right? Poems. He had just never thought about putting music to them before. 

"That would be pretty cool. What ones where you thinking about doing it with?" They spend some time going trough the book discussing what they think would make good songs and what kind of song it could be and it's the most fun Niall has had for ages.

This was his comfort zone. Words.   
It felt good to be talking about it with someone who appreciates the beauty of words as much as he did.

Liam was great when it came to anything that Niall wrote and he would always complement and say what he liked best. But it was different with Harry. Harry knew how to make something just that little bit better. He knew that if they changed a verse around in one part and switch it with a piece from another it would take on a whole new meaning. 

This was how he imagined being at uni would feel like. Late nights with people who loved nothing more then playing with words and the meanings behind them when they are put together a certain way.

"Can you do that for me? Make some music and I can sing? Or you can." Harry nodded eagerly.

"Definitely. I will put something together but I think you should sing, they would be your songs." 

Niall feels a bubble of excitement in his belly. If Harry actually does this then Niall is going to have songs, actual songs, that are written by him.

That's pretty cool.

"What one is your favourite?" Niall perks up at Harry's question leaning over to turn the pages until he finds the one. Harry's eyes skim over the page as he reads the words.

"What is it about?" Niall blushes again chuckling to himself as he thinks back to his 14 year old self writing the words. 

"My first kiss. Bradley Peterson. Really good looking but a proper dickhead." Harry giggles, actually giggles and Niall is sure that somewhere in the world a fairy was just born. Or something as magical as that because Harry giggling could make something like that happen.

"And do you write about all the people that kiss you? Am I going to discover some juicy gossip in here?" Harry starts shuffling trough the pages looking like a teenage girl reading Cosmo.

"This is secretly a gossip rag isn't it? Niall you sneak." Niall laughs placing his hand over Harry's to stop him. Harry stops his eyes slowly moving up to meet Niall's. 

"I only write about the ones that matter. It was my first kiss with a boy. I was scared to admit I was gay. The kiss felt right and so did I after that." Harry just looks at Niall his eyes fluttering as he shoved the book into Niall's hand.

"Read it to me. Remember you said you would? Because I like the way you say some words." Niall did remember Harry saying that, at his mum's funeral. He remembered because it was the first time he felt his stomoach flutter at something Harry and done or said. 

Niall got more comfortable on the sofa curling his legs up before he began. He is a little nervous as he starts to read but he soon relaxes into it finding that he does not mind the way Harry is watching him as he reads out the intimate details of his first kiss.

He knows Harry will understand what he is reading. That Harry now knows how he was kissed and where he was kissed. Will know that it got a little more heated then Niall had planned it to.

Unfortunately Bradley had planned for it to get that heated and was not very good at hiding his annoyance when he found out that Niall was not quite ready to have sex with him. He went and told all his friends that he did though. Dick head. 

Niall snaps the book shut when he is finished suddenly super aware of how his voice sounds. He managed to pick out every words that had brought out his Irish accent when normally he would not even notice it happening. 

"That was some first kiss hey?" Niall covered his face with his hands giving an embarrassed laugh.

"You should be proud, my first kiss I headbutted the girl then made her lip bleed. Wouldn't be surprised if she chipped a tooth too." Niall laughed again dropping his hands back to his lap.

"Well I sure hope you got better." Harry looked at him, amusement swimming in his eyes. His eyes that sometimes looked green and sometimes looked blue, Niall likes that. He liked not knowing how they would look day to day.

"Trust me Niall, I got a lot better. Had way to much practice before I met Liam's mum. But at least she got the practiced version off me." Niall snorted dragging his eyes away from Harry's and back to his lap. Looking at Harry could be a little intense sometimes, he was one of them people they you felt could see right inside you to your soul. It could be a little unnerving.

"How's your hand been? Did you dad not convince you to go to the hospital?" Niall shrugged lifting his hand up to examine the bandaged that he should probably change pretty soon. It was starting to get loose around the bottom off his fingers and dirt would be able to get in. Not something he wanted to happen when he could not wash it regularly. 

"Dad hasn't seen it yet." Niall heart lurches at the thought of it being so long since he really saw his dad.

Not since he had hit him.  
Did he even know Niall had Injured himself at school?  
That he had some kind of breakdown that resulted in him punching the crap out of the wall in front of a handful of students?

Would he even care?  
Because that was the thing the worried and upset Niall the most.   
He doesn't know if his dad cares anymore. Maybe losing his wife had hardened him up to the point that he couldn't love anyone anymore even if Niall is his own flesh and blood. 

"When was the last time you saw him? The school would have left a message with him. He probably knows what you done." 

"Not since Monday night. When we had that argument." Harry rubs at his face looking bewildered as he turned to face Niall more.

"What the hell has he been doing? He needs to be at home with you. Does he not see how hard you have been finding things?" Niall smiles sadly playing with a loose piece of string from his bandage.

"He is more worried about being at work. It's like you said the other night, it's his way of coping. It's not like it makes things better when he is home anyway. All we do is argue now." Harry sighs taking Niall's hand in his own lifting it up to look at it closer.

"You really should have gone to hospital."

"If I thought I needed to I would. I doudt it's even broken probably just badly bruised." Harry raised an eyebrow looked ridiculously unimpressed with Niall.

"Have you even looked at it since it got wrapped up? You don't want a messed up hand for the rest of your life do you? It could be really broken, it might heal badly." 

"I will look in the morning if your that worried, now let's stop talking about it." 

Harry pouted, his eye narrowing but he gave in.

"Ok. Let's talk about your travel plans instead. That's something exciting right? Tell me where you plan on going?" 

When Niall was five years old he told his mum that he wanted to see the whole wide world.   
His class had been doing a project on different countries and even at such a young age Niall was obsessed with how different each place was. He wanted to experience it all for himself and it was a desire that never went away.

His mum had started saving as soon as he told her of his dream.

She had traveled when she was younger before settling down to have a family and it had been the most uplifting happiest time of her life and she wanted nothing more then for Niall to have the same experience.

When Niall was fourteen he got a job mowing the lawns for a few of his parents friends and every small bit of money he received he gave to his mum to add to his saving account.

By the time she died Niall had thousands saved up for him, and soon he would receive some money from his mum's life insurance. She had made it clear she wanted it split between her son's.

He had enough to easily get him around the world for a year if he was careful with where he stayed and what he ate.  
Maybe even more then a year if he wanted to carry it on for a bit longer. 

"I don't have a plan. All I know is that I am going to New York first then from there I will be turning up at train stations, or airport and picking a random place. Maybe just go on whatever is boarding next and has tickets. I think it will be more relaxed that way. Just stay in each location for as long as I want then move on. No schedule and no time limits." Niall swallowed his eyes flicking down because Harry still had hold of Niall's hand and was now playing with the tips of his fingers, gently rubbing over the skin not wanting to hurt him. 

"That sound amazing. And so brave for someone so young and on their own. Your going to make some amazing memories. Is there any places in particular you think you will visit if you end up near them?" 

Niall starts listing off places he would really love to go, Harry adding his own input when Niall mentions a place that Harry as actually gone and seen for himself. 

They talk for what feels like hours, Niall with a big smile and his eyes shining as he talks about all the things he could possibly be about to go and do with his life. Harry smiled back just as big excited for Niall and the amazing things he had planned. 

"It's going to be so weird not having you practically live here for so long. Thank god Liam is not moving out I don't think I would like to lose both of you at the same time." 

Niall would definitely struggle to begin with. He was so used to having Liam and Harry to fall back on when he needed them. He had spent nearly everyday with Liam for the past three years and soon he would not see him at all for a whole year. He just hoped liam didn't make too many new friends at collage and not have time for him when he got back.

"Gonna be weird for me too." Niall looks up his breath catching in his throat when his nose brushes against Harry's.

At some point while they where talking they had managed to move closer to each other.

Harry was still playing with Niall's fingers but now his other hand was resting on his hips, their legs tangled together on the sofa. 

"Your going to be fine. Your sensible and really mature. Even if it did go wrong all you would have to do is jump on a plane and your home again" Niall's tounge darted out to wet his lips his eyes fluttering when Harry brushed his nose against his.

"And your mum will be watching over you anyway. She definitely won't let anything happen to you. It's going to be the best year of your life." Niall is aware of the way his body is reacting. That his breath is almost coming out in a pant, that his eyes are closing and worst of all he is getting half hard in his jogging bottoms. He is so aware of this happening but he can't seem to stop.

This is Harry.  
Liam's dad.  
His best friend's dad.  
You don't get hard over your best friend's dad. 

"Niall." Niall shakes his head causing their noses to brush together again sending goosebumps erupting down his back.

Harry's grip on his side tightens, his finger digging into the soft milky white flesh. 

"It's late. Maybe you should head up to bed. It's like really late." But he doesn't let go off Niall and Niall can't even think clearly enough to be able to get himself out of the grip. 

"Niall. Please. You need to go to bed." Niall shakes his head again. He can't remember how to talk or how to breath. Is he breathing? He must be because he thinks he can hear himself. 

He feels himself slowly falling backwards his back hitting the sofa, his body sinking into the softness off it.

"Jesus." Niall's eyes ping open, the panic in Harry's voice bringing him back to his senses a little.

Niall is hard. He is so, so hard and he is laying back on the sofa with Harry staring down at him with wide eyes. 

He doesn't understand what is happening.  
When did Harry start making him feel this way?  
When did he stop being just Harry, Liam's dad. To Harry the man who got him hard in his boxers like he was twelve again and had no control over his own dick. 

Harry is staring right at Niall's crotch, the tent in the baggy material obvious as Niall tried to catch his breath and calm himself down from wherever the hell his head just went.

Harry scrambles off the sofa his hands pulling at his hair.

And oh.

"I'm sorry." Harry mumbles out quickly before rushing out of the room into the kitchen. The back door closes a few seconds later. 

Niall reaches down and pressed on his hard dick a hiss leaving his lips at the feel. 

It felt wrong. So unbelievably wrong.

But Harry had been hard too.

Niall had seen the bulge in his jeans.   
Had seen the look of panic on Harry's face when he realised he was too. 

What the hell had just happened and how where they going to face each other again?

Niall was Harry's sixteen year old sons best friend.

Harry was the thirty year old dad of his best friend. 

This was not supposed to happen. 

He can't actually fancy his friends dad can he?

Niall stands up on shaking legs the blanket falling to the floor in a heap. He moves towards the stairs stumbling and it's like the floor is moving beneath his feet making it impossible to walk straight.

He climbs back into bed next to Liam listening for any sounds from downstairs.

Harry doesn't come up the stairs for another hour and when he does Niall's skin prickles when he hears his footsteps pause outside Liam's door for a moment before continuing to his own room.

A/N So I have pretty much decided that my charger has disappeared to the same place that my socks go.

Sorry for any mistakes again. 

Hope you all enjoyed.  
Things will get pretty interesting from here.

What did you think of the Narry momentNiall decided to not go to school the next day and instead spent his morning sleeping and his afternoon working on the revision papers for English he had been given the day before.

At half three liam turned up at his door a smile on his face wiggling a box of hair dye in Niall's face.

"Ready for a pamper sesh babes." Niall stepped to the side to let him in rolling his eyes as Liam skipped past him dropping his school bag on the floor. 

Twenty minutes later they are in the bathroom. Niall sat on the counter with the hair dye on and an old towel wrapped around his neck and Liam between his legs looking down at his hand with a frown.

"You are lucky it was your left hand." 

"Nah, I would have been alright I have you to wipe me bum for me." Liam's nose scrunched up as he took a step away from Niall.

"That's really gross and completly over stepping the boundaries of our friendship. Would you expect me to tug you off too." Niall waggled his eyebrows bursting into laughter from the look on Liam's face. 

"When is your dad home?" Niall shrugged.

"When did you last see your dad?" 

"Monday after we went to Mc'ds. He is at work before I get up and I have no idea when he gets back." The timer on Liam's phone buzzed so Niall jumped of the counter to go bend over the bath tub so Liam could wash his hair out. 

"Thought your dad was normally home by four?" Liam started up the shower his front pushing into Niall's back as he adjusted the temperature.

"Not anymore apparently. Might as well live of me own now mate." Liam moved the shower over Niall's head his fingers working through his hair to help the dye come out. Niall keeps his eyes open watching the discoloured water swirl around the tub before going down the drain.

"You want to come to mine after this? Xbox, junk food and sleep over?" Niall reaches out to pat Liam on the bum.

"Sound good. Thanks." 

They don't talk anymore as Liam washes the last of the dye out then shampoos Niall's hair for him before adding in the conditioner that comes with the dye. 

"I forgot what you even look like with your natural colour anymore. Think you will ever go back to it?" Liam questions as Niall stands up rubbing at his hair with the towel he had around his neck.

"Not sure mate. Maybe when I feel like being a proper grown up." When Niall turned to face Liam again Liam was looking at him fondly a small smile on his face.

"What?" Liam shrugged running his fingers through Niall's fridge.

"You just look more like you now. Fresher. It's really nice."   
"Aww Liam." Niall grabbed Liam in a headlock rubbing a fist over his head his laugh echoing around the bathroom as Liam tried to get out of his grip. Until Liam smacked into Niall's hand causing Niall to shout out in pain and shove Liam away from him.

"Serves you right." 

"Fuck you." 

Xxxxxx

"What are you doing?"

"I'm garding the medical supplies, that dick over there keeps trying to steal them."

"No Liam, your standing in plain sight your going to get yourself killed."

"No I am not."

"Yes you are."

"Nope"

"Yep." A shot rang out and Liam's player falls to the floor his screen turning dull.

Niall snorts keeping his eyes on his own player as he avoids being shot at while taking down two people. 

Liam flops dramatically off the sofa stomping into the kitchen to grab another drink. 

"Get me one."

"Get stuffed." Niall cackle's enjoying how much of a sore loser Liam is.

"I have a broken hand and I am still better then you." He says when Liam comes sloping back into the room a can of cola in his hand. 

"You will have two soon."

"Ohhhhhh a big threat for such a little boy." Liam sits up straight slamming his can down into the coffee table.

"I am not small."   
"Your tiny Liam." Liam's mouth falls open a genuine look of shock on his face.

"I would kick your arse in a fight your little Irish twink." Niall pauses the game turning to Liam with his eyebrows raised.

"You are delusional. Fight me now and I will win." Liam narrowed his eyes before lunging at Niall being careful to miss his hand as he landed on top of Niall his legs going either side of his waist Niall's good hand getting trapped under his legs. 

Niall screams as Liam's fingers dig into his side. He hates being tickled.  
"Get off me your arsehole." Liam stopped for a second to slap Niall's cheek before starting up with his assault in Niall's sides again.

Niall laughed loudly bucking his hips to try and get Liam off him. 

"Liam please." Niall wheezed out starting to loose his breath but unable to stop laughing, tears now starting to gather in his eyes.

"Oh my god!" Niall bucked his hips up again the movement not even slowing Liam down at all.

Neither heard the front door open or where aware of Harry now standing in the room watching the pair.

"Say I am the strongest bitch!" Niall shook his head and was starting to consider hitting Liam with his bandaged up hand and just deal with the pain.

"Liam! I'm gonna throw up." Niall bucked his hips again throwing his head back and this time lifting Liam up enough to release his hand. 

He quickly grabbed a fistful of Liam's hair and pulled him back until he toppled off him with a screech his body slamming onto the floor with a thud. 

Niall's chest heaved as he tried to get his breathing back to normal a giggle erupting out of his mouth every few seconds. 

"So is this like what you boys do all the time? Tickle fights." Niall jumped sitting up on the sofa peaking over the top at Harry. 

"Only on Wednesdays, on Thursdays Liam make me paint his nails." Liam let out a loud drawn out 'heyyyy' from his position in the floor.  
"Like it would be me having my nails painted Mr, please come over and dye my hair." Niall scoffed watching Harry as he placed his guitar bag down gently in the floor, slipping his shoes off and hanging his bag up in the coat rack.

"You here for dinner Niall?" Niall nodded giving Harry a big smile.

"Pizza good?" Another nod.

"Hand feeling ok?" 

"It's was before I decided to hang out with your clutz of a child." Harry chuckled whilst Liam threw a pillow at Niall's head missing him by miles.

"You feeling ok?" 

"Yes Harold I am fine." Niall flopped back down on the sofa just as another pillow was launched straight into his face by Liam 

Xxxxxx

Later that night when Niall was sure Liam was fast asleep he detangled himself from his grip rolling off the bed.

He grabbed a pair of jogging bottoms from the floor, happy to discover they where actually a pair of his own that he thought he had lost.

It was only half eleven and Niall was nowhere as tired and Liam clearly was so he left the room closing the door gently behind him and made his way downstairs.

Harry was sat in the living room the TV on quietly for background noise as he sat curled up with a book in his lap.

The only source of light was from the TV screen and a small lamp next to Harry's chair but it was enough for Niall to be able to see Harry as he walked past into the kitchen. He seemed to be very engrossed in whatever he was reading. 

Niall made himself a mug of hot chocolate carefully carrying it through to the living room placing it down on the coffee table and taking a seat next to Harry. 

Harry didn't look up from his book as he shuffled the blanket around so that it laid over Niall's lap too.

Niall looked down at the blanket a small blush creeping over his face as he thought back to the last time they sat like this. 

How they had gotten close, maybe too close, and how much Niall had actually liked it.

When he finally looked over to Harry he was surprised to see that he was reading Niall's poem book. Niall had completely forgotten that he even gave it too him.

"You still reading that?" His voice came out in a whisper, like he was scared to ruin the peaceful atmosphere that he had walked into. Harry looked up a small smile on his face.

"Yeah. I was actually going over my favourites, some that I think would make great songs. If your would be into that kind of thing that is." Niall eyebrows shot up. He was amazed that someone thought his poems where good enough to be lyrics for a song.

That was what song lyrics where most the time though right? Poems. He had just never thought about putting music to them before. 

"That would be pretty cool. What ones where you thinking about doing it with?" They spend some time going trough the book discussing what they think would make good songs and what kind of song it could be and it's the most fun Niall has had for ages.

This was his comfort zone. Words.   
It felt good to be talking about it with someone who appreciates the beauty of words as much as he did.

Liam was great when it came to anything that Niall wrote and he would always complement and say what he liked best. But it was different with Harry. Harry knew how to make something just that little bit better. He knew that if they changed a verse around in one part and switch it with a piece from another it would take on a whole new meaning. 

This was how he imagined being at uni would feel like. Late nights with people who loved nothing more then playing with words and the meanings behind them when they are put together a certain way.

"Can you do that for me? Make some music and I can sing? Or you can." Harry nodded eagerly.

"Definitely. I will put something together but I think you should sing, they would be your songs." 

Niall feels a bubble of excitement in his belly. If Harry actually does this then Niall is going to have songs, actual songs, that are written by him.

That's pretty cool.

"What one is your favourite?" Niall perks up at Harry's question leaning over to turn the pages until he finds the one. Harry's eyes skim over the page as he reads the words.

"What is it about?" Niall blushes again chuckling to himself as he thinks back to his 14 year old self writing the words. 

"My first kiss. Bradley Peterson. Really good looking but a proper dickhead." Harry giggles, actually giggles and Niall is sure that somewhere in the world a fairy was just born. Or something as magical as that because Harry giggling could make something like that happen.

"And do you write about all the people that kiss you? Am I going to discover some juicy gossip in here?" Harry starts shuffling trough the pages looking like a teenage girl reading Cosmo.

"This is secretly a gossip rag isn't it? Niall you sneak." Niall laughs placing his hand over Harry's to stop him. Harry stops his eyes slowly moving up to meet Niall's. 

"I only write about the ones that matter. It was my first kiss with a boy. I was scared to admit I was gay. The kiss felt right and so did I after that." Harry just looks at Niall his eyes fluttering as he shoved the book into Niall's hand.

"Read it to me. Remember you said you would? Because I like the way you say some words." Niall did remember Harry saying that, at his mum's funeral. He remembered because it was the first time he felt his stomoach flutter at something Harry and done or said. 

Niall got more comfortable on the sofa curling his legs up before he began. He is a little nervous as he starts to read but he soon relaxes into it finding that he does not mind the way Harry is watching him as he reads out the intimate details of his first kiss.

He knows Harry will understand what he is reading. That Harry now knows how he was kissed and where he was kissed. Will know that it got a little more heated then Niall had planned it to.

Unfortunately Bradley had planned for it to get that heated and was not very good at hiding his annoyance when he found out that Niall was not quite ready to have sex with him. He went and told all his friends that he did though. Dick head. 

Niall snaps the book shut when he is finished suddenly super aware of how his voice sounds. He managed to pick out every words that had brought out his Irish accent when normally he would not even notice it happening. 

"That was some first kiss hey?" Niall covered his face with his hands giving an embarrassed laugh.

"You should be proud, my first kiss I headbutted the girl then made her lip bleed. Wouldn't be surprised if she chipped a tooth too." Niall laughed again dropping his hands back to his lap.

"Well I sure hope you got better." Harry looked at him, amusement swimming in his eyes. His eyes that sometimes looked green and sometimes looked blue, Niall likes that. He liked not knowing how they would look day to day.

"Trust me Niall, I got a lot better. Had way to much practice before I met Liam's mum. But at least she got the practiced version off me." Niall snorted dragging his eyes away from Harry's and back to his lap. Looking at Harry could be a little intense sometimes, he was one of them people they you felt could see right inside you to your soul. It could be a little unnerving.

"How's your hand been? Did you dad not convince you to go to the hospital?" Niall shrugged lifting his hand up to examine the bandaged that he should probably change pretty soon. It was starting to get loose around the bottom off his fingers and dirt would be able to get in. Not something he wanted to happen when he could not wash it regularly. 

"Dad hasn't seen it yet." Niall heart lurches at the thought of it being so long since he really saw his dad.

Not since he had hit him.  
Did he even know Niall had Injured himself at school?  
That he had some kind of breakdown that resulted in him punching the crap out of the wall in front of a handful of students?

Would he even care?  
Because that was the thing the worried and upset Niall the most.   
He doesn't know if his dad cares anymore. Maybe losing his wife had hardened him up to the point that he couldn't love anyone anymore even if Niall is his own flesh and blood. 

"When was the last time you saw him? The school would have left a message with him. He probably knows what you done." 

"Not since Monday night. When we had that argument." Harry rubs at his face looking bewildered as he turned to face Niall more.

"What the hell has he been doing? He needs to be at home with you. Does he not see how hard you have been finding things?" Niall smiles sadly playing with a loose piece of string from his bandage.

"He is more worried about being at work. It's like you said the other night, it's his way of coping. It's not like it makes things better when he is home anyway. All we do is argue now." Harry sighs taking Niall's hand in his own lifting it up to look at it closer.

"You really should have gone to hospital."

"If I thought I needed to I would. I doudt it's even broken probably just badly bruised." Harry raised an eyebrow looked ridiculously unimpressed with Niall.

"Have you even looked at it since it got wrapped up? You don't want a messed up hand for the rest of your life do you? It could be really broken, it might heal badly." 

"I will look in the morning if your that worried, now let's stop talking about it." 

Harry pouted, his eye narrowing but he gave in.

"Ok. Let's talk about your travel plans instead. That's something exciting right? Tell me where you plan on going?" 

When Niall was five years old he told his mum that he wanted to see the whole wide world.   
His class had been doing a project on different countries and even at such a young age Niall was obsessed with how different each place was. He wanted to experience it all for himself and it was a desire that never went away.

His mum had started saving as soon as he told her of his dream.

She had traveled when she was younger before settling down to have a family and it had been the most uplifting happiest time of her life and she wanted nothing more then for Niall to have the same experience.

When Niall was fourteen he got a job mowing the lawns for a few of his parents friends and every small bit of money he received he gave to his mum to add to his saving account.

By the time she died Niall had thousands saved up for him, and soon he would receive some money from his mum's life insurance. She had made it clear she wanted it split between her son's.

He had enough to easily get him around the world for a year if he was careful with where he stayed and what he ate.  
Maybe even more then a year if he wanted to carry it on for a bit longer. 

"I don't have a plan. All I know is that I am going to New York first then from there I will be turning up at train stations, or airport and picking a random place. Maybe just go on whatever is boarding next and has tickets. I think it will be more relaxed that way. Just stay in each location for as long as I want then move on. No schedule and no time limits." Niall swallowed his eyes flicking down because Harry still had hold of Niall's hand and was now playing with the tips of his fingers, gently rubbing over the skin not wanting to hurt him. 

"That sound amazing. And so brave for someone so young and on their own. Your going to make some amazing memories. Is there any places in particular you think you will visit if you end up near them?" 

Niall starts listing off places he would really love to go, Harry adding his own input when Niall mentions a place that Harry as actually gone and seen for himself. 

They talk for what feels like hours, Niall with a big smile and his eyes shining as he talks about all the things he could possibly be about to go and do with his life. Harry smiled back just as big excited for Niall and the amazing things he had planned. 

"It's going to be so weird not having you practically live here for so long. Thank god Liam is not moving out I don't think I would like to lose both of you at the same time." 

Niall would definitely struggle to begin with. He was so used to having Liam and Harry to fall back on when he needed them. He had spent nearly everyday with Liam for the past three years and soon he would not see him at all for a whole year. He just hoped liam didn't make too many new friends at collage and not have time for him when he got back.

"Gonna be weird for me too." Niall looks up his breath catching in his throat when his nose brushes against Harry's.

At some point while they where talking they had managed to move closer to each other.

Harry was still playing with Niall's fingers but now his other hand was resting on his hips, their legs tangled together on the sofa. 

"Your going to be fine. Your sensible and really mature. Even if it did go wrong all you would have to do is jump on a plane and your home again" Niall's tounge darted out to wet his lips his eyes fluttering when Harry brushed his nose against his.

"And your mum will be watching over you anyway. She definitely won't let anything happen to you. It's going to be the best year of your life." Niall is aware of the way his body is reacting. That his breath is almost coming out in a pant, that his eyes are closing and worst of all he is getting half hard in his jogging bottoms. He is so aware of this happening but he can't seem to stop.

This is Harry.  
Liam's dad.  
His best friend's dad.  
You don't get hard over your best friend's dad. 

"Niall." Niall shakes his head causing their noses to brush together again sending goosebumps erupting down his back.

Harry's grip on his side tightens, his finger digging into the soft milky white flesh. 

"It's late. Maybe you should head up to bed. It's like really late." But he doesn't let go off Niall and Niall can't even think clearly enough to be able to get himself out of the grip. 

"Niall. Please. You need to go to bed." Niall shakes his head again. He can't remember how to talk or how to breath. Is he breathing? He must be because he thinks he can hear himself. 

He feels himself slowly falling backwards his back hitting the sofa, his body sinking into the softness off it.

"Jesus." Niall's eyes ping open, the panic in Harry's voice bringing him back to his senses a little.

Niall is hard. He is so, so hard and he is laying back on the sofa with Harry staring down at him with wide eyes. 

He doesn't understand what is happening.  
When did Harry start making him feel this way?  
When did he stop being just Harry, Liam's dad. To Harry the man who got him hard in his boxers like he was twelve again and had no control over his own dick. 

Harry is staring right at Niall's crotch, the tent in the baggy material obvious as Niall tried to catch his breath and calm himself down from wherever the hell his head just went.

Harry scrambles off the sofa his hands pulling at his hair.

And oh.

"I'm sorry." Harry mumbles out quickly before rushing out of the room into the kitchen. The back door closes a few seconds later. 

Niall reaches down and pressed on his hard dick a hiss leaving his lips at the feel. 

It felt wrong. So unbelievably wrong.

But Harry had been hard too.

Niall had seen the bulge in his jeans.   
Had seen the look of panic on Harry's face when he realised he was too. 

What the hell had just happened and how where they going to face each other again?

Niall was Harry's sixteen year old sons best friend.

Harry was the thirty year old dad of his best friend. 

This was not supposed to happen. 

He can't actually fancy his friends dad can he?

Niall stands up on shaking legs the blanket falling to the floor in a heap. He moves towards the stairs stumbling and it's like the floor is moving beneath his feet making it impossible to walk straight.

He climbs back into bed next to Liam listening for any sounds from downstairs.

Harry doesn't come up the stairs for another hour and when he does Niall's skin prickles when he hears his footsteps pause outside Liam's door for a moment before continuing to his own room.


	9. Chapter 9

It's shame and a deep overwhelming feeling of mortification that has Niall up at 5am tiptoeing around Liam's bedroom gathering all his stuff into his rucksack. 

He manages to get himself ready and slip out of the bedroom door without waking his sleeping best friend.

He glances over to Harry's room and is sure he can hear the faint sound of snoring coming from behind the door. That means he is still safe and that's all he is asking for out of life today.

To get out of this house and not have to face Harry after last night.

Thankfully his regular visit to this house had made him an expert at knowing what step to miss on the stairs.

He knows that Harry has that creepy parent sixth sense, and the second the stairs creak when all children should be safely tucked up into bed Harry will be up and out of his bedroom to see whats going on. 

Once he is downstairs he can't help but look over to the sofa where he experienced probably the most embarrassing moment of his life.

The blanket it still in a heap on the floor where Niall had let it fall. His full mug of hot chocolate still sat on the coaster, left forgotten once him and Harry had started to talk. Next to the mug was Niall's notebook. A memory flashes in his head of Harry removing the book from his lap and placing it down.

He wondered if Harry would feel the same as he does when he comes down and looks at it all.

It's looks so normal and innocent. Like someone had simply been sitting and enjoying the evening before heading to bed.

It was Harry and Niall though. It was Harry and Niall getting too close. It was Naill wanting Harry to kiss him, he didn't realize it then but he does now. He had wanted Harry to kiss him. While Harry was asking, almost pleading for him to leave and go to bed, because he must have known. Niall has refused because he wanted to be kissed. It was Niall and Harry both hard in their pants when they shouldn't have been. 

Niall looks away his face heating up at the memory. How awful it must have looked with Niall laid out, breathless and hard as a rock. 

He suddenly marched across the room grabbing Harry's car keys that where hanging from the door using the attached house key to let himself out.  
He locked the door behind himself before posting the keys back trough the letter box.

He felt relieved as he started the short walk back to his house. Harry was a talker. He like people to talk through their problems so he knew the minute Harry's eyes open he will be thinking about seeking Niall out to talk. At least now there was some distance between them Niall could collect his thoughts before it happened. 

Harry was his best friend's dad.

He was friends with his dad, had also been friends with his mum.

He was 30.

Niall was going to be seventeen in a couple of months but that still left a thirteen year age gap. 

He shouldn't want to kiss him.

But he did.

At least last night he did. 

Niall let himself into his house as quietly as he could. He didn't need to be explaining to his dad why he was coming home so early.

He went into the kitchen first to get himself a glass off water then went up to his bedroom.

Once he was in his room with the door shut he pulled his top off then hopped into bed pulling the duvet up to his chin.

What was going to happen when he saw Harry next? Was this bizzar sexual tension going to keep happening?

Would Niall have to get used to looking at Harry and wondering what it would be like to kiss him?

Touch him?  
How it would feel to be touched by him?

The though of Harry's hands travel over his body had Niall half hard and his own hand moving down his chest, over his stomach until his fingers slipped under the waistband of his pyjama bottoms.

He squeezed his eyes shut refusing to touch himself when his mind was so full of Harry. If he let himself go there he would be in to deep.  
If he really let his mind explore this new desire, if he touched himself and made himself come with Harry in his mind and his name in his mouth there might not be any going back. 

So instead he turned onto his side and curled up into a ball willing himself to go back to sleep for a few hours. 

Xxxxxx

Niall is woken by the sounds of the front door shutting at 8am.

After he had made himself a quick breakfast of buttered toast he found himself sitting in the bus heading to the graveyard.

He still hasn't been to visit his mum since the funeral and he was starting to feel bad about it. He figured it might do him some good to feel closer to her while his head was in such a jumble.

Not that he felt like he could have talked about it with her had she been alive.

I mean can you imagine?

Hey mum just wanted some advice on what to do when you start fancying a thirty year old man and you both seem to be turned on by each other? 

No thanks. 

Once the bus arrives Niall jumps off saying a quick thanks to the driver over his shoulder just before the doors hiss shut. 

He stops in at the small supermarket first to buy a bunch of flowers.

He is not actually sure what his mums favourite flowers where as she would always have a different type in the house. Maybe she just liked them in general. Niall grabbed the brightest bunch pulling a note out of his pocket to go pay.

Niall had always loved the church here. He was not massively into architecture but he would be an idiot to not be mesmerized by the beauty and the amazing detail that went into building this massive building. How long it must have taken and how long it had managed to stand there undamaged was mind blowing to him. Maybe he could add Church kink to the list of strange things he was currently going trough. 

His mum had loved it here and it was an easy decision for this to be her resting place. The grounds where kept immaculate, the grass never growing too long and bushes and plants always taking care off. It lifted a little bit of the weight from his shoulders knowing his mum would never have to look like she had been abandoned.

His stomach twisted when he saw her grave. The ground was still slightly raised giving it that slightly creepy feeling, at the head was her small wooden cross with her name. The headstone should be arriving in a few weeks, Niall couldn't wait to see how it looked. Hopefully it was just how she wanted it. 

"Hey ma." Niall knelled down as he placed the flower onto of her grave. He could faintly hear her voice in his ear nagging him about getting dirty knees. Something that would have annoyed the life out of him when she was alive but now it just brings a smile to his face.

She had only been looking out for him.

"Sorry I haven't been yet. I'm going to start coming more often now, I promise." Because he can't imagine his dad would make the time and Greg just went and left. He didn't say that out loud though. If she didn't know he would rather keep it that way. If she did know, well he hoped she was not too heartbroken about how things where now. 

"Feels a bit strange talking to ya to be honest. So I'm just gonna go sit on the bench and if you want. If you can. You can come sit with me yeah? Just spend some time together." Niall stands up again rubbing at his eyes wanting to stop the tears before they came. He didn't want to be sad in front of her.

The coldness of the bench seeped into his jeans a little but he ignored it and got comfy, pulling his jacket tighter around him and adjusting his beanie on his head. 

He wasn't sure how long he had been sat there before his phone went off and there was a strong possibility he had drifted off a couple of times. Luckily nobody else had been around to see Niall acting like some wierd tramp. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket his eyes widened slightly when he realized he had been sat here for two hours. Then they widened even more when he saw the text was from Harry.

Harry: where are you? 

Niall considered just ignoring the text but Harry was not the type to give up on stuff.

He had given Niall most of the morning and that was obviously his limit.

Niall: with mum 

Harry: don't move I am now heading that way.

"Fuck." He rubbed his hand over his face wondering how angry Harry would get if Niall just ran right now. He really didn't want to have this conversation. 

But what was the point of avoiding something they was going to have to happen at some point anyway?  
He couldn't avoid Harry forever. He couldn't never go over to Liam's house ever again. 

Harry's car pulled up at the end of the pathway the sight of it making Niall want to vomit.

He still had time to run.

Nialls eyes flickered around like he was checking for the best escape route before focusing on his ratty converse when Harry stepped in front of him. 

Niall felt shaken at the though of what they where about to talk about. Harry placed a flower down next to Niall's bunch. It was sweet of him to get her a flower and if he was not currently feeling like stepping out of his skin he would have smiled and thanked him. 

Harry took a seat next to Niall, their shoulders brushing as he settled.

Waiting for Harry to talk was like torture and he actually understood why torture victims ended up blurting out secrets. Maybe that was Harry's plan, it was almost working. Niall had to bite down on the inside of his lip to stop himself for confession every deep dark secrets he had kept to himself his whole life.

"You must have left really early this morning." Niall jumped when Harry spoke causing his shoulder to bump into Harry's again. 

God, was he always going to be like a nervous puppy around him now? That could get annoying. 

"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable enough that you had to leave." Niall kicked away a loose stone that was under his feet. He felt bad they Harry thought it was his fault. 

"I'm also sorry for my behaviour last night. It was out of order and not there way an adult should be behaving." 

"No Harry.." Niall stopped finally lifting his eyes up to look at Harry.

His hair was pulled back into a bun, the small bits sticking out gave away that it was done without much thought. He was wearing a baggy green jumper that made him look ridiculously cozy but it was his choice of clothing for when he felt worn out or just not himself.

His eyes made it obvious that he had not slept much. Niall took a deep breath pushing away his nerves. Harry was blaming himself and that was not fair.

It was both if not mostly Niall's fault.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It was me too. I just...I don't know." How was he supposed to explain himself? He couldn't tell Harry that he was crushing on him. Couldn't say that the thought of being kissed and touched by him was turning him on like anything. 

Niall watched a bird fly down and grab a twig his eyes following it as it flew to the top of the church disappearing into the roof. The air around them felt thick and Niall hated it. He had never felt awkward around Harry before. Probably because he had never felt the things he was feeling now. 

"Do you....when did.." Harry sighed in frustrating leaning forward until his elbows where resting on his knees his face falling into his hands. Niall chewed on his lip his eyes trained on the back of Harry's head, his eyes wondering down the tanned skin of his neck. He wanted to kiss that skin, find out what it tasted like. The thought had Niall looking away again. Was this another thing now? Struggling to look at Harry for more then five seconds without those kinds of thoughts hitting him in the face. 

"I don't really know how to approach this Niall. What do I need to be talking about with you here? What's going trough your head?" Niall felt his cheeks heating up at the idea of telling Harry his exact thoughts he has been having since last night. 

He was a little annoyed though. That little angry feeling bubbling up that had been a regular feeling for him since his mum's desth.  
Because it's not just about what's going on in Niall's head. Harry got hard too last night. Niall saw it as clear as day. 

What was going on in his head?  
He didn't want this to turn into a thing that he had done. 

"Not really sure what's going on Harry. Maybe you could help me work it out. You're not exactly innocent." Harry sat up straight his head whipping round to look at Niall his green eyes wide, searching Niall's face like he was looking for some sign that Niall was joking around. 

"Excuse me?" Niall scoffed pushing himself up from the bench his knees cracking in protest.

"It wasn't just me who got a boner Harry. I got turned on. But deal. You got turned on too, so maybe you should be more focused on what's happening in your head." Niall started walking away Harry rushing to his feet behind him so he could follow.

"OK fine your right. Niall don't get angry with me when I am trying to sort this out"

"Stop making me feel like a kid then."

"You are a kid!" Niall spun round on his heel. Harry skidded to a stop just before he slammed into Niall his shoes slipping on the loose gravel. 

"You clearly didn't think of me as a kid last night." Niall spat the words out like he purposely wanted to upset Harry. 

Niall wanted to stop himself. He wanted to sit calmly with Harry and discuss this. There was so many times over the past few weeks where he wanted to be calm and just talk to people but this stupid, unessasery anger keep seeping through him like poison. 

"You're right. I didn't and that's a problem. You get less and less like a kid to me everyday. It's changing Niall. The way I look at you is changing." 

Nialls mouth opens and closes a few times before he gives up on trying to find a reply to Harry. His heart was hammering in his chest, his body heating up as he physically feels his blood pumping around his body. 

Harry moves forward his hands reaching up to cup both of Niall's cheeks. Niall's eyes flutter shut his head tilting to the side slightly nuzzling into Harry's hand. Goosebumps erupt over his skin, traveling down his neck all the way to his toes making Niall shiver. 

"I nearly kissed you last night." Niall's head falls back slightly.

"You're my sons best friend. The same age as him, you have been like another son to me for three years but I wanted to kiss you. That scares me Niall." Harry's hands leave his face and he almost whines at the loss but managed to keep it in when Harry's hands rest on his hips instead. Niall manages to get his eyes to open his lips parting with a small gasp when he sees how wild Harry's eyes look.

It's a side to Harry he was not used to seeing that's for sure.

"I want to kiss you now." Niall swallows his throat suddenly feeling dry. He wants to reply. Tell Harry that he would like him to kiss him too but he is incapable off talking. He feels like he couldn't even manage to stay standing if Harry where to suddenly release his hold on him.

"I don't know when it change, but it did." Harry stepped closer again his head moving down slowly until his nose was brushing against the side of Niall's neck. 

Niall gasped again, louder this time as he tilts his head to the side his body shaking with the thought of Harry kissing him there.

"It can't happen. You understand that don't you Ni?" Niall nods his hands that had been laying uselessly by his side moving to wrap into Harry hair. 

"I want that too, just so you know." Niall voice shakes as he talks. He doesn't care though he is just happy he got his voice to even work.

"I want you to kiss me too." Harry sighs reasting his forehead on Niall's shoulder.

Niall knows nothing can happen. Of course he knows this.

Harry is a responsible adult who puts being a father ahead of anything.

He would never start any kind of inappropriate relationship with his kids friend. 

That doesn't mean Niall was not tempted to push it. See if he could get Harry to overstep his own boundaries.   
Because he wanted that so badly.

He wanted to be kissed, touched and hell probably even fucked by Harry.

He is not sure when he started thinking this way. Had it always been there? Was Niall so drawn to Harry for the past three years because he had been crushing on him and never realised?

"I'm hard for you again." Harry's grip on Niall tightened sending a wave of warmth spreading trough his stomach and making his hard cock twitch slightly. 

"Niall." Harry groaned.

"Feel Harry. Feel what you do to me." Niall untangled his hands from Harry's hair moving to grab his wrist so he could slid Harry hand from around his waist and towards his crotch.

Harry let's Niall move him with ease but stops right before he is touching Niall's bulge in his trousers.

"No. I can't." 

"Yes you can. Touch me. You could make me come." Harry steps back suddenly his hand going behind his back.

"Jesus Niall." He turns away shaking his head.

"Get in the car, I'm taking you home. We need to forget this. It didn't fucking happen." Niall feels the anger rush back again as he stomps to Harry's car ripping the door open and slamming it shut again once he was in angry at himself for pushing it too far. Angry for still being a kid and wanting what he can't have. 

Harry took a few moments to calm himself down before he clambered into the driver's seat starting a very awkward and tense drive to Niall's house. 

XXX

Niall would have been happy to stay away from Liam's house for a few days. He doesn't really want to face Harry now they they had both said out loud about what they are feeling.

Harry actually wants to kiss him. The fact that he can't makes Niall want it that little bit more.   
Being around Harry right now was far too fustrating. 

Unfortunately for Niall his best friend was very persistent.   
Apparently something happened at school today and he was begging niall to come over so he could tell him face to face.

Niall had said no to begin with and told Liam to get his arse over to his house instead, but Lian had just replied that Louis was bring them all Chinese. Liam was not willing to walk away from Chinese. 

Liam: just get ur butt ere. Chow mein in it for ya. 

Niall: This better he gd. Be over soon. H8 u. 

Niall bikes as slowly as he can, almost toppling off his bike a few times much to the amusement of two young kids that had been playing in their garden.   
Niall may have given them the finger.

He dumped his bike at the top of the driveway in front of Harry's car like he always does before stomping up the path throwing the door open dramatically. Liam jumps from where he had just been walking into the lounge from the kitchen sloshing some of the drink he had been carrying onto the floor. 

Harry's body flinches at the sudden sound but other then that it's like Niall never stepped into the house. His head stays bowed down looking at a pile of papers on his lap, his eyebrows creased as he read whatever boring adult stuff it was. 

"I am here as requested. What is this news you speak off." Naill waves his hands around already feeling impatient. If this is not some juicy stuff he was going to kick Liam in the dick. 

Liam took a few gulps from his drink before placing the glass down a goofy smile on his face.

"Guess who asked Macy out on a date today? The same person who is taking her to prom that's who mother fucker." Niall starts screeching at the same time as Harry scolds Liam for swearing. 

Niall is across the room in three large strides wrapping his arms around Liam's waist and lifting him into the air. Liam laughs grabbing onto Niall's shoulders to steady himself. 

"I can't believe you finally got the balls man. My suffering can end!" Niall spins them around before placing Liam back onto his feet hugging him tightly.

"Seriously mate I'm really happy for you. Your going to romance the hell out of her, then marry her then have the cutest babies." 

"After going to collage and maybe uni and finding a steady job with good pay. Maybe buy a nice house first too." Harry piped up finally looking up from his paperwork. Niall flushes quickly turning away to put his attention back to Liam.

Harry was far too good looking and unavailable to even look at.

"Yeah. After doing all that really boring stuff." Harry grumbles to himself. Probably going on about how it's practical not boring. Liam rolls his eyes grabbing his glass off the side.

"Now we just need to get you a date to prom. Maybe you should ask Zayn." 

"Oh my dream man. Could I be so lucky " Liam giggles plopping his body down onto the sofa next to Harry.

"What about that Dylan boy? The one who always drools over you during science." Niall scoffs taking a seat across from Liam his body sinking into the ridiculously comfortable armchair.

"He is a dork. Anyway you already know I'm not going to prom, I will be leaving that day." Liam pouts curling his feet up under himself.

"You really can't put it off by just one day? I'm not going to see you for a year you could at least give me prom night." Niall shrugs catching Harry looking up out the corner of his eye. 

Niall had booked his plane ticket to New York a few days before his mum died so she could feel like she was apart of the start of his adventure. She also made sure it was non refundable so he couldn't change his mind. 

"It was more expensive for the next day. I checked." Liam's pout got bigger but the conversation ended there as Louis walked into the house two bags of food in his hands.

"Grubs up mother fuckers." Harry groaned shoving his paperwork off his lap turning to glare at Louis.

"My child speaks like you. I knew I should have kept you away." Louis blinks back innocently.

"But then you would probably be dead, I keep you alive. I am your reason for living Harold." Harry snatches the bags out of Louis hands heading into the kitchen with them.

"I am your life, your inspiration, your bestest best friend." Niall sits back with a smile listening to Harry and Louis bicker in the kitchen as they dish up food.

Niall had to admit he was going to miss these guys like crazy when he was traveling. 

Xxxxxx

Niall hates his life.

To be more accurate he hates whoever invented ice lollies.

He also hates whoever sold Harry the ice lolly he was currently sucking on whilst watching Louis play Xbox. 

What's even more annoying is Harry sucking on an ice lolly like it's the most innocent thing in the world. Like the way his tounge swirls around the top before he takes more then half into his mouth is not the most filthiest thing Niall has seen with his own eyes.

Or the way he hums at the taste when he finally let's it pop out of his mouth. 

Harry is a man child and has no idea how down right dirty he looks. 

Niall shuffles around on the sofa glancing down to make sure his top was still covering his crotch. He didn't need Louis or Liam noticing his current problem. 

"It's a lolly not a dick sort yourself out lad." Niall has never wanted to hug Louis as much as this moment. Harry halts his movements a frown slowly forming on his face. 

"What?" Louis chuckled bumping into Harry lightly.

"You keep deep throating it. Looks obscene and you're putting me of my game." Harry blushes his eyes flicking over to Niall and Niall knows it's not lost on Harry how he is dealing with the current situation. 

"Oh." Harry looks down at his ice lolly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Sorry." The quick glance he sends Niall makes it pretty clear the apology is being sent his way. 

Louis is back to being focused in his game and Liam is fast asleep so Harry and Niall are left to drown in the sexual tension alone. 

"I'm gonna head upstairs." Harry stands up jogging into the kitchen to throw away his lolly before going up the stairs. 

Niall let out a puff of air finding it s little easier to breath now he is not watching a live action show of what he would very much like done to his own dick. 

He watches Louis for another hour before pushing himself off the sofa to go take a piss. 

Once he has done his business he flushes the loo and moved over to wash his hands. 

He looks at his reflection sudden paranoid that he looks like a child.  
He was sure he had grown a lot this year.

He had definitely gotten a lot taller and he had lost his baby fat. His had to shave regularly now which was more of a nuisance really. He was sure he looked older then sixteen. 

Obviously nothing could happen between Harry and him even if he looked ten years older then what he is.

Niall was still sixteen. 

Would that still be a problem for Harry if he didn't have a son the same age?

If he met Harry in a different life would he have happily kissed him by now.

Niall tore himself away from looking at himself unlocking the door and stepping out. He should probably go wake Liam up so they can hang out for a bit before he heads home. 

Niall slams into a body making him stumble back and lose his footing.

Arms wrap around him pulling him back up before he can hit the floor.

"Whoopsy Daisy." Niall face slams into Harry chest as Harry tries to help steady him. Once his balance is back Niall lets out a loud cackle his head falling backwards.

"Did you actually just say Whoopsy Daisy?" Harry grins sheepishly a small blush spreading over his cheeks.

"Yes, so what. What is wrong with that?" Niall shakes his head, his laughter dying down and he cant help but smile up at Harry with the fondest look on his face. This man is something else. 

"You are one of a kind Harry Styles." Niall is sure, almost certain, that Harry tightens his arms around Niall waist drawing his body in a little closer making their chest press together. Harry smile is ridiculously wide, his breath hitting Niall's face and he cant help but breath in. Take in any part of Harry that he can. 

"I was just going to wake Liam up, going to go soon." Harry loosens the grip he has on his waist his hand resting just above the swell of Niall's arse. 

"Its a Friday, you not staying the night?" No because if I stay the night I don't know if i could stop myself from climbing into youR bed in the middle of the night, Niall thinks to himself. Not now he knows Harry kinda wants him too. Knows that Harry would be sleepy and weak and he might let Niall climb in with him, might let Niall kiss him and touch him. 

And he needs to stop thinking before he get yet another boner around Harry. 

"Should probably try and spend some time with dad. He is only home late or early so best to be home ready." That's a lie. Niall didn't want to even talk to his dad at the moment let alone spend some time with him. Harry frowns before reaching up to run his hand across the side of Niall's face close to where his dad had hit him. 

Harry had never brought it up after they talked on the phone and he had not really bruised so Niall figured Harry just forgot about it. He was happy with that.

Niall leans into the touch, his lips parting slightly like he was hoping he would be able to get a taste of his skin. Harry's eye flickered to Niall's lips.

"Want to help me wash up the dishes before you wake Liam?" And if that was Harry's way of trying to spend time with Niall without actually saying he would like to spend time with Niall, well Niall would be an idiot to not take it.

"Yeah sure." Harry unwraps himself from Niall completely motioning for him to go first.

Louis is still hypnotised by his game and Liam was still asleep, his head now hanging off the arm of the chair his mouth wide open. 

Niall fills the sink up with water squirting some washing liquid in sending Harry a small smile before he grabbed the washcloth and started scrubbing. 

Niall was used to washing up, his mum had believed dishwashers where for lazy families. They would have some of the best conversations together whilst washing up the dishes after dinner. Greg had always managed to get out of doing it and his dad would slop off to watch television. That meant the washing up had become the thing for Niall and his mum, it was when he got to hear about her day and he could to tell her about his. He would even manage to keep her up with the high school drama and gossip. 

He would have loved to tell her about Liam asking Macy out as she had shared his frustration with the pair dancing around each other. 

Niall hands Harry a plate trying his hardest to ignore the tingle that shot down his spin when their fingers brushed. 

They sent each other small glances, sometimes followed with a small smile, both ignoring the fact they where very obviously touching each other on purpose. 

When he was done and had passed Harry the last thing he pulled the plug and grabbed the bottom of the towel Harry was using so he could dry his hands.

"You going to be leaving now then?" Harry spoke in a whisper his eyes darting towards the door. Was he worried about Louis listening? Or was he just keeping with the peaceful atmosphere?

"Yeah, guess so." 

"Hows your hand?" Harry asked quickly. Niall looked down at his hand, he had removed the bandage this morning before going to see his mum. It was badly bruised of course but Niall was starting to doubt that it was broken. It hurt but it was getting better.

"Not to bad. Just can't put to much pressure on it. I have officially learnt my lesson about punching walls." Maybe he will just punch Zayn's face next time. 

"Can I look?" Niall nodded holding his hand up for Harry to take. Harry was gentle, resting the palm of Niall's hand on top of his own bringing it up closer to his face to have a good look. 

"You have been felling a lot of anger lately hey?" Niall shrugged.

"Just at certain people, not here though. I feel more me here."

"Stay then. Tonight, I worry about you a lot lately." Niall takes his hand away and tucks it under his armpit.

"Probably best I don't. I will be back in the morning no doubt."

"After spending time with your dad?" Niall smiles sadly taking a few steps back.

"Yeah. I don't think I will wake Liam up after all , he seemed pretty out of it. I will see you tomorrow Harry." Harry nods watching Niall back out of the kitchen.

He waits, listening to Niall say goodbye to Louis before the door shuts. He leaves the kitchen switching the light of as he goes, because Harry can't leave a room empty without hearing his mother telling him to switch the bloody light off and stop wasting her electricity. That is good though. It means all the nagging paid off, so hopefully when Liam is his age his nagging would have paid off. 

He walks past Louis without a sound, knows that Louis will just get up and let himself out when he is bored. Liam is old enough to get his own arse up the stairs so he doesn't have to deal with him either. 

He closes his bedroom door behind him and waste no time in unbuckling his trousers, letting them drop to his feet soon followed by his boxers. He gasp when he finally gets his hand around himself. He had been wanting this all day but has been ignoring it. Was worried what it would mean if he gave in.

He tries to keep his mine clear, empty of any bad thoughts as he desperately moves his hand up and down his cock his thumb brushing over his tip with every up stoke. He leaned forward resting his head against the wall bringing his other hand down to play with his balls, pulling them lightly before giving them a squeeze. His has to bite down on his lip hard to stop the moans spilling out of his mouth as he gets closer to the release he has been denying himself all day. 

His hand leaves his balls so he can move it around to his bum, pulling his cheeks apart and using his middle finger to rub gentle at his rim. He gasps then follows up with a moan but he feels too good to care. His hand now moving even faster his precum making the slide of skin against skin a lot easier. That mixed with the pressure of his finger brings him to the edge. 

He tries hard to keep his mind clear, he really does. But as he comes, long white spurts of liquid that get over his hand, thighs and a little on the wall, he cant help but let the imagine of blonde hair and blue eyes in. Cant help that he cries out loudly, prays to god that Louis can't hear him downstairs, to the memory of Niall spread out downstairs on the sofa his son is currently sleeping on. Spread out, panting and hard because of Harry. 

He cant help it. He wants Niall and it makes him feel disgusted with himself. It also makes him feel ridiculously excited and he is already getting turned on again at the thought. 

He was doomed to fall down the rabbit hole that was Niall fucking Horan.


	10. Chapter 10

Louis blinks across the table at Harry his hands wrapped around the warm mug sat in front of him, the steam floating up into his face.

He lifts the mug to his lips taking a small sip of the hot tea Harry had made to perfection for him. When he places the mug down again he opens his mouth to talk before snapping it shut once more. Harry shifted in his seat watching Louis, waiting for him to say something.

Louis takes another sip of his drink swallowing before pursing his lips letting out a huff. 

"I'm probably going to need you to say that again Haz because i'm sure i heard wrong." Harry sighed running his hands trough his hair tugging harshly on the ends before dropping them to the table his rings clanging on the surface.

"I don't need to say it again. What you heard is what I said." Louis lets out one loud short laugh of disbelief, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. His blue eyes widen slightly when he realized that, yes, Harry was being serious right now. 

"Niall?" Louis questioned his hand moving just enough to uncover his mouth. Harry nodded.

"Blonde Niall?"

"Yes."

"Irish Niall?"

"The same one."

"Just making sure you don't know another Niall." Louis sips from his mug again his face screwing up, the corner of his eyes crinkling. Normally Harry finds that adorable but right now Harry is too on edge to acknowledge  how soft Louis looks when he is confused. 

"He is sixteen." Harry nods looking stressed as he finally picks up his own drink.

"You don't think I keep reminding myself of that, I feel gross Lou!" Louis sighs rubbing at his face.

"Maybe it's like, a midlife crisis. Fancy a young boy to feel young?" 

"I'm not that old!" Harry says outrage that Louis thinks he is anywhere near old enough for a midlife anything. 

"So how bad are we talking anyway? Is it just a case of you thinking, oh look there is Niall he is cute? Or oh look there is Niall I wonder how that dick taste?" Harry blushes and swats his hand across the table at Louis. 

He actually does wonder how it would taste. And he thinks Louis knows that.

"Does he have any idea?" Harry nods looking away from Louis.

Harry had decided last night that he was going to talk to Louis about this situation with Niall. He needed someone he could talk to and keep him calm, possible keep him from doing something stupid. He knew Louis was a good person to confide in because Louis would always support him. He was still scared to tell Louis the next part.

"Yeah he knows. We almost kissed a couple of nights ago. Then again the next day. There is a chance I nearly touched his dick." Louis spits out the tea he had just took a sip of some of it spraying onto Harry's face.

"What the fuck Harry!" Harry mops at his face with his sleeve scowling at the mess.

"You can't just announce that like it's the most normal casual thing in the world! You and Niall have nearly kissed? Are you planning on actually kissing him? This is worse then I thought. Jesus." Harry groaned slumping onto the table. He knows it's bad when Louis is shocked. Louis thinks everything is a good idea, when Louis disagrees you know your taking it to far.

It probably best he feels like that or he would be egging Harry on and he would end up doing something stupid.

Like kissing Niall's perfect looking face. 

When the hell did Niall get so freaking perfect and sexy anyway?  
It's not fair. 

"How deep are you in? Is there still hope for me dragging you out of this because I really don't think this is smart Harry. Liam would hate you, Niall's dad would actually kill you. People won't agree with it. Your going to end up in trouble if you let something happen." Harry shrugged. Honestly he thinks he is in too deep. He thinks about Niall most of the time. He wakes up and it's Niall in his head straight away, he is the last thing he things of before going to sleep.

He wants to be with him, talk to him and just be touching him in some way non stop. As soon as he walks into the house Harry body is on high alert. Listening for where he is, wanting to reach out for him when they pass. And when they are close he want to be closer, can't help but try and be connected to him in some way. 

He was glad Niall didn't stay last night. If Niall had ventured across into his room, and Harry really thinks he would have done, he would have pulled him in. He would have spent the night with a sixteen year old in his bed. 

He really was fucked. Never been more fucked in his life really.

"I really like him Lou. Like I fancy the crap out of him. And he is funny, smart, adventurous, kind and everything I want in someone. He has this poem book he let me have and it's the best thing ever and he read some too me and I can see myself doing that with him every night. His Irish accent is the best thing I have ever heard, it goes away sometimes but it suddenly pops back up and I just blah." He lifts his head up to look sadly at Louis who is looking back just as equally sad.

Louis reaches forward wrapping his hand around Harry's their fingers entwined. 

"He is a kid. You have a kid his age. What are you doing Harry?" 

"Making a massive mistake. I'm scared I'm going to make it worse. I'm going to kiss him Lou and what if it's the best kiss ever. What if I actually fall for him?" Louis moves from his seat crouching down in front of Harry so he can pull him forward and hug him.

"We will make sure that does not happen. This is a new thing right? You haven't always felt this way?" Harry shakes his head, the idea of having this massive crush on Niall when he was even younger was too much even for Harry. Louis smiles patting Harry on the shoulder.

"That is good then. It's will pass if you just forget about it. How about I set you up with someone? Liam has been asking me to anyway. He is worried about you being lonely. I'm starting to be worried now mate, so what do you say?" Harry didn't want to date. The idea of going out on a date with some random person filled him with dread. 

He was much happier staying in alone with a glass of wine, a blanket and Niall's book of poems.   
Maybe he could convince Niall to give him some more, maybe he could get him to let him read one of his stories. He knows Niall writes short stories and he would love to see what they are like. 

Maybe Niall could read it to him. Niall could curl up on his lap, have a small bit of wine with Harry. He could play with his stupid adorable fake blonde hair while he read. Maybe once they had both relaxed enough Harry could lean down and kiss him. Niall could keep reading to him, his lips against his skin.

Harry shakes his head forcing his thoughts away. Maybe Louis was right. This can't get out of hand.

"Fine. Just please make sure they are not crazy, someone I can really talk to Louis please." Louis squeezes Harry leg and Harry hates that even though Louis is smiling at him he can still see the worry swimming in his eyes. 

"Good lad. I will sort you out don't worry." 

xxxxx

Niall was sat in Liam's lounge, his socked feet propped up on the table as Liam sat next to him flicking trough Netflix trying to find something for them all to watch. 

Niall had missed his dad last night and this morning so still had not seen him since their fight. Probably a good thing really as it was only going to end in another one. 

Louis was sat on the armchair looking down at his phone while he waited for Liam to settle on a film. 

Harry came padding into the room a bowl of popcorn clutched to his chest and Niall instantly felt his heart rate speed up. Harry stepped over Niall shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth before kicking at Liam to get him to move. Niall held back a smile as Harry took his seat between them. He could have just sat at the end of the sofa but instead he made Liam move, Niall liked to think it was because he really wanted to sit next to him. Louis looked up from his phone shooting Harry a funny look before reaching over to grab some popcorn dropping most of it on Niall's legs. 

"What we watching then? Or is the entertainment for tonight? Liam flicking like an indecisive bitch." Louis asked around his mouthful. Liam glared at him before finally choosing a film throwing the controller down.

"Into the woods." 

"Love this film!" Harry and Niall both spoke at the same time turning to grin at each other.

"How lovely young Niall." Niall frowned at Louis, he was acting weirder then normal tonight.

"Such a young lad you are." 

"OK Louis you can shut up now." Harry scolded him wiggling down on the sofa to get more comfortable, his legs brushing up against Niall's. He left it touching once he was comfortable, which is great. Niall can totally watch a film without thinking about Harry's warm, strong leg touching his. 

Liam falls asleep half way trough the film as always. Niall doesn't actually think he has seen Liam last trough a whole film before, its one of the most annoying thing ever. 

Harry offers Niall the last bit of popcorn before leaning forward to place it on he table.

When he sits back again he has managed to move even closer to Niall so his whole side was now pressing up against his. Louis clears his throat and Harry glares across at him. Niall ignores the odd behaviour and figures they must be bickering about something. 

Niall starts singing along to the film his foot bopping along, Harry soon joins in the pair getting louder and louder until Liam lets out a loud snore and Louis tells them to shut up. Harry turned his head to the side and giggles quietly and Niall cant help but turn and face him really. He knows that their faces will be close, knows it will make him want to lean up and kiss him but he cant help it. Harry is giggling like an adorable idiot his dimples popping out and he wants to bloody see it. 

"Hey." Harry whispers giving him a cheesy grin. Niall laughs because this man is just ridiculous. 

"Hi Harry." They turn back to the film after that, Louis eyes burning into the side of Niall's head but he just ignores him and watches the television. If Louis wants to act like a freak then that is not Niall's problem. 

Harry's hand slides cross to Niall's and he hooks their little fingers together. Niall jumps a little but other then that he manages to keep himself relatively calm. He glass over at Louis again to see if he noticed anything but he was back to looking at his phone so he thinks it's alright. 

Niall's hand is shaking slightly and when he takes a deep breath to calm his nerves it comes out wobbly. Harry must have noticed because he starts rubbing small circles with his thumb over Niall wrist, and it works. Niall relaxes back into the sofa his heart slowing back to a normal pace and his hands shaking a little less. 

They both stay focused on the film their pinky fingers staying wrapped together. Niall lets himself enjoy the moment as much as he can because this is it, this is probably all Harry would ever be willing to give him. 

If he spends the rest of the evening imagining Harry snogging him senseless then that his business. 

XXX

Harry wished there was a way to wake up in the middle of the night and not have terrible cotton mouth. 

It was the grossest thing ever and he didn't understand people that could just fall back to sleep.   
He also doesn't understand how he forgets to bring a glass of water to bed most nights. 

He throws his covers off searching around the floor for a pair of boxers. He also doesn't t understand people who don't sleep naked.

Once he has found a clean pair he shoves them on stumbling a few times as his brain had not really woken up and putting legs into leg holes was impossible. 

He finally makes his way done the stakes scratching at his belly and yawning as he heads towards the kitchen.

Just a glass of water then hopefully he wouldn't have woken up so much that he can't sleep again.

He doesn't expect to find Niall in the kitchen staring out of the window sipping his own drink.

He didn't even know Niall had decided to stay the night.

Niall seems deep in thought, Harry knows the sensible adults thing to do is walk away and go back to bed. 

Niall is only wearing boxers though. A ridiculous tight pair that show of his arse rather nicely in the glow of the under cupboard lights Niall has switch on.

Any thought of leaving is ruined when Harry makes a wierd noise and Niall jumps about a foot in the air dropping his glass to the floor. The glass shatters covering the area around Niall's feet. 

"Shit Harry!" Niall is clutching his chest seeming unbothered by the mess at his feet. 

"Sorry. Don't move." Harry grabs the brush out of the utility cupboard being careful where he steps as he starts to sweep the glass away from Niall. Once it is safe to move Niall stepped away from the counter to let Harry finish. 

"I didn't mean to scare you." Niall sees a bit of glass that Harry has missed so swoops down to grab it.

"Ouch. Crap." Niall pouts dropping the glass onto the table so he can inspect his finger that he had just managed to slice. Because apparently he can't pick up glass without damaging himself. 

"You alright? Let me have a look." Niall holds his fingers up still pouting like a child making Harry smile.

"Just a small cut silly boy. You want a plaster?" Niall nods pulling himself up to sit on the table while Harry searches for some.

"You seem to be always hurting yourself lately. Dread to think what you will do next." Harry comes back with a box of plasters in his hand.

"I have always been accident prone. Proper nightmare as a toddler." Harry can imagine that quite well. 

"Liam never really hurts himself even as a small kid his every move was well thought out." Niall watched the way Harry concentrates on cleaning his tiny cut. His tounge was sticking out and Niall wanted to lean forward, suck it into his own mouth and taste Harry.

"At least you don't have to worry about him."

"I'm his parent, I worry everyday. It's part of the job description." 

"What do you worry about?" Harry moved Niall's fingers so he can wrap the plaster around it easier.  
"Umm just normal stuff I guess. Is he happy? Does he feel loved? Is he going to do well with his exams? Will he get into the collage he wants? Will he be happy as an adult? Is he going to get this Macy girl pregnant and ruin his life?" Niall snorts louldy examining his plastered up finger.

"Liam won't have sex until he is like fourty so you don't have to worry about that, anyway between you, me and Louis we would make sure it didn't ruin his life." Harry hums in agreement.

"What make you say he won't have sex for so long?" Niall raised his eyebrow looking Harry dead in the eyes.

"Have you met Liam?" Harry laughed looking down at his feet his hand moving up to his hair. 

"Does he ever talk to you about stuff like that."

"Whoa Harry. Bro code, I can't spill stuff to the dad." Harry frowns clearly worried that Niall is harbouring some deep dark secrets of Liam's. Niall leans back in the table putting his hands behind him to support his weight, the cut stinging slightly as he put pressure on it.

"Hey don't stress. Of course we talk about that kinda stuff but he is not planning on doing anything silly. You really don't have to worry about him, he is the most sensible sixteen year old ever." Harry smiled proudly finally getting round to pouring himself s glass of water. 

"What about you? You planning on doing anything silly." Harry regrets the question as soon as it leaves his mouth. The atmosphere in the room instantly changes. Harry avoids catching Niall's eyes by looking up at the ceiling, making it completely obvious. 

"Possibly." Harry sighs that one word weighing him down. 

"Probably not the best idea, doing stupid things never works out well." His voice is shaking when he talks, he silently cursing himself for sounding so weak. 

Naill slids of the table his boxers riding up his legs a little. It takes all of Harry's willpower to not let out a pathetic noise. 

"You been thinking of doing anything Harry?" Niall walks towards him slowly and Harry is once again floored by his confidence. Like the morning at the church when he tried to get Harry to touch him, Harry would never have done they still his age. 

It would really help Harry a lot of Niall shyed away from him more.

"Nope. Nothing. Mr sensible me." Niall laughed his eyes roaming over Harry's bare chest as he comes to a stop in front of him. 

"Thanks for the plaster. I'm going to head to bed now, goodnight Harry." This is perfect. Niall is not going to push the matter. He is just going to head to bed, just a nice innocent goodnight and nothing else. 

Perfect.

The problem is that Harry's body sometimes doesn't do what his brain wants him to do. Before he can even shout at himself about what a bad idea it is he is reaching out to place his hand in Niall's chest.

He literally just lays his hand flat on Niall's chest like some kind of mental person.

Niall looks down at his hand shaking his head in amusement.

"Ya ok there Harry?" Harry nods planning to remove his hand and forget he had done anything so odd. Instead of removing his hand though he ends up dragging it down to Niall's stomach. He enjoys the way the muscle flex under his touch and the surprised gasp Niall let's out too much. 

"Harry." He sounds so breathless, so completly out of it that Harry almost drops to his knees. Has to actually grab at the counter with his other hand to stop himself from doing it. 

"Goodnight Niall." Niall nods, clears his throat and gives Harry's hand a squeeze before stepping back.

Harry's hand falls to his side the skin off his palm still tingling as Niall turns and leaves the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Niall is laying on Liam's bed his English revision book spread across his face as he listens to Liam drone on and on about the importance of study. 

"Seriously Niall. You have missed so much school, for a good reason of course, but don't you think you should study more to make up for it?" 

Niall agrees, but it's Sunday. Sunday is the day before the week starts again. Niall is going back to school tomorrow and it will be a week of full on lessons and study. Sunday is supposed to be the lazy day before the mayhem starts again. 

"Chill out boring head. We still have a few weeks left to get all the information stored. Let's just chill and play mind numbing computer games." Liam drags the book of Niall's face making it hit his nose on purpose. 

"Fine. But Monday to Friday we study Ok?" Niall screws his face up, sticking his tounge out. 

"FIFA or COD?" Liam thows a controller at Niall before getting to his knees to turn on the Xbox and TV.

"FIFA of course." Liam grins grabbing the case.

Along with Liam's annoying habit of falling asleep during films he also has an annoying habit of shouting and starting some kind of fight with Niall when they play together.

Friendly fight of course. 

They are five matches in and Niall has won three so it's starting to get to Liam a little. The name calling has started and that always makes Niall laugh because Liam has the worse names to call people ever as he hates swearing. 

Obviously Niall's loud cackle everytime Liam tries to offend him just gets his more wound up.

Niall kinda loves it to be honest.

"You are a dick." Niall smirks. He has pushed Liam to the cursing stage, that's always fun. 

"You are a sore loser. Three years we have been doing this Liam. Just admit I am amazing and you suck."

"You're the one that sucks gay boy." 

"You're right there. I love having a mouth full of cock. So big and juicy an..." Niall is cut off by Liam launching his body at him sending them both flying off the bed landing with a harsh bang.

"You're so gross idiot. Like you have ever done that before!" Niall swings his leg over using it to push Liam off so he can straddle his waist.

"Don't you like hearing about my sexual adventures Lima bean? Or do you like to a little to much?" Niall waggles his eyebrows bouncing up and down on Liam who is struggling to keep the smile of his face as he tries to get Niall off him.

"God shut up you loser. Sexual adventures my arse." Niall slaps Liam's hand away reaching down to grab the bottom of his t-shirt. Liam makes a loud screeching noise as Niall pulls his shirt up until it covers his face using it to pin his arms down so he can't keep slapping at him. 

"I can show you sexual adventures on your arse if you like baby boy." 

"Ummm... what?" Niall lets go of Liam falling off his lap very ungracefully as Liam scrambles up shoving his top back down. 

Harry is staring at them from the doorway his fist raised like he was about to knock on the door. He looked between Niall and Liam his eyes wide. 

"Totally not as bad as it sounded or looked I swear." Liam was blushing so much Niall actually thought he might explode. 

"Right? Should I be liked worried about sexual adventures on my child's butt?" Niall laughed while Liam covered his face with his hands obviously mortified his dad had overhead such a thing. Luckily Niall does not share the same shame as his friend and just finds the situation hilarious. 

"Not on your child's butt no. Can't make promises about other butts." Harry chokes on air his eyes getting impossibly wider. 

"Niall stop being gross around my dad." Niall ignored Liam flopping back into the bed to grab his controller. 

"I'm just going to keep this door open alright? I have to head to the shop soon. Keep it PG now boys." Niall looks over his shoulder making eye contact with Harry as he backs out of the room. 

Harry keeps the eye contact for a few seconds before turning and leaving. 

Liam flops onto Niall's back his chin resting on his shoulder.

"Love you Niall." Niall smiles turning his head to kiss Liam on the nose.

"Love you too mate." 

Xxxxxx

Niall ventures out of Liam's room a few hours later leaving Liam behind to talk to Macy on the phone. 

He couldn't stomach hearing Liam turn into a mushy loved up mess even if it was the cutest thing ever.

He discovers Louis in the kitchen banging around with some pots and pans.

"Hey Lou." Lou waves grabbing some pasta out the cupboard.

"What ya doing?" 

"Promised Harry I would come over and cook some food for you and Liam, he didn't want you guys eating crap on a school night because he is a boring man and I have to suffer for it." Niall grabs three of the five sauspans Louis has pulled out and put them back. He grab one of the larger ones filling it up with water and put it on to boil.

"When the water bubbles put the pasta in for about fifteen minutes, sauce is in the fridge heat it up for about five. Why did Harry ask you to cook when you can't?" Louis shrugs going into the fridge to search for the sauce that Harry makes from scratch.

"Is he working late or something?" Louis gives Niall and akward look, throwing the container of sauce onto the worktop.

"Nope. He is out on a date actually." Niall feels like someone has kicked his feet out from under him and punched him in the gut at the same time. 

Harry was on a date?   
Why would he be on a date? 

"What! Why?" He grips the table to stop himself from charging across the room to shake as much information out of Louis as he can.

Could he stop the date?  
He could ring Harry with some kind of emergency, get him to rush home.

He moves to grab his phone out of his pocket to do just that.

"Because he is a single adult Niall and that is what single adults do. They go on dates with other single adults." Niall's hand is shaking and he can't get his phone to unlock and he wants to scream and pull a strop because right now Harry is on a date. He could be flirting and laughing and god knows what else with someone.  
What if it goes well and they keep dating and then Niall has to watch Harry be with someone. 

He doesn't want to see Harry with someone because he wants to be with Harry.

"He doesn't want to date though. He told me himself. Who is this person?" Louis's hand wraps around Niall's phone gently removing it from his hands. 

"It's a woman I work with, I set the date up for him." Niall's head shoots up. He could slap Louis. He should slap him. 

"So she is a uni professor?" That sounds so much better then sixteen year old school boy with plans to travel the world. 

Shit.

Harry is out with a proper grown up woman who has a really good job and most likely really good conversation. 

"Yes. A really nice one." Louis pockets Niall's phone but he is still panicking too much to really notice. 

"Why did you do that? He doesn't want that." The water started bubbling in the pan so Louis poured the whole pack of pasta in. Niall didn't care enough to tell him that half a pack would have been fine. Louis then emptied the sauce into another pan ready to be heated. 

"He asked me to, and I think it's a good idea considering."

"Considering what?" Louis sighed turning to make sure Liam was not coming down the stairs. 

"Considering what's been going on between you two. I'm not letting him get involved with you Niall, it's the best for you both." Niall shouldn't be shocked thsy Harry had told Louis but he was.  
He was sure this was something Harry would keep to himself.

"You don't have to force other people on him though. Me and Harry are not going to do anything." Louis flicked the hob on for the sauce shouting Liam's name.

"I didn't force him. He wanted to do it." And ok, ouch, that hurt.  

Niall took a seat at the kitchen table looking down at his hands not saying a word until Louis started placing bowls onto the table.

"Can I have my phone back please?" He sounds pathetic and it makes Louis hesitate and maybe feel a little bit bad for him.

"No. Not until I know the date is over." Liam walks into the room then so Niall just starts picking at his food forcing it down his dry throat. The urge to leave the house so he can go home and wallow in misary is so strong but he promised Liam he would sleep tonight. They had plans to get ready for school together so Liam would start questioning what was wrong if he suddenly changed that.

Plus being at home won't help. At least being here he is not alone, in a cold empty mess of a home with nothing but the thought of Harry with someone else to keep him busy.

Niall doesn't say a word during dinner, nor does he look up once.

If Liam senses the tension he did an amazing job at acting like he couldn't.

When they had finished eating Liam stayed down to help Louis clear up while Niall stomped upstairs grabbing his revisions book off the side. This was better then letting his mind wonder to Harry out on some stupid date being all romantic and flirting with some woman. 

XXX

It's nearly midnight when Niall hears Harry's car pull into his driveway. He stands up from Liam's bed careful not to wake him and walked over to the window peaking out of the curtain.

He could see Harry sitting in his car the interior light coming on when he opened the door. It was hard to tell if he was happy or not but judging by the late hour Niall was going to guess the date went well. He waited until Harry was inside before he grabbed a jumper out of Liam's wardobe pulling it over his head, glad to find it was a nice baggy one. 

He left the room and made his way down the dark hallway. He wouldn't be able to sleep until he hears about the date so he might as well go seek Harry out and ask him about it.

The downstairs is still in darkness but when Niall wonders into the kitchen the outside garden light is on and he can see Harry sat on one of the chairs sipping from a bottle of beer.

Niall pulls the sleeves of the jumper down over his hands before opening the door and stepping outside. 

It's quite a nice night, the summer weather starting to show itself. The stars are out in full force and the breeze is nice and comforting against Niall's face as he pads over to Harry taking a seat next to him. 

Without looking at him Harry passes his bottle over. Niall grabs it taking a small sip before passing it back. 

"How was the date?" Niall thinks he sounds bitter and feels bad. He didn't mean to sound that way. Harry leans forward starting to pull at the label in the bottle. 

"She was nice." Niall hates her already.

"Her name was Ashley, she is twenty eight and she teaches drama at the university." Niall rolls his eyes reaching for the bottle in Harry's hand again taking a longer sip this time before handing it back.

"Harry and Ashley. Doesn't sound right " Harry blows some air out from between his lip flopping back in his chair crossing one leg over the other.

"She lives in the new flats right in the city, she has two cats called Mitsie and Daisy. She wants a dog preferably a Labrador and she plans to call it sugar because apparently that's a thing people do. She really enjoys her work and thinks Louis is hilarious. She goes and visits her mum most weekend because she gets bored at her flat on her own. She dyes her hair blonde but it doesn't look as good as yours." Niall's heart shots up into his throat. 

"I could probably write a book on the things she told me about herself tonight but she didn't ask a single thing about me. I told her my wife died and she didn't ask how, I told her I have a son and she said she preferred animals and moved on. She didn't ask things about my life and listen to me and look at me like she was hearing the most interesting story in the world like you do." Niall grips onto the arm of the chair his eyes glued to Harry's his heart was going to burst out of his mouth soon and he was going to throw up.

"I spent hours listening to her talk while we ate and walked around and the whole time I wished it was you. This date was supposed to make me forget about you but here I am. Sat in my garden, drinking a beer with you wishing it was you I spent my evening with." Niall didn't know what to say to that, probably couldn't talk to be honest. Instead he holds his hand out palm up and fingers spread. Harry takes it in his, his eyes closing as his head falls back.

"It can't happen Niall." Niall clears his throat, takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. It doesn't work. 

"I know." Harry nods holding Niall's hand tighter. 

They still like that for a while passing the beer back and forward until it's gone. 

"How have things been with your dad?" Niall laughs bringing his legs up onto the chair.

"I haven't seen him since our fight. He is still working a lot. At least I think he is, i have not asked where he is." Harry drops the bottle onto the ground turning his body to the side to face Niall better.

"Do you want me to have a word with him? It hasn't been long since your mum passed he should be home with you for as much time as he can spare." Niall doesn't know how to explain to Harry that he doesn't want his dad home. 

He doesn't have an explanation or the reason for the anger that he feels around his dad or other people. That if he has another fight with his dad it will be because he started it because he wants to hurt people. 

Not Harry.  
And not Liam.  
This is his safe happy place and as soon as he leaves this house he want to damage everything so it all feels like him.

"No it's alright. It will get better soon I'm sure. Maybe I just need to stop hiding here every chance I get. I have school tomorrow, I will just go home from there and see how it goes." See if it's possible to face a school day without breaking, that's all depending on Zayn Malik. 

"If your sure." Niall nods giving Harry a reassuring smile. 

They fall into a relaxed silence again, Harry's fingers twirling and playing with Niall's, sending small shivers down Niall's arm with every brush of skin.

"Did you hold her hand." Harry swallows and looks away.

Oh. 

"Did you kiss her?" 

"No! God no." Harry shakes his head wildly from side to side like the idea he might have kissed Ashley was the worse thing ever.

"Would you have kissed me?" Harry's hand goes still, the air once again turning thick around them.

Niall was really going to have to learn to breath in all the tension that came up around them. 

His lips parted and he took in a deep breath, Harry's hand starts moving again

"Depends." Niall laughs shaking his head.

"On what?" Harry smirks using his free hand to reach over and grab Niall's chair to pull him closer.

"How romantic the date was. How much you impressed me and how well you flirted." Harry let's go of Niall's hand slinging his arm over the back of his chair his hand touching his shoulder. Niall raised his own hand to link their fingers together again.

"Ah I see. Well I don't think I would have liked to sit in a stuffy restaurant surrounded by other people. No, on night as pretty as this I would have stayed outside. A picnic under the stars in a private area. That way I can pay better attention to all the things you have to tell me about yourself." Harry's eyes wonder over Niall's face, his cheeks flushed as he listened.

"You would tell me about your wife and I would hold your hand and tell you how amazing she sounded, how brave you must have been. You would then tell me about your son, I would asked about him and find out what he was like. Then tell you what a nerd he sounds like." Harry snorted rather unattractively swatting Niall on the chest. 

"I would be a total cheese ball and feed you strawberries because they would probably make you laugh and blush at the same time. And give me a killer reason to get my fingers near that mouth of yours." Niall looks at Harry's puffy red lips feeling accomplished when Harry's tounge darts out to lick across followed by his teeth.

"As for flirting. I wouldn't have to, I'm Irish." Harry laughs loudly again nodding in agreement.

"Sounds like you would get yourself that kiss." Harry cups Niall's cheek in his hand, smiling fondly when Niall leaned into it his eyes fluttering. 

"If only I was so lucky." Harry drags his thumb over Niall's bottom lip gasping in surprise when Niall opens his mouth and takes the tip between his lips. 

Harry holds it there for a second, only just himself back from shoving the whole digit in so he could find out what Niall's lips looked like wrapped around something.

"God I want to kiss you." Niall groaned grabbing Harry's wrist releasing his thumb then quickly replacing it with Harry's middle and index finger taking them all the way down to his knuckles. 

"Shit." Harry moans his body lunging forward shocked at the sudden warmth and wetness. 

He gets hard instantly his cock pushing against the zipper of his jeans. 

Niall's mouth looks sinful sliding up and down, his tounge twirling around before he plunge back down, managing to literally deep throat Harry's fingers with ease.

"Niall, you're fucking killing me." Niall pulls of with a pop a string of saliva hanging from his lips and connecting with Harry's hand.

"Kiss me." Harry groans grabbing the back of Niall's head to pull him closer. Niall closes his eyes, places his hands onto Harry chest for support waiting for the moment he finally get to kiss Harry.

But it never comes.

Harry groans again tugging on Niall's hair, his chest heaving with how heavy he is breathing.

"We can't Niall. We really can't." Niall's head fall forward, his forehead smacking into Harry shoulder.

"Want is so badly though. Can't stop thinking about it Harry. I want it, I want to be yours." 

"I know. Me too, but Liam. I have to think of Liam." He stands up pulling Niall to his feet too.

"You're so young Niall, it's just a crush." Niall wraps his arms around Harry waist his face burying into his chest. 

He didn't think it was just a crush.  
Everything was Harry. His brain just screamed Harry, Harry, Harry all day and night.

Harry hugged him back his fingers wrapped in his hair his face pressed into the blond locks breathing him in. 

"Can't I have one kiss? One kiss then we will forget it all." Harry closed his eyes tight. His body shook with the want to swoop down and kiss Niall right now, his cock getting even harder at the thought. He couldn't do it though.

"One kiss would just leave me wanting more. I can't risk it." Niall steps away from Harry.

"Then I need to get away from you take a couple of days yeah." Harry nods in agreement. Niall had been around a lot the last few days, maybe space would help them both.

"Take me back to bed." The question and the innocent way Niall says it makes Harry twitch in his jeans. 

They walk hand in hand back into the houses pausing to lock the door.

They stop outside Liam's door, Harry poking his head in to make sure he was asleep.

"I don't want you to feel like you can't come here if something happens at school or with your dad." 

"I know. If it's an emergency I will come."   
They stand there for a while neither wanting to leave. Niall so badly whished he could go with Harry into his room and fall asleep wrapped up in his arms. 

"Goodnight then." Harry pulls him closer pressing his lips to his cheek. Niall wraps his arms around Harry neck his head titling to the side his breath catching in his throat when Harry slides his lips down to his neck.

"Fuck. So easy to lose control around you." Niall's head goes fuzzy so he barely register's his wrist being pinned above his head. His back arches pushing into Harry's. 

Harry's lips ghosting over his skin is like torture, he is so close to getting what he wants. He can suddenly hear himself chanting please over and over again, desperate for Harry's lips, touch, anything. 

The ends of Harry hair brush over Niall's shoulder the skin is so sensitive it makes him hiss. God he wanted to pull at that hair.

"Your begging for it, how am I supposed to resit?" Niall isn't sure if Harry is actually asking him or if he is just talking to himself. 

"I don't know. I don't know Harry...I can't. Oh god please I'm so hard. I need something. I just need anything...ah." Harry watches with wide eyes as Niall twist desperately his hands trying to get free of his grip. He looks like he is being fucked, like he could come just by Harry pinning him there.

It's this thought that has Harry releasing Niall and stumbling back. 

"No, sorry. What the hell am I doing. Niall I am so sorry." Niall slumps to the floor looking dazed as Harry scrambles to his room. 

He leans his head back against the wall his hands shaking as he shoved his trousers down just enough to release his hard, leaking cock. He only has to pump himself three times before he is spilling into his fist his body convulsing, his moan getting caught in his throat. 

He looks over to Harry's door slowing coming down from his high. 

He really has to stay away for a few days.


	12. Chapter 12

The first few days of school are surprising uneventful for Niall. People have stopped looking at him now. The news of his mums death forgotten after a teacher had gotten himself into a cheating scandal that resulted in his wife coming in and throwing a suitcase off clothes at him. 

Zayn had been a no show too. Niall was not sure if he was out of school completely or if he was just lucky enough to just not have crossed his path yet.

Home life had stayed the same but Niall was in a routine now. He would come home from school and do whatever homework and revision he had before making himself something for dinner. Then he just had to amuse himself until he was tired enough to sleep.

He was not surprised that he had not seen his dad even though he had been home regularly for three days now. He must be alive though because Niall had been leaving out a list of groceries they needed and in the morning everything was there that he had requested, so that was something he supposed. 

He had a total of sixty missed calls and nearly one hundred texts messages on his phone from his brother that he had been ignoring.

He was still thinking about Harry nearly every second of the day, the fact that he had not seen him face to face for three days bothered him more then not seeing his dad for just over a week. 

The distance done nothing to stop his crush and most nights Harry was the main focus of Niall's wank fantasies. 

But he had said he was going to take time way from him so he would stay away. It wasn't like Harry had called or text to say he wanted him back round again. Maybe Harry was enjoying the space. 

Thursday, just before lunch, was when Niall saw Zayn again for the first time. He was sat in Mr Sykes class his foot resting on Liam chair in front of him and his head down as he worked on his sheet of problems they had been given. 

The door banged open so harshly that the handle wedged into the wall and the girl sitting next to Niall yelped in shock.

Niall looked up his mouth hanging open slightly as Zayn barged in throwing a piece of paper at Mr Sykes his face red with anger. 

"What the fuck is this!" He yelled pointing to the paper that had fallen onto the lap of the very flustered looking teacher. Mr Sykes's picked up the paper his shoulders sagging.

"Mr Mal.."

"No fuck you with your Mr Malik you arsehole! You know how hard I worked on that, you fucking saw how hard I studied. That's a bullshit grade!" Zayn snatched the paper back ripping it up then throwing it onto the floor.

"If you calm down I will explain." Mr Sykes gets to his feet holding his hands out in front of him.

"I don't want your fucking explanation. You know I need this, why wont you help me? Why wont you go easy on me? You fucking saw me study day and night Al.."

"Get out of my classroom now!" Niall jumped back in his seat at the harsh tone. What the hell was going on? 

Zayn took a deep breath his fist clenching tightly at his side.

"I said leave Zayn!" Zayn mutters another 'fuck you' before storming out of the room. The class remain still, Mr Sykes glaring at the spot where Zayn had been standing, his face red and his chest heaving. Niall didn't think he had ever seen a teacher get as angry as that with a student before. 

"Carry on doing your worksheets until the bell rings." He gathered his stuff up, his hands visibly shaking, then left the room. 

"What on earth was that?" Liam asked turning to face Niall. Niall shrugged swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. 

He may have no idea what was going on but he knew for sure that if he came across Zayn after that he was going to get the full brunt of his anger. 

Niall picked his pen back up looking around to the the rest of the class doing the same. Everyone to shocked to even think about messing around. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I need to go to my locker to grab my lunch." Niall told Liam as they left the classroom.

"OK, I will meet you in the canteen? You mind if we sit with Macy?" Niall shakes his head patting Liam on the shoulder as they went separate ways. Niall should have expected to come across Zayn when he got to the Locker area really. 

He kept his eyes down making his way to his locker staying as quite as he could while he searched for his key in his bag. He finally found the small metal key under a pair of socks that Niall had no idea where even in there. 

He could feel Zayn's eyes burning into the back of his head as he unlocked his locker and pulled his lunch out before slamming the door shut again. He put his lunch and the key back into his bag before taking a deep breath and turning to face Zayn. 

He had moved closer, his right foot up on one of the benches they have scattered around, a small smirk on his face. 

"Good afternoon Niall." Niall resists the urge to roll his eyes, adjusting his bags strap on his shoulder.

"Afternoon Zayn." Zayn drops his foot off the bench slowly making his way closer to Niall. 

He has a cigarette tucked behind his ear and Niall hates that he makes it look cool. How can such an arsehole be so cool and stupidly pretty?

"How have you been Niall? Good?" Niall nervously plays with his finger, not sure what kind of game Zayn is playing. Normally he would go straight into calling him names or pushing him about. 

"You look a little tired. Not been sleeping well?" Zayn hums in fake sympathy walking slowly around Niall.

"Must be hard to sleep, what with a dead mum and all that. Heard that stupid brother of yours left town too. Good riddance to shit that's what I say." Niall clenches his teeth his fingers digging into his skin to try and distract himself for what Zayn is saying. Its just words after all, he should not care what Zayn says. 

"Are you all alone now Niall? My dad says he see's your dad down at the pub most evening, stays quite late. Does Daddy leave you at home all alone Niall?" Niall's stomach sinks. He had no idea he dad had been going to the pub. He thought he was working late. He had been leaving Niall at home alone for the pub? He tries to act like he is not effected but what Zayn said twists his guts to much for him not to react. 

"Did you not know." Zayn leans forward his lips nearly brushing Niall's ear.

"Poor pathetic Niall. Mummy's dead, Daddy's drinking his time away and his Brother just didn't care enough to stay." Niall's fist balls up at his side, he can feel the anger heating his body up making him shake and gasp for breath.

"Poor, sad, lonely little gay boy." Niall shoves Zayn away from him his arm reaching back and before he can even blink he has swung it forward punching Zayn on the side of his face. Zayn stumbles back his hand flying up to cover his cheek. The look he gives Niall makes part of him want to run but his feet stayed plastered to the floor. The part of him that wants to stay and fight, to try and rip Zayn to pieces wins. 

Zayn lunges at Niall both of them crashing to the floor, Niall's head slamming on one of the benches on the way down but he is to riled up to even feel the pain. Zayn slams his fist into Niall's lip, the skin busting straight away filling Niall's mouth with blood. Niall barely flinches grabbing a handful of Zayn's hair and pulling it until he rolls of him. He clambers to his knees swinging himself around landing a punch to Zayn's stomach knocking the air out of him.

They carry on going for each other, Niall only managing to carry on due to the adrenaline surging through him. Will regret it later when he calms down and realises how sore he actually is. 

Its not until the fight spills out into the hallway and the noise of other students watching Niall and Zayn roll around punching and kicking do they draw the attention of a teacher.

Niall is still kicking and shouting when Mr Sykes and Mr Malcolm, the P.E teacher, pull them apart.

"What the hell has gotten into you today!" Mr Sykes yells at Zayn shoving him away from Niall when he makes a move towards him again.

"My classroom now Mr Malik, and you Mr Horan." Mr Sykes spins around his finger pointing at Niall.

"I expected better, head teachers office now! You will be staying there for the rest of the day and your father will be called." Niall rips his arm out off Mr Malcolm's grip pushing trough the crowd that had gathered to make his way to the office. He is to pissed off to notice Liam follow him to the door a worried look on his face as he watched Niall go into the head teachers room. 

xxxx

Niall storms into his house throwing his bag harshly to the side causing it to slam into the wall.

He stomps into the kitchen yanking the fridge door open so he can grab out his dad's unopened six pack of beer.

They rattle together loudly as he put them on the table ripping at the cardboard keeping them secure.

He takes the first bottle slamming it down on the edge of the table to pop the cap off, not caring when he takes a lump of wood out of the table.

The table his mum had saved for.

It's not like she was here to enjoy it.

He put the bottle to his lips, throwing his head back chugging it quickly his throat constricting as he swallowed. Beer dribbling down his chin soaking his top but he kept going until the bottle was empty. 

He chucked it to the side the glass shattering when it smashed into the cupboard. 

Niall pulls his phone out of his pocket. He felt sick, had drank to quickly.

His only experience off alcohol so far had been the few sips his dad or Harry had let him have. His throat was burning slightly but he pushed the urge to vomit away putting his phone to his ear.

His dad doesn't answer so he rings again. Then again, again and again until he finally gets the hint and picks up. 

"Hey Son, I'm in a meeting." Bobby's voice fueled him on. Added to his anger more then Niall thought possible.

"The beer you buy taste like shit. It's cheap crap." Bobby doesn't reply straight away. Niall grips the phone tighter, can hear the plastic creak under the pressure. It's kind of how he feels. Like someone is squeezing him. Like he could give in to the pressure any second.

"What are you on about Niall? Are you drinking?" Niall laughs grabbing another bottle from the table balancing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he takes the lid off. Another chip added to the table.

"It's what you do. I'm just learning from you Dad. You spend all your time at the pub am i right? Drinking away the pain dad? I will do the same yeah?." Bobby let's out a shaky breath. Niall takes a few more sips.

"I'm now coming home. Don't drink anymore. For Christ sake Niall what are you playing at!" Niall put the bottle down wiping his mouth with the back of his hand wincing when he makes contact with his cut.

"Should I be expecting you before or after your normal stop off? Because there's more important right? More important then me?" Bobby hangs up after that. Niall puts his phone back into his pocket his eyes trained on the doorway waiting for the moment his dad got home.

When he heard the front door open he picked the bottle up again taking another long sip. 

"Niall!" He doesn't answer just waits for his dad to find him. When he finally walks into the kitchen his eyes roam over Niall before moving over to the beer. He looks relived to see most of the pack still there. 

"What's all this about Niall?" Niall holds the bottle out towards him. Bobby hesitates before reaching out to take it.

"You like drinking so much, I thought if I started drinking with you I might get to see your face once in a while." He takes another bottle from the pack but doesn't open it this time.

He can see his dad struggling. He knows his dad won't have a clue how to deal with this. It was his mum's job to take care of the boys.

Her job to make them feel safe, cared for and happy. 

Bobby was the one who dealt with the easier stuff. The fun stuff.

He had no idea how to deal with an angry grieving teenager. 

"You not going to have any? Don't like this stuff anymore? I supposed you got used to the stuff at the pub right. Probably taste better then this." Bobby takes a step closer, approaching Niall like he was wild animal ready to attack.

It's kind of what he was really. 

"It's just a few nights a week Niall. I just need a place to go to unwind." Niall tightens his grip on the neck of the bottle before launching it at the wall above his dad's head.

Bobby ducks down his hands covering his head as glass and beer cover him, his own bottle he had been holding cashing to the ground too.

"I need you!" Niall reaches for another bottle Bobby managing to lunge forward and grab his wrist before Niall can throw it at him. It falls to the floor buy their feet, not smashing and rolling away. 

Bobby gets his arms around Niall pinning his arms to his side tightly so he can't move.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Bobby falls to the floor taking Niall with him. 

They both start crying, Niall struggling to get out of his dads grip but he is holding to tightly refusing to let go until he calms down. 

Niall looks around the kitchen. The glass and sticky liquid. The damaged table. His sobs grow louder and harder. Bobby pulls his head back his embraced changing to a gentle one as he comforts Niall.

"I want her back dad. I want her back so badly. You left me alone. I want my mum." Bobby doesn't speak, can't think of the words to comfort his son as they sit together on the floor crying over the loss and the anger and the regret.

Niall lets himself be held without a fuss finally. His body relaxes into his dad's hold, but it's not the same.

It's not like when his mum used to hold him.  
It doesn't chase away his worries, anger or sadness. His dad doesn't know the right things to say, he doesn't know how to make it all better.

Niall is scared it will never be better ever again. 

He lost so much of himself with his mum and he didn't think it was possible to get it back again.


	13. Chapter 13

Niall is not really surprised when he wakes up from his nap to find Liam pressed to his back his arms and legs wrapped tightly around him.

It had been a week since his fight with Zayn and between avoiding talking about it and sitting in detention everyday Niall had not seen much of Liam. He had also been ignoring most of his texts messages. 

"Get up stinky we are going to a party." That does surprise him. Niall groans rolling over, which is hard considering Liam didn't feel the need to detach himself from Niall at all. Once Niall has managed to fully turn his nose hitting Liam's he opens his eyes.

"What, what time is it? Actually what day?" Liam laughs brushing their noses together in a Eskimo kiss.

"It's still Friday. It's nearly seven PM. Macy is throwing a party and as her boyfriend I have to go. As the boyfriends best friend I decided you also have to go." Niall really can't imagine doing anything tonight other then rolling back over and going to sleep again. He knows Liam well enough to know he was not getting a choice in the matter. 

Liam wiggles off the bed purposefully taking the duvet with him leaving Niall laying in just a thin top and boxers. 

"I hate you." Liam throws the duvet to the end of the bed grinning down at Niall.  
"You love me. Now go shower." Niall groaned again throwing himself around dramatically as he stumbles to the bathroom. 

He pulls a face at his reflection. His hair a mess on his head and pillow creases over the right side of his face. He looks like shit. 

He brushes his teeth whilst waiting for the shower to heat up still wondering how he was going to get himself anywhere close to be in the mood to go to a party. 

Him and Liam don't do parties. They do Netflix's and junk food. Curse Liam and his attraction to a popular girl with her parties and friends.

He undressed throwing the small amount of clothing into the laundry basket that was starting to overflow.

His dad had been home a little more since Niall had decided to throw a glass bottle at his head. It was obvious that he didn't want to be though. Conversation was awkward and usually they ended up falling into an uncomfortable silence whilst eating dinner together. His dad would always be checking the time making it clear he was itching to get to a suitable time for him to excuse himself and leave.

Niall climbed into the shower making a mental note to load the washing machine soon so they both don't end up running out of clean stuff to wear. He really didn't need to start going to school smelling like a homeless person. 

He cant help but think about Harry then. Harry was seventeen when he meet Liam's mum and took on a baby. If Harry can become a dad at seventeen then surely Niall can start looking after his household a little more. Make some proper shopping lists for some good healthy meals. Do the washing and the cleaning so they don't end up living in a dump. Just until he has gotten on his plane to New York, then he can just be a teenager for a year.

Its been strange not seeing Harry for two weeks. He still thinks about him most the time, still misses him and still has the same desire for him making his stomach churn and his heart pound. He is not really sure if its been easier though? Sure it's better when he doesn't find himself in a situation where him and Harry could kiss and get so close to doing it. But its still there, he still wants to kiss him and it still drives him crazy. The proof of that is in the amount of times he has laid in bed with his hand wrapped around himself moaning Harry's name into his pillow so his dad don't hear him. It's there now, making him harden as he washes the shampoo out of his hair. The tugging and twisting off his stomach and the rate that his heat his beating. Sometimes Niall cant help but to fall into one of these dazes where his mind his just filled with all things Harry. 

Harry, Harry, Harry.

He thinks he would happily let his whole world just be about Harry. 

He can't though. Not when Liam is sitting in his bedroom waiting for him.

He turns the shower round to cold spinning to face the stream of water gasping at the temperature change. It does the job though and Niall can step out of the shower and wrap a towel around his waist and go back to his bedroom without an obvious boner. 

Liam is sat crossed legged on the bed when he walks back in, clothes for Niall already picked out and laying neatly beside him. 

"It feels so different here now, without your mum." Niall walks over to his dressing table dropping his towel on the way. He pulls on his boxers then a pair of socks before going back over to his bed. Liam has picked out his skinny black jeans, a simple plain white top and his baggy grey jumper. 

"How have things been with you and your dad now?" Niall yanks his jeans on, hopping a little to get them over his butt. 

"Better but not the same as before. Not that I expect anything to be the same as before." Niall's life was separated into two half's now. Before his mum died and after his mum died. He was still finding it hard to except that life would never go back to how it was before. 

He had a lot of time to think about what it would be like when his mum finally died. He had imagined Greg and his dad being like a rock to him, he thought they would all step up. All take over a piece of his mum so that together they could make it feel like she was still here. He never thought about an empty house. Fights with his dad. Greg leaving completely. 

"You haven't been coming to mine for a while. Your not going to let it get to much for you right? If you need to be somewhere other then here you will come over?" Niall feels like between Liam and Harry he has had this conversation too many times. It makes him want to snap but Liam is looking up at him all worried, and he doesn't know about the thing between him and Harry. Niall cups Liam's face in his hands leaning down to kiss his forehead.

"I know Liam. You don't have to worry about me so much. I'm dealing with things." Liam looks like he wants to say more but he drops it watching Niall pull the rest of his clothes on. 

"I feel lazy can you do my hair for me please?" Liam rolls his eyes but gets up of the bed anyway going to get Niall's hair stuff.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You know, i'm not sure if they have the music loud enough." Liam shoves Niall in the side shooting him a look. The house is not even in sight yet and Niall can feel the bass of the music under his feet.

"How to people not complain? Like that would drive me nuts." 

"For gods shake Niall, will you loosen up. Macy lets the neighbours know okay and she has an agreement of when the party needs to start dying down. You old man."

"Hey! I have always been old beyond my years and I don't care." Niall screws his face up when Macy's house comes into view. There where a handful of people outside smoking and talking and Niall could see trough the windows that inside was pretty packed.

"Hello hell." Liam rolls his eyes pushing Niall forward.

"Stop it." Once they are inside Niall can no longer hear Liam or even begin to want to try talking to him so he settles for holding his hand and being led into the mass of people. They find Macy stood with a group of her friends a red cup in her hand. Her face lights up when she see's Liam and that kinda warms Niall's heart a little. Its how he thinks everyone should look when they get to spend time with his best friend. Macy says something to Niall her mouth moving quickly and her eyes wide clearly excited about something. Niall points to his ears letting her know he cant hear a word that she is saying. She laughs then points in the direction that Niall is guessing the kitchen, then Liam is grabbing his hand again and pulling him. 

The kitchen is just as loud and rather dark. Niall scans the area seeing a few people he has classes with and quite a lot of older people he has never seen before in his life. Liam shoves a cup in his hand filled with god knows what. There is an awful lot of alcohol on the counter but he trusts Liam to not make him anything too strong so he happily sips his eyes still moving around the room. 

A boy comes over to speak to Liam, their faces close so they can be heard. Someone from Liam's science class he thinks, but he is not sure. 

Parties are weird and he cant understand why people like them so much. The music is so loud that he can't even hear himself think let alone what anyone else would want to say to him. And its not even good music, its just noise. Then you have all the alcohol and the worry of someone slipping something into your drink. Its dark, It loud, Its kinda smelly and Niall is bored already. But Liam is smiling and laughing and also refilling Niall's drink so he wont complain out loud. Not that Liam would even hear him. 

After he has finished his second drink he leans forward until his mouth his pressed to Liam's ear.

"I'm going to go outside for fresh air." He said it purposefully loud cackling when Liam swats at him then nods to let Niall know he heard him. 

Niall moves past the bodies of people until he finds the backdoor sighing with relief when he gets outside to fresh air. The music is still loud out here but its not so mind crushing. 

The back yard is just like the front with people smoking and talking. Its more chilled out and definitely more Niall's scene. Hopefully Liam would come out soon and he can convince him to stay out here with him. 

He moves to the side of the house smiling at the people he did not know and saying a quick hello to the ones he did. When he rounds the end of the house he stumbles across what he for sure knows is Zayn Malik dealing drugs. 

He goes to steps back and disappear but Zayn's eyes snap up and he freezes. 

He knows he should probably leave. Go back inside to find Liam and get lost in the crowd so that Zayn will forget about him. Instead he stays frozen to the spot as Zayn pockets his money and the bloke he is with quickly leaves giving Niall a funny look as he passes. Zayn moves over to him slowly that stupid smirk on his face that seems to permanently be there. 

He manages to look more intimidating out of his school uniform, with his annoying cool leather jacket and jeans with more holes then anything in them. Who even wears jeans with so little material. 

"You get lost Loser?" Niall swallow's around a lump in his throat trying his best to not look as nervous as he feels. 

"I'm not going to say anything." Zayn chuckles, the sound sending a cold shiver over Niall. 

"Oh I know. Because if you did then this.." He grabs Niall chin harshly his thumb digging into the cut on Niall's lip. "This wont be the only thing I put on that stupid face of yours." Niall wraps his hand around Zayn's wrist trying to get him to loosen his grip, the cut on his lip burning as he dug into it. He slams Niall backwards his head hitting the brick wall with a thud. Niall grunts his hands leaving Zayn's wrist to cradle his head. 

"You so much as mention my name to anyone tonight I will find out. These pretty little lips stay closed." Niall looks down his eyes wide as Zayn traces his lips with his fingers. Zayn laughs pressing Niall against the wall more, stepping closer until his body is almost pressed to Niall's.

"Such a little gay boy. You going to get hard gay boy." Niall pushes Zayn away slapping his hands off his face his body shaking with either anger or fear, Maybe both.

"Fuck you! What is even your problem with me Zayn? Why the hell do you fucking hate me so much? Is it just because I am gay? Because you don't have to worry about that, I would rather eat my own fucking eyeballs then fuck you." Zayn surges forward his hand wrapping around Niall's throat pushing him back until his knees buckle and he falls to the floor Zayn straddling his waist his hand still gripping his throat. 

Niall starts to panic, is sure that Zayn is more then capable of choking him to death right now without a flicker of remorse. He desperately tries to gasp for breath clawing at Zayn's hand with his fingernails. Zayn leans down a sick smile on his face.

"I don't like you because you're a whiny little bitch who needs to be put in his place. You don't need to be gay but it sure as hell makes hating you that little bit easier. I hate you because just the sight of you makes me want to rip your fucking throat out." He lets go off Niall smiling down at him as he gasps, taking in as much air as he can. 

"Maybe I will rip them eyes out for you. Make you eat them." Niall glares up at him lifting himself up on his arms, regretting it instantly when it brings him closer to Zayn. 

"You're messed up you know that? Been taking to much of what your been selling? You are a bloody psycho." Zayn reaches into his jacket pocket pulling out a small clear bag with a couple of pills inside.

"You mean these right. Maybe you should take some. Loosen up a little." He tips them out into his hand and for a second Niall actually thinks he is going to force them into his mouth but instead he tips his head back and takes them himself.

He keeps his head back for a moment before slowly looking down at Niall again. 

"You stay safe tonight little Niall. Your never know who might want to take advantage of such a pretty little twink." And then he leaves his laugh echoing in Niall's ears as he stares up at the sky trying to get his head around what the hell just happened. 

He really hates parties.

xxxxxx

He finds Liam dancing in the living room with Macy. He is halfway to him when his arm is grabbed and he is pulled back. He looks over his shoulder almost expecting Zayn to be there with another warning but instead is faced with Dylan, the one the always stares at him at school.

He is talking to Niall and he wonders how people don't seem to understand that they cant be heard in this house right now. Dylan must clock on that Niall cannot hear him because he is suddenly stepping closer his face pressing into the side of Niall's.

"Do you want to dance?" Niall doesn't. He really, really does not want to do anything other then get Liam and go home and be as far away from Zayn as he can. 

But its easier to let himself be led into the crowd by Dylan who stops close enough to Liam that he gets his attention. Liam frowns as soon as he see's Niall like he knows just by looking at him that something has happened. Niall just shakes his head slightly huffing when Dylans hands grab at his waist to get him to move. He wants to be rude and push him away but Dylan is really sweet. Even if he seems a little creepy most the time. Niall would end up feeling rotten if he hurts his feelings so instead he forces himself to relax and forget about Zayn. He wouldn't do anything to Niall here anyway, not when there is so many people. And Niall had no plans to tell anyone about what he saw. Except for Liam maybe.

It's not so bad really, once he clears his head and just moves to the music. He finds that he does not mind the feeling of Dylan pressed up behind him or his arms around his waist or his breath skimming over his neck. Liam has a cup in his hand and when he moves close enough Niall reaches out and snatches it sending Liam a wink before he downs it. He splutters wiping at his mouth because whatever Liam had been drinking was strong. He can see Liam laughing so he throws the cup back towards him enjoying the warm buzz that was spreading trough him. 

He moves his hand upwards to tangle in Dylan's hair his head falling back onto his shoulder. 

This was nice. Just the music and the feel off somebody. No fighting, no arguing, no other shit. Just dancing. The song chances to a quicker one as Niall's hands fling out to grab at Liam pulling him towards him until they are chest to chest.

"Hi!" He says it loudly but it sure Liam still didn't hear it. Liam doesn't miss a beat, his hands tangling together behind Niall's head and his hips moving in time with Niall's. 

Niall has to laugh. A loud one that fills Liam ears. 

His life has been so strange and tonight is no different.

One moment he is being pushed to the ground by his bully who he was sure was going to kill him and then the next moment he is dancing between his best friend and the boy who has always had a crush on him. 

He locks eyes with Liam and he can see the concern in them so he smiles, wants to make Liam think he is absolutely fine. He pulls Liam closer nuzzling his face into his neck.

He smells a little like Harry is the thing. Not Apple, because Harry always smells like Apple. But their house. Its a smell that always seems to be on Harry wherever he goes. 

There is that smell and there is the feeling of Dylan pressed so hard against him and Liam in front all three moving their hips in time to the music and its so much.

"Ni, are you drunk?" Niall shakes his head because no, he cant be. He had them two drinks before he went outside. They where not that strong. And he had the one he just stole off Liam and that was strong but that was not enough to make him drunk he didn't think. 

He looks up at Liam again who still looks so concerned. He doesn't want Liam to always be worried about him. 

He closes his eyes so he cant see it anymore.

He is not sure how long they dance for but at some point another drinks gets pushed to his lips and he drinks without even thinking about it. He is sure it was Liam anyway. 

Liam stays with him the whole time. Even though he has a girlfriend he could be dancing with and making out with. He stays with Niall who is gripping at him and grinding on him and looking at him like he has forgotten who he is. 

He just smell so much like Harry. Niall misses Harry. He pulls Liam in closer by the back on his head until his face blurs. Then he can let himself believe that its not Liam hips pressed against his and not Dylan's arms wrapped around his waist. Its still not right though, because Niall would have to reach up to grip the back off Harry's head. He pushes away from Liam looking down at their hips as he leans back into Dylan more. Macy comes into view then her eyes glued to the three boys an amused look on her face as she comes up behind Liam her arms snaking around his neck as she talks into his ear. Liam turns to say something back to her then she is bouncing off and vanishing into the crowd. He goes to ask Liam what Macy had wanted but then Dylan is running his hands over his stomach lifting his jumper and top up a little to expose the bottom of his stomach. Niall gasps when his fingers brush across the bare skin his head falling back so he can look up at him. 

Dylan is really handsome. Like really, really handsome but he is not Harry. Everything comes back to Harry in Niall's head and he cant settle for anything other then what he really wants. He can pretend all he likes but dancing with Dylan and Liam is nothing like dancing with Harry would be. Harry was probably a really good dancer. He would move so perfectly with Niall and he would kiss and bite at his neck and make Niall feel like he was flying. He would know how to take Niall apart piece by piece until there was nothing left to give him. 

Niall snaps out of his thoughts when Liam tugs him forward saying something to Dylan.

"I think we should leave." Niall nods at Liam's words letting himself be pulled away from Dylan. They say goodbye to Macy and a few other people Niall does not know before walking out the front door.

Niall's ears a ringing now that he is outside where it a lot quieter.

"How drunk are you?" Niall thinks about it for a while, he actually feels fine. 

"I don't think I am. I think I just got caught up in the moment." Liam links arms with him as they start the walk back to their houses.

"Yeah no shit. Kinda feel like we spent the last half an hour dry humping." Niall laughed loudly leaning over to give Liam a kiss on the cheek.

"You bloody wish. Thank you though for dancing with me. It was fun." Liam smiles fondly at him pulling his mobile out of his pocket.

"Oh shit." He shoves him phone away his eyebrows furrowed together. "Its bloody half two in the morning. I told dad we would be home by midnight he is going to be so pissed." Niall can only focus on the 'we' part of that sentence.

"I'm going back to my house Li." Liam's head snaps round to look at him.

"What? no your not. Its Friday and we always spend the night at mine on Friday. You didn't stay last week for whatever reason so you have to this week. You're leaving soon Niall so stop taking my time away." Other then coming right out and saying he is avoiding Harry because he wants to kiss his face off Niall does not really have an excuse to not go to Liam's. He cant say his dad is expecting him because he dad never would on a Friday. He cant say he is feeling unwell after the party because Niall has stayed at Liam's even when he has been throwing his guts up before. He has never let anything stop him from going to Liam's for Friday night sleepover until now. 

"Anyway what was wrong with you before? You looked like you had seen a ghost when you came in?" Niall thinks back to his encounter with Zayn outside. It felt like it had happened so long ago and he had almost forgot about it altogether.

"I caught Zayn selling drugs, you can guess how that played out." Liam stops walking forcing Niall to do the same.

"Did he hurt you?" Niall waved his hand about tugging at Liam to get him walking again.

"Not really. Same old shit really." Not really. Zayn was getting worse as time went on. Niall really could not wait to get his butt on that plane and leave all this shit behind for a while. 

"You would tell me right? If things got to much with him. Don't let him hurt you Niall." Niall pats Liam on the hand giving him a reassuring smile. 

"Of course love." His nerves skyrocket when he can see Liam's house in the distance. It feels like such a big thing to be possibly seeing Harry again after two weeks. The last time he had seen him Harry had ended up pinning him to the wall and the memory is one that still turns him on beyond belief. 

Would Harry want to talk about it? Is he hoping that Niall has gotten over his feelings in the time apart? Oh god, had Harry gotten over it all and Niall was going to be left pining after him all on his own? 

He keep his eyes to the ground as Liam opens the door quietly not wanting to wake Harry if he is already asleep. They both kick their shoes of relived to find the downstairs in darkness and head to the kitchen to grab a drink of water before going up to bed. Liam turns the kitchen light on to find Harry sat at the table with a glass and a bottle of whisky in front of him his arms crossed over his chest. 

Liam jumps grabbing at Niall.

"Where the hell have you been?" Niall had seen Harry angry lots of times before. 

Once when Liam and Niall where fourteen they where caught stealing from the local corner shop. Then there was the time they where throwing a stone back and forward to each other out of boredom and it ended up denting Harry's car. Or the time Liam got annoyed at Niall and threw the TV remote at his head but missed and smashed a vase that Harry's mum had just gotten him for his birthday. 

There where too many to list really, but Niall has seen Harry angry at the both of them an awful lot. This was different though. They had never left Harry sat at home worrying like this before. 

"I'm sorry dad, we lost track of time is all." 

"Is all?" Harry stands up the chair scraping across the floor is so loud it makes Niall flinch. "That's not all Liam. I have been worried sick that something had happened to you, I couldn't get through to your mobile and if it was not for Louis talking me down I would have turned up at that party and dragged your arse home!" Niall shuffles from foot to foot not really sure is he was part of this telling off or not. 

"I really am sorry. I promise to be more considerate next time dad. It won't happen again, and we are safe. There was no trouble at all right Niall?" Niall stops moving his eyes going wide when both of them turned to him. He avoided Harry's eyes looking past him at the wall instead.

"Yep, no trouble. Sorry." Harry sighs pushing the palm of his hand into his eyes.

"Just go to bed Liam, your grounded this weekend." 

"What dad no. I have a date with Macy tomorrow that's not fair!" Harry stepped forward his finger pointed towards Liam.

"What isn't fair is you making me sit here waiting for you to come home so I know you are not dead. Maybe Macy should have helped you with your time keeping. Now get to bed I don't want to hear another sound from you tonight." Niall watches Liam storm out of the room looking as pissed of as Harry did. 

Niall rocked on the backs of his feet letting out a nervous chuckle as Harry's attention turns fully to him.

"Looks like the party was here too." He says pointing to the bottle of whisky. Harry huffs snatching it up to put it back in the cupboard.

"It's not funny Niall. I was practically having a heart attack. The under age drinking I can turn a blind eye too but scaring the shit out of me like that is not acceptable." Okay then, Niall was part of the telling off too obviously. 

"I'm sorry. My dad didn't give me a curfew so I didn't think to check the time." Harry picks up his empty glass placing it in the sink 

"Did you dad expect you to be sleeping here tonight?"

"I guess so." Harry nodded leaning his back against the counter his hands gripping the edge 

"Well in that case you had a curfew and it was two and a half hours ago." Harry looks up and for the first time since he walked in Niall had eye contact with him. 

"I'm sorry." He looked down at his fingers feeling really bad for worrying Harry.  
He can understand how scary it must have been. Him and Liam had not really been to a party before and Harry was used to them being at the house all the time so it must have been a shock to have them home so much later then they should have been. 

"Do you want me to leave? Since Liam is grounded and all." Harry pushes himself of the counter tugging at his bottom lip as he steps closer to Niall 

"No. I don't want you walking alone this late and I have been drinking so can't drive you. Plus you know you don't really ever have to leave here Niall even if Liam is grounded. Just no Xbox or Netflix's okay." Niall nods taking a small step back.

"Thank you. I should go get ready for bed." Harry doesn't say anything as Niall slips out the room and runs up the stairs.

Liam is sprawled out face down on the bed asleep when Niall gets inside his room.

He tugs the blanket out from under him, rearranging his body so he can fit in the bed before tucking him in. 

Once he is sure Liam is comfortable he grabs a pair of pyjama bottoms from his draw and strips down so he can put them on. He probably smells but like Liam he is far to sleepy now to have a shower. 

He goes across to the bathroom taking a spare toothbrush from under the sink so he can brush his teeth.

He is spitting the last of the toothpaste out when Harry comes in pushing the door closed behind him.   
He glances at Niall for a second before grabbing his own toothbrush.

"You drunk?" He asked before starting to brush. Niall shakes his head playing with the string off his trousers feeling a little self conscious being topless in front of Harry. 

"Are you both telling the truth that nothing happened tonight to make you late?"

"Yeah I promise." Harry put his toothbrush back into the holder his eyes meeting Niall's in the mirror. 

"I remember my first party. I got home before curfew but I threw up over my mum's slippers and Louis passed out halfway up the stairs." Niall tries to picture a younger Harry and Louis stumbling around drunk. 

"Mum was so angry and I was not allowed so see Louis for a week. Felt like torture at the time because we where a bit like you and Liam. But worth it because I got my first blow job that night." Niall laughs loudly slapping his hand over his mouth the sound seemed far to loud.

"Oh god Harry. Well nothing like that happened tonight, Jesus." Harry wiggles his eyebrows pulling a hairband off his wrist so he can pull his hair back into a bun.

"How have you been? It's been strange not having you around the house." Niall walks away from the sink over to the other side of the bathroom so Harry can wash his face.

"Not been to bad. Sorted a few things out with dad, put some extra time into revising. Boring teenage stuff really." He passes Harry his towel his hand snapping back when their fingers touched. 

"That's good about your dad. Has school been okay? Liam told me you got into a fight. Did you want to talk about that? I'm guessing it's where that cut on your lip came from." Niall touches his lip. For some reason the thought of Harry looking at his lips was making his face flush.

"It was nothing serious, but other then that incident schools been fine." Harry hangs his towel back up his teeth scraping over his lip as he turns back to Niall clearing his throat.

"And being away. Did that help at all?" Niall takes a deep breath steadying himself for the conversation that he has been dreading and was apparently about to have at nearly three in the morning. 

Niall plays with his fingers as he tries to work out his answer. What if he tells Harry the truth, that he still likes him but Harry does not feel the same anymore. Or what if Harry does still feel the same and tells Niall he needs to spend more time away from him. And now that he was back he didn't want to leave. This house felt more like home then his house did. And Harry's makes him feel calm and relaxed even when he is scolding him.

"I don't think so." Harry raises his eyebrows stepping closer to Niall.

"That's not as clear of an answer as I was hoping for, just tell me what's going on in your head. Nothing you say is going to be wrong or make me angry." Niall folds his arms over his chest, like hiding himself a little would make him a bit more confident to have this talk.

"Well I guess no, it didn't help. I still feel the same way. I missed you and I thought about you pretty much non stop. About kissing you and being with you." He can't tell what Harry is thinking and it's the most frustrating thing in the world.

He feels so exposed under his stare like Harry is picking him apart and seeing right inside his mind. Seeing all the things Niall has daydreamed about, has wanked to in the middle of the night. 

"It's the same for me." Harry steps forward uncrossing Niall's arms his eyes roaming over his milky white chest. Niall blushes wanting to shy away and hide but Harry is holding his arms down to his side making it impossible to move.

"I thought to myself that I can just move on and that it had to be a phase. But you are everywhere and in everything I do. Something funny happens and I want to tell you or i see a film or a book I like and I think, hey Niall would love this too." Harry drops Niall's hands but instead of covering himself like he wanted to do before they stay limp at his side, useless.

"I wake up and my first thought is about you and how I hope you are okay and that you slept well. I go to bed and night and." He stops suddenly moving in closer his hands gently taking Niall's face and titling his head up towards him.

"I get so hard over you Niall. Thinking about touching you, tasting you and just feeling you." Niall closes his eyes his breath coming out in short pants that hit Harry's lips making then twitch.

"You are so beautiful. You understand why I can't kiss you don't you? You know that once I have tasted you I won't be able to stop " Niall grips at Harry's shirt whimpering as he grows hard, tenting the front of his trousers. He can feels Harry's eyes burning into him taking him in.

"I wouldn't want you to. I can keep it a secret Harry. Liam won't find out. It can just be between us. Nothing serious, just us given in every now and then. I can't carry on like normal if I have to keep pretending this is not happening. I can't stay away for good but I also can't be here if I can't kiss you." Harry rest his head on Niall's their noses touching and it takes everything in Niall to not just lean up that last tiny bit and kiss him.

"I told myself that if you come back and say it was all a mistake, that you never really liked me then I would forget about it too. But if you came back and said you still feel the same, still want me then I would have to just give in" 

"Kiss me then. Just kiss me and screw all the things wrong with it." Harry is kissing him then and it's not perfect really. Their teeth clash as the both lean in too much desperate to be as close to each other as possible and it hurts Niall's lip. It's also kind of perfect anyway because it's Harry's lip and they feel so good moving with his. He taste like toothpaste and something that is so Harry it makes his eyes roll and his toes curl. He moans into the kiss his lips parting as Harry's hard cock ribs against his own. Harry licks over his bottom lip before pushing his tongue into his mouth.

He is being lifted as their tongues tangle and taste and explore then he is being placed down next to the sink his back slamming into the mirror, toothbrushes and bottles being knocked to the floor with a clatter. 

Harry rolls his hips hard into Niall's pre come already leaking from the tip of Niall's cock leaving a small wet patch on his trousers.   
They are not really kissing anymore just panting and groaning into each others mouth as the grind against each other. Niall's body arches as he meets each of Harry's movements with his own his back sliding up and down the glass with the force of Harry's thrusts and the room filling with quite grunts of pleasure. 

"God Niall. So beautiful." Niall moans his head falling backwards hitting the mirror with a soft thud. Harry bows down attaching his lips to Niall's neck gently kissing and licking over the skin careful not to leave any marks as he makes his way down to Niall's chest. 

They grown more frantic hips moving fast and fingers digging into skin harder. Niall can feel the tightening in his stomach and a feeling that is almost too good that starts at his feet and spreads all the way up until it fly's out of Niall's mouth in a string of curses and moans

It baffles him really that after two weeks of ignoring him but desperately wanting him they are now doing this. And it's Harry. Harry. Never did he think he would he doing this. But he was and it was so, so good and it felt right and he didn't want it to ever stop. Unfortunately he body didn't get the memo because the tightening in his stomach was getting stronger and his legs where curling around Harry's waist drawing him in closer, harder. 

"I'm gonna...fuck." Harry moves his lips back to Niall's again his hands moving to his back holding him steady as he moans into Harry's mouth his body giving a harsh jolt as he starts to come. Harry follows instantly nails scratching up Niall's back his hips giving two last hard thrusts before he stills with a drawn out moan. Niall can feel him coming as it soaks trough his trousers into his own and it makes Niall feel lightheaded knowing their come is mixing together, that they just made each other come. 

Harry pulls away panting as he looks down at the mess. He looks back up again and Niall is sure he could come again by just looking at his face. Swollen red lips, wide green eyes looking completely fucked and rosy cheeked. 

"Well shit." Niall laughs burying his head into Harry's shoulder.

"I cant believe we just done that. I was only going to kiss you." Niall pulls back running his hand over Harry's cheek feeling the warmth there.

"You don't regret it though? We are still doing this yeah?" 

"Yeah. Yeah of course, we have to be careful and really sensible about this Ni. I don't want to stop, want to be able to kiss you whenever I can." They pull apart after that both grimacing at the wetness. 

"I will leave you to clean up and get some sleep." He kisses Niall again, just a few small pecks before he mumbles a good night and leaves Niall alone in the kitchen. 

Niall slumps back against the mirror his smile so big he is sure it could split his face. Tonight had been a roller coaster since the moment Liam woke him up from his nap but it certainly ended in the best way possible.

He had Harry. He actually had Harry in the way he really wanted to. He peels off his clothes deciding that having a shower might be a good idea now. The smile never leaves his face as he gets washed and dressed into clean clothes climbing into bed next to a snoring Liam. 

He fell asleep with the taste and sensation of Harry still on his lips and flashes in his mind of what Harry looks like as he comes. 

God he can't wait to kiss him again. 

Its the happiest Niall had fallen asleep for a really long time. 

 

 

Niall is not really surprised when he wakes up from his nap to find Liam pressed to his back his arms and legs wrapped tightly around him.

It had been a week since his fight with Zayn and between avoiding talking about it and sitting in detention everyday Niall had not seen much of Liam. He had also been ignoring most of his texts messages. 

"Get up stinky we are going to a party." That does surprise him. Niall groans rolling over, which is hard considering Liam didn't feel the need to detach himself from Niall at all. Once Niall has managed to fully turn his nose hitting Liam's he opens his eyes.

"What, what time is it? Actually what day?" Liam laughs brushing their noses together in a Eskimo kiss.

"It's still Friday. It's nearly seven PM. Macy is throwing a party and as her boyfriend I have to go. As the boyfriends best friend I decided you also have to go." Niall really can't imagine doing anything tonight other then rolling back over and going to sleep again. He knows Liam well enough to know he was not getting a choice in the matter. 

Liam wiggles off the bed purposefully taking the duvet with him leaving Niall laying in just a thin top and boxers. 

"I hate you." Liam throws the duvet to the end of the bed grinning down at Niall.  
"You love me. Now go shower." Niall groaned again throwing himself around dramatically as he stumbles to the bathroom. 

He pulls a face at his reflection. His hair a mess on his head and pillow creases over the right side of his face. He looks like shit. 

He brushes his teeth whilst waiting for the shower to heat up still wondering how he was going to get himself anywhere close to be in the mood to go to a party. 

Him and Liam don't do parties. They do Netflix's and junk food. Curse Liam and his attraction to a popular girl with her parties and friends.

He undressed throwing the small amount of clothing into the laundry basket that was starting to overflow.

His dad had been home a little more since Niall had decided to throw a glass bottle at his head. It was obvious that he didn't want to be though. Conversation was awkward and usually they ended up falling into an uncomfortable silence whilst eating dinner together. His dad would always be checking the time making it clear he was itching to get to a suitable time for him to excuse himself and leave.

Niall climbed into the shower making a mental note to load the washing machine soon so they both don't end up running out of clean stuff to wear. He really didn't need to start going to school smelling like a homeless person. 

He cant help but think about Harry then. Harry was seventeen when he meet Liam's mum and took on a baby. If Harry can become a dad at seventeen then surely Niall can start looking after his household a little more. Make some proper shopping lists for some good healthy meals. Do the washing and the cleaning so they don't end up living in a dump. Just until he has gotten on his plane to New York, then he can just be a teenager for a year.

Its been strange not seeing Harry for two weeks. He still thinks about him most the time, still misses him and still has the same desire for him making his stomach churn and his heart pound. He is not really sure if its been easier though? Sure it's better when he doesn't find himself in a situation where him and Harry could kiss and get so close to doing it. But its still there, he still wants to kiss him and it still drives him crazy. The proof of that is in the amount of times he has laid in bed with his hand wrapped around himself moaning Harry's name into his pillow so his dad don't hear him. It's there now, making him harden as he washes the shampoo out of his hair. The tugging and twisting off his stomach and the rate that his heat his beating. Sometimes Niall cant help but to fall into one of these dazes where his mind his just filled with all things Harry. 

Harry, Harry, Harry.

He thinks he would happily let his whole world just be about Harry. 

He can't though. Not when Liam is sitting in his bedroom waiting for him.

He turns the shower round to cold spinning to face the stream of water gasping at the temperature change. It does the job though and Niall can step out of the shower and wrap a towel around his waist and go back to his bedroom without an obvious boner. 

Liam is sat crossed legged on the bed when he walks back in, clothes for Niall already picked out and laying neatly beside him. 

"It feels so different here now, without your mum." Niall walks over to his dressing table dropping his towel on the way. He pulls on his boxers then a pair of socks before going back over to his bed. Liam has picked out his skinny black jeans, a simple plain white top and his baggy grey jumper. 

"How have things been with you and your dad now?" Niall yanks his jeans on, hopping a little to get them over his butt. 

"Better but not the same as before. Not that I expect anything to be the same as before." Niall's life was separated into two half's now. Before his mum died and after his mum died. He was still finding it hard to except that life would never go back to how it was before. 

He had a lot of time to think about what it would be like when his mum finally died. He had imagined Greg and his dad being like a rock to him, he thought they would all step up. All take over a piece of his mum so that together they could make it feel like she was still here. He never thought about an empty house. Fights with his dad. Greg leaving completely. 

"You haven't been coming to mine for a while. Your not going to let it get to much for you right? If you need to be somewhere other then here you will come over?" Niall feels like between Liam and Harry he has had this conversation too many times. It makes him want to snap but Liam is looking up at him all worried, and he doesn't know about the thing between him and Harry. Niall cups Liam's face in his hands leaning down to kiss his forehead.

"I know Liam. You don't have to worry about me so much. I'm dealing with things." Liam looks like he wants to say more but he drops it watching Niall pull the rest of his clothes on. 

"I feel lazy can you do my hair for me please?" Liam rolls his eyes but gets up of the bed anyway going to get Niall's hair stuff.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You know, i'm not sure if they have the music loud enough." Liam shoves Niall in the side shooting him a look. The house is not even in sight yet and Niall can feel the bass of the music under his feet.

"How to people not complain? Like that would drive me nuts." 

"For gods shake Niall, will you loosen up. Macy lets the neighbours know okay and she has an agreement of when the party needs to start dying down. You old man."

"Hey! I have always been old beyond my years and I don't care." Niall screws his face up when Macy's house comes into view. There where a handful of people outside smoking and talking and Niall could see trough the windows that inside was pretty packed.

"Hello hell." Liam rolls his eyes pushing Niall forward.

"Stop it." Once they are inside Niall can no longer hear Liam or even begin to want to try talking to him so he settles for holding his hand and being led into the mass of people. They find Macy stood with a group of her friends a red cup in her hand. Her face lights up when she see's Liam and that kinda warms Niall's heart a little. Its how he thinks everyone should look when they get to spend time with his best friend. Macy says something to Niall her mouth moving quickly and her eyes wide clearly excited about something. Niall points to his ears letting her know he cant hear a word that she is saying. She laughs then points in the direction that Niall is guessing the kitchen, then Liam is grabbing his hand again and pulling him. 

The kitchen is just as loud and rather dark. Niall scans the area seeing a few people he has classes with and quite a lot of older people he has never seen before in his life. Liam shoves a cup in his hand filled with god knows what. There is an awful lot of alcohol on the counter but he trusts Liam to not make him anything too strong so he happily sips his eyes still moving around the room. 

A boy comes over to speak to Liam, their faces close so they can be heard. Someone from Liam's science class he thinks, but he is not sure. 

Parties are weird and he cant understand why people like them so much. The music is so loud that he can't even hear himself think let alone what anyone else would want to say to him. And its not even good music, its just noise. Then you have all the alcohol and the worry of someone slipping something into your drink. Its dark, It loud, Its kinda smelly and Niall is bored already. But Liam is smiling and laughing and also refilling Niall's drink so he wont complain out loud. Not that Liam would even hear him. 

After he has finished his second drink he leans forward until his mouth his pressed to Liam's ear.

"I'm going to go outside for fresh air." He said it purposefully loud cackling when Liam swats at him then nods to let Niall know he heard him. 

Niall moves past the bodies of people until he finds the backdoor sighing with relief when he gets outside to fresh air. The music is still loud out here but its not so mind crushing. 

The back yard is just like the front with people smoking and talking. Its more chilled out and definitely more Niall's scene. Hopefully Liam would come out soon and he can convince him to stay out here with him. 

He moves to the side of the house smiling at the people he did not know and saying a quick hello to the ones he did. When he rounds the end of the house he stumbles across what he for sure knows is Zayn Malik dealing drugs. 

He goes to steps back and disappear but Zayn's eyes snap up and he freezes. 

He knows he should probably leave. Go back inside to find Liam and get lost in the crowd so that Zayn will forget about him. Instead he stays frozen to the spot as Zayn pockets his money and the bloke he is with quickly leaves giving Niall a funny look as he passes. Zayn moves over to him slowly that stupid smirk on his face that seems to permanently be there. 

He manages to look more intimidating out of his school uniform, with his annoying cool leather jacket and jeans with more holes then anything in them. Who even wears jeans with so little material. 

"You get lost Loser?" Niall swallow's around a lump in his throat trying his best to not look as nervous as he feels. 

"I'm not going to say anything." Zayn chuckles, the sound sending a cold shiver over Niall. 

"Oh I know. Because if you did then this.." He grabs Niall chin harshly his thumb digging into the cut on Niall's lip. "This wont be the only thing I put on that stupid face of yours." Niall wraps his hand around Zayn's wrist trying to get him to loosen his grip, the cut on his lip burning as he dug into it. He slams Niall backwards his head hitting the brick wall with a thud. Niall grunts his hands leaving Zayn's wrist to cradle his head. 

"You so much as mention my name to anyone tonight I will find out. These pretty little lips stay closed." Niall looks down his eyes wide as Zayn traces his lips with his fingers. Zayn laughs pressing Niall against the wall more, stepping closer until his body is almost pressed to Niall's.

"Such a little gay boy. You going to get hard gay boy." Niall pushes Zayn away slapping his hands off his face his body shaking with either anger or fear, Maybe both.

"Fuck you! What is even your problem with me Zayn? Why the hell do you fucking hate me so much? Is it just because I am gay? Because you don't have to worry about that, I would rather eat my own fucking eyeballs then fuck you." Zayn surges forward his hand wrapping around Niall's throat pushing him back until his knees buckle and he falls to the floor Zayn straddling his waist his hand still gripping his throat. 

Niall starts to panic, is sure that Zayn is more then capable of choking him to death right now without a flicker of remorse. He desperately tries to gasp for breath clawing at Zayn's hand with his fingernails. Zayn leans down a sick smile on his face.

"I don't like you because you're a whiny little bitch who needs to be put in his place. You don't need to be gay but it sure as hell makes hating you that little bit easier. I hate you because just the sight of you makes me want to rip your fucking throat out." He lets go off Niall smiling down at him as he gasps, taking in as much air as he can. 

"Maybe I will rip them eyes out for you. Make you eat them." Niall glares up at him lifting himself up on his arms, regretting it instantly when it brings him closer to Zayn. 

"You're messed up you know that? Been taking to much of what your been selling? You are a bloody psycho." Zayn reaches into his jacket pocket pulling out a small clear bag with a couple of pills inside.

"You mean these right. Maybe you should take some. Loosen up a little." He tips them out into his hand and for a second Niall actually thinks he is going to force them into his mouth but instead he tips his head back and takes them himself.

He keeps his head back for a moment before slowly looking down at Niall again. 

"You stay safe tonight little Niall. Your never know who might want to take advantage of such a pretty little twink." And then he leaves his laugh echoing in Niall's ears as he stares up at the sky trying to get his head around what the hell just happened. 

He really hates parties.

xxxxxx

He finds Liam dancing in the living room with Macy. He is halfway to him when his arm is grabbed and he is pulled back. He looks over his shoulder almost expecting Zayn to be there with another warning but instead is faced with Dylan, the one the always stares at him at school.

He is talking to Niall and he wonders how people don't seem to understand that they cant be heard in this house right now. Dylan must clock on that Niall cannot hear him because he is suddenly stepping closer his face pressing into the side of Niall's.

"Do you want to dance?" Niall doesn't. He really, really does not want to do anything other then get Liam and go home and be as far away from Zayn as he can. 

But its easier to let himself be led into the crowd by Dylan who stops close enough to Liam that he gets his attention. Liam frowns as soon as he see's Niall like he knows just by looking at him that something has happened. Niall just shakes his head slightly huffing when Dylans hands grab at his waist to get him to move. He wants to be rude and push him away but Dylan is really sweet. Even if he seems a little creepy most the time. Niall would end up feeling rotten if he hurts his feelings so instead he forces himself to relax and forget about Zayn. He wouldn't do anything to Niall here anyway, not when there is so many people. And Niall had no plans to tell anyone about what he saw. Except for Liam maybe.

It's not so bad really, once he clears his head and just moves to the music. He finds that he does not mind the feeling of Dylan pressed up behind him or his arms around his waist or his breath skimming over his neck. Liam has a cup in his hand and when he moves close enough Niall reaches out and snatches it sending Liam a wink before he downs it. He splutters wiping at his mouth because whatever Liam had been drinking was strong. He can see Liam laughing so he throws the cup back towards him enjoying the warm buzz that was spreading trough him. 

He moves his hand upwards to tangle in Dylan's hair his head falling back onto his shoulder. 

This was nice. Just the music and the feel off somebody. No fighting, no arguing, no other shit. Just dancing. The song chances to a quicker one as Niall's hands fling out to grab at Liam pulling him towards him until they are chest to chest.

"Hi!" He says it loudly but it sure Liam still didn't hear it. Liam doesn't miss a beat, his hands tangling together behind Niall's head and his hips moving in time with Niall's. 

Niall has to laugh. A loud one that fills Liam ears. 

His life has been so strange and tonight is no different.

One moment he is being pushed to the ground by his bully who he was sure was going to kill him and then the next moment he is dancing between his best friend and the boy who has always had a crush on him. 

He locks eyes with Liam and he can see the concern in them so he smiles, wants to make Liam think he is absolutely fine. He pulls Liam closer nuzzling his face into his neck.

He smells a little like Harry is the thing. Not Apple, because Harry always smells like Apple. But their house. Its a smell that always seems to be on Harry wherever he goes. 

There is that smell and there is the feeling of Dylan pressed so hard against him and Liam in front all three moving their hips in time to the music and its so much.

"Ni, are you drunk?" Niall shakes his head because no, he cant be. He had them two drinks before he went outside. They where not that strong. And he had the one he just stole off Liam and that was strong but that was not enough to make him drunk he didn't think. 

He looks up at Liam again who still looks so concerned. He doesn't want Liam to always be worried about him. 

He closes his eyes so he cant see it anymore.

He is not sure how long they dance for but at some point another drinks gets pushed to his lips and he drinks without even thinking about it. He is sure it was Liam anyway. 

Liam stays with him the whole time. Even though he has a girlfriend he could be dancing with and making out with. He stays with Niall who is gripping at him and grinding on him and looking at him like he has forgotten who he is. 

He just smell so much like Harry. Niall misses Harry. He pulls Liam in closer by the back on his head until his face blurs. Then he can let himself believe that its not Liam hips pressed against his and not Dylan's arms wrapped around his waist. Its still not right though, because Niall would have to reach up to grip the back off Harry's head. He pushes away from Liam looking down at their hips as he leans back into Dylan more. Macy comes into view then her eyes glued to the three boys an amused look on her face as she comes up behind Liam her arms snaking around his neck as she talks into his ear. Liam turns to say something back to her then she is bouncing off and vanishing into the crowd. He goes to ask Liam what Macy had wanted but then Dylan is running his hands over his stomach lifting his jumper and top up a little to expose the bottom of his stomach. Niall gasps when his fingers brush across the bare skin his head falling back so he can look up at him. 

Dylan is really handsome. Like really, really handsome but he is not Harry. Everything comes back to Harry in Niall's head and he cant settle for anything other then what he really wants. He can pretend all he likes but dancing with Dylan and Liam is nothing like dancing with Harry would be. Harry was probably a really good dancer. He would move so perfectly with Niall and he would kiss and bite at his neck and make Niall feel like he was flying. He would know how to take Niall apart piece by piece until there was nothing left to give him. 

Niall snaps out of his thoughts when Liam tugs him forward saying something to Dylan.

"I think we should leave." Niall nods at Liam's words letting himself be pulled away from Dylan. They say goodbye to Macy and a few other people Niall does not know before walking out the front door.

Niall's ears a ringing now that he is outside where it a lot quieter.

"How drunk are you?" Niall thinks about it for a while, he actually feels fine. 

"I don't think I am. I think I just got caught up in the moment." Liam links arms with him as they start the walk back to their houses.

"Yeah no shit. Kinda feel like we spent the last half an hour dry humping." Niall laughed loudly leaning over to give Liam a kiss on the cheek.

"You bloody wish. Thank you though for dancing with me. It was fun." Liam smiles fondly at him pulling his mobile out of his pocket.

"Oh shit." He shoves him phone away his eyebrows furrowed together. "Its bloody half two in the morning. I told dad we would be home by midnight he is going to be so pissed." Niall can only focus on the 'we' part of that sentence.

"I'm going back to my house Li." Liam's head snaps round to look at him.

"What? no your not. Its Friday and we always spend the night at mine on Friday. You didn't stay last week for whatever reason so you have to this week. You're leaving soon Niall so stop taking my time away." Other then coming right out and saying he is avoiding Harry because he wants to kiss his face off Niall does not really have an excuse to not go to Liam's. He cant say his dad is expecting him because he dad never would on a Friday. He cant say he is feeling unwell after the party because Niall has stayed at Liam's even when he has been throwing his guts up before. He has never let anything stop him from going to Liam's for Friday night sleepover until now. 

"Anyway what was wrong with you before? You looked like you had seen a ghost when you came in?" Niall thinks back to his encounter with Zayn outside. It felt like it had happened so long ago and he had almost forgot about it altogether.

"I caught Zayn selling drugs, you can guess how that played out." Liam stops walking forcing Niall to do the same.

"Did he hurt you?" Niall waved his hand about tugging at Liam to get him walking again.

"Not really. Same old shit really." Not really. Zayn was getting worse as time went on. Niall really could not wait to get his butt on that plane and leave all this shit behind for a while. 

"You would tell me right? If things got to much with him. Don't let him hurt you Niall." Niall pats Liam on the hand giving him a reassuring smile. 

"Of course love." His nerves skyrocket when he can see Liam's house in the distance. It feels like such a big thing to be possibly seeing Harry again after two weeks. The last time he had seen him Harry had ended up pinning him to the wall and the memory is one that still turns him on beyond belief. 

Would Harry want to talk about it? Is he hoping that Niall has gotten over his feelings in the time apart? Oh god, had Harry gotten over it all and Niall was going to be left pining after him all on his own? 

He keep his eyes to the ground as Liam opens the door quietly not wanting to wake Harry if he is already asleep. They both kick their shoes of relived to find the downstairs in darkness and head to the kitchen to grab a drink of water before going up to bed. Liam turns the kitchen light on to find Harry sat at the table with a glass and a bottle of whisky in front of him his arms crossed over his chest. 

Liam jumps grabbing at Niall.

"Where the hell have you been?" Niall had seen Harry angry lots of times before. 

Once when Liam and Niall where fourteen they where caught stealing from the local corner shop. Then there was the time they where throwing a stone back and forward to each other out of boredom and it ended up denting Harry's car. Or the time Liam got annoyed at Niall and threw the TV remote at his head but missed and smashed a vase that Harry's mum had just gotten him for his birthday. 

There where too many to list really, but Niall has seen Harry angry at the both of them an awful lot. This was different though. They had never left Harry sat at home worrying like this before. 

"I'm sorry dad, we lost track of time is all." 

"Is all?" Harry stands up the chair scraping across the floor is so loud it makes Niall flinch. "That's not all Liam. I have been worried sick that something had happened to you, I couldn't get through to your mobile and if it was not for Louis talking me down I would have turned up at that party and dragged your arse home!" Niall shuffles from foot to foot not really sure is he was part of this telling off or not. 

"I really am sorry. I promise to be more considerate next time dad. It won't happen again, and we are safe. There was no trouble at all right Niall?" Niall stops moving his eyes going wide when both of them turned to him. He avoided Harry's eyes looking past him at the wall instead.

"Yep, no trouble. Sorry." Harry sighs pushing the palm of his hand into his eyes.

"Just go to bed Liam, your grounded this weekend." 

"What dad no. I have a date with Macy tomorrow that's not fair!" Harry stepped forward his finger pointed towards Liam.

"What isn't fair is you making me sit here waiting for you to come home so I know you are not dead. Maybe Macy should have helped you with your time keeping. Now get to bed I don't want to hear another sound from you tonight." Niall watches Liam storm out of the room looking as pissed of as Harry did. 

Niall rocked on the backs of his feet letting out a nervous chuckle as Harry's attention turns fully to him.

"Looks like the party was here too." He says pointing to the bottle of whisky. Harry huffs snatching it up to put it back in the cupboard.

"It's not funny Niall. I was practically having a heart attack. The under age drinking I can turn a blind eye too but scaring the shit out of me like that is not acceptable." Okay then, Niall was part of the telling off too obviously. 

"I'm sorry. My dad didn't give me a curfew so I didn't think to check the time." Harry picks up his empty glass placing it in the sink 

"Did you dad expect you to be sleeping here tonight?"

"I guess so." Harry nodded leaning his back against the counter his hands gripping the edge 

"Well in that case you had a curfew and it was two and a half hours ago." Harry looks up and for the first time since he walked in Niall had eye contact with him. 

"I'm sorry." He looked down at his fingers feeling really bad for worrying Harry.  
He can understand how scary it must have been. Him and Liam had not really been to a party before and Harry was used to them being at the house all the time so it must have been a shock to have them home so much later then they should have been. 

"Do you want me to leave? Since Liam is grounded and all." Harry pushes himself of the counter tugging at his bottom lip as he steps closer to Niall 

"No. I don't want you walking alone this late and I have been drinking so can't drive you. Plus you know you don't really ever have to leave here Niall even if Liam is grounded. Just no Xbox or Netflix's okay." Niall nods taking a small step back.

"Thank you. I should go get ready for bed." Harry doesn't say anything as Niall slips out the room and runs up the stairs.

Liam is sprawled out face down on the bed asleep when Niall gets inside his room.

He tugs the blanket out from under him, rearranging his body so he can fit in the bed before tucking him in. 

Once he is sure Liam is comfortable he grabs a pair of pyjama bottoms from his draw and strips down so he can put them on. He probably smells but like Liam he is far to sleepy now to have a shower. 

He goes across to the bathroom taking a spare toothbrush from under the sink so he can brush his teeth.

He is spitting the last of the toothpaste out when Harry comes in pushing the door closed behind him.   
He glances at Niall for a second before grabbing his own toothbrush.

"You drunk?" He asked before starting to brush. Niall shakes his head playing with the string off his trousers feeling a little self conscious being topless in front of Harry. 

"Are you both telling the truth that nothing happened tonight to make you late?"

"Yeah I promise." Harry put his toothbrush back into the holder his eyes meeting Niall's in the mirror. 

"I remember my first party. I got home before curfew but I threw up over my mum's slippers and Louis passed out halfway up the stairs." Niall tries to picture a younger Harry and Louis stumbling around drunk. 

"Mum was so angry and I was not allowed so see Louis for a week. Felt like torture at the time because we where a bit like you and Liam. But worth it because I got my first blow job that night." Niall laughs loudly slapping his hand over his mouth the sound seemed far to loud.

"Oh god Harry. Well nothing like that happened tonight, Jesus." Harry wiggles his eyebrows pulling a hairband off his wrist so he can pull his hair back into a bun.

"How have you been? It's been strange not having you around the house." Niall walks away from the sink over to the other side of the bathroom so Harry can wash his face.

"Not been to bad. Sorted a few things out with dad, put some extra time into revising. Boring teenage stuff really." He passes Harry his towel his hand snapping back when their fingers touched. 

"That's good about your dad. Has school been okay? Liam told me you got into a fight. Did you want to talk about that? I'm guessing it's where that cut on your lip came from." Niall touches his lip. For some reason the thought of Harry looking at his lips was making his face flush.

"It was nothing serious, but other then that incident schools been fine." Harry hangs his towel back up his teeth scraping over his lip as he turns back to Niall clearing his throat.

"And being away. Did that help at all?" Niall takes a deep breath steadying himself for the conversation that he has been dreading and was apparently about to have at nearly three in the morning. 

Niall plays with his fingers as he tries to work out his answer. What if he tells Harry the truth, that he still likes him but Harry does not feel the same anymore. Or what if Harry does still feel the same and tells Niall he needs to spend more time away from him. And now that he was back he didn't want to leave. This house felt more like home then his house did. And Harry's makes him feel calm and relaxed even when he is scolding him.

"I don't think so." Harry raises his eyebrows stepping closer to Niall.

"That's not as clear of an answer as I was hoping for, just tell me what's going on in your head. Nothing you say is going to be wrong or make me angry." Niall folds his arms over his chest, like hiding himself a little would make him a bit more confident to have this talk.

"Well I guess no, it didn't help. I still feel the same way. I missed you and I thought about you pretty much non stop. About kissing you and being with you." He can't tell what Harry is thinking and it's the most frustrating thing in the world.

He feels so exposed under his stare like Harry is picking him apart and seeing right inside his mind. Seeing all the things Niall has daydreamed about, has wanked to in the middle of the night. 

"It's the same for me." Harry steps forward uncrossing Niall's arms his eyes roaming over his milky white chest. Niall blushes wanting to shy away and hide but Harry is holding his arms down to his side making it impossible to move.

"I thought to myself that I can just move on and that it had to be a phase. But you are everywhere and in everything I do. Something funny happens and I want to tell you or i see a film or a book I like and I think, hey Niall would love this too." Harry drops Niall's hands but instead of covering himself like he wanted to do before they stay limp at his side, useless.

"I wake up and my first thought is about you and how I hope you are okay and that you slept well. I go to bed and night and." He stops suddenly moving in closer his hands gently taking Niall's face and titling his head up towards him.

"I get so hard over you Niall. Thinking about touching you, tasting you and just feeling you." Niall closes his eyes his breath coming out in short pants that hit Harry's lips making then twitch.

"You are so beautiful. You understand why I can't kiss you don't you? You know that once I have tasted you I won't be able to stop " Niall grips at Harry's shirt whimpering as he grows hard, tenting the front of his trousers. He can feels Harry's eyes burning into him taking him in.

"I wouldn't want you to. I can keep it a secret Harry. Liam won't find out. It can just be between us. Nothing serious, just us given in every now and then. I can't carry on like normal if I have to keep pretending this is not happening. I can't stay away for good but I also can't be here if I can't kiss you." Harry rest his head on Niall's their noses touching and it takes everything in Niall to not just lean up that last tiny bit and kiss him.

"I told myself that if you come back and say it was all a mistake, that you never really liked me then I would forget about it too. But if you came back and said you still feel the same, still want me then I would have to just give in" 

"Kiss me then. Just kiss me and screw all the things wrong with it." Harry is kissing him then and it's not perfect really. Their teeth clash as the both lean in too much desperate to be as close to each other as possible and it hurts Niall's lip. It's also kind of perfect anyway because it's Harry's lip and they feel so good moving with his. He taste like toothpaste and something that is so Harry it makes his eyes roll and his toes curl. He moans into the kiss his lips parting as Harry's hard cock ribs against his own. Harry licks over his bottom lip before pushing his tongue into his mouth.

He is being lifted as their tongues tangle and taste and explore then he is being placed down next to the sink his back slamming into the mirror, toothbrushes and bottles being knocked to the floor with a clatter. 

Harry rolls his hips hard into Niall's pre come already leaking from the tip of Niall's cock leaving a small wet patch on his trousers.   
They are not really kissing anymore just panting and groaning into each others mouth as the grind against each other. Niall's body arches as he meets each of Harry's movements with his own his back sliding up and down the glass with the force of Harry's thrusts and the room filling with quite grunts of pleasure. 

"God Niall. So beautiful." Niall moans his head falling backwards hitting the mirror with a soft thud. Harry bows down attaching his lips to Niall's neck gently kissing and licking over the skin careful not to leave any marks as he makes his way down to Niall's chest. 

They grown more frantic hips moving fast and fingers digging into skin harder. Niall can feel the tightening in his stomach and a feeling that is almost too good that starts at his feet and spreads all the way up until it fly's out of Niall's mouth in a string of curses and moans

It baffles him really that after two weeks of ignoring him but desperately wanting him they are now doing this. And it's Harry. Harry. Never did he think he would he doing this. But he was and it was so, so good and it felt right and he didn't want it to ever stop. Unfortunately he body didn't get the memo because the tightening in his stomach was getting stronger and his legs where curling around Harry's waist drawing him in closer, harder. 

"I'm gonna...fuck." Harry moves his lips back to Niall's again his hands moving to his back holding him steady as he moans into Harry's mouth his body giving a harsh jolt as he starts to come. Harry follows instantly nails scratching up Niall's back his hips giving two last hard thrusts before he stills with a drawn out moan. Niall can feel him coming as it soaks trough his trousers into his own and it makes Niall feel lightheaded knowing their come is mixing together, that they just made each other come. 

Harry pulls away panting as he looks down at the mess. He looks back up again and Niall is sure he could come again by just looking at his face. Swollen red lips, wide green eyes looking completely fucked and rosy cheeked. 

"Well shit." Niall laughs burying his head into Harry's shoulder.

"I cant believe we just done that. I was only going to kiss you." Niall pulls back running his hand over Harry's cheek feeling the warmth there.

"You don't regret it though? We are still doing this yeah?" 

"Yeah. Yeah of course, we have to be careful and really sensible about this Ni. I don't want to stop, want to be able to kiss you whenever I can." They pull apart after that both grimacing at the wetness. 

"I will leave you to clean up and get some sleep." He kisses Niall again, just a few small pecks before he mumbles a good night and leaves Niall alone in the kitchen. 

Niall slumps back against the mirror his smile so big he is sure it could split his face. Tonight had been a roller coaster since the moment Liam woke him up from his nap but it certainly ended in the best way possible.

He had Harry. He actually had Harry in the way he really wanted to. He peels off his clothes deciding that having a shower might be a good idea now. The smile never leaves his face as he gets washed and dressed into clean clothes climbing into bed next to a snoring Liam. 

He fell asleep with the taste and sensation of Harry still on his lips and flashes in his mind of what Harry looks like as he comes. 

God he can't wait to kiss him again. 

Its the happiest Niall had fallen asleep for a really long time. 

 

 

Niall is not really surprised when he wakes up from his nap to find Liam pressed to his back his arms and legs wrapped tightly around him.

It had been a week since his fight with Zayn and between avoiding talking about it and sitting in detention everyday Niall had not seen much of Liam. He had also been ignoring most of his texts messages. 

"Get up stinky we are going to a party." That does surprise him. Niall groans rolling over, which is hard considering Liam didn't feel the need to detach himself from Niall at all. Once Niall has managed to fully turn his nose hitting Liam's he opens his eyes.

"What, what time is it? Actually what day?" Liam laughs brushing their noses together in a Eskimo kiss.

"It's still Friday. It's nearly seven PM. Macy is throwing a party and as her boyfriend I have to go. As the boyfriends best friend I decided you also have to go." Niall really can't imagine doing anything tonight other then rolling back over and going to sleep again. He knows Liam well enough to know he was not getting a choice in the matter. 

Liam wiggles off the bed purposefully taking the duvet with him leaving Niall laying in just a thin top and boxers. 

"I hate you." Liam throws the duvet to the end of the bed grinning down at Niall.  
"You love me. Now go shower." Niall groaned again throwing himself around dramatically as he stumbles to the bathroom. 

He pulls a face at his reflection. His hair a mess on his head and pillow creases over the right side of his face. He looks like shit. 

He brushes his teeth whilst waiting for the shower to heat up still wondering how he was going to get himself anywhere close to be in the mood to go to a party. 

Him and Liam don't do parties. They do Netflix's and junk food. Curse Liam and his attraction to a popular girl with her parties and friends.

He undressed throwing the small amount of clothing into the laundry basket that was starting to overflow.

His dad had been home a little more since Niall had decided to throw a glass bottle at his head. It was obvious that he didn't want to be though. Conversation was awkward and usually they ended up falling into an uncomfortable silence whilst eating dinner together. His dad would always be checking the time making it clear he was itching to get to a suitable time for him to excuse himself and leave.

Niall climbed into the shower making a mental note to load the washing machine soon so they both don't end up running out of clean stuff to wear. He really didn't need to start going to school smelling like a homeless person. 

He cant help but think about Harry then. Harry was seventeen when he meet Liam's mum and took on a baby. If Harry can become a dad at seventeen then surely Niall can start looking after his household a little more. Make some proper shopping lists for some good healthy meals. Do the washing and the cleaning so they don't end up living in a dump. Just until he has gotten on his plane to New York, then he can just be a teenager for a year.

Its been strange not seeing Harry for two weeks. He still thinks about him most the time, still misses him and still has the same desire for him making his stomach churn and his heart pound. He is not really sure if its been easier though? Sure it's better when he doesn't find himself in a situation where him and Harry could kiss and get so close to doing it. But its still there, he still wants to kiss him and it still drives him crazy. The proof of that is in the amount of times he has laid in bed with his hand wrapped around himself moaning Harry's name into his pillow so his dad don't hear him. It's there now, making him harden as he washes the shampoo out of his hair. The tugging and twisting off his stomach and the rate that his heat his beating. Sometimes Niall cant help but to fall into one of these dazes where his mind his just filled with all things Harry. 

Harry, Harry, Harry.

He thinks he would happily let his whole world just be about Harry. 

He can't though. Not when Liam is sitting in his bedroom waiting for him.

He turns the shower round to cold spinning to face the stream of water gasping at the temperature change. It does the job though and Niall can step out of the shower and wrap a towel around his waist and go back to his bedroom without an obvious boner. 

Liam is sat crossed legged on the bed when he walks back in, clothes for Niall already picked out and laying neatly beside him. 

"It feels so different here now, without your mum." Niall walks over to his dressing table dropping his towel on the way. He pulls on his boxers then a pair of socks before going back over to his bed. Liam has picked out his skinny black jeans, a simple plain white top and his baggy grey jumper. 

"How have things been with you and your dad now?" Niall yanks his jeans on, hopping a little to get them over his butt. 

"Better but not the same as before. Not that I expect anything to be the same as before." Niall's life was separated into two half's now. Before his mum died and after his mum died. He was still finding it hard to except that life would never go back to how it was before. 

He had a lot of time to think about what it would be like when his mum finally died. He had imagined Greg and his dad being like a rock to him, he thought they would all step up. All take over a piece of his mum so that together they could make it feel like she was still here. He never thought about an empty house. Fights with his dad. Greg leaving completely. 

"You haven't been coming to mine for a while. Your not going to let it get to much for you right? If you need to be somewhere other then here you will come over?" Niall feels like between Liam and Harry he has had this conversation too many times. It makes him want to snap but Liam is looking up at him all worried, and he doesn't know about the thing between him and Harry. Niall cups Liam's face in his hands leaning down to kiss his forehead.

"I know Liam. You don't have to worry about me so much. I'm dealing with things." Liam looks like he wants to say more but he drops it watching Niall pull the rest of his clothes on. 

"I feel lazy can you do my hair for me please?" Liam rolls his eyes but gets up of the bed anyway going to get Niall's hair stuff.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You know, i'm not sure if they have the music loud enough." Liam shoves Niall in the side shooting him a look. The house is not even in sight yet and Niall can feel the bass of the music under his feet.

"How to people not complain? Like that would drive me nuts." 

"For gods shake Niall, will you loosen up. Macy lets the neighbours know okay and she has an agreement of when the party needs to start dying down. You old man."

"Hey! I have always been old beyond my years and I don't care." Niall screws his face up when Macy's house comes into view. There where a handful of people outside smoking and talking and Niall could see trough the windows that inside was pretty packed.

"Hello hell." Liam rolls his eyes pushing Niall forward.

"Stop it." Once they are inside Niall can no longer hear Liam or even begin to want to try talking to him so he settles for holding his hand and being led into the mass of people. They find Macy stood with a group of her friends a red cup in her hand. Her face lights up when she see's Liam and that kinda warms Niall's heart a little. Its how he thinks everyone should look when they get to spend time with his best friend. Macy says something to Niall her mouth moving quickly and her eyes wide clearly excited about something. Niall points to his ears letting her know he cant hear a word that she is saying. She laughs then points in the direction that Niall is guessing the kitchen, then Liam is grabbing his hand again and pulling him. 

The kitchen is just as loud and rather dark. Niall scans the area seeing a few people he has classes with and quite a lot of older people he has never seen before in his life. Liam shoves a cup in his hand filled with god knows what. There is an awful lot of alcohol on the counter but he trusts Liam to not make him anything too strong so he happily sips his eyes still moving around the room. 

A boy comes over to speak to Liam, their faces close so they can be heard. Someone from Liam's science class he thinks, but he is not sure. 

Parties are weird and he cant understand why people like them so much. The music is so loud that he can't even hear himself think let alone what anyone else would want to say to him. And its not even good music, its just noise. Then you have all the alcohol and the worry of someone slipping something into your drink. Its dark, It loud, Its kinda smelly and Niall is bored already. But Liam is smiling and laughing and also refilling Niall's drink so he wont complain out loud. Not that Liam would even hear him. 

After he has finished his second drink he leans forward until his mouth his pressed to Liam's ear.

"I'm going to go outside for fresh air." He said it purposefully loud cackling when Liam swats at him then nods to let Niall know he heard him. 

Niall moves past the bodies of people until he finds the backdoor sighing with relief when he gets outside to fresh air. The music is still loud out here but its not so mind crushing. 

The back yard is just like the front with people smoking and talking. Its more chilled out and definitely more Niall's scene. Hopefully Liam would come out soon and he can convince him to stay out here with him. 

He moves to the side of the house smiling at the people he did not know and saying a quick hello to the ones he did. When he rounds the end of the house he stumbles across what he for sure knows is Zayn Malik dealing drugs. 

He goes to steps back and disappear but Zayn's eyes snap up and he freezes. 

He knows he should probably leave. Go back inside to find Liam and get lost in the crowd so that Zayn will forget about him. Instead he stays frozen to the spot as Zayn pockets his money and the bloke he is with quickly leaves giving Niall a funny look as he passes. Zayn moves over to him slowly that stupid smirk on his face that seems to permanently be there. 

He manages to look more intimidating out of his school uniform, with his annoying cool leather jacket and jeans with more holes then anything in them. Who even wears jeans with so little material. 

"You get lost Loser?" Niall swallow's around a lump in his throat trying his best to not look as nervous as he feels. 

"I'm not going to say anything." Zayn chuckles, the sound sending a cold shiver over Niall. 

"Oh I know. Because if you did then this.." He grabs Niall chin harshly his thumb digging into the cut on Niall's lip. "This wont be the only thing I put on that stupid face of yours." Niall wraps his hand around Zayn's wrist trying to get him to loosen his grip, the cut on his lip burning as he dug into it. He slams Niall backwards his head hitting the brick wall with a thud. Niall grunts his hands leaving Zayn's wrist to cradle his head. 

"You so much as mention my name to anyone tonight I will find out. These pretty little lips stay closed." Niall looks down his eyes wide as Zayn traces his lips with his fingers. Zayn laughs pressing Niall against the wall more, stepping closer until his body is almost pressed to Niall's.

"Such a little gay boy. You going to get hard gay boy." Niall pushes Zayn away slapping his hands off his face his body shaking with either anger or fear, Maybe both.

"Fuck you! What is even your problem with me Zayn? Why the hell do you fucking hate me so much? Is it just because I am gay? Because you don't have to worry about that, I would rather eat my own fucking eyeballs then fuck you." Zayn surges forward his hand wrapping around Niall's throat pushing him back until his knees buckle and he falls to the floor Zayn straddling his waist his hand still gripping his throat. 

Niall starts to panic, is sure that Zayn is more then capable of choking him to death right now without a flicker of remorse. He desperately tries to gasp for breath clawing at Zayn's hand with his fingernails. Zayn leans down a sick smile on his face.

"I don't like you because you're a whiny little bitch who needs to be put in his place. You don't need to be gay but it sure as hell makes hating you that little bit easier. I hate you because just the sight of you makes me want to rip your fucking throat out." He lets go off Niall smiling down at him as he gasps, taking in as much air as he can. 

"Maybe I will rip them eyes out for you. Make you eat them." Niall glares up at him lifting himself up on his arms, regretting it instantly when it brings him closer to Zayn. 

"You're messed up you know that? Been taking to much of what your been selling? You are a bloody psycho." Zayn reaches into his jacket pocket pulling out a small clear bag with a couple of pills inside.

"You mean these right. Maybe you should take some. Loosen up a little." He tips them out into his hand and for a second Niall actually thinks he is going to force them into his mouth but instead he tips his head back and takes them himself.

He keeps his head back for a moment before slowly looking down at Niall again. 

"You stay safe tonight little Niall. Your never know who might want to take advantage of such a pretty little twink." And then he leaves his laugh echoing in Niall's ears as he stares up at the sky trying to get his head around what the hell just happened. 

He really hates parties.

xxxxxx

He finds Liam dancing in the living room with Macy. He is halfway to him when his arm is grabbed and he is pulled back. He looks over his shoulder almost expecting Zayn to be there with another warning but instead is faced with Dylan, the one the always stares at him at school.

He is talking to Niall and he wonders how people don't seem to understand that they cant be heard in this house right now. Dylan must clock on that Niall cannot hear him because he is suddenly stepping closer his face pressing into the side of Niall's.

"Do you want to dance?" Niall doesn't. He really, really does not want to do anything other then get Liam and go home and be as far away from Zayn as he can. 

But its easier to let himself be led into the crowd by Dylan who stops close enough to Liam that he gets his attention. Liam frowns as soon as he see's Niall like he knows just by looking at him that something has happened. Niall just shakes his head slightly huffing when Dylans hands grab at his waist to get him to move. He wants to be rude and push him away but Dylan is really sweet. Even if he seems a little creepy most the time. Niall would end up feeling rotten if he hurts his feelings so instead he forces himself to relax and forget about Zayn. He wouldn't do anything to Niall here anyway, not when there is so many people. And Niall had no plans to tell anyone about what he saw. Except for Liam maybe.

It's not so bad really, once he clears his head and just moves to the music. He finds that he does not mind the feeling of Dylan pressed up behind him or his arms around his waist or his breath skimming over his neck. Liam has a cup in his hand and when he moves close enough Niall reaches out and snatches it sending Liam a wink before he downs it. He splutters wiping at his mouth because whatever Liam had been drinking was strong. He can see Liam laughing so he throws the cup back towards him enjoying the warm buzz that was spreading trough him. 

He moves his hand upwards to tangle in Dylan's hair his head falling back onto his shoulder. 

This was nice. Just the music and the feel off somebody. No fighting, no arguing, no other shit. Just dancing. The song chances to a quicker one as Niall's hands fling out to grab at Liam pulling him towards him until they are chest to chest.

"Hi!" He says it loudly but it sure Liam still didn't hear it. Liam doesn't miss a beat, his hands tangling together behind Niall's head and his hips moving in time with Niall's. 

Niall has to laugh. A loud one that fills Liam ears. 

His life has been so strange and tonight is no different.

One moment he is being pushed to the ground by his bully who he was sure was going to kill him and then the next moment he is dancing between his best friend and the boy who has always had a crush on him. 

He locks eyes with Liam and he can see the concern in them so he smiles, wants to make Liam think he is absolutely fine. He pulls Liam closer nuzzling his face into his neck.

He smells a little like Harry is the thing. Not Apple, because Harry always smells like Apple. But their house. Its a smell that always seems to be on Harry wherever he goes. 

There is that smell and there is the feeling of Dylan pressed so hard against him and Liam in front all three moving their hips in time to the music and its so much.

"Ni, are you drunk?" Niall shakes his head because no, he cant be. He had them two drinks before he went outside. They where not that strong. And he had the one he just stole off Liam and that was strong but that was not enough to make him drunk he didn't think. 

He looks up at Liam again who still looks so concerned. He doesn't want Liam to always be worried about him. 

He closes his eyes so he cant see it anymore.

He is not sure how long they dance for but at some point another drinks gets pushed to his lips and he drinks without even thinking about it. He is sure it was Liam anyway. 

Liam stays with him the whole time. Even though he has a girlfriend he could be dancing with and making out with. He stays with Niall who is gripping at him and grinding on him and looking at him like he has forgotten who he is. 

He just smell so much like Harry. Niall misses Harry. He pulls Liam in closer by the back on his head until his face blurs. Then he can let himself believe that its not Liam hips pressed against his and not Dylan's arms wrapped around his waist. Its still not right though, because Niall would have to reach up to grip the back off Harry's head. He pushes away from Liam looking down at their hips as he leans back into Dylan more. Macy comes into view then her eyes glued to the three boys an amused look on her face as she comes up behind Liam her arms snaking around his neck as she talks into his ear. Liam turns to say something back to her then she is bouncing off and vanishing into the crowd. He goes to ask Liam what Macy had wanted but then Dylan is running his hands over his stomach lifting his jumper and top up a little to expose the bottom of his stomach. Niall gasps when his fingers brush across the bare skin his head falling back so he can look up at him. 

Dylan is really handsome. Like really, really handsome but he is not Harry. Everything comes back to Harry in Niall's head and he cant settle for anything other then what he really wants. He can pretend all he likes but dancing with Dylan and Liam is nothing like dancing with Harry would be. Harry was probably a really good dancer. He would move so perfectly with Niall and he would kiss and bite at his neck and make Niall feel like he was flying. He would know how to take Niall apart piece by piece until there was nothing left to give him. 

Niall snaps out of his thoughts when Liam tugs him forward saying something to Dylan.

"I think we should leave." Niall nods at Liam's words letting himself be pulled away from Dylan. They say goodbye to Macy and a few other people Niall does not know before walking out the front door.

Niall's ears a ringing now that he is outside where it a lot quieter.

"How drunk are you?" Niall thinks about it for a while, he actually feels fine. 

"I don't think I am. I think I just got caught up in the moment." Liam links arms with him as they start the walk back to their houses.

"Yeah no shit. Kinda feel like we spent the last half an hour dry humping." Niall laughed loudly leaning over to give Liam a kiss on the cheek.

"You bloody wish. Thank you though for dancing with me. It was fun." Liam smiles fondly at him pulling his mobile out of his pocket.

"Oh shit." He shoves him phone away his eyebrows furrowed together. "Its bloody half two in the morning. I told dad we would be home by midnight he is going to be so pissed." Niall can only focus on the 'we' part of that sentence.

"I'm going back to my house Li." Liam's head snaps round to look at him.

"What? no your not. Its Friday and we always spend the night at mine on Friday. You didn't stay last week for whatever reason so you have to this week. You're leaving soon Niall so stop taking my time away." Other then coming right out and saying he is avoiding Harry because he wants to kiss his face off Niall does not really have an excuse to not go to Liam's. He cant say his dad is expecting him because he dad never would on a Friday. He cant say he is feeling unwell after the party because Niall has stayed at Liam's even when he has been throwing his guts up before. He has never let anything stop him from going to Liam's for Friday night sleepover until now. 

"Anyway what was wrong with you before? You looked like you had seen a ghost when you came in?" Niall thinks back to his encounter with Zayn outside. It felt like it had happened so long ago and he had almost forgot about it altogether.

"I caught Zayn selling drugs, you can guess how that played out." Liam stops walking forcing Niall to do the same.

"Did he hurt you?" Niall waved his hand about tugging at Liam to get him walking again.

"Not really. Same old shit really." Not really. Zayn was getting worse as time went on. Niall really could not wait to get his butt on that plane and leave all this shit behind for a while. 

"You would tell me right? If things got to much with him. Don't let him hurt you Niall." Niall pats Liam on the hand giving him a reassuring smile. 

"Of course love." His nerves skyrocket when he can see Liam's house in the distance. It feels like such a big thing to be possibly seeing Harry again after two weeks. The last time he had seen him Harry had ended up pinning him to the wall and the memory is one that still turns him on beyond belief. 

Would Harry want to talk about it? Is he hoping that Niall has gotten over his feelings in the time apart? Oh god, had Harry gotten over it all and Niall was going to be left pining after him all on his own? 

He keep his eyes to the ground as Liam opens the door quietly not wanting to wake Harry if he is already asleep. They both kick their shoes of relived to find the downstairs in darkness and head to the kitchen to grab a drink of water before going up to bed. Liam turns the kitchen light on to find Harry sat at the table with a glass and a bottle of whisky in front of him his arms crossed over his chest. 

Liam jumps grabbing at Niall.

"Where the hell have you been?" Niall had seen Harry angry lots of times before. 

Once when Liam and Niall where fourteen they where caught stealing from the local corner shop. Then there was the time they where throwing a stone back and forward to each other out of boredom and it ended up denting Harry's car. Or the time Liam got annoyed at Niall and threw the TV remote at his head but missed and smashed a vase that Harry's mum had just gotten him for his birthday. 

There where too many to list really, but Niall has seen Harry angry at the both of them an awful lot. This was different though. They had never left Harry sat at home worrying like this before. 

"I'm sorry dad, we lost track of time is all." 

"Is all?" Harry stands up the chair scraping across the floor is so loud it makes Niall flinch. "That's not all Liam. I have been worried sick that something had happened to you, I couldn't get through to your mobile and if it was not for Louis talking me down I would have turned up at that party and dragged your arse home!" Niall shuffles from foot to foot not really sure is he was part of this telling off or not. 

"I really am sorry. I promise to be more considerate next time dad. It won't happen again, and we are safe. There was no trouble at all right Niall?" Niall stops moving his eyes going wide when both of them turned to him. He avoided Harry's eyes looking past him at the wall instead.

"Yep, no trouble. Sorry." Harry sighs pushing the palm of his hand into his eyes.

"Just go to bed Liam, your grounded this weekend." 

"What dad no. I have a date with Macy tomorrow that's not fair!" Harry stepped forward his finger pointed towards Liam.

"What isn't fair is you making me sit here waiting for you to come home so I know you are not dead. Maybe Macy should have helped you with your time keeping. Now get to bed I don't want to hear another sound from you tonight." Niall watches Liam storm out of the room looking as pissed of as Harry did. 

Niall rocked on the backs of his feet letting out a nervous chuckle as Harry's attention turns fully to him.

"Looks like the party was here too." He says pointing to the bottle of whisky. Harry huffs snatching it up to put it back in the cupboard.

"It's not funny Niall. I was practically having a heart attack. The under age drinking I can turn a blind eye too but scaring the shit out of me like that is not acceptable." Okay then, Niall was part of the telling off too obviously. 

"I'm sorry. My dad didn't give me a curfew so I didn't think to check the time." Harry picks up his empty glass placing it in the sink 

"Did you dad expect you to be sleeping here tonight?"

"I guess so." Harry nodded leaning his back against the counter his hands gripping the edge 

"Well in that case you had a curfew and it was two and a half hours ago." Harry looks up and for the first time since he walked in Niall had eye contact with him. 

"I'm sorry." He looked down at his fingers feeling really bad for worrying Harry.  
He can understand how scary it must have been. Him and Liam had not really been to a party before and Harry was used to them being at the house all the time so it must have been a shock to have them home so much later then they should have been. 

"Do you want me to leave? Since Liam is grounded and all." Harry pushes himself of the counter tugging at his bottom lip as he steps closer to Niall 

"No. I don't want you walking alone this late and I have been drinking so can't drive you. Plus you know you don't really ever have to leave here Niall even if Liam is grounded. Just no Xbox or Netflix's okay." Niall nods taking a small step back.

"Thank you. I should go get ready for bed." Harry doesn't say anything as Niall slips out the room and runs up the stairs.

Liam is sprawled out face down on the bed asleep when Niall gets inside his room.

He tugs the blanket out from under him, rearranging his body so he can fit in the bed before tucking him in. 

Once he is sure Liam is comfortable he grabs a pair of pyjama bottoms from his draw and strips down so he can put them on. He probably smells but like Liam he is far to sleepy now to have a shower. 

He goes across to the bathroom taking a spare toothbrush from under the sink so he can brush his teeth.

He is spitting the last of the toothpaste out when Harry comes in pushing the door closed behind him.   
He glances at Niall for a second before grabbing his own toothbrush.

"You drunk?" He asked before starting to brush. Niall shakes his head playing with the string off his trousers feeling a little self conscious being topless in front of Harry. 

"Are you both telling the truth that nothing happened tonight to make you late?"

"Yeah I promise." Harry put his toothbrush back into the holder his eyes meeting Niall's in the mirror. 

"I remember my first party. I got home before curfew but I threw up over my mum's slippers and Louis passed out halfway up the stairs." Niall tries to picture a younger Harry and Louis stumbling around drunk. 

"Mum was so angry and I was not allowed so see Louis for a week. Felt like torture at the time because we where a bit like you and Liam. But worth it because I got my first blow job that night." Niall laughs loudly slapping his hand over his mouth the sound seemed far to loud.

"Oh god Harry. Well nothing like that happened tonight, Jesus." Harry wiggles his eyebrows pulling a hairband off his wrist so he can pull his hair back into a bun.

"How have you been? It's been strange not having you around the house." Niall walks away from the sink over to the other side of the bathroom so Harry can wash his face.

"Not been to bad. Sorted a few things out with dad, put some extra time into revising. Boring teenage stuff really." He passes Harry his towel his hand snapping back when their fingers touched. 

"That's good about your dad. Has school been okay? Liam told me you got into a fight. Did you want to talk about that? I'm guessing it's where that cut on your lip came from." Niall touches his lip. For some reason the thought of Harry looking at his lips was making his face flush.

"It was nothing serious, but other then that incident schools been fine." Harry hangs his towel back up his teeth scraping over his lip as he turns back to Niall clearing his throat.

"And being away. Did that help at all?" Niall takes a deep breath steadying himself for the conversation that he has been dreading and was apparently about to have at nearly three in the morning. 

Niall plays with his fingers as he tries to work out his answer. What if he tells Harry the truth, that he still likes him but Harry does not feel the same anymore. Or what if Harry does still feel the same and tells Niall he needs to spend more time away from him. And now that he was back he didn't want to leave. This house felt more like home then his house did. And Harry's makes him feel calm and relaxed even when he is scolding him.

"I don't think so." Harry raises his eyebrows stepping closer to Niall.

"That's not as clear of an answer as I was hoping for, just tell me what's going on in your head. Nothing you say is going to be wrong or make me angry." Niall folds his arms over his chest, like hiding himself a little would make him a bit more confident to have this talk.

"Well I guess no, it didn't help. I still feel the same way. I missed you and I thought about you pretty much non stop. About kissing you and being with you." He can't tell what Harry is thinking and it's the most frustrating thing in the world.

He feels so exposed under his stare like Harry is picking him apart and seeing right inside his mind. Seeing all the things Niall has daydreamed about, has wanked to in the middle of the night. 

"It's the same for me." Harry steps forward uncrossing Niall's arms his eyes roaming over his milky white chest. Niall blushes wanting to shy away and hide but Harry is holding his arms down to his side making it impossible to move.

"I thought to myself that I can just move on and that it had to be a phase. But you are everywhere and in everything I do. Something funny happens and I want to tell you or i see a film or a book I like and I think, hey Niall would love this too." Harry drops Niall's hands but instead of covering himself like he wanted to do before they stay limp at his side, useless.

"I wake up and my first thought is about you and how I hope you are okay and that you slept well. I go to bed and night and." He stops suddenly moving in closer his hands gently taking Niall's face and titling his head up towards him.

"I get so hard over you Niall. Thinking about touching you, tasting you and just feeling you." Niall closes his eyes his breath coming out in short pants that hit Harry's lips making then twitch.

"You are so beautiful. You understand why I can't kiss you don't you? You know that once I have tasted you I won't be able to stop " Niall grips at Harry's shirt whimpering as he grows hard, tenting the front of his trousers. He can feels Harry's eyes burning into him taking him in.

"I wouldn't want you to. I can keep it a secret Harry. Liam won't find out. It can just be between us. Nothing serious, just us given in every now and then. I can't carry on like normal if I have to keep pretending this is not happening. I can't stay away for good but I also can't be here if I can't kiss you." Harry rest his head on Niall's their noses touching and it takes everything in Niall to not just lean up that last tiny bit and kiss him.

"I told myself that if you come back and say it was all a mistake, that you never really liked me then I would forget about it too. But if you came back and said you still feel the same, still want me then I would have to just give in" 

"Kiss me then. Just kiss me and screw all the things wrong with it." Harry is kissing him then and it's not perfect really. Their teeth clash as the both lean in too much desperate to be as close to each other as possible and it hurts Niall's lip. It's also kind of perfect anyway because it's Harry's lip and they feel so good moving with his. He taste like toothpaste and something that is so Harry it makes his eyes roll and his toes curl. He moans into the kiss his lips parting as Harry's hard cock ribs against his own. Harry licks over his bottom lip before pushing his tongue into his mouth.

He is being lifted as their tongues tangle and taste and explore then he is being placed down next to the sink his back slamming into the mirror, toothbrushes and bottles being knocked to the floor with a clatter. 

Harry rolls his hips hard into Niall's pre come already leaking from the tip of Niall's cock leaving a small wet patch on his trousers.   
They are not really kissing anymore just panting and groaning into each others mouth as the grind against each other. Niall's body arches as he meets each of Harry's movements with his own his back sliding up and down the glass with the force of Harry's thrusts and the room filling with quite grunts of pleasure. 

"God Niall. So beautiful." Niall moans his head falling backwards hitting the mirror with a soft thud. Harry bows down attaching his lips to Niall's neck gently kissing and licking over the skin careful not to leave any marks as he makes his way down to Niall's chest. 

They grown more frantic hips moving fast and fingers digging into skin harder. Niall can feel the tightening in his stomach and a feeling that is almost too good that starts at his feet and spreads all the way up until it fly's out of Niall's mouth in a string of curses and moans

It baffles him really that after two weeks of ignoring him but desperately wanting him they are now doing this. And it's Harry. Harry. Never did he think he would he doing this. But he was and it was so, so good and it felt right and he didn't want it to ever stop. Unfortunately he body didn't get the memo because the tightening in his stomach was getting stronger and his legs where curling around Harry's waist drawing him in closer, harder. 

"I'm gonna...fuck." Harry moves his lips back to Niall's again his hands moving to his back holding him steady as he moans into Harry's mouth his body giving a harsh jolt as he starts to come. Harry follows instantly nails scratching up Niall's back his hips giving two last hard thrusts before he stills with a drawn out moan. Niall can feel him coming as it soaks trough his trousers into his own and it makes Niall feel lightheaded knowing their come is mixing together, that they just made each other come. 

Harry pulls away panting as he looks down at the mess. He looks back up again and Niall is sure he could come again by just looking at his face. Swollen red lips, wide green eyes looking completely fucked and rosy cheeked. 

"Well shit." Niall laughs burying his head into Harry's shoulder.

"I cant believe we just done that. I was only going to kiss you." Niall pulls back running his hand over Harry's cheek feeling the warmth there.

"You don't regret it though? We are still doing this yeah?" 

"Yeah. Yeah of course, we have to be careful and really sensible about this Ni. I don't want to stop, want to be able to kiss you whenever I can." They pull apart after that both grimacing at the wetness. 

"I will leave you to clean up and get some sleep." He kisses Niall again, just a few small pecks before he mumbles a good night and leaves Niall alone in the kitchen. 

Niall slumps back against the mirror his smile so big he is sure it could split his face. Tonight had been a roller coaster since the moment Liam woke him up from his nap but it certainly ended in the best way possible.

He had Harry. He actually had Harry in the way he really wanted to. He peels off his clothes deciding that having a shower might be a good idea now. The smile never leaves his face as he gets washed and dressed into clean clothes climbing into bed next to a snoring Liam. 

He fell asleep with the taste and sensation of Harry still on his lips and flashes in his mind of what Harry looks like as he comes. 

God he can't wait to kiss him again. 

Its the happiest Niall had fallen asleep for a really long time.


	14. Chapter 14

It's 8am the next morning when Harry enters the doors of the Pig and Moon pub. He feels bad for leaving the house before he got a chance to talk to Niall but he hoped the boy would still be there when he got back so he could at least attempt to get him alone to talk without Liam noticing. 

Last night had been, well a lot more then Harry had planned. After not seeing Niall for a week he had started to accept that he probably wouldn't be seeing Niall as much anymore. So when he came into the kitchen last night with Liam, Harry's heart had leaped out his throat to be honest.  
And the kiss. Oh god did that kiss feel good and so, so right. Harry couldn't  even bring himself to feel bad for how carried away he got.   
The memory of his and Niall's cocks rubbing together through their clothes was enough to make him have to stop and catch his breath. He has to talk to Niall today though. Let him know that what happened was ok and that it can continue if he wanted it too. But he really needed to stress how important it was to be careful and keep this a secret. Harry was not willing to loose his son for Niall no matter how good being with the boy feels. 

"Hey there handsome, sorry for dragging you out of bed on a Saturday." Harry smiled at the ray if sunshine that was Cassie Blake standing behind the bar. Her beautiful fire red hair was piled up on top of her head and her green eyes where crinkled up from the massive smile on her face as Harry leant over the bar to kiss one of he freakled cheeks.   
"No worries love, I told you to call me whenever he was here. Is he upstairs?" Cassie nodded her happy expression falling off her face as she slid a tea towel off her shoulder.   
"Yeah. I dragged his arse in here about 3am. He was up to no good again Harry, I think he bitch of a mother wouldn't let him in the house last night so he was out there selling." Harry sighed rubbing a hand over his tired face.   
"Thanks Cass I will go sort him. You been doing ok yeah?" Cassie's gives him a thumbs up and slaps his bum when he walks behind the bar and passes her. 

Cassie Blake had been introduced to Harry by Louis. They had meet at collage and Harry had wanted the pair together ever since. She was the female version off Louis but she was also really good and calming him down. Also she was beautiful. Louis was a complete idiot for not seeing how good he could have it. 

Harry took the stairs two at a time stepping over a few boxes of stock that where littered around the hallway before pushing the door to the small living room open.

Zayn was laying on the sofa his body too long causing his feet to hang of the end and almost touch the floor. He was awake staring up at the ceiling. 

"Hi." Zayn sighed loudly his eyes flicking over to meet Harry's. He looked like shit really. His skin had lost its warm caramel glow and was now a sickly pale colour, his eyes blot shot and dull. 

"Should have know she would call you." Harry stepped into the room more closing the door behind him to give them some privacy.  
"Well it's either me or your parents. Let me know if you would prefer them yeah." Zayn laughs, the sound bitter and loud in the room.  
"Like they would care. Don't even care if they leave their kid out for the night. I ain't perfect like my fucking sister so I can rot in a ditch." Harry feels so sad that Zayn is treating the way he is at home.   
He does what he can to help though. Ever since Zayn walked into his music shop two years ago looking like shit and striked up a conversation with Harry about all the guitars on display Harry had been determined to make the boys life better. Even if all he could do was give him free lessons and use of the guitars in the shop and some fatherly advice whenever he needed it. 

Cassie takes him in too, when she knows he is out doing things they are not exactly legal.   
His parents fuck everything up though, making him feel like scum everytime he ventures home.   
"You should have come straight here Zayn, don't go walking the streets selling that shit. You will get yourself in trouble one day. It's not worth it." Zayn sits up his face so blank that it scares Harry.   
"Selling that shit gives me the money I need to buy myself food and other crap I need."  
"I have told you to come work for me. A proper job with a proper wage they won't get you killed or arrested." Zayn shakes his head starting to rummage around in the sofa, most likely for his pack of cigarettes.  
"No thanks man. I can get up to 300 a night working out there. I won't get caught anyway, I'm small and quick nobody is going to get me." He gives Harry a cocky smile, trying to get a rise out of the man. He does that sometimes. Tries to piss the people off they want to help him because he doesn't think he deserves it. Or needs it maybe, who knows.  
"They ain't going to kill me either. They like me, think I'm real pretty. They're not going to risk scaring me away when they think can get a quick blowie from the pretty little twink right. Might earn myself enough cash to leave this shit hole if I do that right? Get down on my knees for a minute or two." 

It worried Harry that he didn't know if he was joking or not. He hopes he never has to find out Zayn has been pushed down some disgusting alleyway and used in such a filthy way just for some cash.

"Come back to mine yeah? Stay for as long as you like. It's warm and safe and I provide three very well cooked meals a day. School stuff to. I can get you what you need for school." Zayn laughs again, the sound making Harry jump.

"And what would your son think of that? Liam Payne is not my biggest fan you know. Him and Irish, they both hate me didn't you know? But then again I do have a tendency to punch the Irish git in the face".

"That was you?" Harry can't help but sound angry and he sees a flash of worry in Zayn's eyes. Like the idea that he could have actually pissed Harry off for real is something he is concerned about. 

"Yeah? But shit it wasn't my fault the little freak practically attacked me. He got some messed up anger issue since his mum snuffed it. So no thanks I won't make an appearance at yours. Cassie will take care of me for today I bet. Then it's back to work. You can go now, you have done your caring act." 

"It's not an act Zayn. I do care, please feel free to turn up at mine if you ever want to take my offer up. Liam will know to get over it and accept you in too." Zayn lays back down turning his back to Harry his pack of cigarettes found and held tightly in his hand.   
Harry pulls a crumbled ten pounds  
note out of his pocket placing it on the table near Zayn's head.   
"Here. Your pack is nearly empty." He doesn't bother trying to get Zayn to stop smoking. He has a shit life so he should be able to have the comfort they bring him in peace. Harry won't allow him to go out and do god knows what to get them though. Much safer to just slip him some money every now and then.   
He leaves without saying anything else making his way back downstairs to say goodbye to Cassie.   
"Any good?" She asks when he is back the right side of the bar.   
"Of course not. Think he might stay here for the rest of the day though. You alright to feed him? Push him to take a shower maybe." Cassie sighs with a sad nod of her head.  
"Yeah definitely. He is always welcome to stay here he knows that. He just had to stop being so stubborn and start understanding we actually want a better life for him." Harry goes to reply, something along the lines of there being no chance in hell. He stops though, the words catching in his throat because tucked up in the corner of the pub hugging a pint to his chest is Bobby.  
"Hey how long as he been there love?" Cassie looks up towards Bobby.  
"Since we opened. He practically lives here at the moment. I'm the only place that opens before lunch."   
"When did that start?" Cassie starts wiping down the surface of the bar her eyes still on Bobby in the corner   
"His wife died right? I would say round about that time. In here straight from work on a weekday and doesn't leave until I kick him out, then most weekends he is here from open to close. Not been here for a couple of days though so I thought things must be looking up for him. Guess not hey." Harry gives her hand a quick squeeze before heading over to Bobby.  
"Hey Bob." Bobby startles his head snapping up to look at Harry his eyes wide.  
"Oh Harry. Hi."  He voice slurred. Not even 9am and he was already drunk.  
"What ya doing here so early mate?" Bobby chuckled tucking his chin into his chest like he was trying to hide from Harry then best he could.  
"It's 2pm somewhere right? Ain't that what they say." Harry leans forward gripping at the table with his hands.  
"Niall slept over last night."  
"I imagined he did. Making a nice home for himself with you right? Proper dad, you Harry." Harry sighs dragging out the seat next to Bobby sitting himself down.  
"You been home much? Niall is not at mine as much as you think. First time in a week last night. You been home with him Bobby? Taking care of him? Making sure he gets to school? Good meal? Or have you been sat here drinking?" Bobby looks up, the grip on his pint glass tightening until his knuckles turn white.    
"You judging me boy? My wife died and I can't drink away my sorrow?"   
"Nialls mother died. What you doing to make sure he is dealing with his own sorrow?" Bobby scoffs shaking his head.

"I have been home alright, been looking after him. I knew he would be out with your Liam today so I thought I would let myself come sit here. You wouldn't understand." 

"My wife died too."  
"I had to watch mine die Harry. Slowly, so slowly. Losing a part of her everyday until there was nothing left. You didn't have to do that, yours just went." He slammed a hand down on the table making Harry jump and Cassie turn to face them a frown in her face   
"Boom she was gone. You didn't watch her suffer week after week after week." Harry looks at the man, his face twisted in disgust.   
This was the father Niall had been living with?   
Harry got to his feet, his hands and legs shaking as he ran his fingers through his hair.  
"Don't worry I imagine Niall will spend the rest of the weekend with me. You stay here and drink it all away Bob. See how that helps when you come up for air and realise you could loose Niall to." Harry leaves then calling out a goodbye to Cassie. 

He looks up before he gets into his car and sees Zayn leaning out the window smoking. He raises his hands in a wave, Zayn rasies his back with his middle finger up.  
"Yep. Fuck you too." Harry mutters to himself getting into his car and slamming the door   
"Fuck this whole morning." 

Xxx

Niall is laying on the sofa playing Xbox when Harry walks back into the house.  
"Where is Liam?" Niall pauses his game sitting up straighter as he watches Harry take off his cost and shoes.  
"He went back to bed. Said there was no point being awake if he was grounded." Harry moves to stand in front of the sofa .  
"You going home anytime soon?" Niall shrugs swinging his legs of the sofa. He can tell something is up with Harry, can tell he is wound up about something. Was he about to tell him last night was a massive mistake?  
"At some point today yeah."   
"Don't. Stay here." He drops down on his knees then hand grabbing the back of Niall's head and pulling him in for a kiss.

Niall let's out a sound of surprise the controller falling from his hand with a clatter. His brain takes a while to catch up and get his lips moving with Harry's in a rhythm that has his toes curling into the carpet.   
"Liam." He gasps moving his lips away from Harry.  
"Liam could come down, you said we had to be careful. He could come down." Harry groans moving his head down to rest on Niall's shoulder.  
"I know. I just had a really wierd morning. Just needed it for a little while. Sorry." Niall runs his hands trough Harry's hair, his lips still tingling from Harry's kiss. His heart beating a little faster then normal and his head buzzing. He could kiss him all day to be honest but he was so scared about Liam catching them that putting a stop to the kiss was rather easy. That was good. There was less change of them messing everything up if they can be sensible enough to stop when they needed to. 

"Your dad was in the pub. You said things where better Niall but god he was so... horrible. And why didn't you tell me Zayn Malik was the one who hit you?" Niall leaned back pushing Harry away from him. Any good feeling that was buzzing through his body completly died out. How the hell had Harry found out about Zayn? And what the hell was his dad doing drinking in a freaking pub this early in the morning. He was supposed to be making a bigger effort. He could tell he was starting to drift away again but he could have given Niall more then a few days before he put himself first once again.   
Niall didn't want Harry to know this stuff Harry was the place he went to when he wanted to forget it all.   
"What where you doing there?"  
"My friend runs the place, she needed me over for something. I want you to be honest with me Niall. I want to be able to help you. I wouldn't have agreed to you staying away if I knew things were that bad." Niall stands up putting more space between him and Harry.  
"It hasn't been that bad. He has been home and we have been spending time together. Obviously he thinks it's enough and he can go back to working and drinking and nothing else. It's fine though I am fine with it. It's whatever." It hurts so badly. His dad doesn't want to help him. Doesn't want to deal with this overwhelming grief together. Why has he been left alone so suddenly. Why can't things just he back to normal.  
He can't wait to leave this place and forget how shit things are for a whole year. It doesn't feel like long enough anymore.   
He thinks of his suitcase under his bed. The travel books. The clothes his mum brought so she knew he was ready for all weathers and adventures. The emergency credit card. The extra phones just incase he lost his and he needed a cheap one until he could sort himself out. The books to help with the different languages. The books about places to go in each country. Things him and his mum had found on the internet to make sure he had the best but safest time possible. His travel papers, his visas, his scheduled jabs. That was all his freedom in a medium sized suitcase.   
He could go for more then a year if he wanted to. 

"Niall love." Harry wraps his arms around Niall waist kissing at his skin just below his ear. It sends a shock trough Niall. "It's not fine baby." Nialls eyes flutter shut at the pet name, another kiss pressed to his skin.   
"I can try to help. Let me help." Niall turns in his arms leaning up until their lips meet. It's more heated this time but Niall's ears are still straining to listen to any movement upstairs. Harry moves him backwards until his back hits the wall, only just missing a picture of a ten year old Liam and Louis pulling a silly face.   
Their lips move a little sloppy hands grabbing and groping.  
"Just want to make you happy." Harry mumbles dragging his lips down Niall's neck. Niall titles his head back biting down on his lip to stop himself from moaning loudly as Harry worked his lips down to his collarbone. After a couple more small kisses Harry steps back his hands cupping Niall's face.  
"What can I do?" Niall shrugs bringing his own hands up to rest on Harry's.  
"Just what you normally do. Carry on as normal. It's nice to come here and something is just the same."   
"Ok love. I can do that. You let me know if it's to much though. I can have a word with your dad. And let me know if Zayn gives you trouble again yeah? Don't cope with things on your own." Niall agrees turning his head to kiss Harry wrist. How does this feel so natural already? To kiss Harry whenever he wants to.

"Now how about a nice cup of tea so we can talk about this thing with us while Liam is sleeping still?"   
"Ok." Niall stays wrapped around Harry as he make them both a cuppa, they then carry them back through to the living room where they curl up side by side and talk in hushed tones. 

They talk about what happened the night before. Harry making sure Niall was ok and comfortable with what happened.   
They both agree that this is something they would really like to keep doing but that it should not be a relationship.   
Niall was leaving soon and Harry wanted him to be free to do what he wanted without worrying if it would upset Harry. He also didn't want him to have to worry about staying in contact regularly. There was also the age gap to consider. They would have to keep it a secret from not just Liam but others too. It was legal. Harry could be in a legal relationship with Niall. People would not understand it though. Nobody would understand a man in his thirty's being attracted to a boy of sixteen. Niall wore a bloody school uniform more then he did casual clothes. No, it would have to stay secret. Niall didn't deserve having a  
boyfriend that kept him hidden like that. 

Niall asks if they can reconsider the boyfriend thing when he is older and proven to Harry that nobody else is going to come along. Harry agreed but is pretty sure someone will snatch Niall up in that time. The thought sends a stab of jealousy to Harry chest. He refuses to hold Niall back though, just because he was stupid enough to start fancying him. 

Liam comes down shortly after they have finished talking mumbling a quiet hi to Niall but ignoring his dad completly. 

"Well. Someone is in a mood." Niall giggles into his hand when Liam gives Harry the finger behind his back.   
"What?" Harry questions a small frown on his face. Niall tries his best to look innocent.  
"Hmm? Nothing." Him and Harry may be in a not relationship right now but there was no way he was going to stop taking his best friend's side.  
Being grounded for having fun sucks.  
Harry sucks really.   
"Did he do something?" Niall shakes his head smiling as he hops up from the sofa to follow Liam back upstairs ignoring Harry's pout.   
"Nothing dad!" Liam shouts. Niall looks over his shoulder waggling his eyebrows.  
"Yeah. Nothing daddy." Harry snorts covering his face with his hands.  
"Never again. Please." Harry falls back in the sofa smiling fondly as he listens to Niall cackling loudly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N this is a bit of a filler chapter. I think (think!) things will really start happening in the next chapter. I shall see where it takes me. So close though. Can't wait.

Niall for once can't keep the smile off his face as he walks down the hallway of school Monday lunch time. He had left Macy and Liam being all smoochy and gross outside so he could go see Mr Sykes and get some extra revision papers. He was determined he was not going to mess up his exams and ruin his chances of getting into collage. 

The hallways are empty, the sun drawing everyone outside. With only two weeks left before they leave high school for good and get three weeks to themselves before exams start, most the year eleven students were keenly planning too many leaver parties for Niall to keep up with.  
Did he want to go to them? No  
Where Liam and Macy going to force him? Yes, for sure. 

He knocks three times on Mr Skyes classroom door waiting until he calls him in before he opens the door and steps inside.  
"Hello Mr Horan, how can I help you?" Niall is surprised to find Zayn sat at the end of Mr Sykes desk looking over his shoulder at him with a smirk, (of course) on his face as Mr Skyes gets to his feet.  
"Hi sir, I just wondered if you had some more revision papers I could have?"   
"Sure thing. Let me go grab some." He sends Niall a smile before going into his store room.

Niall avoids looking at Zayn as he waits. He is in far to good of a mood to have a petty argument about stupid stuff. 

Zayn moves off the desk throwing himself onto Mr Skyes chair his eyes boring into the side of Niall's head.   
Niall finally looks down at him, his eyes training over the tattoo peaking from the end of his sleeve. He has always wondered who gave them to him and how he got away with showing them at school. 

"Want to stop staring faggot?" Niall rolls his eyes looking away and turning his back to Zayn.

Mr Sykes comes out of the store cupboard papers in hand.  
"Here you go, I'm glad you're putting in all this effort Niall." Niall takes the papers his eyes flicking over to Zayn again who was back to ignoring Niall presence and was working on his own revision, head bent and lip sticking out slightly. If Niall didn't hate him so much he would consider saying he looked adorable. But he does hate him. To an extreme level. 

"Thanks sir. Enjoy the rest of your day." Niall leaves shoving the papers into his bag. He is halfway down the hallway when Zayn shouts his name. Niall halts spinning in his heel his eyebrow raised as Zayn walks towards him. 

"You going to Paul's party this weekend?" What? Like, what?  
"I don't know. Maybe if Liam's going. Why do you want to know?" Zayn pulls at his hair, biting down on his bottom lip before speaking.  
"Come find me yeah? I got something for you. If you fancy it that is." There is a glint in his eyes as he talks. Niall feels like he is challenging him. Come find me if you dare. What the hell could he want to give Niall? Does he want another fight? Because Niall really doesn't.   
"Yeah, I don't think so. Best to just leave each other be. Bye Zayn." He walks back outside to look for Liam and Macy his interaction with Zayn confusing the hell out of him.

He finds Liam and Macy sitting just outside the door to the canteen cuddled up. They look adorable, Niall thinks as he sits next to them. Macy smiles at him and starts talking about the upcoming plans they all have for the break. 

Niall sits back and let's the sun hit his face. Yeah it's a good day today. 

XX

Harry sneaks into the back of Louis classroom sending a sheepish grin to the few students who notice him entering as he takes a seat at the back.

Louis is pacing in front of them reading from a book, sounds like Shakespeare to Harry but he is not sure. He hated English at school. Had no plans to act interested when his best friend became a professor of English literature. 

It's always wierd seeing Louis at work. Seeing him dressed all proper with his glasses on managing to control a room full of students.   
It was cool though. So cool to see how good Louis is at what he does. How well he is doing for himself. 

"Okay guys if you could please have them reports back to me tomorrow so I don't have to fail you that would be pretty helpful. You can all leave now I have a rather attractive guest to see to." Harry blushes when half the room turns to face him, a few girls giving him flirty smiles. He waits until everyone has filed out of the room then makes his way down towards Louis, who was removing his glasses and placing them down on his desk with his book.

"What you doing here love?" When Harry reached Louis he wraps his arms around him in a tight hug his face buried into the side of his head 

"Everything ok?" Louis questions hugging back just as tightly worried something is upsetting Harry.  
"All good. Just really love you Lou." Louis chuckles rubbing his hand over Harry's back.  
"Love you too. Is that what you came here to say?" Harry shakes his head, his nose brushing against Louis hair.   
"No. I'm going to tell you something and I need you to remember that I really love you." Louis tries to remove himself from the hug so he can look at Harry but Harry just tightens his hold forcing him to stay pressed against him.   
"Ok. Ok I'm listening." Harry takes a deep breath.

He was nervous to tell Louis, but he couldn't not tell him. Louis knew every part of Harry. The good and the bad and even the ridiculously embarrassing. Louis had to be told really. 

"Me and Niall kissed Friday night." Louis arms drop, his hands falling to his side. He lets out a sigh, his breath ghosting over Harry's neck.   
"Oh Harry." Harry closes his eyes, he can hear the disappointment in his voice.   
"Harry you said you wouldn't. I didn't think I had to worry about this anymore. You put a stop to it right? Told him it can't happen again?" He would have done if it was anyone but Niall. He couldn't give up Niall now he knows how good it feels to kiss him. 

"No Lou. We are kinda going to start seeing each other. Not like be in a relationship but we are going to keep being together that way. At least until he leaves " Harry loosens his grip on Louis to let him lean back. Thinks he is prepared for the look that is no doubt on his face. And yep, there it is.   
"Why Harry? Why would you want to do this? He is so young and Liam will be distraught if he finds out." He looks worried and it makes Harry feel so bad they he is the one to make him look that way. Louis who has been there for Harry through everything since they where kids. Supported him when he decided to get married and become a dad. Packed up his life and moved close to him when Rebecca died. Took Liam for him when he was so tired and sad, who without  a single complaint became like a second parent to a thirteen year old boy. 

"I don't know Lou. He just....he makes me feel really good and it's nice. It's what I need." Louis smiles tugging at a strand of Harry's hair.  
"If this comes out. If this thing between the two of you rips your family apart then I will be there for Liam ok. Not you Harry, only Liam. I will give you my support right now if you need it but if it goes to shit that's where I stop. Liam will be my priority." Well, that's better then Harry hoped for to be honest. He expected Louis to shout at him about being a idiot.   
"Ok, I understand. Thank you Louis. I just wanted to tell you, I didn't want to keep this a secret from you. It's hard enough doing this behind Liam's back, I can't lie to you too Lou. I love you."  
"Love you too lad, even if your stupidity is blowing me away right now." Harry pouted pushing Louis shoulder gentle.   
"I haven't had lunch yet. You free to come eat with me?" Louis checks his watch nodding after seeing the time.  
"Yes actually, I don't have a class for another two hours. Wanna get pizza?" Harry agrees heading to stand over by the door while Louis packs away and gets his stuff together.  
"You stress me out so you're paying." He says as he shoved Harry out the door to lock his classroom up. Harry rolls his eyes. Of course he will pay though. 

Xx  
Niall chews on the end of his pen ignoring his homework on his lap as he watches Macy and Liam in front of him.

They had all headed back to Liam's house after school with the plan of it being a study date. So far all Liam and Macy have done is giggle and kiss and Niall has been wishing him and Harry could act like that all the time.   
They have only just started and Niall is wishing they could be together more. That's probably not a good thing.  
"You boys are coming to Paul's party right?" Macy asks finally pulling herself off Liam and sitting down next to him dragging her work onto her lap.   
"No." Liam shots Niall a look.  
"Yes we will be. Just got to make sure we are back in time so my dad don't lose his shit again."   
"Oh well fair enough. It will be fun." Niall decides that he needs food, like an hour ago, so gets up to head to the kitchen.   
"Get us a drink yeah?"  
"No." Niall rummages in the fridge pulling out three cans of fizzy and some wierd rice dish that Harry made the night before that looked gross but actually tasted really nice.   
He can hear Macy and Liam talking in the living room but zones them out as he tips some rice into a small bowl.   
"Hey Ni!" Niall makes a noise back to let Liam know he is listening.  
"What you wearing for the party on Friday?" Niall frowns, why the hell would he know what he is wearing in four days time.  
"Clothes Liam. I shall be wearing clothes. Unless you would like to see me naked that is." Macy laughs.  
"Well if he don't we know Dylan will. We all know he will be there Friday following you round hoping for another dance." Niall scoffs placing the tub of rice back into the fridge hip bumping the door shut.  
"Be silent woman."   
"No thanks. What was that about anyway? You where all over him on Friday night. Thought for sure you where going to kiss him." Niall scoops the cans up in his arms holding his bowl in his hand a fork balancing on top.  
"Kiss him. I would rather suck Liam di... Oh, hi Harry." Harry is leaning against the sofa grinning at Niall who has paused in the doorway his cheeks flushing red.  
"Hi Niall."   
"I was just... snack." Harry hums in reply before excusing himself and going upstairs. 

"Well thanks guys. Let's just not let Niall know Harry was home. Really nice." Liam takes his and Mac's drinks off Niall chuckling.   
"Not our fault you didn't hear him." Niall flips him off before turning his attention to his food shoving it into his mouth. He eats like a pig, sue him.

"I was asking you what you where wearing because it's fancy dress by the way." Oh my god. That is the worse kind of party in Niall opinion. It was just an excuse for girls to dress up like slutty Disney Princess and boys to perv at them and act like it's ok. Why can't he just stay at home and watch shit on TV. Better yet, why can't Liam go alone so he can snog Harry on the sofa all night.   
He wondered if a night alone with Harry is something he will ever get to experience.   
"Do i have to? What are you wearing?"  
"Don't know yet. Macy want to match though right love?" Macy nods not looking up from her notebook. So not only is it going to be a shit night but he is also going to be hardcore third wheeling the matching couple. Fucking fantastic.  
"I will wear all black and draw some whisker's on my face job done. I'm going to steal one of your jumpers Liam is that ok?"  
"Mate. Your whole outfit right now is mine why would you even ask. When have you ever asked actually?" Niall shrugs putting his now empty bowl down running up the stairs and into Liam's room. 

He has just got the jumoer over his head when arms wrap around his waist and pull him backwards and into the hallway. Niall let's himself be lead back into Harry's room.   
"Hey there." He shoved his arms trough the sleeve turning to look at Harry.   
"This is not exactly being careful around liam is it?" Harry drops his head down to Niall shoulders turning his head to nuzzle his nose into his neck.  
"Probably not. He is pretty wrapped up in his girlfriend though, just wanted a minute with you is all." Niall reached up to wrap his arms around Harry's neck.  
"Everything alright?" Harry nods kissing Niall's shoulder.  
"Hmmm. I told Louis about this today, I hope you don't mind." Niall expected it really, and he didn't want Harry to keep things from someone so important to him. It was horrible keeping this a secret from Liam but he had to. Harry doesn't have to keep it from Louis and Louis can be trusted.  
"It's fine. I should go back down, I only came up from a jumper and I have homework to do."   
"Homework. Jesus, I kiss someone who has homework." Niall giggled pinching playfully at Harry's side.  
"Not much longer then I am officially out of highschool." Harry pulled back enough to seal their lips together in a sweet simple kiss.  
"Then you will be a man of the world traveling country to country." The thought sends a thrill trough Niall. He is so close to finally getting on a plane to New York and starting his adventure. The dream him and his mum had been saving and talking about for years.   
"Can't wait, see you in a bit yeah." Niall backs up opening Harry's door.  
"Ok babe." Niall giggles again before walking down the hallway. He will never get used to Harry calling him babe.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N this was supposed to be longer so sorry about that. Also sorry for this chapter all together really. I have no experience and very little knowledge of any drugs and the effect they have on people. I don't agree with the use of drugs they destroy lives and ends lives. Please my beautiful readers don't ever let drugs ruin what you have and who you are. Always say no and never give in to peer pressure. It's not worth it.   
> Sorry for any mistakes. Xxx

Niall is drunk.

Well maybe not drunk. Drunkish? Tipsy? One of them. He ended up sticking to his idea if coming to the party as a cat, clad in skin tight black jeans, a black button up and some pretty adorable cat ears that Macy had shoved on his head. He protested obviously, but he looked pretty hot in them so he left them on.

The party was in full swing now and Niall had no idea who anyone was. He was pretty sure that most of the people that where here were from collage. Pauls brother was in collage so it made sense. Liam and him had drank too many drinks that Macy had made and shoved towards them. They had danced and laughed and now they where laying outside, in the dark looking at stars. 

"Are they supposed to look like something?" Liam questions his arms spread out above his head, his legs hooked around Nialls.

"I think so. Like a frying pan maybe. Or a spoon, fuck if i know mate. Look like stars to me. Just rocks init." Liam rolls onto his side his hands almost hitting Niall in the face as he moves about.

"Macy is a star. All shiny and bright. I like kissing her."

"Aww." Niall pats Liam on the head tugging at his hair a little before letting go. "Kissing should be gross right? Like lips sloshing together and tongues poking at each other. Saliva and other peoples teeth." 

"Ya sure your doing it right?" Liam laughs loudly rolling onto his back.

"I hope so. Yeah. She gets proper wet for me." Niall makes a sound of disgust pushing Liams legs off so he can sit up.

"Liam I really don't need to know that. Gross man."  He really does not need that in his mind. He has to think of something else. Harry. Think of Harry. Harry kissing and Harry's face. 

"No, no, no, no, Niall. You're my best friend right? My brother, my best brother. I love you Niall, so we should be able to talk about this stuff." Niall looks down at Liam who is now pouting his hands clasped together over his chest.

"Is there somthing you wanted to talk about? Is this leading somewhere?" Liam starts trying to sit up but cant seem to use his hands very well. Niall chuckles grabbing his elbows and lifting him until he is upright.

"She wants to have sex but I said no because I want to wait. Is that stupid of me Niall? I said no to having sex with the girl of my dreams." He slumps back down to the ground again his head making a soft thud as it hits the grass. Niall sighs laying down on his stomach next to him. His lovely sensible Liam.

"It's not stupid, if you're not ready then don't do it. I don't understand these people who feel the rush to have sex anyway. It should be special and it wont be if you're not really ready for it Liam. Macy is cool anyway right, she didn't mind did she?" Liam shakes his head a smile creeping up on his face.

"No she was so cool about it. Said she respected that I was honest, let me touch her boobies." Niall laughs playfully slapping at Liam's face.

"Boobs are gross man. Don't talk to me about them, such weird things." 

"Talking of Boobs,I should go find Macy." Niall shakes his head as Liam stumbles to his feet. "You coming?" 

"Nah, its kinda nice out here and its clearing my head a little. I will come in and find you in a bit alright?" Liam salutes him before wobbling away. Niall chuckles looking back up at the stairs his head tilted right back. 

He is not sat by himself for long. The smell of ciggarete smoke wafts over him burning his nostrils. He coughs waving his hand in front of his face in an attempt to clear the air. 

"Alright Loser." He groans loudly at the voice standing up to his feet. 

"Why are you everywhere?" Zayn shrugs a stupid smile on his even more stupid face as he watches Niall brush grass off his trouser legs.

"Funny you coming as a Pussy when you're gay as fuck." Niall raises his eyebrow looking Zayn up and down. He was wearing his normal attire of ripped jeans and tank top but had splashed some fake blood over his chest and up his neck.

"So funny. Excuse me while I go laugh about that somewhere else." He goes to step passed Zayn but he is stopped when Zayn grabs his arms pulling him back.

"For Christ sake what? Do you have some more gay jokes to get out your system? Some about sucking cock maybe, or how about some about the fact that I really like dick up my arse? There are plenty to choose from." Zayn brings his cigarette back up to his lips taking a long drag.

"No then? Great I will be on my way." 

"I have something for you remember?" Niall rolls his eyes holding his hands up in a choking motion before turning back to face Zayn again.

"Well what is it?" Zayn throws whats left of his cigarette on the floor stomping on it with the toe of his show. 

"Do you know how Ecstasy got its name?" Niall doesn't answer, instead he just watches Zayn as he starts walking around Niall a small smile on his face. Niall really does not like where this could be going.

"Its called that because of how happy it makes people feel. Like genuinely happy. You are sad right Niall? Dead mummy, Daddy drinking away his days and a brother who really could not wait to leave you. That shit has got to hurt, it must float around in that head of yours all day on fucking repeat. God, even I feel sorry for you. And you probably have these moments where you think you are happy, you think that feeling in your chest is happiness and you really let yourself believe it. It's not though is it? Its too crushing to be happiness, to raw and painful. No matter how happy you look or let yourself believe its always there. Round and round in your head reminding you every second of every day about all the things that are going wrong in your life. Death, loneliness, abandoned, worthless." Zayns words stab at Niall. He feels exposed, no naked. Like Zayn has stripped him bare and can see everything underneath. He wants to turn and run but his feet stay rooted to the ground his eyes unblinking and staring ahead as Zayn slowly moves around him his eyes never leaving him as he talks.

"Do you remember what it is like to be truly happy? I bet it feels like a lifetime ago that your life was perfect. Coming home to your mum, dad and brother. House full of love and laughter. Whats it like now? Empty? Cold?"

"Shut the fuck up." Niall fist curl up tightly, his teeth clenching. Niall had been feeling better, he really had. It was not in his head. He had been breathing easier and he had not been feeling so angry all the time. And that was real, it had to be real. 

"Ah is this where that anger kicks in? Been struggling with that haven't you? I can help with that. And the sadness of course." He has been so sad hasn't he? Oh god, everything was so dark and miserable in his life. It would get better though. It had too. He had Liam and Harry, they where good things. Not everything was bad. Was it?

"Liam's got himself a girl now Niall, how long do you think it will be before she gets fed up with the sad little tag along? What do you think Liam will do when she makes him choose. The girl he has been pining over for most of his pointless life. Do you think he will choose you? Give up what could end up being a pretty perfect, white picket fence life for you?" Zayn walks up behind him until his chest his pressing into his back. 

Could Macy be getting fed up with him? There was no way Liam would turn his back on Niall though. Was there? No, its not even something he would consider. But then again he was going to be leaving soon, would he give up Macy who would be here with him to carry on life with? Would Niall be the easiest one to get rid off?

"I can solve all that." His lips brush Niall neck, his breath tickling at the skin. "Just one of these." He holds his hand up in front of Niall. A small, round pink pill resting on his middle finger. Nialls throat goes dry his head shaking as soon as he sees it.

"Happyness in a pill, what an amazing thing right? Just one of these and Liam can have the old Niall back for a few hours. He wont have to choose Niall. You will forget it all." Niall eyes flutter shut as Zayn run his nose up towards his ear, his bottom lip dragging on his skin.

"It's so simple. Just pop it into your mouth and you will forget all about your dad sitting at the pub like some pathetic piece of shit. You will forget about your mum dying right in front of you. You wont care about your brother. All that pain and bad feelings will just to. Just happy, happy thoughts. Eveything feels so bright and good. Everything sounds and taste better then you ever thought possible." His free hands tugs down the back of Niall collar, his lips moving down to place a small kiss there. Niall wants to shove him away, tell him how disgusting he is but he is frozen. His eyes once again open and staring down at the pill in front of him. 

"It really is experincing Ecstasy to the full extent. And its just as easy and popping it into your mouth and swallowing." It's like Niall's brain has switched off as Zayn raises his hand pressing the finger holding the pill to his lips.

He thinks of a few blissful hours of forgetting it all. No grief, no anger, no pain and no bad thoughts. Just good things. A good life. His lips part and he takes the pill in, his tounge brushing the skin of Zayns finger leaving a bitter taste in his mouth that he cant work out is Zayn himself or the pill.  He swollows it with ease feeling it slowly go down his throat. Zayn grips onto his waist his fingers digging in.

"Good boy. You're going to feel so good." He steps back then, the sudden loss of contact making Niall stumble and it's like he suddenly comes to his senses. Its like Zayn had managed to put him in a trance and he has been harshly ripped out of it. Oh god he just took a drug.

"Whats going to happen?" He touches his throat starting to panic. People die taking drugs all the time, and this is Zayn. He wouldn't think twice about giving Niall some dodgy drug cocktail that could stop his heart. 

"Give it some time and it will kick in. You can come thank me then." He goes to walk off, Niall following him grabbing at his top.

"No Zayn. I don't know what to do. People are going to know I have taken something. I might get in trouble, why the hell did you give me it!" Zayn grabs him roud the back of the neck dragging him away from the house.

"Will you shut the hell up. You're going to be fine, just act normal and let it kick in. It will just put you in an extra jolly mood. Trust me, you are going to want a lot more after this. Just let it fucking kick in. And don't drink to much alright."  He releases Niall shaking his head looking like he has been dealing with some annoying little kid.

"Why would you even want me to be happy?" Zayn shrugs walking backwards away from Niall.

"Its not fun trying to crush your spirit when your already doing that for yourself. You get yourself nice and happy on these and I will be there when you come down, and I will have so much fun making sure you come crashing down real fucking hard." Niall watches him walk away his heart slamming in his chest, he really hopes that's not a sign it's about to stop. 

He looks around to double check nobody has been watching before making his way into the house to try and find Liam. He cant tell Liam what just happen, he would freak out and tell Harry. He just wants to make sure he is with someone he can trust when the drug kicks in. 

Why the hell did he let himself take it?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The area feels a lot more crowded when Niall pushes his way back into the living room. Someone has switched another light off leaving only a few strobe lights moving around the room, the music has doubled in volume sending vibrations up Niall's legs as he shoves past people trying to spot Liam. 

It's loud, so loud, but he can still hear his own panicked breathing echoing in his ears making the music sound distorted. 

Someone grabs at his shoulder and he turns abruptly relived to see one of Macy close friends smiling at him.   
"Liam?" There is no chance of her hearing him but he exaggerates the word hoping she can read his lips well enough. She points up at the ceiling waggling her eyebrows about. 

Niall looks up, the white ceiling a mess of blues, red and greens as the lights move about.   
He starts pushing his way towards the stairs hoping Liam won't be pissed when he disturbes whatever the hell he has going on up there with Macy.

He stops at the bottom step.   
Maybe he shouldn't interrupt them.   
What if that would be the last straw for Macy. After spending so much time with Niall moping around them would she finally make Liam choose after he barges in in their privet time. 

Niall looks around. Doesn't see a single person he knows. Maybe he should head back home. Or to Harry.  
What would Harry say if he knew Niall had taken a drug?  
He didn't want to give Harry a reason to think he was some stupid child.   
Things had changed, he couldn't act like a child around him ever. 

He stepped backwards coming away from the stairs completely.   
How long would it even be before it kicked in?   
How would he react?  
Zayn had said it would make him happy.   
But like normal everyday happy? Or jump around like a drunk idiot happy?   
And how long would it last. Would he have to leave the party and go back to Liam's completely off his face?  
God, Liam and Harry where going to kill him. 

He stepped back again his back hitting into someone. He spun round his eyes wide and chest heaving to find Zayn smirking at him. He leaned forward until his lips touch Niall's ear.  
"It won't be long. Come with me." He takes Niall's hand and starts leading him into the middle of the room, people parting easily for him.   
Niall grips back and stays close behind him. Right now Zayn is the only one he feels safe with. Zayn will know if it's going wrong. If Niall's brain ends up bloody frying because of that stupid pill then Zayn will know what to do. He hopes. 

They stop right in the middle of the room below some cheesy disco ball someone has hung up.   
Zayn adjust the headband in Niall's head before pulling him in close by his waist so he can talk in his ear again.  
"Stop worrying. You didn't take it to worry. Just dance. You will know when it starts, it will all feel so good." Zayn keeps his head close to Niall's their cheeks brushing, his hand stayed on his waist as he started moving Niall with him.   
It really weird at first. Stood in the middle of a room that is to crowded, to loud. Zayn close enough to him that he is all Niall can feel and smell. He looks down at his arms, the dark skin looking even darker in the lights. His eyes trail down his tattoos on his arm until he can't see them anymore because the rest are on the part of his arm that is tucked around the back of Niall. 

It feels weird, but then it doesn't.   
Niall's head falls back and he thinks although he can't be sure, that Zayn's lips move over the skin that is now exposed.   
Niall's panic slowly fades away until all he can really feel is the music washing over him and Zayn's soft touch on his back. He laughs bringing his head back up until his nose bumps into Zayn who is smiling back. It's the first genuine smile Niall has seen on him before and its actually really nice. 

The lights look so pretty and Niall raises his arms in the air, tries to catch them in his hand. 

Dancing feels so good too. The way Zayn's hips press into his and move so well with him. 

He wishes Liam was down here. Wishes Liam could feel this amazing atmosphere in the room. God he loves Liam so much, wants him here so they can dance and laugh. 

He is not sure how long him and Zayn dance for. But they are both dripping with sweat, Niall wrapped around Zayn as the move together.   
"You feeling good?" He gasps when Zayn's breath brushes over his skin causing goosebumps to pop up.   
"So good." He buries his face into Zayn's neck, can feel the layer of sweat on him with his nose. It's gross really but it just makes Niall laugh.   
"Our little secret yeah?" Niall nods licking at his dry lips. People keep offering him drinks but Zayn keeps pushing them away, keeps reminding Niall not to drink. Says it's safer to stay away from drink after taking Ecstasy, at least he knows Zayn is not trying to kill him. 

Liam still has not come down, not that Niall has really been keeping an eye on the stairs. He is sure that Liam would have spotted him whilst walking down the stairs though and would be over here like a shot if he saw him with Zayn. 

"I should go home." Niall really should go see his dad. It's been so long and he really loves his dad. And his house. His home.   
He moved away from Zayn who follows him closely as he walks towards the front doors.  
He feels light as he moves the fresh air feeling so good in his skin.  
He almost forgot how amazing it is to be truly happy. Because that is what he feels. He is happy. He is alive and he has Liam who is just so fucking brilliant, and Harry who is funny and sexy and Niall gets to kiss him, and his dad. He hasn't been fair to his dad. He should go see him right now so he can tell him he loves him and that they are ok. They will be ok. Life is good, what do they have to be sad about anymore? How blessed are they to be alive and well. 

"Where you going?" Oh yeah, Zayn is still here.  
"To see my dad. I haven't seen him all week did you know? Feel really rotten about it now so just going to see him, give him a hug." Zayn stays silent after that and just follows Niall as he walks home. Niall has no idea why Zayn would want to follow him but doesn't really dwel in it. He is being nice and that makes a rather good change. 

He starts walking faster when he sees his house, leaving Zayn behind a little as he jogs up the path and opens the front door. 

He takes five steps into the house before he realizes that his dad is with a woman.   
He stops and stares at them both, vaguely aware of Zayn standing in the doorway. Bobby jumps up of the sofa, the woman stays seated dropping her head into her hands.

"Who the fuck is she?" Bobby walks closer to Niall, his hands raised like Niall is an rabid animal he is trying to calm down.  
"What you doing home? It's Friday night." Niall blinks back at him, his face blank.  
"Who the fuck is she?" Zayn grabs his arm but Niall pulls it out of his grip turning to face the woman.  
"Who are you? Why are you here? Get out." She stands up grabbing her bag that was by the sofa.  
"I'm so sorry, of course I will go. Sorry." She hesitate, glancing at Bobby who nods his head at her then she leaves walking around Zayn. 

Niall is shaking. Can still feel the effect of the drug rushing trough him but it's mixed with anger now. A white hot anger they makes him feel like his blood is going to come bursting out of his veins. 

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on? Or are you going to just stand there like some stupid arsehole! Why was there some woman in our house? In my mother's house!" He shoves his dad sending him stumbling back. Zayn steps forward pulling Niall back by his shoulder.  
"Stay calm, just stay calm."  
"Calm? You want me to be calm. Who the fuck is she? Why was she here? Who is she?!" Niall is crying now desperately trying to get out of Zayn's grip as he pulls him back towards the door. And his dad still just stands there, not even looking at Niall, not speaking a word. He is not even attempting some lie, not even trying to make this alright. And that's enough for Niall really. Enough for Niall to know that his dad has gone and started replacing his mum already.   
"Fuck you. Fuck you. I fucking hate you. You disgust me." Zayn finally gets him out of the house slamming the door shut behind them. 

Niall stumbles out to the road his stomach turning and his head spinning. He bends over and throws up, vomit splattering over his shoes and trousers legs. 

"Well fuck." He looks up at Zayn, wiping the sick from the corners of his mouth with his sleeve.  
Zayn shakes his head letting out a chuckle.  
"Well you know where to find when you need to forget about that shit show." Niall closes his eyes listening to Zayn's footseps getting further and further away. He shouldn't be surprised really, or be as hurt as he feels. Zayn is not his friend. He is not going to comfort him. He just wants to fuck him over.  
Everyone just wants to fuck him over.

He walks away from his house. His home that he would happily never step foot in again, and his dad who he never wanted to speak to again.   
He walks until he comes to a park where he falls down on a bench and cries until his body has had enough and he falls asleep with nothing but the darkness to comfort him. 

Niall is drunk.

Well maybe not drunk. Drunkish? Tipsy? One of them. He ended up sticking to his idea if coming to the party as a cat, clad in skin tight black jeans, a black button up and some pretty adorable cat ears that Macy had shoved on his head. He protested obviously, but he looked pretty hot in them so he left them on.

The party was in full swing now and Niall had no idea who anyone was. He was pretty sure that most of the people that where here were from collage. Pauls brother was in collage so it made sense. Liam and him had drank too many drinks that Macy had made and shoved towards them. They had danced and laughed and now they where laying outside, in the dark looking at stars. 

"Are they supposed to look like something?" Liam questions his arms spread out above his head, his legs hooked around Nialls.

"I think so. Like a frying pan maybe. Or a spoon, fuck if i know mate. Look like stars to me. Just rocks init." Liam rolls onto his side his hands almost hitting Niall in the face as he moves about.

"Macy is a star. All shiny and bright. I like kissing her."

"Aww." Niall pats Liam on the head tugging at his hair a little before letting go. "Kissing should be gross right? Like lips sloshing together and tongues poking at each other. Saliva and other peoples teeth." 

"Ya sure your doing it right?" Liam laughs loudly rolling onto his back.

"I hope so. Yeah. She gets proper wet for me." Niall makes a sound of disgust pushing Liams legs off so he can sit up.

"Liam I really don't need to know that. Gross man."  He really does not need that in his mind. He has to think of something else. Harry. Think of Harry. Harry kissing and Harry's face. 

"No, no, no, no, Niall. You're my best friend right? My brother, my best brother. I love you Niall, so we should be able to talk about this stuff." Niall looks down at Liam who is now pouting his hands clasped together over his chest.

"Is there somthing you wanted to talk about? Is this leading somewhere?" Liam starts trying to sit up but cant seem to use his hands very well. Niall chuckles grabbing his elbows and lifting him until he is upright.

"She wants to have sex but I said no because I want to wait. Is that stupid of me Niall? I said no to having sex with the girl of my dreams." He slumps back down to the ground again his head making a soft thud as it hits the grass. Niall sighs laying down on his stomach next to him. His lovely sensible Liam.

"It's not stupid, if you're not ready then don't do it. I don't understand these people who feel the rush to have sex anyway. It should be special and it wont be if you're not really ready for it Liam. Macy is cool anyway right, she didn't mind did she?" Liam shakes his head a smile creeping up on his face.

"No she was so cool about it. Said she respected that I was honest, let me touch her boobies." Niall laughs playfully slapping at Liam's face.

"Boobs are gross man. Don't talk to me about them, such weird things." 

"Talking of Boobs,I should go find Macy." Niall shakes his head as Liam stumbles to his feet. "You coming?" 

"Nah, its kinda nice out here and its clearing my head a little. I will come in and find you in a bit alright?" Liam salutes him before wobbling away. Niall chuckles looking back up at the stairs his head tilted right back. 

He is not sat by himself for long. The smell of ciggarete smoke wafts over him burning his nostrils. He coughs waving his hand in front of his face in an attempt to clear the air. 

"Alright Loser." He groans loudly at the voice standing up to his feet. 

"Why are you everywhere?" Zayn shrugs a stupid smile on his even more stupid face as he watches Niall brush grass off his trouser legs.

"Funny you coming as a Pussy when you're gay as fuck." Niall raises his eyebrow looking Zayn up and down. He was wearing his normal attire of ripped jeans and tank top but had splashed some fake blood over his chest and up his neck.

"So funny. Excuse me while I go laugh about that somewhere else." He goes to step passed Zayn but he is stopped when Zayn grabs his arms pulling him back.

"For Christ sake what? Do you have some more gay jokes to get out your system? Some about sucking cock maybe, or how about some about the fact that I really like dick up my arse? There are plenty to choose from." Zayn brings his cigarette back up to his lips taking a long drag.

"No then? Great I will be on my way." 

"I have something for you remember?" Niall rolls his eyes holding his hands up in a choking motion before turning back to face Zayn again.

"Well what is it?" Zayn throws whats left of his cigarette on the floor stomping on it with the toe of his show. 

"Do you know how Ecstasy got its name?" Niall doesn't answer, instead he just watches Zayn as he starts walking around Niall a small smile on his face. Niall really does not like where this could be going.

"Its called that because of how happy it makes people feel. Like genuinely happy. You are sad right Niall? Dead mummy, Daddy drinking away his days and a brother who really could not wait to leave you. That shit has got to hurt, it must float around in that head of yours all day on fucking repeat. God, even I feel sorry for you. And you probably have these moments where you think you are happy, you think that feeling in your chest is happiness and you really let yourself believe it. It's not though is it? Its too crushing to be happiness, to raw and painful. No matter how happy you look or let yourself believe its always there. Round and round in your head reminding you every second of every day about all the things that are going wrong in your life. Death, loneliness, abandoned, worthless." Zayns words stab at Niall. He feels exposed, no naked. Like Zayn has stripped him bare and can see everything underneath. He wants to turn and run but his feet stay rooted to the ground his eyes unblinking and staring ahead as Zayn slowly moves around him his eyes never leaving him as he talks.

"Do you remember what it is like to be truly happy? I bet it feels like a lifetime ago that your life was perfect. Coming home to your mum, dad and brother. House full of love and laughter. Whats it like now? Empty? Cold?"

"Shut the fuck up." Niall fist curl up tightly, his teeth clenching. Niall had been feeling better, he really had. It was not in his head. He had been breathing easier and he had not been feeling so angry all the time. And that was real, it had to be real. 

"Ah is this where that anger kicks in? Been struggling with that haven't you? I can help with that. And the sadness of course." He has been so sad hasn't he? Oh god, everything was so dark and miserable in his life. It would get better though. It had too. He had Liam and Harry, they where good things. Not everything was bad. Was it?

"Liam's got himself a girl now Niall, how long do you think it will be before she gets fed up with the sad little tag along? What do you think Liam will do when she makes him choose. The girl he has been pining over for most of his pointless life. Do you think he will choose you? Give up what could end up being a pretty perfect, white picket fence life for you?" Zayn walks up behind him until his chest his pressing into his back. 

Could Macy be getting fed up with him? There was no way Liam would turn his back on Niall though. Was there? No, its not even something he would consider. But then again he was going to be leaving soon, would he give up Macy who would be here with him to carry on life with? Would Niall be the easiest one to get rid off?

"I can solve all that." His lips brush Niall neck, his breath tickling at the skin. "Just one of these." He holds his hand up in front of Niall. A small, round pink pill resting on his middle finger. Nialls throat goes dry his head shaking as soon as he sees it.

"Happyness in a pill, what an amazing thing right? Just one of these and Liam can have the old Niall back for a few hours. He wont have to choose Niall. You will forget it all." Niall eyes flutter shut as Zayn run his nose up towards his ear, his bottom lip dragging on his skin.

"It's so simple. Just pop it into your mouth and you will forget all about your dad sitting at the pub like some pathetic piece of shit. You will forget about your mum dying right in front of you. You wont care about your brother. All that pain and bad feelings will just to. Just happy, happy thoughts. Eveything feels so bright and good. Everything sounds and taste better then you ever thought possible." His free hands tugs down the back of Niall collar, his lips moving down to place a small kiss there. Niall wants to shove him away, tell him how disgusting he is but he is frozen. His eyes once again open and staring down at the pill in front of him. 

"It really is experincing Ecstasy to the full extent. And its just as easy and popping it into your mouth and swallowing." It's like Niall's brain has switched off as Zayn raises his hand pressing the finger holding the pill to his lips.

He thinks of a few blissful hours of forgetting it all. No grief, no anger, no pain and no bad thoughts. Just good things. A good life. His lips part and he takes the pill in, his tounge brushing the skin of Zayns finger leaving a bitter taste in his mouth that he cant work out is Zayn himself or the pill.  He swollows it with ease feeling it slowly go down his throat. Zayn grips onto his waist his fingers digging in.

"Good boy. You're going to feel so good." He steps back then, the sudden loss of contact making Niall stumble and it's like he suddenly comes to his senses. Its like Zayn had managed to put him in a trance and he has been harshly ripped out of it. Oh god he just took a drug.

"Whats going to happen?" He touches his throat starting to panic. People die taking drugs all the time, and this is Zayn. He wouldn't think twice about giving Niall some dodgy drug cocktail that could stop his heart. 

"Give it some time and it will kick in. You can come thank me then." He goes to walk off, Niall following him grabbing at his top.

"No Zayn. I don't know what to do. People are going to know I have taken something. I might get in trouble, why the hell did you give me it!" Zayn grabs him roud the back of the neck dragging him away from the house.

"Will you shut the hell up. You're going to be fine, just act normal and let it kick in. It will just put you in an extra jolly mood. Trust me, you are going to want a lot more after this. Just let it fucking kick in. And don't drink to much alright."  He releases Niall shaking his head looking like he has been dealing with some annoying little kid.

"Why would you even want me to be happy?" Zayn shrugs walking backwards away from Niall.

"Its not fun trying to crush your spirit when your already doing that for yourself. You get yourself nice and happy on these and I will be there when you come down, and I will have so much fun making sure you come crashing down real fucking hard." Niall watches him walk away his heart slamming in his chest, he really hopes that's not a sign it's about to stop. 

He looks around to double check nobody has been watching before making his way into the house to try and find Liam. He cant tell Liam what just happen, he would freak out and tell Harry. He just wants to make sure he is with someone he can trust when the drug kicks in. 

Why the hell did he let himself take it?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The area feels a lot more crowded when Niall pushes his way back into the living room. Someone has switched another light off leaving only a few strobe lights moving around the room, the music has doubled in volume sending vibrations up Niall's legs as he shoves past people trying to spot Liam. 

It's loud, so loud, but he can still hear his own panicked breathing echoing in his ears making the music sound distorted. 

Someone grabs at his shoulder and he turns abruptly relived to see one of Macy close friends smiling at him.   
"Liam?" There is no chance of her hearing him but he exaggerates the word hoping she can read his lips well enough. She points up at the ceiling waggling her eyebrows about. 

Niall looks up, the white ceiling a mess of blues, red and greens as the lights move about.   
He starts pushing his way towards the stairs hoping Liam won't be pissed when he disturbes whatever the hell he has going on up there with Macy.

He stops at the bottom step.   
Maybe he shouldn't interrupt them.   
What if that would be the last straw for Macy. After spending so much time with Niall moping around them would she finally make Liam choose after he barges in in their privet time. 

Niall looks around. Doesn't see a single person he knows. Maybe he should head back home. Or to Harry.  
What would Harry say if he knew Niall had taken a drug?  
He didn't want to give Harry a reason to think he was some stupid child.   
Things had changed, he couldn't act like a child around him ever. 

He stepped backwards coming away from the stairs completely.   
How long would it even be before it kicked in?   
How would he react?  
Zayn had said it would make him happy.   
But like normal everyday happy? Or jump around like a drunk idiot happy?   
And how long would it last. Would he have to leave the party and go back to Liam's completely off his face?  
God, Liam and Harry where going to kill him. 

He stepped back again his back hitting into someone. He spun round his eyes wide and chest heaving to find Zayn smirking at him. He leaned forward until his lips touch Niall's ear.  
"It won't be long. Come with me." He takes Niall's hand and starts leading him into the middle of the room, people parting easily for him.   
Niall grips back and stays close behind him. Right now Zayn is the only one he feels safe with. Zayn will know if it's going wrong. If Niall's brain ends up bloody frying because of that stupid pill then Zayn will know what to do. He hopes. 

They stop right in the middle of the room below some cheesy disco ball someone has hung up.   
Zayn adjust the headband in Niall's head before pulling him in close by his waist so he can talk in his ear again.  
"Stop worrying. You didn't take it to worry. Just dance. You will know when it starts, it will all feel so good." Zayn keeps his head close to Niall's their cheeks brushing, his hand stayed on his waist as he started moving Niall with him.   
It really weird at first. Stood in the middle of a room that is to crowded, to loud. Zayn close enough to him that he is all Niall can feel and smell. He looks down at his arms, the dark skin looking even darker in the lights. His eyes trail down his tattoos on his arm until he can't see them anymore because the rest are on the part of his arm that is tucked around the back of Niall. 

It feels weird, but then it doesn't.   
Niall's head falls back and he thinks although he can't be sure, that Zayn's lips move over the skin that is now exposed.   
Niall's panic slowly fades away until all he can really feel is the music washing over him and Zayn's soft touch on his back. He laughs bringing his head back up until his nose bumps into Zayn who is smiling back. It's the first genuine smile Niall has seen on him before and its actually really nice. 

The lights look so pretty and Niall raises his arms in the air, tries to catch them in his hand. 

Dancing feels so good too. The way Zayn's hips press into his and move so well with him. 

He wishes Liam was down here. Wishes Liam could feel this amazing atmosphere in the room. God he loves Liam so much, wants him here so they can dance and laugh. 

He is not sure how long him and Zayn dance for. But they are both dripping with sweat, Niall wrapped around Zayn as the move together.   
"You feeling good?" He gasps when Zayn's breath brushes over his skin causing goosebumps to pop up.   
"So good." He buries his face into Zayn's neck, can feel the layer of sweat on him with his nose. It's gross really but it just makes Niall laugh.   
"Our little secret yeah?" Niall nods licking at his dry lips. People keep offering him drinks but Zayn keeps pushing them away, keeps reminding Niall not to drink. Says it's safer to stay away from drink after taking Ecstasy, at least he knows Zayn is not trying to kill him. 

Liam still has not come down, not that Niall has really been keeping an eye on the stairs. He is sure that Liam would have spotted him whilst walking down the stairs though and would be over here like a shot if he saw him with Zayn. 

"I should go home." Niall really should go see his dad. It's been so long and he really loves his dad. And his house. His home.   
He moved away from Zayn who follows him closely as he walks towards the front doors.  
He feels light as he moves the fresh air feeling so good in his skin.  
He almost forgot how amazing it is to be truly happy. Because that is what he feels. He is happy. He is alive and he has Liam who is just so fucking brilliant, and Harry who is funny and sexy and Niall gets to kiss him, and his dad. He hasn't been fair to his dad. He should go see him right now so he can tell him he loves him and that they are ok. They will be ok. Life is good, what do they have to be sad about anymore? How blessed are they to be alive and well. 

"Where you going?" Oh yeah, Zayn is still here.  
"To see my dad. I haven't seen him all week did you know? Feel really rotten about it now so just going to see him, give him a hug." Zayn stays silent after that and just follows Niall as he walks home. Niall has no idea why Zayn would want to follow him but doesn't really dwel in it. He is being nice and that makes a rather good change. 

He starts walking faster when he sees his house, leaving Zayn behind a little as he jogs up the path and opens the front door. 

He takes five steps into the house before he realizes that his dad is with a woman.   
He stops and stares at them both, vaguely aware of Zayn standing in the doorway. Bobby jumps up of the sofa, the woman stays seated dropping her head into her hands.

"Who the fuck is she?" Bobby walks closer to Niall, his hands raised like Niall is an rabid animal he is trying to calm down.  
"What you doing home? It's Friday night." Niall blinks back at him, his face blank.  
"Who the fuck is she?" Zayn grabs his arm but Niall pulls it out of his grip turning to face the woman.  
"Who are you? Why are you here? Get out." She stands up grabbing her bag that was by the sofa.  
"I'm so sorry, of course I will go. Sorry." She hesitate, glancing at Bobby who nods his head at her then she leaves walking around Zayn. 

Niall is shaking. Can still feel the effect of the drug rushing trough him but it's mixed with anger now. A white hot anger they makes him feel like his blood is going to come bursting out of his veins. 

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on? Or are you going to just stand there like some stupid arsehole! Why was there some woman in our house? In my mother's house!" He shoves his dad sending him stumbling back. Zayn steps forward pulling Niall back by his shoulder.  
"Stay calm, just stay calm."  
"Calm? You want me to be calm. Who the fuck is she? Why was she here? Who is she?!" Niall is crying now desperately trying to get out of Zayn's grip as he pulls him back towards the door. And his dad still just stands there, not even looking at Niall, not speaking a word. He is not even attempting some lie, not even trying to make this alright. And that's enough for Niall really. Enough for Niall to know that his dad has gone and started replacing his mum already.   
"Fuck you. Fuck you. I fucking hate you. You disgust me." Zayn finally gets him out of the house slamming the door shut behind them. 

Niall stumbles out to the road his stomach turning and his head spinning. He bends over and throws up, vomit splattering over his shoes and trousers legs. 

"Well fuck." He looks up at Zayn, wiping the sick from the corners of his mouth with his sleeve.  
Zayn shakes his head letting out a chuckle.  
"Well you know where to find when you need to forget about that shit show." Niall closes his eyes listening to Zayn's footsteps getting further and further away. He shouldn't be surprised really, or be as hurt as he feels. Zayn is not his friend. He is not going to comfort him. He just wants to fuck him over.  
Everyone just wants to fuck him over.

He walks away from his house. His home that he would happily never step foot in again, and his dad who he never wanted to speak to again.   
He walks until he comes to a park where he falls down on a bench and cries until his body has had enough and he falls asleep with nothing but the darkness to comfort him.


	17. Chapter 17

Niall wakes up cold, his back and neck sore and stiff as he pushes himself to sit up. His vision blurs and everything around him shifts his body heaving before vomit is shooting up his throat and spilling out his mouth. He is still half asleep barely aware of where he is or what is happening as he gags and splutters.   
His head is pounding, a loud thud, thud that echoes around his head pushing at his brain.   
Last night comes back in flashes.  
Getting ready with Liam.  
Harry pulling him to the side and kissing him.  
Paul's house.  
Dancing.  
Drinking.  
Zayn.  
Pills.  
His dad. 

It stabs at Niall's chest. The thought of his dad so easily finding someone else. Of that person sitting in his mum's house, on her sofa, drinking from her cups, with her husband. 

His vision starts to clear and he coughs trying to rid himself of the horrible feeling scratching at his throat.   
He needs water, needs to get up and leave.  
His phone has managed to stay in his pocket all night and with shaking hands he unlocks it.

15 messages and more missed calls and voicemails then he would like to face.   
He dials his voicemail slowly putting his phone to his ear his eyes blinking shut, the sun suddenly too much for them.

The first few are from Liam.

Hey mate, we need to go soon but I can't find you. I will wait by the door alright.

Hi, it's been like twenty minutes and I still can't find you. Check your phone idiot.

Niall I'm getting worried now. It's been more then a hour where are you?

Jesus Christ Niall answer your bloody phone! I have called dad up and he is coming over to help look for you. 

I'm getting scared now. Everyone has left and your not here. Just look at your phone please. Please be ok. 

The next lot are from Harry.

Love. Love where are you? I'm really worried right now. I can't...I have looked everywhere Niall. Please be safe.

Someone said they saw you leave the party with someone. Listen if you went back home with someone we won't be angry. I won't be angry. Just call or send a text so we know you're safe. 

It's like 3am now. Liam and Macy are still out looking for you with Louis. Should I be calling the police Niall? If your listening to these and you don't want me to do that then just call me back. I just want to know you're alright. Want you here Niall so I can feel you and know you're alright. 

I just spoke to Bobby. Fuck Niall. Come back to me. Let me help you with this. Where are you?" 

Niall wipes at his eyes. He felt so bad for making them all worry so much.   
He listens to the last voicemail from Liam before standing up, white pain shooting trough he head and his body so weak and sore he barely manages to put one foot in front of the other. 

Niall, Niall please be ok. Please don't be fucking dead or something. Dad said he spoke to Bobby and that you went home at some point then left again. I didn't tell dad Ni, but Macy friends, they saw you leave with Zayn. Please. Please don't be hurt somewhere. I love you.

He goes home first. Knows what he needs to do.  
He lets himself in quietly, his dad asleep on the sofa facing the door. Like he had been waiting for Niall to come back.   
He hadn't called or text him once though. Didn't care enough to worry he might have been hurt. 

He runs up the stairs and into his room dragging his suitcase out from under his bed.  
It's getting heavy now with all the stuff he has packed all ready for when he leaves. He grabs only things he really needs. A couple of school uniforms, phone charger, notebooks and his toiletries. He zips his suitcase up then grabs his school bag throwing it over his shoulder before picking his suitcase up and leaving his room.

His dad is awake when he gets downstairs, stood by the door now like he already knew Niall would be leaving.  
"Move." Nialls voice sounds rough, raw. He is so dry and taste like sick but he will get a drink and sort himself out when he is at Liam's.   
"Let's just talk. I need to explain." Niall shakes his head holding his suitcase closer to him.  
"No. You don't get to explain. There is no explanation you can come up with that will make this better. Must be nice to be able to just move on like mum didn't matter. Or was she always about? Has mum dying made it possible for you to finally be with her?" Hurt flashes across Bobby's face.  
"Of course not. Your mother is the love of my life and I miss her every second of every miserable day. But I am lonely Niall, I need.."  
"Just stop talking. Of course you're lonely, your wife just died you're supposed to be lonely! You're not supposed to just replace her!"  
"I haven't replaced her! It's impossible to. I meet with Lisa for company sometimes. Just to talk nothing else." Niall scoffs pushing Bobby to the side.

"I'm not stupid. I know what you where doing when I walked in. I'm going to stay with Liam from now on. I don't want to see or hear from you anymore. Maybe when I get back in a year I will be able to look at you again." 

"Niall please!" Niall shakes his head again leaving the house and slamming the door in his dad's face. 

XXX   
He is faced with Louis when he first let's himself into Liam's.

His head snaps up to look at him, his hand clutching at his chest and his shoulders sagging.  
"Oh thank god. Christ Niall. Harry!" Harry comes in from the kitchen. Niall can see the stress and worry on his face straight away. His long hair is loose but stuck up in all directions where he has obviously been pulling and tugging and the strands all night. His skin is pale except for the area under his eyes that's dark with lack of sleep. He is still in the same clothes from yesterday, all creased and rumbled. He has never seen Harry look so... Not together before .

"Niall." His voice breaks and wobbles as he strides across the room. Niall drops his bags falling into Harry's arms a loud sob being ripped from him. 

It's just too much. Everything is too much all the time. How can his dad just be with someone else. How can he invite someone into the house he shared with his wife and children. Is that how he had been spending every Friday night since his mum died? Is that who he has been with while Niall has been alone. 

Harry thumbs rub at Niall's tears, his large hands easily cupping at his face.   
He is crying too, the green in his eyes shining with tears.  
"I was so worried. Don't do that again, just come straight to me baby." Niall wraps his arms around Harry wrist as their lips touch. Niall feels himself relax some of the tension leaving him as Harry slowly kisses his lips. He must taste gross, and smell even worse but he let Harry kiss him, lets him lick into his mouth because he needs it and he thinks Harry does too. 

Louis clears his throat making the pair pull apart.  
"I will call Liam, let him know he can stop looking." He left the room, Niall couldn't work out if he wanted to give them privacy or if he felt awkward seeing the pair kiss.   
"Where did you go? I was so scared something had happened to you. That someone hurt you." His hands where all over Niall. Stroking his face then moving down to his shoulders and over his back like he was still not sure Niall was in front of him. 

"I'm sorry for worrying you all." Harry shook his head pulling him in for a hug.  
"Your back now that's all that I care about." Louis walks back into the room, phone in hand.  
"I spoke to Liam. He said to tell you he is going to kill you when he gets home Niall. I managed to convince him to crash for a bit so he might be at Macy's for a few hours. I will leave you two to it, I'm glad you're ok Niall. You scared the shit out of us kid." Niall smiled his thanks to Louis watching him put on his shoes and leave calling a goodbye over his shoulder.

"Would you like me to run you a bath? Your incredible beautiful but you smell, and your still half cat." Niall laughs softly leaning into Harry more as he flicks at the cat ears that somehow managed to stay on his head, Niall had forgot they where even there.  
"Yes please." Harry picks up his bags, doesn't question them as he takes them up and places them in Liam's room. 

Niall sits on liams bed as Harry goes into the bathroom. Niall can't wait to clean of the dried sweet and grime from his skin.  
He gets his phone out sending a quick text to Liam to say sorry and that he loves him before throwing it towards the end of the bed. Harry comes back in with a glass of water that Niall accepts gratefully gulping it down in just a few sips.   
"Baths ready, come on." Niall places the empty glass down, taking Harry's hand letting himself be lead into the bathroom.  
"Brush your teeth first." The bath is full of steaming bubbly water that Niall is itching to get into but he forced his feet to move over to the sink where Harry has already set him up s toothpaste.

He scowls at his reflection. His skin is a horrible yellow colour mixed with smudges of black and pink from the cat face Macy and drawn on him. His hair was all over the place clumped together by sweat and a little dirt from laying on the bench. He removes the headband with one hand the other lazily brushing his teeth, it feels good to finally get rid of the stale vomit taste. 

Harry comes up behind him when he has spat the last of the toothpaste out and rinsed his mouth.   
Niall feels numb as he lets Harry remove his shirt, his hand roaming over his bare chest and his lips leaving small kisses over his skin.  
He wonders if this is part of the pill he took. Is this him coming down from his high still? He didn't know how long it took, but he had heard before his people can get in a really low mood. Is that what made them crave more? 

Harry tilts Niall's head back so he can slot their lips together again. Niall relaxes against Harry's chest, let's him take the full weight of him as he kisses him, his hands working on the button of his jeans.   
He pushes them down dropping to his knees to he can help Niall slip off his shoes and step out of the tight material.   
He kisses up Niall's back as he slowly stands again, his finger tips trailing up his side's making Niall shiver.   
"Do you want me to leave?" He makes eye contact with Niall in the mirror. He looks sad, probably doesn't know what to do or say to make this better for Niall. He probably doesn't know that simply being here kissing and touching him is enough for now.   
"No." Niall hooks his fingers into his boxers pushing them down before kicking then to the side with the rest of his clothes.

Harry keeps his eyes above Niall's waist as he walks him over to the bathtub and helps him step in, but there is a redness to his cheeks that was not there before. 

Niall let's out a deep sigh as he sinks into the water, his whole body feeling boneless as he relaxed with his head titled back. 

Harry starts cleaning at his face and neck with a sponge until his face is clear again, then moved on to carefully pouring water over his hair. 

"What did dad tell you?" Harry's hand stops for a second before starting back up again gently rubbing trough Niall's blonde locks.

"That you had come home when he was not expecting you." He clears his throat his hand coming to rest on Niall's chest under the water. "Said he had a friend over. A woman friend." Niall laughs turning his head towards Harry.   
"A friend, yeah right. She is not just a friend. He said he needs company. It's just a load of shit, so messed up." Harry's fingers start running over his chest trying to keep him calm and relaxed.  
"I'm sorry you had to walk in on that, it must have been hard. Where did you go after?" Niall moves his hand up to link his fingers with Harry's, water sloshing around him as he moved.   
"Just walked. Ended up at a park and fell asleep on a bench there." Harry frowned resting his chin in the side of the bath.  
"That was so dangerous love. Anything could have happened to you out on your own all night, makes me sick just thinking about it."  
"I'm sorry. I was just shocked and angry and just not really in the right state of mind to make good choices." Niall sits up, water dripping from his chest and the bottom off his hair as he maneuvers  himself so his head is resting next to Harry's.   
"It's just...how has he started replacing her so soon? How does he feel like it's ok to have this woman at home with him. What if I didn't come home Harry? What if she has been there before, in my mum's bed?" Harry shushes him covering his face in kisses.  
"Don't think about it. She won't replace your mum, your dad will never find someone to fill that hole. For all we know they could just be friends and it helps him to talk to her. It might not be what you think." But Niall knows it is. Can just feel that she is something more to his dad. Lisa, that's what is dad had called her. Would it be Lisa and Bobby now? When not long ago is was Maureen and Bobby. He could tell by the way his dad looked at him that she wasn't just a friend.   
When had she even come into the picture. He hardly saw his dad anymore so he wouldn't have any clue as to when they could have met. Was he having an affair when his mum was still alive?  
Had he gone out to find a replacement as soon as he knew he was losing her?

"How long did it takes for you to move on after Rebecca died." Harry let out a  puff of air his lips vibrating with the movement making the corner of Niall's mouth lift up. 

"I didn't. I won't. She will always be my wife and I will always be in love with her because I didn't fall out of love with her you know? She died, she was taken from me. So yeah, I will never get over her. But I guess after about two years I felt like it would be alright to let someone else in if it felt right." That, that is how a mourning husband should be. He shouldn't want someone else to fill that gap in life. They should only want the person who is missing. No matter how lonely they are.

"It hasn't been very long since she died." Harry looked sad, torn between wanting to curse Bobby out but also keep Niall calm.  
"No it hasn't." Harry washes Niall's hair tipping water over his head until it was squeaking clean once again.   
They talk in whispers, Niall's eyes closed as Harry runs his hands over Niall's skin, all the way down to the bottom of his stomach stopping only when Niall's breath catches, then slowly sliding back up again. He repeats this as they talk and Niall can feel himself returning back to himself more. And he thinks maybe it was the drug because while he still feels his usually sadness the numbness had gone. The smiles he sends Harry felt real and Harry could see his blue eyes brightening up. 

"Dad!" The front door open and slammed closed as Liam arrived home. Harry kissed Niall on the forehead then slides out of the bathroom leaving him to get out of the now cold bath and get dressed in some off Liam's clothes. 

When he made his way downstairs Liam was wrapped around him as soon as he reached the bottom of the stairs.   
"Are you ok? You're ok yeah? You absolutely dickhead." Niall hugs him back tightly, his face going into his neck and he feels like he could cry again. His chin wobbles so his tucks in into Liam shoulder and breaths him in.  
"I will he alright. I'm not going back Liam. I can't see him again." Liam nods his fingers squeezing at Niall's side.  
"You don't have to." He leans back to kiss Niall's cheeks. Harry appears behind Liam a sad smile on his face as he watches the pair.  
"You don't have to go anywhere Niall. We've got you." Liam kisses him again, resting his forehead against the side of his head. Niall keeps his eyes on Harry, hugs Liam that little tighter to stop himself from moving out of his grasp to go to Harry instead.  
"We've got you."


	18. Chapter 18

Niall is sat crossed legged on Liam's bedroom floor, his suitcase open in front of him as he sorts through his travel guides. He still hasn't really got a plan for where he is going after new York, or even how long he will stay in New York for so he was trying to make it a habit to come spend a few minutes flicking through the books to see if he can formulate some kind of plan in his head.

The only problem is that he wants to see every part of the world he possible can but he only has a year and he wants to spend a good amount of time in each place. He wants to soak up as much of the culture as he can and experience what day to day life is like in some of these beautiful places in the world.   
So he had to make a list of the most important places and once they are done see what else he can squeeze in before collage starts up for him.

Liam is across the other side of the room styling his hair in the full length mirror, every now and then his eyes will dart across to look at Niall hunched over with a look of concentration on his face as he flicks the pages, pausing every now and then to scribble something down in the notebook sat by his knee.

"You sure you OK with me being out with Macy all day?" Niall hums looking up from his books.  
"What? Yeah of course. I don't need babysitting Li, go wine and dine your lady to your heart's content. Were are you taking her?" Liam walks over to his bed picking up the grey jumper he had thrown there before getting into the shower.   
"That Italian place by the bank." Niall nods rather impressed with Liam's choice.  
"That's pretty flashy. Proper romantic, you must have saved up for that." Liam pulls his jumper over his head mindful of his hair and hopeful that Niall doesn't notice the blush on his face. He does of course.  
"Well she is special, I'm taking her for ice cream after then a walk. Going to try and get back for sixish." Niall gives him a thumbs up grinning as he leans down to kiss Niall's forehead.  
"Call me if you need me."  
"I would never. Enjoy your date lover boy." Liam ruffles Niall's hair then leaves the room blowing him a kiss as he turns the corner.   
Niall chuckles to himself turning his attention back to his travels.  
Rome. Rome was without a doubt on the list.   
He scribbles Rome down before listing places and things he wanted to do whilst there.   
Australia too, he really wanted to see the beaches there.   
And Grease, god did Grease look beautiful.

"Look at you, all alone. No Liam in the house." Niall startles a little but smiles as he hears Harry's footsteps come into the room. He stays bent down scribbling into his notebook, his book balanced on his lap.  
"Lucky me right, if only I had a good looking man to help me pass the time. Oh well. At least I have me books." He can feel Harry stood right behind his back, his knees pressing ever so gentle into the back of his head.

"Hmm that is a shame. Someone as pretty as you should always have a good looking man about." Niall giggles snapping his book shut.  
"Well maybe you should help with that." Harry nudges Niall with his feet before stepping back.  
"Maybe I will if you leave my son's room so I don't feel incredibly weird." Niall huffs like getting up is such a hardship. The second he steps out the room Harry has him against the wall smashing their lips together. Niall moan is muffled, his arms wrapping around Harry head his lips parting to let Harry tongue slip past.

Harry pulls him away from the wall not breaking the kiss as he walks him backwards towards his room, his head bent down as they stumble down the hallway.

The door opens with a bang, Niall's hands moving down to pull at Harry top whimpering as he starts to harden in his trousers.

"So pretty. Beautiful." Niall falls backwards onto the bed Harry quick to climb on top of him and start kissing at his neck. Gentle soft kisses that won't leave a mark like he wished he could. Marks that would be like a warning to other people to stay away and not touch Niall even though he didn't really belong to Harry.

Harry's fingers move to the bottom of Niall's shirt and he lets out a nervous laugh his head titling back to see Harry better.  
"You not going to buy me dinner first?" He meant it as a joke, trying to calm his own nerves about finally being alone with Harry when they know Liam won't be back any time soon, the first time they could actually do more then kiss and rock against each other like teenagers.   
Harry freezes though, before slowly moving his hand away from his top the material falling back down to cover the small part of his stomach that had been exposed.  
"I'm sorry Niall, I forgot that your...I can stop. Shit I'm sorry, fuck." Niall's heart drops as Harry starts to climb off him. He pushes himself up grabbing Harry's wrist to stop him from moving any further.  
"It's fine, I was joking. I was enjoying myself, I'm comfortable with you. Just cause I'm a virgin doesn't mean I don't want to do stuff with you." Harry shakes his head stroking the side of Niall's face with his hand.  
"It's not that you're a virgin love. It's that you're so young and this is so new to you so I need to take it slow. I need to talk before I act. So what would you like to do? Cuddle? Kiss? A movie? I can actually cook us some food if you want." Niall laughs leaning up to peck Harry's lips.

"I really, really don't want a movie or food. We don't get to be alone much so if you don't make me come anytime soon then we have really wasted the day don't you think?" Harry groans gripping at the sheets beside Niall's waist.  
"Jesus. Will never get used to hearing you talk like that." Harry climbs back on top of Niall nudging his thighs apart with his knees so he can lower himself down between them. Niall gasps at the weight of Harry on him their fingers linking together, Harry sliding their hands up until they are above Niall's head.

"What do you want me to do?" Niall swallows closing his eyes as he takes deep breaths. He wants this, like really bloody badly. He was still nervous though. Nothing he had done before had felt this intimate before. He was turned on beyond belief, his breath catching in his throat. His body felt like it was shaking, so its probably was and his toes were already curling and digging into the mattress beneath him.   
"I don't know." He takes in another gulp of air forcing his eyes to open again to find Harry looking right back down at him green eyes wide and blown. "What...what do you want to do?" Harry leans down to kiss his cheek then his nose before leaving one last kiss between his eyebrows.   
"Been thinking a lot about touching you, tasting you. Having you in my mouth." Niall tightens his grip on Harry's hand his stomach twisting with arousal his cock getting impossible harder straining against his jeans.   
"Yeah that one. The last one. Fuck, want your mouth." Harry keeps littering his face with kisses slowly moving down to his neck nibbling at his jaw before removing his lips from Niall completely his hand running over the bottom of his stomach making Niall jolt.  
"It's OK. I'm going to go slow alright. Just say if it get to much." Niall nods gripping onto the pillow above his head as Harry started work on opening the button on his jeans before unzipping them.   
What if Harry doesn't like the way he looks? What if he does not taste good? What if he comes as soon as his lips touch? Oh god he had the plumpest most amazing looking lips, he was going to come as soon as he got him in his mouth wasn't he?   
"Niall love." Harry taps Niall's side bringing him out of his head. He looks down letting out a moan at the sight of Harry between his legs, his jeans unzipped and pulled down slightly reveling his white boxers.   
"Calm down love, would you like me to stop?" Niall shakes his head frantically.   
"You worried about it?" Niall shakes his head again then nods it once. Harry smiles nudging his stomach with his nose.  
"What about? I already know you're a good size, I have felt this bad boy pressing against me enough times to know that." He runs his hand over Niall's bulge. Niall moaned his back arching and his legs falling further apart.   
"Can't wait to taste it baby. Want to taste you so bad. Don't worry about anything, I already think you're perfect." He slowly moved Niall's jeans and boxers down as he talks.   
"Nothing can go wrong because it's you and me. You want to tell me what your worried about so I can help." Niall watches with his lips parted as his erection is released Harry's eyes following it.   
"So perfect Niall." Niall sighed looking back up at the ceiling to stop himself from coming all over Harry face before he has even done anything.  
"It's just..what If, I might come quick."   
"I would expect so for your first time. This is your first time right?" Niall nods his confirmation.  
"OK then. I came in seconds my first time. Everyone does, just relax and enjoy it." Niall takes a deep breath and makes himself relax into the bed trying his hardest to not freak out when he feels Harry's breath on his tip.

"Oh my fuck." Harry takes the tip in swirling his tongue around before taking him all the way in.  
"Shit Harry." Niall's hands fly down to grab at Harry's hair tugging and earning him a moan from Harry that vibrates around his cock. He sits up a little then, let's himself watch Harry as he bobs his head taking Niall all the way down until he hits the back of his throat then slowly pulls back up again his tongue never stops moving tasting every inch of him.

His cheeks hollow out and Niall can't help but reach down and feel himself in Harry mouth.  
"Oh my god." It so warm and wet and tight. How is a mouth so bloody tight? He gasps out a chocked moan every time Harry deep throats him his hips thrusting up on there own but Harry doesn't seem to mind, seems to enjoy when Niall suddenly slams into his throat a little too hard.   
He can see Harry's hip grinding into the mattress and it makes it so much hotter knowing he is getting off on pleasuring Niall, makes Niall feel that little bit hotter.   
"Harry, so close." His stomach is starting to tighten, the familiar warmth that Niall's loves is pooling there but its so much more intense then when he is giving himself an orgasm. He is barely aware of what is is doing. Doesn't realise that he still has one hand tangled tightly in Harry's hair and the other gripped so tightly into the sheets that he has pulled them away from the mattress all together while his hips keep slamming up fucking his cock into Harry's mouth harder and deeper.   
All he is managing to be aware off his how Harry mouth feels like fucking velvet. Tight warm velvet all over his cock. And how hot it is, how he can hardly breathe because he is so hot and sweaty and it all just feels to good.  
"Harry, Harry I'm going to come." Harry might make a noise then but Niall is not sure because all he can hear is his blood rushing in his ears then all he can feel his Harry mouth then suddenly Harry's finger pushing against the rim of his hole. Niall comes with a broken sob his head turning to the side and burying into the pillow as he keeps letting out sob after sob his come filling up Harry's mouth who manages to swallow it eagerly only letting a few drops dribble from his lips.

Niall is literally seeing stars as Harry pulls off licking at any stray come as he goes making sure Niall is clean before pulling his jeans back up.   
"Hey, you still with me?" Niall turns his head, tries to focus on Harry as he flops on to the bed next to him his hands caressing his face and moving trough his hair.  
"Died." Harry laughs burying his face into Niall's neck kissing at the skin there and Niall's whole body is so sensitive from coming so hard that all he can do is flinch at the feeling of Harry's lips on him.  
"You tasted so good baby." Niall moans rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand.  
"I wasn't expecting the." He raises his finger in the air Harry raising his own hand to wrap around it.  
"Was it OK? Just wanted to make it as good as possible for you." Niall laughs turning on his side to sling a leg over Harry waist.  
"Good? Was it good? Did you miss the part where I said I died? Jesus Harry. You're a dad you are not supposed to be that good."   
"Heyyy, does that mean you where expecting crap experiences from me." Niall doesn't need to see Harry's face to know he is pouting and it so unbelievably cute that he has to kiss him really. He taste bitter and it takes a few seconds for Niall's brain to catch up and realise he is tasting his own come. That should be gross but kissing Harry feels so good that he will take any taste to have his kisses.   
"Do you need me to do you?" Harry pulls Niall closer to him.   
"You're a rag doll right now love I doubt you could even if I needed you too, which I don't. I came just before you did." OK, whoa. Harry must really enjoy giving blow jobs. Who knew.   
"You feel OK love? Don't regret it?"   
"Oh god no. Fuck it was like the best feeling ever. Feel wiped out now though so can we watch that movie now." Harry kisses Niall's cheek and he can feel his smile making his own appear.  
"Of course we can." Harry gives Niall a few more minutes to recover then pulls him to his feet telling him to go wait downstairs while he changed his bottoms. Niall goes after one more kiss pausing in Liam's doorway to look at the suitcase on the floor.   
The closer he got to leaving the harder he felt it was going to be.   
He walked in closing the case and shoving it back into Liam's wardrobe before going downstairs to put the kettle on and pick out a film. He would face the upset of leaving people behind for so long when it came to it.

Xxxxxx

After they had watched two films, drank to much tea and eaten their body weight in Nachos Louis turned up his glasses hanging out of his mouth and a stack of papers in his hand.   
"If you don't help me mark theses I will actually quite my job." Harry takes half the pile off Louis before turning back to Niall an apologetic look in his face.  
"do you mind babe?" Niall shrugs turning the TV off with the remote.  
"of course not. I could actually go for some fresh air right now so might just head out for a walk while you do your thing." Niall takes their mugs and dirty plates to the kitchen Louis and Harry following to dump the load of papers in the table, Louis dramatically flopping down on the table while Harry comes up behind Niall to wrap his arms around his waist as he loads the dishwasher.   
"You don't have to leave you know. You could help if you wanted. Get a sneak peak at want you could be doing in the future." Niall swats him away as he starts kissing the back of his neck spinning around in his arms.  
"I'm alright. I really do fancy going for a walk. Maybe I can grab you guys something to nibble on."   
"Cake. Lots of cake " Harry rolls his eyes at Louis before pulling Niall in to a kiss.  
"Enjoy your walk."  
"Enjoy your forced labour." Harry cackles as Niall leaves the room only just missing the pen that was thrown towards his head.

"Seeing the both of you all kissy and mushy will be something I will never get used to." Louis mutters once he hears the front door slam shut. Harry takes the first essay off the pile and takes the marking guide from Louis so he can be sure he gives out the correct grade. He is pretty sure Louis has trained him up enough to be his personal assistant on all things collage professor but he likes to make sure.   
"I suppose you won't." Louis starts marking from his own pile his eyes darting up to Harry every now and then.  
"So Liam been gone most the day then?" Harry scribbles a B on his paper before throwing it to the side.  
"Yeah, took Macy out for a date. She is really sweet you know. I hope they last " Louis nods biting down on the end of his pen, that he had to go fetch for himself after he threw it because Harry refused.   
"You and Niall enjoy that then? Having the house to yourselves." Harry looks up his pen frozen halfway through making a comment about incorrect spelling.   
"What you getting at?" Louis shrugs.  
"Just be careful OK. It's a risky thing you are doing. And I know Niall is a really good kid but he is messed up right now. With his mum and then his dad being a dick. Just be careful." Harry frowns trying to work out what Louis was trying to get at.  
"You think this is happening because he has daddy issues? Because if you do then that's a load of crap." Louis shrugs again.  
"Not going to fight with you about it Haz. Time will tell right? Just be careful with how you handle him." Harry is left feeling unsettled after that. Obviously Niall is going through a hard time right now but he is sure Niall is one hundred percent sure about what he is doing with Harry. This isn't some coping mechanism. He isn't hooking up with Harry to replace what he is missing from his parents. There is no way. Niall doesn't work like that. Does he?

Xxxxxx

Niall left the graveyard after spending the past hour sat with his mum, turning left deciding he would walk back home instead of hoping on a bus.   
He had been walking for about twenty minutes when he heard all the shouting and commotion coming from a small house tucked behind a Chinese restaurant. He hunched his shoulders bringing his jumper tighter around himself as he sped up his walk.

The door to the house slammed open just as Niall passed and of course, of course, Zayn came barreling out closely followed by a woman who was shouting abuse at him as he walked away. Niall couldn't help but stop and watched because this woman who he guessed to be Zayn's mother really didn't look the type to be screaming at her son in public. She looked more the type to be walking to the tube station, suitcase clutched to her side ion her way to some boring but important office job. She was wearing a plum coloured suit and her dark hair was perfectly pinned up on the top her head but her face was twisted into an ugly grimace as she called Zayn every name under the sun.

When Zayn passes Niall he grabbed at his arm shoving him forward until he was walking with him not letting go until they could not longer hear the shouting.  
"You don't say a word, your home life is not any better." Niall blinked at him before nodding. They continued to walk in silence and Niall's not really sure if they are just walking in the same direction or if they are walking together on purpose.   
He finds himself feeling sorry for Zayn, and he really shouldn't. He shouldn't feel bad for someone who has done everything he can to bully and push him around for the past three years. But he knows what it's like to have a shit home life and he imagines Zayn's situation has been shitter then his for a lot longer too.

Zayn stops when they are away from people resting against the wall as he rummages in his pocket. Niall stops too, isn't really sure why. He should just keep walking and go back home to Harry to see if he can sneak a few more snogs in before Liam gets home.   
He should not be moving to lean next to Zayn as he lights up a cigarette his head turned to face Niall.   
"You survived the night then?" Niall sighs kicking the heel of his shoes against the wall. Another reason he should not be stood here next to Zayn. He helped him get off his face then left him alone.   
"You want more? Is that why you're hovering? Because I don't have any on me right now, will in a couple of hours." Niall looks around, his eyebrows furrowed together as he watches a bird fly down and land a few feet away to pick at some abandoned food.  
"No thanks. It's not...that won't happen again." Zayn scoffed taking another long drag from his cigarette, the smoke blowing over Niall's face when he exhaled making his eyes water slightly.

"Felt good though right? At the time. Worth the come down don't you think."  
"I'm not to sure about that." Zayn cocks his head to the side raising his left leg up to place his foot against the wall.  
"Happiest I have seen you for a while. Definitely should let me hook you up at the next party at least." Niall hates, hates, that there is a part of him that wants to take Zayn up on his offer. That really wants to just dance and forget about his dad and feel light and normal again. He was lucky nobody found out what he done last time. Would he be able to do it a second time without Liam or Harry finding out.  
Would he really he stupid enough to let himself do it again? He really hoped not.  
Just a few more weeks then his exams will be over and he will be off exploring the world. That will give him more happiness then a pill. Real happiness that doesn't fade away after a few hours.

He pushes away from the wall and starts to walk away from Zayn without a word.  
"See ya at school mate. I will keep some in my pocket with your name on them yeah?" Niall pauses let's out a huff before ever so slightly moving in his head in a nod. He can feel Zayn's smirk burning into the back of his head and he goes.


	19. Chapter 19

Niall could probably write about Harry for days.

Fill page after page with words to describe each and every part of him.  
Book after book could be filled with scribbles about the way Harry makes him feel, the way his body reacts to even the simplest touch.  
His hair. His eyes. His mouth. His skin. His smile. His hands. Even his clumsy massive feet. God and the way his mouth felt wrapped around his dick. The way his voice sounds when he is telling Niall a story or a random fact or a really bad joke. The way he walks towards Niall like a eager toddler all grabby hands and smiles. The way he takes care of the people around him. His laugh, the really loud belly tickling laugh that makes his head fall backwards and his nose scrunch up. How a moan sounds traveling out of his plump lips. How he tastes. The way he pulls at his lips or chews his finger when he is thinking or feeling a little shy.   
He hasn't seen his dick yet but he is pretty sure he is going to want to write about that when he does.   
For now he will just write about how it had felt pressed against his own.  
So many things that Niall just had to sit and write down. Beautiful poems and little stories. He is pretty sure Harry is even going to wiggle his way into his one and only novel at some point. 

Niall is good with words. Can paint Harry in so many different ways just by using words.   
He is good at writing them down.  
He might not be so good at actually speaking them.

"You kiss good." Is the sentence they that leaves Niall's mouth. All those words floating around in his head and this is what comes out.   
Harry chuckles shoving his face into Niall's neck.

They are currently in the kitchen stealing a moment together while Liam showers and gets ready for school.

"You kiss good too." Niall rolls his eyes, knows that Harry is mocking him slightly but then he is kissing just under his ear and it feels good so he forgives him.   
"Also I'm trying to hard not to feel weird doing this while you're in school uniform." Niall laughs feeling Harry smile against his skin.   
"What you mean this doesn't get you all hot? My sensible footwear, my sexy little tie and dashing, but rather itchy school logo jumper. Because personally it gets my blood pumping." Harry scrunches his face up.  
"OK firstly no. And secondly when you walk out of school next week and never have to wear it again I shall personally help you burn it " Niall let's out a quite yelp when Harry grabs the back of his thighs and lifts him off the ground. He wraps his legs around Harry waist pushing their lips together again in another lazy kiss.   
"But Mr styles if you burn my uniform I might find myself naked." Harry taps Niall on the bum.  
"You're such a dork. How do you manage to be so cute and such a dork at the same time?" Niall hums pecking Harry's lip three times.  
"It's probably because I'm Irish." Harry lowers him to the floor again helping to straighten out his clothes just as Liam starts pounding down the stairs.

"Why does he always come down the stairs like an elephant?" Niall shrugs walking over to the table to grab his bag slinging it over his shoulder.  
"It's all that curly hair init. Weighing him down."   
"Pretty sure it's a teenager thing, you do it too." Niall looks over his shoulder at Harry waggling his eyebrows.  
"Yeah well, that would be my massive dick." He cackles loudly at Harry's face, a mixture between amused and horrified.   
"See ya later H."  
"Bye Ni." Niall blows him a kiss that he pretends to catch and place onto a dimpled cheek then Niall leaves closely followed by Liam who's face is planted in his phone. 

Xxxxx

Niall is laying flat on his back his arms stretched out above his head as he looks up at the tree above him.   
Liam is sat beside him trying to balance a bottle of water on his forehead whilst eating his sandwich. Niall raises his left arm in the air wiggling his fingers about before swiping it to the side whacking the bottle and sending it toppling off Liam's head and onto the floor with a thud.  
"Hey " Liam complained around a mouthful of bread.  
"I'm bored. School is so boring today and maths his like, eating my arse." Niall dropped his arm back to the ground above his head his lips pouting forward.  
"I thought you likes having your arse eaten. Maths is fulfilling your needs." Niall's face screwed up his mouth forming a perfect circle as he made a disgusted sound.   
"You're very disturbed Liam." Liam just shrugs picking up his water bottle again and going back to trying to balance it on his head. Niall lets out a huff of air kicking his feet about. He was tired, tired to the point his bones felt limp and everything felt heavy and like too much hard work.

He had been having the same dream over and over again lately. A memory really, of when he was ten and him and Greg where climbing a tree in their garden in Ireland. Niall had said something to annoy Greg, something so small and petty that Niall never remembers what it was, so in his dream he can see his mouth moving but no sound coming out. Then it's Greg, face twisted up in anger as he turns to shove Niall from the tree. The sound comes back then. A whoosh of air then a sickening crunch as Niall lands, his wrist bent underneath his chest. Then it's all screams and Greg shouting that he didn't do anything, it wasn't his fault. Then he is in the kitchen with his mum, tears pouring down his red face while she holds him to her chest and his dad runs around gathering up what they need for a long wait in an A&E department. 

When he wakes up he can feel the twinge of pain in his wrist, has to cradle his hand to his chest and rub at it until it goes. He can also feel his face pressed to his mum. Can smell the perfume and washing detergents on her. Can clearly hear the sound of her voice as she whispered soothing things into his ear. Can remember how loved he felt in that moment with his freshly broken wrist, scrapes on his face and a bruised knee. So loved and feeling so lucky to have a mother that cares for him and loves him to such an extreme. Nobody has made him feel that loved, cared for and safe before.   
Niall can never fall asleep after. His wrist still throbs and the hole in his chest is hurting to much. All he can do is curl up into a tighter ball and shove the pillow into his mouth so Liam can't hear him crying. 

Liam shuffles around next to him bringing him out of his thoughts. Niall's head flops to the side and he watches Liam gather his lunch things up and shove them back into his school bag. He figures the bell for lessons must have rang out while he zoned out. He had maths again. It feels like he is always doing maths at the moment. 

Niall loves school and apart from the few weeks after his mum's death he had never missed a single day. Mostly because he didn't want to and would drag his arse in even when he was so full of cold he thought he might suffocate. He loved learning and he always wanted to do the best in life, so he made sure to do well in school. Today though, he wanted nothing more then to stay out here laying in the sun and dozing. His dreams hurt, but he was with his mum in them, so they hurt less then being awake. 

Liam takes his hands and pulls him up, grunting with the effort as Niall remains boneless and limp but gives in when Liam had managed to get him sitting straight. The climb to his feet seem like it takes hours, judging by the inpatient look on Liam's face it definitely takes longer then it should. 

He spots Zayn and his group of friends as he is putting his arms trough the straps of his bag.   
Zayn is sitting away from the group a little, his school shirt throw to the side leaving him in a plain black t-shirt that he always wore underneath. His legs are stretched out in front of him, his arms behind him with his hands pushed into the ground to support him as he leans back a little, his head drooped backwards towards the sun. Smoke is drifting up from him and Niall watches it twist and turn for a second before turning to Liam.

"You go ahead yeah? I left my maths book in my locker." Liam sighs then walks off telling Niall to not be late. 

Niall watches him go, slowly walking in the direction of the locker room until Liam turns and vanishes. Niall bites down on his lip, quickly spinning on the heel of his shoe before making his way over to Zayn. He can feel a couple of his friends eyeing him up as he gets closer, but ignoring them is easy. They have never really bothered with him much. They very much see Niall as Zayn's to play with and they keep out of it. 

Zayn's head flops forward like he can sense Niall getting closer. He squints in the sun and Niall wonders how he can still manage to look like some Greek god when his features are all screwed up like that. Unfair really, Zayn should be as unappealing as his personality. 

"Whatcha Irish." Niall stops a few feet away from Zayn, who he can now see is smoking a joint, a lazy smile in his face. 

"Err, yeah hi." Zayn chuckles at Niall's awkwardness motioning for him to sit down. Niall hesitates glancing over at the group. Zayn looks over too his tongue clicking in his mouth.  
"Don't worry about them, they won't even remember you where here by the end of the day. Come sit." Niall throws his bag to the ground and sits cross legged next to Zayn, even though every cell in his body is practically screaming at him to get up and go to class he still gets settled, his eyes on the joint between Zayn's lips. 

"Rough day?" He jumps a little at Zayn's voice, clearing his throat as he shakes his head to try and sort his head out.  
"Not really. Normal day."   
"Normal." Zayn scoffs. "What the fuck is normal. Normal isn't a thing Niall." Niall doesn't really know what to say to that but he figures Zayn is probably high as a kite right now so he doesn't really need to reply. 

His looks down at his lap and notices that his fingers are twitching so he curls his hand into a fist.   
"You not going to class like all the other nerds?" Niall looks back at Zayn, who is staring right back at him. It's scary, Niall's thinks, how empty Zayn's eyes look. Just a black void of nothing. 

"Is it really nerdy just to go to class? It's just learning. I'm not actually that nerdy." Zayn chuckles using his foot to hook his school bag and drag it closer to him.   
"You like, write and shit don't you? I see you sometimes with your little notebook. It's fucking nerdy." He unzips the bag then takes another puff before rummaging inside. Niall scrunches his nose up using his hand to flap away the smoke and prays to god he doesn't go home smelling of weed today. 

"Here ya go. Have at it." He slings a clear Ziploc bag into Niall's lap, about a handful of pink pills sitting inside. Niall swallows, his throat suddenly feeling dry as he fumbles with the bag. 

Zayn seems to take pity on him because he snatches the bag back and pulls one out passing it to Niall who takes it with a shaking hand. 

This is wrong. Fuck, he is at school. He isn't tipsy or caught up in a moment like most people when they take drugs. He is sat in the filed of his school, he is sober and he knows what he is doing. 

He knows he is holding something that could ruin his life. He knows he could get caught and be expelled from school. No school. No GCSEs. No collage. No life.

It's funny what a person will do just to feel happy. A moment of happiness that won't last. Even though he knows it's temporary, that he will come crashing down and be just as miserable as before, he still takes the pill.  
He thinks of Harry as he feels it slide down. His smile. His laugh. His dimples. His lips. He makes Niall happy doesn't he?   
Yeah, he definitely does.   
He is not always there though.   
They are not supposed to be together. They're not even together, not really. Because they can't be.  
Harry can't kiss him every time he needs it. Harry can't hold him and make it all go away, not unless they are alone. Huddled in the corner of the house while Liam is in the shower. This. This little pink pill is his Harry when Harry can't be there.  
Niall falls back, Zayn falling with him, his head turned towards Niall's.   
"You let that kick in babe, then we will have some fun." Niall closes his eyes tight, until all he can see is little stars and bright lights and he waits until he feels like he is being lifted up and away from it all. 

Xxxxx

Niall laughs loudly, the sound muffled under Zayn hand.   
They are crouched together on the floor, Zayn's head peaking into the teachers lounge.   
"It's clear come on." Niall crawls on his hands and knees behind Zayn, the door closing loudly behind him. Zayn spins around shooting him a look.   
"Shut the hell up maybe? And stand up idiot I said it's clear." Zayn sounds annoyed but has a smile on his face as he helps a giggling Niall to his feet.  
"Look at you. You like me, you think I am fun." He bops Zayn on the nose, who in return slaps it away and pinches Niall's nipple trough his shirt.  
"Oh, ouch mean boy." Zayn rolls his eyes and walks over to a cupboard on the other side of the room. There is a kettle sat on top with an array of different mugs, tea bags and sugar that has been mostly spilt on the side. Surprisingly messy really.   
"Here it is. See told you, I don't tell lies." Niall looks over to Zayn who is holding a little red book up. Niall gasps leaping forward to take it.  
"No fucking way. And it has like ratings in it?" Zayn nods letting out a laugh.  
"Yeah, and some have comments about what he did and didn't like. Told ya, Mr Horby is a horny horn dog." Zayn's words slur and he looks confused, like he is not sure what he said came out right. 

Niall opens the red book letting out a hoot of a laugh as he looked at the names of woman Mr Horby, the geography teacher, had slept with. He has rated each woman out of ten with little comments about how they could improve. 

"What a perv. How did you even know about this?" Zayn has his back to Niall now rifling trough someone's coat pocket. He pulls out a ten pound note shoving it into his back pocket.   
"I know everything."   
They had been curled up under a bench, Zayn's friends all gone home, when Zayn had mentioned the little red book. Niall didn't believe he could possibly know about something like that so of course Zayn has to show him. 

"Can you imagine if this got out. God how embarrassing, holy shit Miss Smith is in here with a fucking two out of ten." Niall starts to laugh so hard he has to bend over his arms wrapped around his stomach.   
Zayn takes the book out of his hand to read.

"I think you are on to something there Irish." He checks the time on the clock hanging on the wall.  
"The library should be unmanned right about now, let's go photocopy some of these pages." They leave the teacher lounge and take off down the hall, shoe squeaking on the floor as they pass classroom after classroom filled with other students, some looking up as they pass but most ignoring them. Niall wonders if the ones that look think it's odd to see Zayn and him together when he has been publicly bullied by the other boy for so long. 

They slow down as they near the library and Niall looks around with a smile stretched across his face. Things really did seem so much brighter and sounds so nice clearer to him right now. He could hear music drifting down from the music room and finds himself swaying slightly to the sound as he passes Zayn who looks at him with a scoff.   
His fingers run over the artwork done by various pupils, colours standing out more then he had noticed before and the texture so soft and smooth. How horrible off him to have never stopped and looked at these before, after people had put it so much hard work and time.   
"Pretty." He spins round his hands flapping around as he groped at Zayn's back, his arms wrapping tightly around his neck and he jumped up. Zayn stumbled, letting out a deep grunt but managed to grab Niall under his thighs and keep them both up   
"Jesus, I'm not a donkey." Niall laughs loudly, cutting off when Zayn wacks him and tell him to shut up.   
He still let's him ride his back the rest of the way to the library though, throwing him down not so gentle onto the table by the photocopier. Niall swings his legs backwards and forward looking around the empty room as Zayn got busy copying pages from the book. 

Niall loves libraries. Any library in any place. A room full off  books that you can read for free is amazing. He wonders if he will every write something that will end up on the shelf of a library. And shops! He gasps jumping up running over to one of the shelf's.   
His fingers run down the spin of the books until he reaches the ones under the last name H.  
"Niall Horan." He smiled at the thought of his name being there.   
Would it be the novel he is working on now?  
A book of poems?  
Will he write a love story about him and Harry, a forbidden love? Everyone loves one of those.  
Or a story about heartbreak and death.  
Sorrow or love? Or both.  
"Oi dick head. I am done. Let go spread these bad boys around before school ends." Niall looks at the time surprised to see it's nearly 3pm. He takes his phone out of his trouser pocket to find three messages from Liam.

Dude, maths has started where u at?

Math has ended. U ok? 

Wtf Ni, since when do you skip two bloody classes? I had to cover for your arse you owe me. 

"Oops." He pockets his phone again to take a stack of papers from Zayn. He flicks trough, grinning like a mad man when he sees all the names, ratings and comments. Zayn had even made sure to photocopy the page with Mr Horbys name on, and include Miss Smith of course. 

There was five minutes of class left so they didn't bother with staying quite this time and ran down the hallway shouting and throwing the papers in the air to let them scatter on the floor. 

People started filing out of the classroom scooping them up and handing them to friends as they read. Niall and Zayn watch from the locker rooms as people start to laugh and cat call. 

He spots Liam standing right at the end with Macy, both reading their own slip of paper a deep frown on his face. He looks up then and makes eye contact with Niall, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. 

"Let go get food. Pizza when your high on this shit is the fucking best." Zayn grabs Niall's hand and pulls him away, Liam watching with his lips parted as they scurried off together. 

Xxxx

"Don't you think this is odd?" Niall asked around a mouthful of meat feast pizza. Zayn sat across from him eating a cheese pizza, Niall was quite surprised to find out he does not eat meat.   
"What? Eating. Not really mate." Zayn had been right about how good pizza tasted when you're off your head. Niall is pretty sure he could have come in his pants with his first bite.  
"No. Us eating together and like hanging out." Zayn took another large bite and finished chewing before he answered.  
"We are not hanging out, we are getting high together. It's different. When I am no longer high I will probably punch you in the face." Niall somehow didn't believe him. But he kept quite stuffing his face with more food. 

Niall was quite content just watching people out the window a small giggle leaving his lips every now and then when he found something to be slightly funny. People did funny stuff when they didn't think they where being watched. 

"You should be coming down soon." Niall sighed sadly putting the rest of his pizza back down.   
"Ok. That sucks. It feels really nice to be...whatever this is. Can like, breath." Zayn watches him, his mouth moving in a slow chew.  
"Yeah well. I will give you another one in a couple of days yeah? Have a nice break In-between. I hate ya but don't get carried away with it OK?" Niall nods looking around at the busy diner.  
"I don't have any money on me by the way." Zayn laughs wiping his greasy fingers on a napkin before screwing it up and throwing it back down.  
"Me neither. We are gonna dine and dash. Just get up calmly, do not run until you are out the door." Niall can feel himself panic as he slowly stands. He stole from a shop once, only once, and Harry had found out and killed him and Liam. But that was something small. This is a restaurant. You don't eat food then run. They could catch them then call the police who will know they took drugs. Oh god his life was over.   
He was yanked forward suddenly by Zayn, his feet stumbling and almost falling face first before Zayn yanked him again keeping him in his feet.  
He heard someone yell out for them to stop but then they where outside and Zayn was pulling him as fast as he could go. 

They finally stopped running when they could no longer hear someone calling at them. Leaning against a wall to catch his breath Niall realised he was laughing. 

"I'm not going to be able to eat there anymore am I? I love their pancakes man. That sucks." Zayn leaned his hand on his knees also trying to catch his breath. Niall wanted to shove it in his face that he would probably still be able to breath if he didn't smoke all the time. But he likes his head attached to his shoulders thanks.  
"You have more balls then I thought Irish. You're wasting your time with Liam, the dullest person in all the land." Anger flares up in Niall stomach.   
"Hey. Fuck off alright, Liam is the fucking best and a better person then you will ever be." Zayn flaps his hand around.  
"Whatever. Chill, what do you two even do for fun? Knit and do each others hair?" Not far off Niall thinks. Netflix's and do each other hair actually. And he wouldn't change it for the world. 

"We just do whatever. He is my brother, I love him and don't talk shit about him." Zayn pushes away from the wall placing his hands on each or Niall's shoulders. 

"I have to go. My sister has this recital shit so my house is empty. Don't go home until you have come down ok, your dad might know." 

"Living with Liam actually." Zayn steps back looking surprised.  
"No shit. You left your dads after finding him with that woman?" Niall nods, Zayn slowly starting to walk backwards.  
"Then definitely don't go home yet. If your living with Harry he will pick up on that the second you walk in the door." Niall nods. Like he would be stupid enough to go home yet anyway. Liam will be on him the second he is home after he skipped two classes. He just hopes he hasn't told Harry about it. 

"Oh and Niall. Good on you for leaving your dad's. That was a shitty thing for him to do to your mum." Niall lips part but then Zayn is gone.   
"What a day." Niall kicks off from the wall and starts walking hoping it won't be long before he can hop on a bus and go home. 

Xxxxx

Niall shuts and locks the door behind him, limbs back to feeling heavy as he trudges towards the stairs. He feels weird, down in the dumps and tired.   
He can hear clattering coming from the kitchen so he knows he has missed dinner. It smells really good too but he isn't really that hungry, still full from the pizza. 

He is on the first step when Liam comes in from the kitchen. His steps falter when he spots Niall then he is charging over speaking in a hushed tone.  
"Where the hell have you been? I have had to cover for your arse at school and here. Dad thinks you where at the library by the way." Niall sighs rubbing at his tired eyes.  
"Ok thanks for doing that." He moves up another step before he is yanked back by Liam.  
"You didn't tell me where you went? You don't skip school Niall, and I saw you with Zayn did something happen? You know you can talk to me or..."  
"Oh for fuck sake Liam! Will you just back off and leave me alone. You don't need to be up my arse all the time." Liam drops Niall's sleeve stepping back in shock at Niall's words and the anger to his voice. Niall huff's shaking his head once before running up the stairs.

He slams the bedroom door behind him then flops onto the bed throwing the covers over his head.

He hadn't mean to snap at Liam. He doesn't even want to think about the look on Liam's face before he turned his back. He was just so tired and fed up and his head was pounding. He wanted to shower, should probably get a drink. He closed his eyes letting out a sigh, his body relaxing as he fell into a sleep. 


	20. Chapter 20

Football was good, Niall decided. He had been running around the garden with Liam, goals at either end of the grass made up of their school jumpers and a couple of Harry's flower pots, and he hadn't really been thinking to much about anything while he was playing. His thoughts were mostly on Liam as he was fast, good and played dirty.

He could feel Harry's eyes on him too as he ran up and down, sweat sticking his hair to his forehead and turning his white shirt see through. That took up a lot of his thoughts too. Harry's eye's on him.

Niall was nearly at Liam's goal when he was suddenly tackled from the side, both his feet leaving the ground at the same time sending him crashing down onto the grass. His breath left him in one big gasp, his hand flying out to grab Liam's school trousers sending him falling down onto his stomach with a 'ooff'. 

Niall swings his legs over Liam's waist so he is straddling his back, pushing his hand on the back of his neck to force his head down into the ground. 

"Ouch you little fucker." Liam's laughter is muffled, his feet kicking about in an attempt to kick Niall off him. 

Niall nips Liam underneath his ear before getting up and shooting off towards the ball. Liam is to slow getting up so Niall easily manages to dribble the ball the rest of the way into his goal.

"I am the champi- ah!" Liam charges into him sending them both hurtling to the floor in a fit of giggles. They both roll onto their backs looking up at the darkening sky as they try to catch their breath.   
"Hey Li." Liam hums turning his head to the side to look at Niall. His cheek is smeared with some mud from Niall pushing his face into the ground, his curly hair a complete mess around his face.   
"I'm sorry for snapping at you last night. I was just tired. I had a funny day." Liam looked worried and was opening his mouth to reply, most likely wanting Niall to explain exactly what was going on yesterday with him and Zayn. Before he could get a word out though the back door opened drawing both their attention to Harry standing in the doorway. 

He looked nervous, his hands wringing together in front of his stomach. Niall sat up his heart doing a hard thud in his chest thinking the worse. Had something happened to his dad? Greg? Louis? Or had they somehow found out about him and Zayn. 

"Niall. Umm.." Harry scratched the back of his neck before dropping his hands to his side letting out a huff.

"There is a woman here to see you, umm-Lisa." Niall felt like the world suddenly shrunk around him, he could feel Liam shuffling around next to him as he stood up.  
"Bobby here too?" Harry shakes his head his eyes flicking from Liam to Niall.   
"No, just Lisa. She said she wants to explain how she knows your dad." Niall shakes his head, his fingers digging into the ground. There was no way he wanted to talk to this woman who was trying to take his mum's place. No doubt she has just come here to fill his head with lies. 

"No." Harry sighed walking out towards Niall.  
"Love, I think it's taking a lot for her to come here. I think you should listen to what she has to say. You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to. Just let her talk and then if you want I will ask her to leave." Niall looked at Harry, could see the worry in his eyes as he waited for Niall to reply. He swallowed, getting to his feet. He can listen he guess. Find out why she thinks what she is doing is OK. Then Harry will make her leave. Harry and Liam will make sure it's OK.   
"Both of you will stay?" The both nod.  
"OK. But I want her to go as soon as she is done." Liam slips his hand into Niall's giving it a squeeze.

"OK. Great. Leave your stuff out her I will come tidy later. Liam wash your face in the kitchen please. Do you want me to do anything for you before you go in Niall?" Niall shakes his head, because what he needs from Harry he can't have in front of Liam.   
"Thanks dad." Liam goes in ahead of Niall and Harry to clean up. 

Harry wraps his arms around Niall's shoulders drawing him in closer to him.  
"You want to hold my hand? I think it would alright, I don't think Liam will think anything of it." Niall feels a small bit of weight leave his shoulders as he takes Harry's hand in his letting him walk him inside. Liam is drying his face on a tea towel when they enter the kitchen. He goes to place it back where it normally hangs from the oven but Harry snatches it off him with a horrified look throwing it into the washing machine. 

Liam rolls his eyes then glances down at his and Harry's hand's once before smiling and taking Niall's other hand giving it a tight squeeze before letting go and walking into the living room.

Lisa is sat in the armchair, clutching her handbag on her lap. She looks scared. Eyes wide and flicking about, the skin on her face is clammy and for a second Niall feels bad. But then that night flashes trough his head. Walking in to find her there. The guilt on his dad's face.  
He hates her.

"Niall." Niall flinches when she says his name, placing her bag to the floor by her sneaker glad feet and standing up to hold her hand out. Niall looks down at it before stepping back behind Liam a little. Her lip twitched as she withdrew her hand moving to sit back down again.   
Harry clears his throat gently pushing Niall back in front of them. 

"Lisa, Niall would like to keep this quick." Harry glances to Niall who nodded his head once to let Harry know he can continue.  
"He would like me and my son, Liam, to stay while you talk. So if you could please tell Niall what you came her to say and then I will have to ask you to leave. I hope that's acceptable." Lisa rummages in her handbag pulling out what looks like an photograph. She lays it face down on her lap her fingers running over it before she talks, looking directly at Niall. 

Niall hates to admit it but there is something quite pretty about her. She held nothing to his mum's beauty but her face is kind, her brown eyes wide while the rest of her features are quite small and delicate. At a guess he would say she was in her forties. If he had met her under a different circumstance he might have possibly liked her a little. 

"For the past eight months I have been going to a support group for people suffering with grief. Your father started attending these meetings three weeks ago. He is a very sad broken man Niall and he knows he has been doing wrong by you since your mother passed away. We have a buddy system. We all get assigned one person that we can call in crisis. I am your father's buddy and he tends to call me when he wants to drink so that I can talk to him, help him with his thoughts and get him home to you. Even if you might not be there at the moment." Niall moves to take a seat, dropping Liam's hand but keeping a tight grip of Harry's who also moves to sit with him.

"The night you came home he had been at the pub. I was struggling to talk him out of drinking, to do the right thing and be at home for when you need him. I offered to meet him at your house so we could talk face to face. It also helps me too, to talk to someone." She stops, her throat bobbing as she swallows. Leaning forward she placed the photograph down on the coffee table. Harry, Liam and Niall looked down into the face of a smiling boy.

"This is my son Aaron. He is seventeen in this photo. Last year he started his first year of collage. He was a brave boy, but not brave like you Niall." Niall looks up, shocked.  
"Your dad talks a lot about how brave he thinks you are, he talks about how you are proud about your sexuality and have never hidden it. Aaron didn't come out as gay until he started collage. He told a group of his best friend's. When he came home that day he was so, so happy. He was finally himself." Lisa took a deep breath, wiping under her eyes.   
"He was beaten to death the next day." Harry gasps his hand instantly reaching out for Liam while the other pulls Niall closer to him.   
Niall feels a lump form in his throat and he can't take his eyes off the smiling boy looking up at him.   
He leans over gently picking the photo up holding it closer to his face.   
"He is very handsome." Lisa smiles, a small tear slipping from her eye.   
"Yes. Yes he was. I was very lucky to have him in my life for the time I did." Niall passes her the photos back. Watches the way she strokes across his face, clutching it to her chest before placing it back into her bag.

"I just wanted you to know that me and your father are nothing but friends. I don't want to take your mothers place and I don't think you dad would want anyone to either, not for a long time. We just know how the other feels and we support each other. He wants to be better for you Niall and I want to help him. He is very lucky to have you, I don't want him to waste time. I also don't want you to waste time. Please consider going and talking to him Niall. We don't get a second chance with our loved ones. We have all learnt that the hard way." And that's so true. And it's something everyone in the room can feel and understand.

Lisa stands up, thanking Niall for letting her speak. Harry gets up and sees her to the door, Liam watching Niall carefully, trying to work out how he feels. Niall is not to sure though.  
He still feels like he can't trust her intentions around his dad. Or even trust his dad for that matter.  
But she seemed honest. She really could just be a heartbroken mother helping someone else.   
Or she could be moving in on his dad. 

Niall sighs, his head starting to ache as it whirled with all the different thoughts. He still didn't know what he wanted to do. 

"How are you feeling?" And that's not something he can really answer right now.   
It's a good thing that his dad is getting help. It really is. And if he is doing it for Niall then that's great. Its just, it's too late. To much time has passed and Niall needed his dad ages ago, not in a few weeks when he has finally got his shit together. Not when Niall is about to get on a plane. He needed him from the moment his mum took her last breath.

He needed him at home with him. He needed him by his side when Greg decided to just leave. He needed a dad to talk to and to hold him and to make him feel like it was going to be alright.  
Niall had done this alone so far and at the moment he felt he would probably like to continue doing it on his own. 

He felt sorry for Lisa. Nobody deserved to loose a son is such a horrible way and just because he fancied men over woman. He was killed for something that Niall could be killed for. But that didn't make it alright.  
It didn't erase the guilt all over his dad's face that night. Lisa may not think she is moving in on his mum's place but he is pretty sure his dad wouldn't stop her if she wanted to. 

"I think I am going to go shower. Football got me all gross." Harry looks concerned as Niall walks up the stairs and Niall feels bad for that. He knows how much Harry worries when Niall doesn't open up and talk to him. Talking can be so exhausting sometimes, sometimes Niall just wants to hide away from it all. 

He is sat with his knees pulled to his chest, the shower water hitting him directly on the head and running down his face when there is a knock on the door and Liam's voice calling muffled through the door.   
"Can I come in?" Niall closes his eyes, leaning his forehead onto his knees.   
"Yeah." He hears the door click open and shut again then hears the thud of the toilet seat being closed.   
"What you thinking? She seemed alright didn't she." Niall's hands close into tight fists.

In all honesty, he wanted to climb out of the shower get dressed and go look for Zayn.   
It scared him. Really terrified him how strongly he wanted to hunt the boy down and demand he give him something to make this all better.

And that's bad. Because Niall didn't feel like he wanted to take it anymore. He felt like he needed it. If he took it he could maybe sit down and sort his thoughts out. Would know what he felt about Lisa coming here and talking to him. Would know about what he wanted to do with his dad.  
He didn't want that. He didn't want to be a person that needed something like that. But he could feel it itching at his skin. Could feel it crawling all over him.  
Could practically feel what the pill would feel like going down his throat.   
Could feel how his body would relax and Zayn would give him that lazy, sloppy smirk as he watched. How had that even become a comforting thing? Zayn Malik looking at him like that. 

"Liam." Liam made a noise to let him know he was listening. Niall let out a deep breath, water droplets falling into his mouth.

"Liam I'm...I think I'm.." He grits his teeth annoyed at himself.  
"Stay with me please. Just stay with me." Don't let me leave.   
"Alright. If that's what you need." He sounds confused, like he doesn't understand Niall's need for him. Niall doesn't think Liam could ever understand that right now. 

Xxxxxx

It's late now. Liam's curtains are still open and Niall has been staring at the moon for what feels like hours. 

His skin is still itching and he can't quite catch his breath but he feels a little better. Liam's steady breathing helps, his hand resting on Niall's hip helps too. 

He heard Harry go to bed awhile ago and can still hear him now, the faint sound of guitar drifting down the hallway and under Liam's door.

Niall knows that's something he does when he can't sleep. Loads of times before Niall has woken in the night for a wee or a drink and has heard the same sound coming from Harry's room. He asked Liam about it once and found out he started doing after Rebecca died. Niall found it hard to look at him the next morning, had felt like he had invaded a personal moment for Harry as he sat in his room grieving for his wife. 

He wonders if that is what he is doing now. Is he having one of them heart shattering moments where you can't help but feel the lose wash over you in the most devastating way. 

He gets off the bed, placing Liam's hand down gentle on the pillow, moving his hair out of his face and making sure he is tucked under the blanket nicely before leaving the room . 

He hesitates for a second, thinks about going back to Liam's room to put a top on but that seems like to much hard work so he just opens Harry's door and goes in. 

Harry is sat in the middle of his bed, his long hair loose around his shoulder wearing nothing but his boxers with his acoustic guitar resting on his crossed legs. 

Niall is hit with how beautiful Harry really is. All golden skin and tattoos and muscles. And how can muscles be so beautiful? He smiles at Niall, his fingers not faltering in their movement as Niall walks over to the bed and flops down on his back by Harry's feet. 

Niall closes his eyes and relaxes into the bed, his hand curling around Harry ankle as he listens to him gently play. He hasn't actually seen Harry play his guitar much and figures he does most of his playing at work. It nice though so he definitely plans to ask Harry to play around him more often.  
It's actually kind of sexy, and the semi he is now sporting in his boxers kind of proves that. 

Niall sits up and moves around on the bed until he is sat behind Harry, his knees bent and pushing into the mattress on either side of Harry's waist. Harry looks over his shoulder a questioning look on his face, Niall grins at him before nudging his head to face forward again.   
"Keep playing." His lowers his head to place a kiss to Harry shoulder. He parts his lips sucking gently on the skin, his tongue running over the spot before moving down his back. Harry sighs his back arching a little as Niall brushes his lips down to the waistband of his boxers and up again to kiss at his neck, careful to not kiss hard enough to leave a mark. 

While his lips move over his neck, his tongue darting out every now and then to taste Harry, a sweet taste mixed with a little sweat, his hand moves around his front spreading out over his stomach. He can feel Harry's muscle tense under his fingers as his hand moves between the small gap between Harry and the guitar to slip beneath his boxers. 

Harry stops playing so Niall pauses his movements, trying to keep his own breathing calm with how close he is to touching Harry's cock.   
"Keep playing." Harry clears his throat before resuming his playing. Niall smiles into his neck then dips his hand in fully his fingers wrapping around the base of Harry cock, half hard and twitching.   
Niall moans at the same time as Harry, his eyes drifting down to look as he pulls Harry's cock free. His breath moved across Harry skin leaving a trail of goosebumps as he starts to slowly move his hand up and down, his eyes wide as he watches Harry's cock in his hand. 

He is big, not that Niall is surprised because everything about Harry screams big dick to be honest. But it really is big and he can't help but think how full he would feel if Harry was to ever fuck him. 

Niall runs his thumb over the top, spreading the small bit of pre-cum that had leaked out. Harry's hand slammed against the guitar suddenly, his breath hitching as he leaned back into Niall. 

"Keep playing." Harry shakes his head, his body shuddering again with a moan when Niall twisted his wrist before speeding up his movement a little.  
"I can't." He is breathless, panting. Niall feels powerful, his own erection now stretching his underwear out. He has only just started and Harry already looks messed up. His plump red lips parted as he lets out little puffs of breath, his eyes screwed shut like was he desperately trying to not come already.   
"Keep playing." Harry groans but manages to get his fingers moving again, it's not as smooth as before and he keeps messing up the chords but he still sounds good.   
"I love your fingers." He tightens his grip on Harry's cock, makes sure to bring his fist all the way up to the tip so he can use the wetness there as he slides it back down again.   
"Think about your fingers all the time." He buries his head into the back of Harry's neck, his nose tickled by the long curly strands.   
"Think about them inside me." Harry whimpers and stops playing so Niall stops his own movement until Harry starts up again.   
"Think about them wrapped around the back of my neck while you fuck into me." Niall own dick twitches, the front of his boxers damp. He moves his hips forward until he is pressed to Harry's back so he can get a little pressure there.   
Harry's head is laying back in Niall's shoulders, his chest heaving as he drops the guitar of his lap, his hands slamming down to wrap in the bed sheets. 

"Oh god Niall, fuck." He parts his legs more his hips starting to thrust up into Niall's fist as he eagerly chases his orgasm. Niall kisses around his ear bringing his free hand up to wrap in Harry hair and tug it a little. Harry moans, almost a little to loudly, his feet digging into the bed.  
"So close. So fucking good" Niall smirks, biting on Harry earlobe and pulling it with his teeth before releasing it. 

"You thinking about fucking me?" Harry nods, his whole body now squirming. And fuck, Niall is so lucky to see him like this. To be the one that was making him fall apart so beautiful at his hands.   
"You gonna fuck me yeah? Have all off me. Want to ride you Harry. Can't wait to feel you inside me. Can't wait to come on your cock." Harry goes stiff, his mouth open as he spills over Niall's hand and his own stomach. Niall slows down gentle bringing him back down again, his body jolting as the last of his come dribbles out. 

Niall is deciding if he should grab something to clean it all up with or if he should just lick it all up when Harry suddenly spins round pinning him to the bed.   
Niall yelps his come covered hand slapping against the pillow and the come on Harry stomach being squashed between them. He thinks he hears the thud of the guitar hit the floor but he can't be to sure because Harry is kissing him and that seems to take over all Niall's thoughts. He parts his lips to let Harry tongue slip in and mix with his own. The kiss is sloppy and dirty and it makes Niall toes curl every time Harry tongue swipes across his own. 

He is vaguely aware of how stupid they are being. That Liam come wake up and come looking for him. That if he walked in right now he would see his best friend and his dad covered in come. But Harry is kissing him like his life bloody depended on it and he is slowly slipping his boxers down his legs so he can't really help but not care.

"Didn't know you had such a dirty mouth on you." Their bare cocks rub together, Niall's red and leaking and Harry half hard once again.   
"You want my fingers baby?" Harry ran his fingers trough his own come that had spread across Niall's stomach. Niall moans watching his fingers gathering up the sticky mess.   
"Yes. Yes please." Harry takes Niall's nipple into his mouth sucking it gently between his lips.   
Niall's boxers are kicked off completely, along with Harry's that had been gathered around his ankles. It's the first time they have been completely naked together. Harry slows down suddenly, like he has had the same thought and kisses Niall a lot softer. It's ridiculously hot and Niall feels closer to Harry then ever before. He can't stop his eyes from flicking over to the door though. They are being so stupid. Maybe they should stop. Niall can go lock himself in the bathroom for a wank and they don't have too risk Liam walking in. 

"Want me to finger you with my come?" And Jesus fuck, Harry looks so casual. Like he is asking Niall if he wants a cup of tea and isn't holding up his fingers dripping with come asking if Niall would like them shoved inside him. What the hell is Harry styles.   
"Holy shit yes." Harry chuckles swooping down for another kiss. 

When Niall feels the first press of a finger to his hole he lets out a hiss biting down on Harry bottom lip as he makes sure Niall is nice a wet.   
"You OK?" Harry speaks into Niall's mouth.  
"Yeah. All good." They continue kissing, Harry slowly pushing a finger into Niall.   
It's burns a little but not enough to be a problem. Harry holds Niall a little tighter swallowing his moans as he gentle moves his finger, waiting until he feels Niall loosen up a little before pushing a second in. 

Harry breaks the kiss to sit up a little and watch his fingers move inside Niall, a little bit of his come dribbling out around him. His eyes roam over Niall, his face red along with his chest as he twist on the bed moaning. 

It feels so good, better then he imagined, to be wrapped around Harry's fingers. He feels full and even though there is still a slight burn his whole body is shaking with pleasure.   
"You feel so good" Harry sounds in awe as he watched Niall.  
"So warm and soft. Jesus." He starts pumping his fingers faster twisting his wrist slightly and hooking his finger upwards.

"Holy mother fucking shitting hell." Niall cries out each word sounding like a sob, his head slamming down into the pillow and his eyes clenching shut. Harry smirks repeating the same movement and getting the same result from Niall.  
"Found it." He speeds up hitting Niall's prostate dead on each time. Niall becomes a mess, absolutely losing it, turning his head to the side to quite his moans into the pillow as much as he could. 

Because if he was worried about Liam finding them covered in come, finding then with Harry fingers up his arse would be so much worse.

"Oh god Harry. Fuck, ah!" He can feel his stomach twisting up already, a mixture of his spot being hit repeatedly and the knowledge that it was Harry doing this to him was sending him tumbling over the edge a lot quicker then he wanted it too. He wanted it to last hours. All night. Could spend the rest of his life with Harry fingering him like this. 

He can feel it travel over him. His toes curling and his legs drawing upwards. His hips lifting off the bed and his back twisting. His breath catches in his throat and his head spins. His whole body reacting at once.  
"That's it baby. Look so fucking good for me." Niall's moan is loud enough that Harry feels the need to clamp his hand over his mouth and somehow that makes everything feel so much more intense. He grabs onto Harry wrist, his nails digging into his skin as he comes. White, hot spurts of come that shoot all the way up to his neck coating him. Harry watches him spill over himself his lips parting around a moan.   
Niall shudders his hand clasping down on Harry a couples more times before his grip loosens and his hand falls to the bed, his body boneless as Harry carefully pulls his fingers out, grinning at Niall like an idiot. Niall lets out a breathless laugh.  
"OK. Wow." Harry flops down on the bed next to him his eyes traveling up Niall sticky chest, shinning with a mixture of their come and sweat. His cock now growing back to full hardness at the sight.   
Niall swings his legs over Harry waist, his body swaying slightly and his head going fuzzy. Harry steadied him by grabbing his waist and moves them until their cock are touching once again.   
Niall gasps at how sensitive he feels, a slight throb of pain shooting in his lower stomach.   
Harry moves his hands round to his lower back, just above the swell of his arse and rubs in circles as Niall pants above him still breathless from coming so hard. 

Niall moves himself forward a little, a low hum rumbling from his throat as he fills up again and becomes a little less sensitive until eventually he can start rocking against Harry properly.  
"Niall" Harry pulls him down into a kiss, his own hips meeting every one of Niall's thrusts, once again both becoming a moaning mess.

Niall can't really describe the feeling off his bare cock rubbing against Harry's, but he likes it nearly as much as he likes his fingers fucking into him.   
Harry is a little bigger and he makes Niall want to thrust forward more, to make sure his cock rubs across the entire surface of Harry's. He drags back watching the way Harry foreskins rolls back, his tip red and leaking. He will have to get that in his mouth at some point he thinks. Then he flicks his hips forward again Harry gripping tightly into his things feeling Niall's muscle tense and beneath his touch with each movement.   
"So beautiful. Your so beautiful baby. Look too good on top of me." Niall's head drops forwards and he is suddenly hit with the urge to cry. Harry sits up arms wrapping around Niall's waist, helping him move.  
"You alright?" Niall swallows around the lump in his throat his hands wrapping in Harry's hair.  
"Yeah. Just feels so good. Everything feels so good with you." They kiss then, holding each other as closely as they can both shuddering and crying out as they come again together. 

Niall pants into Harry's shoulder his movement slowing down until he eventually stops, slumping against Harry chest. 

"Baby. You're amazing." Harry hands are moving over Niall, laying him down on his back.   
"So good." Niall smiles weakly, eyes fluttering shut as Harry places soft kisses over his chest.  
"Wish we could do this more. Not enough time with you." Niall voice is slurred with sleep. Harry sighs running his hand trough Niall's hair.   
"Going to clean you up. Got so messy for me. You rest now love, I will take care off you." Niall turns his head to the side as Harry climbs of the bed. He is asleep before he comes back.


	21. Chapter 21

Niall doesn't really know what to think when he walks into Mr Sykes classroom during lunch to find Zayn with his hoddie tucked under his head fast asleep on the table in front of the desk. 

He looks really peaceful though so Niall feels an overwhelming need to be extra quite for him. Zayn always has a look to him of someone who doesn't get much sleep. And after witnessing him mum screaming him out the house he had to wonder what his home life was like. 

"Can I help you Mr Horan?" Niall snapped out of his daze his head turning to Mr Sykes who was sat at the desk marking papers, his eyes remaining on his desk instead of on Niall.

"Yeah sorry sir. I wondered if you could look over some of my papers for me? To check I am on track." He steps forward to place the papers he has clutched in his hands onto the desk by Mr Sykes arm, his eyes drifting back over to Zayn. Why would he spend his lunch break asleep in the maths teachers classroom?

"Is that all?"   
"Yes sir. Sorry again for bothering you. Thank you." He backs out of the classroom gently closing the door behind him so the click is not to loud, Mr Skye's eyes staying on him until the door is fully closed and he is scurrying off towards the dinner hall. How odd. 

Mr Sykes doesn't even run detention so it's not like Zayn was in there for that reason and fell asleep. He would only be in there through choice. But why would Zayn choose to go and take a sleep there? It was just really strange. The again everything he done was strange. 

Niall finds Liam sat at the table with a few of Macy's friends, a seat saved for him with a tray of lasagna on it.

"Oh hell yeah lasagna." He threw his feet over the bench eagerly grabbing at his knife and fork cutting off a massive chunk and shoving it in his mouth.   
"That's really gross how can you eat that?" One of Macy's friends that Niall never bortherd to learn the name off asked with her nose turned up. Liam chuckled looking fondly at Niall.  
"Our Nialler will eat anything. Loves his food." Niall grins at Liam, very much aware that pieces of food are sticking out of his mouth but very much not caring. Macy's friend scoffs before turning back to the conversation going on around the table. 

Niall swipes up Liam bottle of coke listening in.  
"I heard his family sleep on the floor as they can't afford beds."  
"That ridiculously Becs, his dad is a surgeon for Christ sake. He is just a complete tosser so they don't like him. I mean it's Zayn Malik. Nobody likes him unless they are off their heads." Niall stops chewing his hand freezing midway to his mouth, a piece of lasagna falling off his fork with a splat. 

Liam shots him a questioning look that Niall shrugs off and goes back to eating, his heart picking up speed as he listens to them talk about Zayn. He can't stop a small flare of protectiveness towards Zayn. Nobody knew the truth about him so why judge and gossip? Sure he has been a nasty twat to Niall in the past but he hasn't been to these girls. 

"Well me and my mum saw him sleeping outside in the park a few nights ago. He is so creepy. He thinks he is tough because he goes round selling drugs but he is just a loser and his own parents don't want him." Niall glances over to Liam to see him deep in conversation with Macy and not even listening.   
"My aunt works with his mum." Another girl pipes up, Niall really should learn their names. "And she said she is a right nasty piece of work. Thinks the sun shines out of her daughter's ass because she is like this really talented dancer. I personally feel sorry for him, he is abused as far as I'm concerned. My aunt thinks his parents lock him out sometimes just for fun so he has to sleep on the streets. He probably sells drugs so he can have his own money to take care of himself. People fall into the stuff for a reason." She looks at Niall after speaking so he smiles at her before turning away from the conversation. 

Niall had never asked Zayn about his mum after what he saw. He figured that it would earn him a fist to his face.   
Could that be why he was asleep in the classroom right now? Had he told Mr Sykes about what was going on and he lets him catch up on sleep?  
Like that time Zayn stormed into the classroom mouthing off to Mr Sykes about giving him a bad grade. Was he pissed that he knew how much Zayn needed to get away from his home but had failed him? 

Zayn was such a mystery to Niall and he really wanted to learn about the boy. Find out what goes on and why he is the way he is.   
He feels for certain that he has misjudged him all this time. 

Xxxx

"Can I have a big Mac meal please? Ooo with some chicken nuggets. Thanks." The worker behind the counter looks bored beyond belief as Niall hands his money over. He can't blame her really. 

He had decided to walk to McDonald's after school leaving Liam and Harry to have some time together. He knows he is welcome and he never feels like he is intruding but he figures giving them some father son time is a nice thing to do.

And maybe he feels a small bit of guilt that he spent the night before doing things with Harry that Liam would rather he didn't.   
God Liam would be devastated.

He pushes this thought away as he is handed his food, moving out of the line to go grab a seat, luckily finding one by the window and away from people. 

He wonders if him and Harry should have a plan for incase Liam does find out about them. They can't do the whole, it's not what it looks like. Because really? When does that ever work out well.   
Oh god, he would have to actually sit down and explain to Liam about how he fancies his dad. That would be to wierd. 

He could just hide away until he left for New York and hope the dust has settled when he comes back. What a coward.

There is a loud bang and Niall screams as Zayn suddenly appears slamming himself against the window. 

He laughs loudly clutching at his stomach as Niall stares back horrified. He is sure he just lost his stomach out of his arse or something. 

"You dick head!" Yeah whatever, Niall gives him the finger then goes back to munching on his burger pretending Zayn is not out there. 

Of course Zayn comes slouching in though dropping down in the seat in front of Niall.   
"Your burger looks well gross by the way." Niall rolls his eyes taking an extra big bite and opening his mouth so Zayn can see him chew.  
"Wow you look so sexy right now. Is that how all Irish people eat?"   
"Yep. Food and arse hmmmm yummy." Zayn scrunches his nose up laughing lightly.  
"You're such a little gross rainbow. Do you always sit and eat on your own in McDonald's." Zayn steals one of Niall's fries and he lets him. Does Zayn even get fed properly at home? The thought had him shoving the rest of his fries over to the boy.   
Zayn raises his eyebrow but doesn't say anything as he starts eating them.  
"Do you always fall asleep in classrooms?" He watches closely for Zayn's reaction. His face twitches, one side of his mouth tilting downwards his eyes narrowing. He doesn't say anything though. Instead he grabs a handful of fries and shoves them in his mouth chewing slowly his eyes still on Niall's who refuses to look away. 

"What to get high and listen to music with me?" Niall hadn't expected Zayn to answer, but it was worth a shot. He was getting far to curious about who Zayn Malik was. Maybe he would get to find out eventually if they kept hanging out. 

Zayn throws down a small bag on the table, five pills inside. Nialls eye dart around the mostly empty fast food restaurant, his hand reaching out and grabbing the bag without even having to think about it. 

Zayn watches him as he gets one out.  
"It's a different colour." Zayn has always given him pink pills so far but this one was a really ugly shade of yellow. Zayn took the bag back taking one out for himself before putting it back in his bag.  
"My normal supplier got arrested. Everyone has a favourite colour I suppose. Yellow must be the new guys thing. Don't worry it's the same thing, they come in many colour. Drugs don't discriminate Niall." Niall purses his lips outwards rolling the pill around in his fingers. 

How did he get to the point where he was sat in a McDonald's taking drugs.   
Jesus Christ. Way to make your mum proud Niall. 

They thought doesn't stop him from throwing it into his mouth.

"How does a sixteen year old even have a bloody supplier?" Zayn shrugs screwing up the empty box of Niall's fries.   
"Bad luck I guess. Or good. Depends how you view it. Certainly works out well for you. Freebies and all that. Now hurry up and finish eating your innocent animal, I want to listen to music, music while high is almost as good as sex. Not that you would know anything about sex, loser." Zayn snorted to busy pulling out his headphones to notice the way Niall's face goes red as last night flashes in his head. 

What would Zayn think? If he told him he had spent the night in Harry's bed. Had made him come twice. 

He had felt so comfortable and confident with Harry, and safe. He still had moments where his brain really couldn't comprehend that he was doing these things with Harry.   
It was incredibly hot. 

"Jesus fuck hurry up freak." 

Xxxx

"Why you smiling like that?" Louis squinted at Harry who was sporting the most ridiculous smile Louis had ever seen.   
"I'm not." The smile falls from Harry's face as he starts munching on a crisp, eyes staying on the television screen that was currently showing Homeland. Not that Harry could remember a single thing that had happened in the show. His thoughts where firmly on Niall.

"You're doing it again. It's creepy."   
"You're creepy." Louis snorts at the childish reply.  
"Ok whatever, don't tell your best friend what has you so happy. See if I care. I don't. I'm just watching this. Not thinking about it." Harry chuckles nudging Louis with his shoulder.   
"Sorry. It's just- it's Niall alright. And I'm not sure if you like me talking about that." Louis turns his body so he is facing Harry, his hand resting on Harry wrist.  
"It's a little odd ok. I'm just not used to it yet, but you can talk to me. I don't like there being something your not comfortable talking to me about. So tell me what you're thinking. I will be supportive i swear. Like your very own Niall cheerleader." He waves his hand in the air, a teeth baring smile on his face.   
Harry slaps his hands down.

"We just... had a good night last night. Guess I'm still riding the high of it. He just makes me fell like a bloody teenager again."   
"With Liam in the house?"   
"You said you would be supportive." Louis raised his hands up in front of him.  
"I am I swear. I'm also going to be protective of Liam. I'm glad you can keep up with the kid. Was he like proper kinky." Louis waggles his eyebrows letting out a shriek when Harry slams a pillow into his face.   
"You're such a git. He was normal, wait no not like normal boring. He is like confidant? Knows what he wants and doesn't get all shy about going for it. It felt really intense with him too. I think he is really special Lou." Louis smiles nudging Harry's foot with his own.  
"I know mate. Don't get to attached though. I don't fancy a moping Harry when he packs up and leaves." Harry tries to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest at the mention of Niall leaving. Because he will be fine. Niall leaving is a thing that he knew would happen. He doesn't want Niall to stay. He wants Niall to go out and experience things.  
He will be fine. 

Xxxxxx

It starts when Niall is on the bus.  
He feels good. No he feels great. And him and Zayn had so much fun. Zayn is fun.   
But then this man is watching him. Like full on staring, and has been since Niall took his seat. Nobody likes being watched. It makes you feel jittery and not safe.  
It's making him feel like jumping out of his skin. He tries to ignore it at first. He turns his body away from the man a little and looks out the window. He can see his reflection though. In the window of the bus he can see the man looking right at him. 

Niall snaps in the end. Turns around in his seat and practically bite the man's head of.   
Everyone looks then. Why do people have to look? Niall tugs on his hair in frustration.   
"Stop fucking looking." 

Xxxxxx

"Cookie dough or blueberry?" Louis voice floats in from the kitchen .   
"Do you even need to ask?" The freezer door shuts then Louis is shuffling in with the tub of ice cream and two spoons.  
"I know by your answer you ment blueberry. But I didn't want that so cookie dough it is." Harry just managed to catch the spoon Louis throws at him.   
He knew Louis would choose that flavour. He always does. Harry will stop buying it one day, just to annoy him.   
"This show is rubbish. Mind if I change it?" Harry shakes his head because he hasn't even been paying attention to it. His mind is still fully on his blue eyed boy.   
Louis flicks through Netflix's finally settling on some friends, his legs wrapping around Harry's as he settled back down.

Xxxxxx

He has followed him off the bus. Niall is sure of it.  
He shouldn't have shouted. It only resulted in him pissing off this stranger and now he was being followed. 

Niall looked over his shoulder at the shadow of the man following him. 

Oh god. Was he going to die?   
He walked quicker, he feet not going where he wants them to making him stumble a few times. 

He was scared. Terrified actually. Being killed would be horrible. 

And he thinks there are more. Is sure he has seen the shadow off more people around him. Appearing and disappearing. Never enough for Niall to fully see them but he knows they are there.

He turns the corner onto Harry's street. He can hear them now. Can hear them laughing and taunting him.   
It feels like they are right behind him, feels like they are breathing on his neck but when he turns there is nothing there.

He falls a few times. A loud laugh startling him or a set of footsteps suddenly speeding up. 

He can see the house now. Can see the light on. He shoves his hand in his pocket to look for his house key then remembers he left it in his hoddie on the back of Liam's door.  
"Shit." He starts running, his school bag slamming against his back. The footsteps around him speed up too. There are more of them. They can defiantly get him before he reaches the house. 

Xxxxx.

Louis head is tipped back, his mouth hanging open as he tries to balance his spoon on his nose.   
"Is Liam sleeping at Macy's?" The spoon slips from his nose sliding onto his shoulder.   
Harry is sitting cross-legged on the other side, Louis feet shoved against his knees.   
"No I just said he could stay out a little later so they could study."   
"Is that what they are calling it these days. Hey Haz remember when we used to stay out late to study." He winks pointing his finger at Harry.  
"Does Niall call it studying. Hey Harry do you want to study." He puts on a Irish accent making Harry giggle.   
"Shut up. They really are studying, Niall told me they are not sleeping together."  
"What the hell. He gossips to you about Liam. What a betrayal." Louis rolls off the sofa picking up his spoon and the empty tub of ice cream. 

"He is a sensible lad our Liam is-" they both jump when there is a loud bang agaist the door.  
"What the fuck was that." Harry shrugs jumping to his feet when someone starts hammering on the door.

Xxxx

Niall bangs his hand on the door looking over his shoulder. He can see them. All the shadows coming closer. 

The door is suddenly pulled open sending Niall falling to the floor.

He pushes away the person who is trying to help him up and crawls into the house slamming the door shut again with his foot.  
"They are gonna get in." Harry rushes over to the window pulling back the curtains.   
"No!" Niall lunges forward but losses his balance his body slamming into the small table by the sofa sending a lamp smashing to the floor.  
"No no no. Don't look out. They will get in and they want us so we can't let them in." He yanks the curtain closed so hard Harry was sure the rail was almost pulled out of the wall.  
"Niall what the hell is going on. Who is out there?" Harry starts to panic, Niall shoving him away from the window. Is someone after Niall? Had he got himself in trouble?

"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no." Niall pulls hard at his hair dropping to the floor.  
"They saw, everyone saw. They saw. They see and they all saw us." Niall keeps rambling, curling up tightly on the floor. 

"Harry I need you to go upstairs and get the shower on now." Harry runs, he is not sure how he actually gets up to the bathroom without falling with how much his legs where shaking. 

Louis comes into the bathroom carrying Niall who was still mumbling and holding on tightly to Louis top.  
"Make it cold he is really burning up, we need to bring his temperature down." Harry's turns the dial on the shower until the water turns cold. Louis swings one of his legs over the bathtub, steadying himself before lowering Niall down making him sit up so the water was hitting his back. Harry runs out into the hallway to grab some towels his heart feels like it was beating in his throat by the time he came back. Niall was soaked through but still muttering nonsense, Louis calmly trying to get him to stop so he could catch his breath. 

"Lou." Harry's voice sounds small in the room, showing how scared he is to see Niall in such a state. Louis looks up flicking away his wet fringe from his eyes.

"I think he took something. He might have took to much or just reacted badly I don't know. It could just be random but he's just...he is tripping real bad ok so we need to stay calm and we need to keep his temp down." Harry drops the towels on the floor  sitting down on the toilet.

Drugs? Niall doesn't do drugs. 

"Hey Niall, you still with us mate?" Harry zones back in noticing suddenly that Niall has stopped talking and has flopped backwards, his eyes rolled back and his mouth hanging open. 

Louis climbs fully into the bath the water instantly soaking his clothes as he gently slides his hand behind Niall's head and tips it forward again. 

For a second Harry is sure Niall is having a fit and it's like his heart stops and everything seems to blur and spin. 

People die. People die from this sort of thing don't that.

Oh god. Harry drops to the floor by the bath grabbing Niall's hand in his and squeezing it tightly. 

"He's ok Harry, he will be fine." Like he wants to prove him right Niall's body suddenly jerks and his eyes ping open as he heaves and throws up over Louis lap. 

"Jesus." Louis turns his head away leaning his forehead on the wall. 

Harry can't believe they are even in this situation. What the hell was Niall even doing with drugs? Does Liam know? Had Liam taken them himself before?   
He was going to kill whoever got Niall in this state. 

"Harry." Harry takes a deep breath and forces a smile on his face as he looks down at Niall.   
He was angry. So fucking pissed off, but Niall didn't need to know that just yet.  
"Hey baby." Niall starts crying. Loud heavy sobs they shake his body.  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Harry drops his head to Niall's a tear rolling down his cheeks closely followed by another.   
"I don't feel good Harry. Everything...everything feels strange." He eyes slowly slip closed again his body going slack against Louis. 

"Can you go grab us some clothes please. We should get him to bed." Harry nods, letting go of Niall's hands and leaving the room to grab them both some clean clothes. 

He shuts his bedroom door and for a moment let's himself feel how scared he really was. How it felt to think he could loose Niall. Then he grabs what he needs and goes back so he can help him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is poor, sorry guys. Xx

Niall wakes up with a marching band playing in his head and his mouth as dry as an arse. And dread. So much fucking dread. Last night is mostly a blur but he remembers enough to know he is so fucked. 

He was seriously going to slap Zayn. 

Maybe he could just lay here all day and pretend to be asleep when people come in. He could deal with the dry throat. Or he could sneak out the window and move to Egypt.   
Anything but going downstairs to a disappointed Harry and a lecture. 

Maybe his head would explode before that happens. Or rip in half. Either feel possible.   
He turns to look at the time, the movement enough to send the room spinning and make him groan out loud.   
He takes a few deep breaths to stop himself from throwing up until the room went back to normal.  
11am.   
Crap.  
Another day of missed school.

Harry should be at work then. This is good. This is great.   
Harry at work and Liam at school.  
Perfect. 

Getting out of bed is harder then Niall thought it would be.  
He actually has to crawl to the bathroom and drags himself up by the counter to stick his head under the tap to drink.   
"Oh god." His head feels empty. Like he actually doesn't have a brain anymore. Maybe he doesn't. It would explain a lot. 

The steps are harder and require far to much leg movement. But he makes it and he is so much closer to a cup of tea. He doesn't even care if he throws it up. Tea is his best friend. Tea is not going to lecture him about the dangers of drugs and it will make him warm. 

He finally makes it to the kettle happy to find it already filled with the water and flicks it on. Supporting himself against the side Niall rubs his hands over his sore eyes turning to grab some milk from the fridge.  
"Oh." Both Harry and Niall are at the table watching him.   
"Yeah, Morning." Niall blinks, the kettle starting to boil behind him. He doesn't think his tea is going to be as comforting as he was hoping.   
"Why are you not at work? and School?" Harry raises his eyebrow arms crossing over his chest.  
"That's really a question. After last night you actually expect us to go about our days like normal?" Niall huff's out a laugh pulling the fridge door open to grab the milk.   
"Yeah. S'not like I died or anything." Harry slams his hand down on the table his chair scrapping back loudly as he stands up. Both Niall and Liam flinch.   
"This is not a joke. How dare you just expect to get up and act like nothing happened." Niall puts the milk down on the side a little more aggressively then needed.   
"I made a mistake. I won't do it again." Niall's head hurt to much for this, and he didn't need Harry lecturing him like he was his dad. 

"We are just concerned." Liam sounds a lot calmer then Harry, it makes Niall's anger deflate a little.   
"I know Li, I really am sorry. Like I said it was a mistake." Harry storms over snatching the mug from Niall and throwing it into the sink.   
"Will you forget about your bloody tea and talk to us about this." Niall covers his face with his hands.  
"What do you even want me to say Harry? I took a drug. I'm being honest about it. I took a fucking drug and I clearly nearly fucked myself up. What more is there to talk about?" 

"How about who gave you it? Where did they get it from? Why did you even think it was a good idea? Or maybe what I should be doing to make sure you don't do it again." Harry voice is raising now, leaning forward his face close to Niall's.

"Don't do that. You don't get to act like a parent to me. I'm not your problem." 

"You want to live under my roof Niall then I will parent you all I want." Niall laughs shoving Harry away from him to walk across the room and put some distance between them.

"Is that what you have been doing hey Harry? Parenting me." Harry face turns dark, his fist clenching up at his sides. 

"Liam go upstairs." Liam looks between them unsure, but he gets up and leaves the room slowly going upstairs. Harry walks across the room closing the gap between them.

"Don't you dare even think about saying stuff like that in front of my son. I may not be your parent or even your boyfriend but I'm the closest you have to both right now so you will listen to me. Who gave it to you?" Niall shakes his head a stubborn tilt to his chin. He didn't want to get Zayn in trouble. If Zayn got in trouble for this then he might not give Niall anymore. Last night has been scary and dangerous but he doesn't know if he wants to stop. It helps, it helps so much. 

"I don't know. Just some person." Harry grabs Niall's chin forcing him to look at him.  
"I think I know you well enough to know you would not take drugs off a stranger. Who was it Niall?" Niall shoves his hand away trying to wiggle out of his grip but Harry grabs him again.  
"Why would you keep it a secret? Protecting some scumbag doesn't make you some big man you know. Is that what this is about? You want to be cool Niall? Want to show off?" Niall finally gets Harry's hand off him moving away quickly. Liam is back, standing in the doorway watching the two. Niall can't believe how Harry is acting right now.   
He expected a lecture of course he did. He didn't expect Harry to be so nasty, to not sit down and find out why Niall felt the need to do it. He didn't expect him to treat him like some child.   
He wasn't acting how he normally did and that made Niall want to leave, to walk away and not ever speak to him about this.   
Niall wipes at his face determined not to cry as he faces Harry.  
"Your such a dick. Fuck you." He storms past Liam leaving Harry to watch him go his face crumbling.

"Oh god, I handled that so badly." Liam walks into the room a sad look on his face.

"Yeah you kinda really did." Harry sighs slamming his head against the cupboard door.  
"I'm just so worried and angry and sacred at the same time. He is acting like it's no big deal. I thought...I actually thought he could die Liam. And he acts like it's just a small blip. What if he plans to keep doing this and next time it happens he is on his own and it's worse, he was lucky Louis was here because I had no idea what to do. What if we lose him?" Liam looks down at his hands. It's hard for him to know who's side he should be on. But is there even a side? Harry wasn't really against Niall, he was just trying to protect him. Liam didn't see the state Niall was in last night but just hearing about it was bad enough. He knew something was off with Niall but he never would have guessed drugs.   
Maybe he should have done. Especially after seeing him with Zayn. 

"Dad. I think I know who gave it to him, maybe." Harry spins around chewing on his bottom lip. Liam felt a little hesitant about mentioning Zayn. If he was right and that was where Niall got drugs from would telling Harry result in Niall getting in trouble with Zayn? They had obviously built some kind of weird friendship up, although Liam had no doubt Zayn was just using him. He knows Zayn hasn't thought twice about hurting Niall before, so if he gets in trouble for this and he thinks it's Niall's fault he could really hurt him. 

"Liam please. This whole thing has really freaked me out and I am so scared that Niall is not safe right now. Tell me so I can do something to put a stop to this." The thought of Niall putting himself in dangerous situations made Liam feel sick. 

"He has been acting really weird the past few days. He has missed some school and been really snappy. The night of the party when he went missing, Macy's friends saw him leave with Zayn Malik. And he vanished at school the other day and i saw him with Zayn again before they ran out of school. I told you he was studying but he was out somewhere with him. And it doesn't make sense because Zayn has bullied him since he started school. I'm pretty sure it's who he would have got drugs from though."   
Harry closed his eyes taking a deep breath in trough his nose his teeth clenched. 

"Of course. Of course it fucking was." He storms past Liam grabbing his car keys off the side and shoving his feet into the first shoes he finds   
"What you doing?" Liam hovers, watching nervously as Harry bangs around getting ready to leave the house.

"Just stay here with Niall. Make sure he doesn't leave, he still has some explaining to do."

"Dad what are you going to do." Harry rips the door open looking over his shoulder at Liam.  
"I'm going to bloody kill him." 

Xxxx

The door to the 'Pig and Moon' slammed open banging loudly against the wall. Cassie jumped, spinning around from where she had been bent over restocking the small fridge. 

"Is he here?" Harry marches over to the bar lifting up the divider letting it slam down behind him.  
"What?"  
"Zayn, is he here?" Cassie follows Harry as he makes his way towards the stairs.  
"Yeah he is, but what's going on Harry? What's he done?" Harry runs ahead of her to the top of the stairs opening the door that separated Cassie's home from the pub. He closes it quickly behind him turning to lock it. 

"Harry! He had a rough night." Like Harry could give a fuck about Zayn's night.   
He was seething with anger, thoughts of Zayn pushing drugs onto Niall burning in his brain. 

Zayn is asleep when Harry goes into the living room so he grabs the glass of water that Cassie had probably sat there ready for when he wakes up and throws it over his face.   
He gives him exactly three seconds to catch his breath before he is pulling him up by his t-shirt and slamming him back down on the table   
"What the fuck man." Zayn's eyes are wide and blood shot, his fridge flat and sticking to his forehead from the water. He looks so ridiculously young Harry almost let's go of him and apologies.   
But then he is thinking of Niall again. His Niall. Who has been through too much shit and Zayn had taken advantage of that.  
"What did you give him?" Zayn looks confused, like he generally doesn't know what Harry is on about. Harry has spent so much time trying to help Zayn. Has seen Zayn refuse his help so many time for many made up shitty reasons so he knows he is going to lie. He can see the look he gets in his eyes while he is getting ready to spit out some crap. 

"I don't know what you're on about." Harry practically growls as he lifts Zayn up again and drags him across the table, his feet kicking and sending things flying.   
"Harry!" Harry slams him against the wall, the air puffing out of his lips.

"You know exactly what I am on about you little fuck. You lie to me again and I will fucking end you." Zayn looks scared now, clawing at Harry's hands to try and get away. Harry barely notices the pain of his fingernails digging into his flesh, leaving angry red marks. 

"You better start talking right now because I been up all night making sure he didn't fucking die because of you so I really don't have any patients left for you to be pissing me about." 

"It wasn't my fault OK!" Harry grip tightens. "It was a bad batch, I had the same reaction. Honestly I didn't do this on purpose, he was fine with the others." Harry's grip loosens and he stumbles back a little.  
"The others?" Zayn's eyes widen.   
"No I didn't mean that." Harry grabs Zayn's face in his hand pushing his head back into the wall.  
"You better fucking explain." He was shaking with anger, and it's true what they say about anger being like red flashing in your eyes and white hot heat hitting your body. He has to take a few deep breaths to stop himself from actually hurting Zayn as the boy stuttered and stammered. 

"It's harmless really, he just takes it to chill out. I didn't force him to or anything, he comes to me. He comes to me and I give him what he wants that's all." 

"Harmless?" Harry pulls him away from the wall and shoves him backwards. The back of Zayn's legs hit the table causing him to stumble and fall to the floor. 

"It's not harmless you stupid child! It could kill him. He wouldn't just randomly come to you for drugs, you made him do this. The state he was in last night was your fault!" Zayn shuffles back as Harry steps forward.

"It happened to me to! I told you it was a bad batch! A new supplier. It won't happen again!" Harry laughs loudly, the sound echos around the room.   
"Of course it won't happen again because if you go near him I will tear you to pieces." Fear flashes across Zayn's face but it's quickly replaced with a smirk, his eyes going empty. A look that used to make Harry want to protect the boy but now made him want to slap him until he realised what a messed up shit he was. 

"He will keep coming to me. I made sure of that." The hallway door slams open at the same time as Harry lunges for Zayn, arms wrapping around him and pulling him back. 

"Harry! Harry stop." Harry fights against Louis grip desperate to get to Zayn and hurt him like he could have hurt Niall.   
"He's just a kid, come on." Louis manages to walk Harry out of the room gently pushing him towards the stairs where Cassie is watching her hands clutched to her chest. She waits until they pass then rushes down the hallway to Zayn. 

Louis keeps his arms lock around Harry until he gets him down the stairs and back outside to the car park. 

"What are you doing you idiot. He is a kid and you're handling this the wrong way." Harry strides towards his car, trying to get his keys out of his pocket but his hands are shaking and he can't seem to get to his pocket. 

"What did you expect me to do? He is giving him drugs Louis." He gives up on his keys with a groan, kicking the tyre of his car.   
"I don't expect to have to run out of my workplace because you decided attacking someone was the solution." 

"I don't think it the solution!" Harry rears round on Louis, hand clenched at his sides. "I don't know what the solution is! I just know that I was terrified seeing Niall like that and I spent all night just starring at him asleep because I was convinced he was going to stop breathing or I don't even know. I was so scared and I am still scared because I missed this Louis, I missed that he was taking fucking drugs. How did I miss it?"

"None of us knew Harry, even Liam didn't. Just calm down because this is not going to help. Niall doesn't need you like this." Harry leans over his car resting his forehead against the cold metal as he takes deep breaths.   
He tries to calm down, he really does. He has let Niall down though and that hurts so much.  
How could he not notice this was going on?

How can he have Niall in his bed, how can he kiss and touch him when he doesn't even know what's really going on in his head?

He thought he was good at reading Niall. Thought Niall would come to him for anything. They where good at talking to each other. So how did he not know?

"It was really scary Harry, I get that. He is fine though and right now he needs you to be calm and understanding so you can help it to not happen again. You react like this and you will just push him to do it again." Harry lets out a breath and deflates in front of Louis, who gathers him up in his arms to hug him tightly.

"That boy in there is sixteen years old and he spends most him time on the streets because his parents are disgusting. He was talking to me about new suppliers Lou. Niall's family is messed up at the moment but they are a good family and he has a good head on his shoulders and this amazing bright future. Its not fair of Zayn to ruins all that and drag Niall down into the gutter with him. Its not fair. I have tried to help him so many times but he wont accept help from anyone, I don't know what to do." Louis rubs his back and tugs fondly at his hair because he knows it makes Harry smile a little.

"What you are going to do is go home and you are going to cuddle up with Niall and you are going to be there for him. You do this the wrong way and you push him towards Zayn and he wreaks his life. Make him want to go to you." Harry nods hugging Louis to him a little tighter before letting go and stepping back. He feels a little calmer now and actually manages to get his keys out of his pocket this time pressing the button to unlock his door.

"Thanks, sorry for making you run out of work. Come round for dinner later yeah?" Louis nods walking backwards with his hands shoved in his pocket towards the road where he will have to cross to the university. 

"Always. Love you."

"Love you too." 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Harry walks into the house Niall is sat on the sofa, knees bent up to his chest. Harry kicks his boots off.

"Where is Liam?" Niall is wearing a pair of basket ball shorts, one of Harry's jumpers that is far to long on him and a snap back. He looks small and pale and sad. Harry wants to tuck him up into his bed and forget the rest of the world is a thing. 

"Asleep upstairs." Harry nods, moving to sit on the sofa next to Niall, curling his feet up under his butt. 

"I'm sorry that I got angry with you." Niall shrugs, his eyes trained down on his bare feet.

"It's OK." Harry chews his bottom lip, reaching forward to roll up the sleeve of his jumper on Niall until his hands comes out. Niall's lip twitches when Harry links their fingers together. 

"I know it was Zayn. Could you maybe tell me what it was that you took?" Niall wiggles his hand out of Harry's, slipping the sleeve back down. Harry lets out a sad sigh moving Niall's hair away from his forehead.

"I got angry because I was scared. I am scared. I want to help you, and I will be more understanding and I will listen to you but you only have to talk about what you want. If you don't want to tell me why you turned to drugs then don't. If you do then great. I'm hoping you might work with me to stop you wanting to do it again. You don't want to do it again right?" Niall closes his eyes turning away from Harry. 

Harry wants to cry. He wants to grab Niall and shake him and cry and beg him to just talk to him. He is being calm and understanding and he needs to not feel like Niall is slipping away. 

"Ecstasy." Harry's stomach drops. It could be worse, it really could. That word sounded so bad to Harry though. Ecstasy. It makes his skin crawl. It could be worse but it was still really, really bad. 

"Niall." Niall stands up, pushing Harry's hand away from him.

"I don't want to talk about it." Harry panics. He doesn't want Niall to walk away from him now. He needed Niall to stay with him so he can make this better. He hates seeing Niall so withdrawn and upset with him.

"Please stay. We don't have to talk about it alright, we can just put a film on." He gets up and rushes over to the dvd's forcing a smile on his face. "We can watch a film and we can cuddle and kiss and that will be nice right? Me and you." Niall rubs at his face,his eyes so cold and empty when he looks back at Harry who is now clutching Captain America in his hands.

"Sebastian Stan, yummy." He wiggles the DVD around and this is when Niall would normally grin and make some shrewd comment about how hot Sebastian was. He just shrugs though and walks back over to the sofa throwing himself down

"Alright, a film sounds good. Better not with the cuddle and the kissing though, Liam might come down." Harry tries to not look disappointed as he sets the DVD up and takes a seat across the other side of the sofa from Niall. 

Niall's eyes don't leave the TV screen for the whole film and he barely talks to Harry. When the film has ended he gets up and go upstairs without a word. 

Harry convinces himself it's because he is tired and feeling crap after last night. 

It will be better soon. He will take a nap and then it will be better. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is super short.  
> Next chapter is the one I have been looking forward too since I started this.

"Who gave you your tattoos?" Zayn looks down at Niall who is laying out on the ground his head rested in his lap. 

"A friend." Niall snorts reaching you to take the joint out of Zayn's grip to place between his own lips.   
"What do they mean?" He questions once he has blown away all the smoke. It's not lost on him that he is happy to lay here and inhale this crap but still keeps the habit of wafting away the smoke once it leaves his lips.   
"They mean that I like tattoos so got some." 

Niall rolls his eyes flicking Zayn's chin. Zayn flinches then leans over to pinch Niall's nipple. 

Niall had taken about two steps into the school gate before Zayn whisked him away to the small park down the road. After a small argument about his encounter with Harry, Niall finally convinced Zayn that it wasn't him that dobbed him in. Then Zayn sat Niall down and helped him smoke for the first time. Niall had spent all yesterday and this morning ignoring the way his hand twitched and his mind drifted to thoughts of getting high, so it was a relief. Zayn had no pills because he was once again without a supplier so Niall settled for the joint Zayn had perched on his ear. 

It was nice. He thinks he prefers the pills but he was relaxed and Zayn was actually funny. 

Niall giggles knocking his forehead against Zayn's knee.  
"You like me. We are friends."   
"We are not friends and I hate you." Niall giggles again closing his eyes.   
"Don't seem like you hate me."  
"Mate, if I liked you I wouldn't give you Ecstasy. Shit." Zayn's laugh vibrates through Niall. 

"You don't like, charge me for it. That means it costs you. You buy me stuff, aw." Niall parts his lips when he feels Zayn's fingers brushing over then to slip the joint back into his mouth. Zayn's skin taste like cigarettes and paint.   
"If you hated me you would like get me hooked on all the shit you have and drain me." His words are muffled as he balances the joint between his lips. 

Zayn slips his fingers into Niall's hair his head tilting back.  
"Nah. I would rather you use your funds to get the hell out of this country for a year. More then a year if possible. Maybe you will fall in love with some farmer." Niall makes a noise that resembles someone standing on a hamster.   
"Why a farmer? Just why?" Zayn laughs loudly twirling a blonde lock around his middle finger.  
"A farmer would be your type. Some muddy little farmer boy who tends to his cows during the day and then tends to you at night." Niall thinks Zayn finds that far more funny then it actually is.   
"Can you imagine. Running his cow hands over your naked body. With his wellies on." Zayn cackles.   
"You do realise I could find a farmer in this country right? I wouldn't have to leave for that. We have farmers Zayn. Complete with wellies and cows." Zayn stops laughing, like he actually didn't know this and the news has shocked him.   
"Oh. Well maybe you will just get lost then and not come back." 

They fall into silence after that. Enjoying the sun soaking into their skin and sharing the joint peacefully, Zayn's fingers still carding trough Niall's hair. 

Occasionally Niall will think about Liam at school wondering where he had gone. Or he worried about missing another day so close to his exams. It's nearly the last week of school now. It's a very important week.

But sitting out here it's kind of hard to worry enough to get up and do something about it.   
He will do better tomorrow. Maybe. 

"Tomorrow." Niall laughs raising his hand above his head.   
"Tomorrow Zayn." Zayn's tanned hand wraps around Niall's   
"I have no fucking idea what your on about but whatever. Tomorrow." Their hands stay clasped together, lowering down to the ground by Niall.

"What you doing tonight?" Zayn clicks his tongue, poking at Niall's cheeks with his free hand.  
"Gonna get laid. That means I'm having sexual intercourse sweet innocent baby." He pats Niall's head, moving his hand just in time to avoid a slap.   
"I know about sex stuff. Who on earth would do the dirty with you. Gross." 

"Fuck you. I'm with someone I will have you know. Have been for like two years. They really like having sex with me." Niall sits up, rotating his body to face Niall.  
"What?" Nothing about Zayn has giving away that he is in a long term relationship. Niall has never even seen him with a girl that looks anything like a Girlfriend to him. Zayn nods a smug smile on his face.

"Yep. Calling it the dirty is lame by the way. Just call it sex. Or fucking. I love fucking!" Niall slaps his hand over Zayn's mouth looking around the park relived to find it empty still. Innocent children ears did not need to hear that. 

"They don't mind doing that when your like, high?" A look crosses Zayn's face that Niall can't quite work out, his eye darkening as he flicks some grass off his knee.

"Nah. Think they prefer it actually." Niall frowns, because that doesn't seem right. Who would prefer to have sex with their boyfriend while he was high?  
I mean he can understand why sex is appealing when your off your face, and he wouldn't say no to Harry sucking his dick after he had popped a pill and everything feels so much more intense.   
But to say they prefer it. That's not nice. 

"Anyway, did you hear about Mr Horby getting suspended?" Niall feels like he should question Zayn more about his relationship but he finds it far to funny to think his and Zayn's prank got a teacher in trouble. So he laughs and falls back to the ground and doesn't think about it anymore. 

Xxxx

It's starting to get dark when he trudges up the garden path, his head hanging down because it feels heavy.   
It probably wasn't the best idea to stay out so late that he missed dinner again. And he doubt Liam covered for him this time. 

Zayn took him to the amusements though and then to this really nice fast food place and it was all just too fun teasing him about it being like  date to leave to be honest.  
Fun things come to an end though and Zayn had to leave for his mysterious girlfriend and Niall had to come home to probably be lectured like a baby. 

Things with Harry where not to bad this morning. He could tell Harry was trying to remain positive towards Niall and avoided all subjects likely to start a argument. Harry was going to want to talk to him about it soon though surely? He can't just go from being angry and shouting his head off to suddenly being cool and acting like it didn't happen.   
Especially now that Niall went MIA again. 

He is purposefully quite when he enters the house hoping he can get upstairs to have a shower before he sees Harry. 

Liam is there though. Like a guard dog, waiting for Niall with his arms crossed over his chest and that stern look on his face. It annoys Niall.  
"Where the hell have you been all day? You just vanished." Niall shrugs, his hands raising in the air before slapping back down.

"Was just about. Didn't feel like being at school, i will notify you next time OK. You can heel now." Liam grabs his arm as he moves to pass him, pulling him back again.   
"Were you with Zayn?" Niall rips his arm out of Liam's grip stumbling back a bit.  
"Why? You gonna run tell daddy about it? I was just out Liam i don't need to tell you where I am all the time, I can have a life outside you." Liam steps back, the shock clear on his face. Niall almost feels bad, this is the second time he has snapped at Liam this week and they never fight or bicker. 

"I'm just worried Niall, I think I'm allowed to be. I want to help you, this is not normal. Why are you even letting Zayn do this to you? After the way he has treated you, I don't get it. This isn't how you cope with things Niall. You come to me or dad or your write that is how you cope, you don't do this." Niall thinks of his notebooks upstairs still packed in his suitcase untouched since he got here. Then of his novel that he was sure was going to get him where he needed to be, that he didn't even think to pack when he left his dad's. 

He wanted to be a writer. That was his dream, he was going to travel the world so he could get experiences that he could turn into words on paper.   
When was the last time he even thought about writing? 

"Just leave me alone Liam. Honestly your like a leech." He walks past Liam, his shoulder slamming into him as he went.   
He footsteps are loud on the stairs and match how heavy his feet and the rest of his body feels.  
He just needs to shower then maybe he can grab some time with Harry, who hopefully won't be as annoying as Liam. 

He doesn't noticed Harry watching him from the bottom of the stairs his hand placed protectively on Liam's back. 

Xxxxx

Niall sees it as soon as he walks into Harry's bedroom a couple of hours later. The worry on his face that he forces  into a smile. He wants to talk to Niall about it, he can tell. It's so obvious that the room is filled with the feeling. Niall ignores the urge to leave the room, to flee from any possible situation he might not like. 

He crosses the room, pulling back the covers so he can slip underneath and wrap himself around Harry.   
He is glad to find Harry is wearing just a pair of boxers so he can spread himself across the length of him and just feel him.

"Hi love." Niall smiles running his nose against Harry chest.  
"Hey."  Niall trails kisses up Harry's chest, stops to lick over his nipple's so he can hear Harry gasp and feel his body shiver underneath him, then moves to kiss over his throat before capturing his bottom lip between his.   
"Missed you." Harry whispers against his lips before sliding his hand to the back of his head and deepening the kiss.  
And Niall knows what Harry means.  
Because they have seen each other everyday, and it was not that long ago that they where here, in this bed, panting and moaning and coming. But he missed Harry, felt like it had been weeks since he last touched him. 

"Not enough. Don't get enough time with you." Harry hums in the back of his throat, hands moving to grip Niall's waist, their lips sliding together and their tongues exploring and tasting. 

Its being here Niall thinks, here is this house with Liam down the hallway. He is with Harry but his mind still finds a way to focus on Liam being so close. What would happen if he walked in? How badly  this would hurt him. The fallout would be horrendous. Niall losing Liam. Harry could lose Liam.   
So they are here together in the way the want and need but it still doesn't feel like enough because they can't really be together can they. 

Niall slows the kiss down, easing himself off Harry his hands moving up to cup his face.   
"I really like you Harry." Harry smiles running his nose across Niall's cheek.  
"Really like you too." Niall pushes his cheeks together, laughing when Harry's lip puckered out.   
"I wish we got more time alone. To just be me and you. Feels like so much has been going on since we started this." He bends down to kiss and bite at Harry's jawline, enjoying the way Harry twitches and holds on to him tighter.   
"Just want some time to be with you ya know? With nothing else to think about or worry about. Want to be able to shut my mind off and focus on just you so I can give you all of me." Harry let's out a shaky breath his hands traveling down the slope of Niall's back to rest just above his bum.   
"I will sort something. I will get us some time baby. Just you and me." Niall smiles into Harry skin. He really hopes he means that.  
"Just you and me and no clothes?" Harry laughs, the movement jolting Niall's body.  
"There will be a strict no clothes allowed rule. I want you to talk to me a little though baby. Can you do that?" That's fair he suppose. He can't expect Harry to never want Niall to open up and talk to him. He used to do it all the time. It helped and it's what brought them so close together.

"Talking and sex?" Harry pulls back so he can look down at Niall, his swollen red lips parted. Niall watches his throat bobbing as he swallows.   
"If that is what you want at the time then yes, talking and sex." Niall giggles hiding his face in Harry's neck.  
"I mean it when I say I want you to have all of me. Feels like you would get to keep something when I am gone." Harry's fingers move gently over Niall's back, the soft movement making Niall slump boneless into him.  
"Already feels like I have pieces of you to keep, the most special pieces in the world."


	24. Chapter 24

Niall is woken by Harry before the sun rises on Saturday morning. He bundles Niall up in a thick jumper and helps him into his shoes before leaving the house and getting into the car. Niall's eyes are still half closed when Harry places a travel mug of tea in his cup holder and pulls out of the driveway, music playing softly.

"Where we going?" He voice is slurred with sleep, his head bobbing with the car movement. Harry glances at him, his mouth twitching up into a smile because he looks so soft and sleepy, blonde hair a mess and eyes all puffy.

"I'm taking you somewhere, just going to be me and you this weekend." Niall hums looking out the window, everything a blur trough his tired eyes.

"Liam." Harry reaches over the gear stick to squeeze Nialls thighs.

"Louis going to deal with that. You go back to sleep love." Niall sighs, pouting when Harry's hand leaves to change gears. 

"Just you and me?" 

"Just you and me baby." 

xxxxxxxxxx

When Niall wakes up its light outside and he is alone in the car. He rubs his eyes sitting up straight, unbuckling his seat belt as he looks around. The car is parked in a car park of what looks like a hotel. There are a few shops and restaurants along the road behind him but nothing gives away where they are. He goes to check the time but cant find his phone in any of his pockets. He looks in the back seat and see's a small bag so drags in trough to the front and opens the zip.His phone and charger are sat right on the top so he grabs it out and places the bag back. Its 8am, he locks his phone, slipping it back into his pocket and is about to get out the car when he sees Harry jogging back towards him. he yanks the driver door open grinning. 

"You're awake!" He leans round to grab the bag pecking Niall on the lips.

"Yeah. where are we?" Harry motions for him to get out the car so he does, Harry coming round to meet him on his side. 

"We are in Cambridge." Niall looks around a smile slowly creeping up on his face. It was a relief to be away from everything. And to be with Harry alone. 

"And we are staying here for the weekend?" Harry nods kissing Niall's forehead.

"Yep, all weekend. Some proper alone time finally. Sorry I had to take us to a hotel to get it." Niall shrugs grabbing Harry's hand.

"Hotels are nice. It will be like a holiday."   
"OK great, well I checked us in while you where asleep so we can head on up." Harry leads Niall into the hotel, his hand placed on his lower back.   
"Harry how much did this cost?" From the outside the hotel looked like a bog standard building but inside was a different story. The lobby was beautiful and really large. Most the people walking around where wearing business suits making Niall stand out like a sore thumb in his pyjamas. There was a gift shop and a restaurant and a few doors they lead off to god knows what. Niall guessed some of them were conference rooms after he saw a couple of suits go inside. 

He could hear a piano playing, who even wants to listen to that this early whilst eating breakfast. 

"It wasn't that much. Don't worry about it anyway. We deserve a treat I think." Niall is still staring around the lobby as Harry tugs him into the lift.   
"It's so shiny and big. Oh my god it's like pretty woman. I'm Vivian Ward." Harry laughs pressing the button for the 8th floor.  
"If you mean a prostitute then maybe not." The door thuds shut ending Niall's pretty woman fantasy playing out in his head. He looks at Harry who was already looking down at him and feels the butterfly's start to flutter about it in his stomach.   
They where about to be in a hotel room.  
He could possibly lose his virginity to Harry. Oh god.   
"You OK?" Niall nods and lets out a weird squeak that he really hopes Harry forgets. The lift doors ping open again, Niall bundles out dragging Harry with him.  
"Which way! This is so exciting. Come on Edward."   
"Oh god shh " harry laughs leading him to the left until the reach the door numbered 854.   
"Oooo open it. Open it."   
"I'm starting to think you have never seen a hotel room before." Niall shoves his shoulder playfully cheering when the door beeps and opens.   
"What a posh beep." Harry laughs again pushing Niall into the room . 

Niall is greeted with a large room, a queen sized white bed placed in the middle against the wall to his left, below a massive picture that Niall is sure is of a naked woman. The end wall is all glass, leading out to a balcony with a small grey corner sofa tucked to the side. Niall can't wait to curl up on that with a cup of tea to watch the sunset. 

A narrow dressing table is against the wall on Niall's left, right next to a doorway leading to what must be the bathroom. 

The carpet feels spongy beneath his shoes so he quickly kicks them off to dig his toes in.   
"This is really nice Harry." Niall walks across the room to look outside. They are the opposite side of where they parked the car, their view is of a strip of shops already bursting with people.  
"We can do loads of people watching from here. That's going to be fun." He turns round to see Harry placing the bag at the end of the bed, his eyes on Niall.

"I'm glad you like it. I pack an outfit for you, and some more pyjamas. Toothbrush obviously. And also a notebook just in case you felt the need to jot stuff down." Niall's heart swells. Harry had actually thought to bring along his notebook. He wonders if Harry noticed that he hasn't written for days. 

"Where does Liam think we are?"  
"Louis was over when we left, he is going to tell Liam you went with me to open up the shop, you have done it before so he won't question it. Then Louis is going to take him to his family cabin to fish until late Sunday." Niall nods poking at the glass of the window with his finger.

 "How come we came here then? If the house is empty." Niall is glad they came here though, it was nice being somewhere new where he could just get lost in Harry.

 "I wanted you to be able to relax. I thought if we stayed at home you might be worried about Liam coming home suddenly. Nice to get a change off scenery to." Harry's right, Niall would have been on alert for Liam to suddenly appear and catch them. They had been lucky so far, they didn't need to risk anything. 

"I was really mean to him."  
"I know. I heard." Niall closes his eyes, guilt flooding him when he thought back to the look on Liam's face.   
"I'm sorry." Harry moves to stand next to him.  
"Not me you need to say sorry too. I'm sure he understands that your emotions are a little haywire at the moment. He knows you didn't mean it." Still, he shouldn't have spoken to Liam like that. Not when Liam was just being worried about him. He was acting the same way Niall would if he thought Liam was in trouble. He was lucky to have someone who cared. 

"Niall. Do I need to get you help? Or talk to your dad? I feel like I should be doing something." Niall steps away from the window, shoulders suddenly feeling heavy.   
Of course he wasn't going to be shut away in a hotel room with Harry without talking about this. 

"I don't need help, I'm not like addicted. It's only been like three maybe four times. I don't feel like I always need to be taken something. And if dad finds out I started taken drugs while staying with you he might not let me near you or Liam again. So please don't." Harry follows Niall over to the bed, both sitting down on the end feet spread out in front of them. 

"OK. Well is there anything I can do? For like If you want to do it again? Ecstasy is a serious drug, not to mention illegal. I don't want you throwing away you future over it. That's not the kind of person you are." Niall lets out a breath, lips puffing out.

"I don't think I really know who I am since I lost Ma. I haven't really felt like me. The first time I took it, I was a little drunk and Zayn just made it sound so... So freeing I guess. The thought of being able to just leave my head and be happy was nice. And it was nice. I was happy." 

"You're not happy any other times?" Niall smiles taking Harry's hand in his own.  
"I'm happy when i'm with you. I feel a little like myself then. Don't feel like jumping out my skin ya know? But I don't get to always be around you the way I need. So I guess I was filling that space with whatever I could." Harry holds Niall's hand a little tighter and Niall thinks he knows him enough to know he is feeling guilty about that now. 

"I can make more time for you. I would actually really like to get more time myself, feels like I spend a lot of time missing you. Doesn't even have to be about getting to kiss and touch you, just want to be around you." Niall love, loves , the thought of spending as much time with Harry as he possible can. Liam would not even find it odd if they where hanging out loads together. Harry has never been one of them dad that you just want to leave the room so the fun can start. He has always been a big part of Niall and Liam's friendship, is there for most of the really good memories they have together. Harry has never really been just Liam's dad, he has kinda been a friend too. It's hard to be around Harry now without looking at him a certain way, a simple movement of his face that would give him away. And he reaches out for him without even knowing and Harry accepts it without knowing. They just seem to gravitate towards each other now and any time spent with Harry near Liam feels like to big a risk. 

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I will end up kissing you or something and he will see. We have been so lucky so far, if he finds out Harry its going to destroy all of us." Harry sighs moving Niall's hair from his forehead. 

"What if I give you a job at the shop, you only have one week left of school and then you can spend as much time with me at work as you like, just tell Liam your working for me to add some money to your savings. You can revise for you exams between customers and it wont matter if we kiss, or touch, or share a sneaky blow job or two in the back." Niall laughs, Harry waggling his eyebrows. That actually sounds like a really good idea. There is a two week break before they all have to head back into school for their GCSE, and sure Liam might sometimes tag along but he will mostly want to spend his days with Macy. It was actually the perfect solution.

"Yeah, I think that would really help Harry. I don't want you to actually pay me though. I'm just happy to be able to hang out with you." 

"OK, deal. Obviously I don't expect you to spend all your time with me, just whenever you feel like you need to." All the time, Niall thinks, I need you all the time. And he doesn't think he realised that until now. God he needs Harry. 

Niall leans over to capture Harry's lips with his, Harry quick to kiss back his hand traveling to the back of Niall's head to keep him in place. 

Niall loves the way his body reacts to Harry. The goosebumps, the chills, the racing heart, the toe curling, and the warmth in his stomach. Its like everything he has even read about in love stories, all the things he had hoped where true. He really hoped Harry felt all those things to, he deserved them. 

They shuffled back onto the bed, both grinning like idiots making their teeth clash together and their foreheads bump as they move about. They finally get to the pillows Niall laying back with Harry hovering over him, deepening the kiss now that they have finally settled. Niall lifts his legs up, wrapping them around Harry waist and hooking his ankles together as he pulls Harry down to press against him more. Until he can feel his heart beating against his own, can feel his hips digging into his in a way that is almost painful but feels to good, can feel his dick pressing into his leg. Harry's thumbs caress the side of Niall's face before dragging down to rest on his throat pushing down gently, making Niall gasp out a moan his lips parting for Harry tongue. Harry hums before pulling away with a smirk.

"We will defiantly explore that one later." Niall blushes and goes to cover his face with his hands but Harry captures his wrist in his own large hand and pins them to the pillow above Niall's head, swooping back down to kiss him again. 

Harry undresses Niall slowly, making sure to kiss every inch of his skin as its exposed to him, enjoying the way Niall's skin flushes red where he has touched. He stands at the end of the bed looking down at Niall, naked and spread out for him as he removes his own clothes, eyes staying on Niall's wide blue ones. 

He climbs back on, both moaning when their hard cocks touched. 

"Your so beautiful Niall, want to keep you in here forever." Niall buries his face into Harry neck licking and kissing at the skin.

"I would let you." He runs his hand over Harry's chest, down to the butterfly on his stomach. Or is it a moth? Niall had never actually asked. He kind of likes not knowing. He likes the mystery behind Harry's tattoos. He likes the idea that he might learn them all as time passes. One by one. He is hit then with how little time they have, and that he probably wont get to find out every story that is inked onto Harry skin before he leaves and no longer gets to have Harry this way again. He swallows around the dry lump in his throat, looking up at Harry who is looking right back a small smile on his face.

"What you thinking about?" Niall let out a nervous breath, moving his hands around to Harry's back, feeling the muscles tensing as he hold himself up.

"Want you inside me." Harry drops his head to Niall's, his eyes fluttering closed a small moan rumbling in his throat, his hips shifting a little.

"You sure? Because that's not why I brought you here. I didn't come here to have sex with you. I don't expect it." Niall tucks Harry's hair behind his ears. Like Niall would ever think that was Harry intention. He was ready though, he felt comfortable with Harry and safe. Harry would take care of him and be gentle and make him feel beautiful. He wanted Harry to be his first, he wanted that memory when he went away. He wanted to always be able to look back at his first time and see Harry. 

"I'm really sure. I want this with you, you don't have to worry about that." 

"OK, OK yeah. Just... you sure?" Niall laughs pecking Harry's mouth.

"Yes I'm sure. I trust you, I want this." 

"Ok Jesus, sorry. Its just this is a big deal for you. I need to get this right." Niall sits up, pushing Harry up with him.

"Don't overthink it. Just know that I want you and you can't do anything wrong. I know its going to like hurt and stuff. I trust you." Harry stares at Niall for a moment, Niall can't work out what he is thinking. This moment feels massive though. This is really going to happen.   
Niall thought he would be scared when it came to losing his virginity. But he feels relaxed, a little excited. He can't wait to have Harry push inside him, to be as close to Harry as he possibly can be. 

Harry climbs off the bed going over to the bag he brought, rummaging around inside. Niall shamelessly looks at his bare bum as he bends over, a smirk on his face, his hand lazily running over his lower stomach, his cock still full between his legs. 

Harry walks back over to the bed, dropping down next to Niall placing a box of condoms and a bottle of lube on the pillow next to them, a sheepish look on his face.  
"I promise I was not planning this. I just wanted to be prepared just in case. I'm not a jerk promise." Niall giggles, rolls his eyes and tugs at Harry hair.  
"You could never be a jerk. Thank you for being prepared though." Harry moves the box to the side, out if Niall's eye line, like he thinks looking at the box was making him nervous. He pulls Niall closer kissing him slowly and deep, his hands running over his body until they finally settle wrapped around his cock. 

He pumps Niall slowly, stopping at the tip to push his thumb into the slit slightly to gather up some precum to spread over his length. 

"I'm going to open you up. It will be a little... different from when I fingered you because I will need to stretch you at as much as I can." Niall swallows his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

"Alright. That's fine." He notices Harry's hand shaking as he pops the cap of the lube, squirting some on his fingers. It's sweet, that Harry is nervous, that Harry wants this to be good for Niall. He actually settles any nerves Niall could have knowing it was also a big deal for him.

Harry moves down the bed, his lips pressing to Niall's stomach, Niall's legs falling open more. His jolts when he feels the tip of Harry's finger touch his rim, his back tensing when Harry slowly slides it in up to his knuckle, the coldness of the ring on his finger making him moan loudly.

"Jesus Harry. Your ring, your fucking ring." Harry looks down his eyes going wide.  
"Oh sorry. I wasn't wearing them last time. I will take them off."   
"You take them off and I will actually kill you. It's the hottest thing ever. Holy shit I love your rings." Harry mouth forms a perfect circle, then falls into a smirk as he pulls out a little then slides back in again with two fingers.  
"Oh god." Niall grips at the sheets, bunching them up and dragging then towards him. He feels full, enjoys the slight burn. And he feels hot where Harry's fingers are moving but also cold from the lube and the metal rubbing against his rim every time Harry thrusts his finger back in. 

It does feel different this time, like Harry said. This time just before Harry drags his fingers downwards he stretches them out, making Niall feel fuller then he has before, it's like a dry burn but Niall kind of loves it because Harry is getting him ready. Getting his body ready to take him.   
"Oh god Harry." Harry starts mouthing at Niall's cock, not taking it fully into his mouth, doing just enough to tease Niall, distract him as he starts to scissor his finger more inside him getting him ready for a third finger. 

Niall can feel sweat starting to gather at his hairline, the dip of his back and the back of his knees, he almost dies when he looks down to see Harry inches from his cock lips glistening from his precum. 

"Holy shit." His head flops back in the bed and he braces himself when Harry fingers pull all the way out.   
"Relax." Niall exhales as Harry pushes three fingers into him.   
"Ah." It hurts this time. Not enough to make him want to stop, but enough to bring a tear to his eyes. He tries not to think to much about how it will feel when it's Harry's cock, something that will push in deeper then his fingers, open him more then his fingers can.   
"You OK?" Niall nods, brings his hand up to his mouth in a fist to stop himself from whimpering. It's not terrible, it's still enjoyable actually, but god it burns. 

Harry keeps going, moving his fingers, pushing up deep and parting his fingers slightly each time his eyes focused on Niall's face for any signs that he should stop. At one point he has to reach down to his own dick and squeeze just to get some kind of relief because his has three fingers inside Niall and he is warm and soft and tight and Harry doesn't know how he is not going to come the second he gets inside him. 

He waits until Niall has relaxed slightly, his legs going loose and his back once again flat to the bed and small little wines leaving his lips, then he flicks his wrist up pushing into him a little harder hitting Niall prostate dead on. 

"Fuck!" Niall's legs draw back, his hand flying above his head to grab at the headboard, his cock twitching and a spurt of precum leaking out.   
"Oh god, god yes. Oh my god." Harry keeps going, keeping the same pace as he moves up to kiss Niall.   
The kiss is sloppy and mostly just Niall moaning into Harry's mouth as he brushed against his prostate again and again, it's good like this. It makes Niall relax and focus on how good it feels so Harry can stretch him that little bit more without causing him to much discomfort.   
He slows down once Niall feels looser, slowly pulling his fingers out and wiping them on the bed sheet. 

Niall is panting, his eyes wide and blown, cheeks tainted red and his hair a sweaty mess, Harry doesn't think he has ever look so good before. 

"You still sure about this?" Niall nods, he was so sure, sure that he would kill someone if Harry stopped now.   
"Yes please." He watches Harry slid on the condom with ease and can't help but get a twinge of jealousy when he thinks of all the times he has done it before. Which is not far really is it. Niall doesn't have a right to be jealous that Harry has slept with other people. 

He is brought out of his thoughts by Harry rubbing more lube around his hole, fingers slipping in only slightly before he goes to slicking himself up. 

Niall can feel him shaking as he gets back between his legs, pushing them apart a little with his knees to make more room.  
"Hey." He lifts Harry's head up so they are looking at each other.   
"You're amazing you know. Making me feel so good." He gives Niall a smile and a small laugh that is more shaky breath then anything else.   
"You're something special." He lines himself up, both of them gasping at the feel of his tip pressing against Niall's hole.   
He levels his body with Niall's, moves one of his arms under his back and gathers him up close to him until they are chest to chest, his lips touching Niall's, not kissing but just simply touching. He squeezes Niall's hand one before reaching down to grab himself again and push inside. 

Niall gasps his back arching and his head falling back. 

It hurts. It really does. But Harry is inside him and it's so much. Niall can't work out of he wants to moan or cry.   
Harry bites down hard on his lip, his eyes clenching shut as he tries to not push in to quickly. To grab Niall and fuck into him hard like he so badly would like to. 

Once he bottoms out he starts kissing Niall, lips easily sliding together. Niall is shaking, his legs tensed and squeezing at Harry hips and Harry know he is not going to be able to move until Niall relaxes more.   
"Relax baby." Niall takes a deep breath and tries his hardest to relax his muscles, to let his body adjust to having Harry inside him. He got to admit he didn't think it would hurt this much. 

"It hurts."  
"I know. Do you want me to stop?" Niall shakes his head, searching for Harry's hand on the bed,smiling when he finds it and their finger tangle together.  
"No. I want you to move." Harry wants to tell him no, that he should stay like this until Niall has got used to him. But he also knows that Niall wants to feel in control in this moment so he starts to move, just small little hip thrusts and hopes it doesn't hurt to badly. 

He feels so good. So tight and warm and so Niall, he can't stop the moans from spilling out feeling terrible that it feels so good for him when it doesn't for Niall yet. 

It helps though, it helps Niall to see and hear Harry in so much pleasure. Knowing it's his body giving it to him is the hottest thing ever.   
He relaxes more with each thrusts, can feel himself fitting around Harry a bit better each time. 

It gets easier and Niall can raise his legs up and wrap them around Harry with ease. Can move his hands down to his back and push him in a little deeper. 

A moan is ripped from his throat and he can't seem to stop after that. Soft little "uh uh uh's" leaving his lips as Harry fucks into him.   
"God Niall, oh shit" Niall can't explain the feeling building up in his chest. He has heard so many horror stories about people having sex for the first time. Yes it hurt, like a bitch but he has never felt as close to a person before. Has never felt this feeling that is there, ready to burst out of his chest. It has him pulling Harry closer just so they can share the same breath, so he can swallow Harry's moans and whimpers of his name.   
He wants to ask Harry what this is, what this thing that is about to explode of of him is but he can't form words. Can only moan and sob and pull at Harry trying to get closer and closer.   
"I'm close, you feel so good baby. So fucking tight around me." How is he even talking when Niall feels like the breath has been punched out of him in the best way possible.   
Harry sifts, grabbing Niall's legs and moving them further up his side's the new angle hitting Niall's prostate. He screams out, his toes curling and then he is coming all over his and Harry stomach, his orgasm hitting him so hard and so suddenly that he blacks out, his head sinking into the pillow.

He can faintly hear the sound of Harry coming inside him and he wants to go back, rewind and hear it again because he sounds so strung out and it's Niall make him make that noise. It's Harry coming inside Niall and nothing has felt more surreal but so right before. Niall feels another spurt of come hit his stomach and Harry twitches then stills inside him, cursing before flopping down on his chest Niall's come smearing between them, mixing with the sweat. 

They don't talk for a while, just hold each other and catch their breath both coming down from an incredible high. 

Niall while body feels slack, and he is hit with such a tiredness that he can't even move to lift his hand to Harry's, who seem to sense what he wants and takes Niall's instead.   
And there is so many emotions surging through him and he can't work out how he feels. It's good though, so good. 

He starts crying then. Sudden and loud making Harry jump.  
"Niall." He sounds panicked. Like he has done something to hurt him or cause him distress when all he does is making Niall feel happy and safe and loved.   
"Oh god I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying." Harry smiles fondly down at him, placing a soft kiss between his brows.  
"It's OK. It felt like a big thing yeah." Niall nods sniffing as Harry wipes at his eyes.  
"It's normal to get emotional after, I promise. It won't happen next time. If you want there to be a next time that is." Niall scoffs, then lets out another sob.  
"There needs to be so many next times. Never want to stop." Harry laughs loudly rolling off Niall to lay next to him.  
"I forgot what it was like to be sixteen and not need a few hours in-between. Think you can manage a shower." Niall doesn't think he can move ever again. 

Harry gives him half a hour before he picks him up and carries him to the bathroom, letting out a squeal when he sees the cute little toiletries all lined up on the shelf. 


	25. chapter 25

Shortly after Niall had came out to Liam the pair had snuck Harry's laptop into his room and under the covers of Liam's bed googled about Gay sex. (They may have stumbled across gay porn by accident leading to Niall getting his first boner in front of Liam but that's a different story all together) They where at an age where they had started talking and thinking about sexual things and Niall was terrified at the thought of one day having a dick go up his bum, or even the thought of being trusted enough to put his in one. A butt hole was small, like really small. And most dicks were rather bigger. So they googled and they read horror stories that made Niall vow to never have sex but they also found sweet stories that made Niall think he might maybe find someone that he would trust enough to do it. It definitively seemed like a bigger deal then having sex with a woman, to him anyway.

He expected pain, and he got pain. The first time Harry pushed into him it did hurt, and it hurt for a while after too. What he did not expect was the other feelings he got along with it, how much fun he would have and how he would feel so impossible closer to Harry that he could cry. He certainly did not expect to get so addicted to the feeling and not being able to keep his hands off him. Not that it mattered because Harry was having the same problem.

It was growing dark outside now and the whole day had been spent with Harry and Niall wrapped up in each other. Fucking, kissing, tasting, pulling, biting, licking, sucking. They couldn't get enough, having far to much fun exploring each other.

Niall found out that he loved it when Harry went slow, when he held him tightly to him and fucked into him slowly hips barely moving, building him up and up until he was begging for Harry to let him come. But he also loved it when he was rough. When he moved and twisted Niall into the position he wanted him in, when he pinned his hips down or grabbed his wrist and kept them above his head, or when he wrapped his hand lightly around his throat rings digging into his skin. God did Niall have a kink for his rings. He loved when Harry fucked into him hard, when he let himself go without worrying to much about hurting Niall.

He found out that Harry tasted a little different in some areas of his body, but his favourite place so far has got to be his arse. He didn't think he would by the kind of boy to enjoy eating someone out but he could happily spend the rest of his life with his face buried between Harry's cheeks, listening to the way Harry sobbed, his face pressed into the pillow and his arse pushing Niall's tongue in deeper. He got such a high from wreaking Harry until he was a crying mess.

Harry had taken him in the shower, bent over the bathroom sink, against the wall, on the sofa, too many times to count on the bed, a couple of times on the floor and once on the dressing table. They had fucked standing up and with Niall on all fours and with Niall on top, Harry holding onto his waist and showing him how best to move for it to be good for him. Niall had got his body into potions he didn't even think were possible

Niall was covered from his chest down with love bites and bruises and scratches, Harry looking much the same. And its not smart really, marking each other up so much. Its hard to be smart when you have a dick inside you Niall has found.

They had stopped twice for food but had only managed a couple of bites each time before throwing the plates to the side and going at it again.

Niall was sure his dick was going to fall off soon. His was practically coming dry now, his orgasms boarding on painful. Harry was the same, sticky with sweat and come, hair plastered to his face and neck, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

Maybe Niall was going to kill him, now that would be a hard one to explain to Liam.

Harry collapses next to Niall, rolling on to his back his hands rubbing at his face.

"I think I have to stop. You feel so good, like oh my god. I need to stop though, Please don't think I am old" Niall laughs, turning on to his side. He slings his arms and legs over Harry the effort of moving making him groan.

"You're not old, pretty sure you matched my stamina rather well." Niall loved feeling so fucked out. He enjoyed the dull ache around his lower back, he enjoyed feeling so unbelievable stretched out by Harry, he even managed to enjoy being covered in his own come.

"Well i'm pretty sure we need to eat an actual meal and wash. Should probably wash separately to or we will just go again." Niall throws the covers off him, they also need to get some fresh sheets, his legs shaking as he stands up stretching his arms above his head.

"Ugh, God you look so good." He blushes at Harry's complement. How is it that he can be laid out for Harry all day but still blush at such a simple thing.

"I will go shower first, you order us something to eat that will taste as good as i look." Harry watches Niall walk around the bed, grabbing a fresh set of pyjamas out of the bag as he passes.

"Not possible, you are the tastiest thing ever." Niall snorts shaking his head at Harry.

"Your a dork, something with loads of meat please."

"Have you not had enough meat today?" Niall shoot Harry a look pushing the bathroom door open.

"You need to stop." Harry laughs loudly the sound being muffled as Niall shuts the door on him, and locks it just in case. He actually does really need a break from sex.

He takes his time in the shower, turning the water around to really hot feeling like he had layer upon layers of dried sweat covering his body. He takes time to let the water hit his back soothing the ache there before washing his hair and getting out to pull his clean clothes on.

Harry walks in as soon as Niall unlocks the door a goofy smile still on his face.  
"Food will be here in fourty five minutes." They kiss before Niall steps out the room Harry shutting the door behind him.

Niall is impressed to find clean bedding on the bed already and happily flops down inhaling the fresh scent. He digs his phone out from the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, laughing when he sees Liam has sent him a selfie of him and Louis holding up a rather ugly fish.

Caught my own dinner like a man and stuff. Hope ur not to bored at home. Miss ya m8.

"Oh Liam." Niall quickly types out a reply letting Liam know he was proud of his manly stuff and that he is not bored.

He feels bad lying to him. Feels terrible that Louis has whisked him away so Niall could be holed up in a hotel room with his dad.

He has had sex with Liam's dad.  
Liam would actually kill him.

Harry comes out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam looking all rosey cheeked and fresh.

"Hey Harry, how come Liam never took your last name." Harry grabbed a pair of jogging bottoms out of the bag, opening and dropping his towle.

"Rebecca wanted to keep it as Payne to like honour his dad. She was going to give him the choice when he turned sixteen. I asked him on his birthday and he asked to keep it as Payne." Harry lays on the bed next to Niall on his stomach, wet droplets rolling down his chest from his hair.   
"Did that upset you? That he didn't want your name? He never told me that." Harry pulls his bottom lip between his fingers, shrugging.

"No, not really. It's not like his dad was a massive dick. He went missing, Liam should have his name. He loved his mum, I'm sure he would have been a good dad if he had the chance to be. It's seems right if you ask me." Niall traces his fingers over Harry's eyebrows, smiling when Harry's eyes roll up to try and see what he was doing.

"You really loved her didn't you." Harry grabs Niall's hand in his bringing it down to rest on the bed in front of him.  
"Yeah. I still do really. She will always have a piece of my heart." Niall wiggles his hand out of Harry grip, flattening it against his chest.

"I wish I got to meet her. I bet you where cute." Niall has never felt any jealousy towards Harry's wife. And he genuinely whishes Harry had never lost her, that he never had to go through that and still had his perfect family.   
"You would have liked her. She liked words like you do, you two would have had some killer boring conversations." Niall hits Harry's chest giving him a evil look.   
"I'm joking. I'm sure it would have been proper sexy hearing you both drone on and on about Shakespeare's and the beauty of words expressing something or another."

"You think you would have still fancied me? If she was still here."

"I think that I never looked at another person from the moment I saw her so I have no idea. She is not here though, and I do fancy you, quite a lot actually." Harry puckers his lips making stupid kissy noises until Niall leans up and kisses him.   
"I'm sorry you lost her." Harry nuzzles into the side of Niall's head.  
"Me too. Death is a part of life though, we all lose someone, we just have to make the best of what's left"

Xxxx

Turns out Harry ordered them a feast.  
Lasagna, chips, burgurs, salad, rice, chicken and pizza followed by some chocolate cake, fruit and cheesecake.

"So I may have been too hungry when i ordered and got far to excited." Niall was already filling he mouth with a mixture of chips and chicken when Harry took a seat next to him at the sofa.  
"You're eating with me it's fine. Can't remember the last time I sat and ate a proper cooked meal." Harry picks up a plate purposefully not looking at Niall.

"Yeah well, you haven't exactly been home at meal times lately." Nialls fork pauses halfway to his mouth his eyes boring into the side of his head.  
"Sorry, I guess I haven't." Harry suddenly smiles, like it not a big deal that Niall has been staying out late and coming home snapping at everyone.   
"This taste so good right." Niall smiles, tight and forced, trying a piece of the food Harry was offering him.  
"Yeah, really good." Niall tries to ignore the tension he can suddenly feel between them. Harry doesn't l seem to be feeling it. Chatting away as he nibbles his food, occasionally leaning over to kiss him softly or place some food into his mouth. So Niall pushes it away and ignores it.

"You going to talk to your dad soon?" He doesn't want to. He could happily get on his plane in three weeks and fly off without caring about talking to his dad. But he is not that cruel.

"I think I will get all my revision and GCSE's out of the way then go have a chat with him. He hasn't exactly been calling me up or knocking on your door to speak to me."

"That's smart I guess, making sure you focus on education first. I hope you can both clear the air before you go, I don't want you to regret anything." The subject drops after that as Harry phone rings, a song by years and years blasting out. He shoves another forkful of food into his mouth standing up and shimmering over to his phone. Niall shakes his head, a smile taking up half his face and Harry does a twirl before answering.

"Hey Li having fun?" Niall can faintly hear Liam chatting back in the background. He started picking at his food because yeah, that makes him feel like shit. He is a terrible friend.

"That's cool- yeah it's been fine- just working- oh no um, we are out eating- thought we could have some fun if you are." Harry sits down on the end of the bed. "That's great- you be careful out there tomorrow- love you too mate." Harry hangs up throwing his phone behind him, his head dropping down.

Niall swollows, his throat suddenly feeling dry as he looks at Harry.  
"That's the first time I have lied to him. Like before we just were not telling him. He rang the house phone first so wanted to know why we didn't answer. And he wanted to know how my day was and I couldn't tell him so I lied." Niall's guilt was like a tight ball in his stomach. Liam and Harry's relationship was like nothing Niall had seen before and Niall was putting that at risk. And for what reason? Just to leave? He was letting Harry risk his relationship with his son just so Niall could have him for a few weeks.

"Harry, I'm sorry. It shouldn't, I shouldn't have gone after you so strongly. I should have listened the first time you said this couldn't happen. We can end this if you want. After tonight we can go home and I can go back to my dad's if you want and we don't have to lie anymore." Harry gets up, making his way over to Niall quickly. He pushes the food to the side climbing into Niall's lap taking his head in his hands.  
"No. No way, I don't want to stop this. I'm not sure I even could after having you like I have today. God Niall I really, really like you. I don't want it to end, and it doesn't have to. And when you come home again, if you want to keep doing this maybe we can tell Liam about it." The thought of coming home to Harry waiting for him was so appealing and perfect and just what he wanted. But he didn't want Harry putting his life on hold for him.

"I don't want you waiting for me, not if something comes along. How about when I get back if you're free and I'm free we see what happens?" Harry nods drawing Niall up for a kiss.   
Just three more weeks. They can do this, all this sneaking around for three more weeks.

Xxxxxx

Harry is coming back from taking a piss when it hits him.   
He stops at the end of the bed so he can look down at Niall who was curled up under the blanket fast asleep. His bare foot was sticking out the side of the bed, his left arm raised above his head and the other laying on the space Harry had previously been asleep on, like he had been reaching out for him. The thought makes Harry's stomach flop and his heart swell.

Niall looks so at peace, in a way Harry hadn't really seen for a while. His face relaxed, youthful and so beautiful. He watches ,his chest rise and fall for a moment, resisting the urge to climb on top of him and place his ear there to listen to his heart beat.

It's 3am and Harry should be going back to sleep. His whole body was exhausted, he ached all the way to his bones.

Something as simple as getting into bed with Niall and settling down to sleep had completely blown his mind. How natural it felt. How Niall just slotted so well into his arms, his body curving perfectly with Harry's as they fell asleep.   
When he jolted awake five minutes ago to Niall still pressed to him he thought he was going to burst, or cry. It felt so right.

He grabs a jumper putting it on over his white top, then slots his phone into his pocket before grabbing the room key. He closes the door as quietly as he can, really hoping Niall doesn't wake up while he is gone. He wants Niall to wake up to him and not a empty bed.

The lobby is silent as Harry steps off the lift. The young girl behind reception looks up and smiles politely at him as he passes, the only other people down here is a man in a suit leading a young woman in a ridiculously short dress towards the lifts. Harry smiles to himself knowing that Niall would have made some kind of pretty woman reference if he saw that.

The air is quite warm when he steps outside, but not enough to make him want to remove a layer. He spots a bench just outside the carpark walking over to take a seat.

He looks about for a bit, the street littered with a few people who look like they have been clubbing. He can faintly hear music so figured there must be a club nearby.

He eventually takes his phone out dialing Louis number.

"Hello." Louis voice sounds slurred with sleep and Harry is happy he is not in front of him right now, he would be getting a slap for sure.  
"Hey." Louis let's out a loud, annoyed sigh.  
"There better be a good reason you're calling me at...3:30am....fucking hell. Niall better be dead." Harry smiles looking down at his feet. He didn't put shoes on. How did he not noticed that?  
"How's Liam."  
"He is fine. You spoke to him. Harry I hate you. Why are you calling?" Harry tucks his feet under the bench, letting our a puff of air his free hand tugging on his hair.   
"Harry." Louis sound a little more alert now, the sounds of bedsheet rustling letting Harry know he is getting out of bed.  
"What's happened? Did something happen with Niall?"   
"I'm going to fall in love with him Louis. I am falling in love with him." There is silence. A really long stretch of silence they makes Harry feel on edge, then-  
"Oh Harry. No you can't." Harry drops his head. He knew Louis was going to say that. Falling in love with Niall is the worse thing he could do. This was supposed to be...well actually he doesn't know what this is supposed to be. Fun? Just getting it out of thier systems so they didn't have to keep avoiding each other.

He is not getting it out of his system though. He is just finding out more and more things about Niall he is crazy about. He can imagine himself with Niall, he can imagine them older and still together and in love.   
"I don't think it's a choice Lou, it's already happening. He is going to leave and I am going to be here still, in love with him and it's going to really suck. A year, I'm not going to see him for a year and I'm not sure how I'm going to do that."   
"You're going to do that because he is a kid and it's what he wants to do and he shouldn't have to change his plans because you have been foolish enough to fall for him. Jesus Harry what about Liam? How are you going to explain to him that you are in love with his bloody best friend." Harry watches a couple of girls pass on the other side of he road, arms link and heads together as they laugh.

"I don't know. It's so unfair that I finally find someone that could come close to what I had with Rebecca and its a bloody sixteen year old that I cant really have. It's not fair. He makes me happy."

"You been having sex?" Harry frowns, narrowing his eyes.  
"What's that got to do with anything?"  
"So you have. Well great, you are probably just in some post orgasmic high and it will pass. You're not going to fall in love with him Harry. Because this is just some casual thing yeah, just some fun before he heads off into the sunset and you go back to being the best dad you can be and looking for someone your own age " Louis either doesn't understand it or is purposefully ignoring what Harry is telling him. He didn't want to watch Niall go off into the bloody sunset. He wants to make Niall his, like proper. He wants Niall to never leave. He wants Niall with him every second of every day.

"Your not being very supportive." His voice is cold when he talks, and he needs to be careful really because Louis's his voice of reason and he has never pushed Harry in the wrong direction before.   
"I am being supportive. He is going to leave and you are going to be left behind and Liam is still going to be there needing you to be his dad. You fall in love with him and that's big, it's tell Liam big and you will lose him. You will be picking Niall over him, you understand that don't you?" Harry doesn't answer. He closes his eyes and bites down on his lip and pretends his words are not true.   
"I know it's hard Harry. Maybe you should stop now, before you get in too deep. I don't want you hurt, i don't want Liam hurt. You end this now and nobody gets hurt, it will suck but it won't hurt."

"I'm not going to do that, I can't." Niall has already offered him a way out of this earlier and Harry had panicked. As soon as Niall had said about them ending things Harry had full on panicked at the idea.   
"It's your call mate. You do the right thing by Liam and yourselve, or you carry on and everything could change. I will support you whatever you choose. Just remember that if Liam finds out then I am with him." God, what is he supposed to do? Why can't he be like everyone else and just get to fall in love with the person he wants to fall in love with.

It's just a few years, a few years would make all the difference. If he was nineteen or twenty then it wouldn't be so bad.

But Liam. There will always be Liam and Niall could be any age and Liam will still not want it to happen.

"I don't know what to do. I want this so bad Lou, I want him so bad. I don't want to give him up, I'm already in too deep. I want it all with him."   
"Then go for it mate. Just be prepared for when he goes, because he will, he is not the kind of boy that will change his plans and give up on his dream for you. And be prepared for Liam to find out because you will either have to tell him or he is going to find out on his own. And remember the longer this goes on without him knowing the bigger chance you have of him walking out the door and never coming back. I just want you to be happy Haz, do what makes you happy." Do what makes him happy. What would make him happy is being with Niall and Liam being alright with it.   
Being with Niall makes him happy but losing Liam will destory him.   
Walking away from Niall will destory him too.  
It's an impossible situation.

"I'm sorry I keep stressing you out with all this Lou. I really love you." Louis chuckles, the sound warming Harry's chest.  
"Mate you have been stressing me out since you where six and you asked if you could eat my glue stick. Weirdest six year old ever, I don't know why I kept you." Harry smiles at the memory, and the hundreds of other that flood to his mind when he thinks if Louis   
"I'm glad you did. You're the bestest."   
"Me too H. Love you buddy."

Xxx

Harry pushes the door shut, throwing the key card onto the side as he makes his way over to the bed.  
Niall has changed position now, curled up in a ball on his side, a cute little frown on his face.

Harry strips down to his boxers, pulling back the covers so he can climb inside.

He shuffles until he is laying inches from Nialls face. Taking a moment to just watch him sleep.   
"Niall." He nudges his leg with his foot, grinning when Niall's face twitches before relaxing again.  
"Hey Ni." He pushes him a bit harder.  
"Wake up for me." Niall grones, eyes flickering about under his lids. He curls up tighter his hands coming up to tuck under his chin.  
"Baby." He reacts to that, his eyes slowly opening, lips smacking together as he rolls onto his back.   
"Time is it?" Harry brushes his fingers over Niall's cheek, hot from where it had been pressed into the pillowcase.  
"It's 4:30 baby." Niall frowns, hand rubbing over his bare chest.  
"Can you do something for me baby? Need you to just play along with me for a bit." Niall grunts eyes finally focusing on Harry.  
"We getting kinky?" Harry chuckles leaning down until his nose is pressed to Niall's forehead, breathing him in.

"No. I just want to ask you something, and you're gonna want to say no but I want you to just pretend for me. Just go along with me please. For me, just for now." Niall looks beyond confused but he nods, agrees to whatever Harry wants him to do. Harry takes a deep breath, pressing a wet kiss to his forehead before shifting himself so he is laying between Niall's legs. He kisses down his face, under his chin coming to a stop once his face is buried in the side of his neck.

"Stay with me. Don't go traveling, just stay with me." Niall goes tense under Harry, his breath hitching. It doesn't take long for Niall to reply but to Harry it feels like the time just stretches on and he worries he has messed things up.

"Ok. I will stay for you." Harry smiles, clenching his eyes closed and let's himself believe this moment is real.

"I'm falling for you Niall." He raises his head to look at Niall's face, can make out his wide eyes in the darkness, his plump pink lips parted in surprise.

"I want you to be my boyfriend . This is not just about fooling around for me anymore. I want to be with you proper. Will you be my boyfriend?"

"For real?" Niall whispers, his hand coming up to cup Harry's cheek. Harry leans into his touch, skin burning with his touch.  
"For real baby."   
"Yeah. Yes, please." Relief floods Harry as he swoops back down to kiss Niall. Nialls body arches up to be closer to Harry, his hands running up his side's coming to a stop at his neck.

Harry kisses down Niall's body, slipping his boxers off taking some time to mouth as his cock making him hard and wet. Nialls breath stutters his fingers curling in Harry's hair as he moves back up level with him.   
"Want to make love to you." Niall swollows, his eyes roaming Harry's face his cheeks flushed red.  
"Yeah. Please. Do that." Harry rummages under the blanket for the lube, laying it by Niall's side as starts looking for the box of condom.   
"Hang on, think I saw them." Niall reached behind him stuffing his hand down between the headboard and the mattress, eyebrows furrowed.   
"Ah" he pulls the box out passing it to Harry, hands shaking slightly as he opens it up, face falling when he looks inside.  
"Crap, we are all out. I could just like blow you if you want?" Harry goes to shuffle down the bed again but Niall reaches out to stop him, hands grabbing his face gently and tugging him back up.   
"I don't mind. We can...without if you like." Harry drops his head to Niall's stomach, his hands clutching at his sides, his lips pressing into Niall's skin with a groan. Sex without a condom feels like a massive thing, and Harry had never not used protection before, even with Rebecca.   
The thought of being inside Niall without a barrier makes him hard beyond belief, his cock thickening up and pressing into the mattress.  
"Niall baby, are you...are you sure?" Niall cards his fingers trough Harry's hair, silky soft still from his shower before bed.

"I wouldn't suggest it if I want not sure. You gotta learn that darlin" Harry raises his head from Naill stomach, eyes shining as he looks up at Niall.   
"God Niall. I feel so much when I look at you, I wish I could put it into words." Niall smiles bringing him back up for a kiss.   
"You don't have to, I feel it. I feel it to, I'm right there with you. Now please, just get inside me and make me feel good, I'm ready for you, still so stretched from you fucking me all of yesterday." Harry chokes back a moan, reaching for the bottle of lube popping the cap open.

He presses his lips to Niall's shoulder, kissing down his arm as he slicks himself up, breath juddering as his hands moves up and down his cock. 

He positions himself until he is pressed up against Niall, looking at him to make sure he still seems ok with it all. Niall has a soft smile on his face and it blows Harry's mind how Niall is so young and innocent and new to all of this but is the one that is always reassuring Harry, making Harry feel at ease. Will there ever be a day that Niall doesn't make his heart swell and his stomach twist in the most pleasant way.

Niall leans up, arms wrapping around Harry's neck to support himself, kissing at Harry's neck, his feet sliding up Harry's legs until they press against his arse, pushing to help ease Harry in.

Harry moans curling into Niall more who is breathing into his neck, arms tightening around him, fingers digging into the back of his neck.   
"Harry, oh god Harry." It feel so different. God does it feel different being inside Niall bare. He can feel everything, the warmth and softness of him wrapped tightly around his cock. It's the most intimate he has ever felt having sex, his body shaking with it.  
"So good, feel so good on me baby." Niall falls back into the pillow, face already flushed red.  
Harry starts moving, grunting as he slides back until just the tip of his cock is nestled inside Niall before snapping his hip forward. Niall grabs the headboard above his head, legs moving up to wrap around Harry's waist, his body jolting with the movement, lips parted in silent moans as Harry kisses over his chest and neck.

Harry pulls back, parting Niall's legs slightly so he can look down at himself fucking into Niall.  
"Harry, kiss me. Want you to kiss me?" Niall sounds desperate, clawing at Harry to get him back closer to him.  
"You ok?" Niall nods hands spreading over Harry's cheeks, thumbs brushing over his lips.  
"Yeah, just so much." Harry kisses him, hips not faultering once.

He knows what Naill means, it does feel like so much being buried deep inside him like this. To feel Niall tight around him, cleancig around him when he thrust in and the sweet slide of him when he pulls back.

"I'm close, so close already. So full, god." Harry grunts into Niall's mouth, tounge dipping in to taste him before pulling away to watch Niall as he falls apart, his own climax building up in his stomach.  
"Me too, I'm close too." Niall nods finding Harry's hand pressing into the mattress by his head, wrapping his fingers around his wrist.   
"Yeah, you gonna come inside me? Fill me up more. Can't wait to feel you dripping out of me."

"Shit." Harry's head drops to Niall's forehead, teeth gritting and his hips stuttering as he chases his orgasm.

"I'm coming, come with me Harry. Fuck!" Niall shots over his and Harry's stomach, head falling back Harry's name tumbling for his lips again and again. Harry thrusts a few more times before stilling, spilling into Niall. He moans at the feeling, the warmth of his own come around his cock, some already dripping out. Niall keeps rolling his hips, gently fucking Harry through his high drawing a couple more splurts of come from him.

Harry's pulls him into another kiss as he slowly pulls out, Niall moaning into his mouth when he feels Harry's come dripping down his arse onto the bed.

"You're my boyfriend." Harry smiles against Niall's lips.  
"You're my boyfriend." Harry rolls off Niall, keeping his arms wrapped around him, pulling his head to his chest.   
"You gonna wait for me yeah? It will be like this still when I come back?" A lump forms in Harry's throat that burns when he swollows around it. He doesn't answer Niall just pulls him closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  
Of course he would wait for Niall, would wait a lifetime for him. But Niall is young, Harry can't guarantee that Niall will want to wait for him. He was going to have people throwing themselves at him and it's not fair of Harry to expect him to say no, to not explore himself fully.

Niall deserved to go on his travels free to do want he wants. Sure they would still be boyfriends and they will talk and keep in contact as much at they can. But Niall will probably talk to him less and less and Niall will probably forget about this a little bit. Harry had to be okay with that. He had to be.

"You still want to be with me right? Even though I am still going? You're not angry?" Harry forces a smile onto his face, tucking Niall into him even more.

"Course I'm not angry sweet boy. I will be waiting. The best waiting any boyfriend has done before." Niall giggles, spreading his hands out over Harry's chest.   
"Thank you. I'm falling for you too by the way." Harry blinks back the tears forming in his eyes trying his hardest to enjoy this moment and ignore the pang in his heart at the thought of Niall leaving, trying so hard to ignore the voice in his head telling him to make Niall stay with him. He had to let Niall live, he deserved it all.


	26. Chapter 26

Niall jogs up the stairs to the second floor of The Attic, throwing his school bag onto the side and kicking his shoes off. Harry glances over his shoulder from where he is hunched over checking trough some boxes of stock. 

"Hey babe, how was school?" 

"Not to bad. Do you mind if i get changed up here?" He asked yanking a pair of jeans out of his bag, already unbuttoning his school trousers. He and Harry had planned for Niall to come join him at work after school this morning and he had started feeling a little uncomfortable in his school uniform around Harry so he thought it was best to bring a change of clothes with him. 

"Yeah sure. Liam gone to Macy's?" Niall kicks his trousers off, screwing them up and shoving them into his bag before stepping into his jeans.

"Yep. He is taking her out to eat tonight so will just be us eating." Niall jumps up and down to get his jeans up his legs and over his butt.

"That will be nice." Niall changed his top quickly, looking over to Harry who still had his back to him.

"What ya up to?" Harry pushes his hair back off his face, letting out a huff.

"Just checking some stock, you will have all my attention soon promise." Niall wonders over to one of Harry guitars, hopping up on the table so he can sit it on his lap, strumming gently. 

"Take your time." Niall plays around with the guitar for a while, smiling when Harry starts to hum along, his head bobbing. 

"How has work been?"

"Not to bad, been a bit slow but had a couple of lessons so it went nice and quickly. Could probably close up early if you get bored." Niall shrugs, not really bothered. He liked the music shop and there was plenty of things laying around for him to amuse himself with, and he can smooch Harry when he is not to busy. 

"I don't mind." Niall places the guitar down and hops off the table walking around the room and poking around inside some of the boxes laying around. 

"Hey this is my notebook." Niall grabs his notebook of the side, flicking through the pages to see Harry had scribbled some notes inside. Harry hums turning to look at him.

"Oh yeah. Remember I said about turning them into songs. I have been working in it in between customers. I had to change a few words to make it all fit better, i hope that's alight. Sorry I should have asked before just changing stuff about."  Niall shook his head, looking at the things Harry had changed. It felt like such a long time ago him and Harry had sat curled up talking about the poems in this book, back before they had even kissed. Harry has never mentioned it again so he presumed he had decided not to do it.

"No, its cool. I did say it was yours now so you can do what you want. Have you finished any?" Harry shakes his head turning back to his work.

"Not yet. I will make sure you're the first to know when I do." Niall thinks it will be so cool to hear Harry singing his words, its nice to know he likes them enough to turn them into a song.

"Right, I think I have finished." Harry gets up with a groan, his knees clicking from where he had been kneeling down for too long. "I can be all yours for a bit." Niall grins as Harry makes his way over to him, arms held up ready for him. 

"Missed you today." Niall goes up on his tiptoes to kiss him.

"Missed you too." Niall backs Harry up until he hits the table, sliding on a little so Niall can slot between his legs. Niall loves kissing Harry, could easily do it all day. He doesn't even care if it doesn't lead to anything else, just simply kissing him is plenty enough. 

It's just that they fit. When Harry pulls him closer, they fit. When their lips move together, they fit. Everything fits to well. 

Niall wraps his hands in Harry's hair, tugging as he deepens the kiss his tongue darting out across Harry's bottom lip. Harry breaths out heavily through his nose, pushing his own tongue passed Niall lips, licking into his mouth to taste him, spreading his own taste around Niall's mouth making him groan and push himself into Harry more, his cock starting to thicken up in his jeans. 

They pull apart to take a breather before diving straight back in, teeth clashing because they are both smiling to much. Then it is just sloppy and wet and Niall is tugging at Harry's top, so badly wanting to strip him down and get him on his back so he can ride him. He is still on a bit of a high from their weekend together. Sunday had been mostly talking to Harry about him mum and his dad, but there was still so much sex, like a lot of sex. Niall was still craving it though, now he knew how good it was he wanted it all the time. Nearly as much as he wanted the kissing. 

They were so wrapped up in each other. In the feel of each others skin as they ran their hands under tops. So wrapped up in the feel of lips and tongues, so wrapped up in kissing and tasting and the feeling of falling in love that they didn't notice the bell ringing in the shop below, or the sound of footsteps on the stairs. 

"Oh, OH Shit." Niall jumps back from Harry, swollen lips red and wet his eyes wide when he turns to face Zayn. 

Zayn looks startled, his eyes flicking between them before he turns on his heel and leaves.

"Fuck." Harry goes to follow him but Niall pushes him back to stop him.

"I will go." He shoves his shoes back on, his heart slamming in his chest.

"Niall." Harry's face is white, a terrified look on his face.

"I will talk to him, it will be fine." Niall runs down the stairs, almost tripping in his hast to catch up with Zayn. He runs out the shop, looking around frantically. He spots Zayn across the road, Niall chases after him, dodging cars as he crosses the road. 

"Zayn!" Zayn keeps going, head bent. 

"Zayn!" Zayn comes to a stop spinning to face Niall, his teeth chewing into his bottom lip.   
"What the hell is that about?" He asks as soon as Niall has reached him.  
"You and Harry... kissing. What the hell!" This is bad, so bad. Niall has no idea if he can trust Zayn with this kind of thing. Sure they have been hanging out but this is the kind of thing he would use against him.  
"You can't tell anyone Zayn, Liam doesn't know and he cannot find out." Zayn scoffs stepping backwards.  
"Yeah no shit." Niall groans rubbing at his face.  
"Look, I don't know if we are friends or not but please, please can you keep this a secret? Please." Zayn shrugs, shooting Niall a look before turning around to leave.   
"Zayn!" Niall panics grabbing his hands to yank him back, he needed to be sure he was not going to say anything or he would be on edge all the time waiting for Liam to be told.   
"I won't tell anyone Jesus, chill out. Your  little secret is safe with me." Zayn goes to leave once again but Niall tightens his hold keeping him in place.

"How can I trust you? How do I know you won't go and spread this around school or go straight to Liam. If you are going to then I would rather you just be honest and tell me so I can tell Liam myself."

"I said i wouldn't say anything." Zayn rips his arm out of Niall grip shaking his head starting to walk away. Niall follows him hands wringing together.

"I don't trust you." Zayn stops again his head falling back as he groans loudly.   
He stomps back over to Niall until they are practically toe to toe. He grits his teeth, closing his eyes and takes a deep breath. Niall watches him, a frown on his face, waiting for whatever it is he is going to say or do. 

"I have been fucking Mr Sykes. For two years now." Niall's mouth falls open, out of all the things Niall expected Zayn to say that was not it.   
"There now you can trust me. We both know a secret." Mr Sykes? How is that even a thing.   
Two years?  
Zayn would have been fourteen. Mr Skye's is nearly fifty.   
Zayn is having sex with their fifty years old maths teacher.  
Wait, Zayn is having sex with a man?

"You...you bullied me for being gay." Zayn rolls his eyes.  
"I didn't bully you for being gay, I just used words that's are you know, offensive to gay people. To like hurt your feelings a shit."  Niall blinks back at Zayn, who even does that?

"Why would you do that?"  
"Because you pissed me off alright. You came into school all gay and proud while I was hiding like a fucking pussy and it made me hate you. But now you know so can we just stop talking about it." Zayn walks off again so Niall follows him. 

"Don't you think it's....well like, how did it even start. He is really old." Zayn frowns looking more then annoyed.  
"Harry's old."   
"Harry's twenty years younger then Mr Sykes. And he certainly didn't want to have sex with me when I was underage." Zayn's shoulder slump and he motioned for Niall to come take a seat with him by the bus stop behind them.

"It's not like a big deal alright, he is not some creep. It just happened." Zayn crosses his ankles looking down at his hands as he talks. Niall wonders if its nice for him to tell someone, two years is a really long time so keep a relationship a secret. Niall couldn't do it, if him and Harry lasted that long he would have definitely already told Liam.  Keeping a secret that big to yourselves for so long must be incredibly lonely. Zayn clears his throat and continues talking. 

"He ran detention in year nine and I was in there a lot at lunch times and after school. Things had just gotten really shitty at home so I was out on the street a lot so I got into this really bad group of people. Mr Sykes, Mason, he was easy to talk to and I would just unload all this shit on him when I was in his classroom. He wasn't horrible about it either, he would just let me talk it all out and then he would offer whatever advice he could." He looked up at Niall, a sad smile on his face.

"He started offering for me to go to his house when I would be locked out at home. I would sleep on the couch and I would get a couple of good meals then I would head home or to school or just walk about.  Eventually kissing him just seemed normal I guess. It just progressed from there and now its been two years and we are still fucking with each other, i'm not really sure if we are boyfriends or just like dating. Its nice though." 

It kind of makes sense to Niall now. Like the way Zayn had burst into the classroom that one time, mouthing off at Mr Sykes for giving him a bad mark and saying he knew how hard he had worked on it. Or the way Zayn would always be in his classroom when Niall went in there for something. When they had that fight it was Mr Sykes who went for Zayn and took him away, and Zayn sleeping in his classroom. He would never have guessed its because they where sleeping together.

But then he thinks back to the day they sat at the park getting stoned together and Zayn had mentioned for the first time that he was with someone. He had said he thought they preferred to fuck him when he was high. Why would Mr Sykes be alright with Zayn doing drugs let alone be alright with doing anything sexual with him while he is under the influence? Why would he be alright with sleeping with an underage child? And he knows the age gap between him and Harry is big but the one between Zayn and Mr Sykes is a lot bigger and to be honest Niall does not get a good feeling when he thinks about it. 

"Did you not ever find it odd? That a teacher of his age was fine with doing that with you when you where just fourteen. Zayn that's not right."

"And what the fuck would you know? He don't hurt me and he don't force me into anything I don't want to do. He makes sure i feel good and he gives me a place to stay sometimes, he likes me and I like him so we fuck, big deal. It's not different to you and Harry." But it is. If Niall was underage Harry would have never in a million years touched Niall or so much as even looked at him in the way he does now. Even now he sometimes has issues with Niall's age. Its the same if Harry was as old as Mr Sykes, he would not have wanted this with him. There is a fine line between right and wrong and he thinks its been crossed. He is just not sure if he can tell Zayn he thinks that or if Zayn would even understand. Niall had always liked Mr Sykes too even if he did bust peoples balls over school work. Now he was going to struggle to see the man the same way.

"How did you and Harry happen anyway? How longs it been going on?" Niall sighs kicking at the ground with his shoe.

"Not long, just a few weeks. And it just happened, one day he was just Harry and then suddenly he was everything." Zayn looks at him, his head titled to the side.

"You in love with him or something?" Niall chuckled nudging his shoulder into Zayn's.

"I'm heading that way yeah." Zayn smiled, pulling a lighter out of his pocket with a packet of cigarettes. 

"Shit man, never would I have thought i would walk in on your sucking face with Harry. That's your best friends dad. Payne would lose his stupid little head." Niall frowns looking away from Zayn as he lights up and takes a long drag. 

"Yeah well, that's why he cant find out. I feel shitty about it but its happening, we just have to be careful and there is no reason for him to get hurt.  I know your going to keep your mouth shut now. So thanks." Niall gets up, stuffing his hands into the pocket of his jeans. He should probably head back to Harry who is most likely having a heart attack right now. He looks down at Zayn feeling a little concerned about him.  It felt a little like one of them horrible relationships you hear about, where some young kids with a crappy life had been groomed and taken advantage off by an adult. But Niall had no way of knowing what it was like between Zayn and Mr Sykes. It could generally be that they spent time together and started being attracted to each other. Or Mr Sykes could have seen how vulnerable Zayn was and took advantage. Niall was defiantly going to have to look out for any clues on that when he was around the two. 

"I'm gonna head back to Harry and let him know things are good. You got somewhere to go tonight?" Zayn nods getting up himself.

"I'm actually heading to Mason's now. Was just stopping in at the shop to talk to Harry about my lessons. I was not sure if he was still going to be giving them to me after he found out about me giving you stuff." Niall wants to ask him not to go, to find somewhere else or even go ask Harry if he could sleep at his. He didn't want to piss Zayn off though and he shouldn't bring Harry into it. 

"Maybe give him a bit longer to cool down about it then ask. See ya at school tomorrow." Zayn waves his hand walking in the opposite direction to Niall leaving a trail of smoke behind him.

"We are friends by the way, you are annoyingly likeable." Zayn calls over his shoulder making Niall grin. He probably was not the best person to be friends with but it still felt good hearing that he was. 

xxxxx

Harry is pacing across the  floor when Niall walks back into the shop, the sound of the bell making Harry jump and rush towards him.

"What did he say? Is he going to tell Liam? What are we going to do?" Niall takes Harry's kissing both before pulling Harry into a hug.

"It's all good. He is not going to tell Liam or anyone else, we are fine." Harry pulls away to look at him, his face still as pale as it was when Niall had left.

"Is it though? Can we actually trust him? I think we should tell Liam so he hears it from us and not Zayn. God can you imagine if he hears it from him first. We have to tell him and just deal with whatever happens after." Niall hates seeing Harry like this, so jittery and panicked. They have probably been lucky to get this far without someone catching them and they did really keep pushing their luck. He does believe that Zayn will keep it a secret now he knows about Mr Sykes.  There is no way Zayn would risk that getting out. Not only would everyone find out he was shagging a teacher but they would also find out about his sexuality, whatever that was. 

"Trust me Harry, he is not going to say anything. We don't have to tell Liam okay, if I thought we did then I would agree with it but we really don't." Harry looks at Niall for a while then eventually nods seeming to calm down a little.

"I have been so scared waiting for you to come back thinking you where going to be telling me its all going to come out. God Niall this is such a mess, what are we doing?" It is a mess. It's amazing and beautiful and Niall is falling in love, actually love, but it was also a really big mess for sure. 

"No regrets though right? If I could go back I would still want to do this all over again." Harry smiles resting his forehead against Niall's. 

"Never any regrets when it comes to you. We will be fine." Niall brings his hand up to the back of Harry's neck squeezing lightly.

"We will always be fine me and you." 


	27. Chapter 27

When Louis walked into Harry's house on Tuesday night it was to find Harry sat on the sofa, head titled back covered in green glop his hair wrapped up inside a towel.

"What are you doing?" Harry opened one eye to look over at his friend.  
"Face mask and hair thingy, don't make me laugh or I will kick you in the dick." Louis toes his shoes off, shuffling over to the sofa next to Harry's throwing himself down.   
"Why would you want to do this to yourself? It looks gross by the way. I swear if that's avocado I will leave, you can't keep using avocado for everything you do Harry."   
"It's avocado, now please feel free to leave so I can give myself glowing skin and soft locks in peace." Louis splutters a laugh pulling himself up to get a drink.

When he comes back Harry lets out a sigh his shoulders wiggling as he moves further down the sofa.

"If you must know, I am trying to de-stress and like, leave my mind or something. Niall is at a party." Louis takes a few gulps from his drink, leaning forward to place it on the table.   
"And you're worried he is going to cop of with someone his own age?" Harry raises his hand to give Louis the finger.

"No you dickhead. I'm worried they my boyfriend who has recently been taking drugs is going to take more drugs. I am trying to not be a crazy boyfriend and let him have some freedom and go have fun. So therefore I am relaxing with a face mask and hair treatment because good skin and hair care is important Louis and I will be glowing. Unlike you." Louis tutted grabbing the remote from the arm of the chair pressing the button to turn the TV on.  
"Is the TV allowed during this de-stress?" Harry flapped his hand around motioning for Louis to carry on.

"Why do these kids keep having parties anyway? We didn't party when we were sixteen." Harry splutters, taking a deep breath to stop himself from smiling.  
"Lou! When I was sixteen we went to Maggie Reynolds party and you had a threesome with her and that other girl." Louis smiles, nodding his head as he thought back.  
"Oh yeah I did. Man we did party, you blew Maggie's brother though."   
"Yes I did. Collage boy!" He raised his hand for a high five Louis rolling his eyes slapping his hand against Harry's.   
"Then a year later you were married with a kid. Who'd a thunk it." Harry giggles settling back down on the sofa as Louis picked a film to watch.

"Maybe Niall is having a threesome." Harry slaps Louis on the arm.   
"Maybe Niall is having a threesome with Liam."   
"Louis! Shut the fuck up I am de-stressing and skin caring. Not thinking about my boyfriend and my child doing things." Louis chuckled but falls quite watching the film.

"Do you think they have ever like...tried things together."  
"Oh my god." Harry gets up stomping towards the stairs.  
"I going to wash my face off. When I come back you're putting my foot cream on because you are a dick."

Xxxxxx

Niall curled up behind Liam, wrapping his arms around his waist and shoving his face into his neck.   
"Do you want another drink?" Liam nods holding his empty cup up, Niall takes it nipping at his neck before heading off towards the kitchen.   
He has no idea who's house he is in, but they have a rather nice kitchen that had Niall thinking of him and Harry and babies.   
God when did babies even start being a part of his thoughts?  
Niall emptied a can of coke into his and Liam's cup, pouring in a small bit of vodka before making his way back to Liam. He has been sticking as close to Liam as he could, not that Liam was keen on letting Niall out of his sight anyway. He had not seen Zayn yet and was hoping that meant he was a no show at this party and Niall could spend his night free of temptation.

He was actually quite looking forward to getting back home. When he had left he saw Harry pottering around the kitchen making himself a face mask and instead of laughing like he normally would do he kinda wanted to stay and do it too.

He passed Liam his drink, sitting back down behind him, sipping at his own drink as he watched people dancing in the middle of the room.

It was a bit over top to be honest, with an actually DJ booth set up like whoever lived here though they could trick them all into thinking they where in some club. The area allocated to dancing was packed with people who danced like they thought they where in a club so maybe it worked on some people. 

Niall wondered what Harry looked like when dancing at a club, all drunk and lose limbed. Too good he imagines. 

"Hey Ni!" Liam leans back until his mouth is nearly brushing Niall ear. "Macy wants to head outside for some fresh air." Niall nods, patting Liam on the back as he stands up. He does not miss the flash of annoyance on Macy's face as he walks with them. And Macy is such a sweet girl, like the sweetest, and he cant really blame her for wanting some alone time with her boyfriend so he cant even be angry by the look that is on her face for all of a second. It's just that Niall really does not want to be left alone tonight and Liam knows this and Liam knows why so he is understanding and he is happy to keep Niall close to him because he loves Niall and wants to keep him safe and Happy. Macy on the other hand understandable just thinks he is being a cling on and rather annoying. Niall had no idea how much Liam has told Macy about him, if she knows about the drugs or not. He is guessing not or she would be just as happy as Liam is that he is joining them outside. 

It gets awkward pretty quickly for him though because it just the three of them and another couple who are to far away and pretty much having sex against the side of the house to really be apart of the group. So its just Niall, Liam and Macy who are huddled up rather close talking quietly to each other and sex couple. If it was up to him he would be at home right now being a sex couple with Harry. Its been like two days since he last had Harry inside him, he could go for some dick right about now. He might settle for fingers even. 

Niall plonks down on the grass, leaning his back against Liam's leg thinking it might draw his attention to him a little. It doesn't. Liam just reaches around to pet at his hair and carry on talking about whatever to Macy. Couple stuff. Yuck. 

He lets out a huff, lips pouted out drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. 

Okay. He will admit it. Since his slightly odd friendship with Zayn parties have been fun. Now without Zayn this one seems kind of dull. 

Niall thinks that thinking about Zayn is kind of the same as someone saying Voldemort in Harry Potter, because there he is. He steps out the back door tugging up the sleeves of his black button up before plucking the cigarette from behind his ear. He is wearing a snap-back and Niall does not think he has ever seen that before. He lights up moving away from the door a little and Niall can see his cheek hollow out slightly as he takes a drag. 

It takes him a while to notice Niall, his head tilting to the side when he does. Niall must look odd, sat on the floor by Liam's feet clearly imposing on a boyfriend/girlfriend moment. They keep looking at each other, Niall twirling damp grass in his fingers and Zayn smoking. Niall can feel his heat beating in his throat and he does not really know why. Is it the thought of getting up and walking over to Zayn and getting what he knows he actually wants tonight? Maybe it's the alcohol, he has drank enough to feel the effects a little. Or it could be the thought of going back to Harry in a couple of hours. Niall will go with that, always go with the Harry reason. Never the Zayn. 

Zayn finishes his cigarette, eyes still on Niall as he throws it down on the ground stomping on it with his shoe. He walks towards him slowly, pulling of his cap and ruffling his hair before placing it back on backwards, Niall's breath hitches at that because come on, Zayn is like a Greek god he is sure even Liam would have been a little effected by that. 

"Can we help you?" Niall's eyebrow raises at the tone in Liam's voice. Liam is a puppy but right now he sounds a little but more like a freaking shark about to attack. 

"No." Zayn is still looking at Niall when he replies to Liam, Niall's head now craned back to look up at him.

"Hey Irish." Niall wonders when that nickname stopped feeling so offence to him and became something he is now so fond of. 

"Hi." Zayn crouches down, knees apart with his elbows resting on his legs. His head tilts to the side again looking at Niall like he is some big puzzle he cant work out.

"Why ya looking so fed up?" Niall shrugs. He is so aware of Liam, now facing them with Macy tucked up behind him. Like he thinks Zayn is some kind of danger to her. 

"He is not fed up, so why don't you just go." Zayn rolls his eyes reaching forward to poke at Niall shoulder.

"He can talk for himself Payne so why don't you just go hump your girlfriend and leave us be yeah?" Niall's eyes flick towards Liam, who is looking like he would quite like to slam Zayn's head into a tree. Great. 

"Zayn." Its Macy who speaks this time, her hand wrapped around Liam's arm. "Why don't you just go back inside, get a drink and chill out."

"Yeah I can do that. You coming Niall?" Liam scoffs moving to stand in front of Niall, blocking him from Zayn. 

"He is fine out here with us, he does not need you." Niall gets his to feet, grabbing at Liam's hips to pull himself up. 

"What exactly is your problem right now? Is he not allowed other friends or something? You want him all to yourself?" Liam laughs, but its not like an actually Liam laugh, its cold and loud and makes Niall flinch.

"Is that what you think you are? His friend. Oh i'm sorry I didn't realise that friends give other friends drugs. I didn't realise friend's give each other messed up pill's then leave them to fend for themselves." Liam shoves Zayn back, gently tugging Macy's hand of him when she reaches for him. "I did not realise friend's spend years bullying and hitting and being nasty fucked up little shit's to their friends." Liam shove him again and he is pushing his luck really, because Niall can see the anger building up in Zayn. His fist clenching at his sides, the vein in his neck and his eyes getting darker. He knows if this turns into a fight between Liam and Zayn that Liam has no chance. So Niall steps between the two, back pressed to Zayn's chest as he steps back forcing Zayn to move with him.

"It's alright Liam, we don't need to start something." Liam looks at Niall in disbelief. Niall can practically feel Zayn's smirk on the back of his neck as he wraps his arms around Niall's waist, his hands spreading out across his stomach as they move back.

"Are you actually kidding me. You're not going with him." Niall smiles, hopes its a reassuring smile that makes Liam think everything will be just fine. 

"I'm just gonna go calm him down, then I will be back out. We don't need any fights kicking off." Liam steps forward but Macy pulls him back and says something to him that makes him relax a little.

Zayn presses his nose to Niall's neck, chuckling into his skin.

"I'm so glad your fucking his dad." Niall frowns, shoving Zayn away from him and towards the door.

"Shut ya mouth." Zayn is laughing when they walk into the mostly empty kitchen. There is a small group stood by the fridge that Niall recognizes as Zayn's stoner friends. One of them nods and waves at Niall but he just ignores it and turns his back, because no, he is not going there.   
"Why are you even laughing? It's not funny." Zayn rolls his eyes at Niall waving his hand toward the door.  
"Oh please, little Liam Payne acting like some kind of guard dog is hilarious. He is such a loser."   
"Hey fuck you, you don't get to talk shit about Liam. He is my brother alright." Zayn scoffs reaching over the counter for a bottle of vodka.   
"And what's Harry, ya dad? You call him Daddy?" Niall's cheeks flush red, which is really annoying because he is really pale so its totally noticeable. Not that he thinks calling Harry Daddy would be hot. He understands why it can be hot, but Harry is actually a dad. Like at some point in life Liam may have called him daddy. So Niall cannot do that okay.

"So we gonna beat around the bush or just skip to popping some pills and actually having a good time." Niall watches Zayn mix a drink up, chewing on his bottom lip.

"I should probably like, not do that anymore. I'm up for drinking though." Zayn shrugs, completely not bothered by Niall's decision. Which is good, Niall didn't want Zayn convincing him to change his mind. Not at all.

"Here you go then." He hands Niall the drink he had been making for himself the grabs another cup. "How long do you think we have until Sargent Payne starts looking for you?To save you from me, the big bad wolf." Niall takes a sip from him drink to stop himself from laughing, because he refuses to laugh at Liam with Zayn.   
"Not long I imagine." Zayn grins grabbing Niall's free hand tugging him closer.  
"Let's go dance then before I lose you. Show me what this body can do." Niall groans letting himself be pulled along by a giggling Zayn. How did he ever find this giggling idiot even slightly intimidating before?

X

Niall's not sure how long Liam is watching them. He hadn't even noticed he was back in the room at first. It was not until Zayn's grip on him tightened before slipping down to the swell just above his arse, his eyes staring past Niall. Niall had followed where Zayn was glaring and had seen Liam watching him with his arms crossed leaning against the wall.

He smiles, desperately wants Liam to know that he is fine, slightly drunk but fine, so that he leaves then alone to dance. He is having fun.   
Liam nods once and seems to relax a little but he eyes stay on Niall making it clear he plans to stay where he is.

"You OK?" He jumps at Zayn's voice, he has been to busy with his silent conversation with Liam to notice Zayn move his face right down to his.   
"Yeah." Zayn squeezes his side once, nudging his cheek with his nose.   
"You sure, you feel all tense. Do you need something." Yes, Niall thinks. He does want something. He wants his body to loosen up, he wants things to sound, feel and taste better. He wants to dance with Zayn without all his thoughts getting in the way.  
"No." He says instead "better not." Niall can't hear Zayn laugh but he feels his breath tickle his skin, traveling down his chest.   
"You gonna let Liam tell you what to do?" Niall glances over to Liam again, who's eyes are narrowed as he watched them.  
"As apposed to you telling me what do to?" Zayn nips him, not hard enough to hurt but enough to make him hiss out a breath.  
"I have never told you want to do. Just like making you feel good." It's not sexual. At least Niall doesn't think it is. Niall still tenses up though, his eyes fluttering shut. He is not sure if Zayn done that on purpose. Worded it that way, with his lips pressed to Niall's ear all breathy and slow. It works though.  
"OK." He says it as quietly as he can hoping Zayn won't hear. That his moment of weakness will pass. Zayn won't hear and Niall will open his eyes and see Liam and that will be enough to make him get his head on straight.

Because Liam is watching and Niall has to go back to Harry in a couple of hours and he can't.

He goes to open his eyes, but before he gets there he feels the familiar press to his lips and they part on their own his tongue lapping out to take in the pill.

His eyes open and Liam looks like he has been punched in the gut. Like Niall has walked across the room and punched him.

It's such a bad thing to do. It's been bad since he let Zayn place the very first one in his mouth.

But Harry is trusting him now, and Liam is right there watching him so it's so much worse.

He lets Zayn push him back further into the crowd, like he knows Niall needs to be out of Liam's sight. The look he is giving him makes Niall want to run to the bathroom and throw up.

Liam doesn't make a move to follow them, glued to the spot in shock.

Niall tucks into Zayn, hoping that when his high hits it drowns out this stomach churning guilt he feels. He closes his eyes again, twisting his hands into Zayn's shirt. Eventually Liam's face leaves his mind and is replaced with bright lights, music, laughter and Zayn grinning down at him.

XX

Liam is trying. He is trying so hard to make this situation okay. Macy had managed to drag his head out of whatever place it went to when he saw Niall take drugs so easily from Zayn. He hadn't even opened his eyes to see what Zayn was giving him. He just trusted and he took. He scared the hell out of Liam.

It's been an hour now and both Macy and Liam have been following Niall around trying to keep him under control.

It was not so bad at first. He was just dancing with Zayn, a little to close for Liam's liking but it was just dancing. But then they stumbled into the kitchen and started downing drinks and now it was getting out of hand. Liam had already caught Niall five times after he fell from the table he had decided to dance on, no worry about cracking his head open.

And they where braking things, like actually things that belonged to someone's parents. Everyone else's was drunk enough to find it hilarious and Liam has no idea when this party got so out of hand and how he was supposed to calm it all down when Niall was the bloody centre of it all.

Niall flings his head back and does a spin on his toes the photo frame he is dangling in his fingers falling with a crack on the floor. Liam is already holding his arms out for Niall to fall into, trying to not lose his shit when Niall's foot slams into Macy's chest.   
She waves away Liam's conceded look, helping him to steady Niall as Zayn climbs down to stand next to them.

"Niall! Come on man let's go home, we are already late!" Niall shoves Liam away frowning.   
"Having fun." Liam tightens his hold on Niall's arm as he tries to walk away.  
"This needs to stop and we are going." Niall groans loudly shoving Liam away, the movement so sloppy Liam barely moves.

"Oh bugger off Liam, why don't you just like fuck off and get a life." Niall laughs nudging Zayn.  
"He is like obsessed with me." Zayn chuckles slinging his arm over Niall pulling him away from Liam.  
"Come on Niall. You have had your fun let's just head home, dad will be waiting." Niall rolls his eyes dragging his hand up Zayn's back until it's wrapped in the back of his hair, he yanks it slightly Zayn's head falling back easily.   
"How about you just leave me alone. You go run home to daddy. Or better yet grow some balls and go fuck your girlfriend instead of being all over me." Liam's face falls, Zayn bursting into laughter.

Niall falters a little, looking between Zayn and a embarrassed Liam. Maybe he shouldn't have said that.

"I don't even know why I'm surprised." Zayn wheezes out bending over to slap his leg. "Oh my god, even Niall here is getting himself balls deep in dick. Fucking Saint Liam too scared to fuck. Oh poor Macy" he suddenly turns serious standing up straight again to give Macy a sympathetic look.   
Liam shakes his head, the look he gives Niall makes him want to crawl out of his skin.   
"Do you know what, you deserve him Niall. Fuck you okay. Just fuck you." Liam turns and leaves Macy following after shooting Niall such a nasty look he is sure he will turn to dust.

"Don't worry about them babes. Don't need em' do we." Niall can't take his eyes away from where Liam had been standing even when Zayn starts tugging at him.

He has fucked up. He can't believe he just said that. Used something Liam told him in confidence to purposefully hurt him.

He turns to Zayn his eyes wide. What the hell has happened to him?

Xxxxxx

Harry is sprawled out on the sofa half asleep, feet shoved in Louis lap when Liam storms into the house slamming the door shut behind him.

"You are late." He forces himself to sit up, with the help of Louis.

"Yeah well. You can thank Niall for that." He mutters as he stomps past them into the kitchen. Harry looks over to Louis as Liam starts banging around.

Harry scrambles up starting to panic as he rushes into the Kitchen, Louis hot on his heel.  
"What happened? Where is Niall? Is he alright? Liam where is Niall?" Louis presses his hand to his back, a silent way of letting him know to chill a little. Liam is drinking from a glass, anger radiating off him. He slams the glass down, wiping at his mouth.

"Niall is still at the party. Niall is very drunk. Niall is fucked on what I guess to be Ecstasy, because that's his thing now right. Niall is also an arsehole and right now I really fucking hate him. I have never hated him before but I do now." Harry feels like the floor has been wiped out from under him.   
"What." He leans back into Louis. He can't believe he was stupid enough to think Niall could go to this party and be fine.   
He was so, so disappointed.   
"Yeah, so I wouldn't be expecting him back tonight."  
"What did he do to you?" Louis asks hugging Harry to him. Liam shakes his head.  
"Nothing I want to talk to you about. But he said something that he knew would hurt me and he done it on purpose, which was great." Harry shakes his head wondering how he is still getting this so wrong. How is he still not protecting Niall right. What is he even supposed to do?  
"You don't think he will come home?" Liam refills his glass.  
"I doubt it. He is attached to Zayn's hip so I imagine that is where he will stay. I'm going to go to bed okay." Harry and Louis step to the side to let Liam pass, both not missing the watery look to his eyes.

Harry waits until he is upstairs before heading towards the door grabbing his jacket.  
"Where you going?"  
"To find Niall." Harry says like Louis is stupid for asking. What else would he be doing other then looking for Niall?  
"What about Liam? He is upset, probably crying right now. Don't you think he needs you to go up there? See if he is alright and if he wants to talk about to." Harry hesitates, hands still clutching his jacket.   
"Harry, if this was not Niall. If this was some bloke you meet in a club or at work and he was behaving this way and making Liam upset you would not be running out the door to find him. You would be getting him out of your life."  
"It's not a random, it's Niall." Louis sighs, rubbing at his face.   
"I know H, but at some point you decided that he was going to go from just Niall to being your boyfriend. You need to look at this in a different way now. He is your boyfriend, your boyfriend who is hurting your son. Make the right choice here please. Put Liam first." Harry knows he is right. He knows that if anyone else he was with romantically was acting the way Niall is then he would cut them out of his life because they where not healthy for him or Liam.

He didn't want to lose Niall though.   
He would stay for Liam tonight and he would just hope he can keep Niall, that Niall won't want to lose him either. He can't lose Niall.


	28. Chapter 28

Niall wakes up with a headache that makes him question why he does half the things he does in his life.   
He needs to piss and he needs to throw up but he also can't possible move. He may be quite happy to piss and vomit right where he is.

He also has a very sweaty Zayn draped over him. Once his eyes can open fully he discovers he is in a bedroom. A little girls bedroom to be precise, if the My Little Pony posters, sickening pink walls and really small bed are to go by.

Should he be worried about where the little girl is?

Removing Zayn's arms and legs from him is a hard task, and both are stripped down to just their pants so Niall has to practically peel his skin from Zayn's and its gross and makes him gag a little.

Getting out of bed is another whole new level of hard. He finds it easier to just roll and land on his hands and knees. The bed is pretty low to the floor so its not that far to drop at least. Unfortunately the room keeps spinning and crawling towards a door that will not stay still is hard. Why do people do this to themselves?

The hallway is a mess. Empty cups everywhere, food crushed into the carpet and god knows what all over the walls. It stinks too. What the hell happened last night? Where is Liam?

There is a person on the bathroom floor passed out with one legged propped over the bathtub, hands shoved down his pants. Lovely. They don't even stir as Niall empties his stomach and bladder. There is a tube of toothpaste by the sink, with a family of toothbrushes lined up. Niall spreads some on his fingers, rubbing it around his teeth in an attempt to not have arse breath.

Leaving the bathroom he bumps into a completely naked boy.

"Who's house is this?" The boy doesn't stop walking and Niall thinks he is ignoring him. Until he finally throws and answer over his shoulder

"Marshall's." Niall shakes his head walking back across the hallway.

"I do not know who that is." Zayn is awake when Niall walks back into the room, shutting the door behind him. He doesn't speak as Niall slides back into bed, just blinks up at the ceiling where a poster of The Wanted looks back at them. Once Niall is settled, not really sure as to why he is getting settled back into a little girls bed with Zayn, Zayn raises his arm pointing to the poster.

"That is a really shit band." His voice is raspy and sounds like it must burn, making Niall wince. "I have never heard them." Zayn drops his arms with a thud turning to face Niall. "Lucky." Niall turns on his side so they are chest to chest. For some alien reason Zayn manages to still look rather good, whilst Niall looks like death itself. "How are you not throwing up right now?" Zayn shrugs tangling his feet with Niall's, scratching his toenails on his skin. "You heading to school?" Niall buries his face into the pillow, groaning as Zayn runs his hands up his back.

"No way. We only have three days left, nothing that important will happen. Harry is going to kill me though, shit he expected me home last night I should probably go find Liam and go home to grovel." Zayn pulled away from Niall, laughing.

"You don't remember last night do you?" Zayn keeps laughing, rolling onto his back arm slung over his eyes.

"No, what happened?" Niall sits up a little, leaning on his elbows a little worried about what Zayn was finding so hilarious.

"Oh my god mate, you pretty much outed him for not sleeping with his girlfriend."

"What?" Niall sits up, ignoring the rush of pain in his head. What the hell.

"Yeah, you where getting all arsey about him trying to take you home. Told him to grow some balls and go fuck his girlfriend or something like that. It was funny man, he looked like a kicked little puppy." Oh god. Oh god, oh fucking god. Niall gets off the bed searching the room for his clothes.

"What you doing?" Niall finds his jeans kicked under the bed, hopping around the room as he tugs them up, looking for his top and hopefully some socks.

"I need to go find Liam. I can't believe I said that who heard?" His top is behind the dressing table and he wonders what the hell he was doing when he undressed last night.

"Pretty sure just me and Macy, and i'm going to take a guess and say she already knew his was scared to put it in." Niall cant believe he said that to Liam. To bloody Liam for Christ sake. He has fucked up, like fucked up so badly. Is he even going to be able to fix this? His and Liam's friendship was already a little rocky thanks to Niall and now he has gone and done something so nasty. What was wrong with him? Why does he keep acting like a shit?

"Ni chill out yeah, you're looking a little psycho. Liam is so far up your butt he wont care." Niall wants to slap him, he wants to climb back onto the bed and slap the shit out of his stupid pretty face. He also needs to find his shoes.

"I can't chill out because I have once again been horrible to Liam and I have once again done something that will no doubt have Harry going out of his mind and I just need to stop screwing up and where the fuck are my shoes!" Zayn grumbles leaning over the side of the bed pulling out Niall's shoes and throwing them at him. Niall shoves his feet into them glaring over at Zayn.

"You don't mention it to Liam ever alright? You don't get to use this against him, he is not scared he just wants to wait and there is shit all wrong with that so you keep your mouth shut." Zayn rolls his eyes tugging the blanket over his face.

"Whatever dude, go beg." Niall gives the finger to Zayn, leaving the room making sure to slam the door extra loud behind him.

Xxxx

Niall for the life of him can't remember what class Liam would be in right now so he just runs up and down the hallway looking in classrooms.   
Zayn was right about nobody from their year group being here today as most the classrooms where empty. He knows Liam will be here somewhere though because it's Liam. He would have been home and tucked up in bed by midnight so he could still come to school today.  
Or at least he guessed he was. He actually has no idea how long Liam spent trying to get him to come home.

"Mr Horan!" Niall stops, curses and spins on his heel a smile on his face. Great, Mr Sykes, just what he needs. The student shagging teacher.

"Hi Sir." Niall actually doesn't see what Zayn likes about Mr Sykes in the way. Sure he is not butt ugly. But he looks like a fifty year old teacher. Because he is.   
"May I ask why you are running the halls out of school uniform?" Niall laughs nervously backing away. May I ask why you are fine with shagging underage kids?  
"How about we talk about that later, places to be and all that. Bye Sir."   
"Just a minute please." Niall sighs shoulder slumping as he gives in to whatever talk he is about to receive.

"Look, I know skipping school is bad but I'm not the only one skipping today so how about we just ignore it and we let me get on with what I really, really have to go do. I shall make sure I am here for the rest of the week like a good little student." Me Sykes chuckles stepping closer to Niall and motioning to the empty classroom next to them.  
"In there please." He really is not going to give up. Niall rolls his eyes pushing the door open to step into the room. He heads straight to the back of the classroom hopping up on one of the tables, legs swinging back and forward. Mr Sykes enters the room slowly, looking up and down the hallway before closing the door. 

It's like something changes as soon as the door clicks shut. Niall's legs stop swinging, the change in atmosphere feels like a pair of hands are pushing against his chest. One look at Mr Sykes is all he need to know this chat is not going to be about Niall skipping. He starts to walk towards him so Niall jumps down and rounds the table to keep something between them.

"I noticed you have been spending some time with Mr Malik." Niall can't work out if this is going to be some kind of warning about keeping his mouth shut. Would Zayn have told him that Niall knows about them? Mr Sykes perches on the table in front of Niall, legs spread with his clasped hands resting on his lap. It does not seem like the man in trying to intimidate Niall in the slightest, so if he does know maybe he is okay with it. 

"I had actually hoped a friendship with you might have calmed him down a little. You are an exceptional student Mr Horan, top marks in all your classes, predicted to pass all exams with A's, you even have the top attendance. I spoke to some of the other teachers and they all agreed that you could go very far in life Niall, you have a good brain and you had good common sense. Your English teacher practically waxed poetry about you." Niall has always liked Mr Sykes and he was definitely in his top three teacher, like 10/10 would recommend. But since he learnt about his and Zayn's 'relationship' he has felt a little different about him. He gets that he is in his own relationship with quite a big age gap, but there was something just completely off about Mr Sykes with Zayn. Because Zayn was fourteen, fourteen, when they started sleeping together. He gets that he himself was only fourteen two years ago but he had been a completely different person then. He had been an actual child and he had looked like an actual child and Harry had never looked at him the way he does now. He had treated him the same as he did with Liam, and he had spoken to him yes and they had gotten along but he had mostly just seen Niall as Liam's best friend who comes over all the time and is pretty alright at having a conversation with. By the time Niall was fifteen him and Harry where a little closer, but he had been about for a couple of years by then and Harry was a lot closer with Niall's family so it was just a natural thing, there was no attraction at all. Niall changed a lot when he was sixteen, his baby fat went and he actually got a body with a shape and some tone to it, he got taller and he suddenly had an actual jaw line and it was quite the transformation going from fifteen to sixteen is what he is trying to say. He does not look like a child is what really matters and this is when Harry really started to notice Niall, not before. 

So he really did like Mr Sykes but now he just thinks he might be a bit of a creep and maybe he saw Zayn as this child who was having troubles and he could take advantage of that. He can't help but think of a younger Zayn sat in Mr Sykes classroom, Mr Sykes making Zayn trust him, getting Zayn to come back to his house. It leaves a sick feeling in his stomach,and he cant talk to Zayn about it really because it will just start a fight so he just lets the sick feeling stay and hopes Zayn knows what he is doing. 

"Unfortunately this new friendship has had quite the opposite result." Ah, here we go. "Your attendance has dropped over the past two weeks and it seems you are out of school more then you are in it. Like today for example, it's very nice to see you in the school building but I am guessing from what you are wearing you don't plan to stay to learn anything?" Niall shakes his head, more then half the year group are not here though so you can't really blame him. "I think we can give today a skip, I hear the party was rather wild last night. My other concern is your grades, naturally they have dropped with you not being in your classes to complete the work handed out or to collect any homework, and this may not effect your GCSE results because I would imagine your not silly enough to not be revising for them but it will effect how good you look to a collage when they see you did not put the effort into your lessons. It would be a shame for you to fall at the last hurdle Niall." Mr Sykes shifts, folding his ankles together.

"Zayn is a complicated young man with a lot of problems, he also has a very clever mind that has a very good way of twisting things to make them seem the way he wants them too. He can manipulate any situation the way he wants to and that can make the people around him make some very...unwise choices. I don't know what you both get up to in your privet time outside of school." Niall has to try very hard not to snort at this, and decides that Mr Sykes does not know he knows. 

"But I would like to think you might start making some of your own choices from now on, and that maybe them choices will results in you spending the last two days you have left of school working your butt off to prove how good of a student you are. You are about to enter the real word Mr Horan and it's not the kindest of places, I want you to do well out there and I hope you feel the same about yourself. Maybe it is time you evaluate some things in your life currently and get rid of anything that might be pulling you down." Get rid of Zayn he means, but does he want Niall to get rid of Zayn because he is not good for Niall or does he want Niall out of the picture so he can't make Zayn see what a creep he is. 

Niall clears his throat, forcing a smile on his face.

"I understand Mr Sykes, I will certainly take your advice and have a think about things. Thank you for being concerned about my future." Mr Sykes stands up straight adjusting his shirt and pulling his sleeves down.

"You are very welcome, now run along and do whatever it is you came here to do. I will see you bright and early tomorrow for lessons." Niall nods once his smile tight as he walks to the door, pulling it open.

"Oh and Mr Horan." Niall freezes, half out the door, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up because Mr Sykes has followed him and is standing so close Niall can feel his chest against his shoulder. 

"Just one more small bit of advice, if you would like your relationship with Mr Payne's father to stay a secret I strongly suggest you don't speak a word to anyone about mine and Mr Maliks. Am I understood?" Niall swallows, his hearts starting to slam in his chest.

"That sounds more like a threat then it does advice." Mr Sykes laughs, patting Niall on the back before pushing him fully out of the door. 

"I suppose it does, enjoy the rest of your day." Niall can feel Mr Sykes eyes on his back the rest of the way down the hallway, and it takes a lot of effort to keep his pace normal and his steps even because all he wants to do is make a run for it so he can panic. What the hell was Zayn thinking telling him about Niall and Harry? Jesus, if he thought Mr Sykes was a creep before then this just confirmed it. Niall takes in small gulps of air when he gets outside, not realising how he was holding his breath until the fresh air was filling his lungs. 

"Niall." Niall yells spinning round and coming face to face with Liam. 

"Niall are you OK?" 

"I don't know. Things are just so strange right now, like all this stuff keeps happening and it's all so strange and why do things keep happening. It's like Ma died and now everything is just." Niall makes an explosion sound, raising his hands in the air. Liam frowns following the movement of Niall's hands.

"Are you still high?" Niall shakes his head frantically, grabbing at Liam's shoulders.

"No, no I promise. I just had a really, really strange moment but I came here looking for you because I am so sorry Liam for what I said last night and for the way I behaved. God i never want to hurt you and you must have been so hurt and I am the biggest dickhead in the world because I love you so much and I still done it." Well he doesn't think he is high even though it would explain some things. Maybe he was hallucinating what just happened with Mr Sykes. He wasn't, but its a nice though. 

"It was a really nasty thing to do, right in front of Zayn too. I was just trying to help you Niall, because you need help. You see that don't you? Things have gone to far, you have a problem." Niall swallowed. He didn't like the sound of that at all. He doesn't want to be one of them people who have a problem. That needs to pop pills to be OK. But he is not stupid, he can feel the way his life is going completely out of control. He was hurting and disappointing people that he really didn't want to. 

"I do see that Liam, I really do. And it's going to stop yeah, no more parties and no more skipping school. We will stick together and it will be just school or back home. You forgive me right?" Liam looks so conflicted because he wants more then that. He wants Niall to get proper help and not just lock himself away and thinks that is the solution. He will be out in the big wide world all on his own soon, in new places with unfamiliar things and people around him and he needs to be able to say no. 

"Zayn needs to go too. No more talking to him and seeing him. If he goes then I will forgive you and we will work on getting you better." No more Zayn. Could he do no more Zayn? He has started associating Zayn with good things in life. Like laughter and carefree feelings and forgetting all the bad shit. It's not all good though, he also means drugs and bad places and Niall being a person that he is not supposed to be. Someone that would make his mother turn in her grave. 

"Alright yeah. If that's what it takes Liam I will ditch Zayn, I don't need him do i? I got you. Just you and Netflix's is all I need." Liam rolls his eyes before pulling Niall into a hug. 

"You get your head sorted Niall alright? You do it again and i'm going to have to walk away for good. I can't keep watching you do this." Niall buried his head into Liam's neck, breaths him in and holds a little tighter. He wants to try, of course he does. Will he be able to though?

"I need to go home and face the music now don't I?" He feels the movement of Liam's head as he nods. Great.

"I'm ditching the rest of school as there is like three other people in class, Louis doesn't have anymore classes so he is taking me out for burger and bowling so you get the house to yourself while he kills you." That makes Niall nervous as hell but its a good thing. Harry is going to want to say stuff he can't say in front of Liam, he just hopes he still wants him, 

xxxxxx

Downstairs is empty when Niall gets home, and once he drags his sorry arse up the stairs he can hear music coming from Harry's room. He takes a shower first, knows Harry will hear it and know he is home. He feels like crap and wants to be a bit fresher when he comes face to face with him. 

He dresses in a pair of Liam's trackies because they are looser on him then his own trousers and he needs to be comfortable. He then shoves on one of his own white tops before rubbing his hair dry and dumping his towel on the floor. He considers finding other things to do to keep himself busy but figures he is just going to piss Harry of even more if he takes to long. 

When Niall walks into his room Harry stops playing straight away and places the guitar down against the wall. He motions for Niall to come stand in front of him. He moves towards him slowly taking in the small bags under his eyes, his slightly paler skin and his messed up hair. He done that, he is the reason Harry looks so tired and stressed. Once Niall is stood in front of him Harry leans forward until his face is pressed into his stomach, his arms wrapping around his waist bringing him in even closer. Niall closes his eyes, tangling his fingers into his hair and bending down to rest his forehead on the top of Harry's head. 

"This has got to stop." His voice is shaking, oh god Niall has made him cry. Niall squeezes his eyes tighter shut wishing so badly that he could go back in time and never go to that stupid party last night.

"I know."

"Your hurting me Niall." 

"I know."

"I kept thinking of all the things that could have happened to you. Kept thinking someone was going to knock on my door, or the phone was going to ring and that would be it." His voice wobbles,his grip on Niall getting tighter.

"It's go to stop baby, stop doing this to yourself and to me please. Please just stop." Niall drops to his knees, taking Harry's face into his hands feeling the wetness of his tears under his fingers. His own tears where falling now, and he could picture the little creaks appearing over his heart at what he was doing to Harry. 

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry darlin', I don't mean to hurt you I really don't. I'm just... I don't know whats wrong with me, but it's going to stop it really is. I don't want to hurt you or Liam anymore. I don't want to keep letting my Ma down. I am so sorry." He kisses Harry and its wet and messy but it Harry so its perfect. He thinks this could be the turning point, he knows he nearly pushed it to far with Liam and Harry, he knows this could be his last chance to actually keep them in his life. He cannot mess up again and he wont. He will stay away from Zayn, he will lose himself in school work and Liam and Harry and all the good things in life. He will stop giving himself excuses. He will ace his exams, he will sort his relationship with his dad out, he will work on moving on from his mothers death, he will shower Liam in love and kindness, he will enjoy every second of falling in love with Harry. He will be OK because not being OK will take so much away from him. 

"I was so scared." Harry tugs at the bottom of Niall's top both of them parting so he can slip it over his head. 

"Kept thinking about losing you." Harry pulls him back up so he can kiss over his chest and stomach, tongue swirling over his nipples whenever he passes them. Niall keeps his eyes open even though they keep trying to flutter shut because he wants to see it all, wants to see Harry's red lips press to his skin, wants to see the small flick of his tongue and wants to see the green of his eyes each time he looks up at him, the wetness to them making his heart constrict each time. 

"I can't. Losing you is something I can't do Niall. I need you, I need you or I might stop breathing. You could kill me you know, so you can't leave me." Niall uses Harry's hair to tug his head back, leaning down to capture his lips in his own once again. 

He cant believe the things he feels for his man. He never imagined when this first started that he would feel like this. Like he could lay his life down for Harry without a second thought, like Harry was the reason for each breath he took. Because Harry has the same power over him, Harry could kill him to just by not wanting him. Harry keeps Niall's heart beating and Niall keeps Harry's beating and its beautiful really. Its more then Niall thought possible.

"I love you." He speaks the words into Harry's lips, who swallows them with a gasp. 

"I love you too, so in love with you." They both laugh, gripping at each other as they clamber onto the bed, Niall pulling Harry's top off while also kicking his own trousers off, and he didn't put pants on so he is spread across Harry completely bare now which is exactly what he needs. 

Harry's hands go straight to Niall's arse, squeezing then spreading his cheeks. Niall fumbles for Harry jeans, because they are rough under his hardening cock and he just needs them off Harry. 

Harry helps him in the end, playfully nipping on Niall's bottom lip as they work them down leaving him in just his boxers, tented with his own hard cock and slightly damp from precum. 

"I'm gonna be better for you, so much better. Be everything you need." He kisses the words in Harry's skin, leaving extra kisses over his heart before pulling him out of his boxers and taking him into his mouth. Harry keens, hands flying to Niall hair.

"You are...everything already." He groans, bucking his hips a little making the head of his cock nudge the back of Niall's throat. Niall opens up the best he can, breathing heavy trough his nose and trying so hard to keep his eyes open so he can watch Harry. He works his tongue around him, getting him as wet as he can his own spit dribbling down his chin as he covers Harry's cock. When Harry feels a wet slippery mess in his mouth, and he is breathing like he always does when he is close Niall drags his mouth tightly up his length letting his lips come of with a wet slurp Harry's cock red and swollen. 

"Want you to get me nice and wet now." He crawls on his knees up Harry's body, his eyes lighting up when he realises what Niall is asking. He titles his hand back, mouth falling open as Niall kneels over his face. Niall makes him work for the first taste, keeps himself up so he is just far enough away that Harry whines and lifts himself up to lick a strip over his hole. It feels good, far to good to keep teasing Harry so he drops down, his own hand wrapping around his cock to give it a few lazy tugs as Harry works on getting him open and wet. He uses just his tongue at first, licking around Niall's hole to tease him and make him shake with it, then he pushes in fucking Niall with his tongue making his legs tense and his back curl inward, his hips rolling as he fucks into Harry face. Then he adds one finger, slowly pumping it in time with his tongue, then two then three. Once Niall has stretched enough to take three fingers comfortable Harry raises him up a little, focusing now on spreading his spit so Niall is wet and dripping. 

"God look at you, so open and wet for me." Niall moans, head dropping as he fucks down on Harry's fingers as they fuck up. 

"You going to let me fuck you like this baby? Nothing but our spit for me to slide into you with?" Niall gasps as Harry removes his fingers, instantly missing the feeling of being full. He gently moves Niall until he is on his back, legs parting for him and his hands reaching out to pull him closer.

"I love you." Niall nods drawing Harry down so he can kiss him.

"Love you too." Their is a little bit of resistance when Harry first pushes inside him, but of course there is when all they have used is their own spit to get Niall ready for him. But Niall likes it, it kind of drives him a little crazy actually, that all they used was each other. Harry shifts Niall's hips and it changes the position enough that Harry slides the rest of the way in with a groan, his head falling to Niall's chest where he pants and kisses all over Niall's skin. 

"You feel so good baby, never felt as good as I do with you." Niall closes his eyes, head falling back. There is a little ball of emotion building in his throat that is growing with each thrust, each moan, each touch and with each rush of love that Niall feels. He doesn't think it's a bad thing when a few tears fall, because he is happy and he has had an emotional few days and he feels so loved right now. Harry seems to understand because he just holds him closer, and he whispers sweet things in his ears that having him gasping and rolling his hips more and they make him cry. 

This is it really, he thinks, this could be the rest of his life. He has never had anyone else before but he does not need anyone else. He just needs Harry and he is in love with Harry and his whole world and the rest of his life could be Harry and it will be the best kind of life Niall could ever live. 

They come together, Niall holding on so tightly to Harry he is sure he will sink into him and become one with Harry, not that he has to become apart of Harry to be one with him. That seems to be happening all on its own. 

Niall really enjoys this small moment right after they have both finished. When they have yet to catch their breaths and Harry is kissing over Niall's face and Niall is still so blissed out from his orgasm. He even likes the messy parts. The sweat, the come dripping from him, Harry's come. He likes watching Harry slowly come back to himself eyes still bright but clearing up a little as he smiles down at him. He likes that they take a shower together to clean up. Likes that Harry helps to wash him, to remove himself from Niall's skin, replacing what was once there with kisses when Niall starts to whine, because he still wants some kind of a trace of Harry on him. He likes that they fall back into bed after for cuddles, for Harry to tell Niall how beautiful he is. He loves Harry, he really does, and wow that's a massive thing.

"Not that I want you too, but why have you not like shouted at me." Harry moves Niall's wet fringe from his face, his cheeks still red from the shower as he smiles down at him, dimples showing.   
"I don't think you need me shouting at you. I can tell you feel different this time, like this really could have been the last time I have to worry about you. I think you're strong enough to do what's right." Strong. Niall doesn't think he is strong still all, he is weak. Weak enough to let himself take drugs to cope with his mother's death and everything else that heads his way that is a little bit hard to deal with.   
"I'm not strong, not really." Harry tuts, kissing the tip of Niall's nose.   
"You are strong, you just have to let yourself believe it. And you make me strong and you make us strong. Which is good because we need to be strong to deal with this, and we need to be strong to be apart for a long time. I'm pretty confident that we can do it all because you will keep us together." His finger slides across Niall's chest, drawing a circle above his heart. He likes that Harry thinks he is strong enough for the both of them, not that he needs to be. Harry is also a pretty big factor in why they will make it through anything.

"I can't wait to get letters from you. You will write me letters won't you? In your beautiful writing with your beautiful words?"

"My writing is not beautiful, it's like chicken scrawl. Thank god for technology." Harry laughs, dipping his head down.  
"Everything that you do is beautiful. But yes thank god for technology, as much as I will enjoy your letters I would miss your face and awful lot if we could face time " Niall frowns pulling away from Harry who raises his head to look at Niall.

"You actually know his to use face time? I thought they would be a bit before your time cause you're old." Harry gasps, digging his fingers into Niall's sides making him screech and kick his legs.   
"You cheeky little sod." Niall laughter bounces off the walls, surrounding them both like a blanket as Harry tickles over his side's and belly, nipping his teeth into his cheeks a few times.  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry OK stop, ah aha" Niall tries to wiggle free, the blanket now bunched up at their feet as they kick about the bed.   
"Stoooop! You're young." Niall let's out an extra loud laugh his stomach twisting.   
"I love you." Harry stops, his own laugh mingling with Niall's as he kisses him hard.   
"What the fuck." Harry gasp jumping away from Niall so quickly Niall barely has time to register what's happening. But when he does he feels his whole world drop from under him.  
"Liam."


	29. Chapter 29

"What the actual fuck is this?" Niall scrambles for the blanket yanking it up to cover himself as Harry grabs his boxers.   
"Let us explain Li, we can explain this." Liam laughs his hand coming up to cover his mouth.   
"Explain. You think you need to explain, it's pretty obvious what you where doing. Oh my god." He backs out of the room his head shaking. 

There is footsteps coming up the stairs and then Louis is standing there looking from Harry and Niall to Liam. 

"Oh no." Liam turns to him, arms raised and finger pointing in Niall and Harrys direction.

"They were in bed together, kissing." He spins back round his eyes boring straight into Niall's again.

"Why were you kissing him? Why are you....what's going on Niall? My fucking dad!" Niall flinches tugging the blanket up around him a little tighter, his eyes darting over to Harry.  
"Don't look at him." Liam marches into the room coming to stand between Niall and Harry.   
"You don't look at him, you look at me." He grabs Niall's chin yanking him back to face him.   
"Liam just calm down mate." Louis walks into the room slowly and Niall hopes he will take him away. Take Liam away from this horrible situation so he doesn't have to see the anger and disgust in his eyes anymore. It's all aimed at him too, he hasn't looked at Harry once, it's all being aimed at Niall.  
"You've been having sex with my dad haven't you?" Niall closes his eyes, his chin wobbling in Liam hand, he can't cry. He has no right to cry right now. He deserves this, he deserves anything Liam wants to say or do.   
"Answer me!" He tightens his grip, his nails digging into Niall's skin.  
"Yes! Yes we have been sleeping together." Liam let's go of him stepping back.

"I want to talk to Niall alone."   
"What, no." Harry rushes forward standing next to Niall by the bed.   
"We can talk together, all of us so we can tell you what's going on." Liam still doesn't look at him, eyes trained on Naill who can't look away from Liam either.   
"I don't want to talk to you, I want to talk to Niall and I want to do it alone."   
"But Liam-"  
"No! Just Niall." Niall looks to Harry and gives him a slight nod to let him know it's alright, that they should just do whatever Liam wants them to do.

Harry steps back looking nervously between him and Liam before letting Louis gently pull him from the room. Niall wonders what will happen if Liam can never come to terms with them being together, if Liam makes Harry choose.   
Today could have been the last time they got to be together and Niall won't be able to live with that.   
Liam looks around the floor until he has Niall's top and boxers in his hands throwing them towards him.  
"Get dressed." Niall pulls his boxers on under the blanket, Liam walking over to the wall and sliding down to the floor hands rubbing over his face. 

"How long as this been going on?"   
"Liam you need to to underst,-"  
"How long have you been letting my dad fuck you?" Niall slumps back, Liam just needs to let them say this the right way. If he just let them explain everything together, if he gave then the chance to say what they need to say then he might see this for what it is and not some dirty thing.   
"That's only been happen for a few days, but we have been kissing and stuff for a few weeks now, a little after ma's funeral." Liam scoffs dropping his head to his knees.   
"I don't...I just don't understand." Liam pulls himself back up, walking over to the window his back to Niall.   
"Is that why you're friends with me because you fancy my dad? Has this been like your goal this whole time, to get him into bed? Jesus Christ Niall it's my dad." Niall gets off the bed moving to stand behind Liam.  
"No, god no," Liam moved away from him to the other side of the room "Liam I swear it's not like that, it's all new Ok how I feel about Harry is new and I'm friends with you because I love you and no other reason and me and Harry are only just getting into this and if you just let us explain together you would understand." 

"I will never understand this. You and him will never ever be right no matter what crap you both come out with. I can't even comprehend what I just saw and I don't think I ever want to. Is this a thing to do with the drugs? You can't help yourself because your not yourself? Is he taking advantage?" 

"What no!" 

"Then what is it!" Liam steps forwards, face red as he screams at Niall.   
"Why are you doing this! Why would you possibly think this is something that you can do, why would you think this is something you can do to me!" 

"I'm in love with him Liam." Liam stares at him in disbelief before raising his hand and slapping Niall hard enough to send him stumbling to the side. Niall let's out sob, hand shooting up to hold his cheek. 

"Why? Why him, of all the people why my dad? He is all I have Niall." Niall shakes his head not bothering to hold back his tears now.   
"It just happened, we tried to stop it. I swear we tried, we didn't want to hurt you and we where going to tell you when I got back. If we where still together we where going to tell you. Liam please" he knows as soon as he says it that it was the wrong thing to say, that he had just made it clear him and Harry where going to be keeping this a secret from him for at least another year. They just wanted to make sure they where serious and stable before they brought Liam into it, because it's not worth all this upset if it was just going to die out while Niall was gone. 

"I need to go. I can't be around either of you right now." Niall follows him out of the room, desperately trying to think of something, anything that could make this even a little bit Ok. There is nothing though, nothing at all that he can do. He had started a relationship with Harry knowing it would hurt Liam. He kept it a secret knowing it would hurt Liam. And he let Liam find out in such a horrible, shattering way. He was his best friend and Harry was his dad and they where supposed to protect and love him. All Niall had been doing lately was hurting him again and again. 

"Liam please. Just stay and talk to us." Liam runs down the stairs, Louis and Harry both waiting for him.   
"I'm coming with you Lou."  
"Alright." Louis steps forward wrapping his arm around Liam, giving Niall a sorry look.  

"You should stay here so we can talk about this and sort it out." Harry says, looking frantic at the thought of Liam leaving.   
"I don't want to stay, or talk or sort it out. I just want to get away from you." He shoves his feet into his shoes, Louis pulling the door open for him.   
"But I'm your dad, you should be here with me." Liam spins around and for the first time since he walked in on them he looks Harry straight in the eye with so much hatred that even Niall reacts to it and steps back.   
He rushes forward his finger jabbing into Harry's chest.  
"You are not my dad." Niall can see the exact moment that Harry breaks, his eyes instantly filling with tears and his body jerking forward and it takes all his strength to not run over to comfort him.   
"Liam." Liam shakes his head before storming out of the house.   
Harry goes to follow but Louis stepped forward blocking the doorway.

"Don't. You will just cause a scene and he doesn't need that. I fucking told you this would happen." He looked between Harry and Niall.  
"You've got to deal with it now. I will keep an eye on him, try and talk to him for you, but whatever happens is on you and this choice you made. Both of you." Louis leaves, the door slamming closed behind him leaving Niall watching Harry from the stairs as he stares at the closed door crying.  
"He didn't mean it."  
"Yes he did." Niall steps down the last few steps closing the gap between them, Harry dropping his head down to Niall's.  
"He really didn't Harry. He is just angry and he wants to hurt you. He couldn't stop mentioning that you're his dad upstairs." Harry sniffles wiping at his face with his sleeve.  
"What did he say to you? Louis wouldn't let me listen in, I didn't want to leave you." Niall runs his hands in Harry's hair tugging slightly before letting go to wipe at his own face.  
"He just wanted to know how long and why, I was honest with him but I'm not sure if that made it better or worse." Niall decided not to mention the slap, he didn't want to make this any worse for Harry then it already was. 

Harry takes a shaky breath, stepping away from Niall pressing his hands into his eyes.  
"This is a nightmare, the one thing we didn't want to happen. What if he doesn't come back, he looked at me like he hates me." His bottom lip wobbled then he started crying again. Niall gripped onto his wrist gently pulling Harry's hands away from his face, he hated seeing Harry so upset even if they both deserved to be feeling this way.

"He will come back darlin', he just needs to take some time and get his head around it. Lou said he would talk to him, and I'm sure he will come back and we can all talk it through." Harry nods dropping his head to Niall's again, wrapping his arms around his back and drawing him closer to him until their bare chest are pressed together. 

"I'm sorry. I should have kept an eye on the time, I can't believe I didn't think about him coming home." 

"It's my fault too. I've been messing up so much, but it's happened and we just gotta deal with it now." Harry kisses Niall's shoulder, breathing him in keeping his lips pressed to his skin. 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"We will be fine."

"We will always be fine, me and you always." 

Xxxxx

"Hi" The phone rumbles loudly in Harry's ears as Louis let's out a sigh.   
"Hey." Harry is standing in the kitchen, slowly stirring some soup that he is sure neither him or Niall will eat.

Niall had been reassuring Harry all evening and making sure he was alright and just generally being positive, but he was also being unnaturally quite so Harry knew he was worried just as much as he was. 

"How's Liam?" Harry places the wooden spoon down, turning the hob off and moving the sausepan to the side. 

Harry loved making soup. He liked cutting and preparing all the ingredients and it normally relaxed him, but tonight his hands had been shaky so he had nearly sliced himself a load of times and he found himself just getting more frustrated. Apparently soup making is not a good stress reliever after your son has declared you are no longer his dad and left. 

"Not good. I haven't really been able to talk to him yet, he has mostly been shut up in the spare room. He was really fuming on the drive here and I think he has been crying a lot. It's a massive shock though mate, walking in on something like that." Harry sighed turning to lean on the worktop, trying to not think to much about Liam crying.

"We weren't having sex when he walked in, if that's what your thinking."

"I wasn't. He said you weren't. But I imagine seeing your dad naked with your best friend is enough." Harry groaned squeezing his eyes shut. How the hell is this even real? 

"Niall told him he is in love with you." Despite everything going on Harry manages to smile. He didn't know Niall had told Liam that. 

"Yeah, we said it for the first time today actually. I mean we knew it was heading that way but I was not sure if he would say it any time soon. I really love him Lou." 

"Well I thought you might considering you risked all this happening. How you holding up?" Harry turns back round to grab a couple of bowls out of the cupboard. 

"Don't know, not good. I just can't believe it's happened really. I guess I was just being stupid thinking Liam would find out from us when we where being so careless." He divides the soup into the two bowls pulling open the cutlery draw to get some soup spoons.

"Yeah I think you maybe where. Listen mate, I know I said I was going to be on Liam's side with this and I am, but I really am going to try and talk him round a bit. I still think this was a stupid thing for you to start, but you love him so i support you both. Liam might get used to the idea eventually."  Harry really hopes that could be true. It would always be weird, and he doubts they could act like a couple in front of Liam but it would be so nice to have everyone being at least a little ok with it. Liam's blessing was going to be such an important aspect to his and Niall's future.

Harry just had to work out of they had one if Liam never gets on board with it a little. 

"Thanks lou, and thanks for letting him stay with you, at least I know he is somewhere safe." Harry leaves the kitchen to go find Niall and tell him food was ready.   
"No problem, I will keep an eye on him and make sure he is alright and all that parental stuff." Harry finds Niall in Liam's room, crouched on the floor with his suitcase. Harry's eyes travel over the contents, half of it sprawled all over the floor as Niall searches for something. Seeing it all is like a punch in the gut for Harry.   
He really is leaving.   
"Make sure he eats before he goes to sleep." Harry sounds strained and it gets Niall's attention making him sit up straighter and turn to look at him.  
"I will."  
"Something healthy."  
"Christ I think he has earned himself free range of my cupboards, ice cream and chocolate for us thank you very much." Harry bites his lip, his eyes glued to a travel book of Grease.

"Ring me in the morning please."  
"Will do lad, love ya!" Harry's hands are shaking when he hangs up, slipping his phone back into his pocket. 

"How's Liam?" Harry steps into the room, dropping to his knees next to Niall, carefully moving his camra out the way.

"What you looking for?" Niall dives back into the suitcase moving aside folded clothes.

"I had these forms that I have to take with me to the doctors when I have all my shots and stuff, thought I better get them out as my appointment is next week. Can't find them though." Harry chuckles tucking a piece of his hair behind his ears.

"Silly boy." Niall playfully rolls his eyes, giving up on his search for now to look at Harry.

"You didn't answer. Is Liam alright?" It takes a lot for Harry to not ask Niall to stay again. To mean it this time. 

"He is struggling, Louis is going to try and talk to him tonight, just giving him some space right now."  Niall smiles sadly, taking Harry's hand in his entwining their fingers together. 

"You got everything you need?" Harry asks motioning to the suitcase, changing the subject away from liam.

Niall huffs shrugging his shoulders.  
"I think so? Ma sorted out most the stuff before she died, she made sure I had all the papers I need and all these different medicines that I'm not even sure I can take on a plane." He laughs leaning against Harry a little.   
"She even got me a couple of  cheap back up phones incase I lost mine, I have the travel books, the sensible clothing, ya know all the boring stuff mothers like to do." Harry looks at him closely for any signs that he was upset but he still had the small smile on his face.  
"It kinda makes me feel like she is still here looking after me when I see all this. It's nice. She really wanted this for me."   
"I know." And it why's Harry could never make him stay. Niall wanted this for himself and for his mum. It was the last thing he would be able to do for her, live out this amazing plan that they had both planned for him together. She wanted him to live before he settled down and done the grown up stuff, Harry wanted the for him too even if he also wanted him to stay and start a life with him instead. 

He can wait. It's just a year and they have facetime and texting and letters and he will still get to talk to him most days.   
He can wait. 

"What if I leave and he still hates me? What if I come back and I'm just not apart of his life anymore?" Harry snaps his attention back to Niall, notices the small stray tear and pulls him onto his lap his own throat getting tight.  
"That won't happen, it's you and Liam. It will work out."   
They stay on the bedroom floor after that, Harry hugging Niall to him the food downstairs completly forgotten. Until Niall suddenly sits up again and continues his search and Harry leaves him to it, going back downstairs. 

He dumps the soup, placing everything into the dishwasher before sitting down at the kitchen table his eyes landing on some papers. He pulls then towards him to see that they are the ones Niall is looking for. Trust Niall to get them out ready then completly forget about them.

Harry pushes them back out of his reach before he gives in to his urge to rip them up and throw them away. 

Xxxxxx

"Hey mate." Louis pokes his head into the spare bedroom, Liam is laying on the bed like a star fish looking up at the bare ceiling.   
"Fancy some ice cream with me? Contains no vegetables, fruit or any other nutrition's I swear." Liam's lip twitches a little which Louis counts as a win really.   
"Flavor?" Louis looks at the tub in his hand.  
"Brownie." Liam sighs flopping only his belly.  
"I do love brownie." Louis cheers waving the tub above his head.   
"Come eat it with me then." Liam rolls off the bed, tugging at his jumper with a frown.   
"Can you give me some clothes to change into first? Can't chill in my uniform really." Louis nods placing the ice cream down going to his room to grab Liam some pyjamers. 

He leaves Liam to change, getting himself comfortable on the sofa an episode of Big Bang Theory playing quietly in the background. 

Liam come shuffling in minutes later, Louis bottoms way to long for him and the shirt drowning him. He looks so much like a little kid again Louis wants to pet him. 

Liam jumps onto the sofa grabbing a spoon from louis and digging in. They eat in silence for a while, Liam watching the TV and Louis not sure if he should wait for Liam to start talking or if he should start the conversation. 

Liam makes the choice for him in the end, letting out a huff twisting to face Louis.

"So you knew right? Like from the start." Louis clears his throat, sitting up a little straighter. He whishes he could say no, that he had no idea and was not apart of keeping this from Liam. But he was not up for lying and just hoped Liam wouldn't hate him for it. 

"Yeah I did. Your dad told me when he started seeing Niall in a romantic sort of way." Louis was not good at these kinds of talks and he really hoped he didn't mess this up and make everything worse.  
Liam had to make the decision to support Harry and Niall or not and Louis was going to let him do that. But he wanted to answer any questions Liam had in a way that might push him more towards acceptance if he can. 

"And this was shortly after the funeral?" Louis nods, licking his spoon clean.   
"And you where alright with it." Louis laughs sticking the spoon back into the ice cream.  
"Oh god no. I tried to talk him out of it, set him up on that date and even told Niall to back off. None of it worked though. I think this thing between them is pretty strong." Liam looks away chewing on his lip.

"I don't understand how it happened though. If they didn't like each other before why the sudden change."

"I think they just grew closer while Niall was greiving. They spent a lot of time talking and your dad saw things he didn't see before, I don't really know Liam. You should probably talk to them about this." Liam shakes his head throwing his spoon down on the table.

"No. I prefer hearing your point of view, they will just want to make this all seem like it's OK but you will give me an honest opinion." Louis plays with a loose piece of thread in his jeans kicking his feet up on the table.

"Liam. I think it is all OK ya know. I think they might be good for each other, they are genuinely in love." Liam shuffles until he is sat right on the edge of the sofa, head falling into his hands. 

"I just can't get my head around it. It's Niall and my dad and they have been sleeping together. Let's just start from the beginning right, so we have had Maureen's funeral and Greg buggers off and Bobby turns to shit so Niall goes to dad yeah and dad's not going to turn him away so they talk a lot and get closer?" Louis nods and Liam continues.

"So then this thing starts happening, what even was it to start with? Did they just fancy each other? Have feelings for each other?" 

"I think it was just attraction at first." 

"Ok." Liam shuffles around until his feet are tucked under his bum, his eyebrows draw together as he thinks.

"So what happens next? They just get more and more attracted? They kiss?" 

"I'm not too sure because I was against it to begin with. He just told me that he was feeling things for Niall, he wanted to avoid it so he agreed to the date. That was a disaster and he spent the whole time whishing he was with Niall. As far as I know after that they agreed to some time apart, but when Niall came back round again they still felt the same. Then Harry had told me they kissed for the first time." Liam slumped back against the sofa, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Jesus. And then what? They have been together ever since?" 

"Not completely. At first they where just going to fool around a little, nothing to serious. I never thought that was a good idea trust me. But then that night when Niall had that really bad trip, he was really scared Liam and it was so obvious to me how much Niall means to him. And Niall, when he was a little more with it just wanted Harry near him all the time. I can see it when I watch them together you know, it's something special." Liam looks away from Louis, using his sleeve to wipe over his eyes.

"I don't want them to have something special. I want it to be normal. How it should be." Louis moves closer to Liam, slinging his arm over his shoulders to hug him.   
"I know love." Liam breaths out his nose, screwing his face up like he was trying to not cry harder.

"So it's not just fooling around anymore. It's a big deal now." Louis presses his lips to the side of Liam head, his fingers lightly scratching at his scalp.

"Yeah mate, it's a big deal now. They love each other, they are good for each other. But if you don't like it then they will have to deal with it alright? You don't force yourself to be OK with this just because they are in love. I think you should talk to them both soon, together. Ask what needs to be asked thing's that maybe I can't answer for you, then decided what you want to do." Liam nods, untangling himself from Louis arms. 

"I'm going to head to bed, I need to just think about all this." He pulls himself up, straightening his top.  
"Night Liam." Liam walks back into the bedroom, the door clicking shut quietly behind him. Louis let's out a breath, rubbing at his face before grabbing his phone. 

Spoke 2 Li. He is not 2 bd. Think he might talk 2 you soon. Luv ya 

He drops his phone in his lap falling onto his back with a huff. His phone rings so he grabs it thinking it's Harry calling to talk. A smile creeps onto his face when he sees Cassie's name flash across the screen.   
"Hey beautiful."


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Niall tops.

When Niall wakes up the next morning Harry is already awake watching him.  
"Hey creep." He smiles tucking himself into Harry more.  
"Morning beautiful." Niall blushes reaching up to pull at Harrys hair. Harry leans down for a kiss, which Niall successfully dodges.  
"Morning breath!" Harry laughs pulling him back.  
"My mouth has been on your arse, you think I'm worried about some stupid morning breath?" Niall swats at Harry's arm but gives in and lets him kiss him on the mouth.   
"What time is it?"  
"Six thirty." Niall grones against Harry's lips, his toes curling when Harry dips his tounge inside his mouth.   
"I have to get up and get ready." Niall says pulling away from Harry and getting out of the bed. Harry whines and drops face first into the pillow. Niall chuckles leaning over to kiss the back of his head before grabbing his boxers and yanking them on.

"Sorry love. I need to be on time since I have been slacking so much, gonna mess up how good I look on paper apparently." Harry's head pops back up frowning.  
"How messed up? Your gonna be alright when it comes to applying right?" Niall puts his top on then grabs his mobile off the side to check for messages. None of course because his best friend hates him right now.  
"Hopefully not, I worked my butt off for most the year. Should still get straight A's in my GCSE, it will be fine." Harry rolls on to his back, arms stretching above his head.  
"Ooooo my boy taking his GCSEs that's so hot." Niall snorts throwing a random sock towards him.   
"I didn't know that got ya going. I would have used it last night if I knew." Harry laughs rolling around in the bed until he is wrapped up in the blanket like an adorable burrito.

"We will remember for next time. Hey isn't this like your last day wearing uniform? Non uniform tomorrow right?"

"Yep, last day off school requires no stuffy school jumpers thank god." Harry waggles his eyebrows.  
"Maybe I could ruin that uniform when you get home."

"Oh my god. I have no idea if you're joking or not and that worries me. I'm getting food ya great big perv." Harry's laughter follows him down the hallway, and that's nice because it covers up how empty the house feels knowing Liam is not here. They there is no Liam to drag him out of bed and moan at him to hurry up as they get ready for school.  
It hits him then that he will be seeing Liam today. There is no way Liam will take the day off school so he will most definitely be crossing paths with him at some point.  
Do they have the same classes today? Niall has been so out of it that he can't remeber his timetable. He will have to check his school diary for the first time in months just to see where he has to be.   
They will pass in the hallway though. Even on days when they don't share classes they would pass in the hallway with a high five as they go, and they always have lunch at the same time. 

Niall makes himself some toast trying to not get himself to worked up over if he should try and talk to Liam or not and what should he say if he does.

Harry walks into the kitchen, bare feet slapping against the floor as he goes about making himself a drink. It all feel ridiculously domestic, the way they move around each other to get ready for their days. Standing side by side in the bathroom as they brush their teeth, standing either side of the bed as they get dressed, Niall huffing because his tie wouldn't cooperate with him and Harry huffing because his hair won't lay how he wants it too. Their eyes meet across the room and they both smile before going back to their tasks. 

They put their shoes on together, Niall grabbing his school bag and Harry picking up his rucksack, banana clutched in his hand. 

"Have a nice day at school."

"Enjoy work." They kiss before parting ways, Harry getting in his car and Niall jogging to the end of the path to start his walk. 

Yeah it's really nice, and Niall can see this, can see this being his future where him and Harry wake up together and have breakfast before getting ready for their days and kissing goodbye. 

They just need to get Liam on side to make it a possibility. 

The walk to school is to quite and seem to take double the amount of time without Liam next to him talking in his ear about a load of crap.

Walking into the school grounds is different to. And it's not like he hadn't walked into school alone before when Liam has ran off to go grab something from his locker or when he has seen Macy and wants to go give her a morning kiss. It's just feels different when he is alone because Liam does not want to be with him.

He hasn't let on to Harry how sacred he actually is. Yes he had admitted he is worried Liam won't be in his life anymore, but he is terrified.

If Liam decides he does not want Harry and Niall to be together anymore then Harry will leave him and Liam still won't want to have anything to do with Niall for being with Harry in the first place. 

If he does let them carry on then chances are it will be completly different and they won't be as close.

He will either lose both or have just one. He can't see a way to have Liam like he did before. 

He heads to his locker first to grab his school diary to help navigate through his day and is quite pleased to see he has double English first. This is good, he can let himself get lost in revision and practice papers and maybe work out what he is going to do if he bumps into Liam.

He can't really talk about the big stuff and risk causing a scene that will just upset Liam more, and he shouldn't talk about him and Harry without Harry being there. He wants to find out how he is doing but asking him that seems like a stupid question.

"Good to see you Niall." Niall smiles taking the papers being handed to him and getting stuck in, ignoring the rest of his class as he works through everything handed to him. 

He spends the second hour reading through of mice and men and making notes and highlighting parts he really needs to memorize. 

It nice to be back in his normal mundane routine even if he still has a load of stress going on in the background. 

When the bell goes for break Niall grabs his bag and keeps his copy of his book in his hand as he makes his way to the canteen to get a drink. He keeps his eyes peeled for Liam but doesn't see it anywhere, which is odd because they always pass in the hallway between lessons. He starts to worry Liam has skipped because if he has then things really are bad. 

Niall settles down in the corner of the canteen, sipping from a bottle of water as he continues making notes in his book, his eyes occasionally flicking across the room to search for Liam. He hasn't seen Macy either, or her group of friends so maybe Liam asked to go somewhere else to sit knowing Niall would be in here. This sucks so much even if it is deserved.

Niall takes his time when the bell goes, packing his things away slowly so he is the last to leave and he doesn't have to deal with the busy hallway. His next lesson is science, a class he actually had with Liam so he is slightly nervous to get there incase he finds Liam's seat empty. 

"Well this is a nice surprise Mr Horan, and dressed appropriately too well done." Niall stops walking, screwing the lid back onto his bottle before turning to face Mr Sykes.  
"Yep, go me." Mr Sykes chuckles looking down at his shoes with that stupid smirk on his face. Maybe that is what him and Zayn have in common, they both smirk in a way that makes you want to slap them. 

"Well I do hope you thought about our conversation the other day, and took my advice." Niall knows exactly what advice he is on about too and it is not the whole try harder at school. Niall tilts his head to the side pretending to be thinking about it before answering.

"Oh right yes! You mean the conversation were you threatened me so I didn't let the whole school know you like to have sex with fourteen year old students? That one?" Mr Sykes startles looking around to make sure the hallway was still empty.  
"You see Sir, Mr Payne already knows about my little secret so I'm not really that worried about him finding out anymore." Niall gasps covering his mouth with his hand.  
"Oh my gosh, I guess you don't have anything else to threaten me with. I do hope I can keep my mouth shut. Huh I do like to gossip though, well shucks this is a bit of a dilemma for you." Niall spins back round on his heel walking away.   
"Wait." Mr Sykes grabs Niall's arm yanking him back harshly making Niall stumbles and fall into him, water bottle falling to the floor with a thud.  
"You listen here you little shit." He shoves Niall back until he is against the wall, the grip on his arm tightening.  
"Mason?" Both their head snap to the side to see Zayn slowly walking towards them.  
"What's going on?" He asks his face screwed up as he looked between them.  
"Yeah Mason what's going on?" Niall gives him a pleasant smile, quite enjoying the way he was squirming under Zayn's look. 

"Me and Mr Horan where just discussing how he was going to be catching up on some missed time. Nothing important." He lossens his grip on Niall so he took the chance to yank his arm back resisting the urge to rub at the sore spot. 

"You sure?" He directs the question at Niall who just nods bending down to pick his water back up.

"Gotta get to class or I will be really late." He walks away shaking his head. Just one day where somthing doesn't happen, that is all he is asking for. 

"Hey, wait up Ni." Niall keeps walking ignoring Zayn. He had promised Liam he would stop hanging out with Zayn and he was determined to see through that promise.

"Niall dude." Niall turns the corner to his science class and hopes that Zayn gives up on trying to talk to him. All he needs is Liam to suddenly appear and see them together. Niall had made to many mistakes lately and it has to stop.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Niall sighs and stops walking, hiking his bag up his shoulder more as he faces Zayn.

"Look I'm sorry but I just don't think we should hang out anymore." Zayn looks around him like he thought Niall could be talking to someone else.  
"What? Why?" Niall feels bad because Zayn is looking so confused and Niall does like him, he never thought he would but he does but if he can't spend time with him without hurting other people then it wouldn't work.   
"Its not healthy, this friendship and you must be able to see that? You bullied be Zayn, you taunted me and you hurt me and you used my own mums death against me. It was stupid of me to even think we could be friends without it being this really toxic mix. So I just want to put a stop to it now, and you will just have to accept that." Zayn face goes from stunned to angry and back to confused as Niall turns.

"Your boyfriend's a dick by the way."  
"He is not my boyfriend!" Niall shrugs raising his hands in the air.  
"Still a dickhead."   
"You're a dickhead." Niall laughs facing Zayn again.

"If cutting you out my life so I'm not popping pills every five seconds makes me a dickhead then I will happily be one." Zayn's face darkens as he closes the gap between them.

"Drugs? Thats what this is about, there is a lot more to me that drugs and you're the one the choose to take them you arsehole I don't force them on you." 

"Oh really. Because I said no at that party and you kept mentioning it, you push it Zayn and you make it sound like something I need and you mess with my head and I am done! I don't want to hurt people and risk everything I want just for a stupid pill that makes me feel good for a few hours. I can't even think of a time we hung out without being high." Zayn's shoulder slump, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. 

"I thought I was helping, if you really didn't want to then I wouldn't have. I mean at first yeah I was doing it on purpose, but then it was different and if you just told me you wanted to stop I wouldn't have even offered it anymore. You wanted it Niall, you never asked me to stop." And that is true. Niall knows he didn't actually asked Zayn to stop offering him thing's, that he purposefully didn't ask Zayn to stop because he wanted to let himself blame Zayn when he gave in, because that was better then excepting that he just really wanted to. 

"What's this really about?" 

"For Christ sake. Liam gave me one more chance ok! One more chance to not mess up and in order to not mess up I need you out of my life. I'm not risking anything happening if it means losing Liam. He knows about me and Harry so I need to do everything I possible can to make him forgive me and not hate me more then he already does so please just leave me alone." Zayn doesn't push it anymore and he doesn't go after Niall he just watches him as he walks the rest of the way to his class. 

Niall is not actually that surprised to find Liam's seat empty.

Xxxx

When Niall gets home he heads straight up to Harry's room to get undressed. He hadn't seen Liam at all or Macy so they where either really good at avoiding him or they have skipped together to talk about what a horrible freak Niall was.   
It made him feel like shit so all he wanted to do was get into some of Harry's clothes and revise. 

He kicked his trousers off, pulling a face at them as they landed in a heap. He never had to wear them again and was considering doing some kind of celebration that involved burning all school related clothes. 

He undone his tie, leaving it hanging around his neck as he unbuttoned his shirt. 

They had to dress smart for school tomorrow as they have this leavers assembly thing and there would be photos taken so at some point Niall would have to go through Liam's wardrobe for a nice shirt and hope he didn't mind if he saw him in it tomorrow. 

Hands grab hold on Nialls waist and lips press to the back of his neck. Niall let's out a girly squeal that he will never admit to, Harry laughing into his hair.

"Jesus Harry, I didn't even hear you come home." Niall goes to slip his tie off but Harry stops him.  
"Keep it on." Niall feels his face flush as Harry starts to walk them to the bed.  
"My shirt?"  
"That too." Harry pushes him down onto his back, crawling on top of him with a cheeky smile, dimples out in full force. Niall should probably be ashamed that he is already growing hard but he is not. 

"So I have this thing, and I have never told you before because it's kind of wierd I think. But I figured this is the last day I can actually let myself enjoy this and you love me right? And therefore you have to embrace my weird things." Niall chuckles running his hands up Harry thighs   
"Ok, what is this wierd thing? Please say it involves my dick." Harry looks down to Niall's bulge, rasing his eyebrow before giggling like a bloody kid. Jesus he swears Harry could kill him.

"Well my thing is.." he grabs both ends of Niall's tie and uses it to pull him up until their lips are almost touching.  
"I find you so ridiculously hot in your school uniform and if you don't let me put your trousers back on so I can suck your dick I will probably cry." Niall can't help but laugh loudly making Harry pout and drop him back to the bed.   
"Heyyyy, embrace my wierd kinks Niall!" Niall hides his face into his arm.  
"I'm sorry, I am embracing it i swear." He bucks his hips up so Harry rolls off him and jumps up of the bed so he can go grab his trousers again.   
"Look, fully embracing." He makes a show of putting his grey trousers back on, leaving the button and flies undone. 

Harry looks at him, biting on his bottom lip.  
"You look so hot." Niall looks down at himself.  
"Really? I look like hundreds of other high school kids." Harry shakes his head frantically sliding off the bed and onto his knees crawling towards Harry. Niall cock twitches at the sight of him like that, all wide eyed and plump lips parted as he eyes Niall with hunger. 

"No you don't. God Niall you don't even know. This is driving me crazy, with your shirt all unbuttoned so I can see your body, tie hanging here for my to pull on and trousers all undone ready for me to take you in my mouth. Perfect." He runs his hand over Niall stomach, face pressing into his crotch to mouth at his dick.  
"Can I blow you like this?" Niall swollows then nods hands already moving to wrap in Harry hair.  
"Thank you baby." Niall closes his eyes, taking deep steady breaths, seeing Harry look so desperate and bloody thanking him was enough to make him come. 

He pulls Niall out of his pants eagerly making Niall wonder how long Harry had been thinking about doing this.

He had always felt like such a child when Harry saw him in his uniform, he had no idea Harry had created this little fantasy around it. 

"Oh fuck." Harry takes his entire length into his mouth, his throat bobbing as he swollows him down.   
"Oh god, oh fuck, oh god." Harry looks up and his eyes are watering slightly already and it makes Niall's stomach twist because he doesn't slow down he just pulls back until Niall's tip is resting on his lips then he goes back down again. Niall moans loudly tugging on his hair as he keeps working his mouth up and down, tounge swirling around the tip then flattening as he deep throats him.   
"Close, already getting close so good love." Harry pulls off with a sinfully loud slurp, a string of spit hanging from his lip and connecting with Niall's cock. 

He is up like a shot and before Niall can catch up with what's going on he finds himself throw on the bed, hands yanked above his head as Harry ties him to the headboard.  
"Want you to fuck up into my mouth and come." Niall mutters a 'sweet Jesus' tugging his hands to check how tight the tie was, not tight enough to hurt but he wasn't getting out himself any time soon. 

Harry takes him back into his mouth and it takes Niall a while to get his body working. Harry humms tapping Niall's side, making Niall apologize then start to buck his hips up into Harry mouth. 

It felt so good, being able to set his own pace and use Harry's mouth to get off while Harry just took it, keeping his lips nice and tight for Niall.

Niall flung his head back mouth falling open in a silent moan when Harry starts rolling his balls in his hand, the coldness from his rings shooting right up his dick. 

When he finally managed to drag his head back to look at Harry he lets out whimper at the sight. Harry's lips puffy and wrapped around him, spit dribbling down his mouth making a mess of his trousers, he is sure Harry is doing that on purpose. 

He goes to grab his hair letting out a fustrating whine when his wrist pull back, the tie tightening a little around his wrists. 

"I wanna touch you." He yanks his hands again, his knees raising up his hips movement becoming a little more frantic as Harry started bobbing his head, sliding down as Nialls fucked up making him slam into the back of his throat harder. He make a choking noise that sends a vibration up Niall's back, another pool of spit running from his lips and down Niall's cock as he does it again. 

Niall can't work out if it's torture having his hands tied above his head so he can't touch or if it's making the whole thing so much better.

He can't seem to stop yanking on the tie though, and he enjoys the way it digs into his skin, reminding him that he is bound and can't use his hands. 

He looks up biting down hard on his lip when he sees the skin turning a little red.   
"Oh fuck yeah Harry, so good." He looks back down to Harry moaning out loud when he catches his eyes, wide and watering as he takes Niall in as far as he can. 

"I'm so close." Harry closes his eyes again, bringing his thumb up to Niall's hole. It's dry so it burns and drags a little but as soon as Harry pushes it past his rim he crys out and starts coming. Harry splutters and gags a little but manages to swollow it all keeping his mouth tight around Niall's cock until the last drop of come has spilled out and Niall flops back onto the bed, wrist dangling above his head. 

Harry crawls up his body breathing heavily as he pumped his hand up and down his cock, red and leaking.   
"Can I come on your face?" Niall grones, feet digging into the mattress as he nods lifting his head up slightly to make it easier for Harry to angle himself. 

"You look so good like this, all fucked out and tied up." Niall is mesmerized by the sight of Harry's hand working over his own cock, the wet sound of his precum sliding between his hand.   
"I'm gonna come." Niall closes his eyes just as Harry jolts and let out a drawn out groan, his come coating Niall's cheeks, lips and chin. Niall opens his mouth and manages to catch a little between his lips, his tounge darting out to lick up what it can reach taking in the sweet taste of Harry.   
"Jesus Ni." Harry makes quick work at untying him, having to lean forward and use his teeth because Niall had pulled enough to make the knot a little too tight. Not that Niall minds, he kind of liked the pain and this way he gets to kiss Harry's belly while he works on the knot. 

When he finally gets Niall free he places a kiss to each of his wrists before placing them on the pillow by his head. He climbs off Niall so he can hop off the bed and get a wet cloth from the bathroom to clean Niall's face up a little before getting back on the bed with him, curling up into his side.  
"Was that ok?" Niall chuckles looking down at his school trousers, damp with Harry's spit.  
"They was definitely OK, maybe we should keep the uniform." Harry giggles blushing a little.   
"Maybe. Thank you for letting me have my wierd little fantasy." Niall shrugs running a Hand through Harry's hair.  
"It's not wierd. I just make everything sexy." Harry swats at him but then has to agree really.   
"Oh man Harry I have to revise now but my brain is all fuzzy from your mouth, if I fail and go nowhere with my life I'm blaming you." Niall gets off the bed, slipping out of his uniform and walking over naked to Harry's wardrobe to find something comfy to wear. Harry lays on his stomach grinning at the sight of Niall's butt.  
"That's fine I will accept responsibility and then I will make you my house husband and sex slave. See you don't need an education and a job, just me." Niall tries not to blush and squeal at the word husband. Because that's a thing for way into the future and Harry is joking.  
Bloody hell Harry would make a good husband though.  
And Niall thinks he would make a pretty good sex slave.  
"Would I have to call you Daddy? Did I please you Daddy? Let me suck your cock Daddy, spank me Daddy I have been naughty!" Niall laughs but then Harry is throwing a pillow at his head and Niall forgets about getting dressed because a naked pillow fight is much better. 

Xxxxxx

They are curled up on the sofa, Niall with a science book on his lap and a soft frown on his face, Harry with his knees tucked up to his chin a cup of tea in his hand watching the news on the telly. 

It feel strange being just them two in the house but he is trying to not focus on that so his brain can actually take in what he is reading. Why does he even need science? He wants to write books not build space ships or whatever important stuff science people do. 

Harry tuts from next to him so Niall glances at the TV to see they are talking about melting iceberg's and all things global warning that Niall doesn't like to think about too much, it normally leads to him picturing his future children in some kind of disaster movie. 

"You want something to drink?" Niall shakes his head, pencil scratching across the page as he makes a note.   
"A snack?" Niall shakes his head again, using his pencil to itch his nose.  
"A cuddle?"  
"Busy."  
"A kiss?" Niall smiles then puckers his lips out, Harry eagerly leaning over to give him a quick little peck.   
"What you reading about?" Niall opens his mouth to answers, let out a puff of air then laughs.  
"I have no clue. I have no idea why I am predicted to get an A in science, I mostly just wing it and say something that sounds smart with some letters thrown in." Harry places his mug on the side before yanking the book out of Niall's hands so he can climb onto his lap, knees digging into the sofa either side of his waist.  
"Then take a break. Seeing you be all smart gets me a little hot so let's make out." Niall laughs against Harry's lips, hands running up his back.  
"A lot of things seem to get you hot, are you the teenager?" Harry grones, rubbing his nose across Niall's cheek.  
"Around you yes. You're really sexy." Niall rolls his eyes pushing Harry closer to him as the kiss deepened.  
Niall was just starting to chub up in his pants a little when Harry's phone started ring. He pulls away with a groan.  
"That will be Louis calling me back." He pecks Niall one more time before sliding off him to go talk in the kitchen. 

Niall picks his book back up and trys to focus on that instead of eavesdropping, but it's hard when he can hear the sad tone to Harry's voice. In the end he dumps his revision on the floor and gets up to join Harry.   
He is sat at the table, head in his hand as his listens to whatever Louis is saying. Niall sits across from him laying his hand palm side up in the middle of the table. Harry looks up giving him a sad smile before reaching over to take it.   
"What about the leavers assembly tomorrow, does he want me there?" His shoulders slump his head falling back.  
"Just let him know I love him please, and I really want him home." Harry hangs up dropping the phone to the table with a clatter.  
"What did he say?"  
"Not much really, Liam is still being quite but he went to school."  
"I didn't see him, he wasn't in class." Harry sighs wrapping his other hand around Niall's his thumb rubbing in small circles.  
"Louis said he went to the headteacher, requested he get taken out of any classes he shares with you and got permission to spend breaks in the teacher lounge. He doesn't want me at the assembly tomorrow, which really sucks because that's my kid finishing high school." Niall get ups and rounds the table so he can slot himself on Harry's lap wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. 

"I'm sorry Harry, I'm so sorry he found out this way and I'm sorry for pushing this with you and not just leaving you alone." It really hurts knowing Liam had felt strong enough to actually be removed from any class he shared with Niall, it was only two days and Liam couldn't stand to sit in the same room with him for that time. But Harry missing out of Liam finishing high school after all the time he has put in to making sure Liam's school life was successful and all the excitement of him moving on to the next stage of his life is a lot worse then Niall missing out on a few lessons with his mate. 

"Nothing for you to be sorry about love. I could have been more sensible, I could have stopped us from doing anything in the house and I should have done. And don't even be sorry for this starting between us, I love you and will never regret this." Niall tucks himself into Harry more, he was glad Harry had no regrets over starting a relationship with him but he still felt guilty for what was happening now. 

"We haven't discussed what we are going to do if Liam wants this to stop?" Harry pulls away from Niall his grip on him loosening.  
"I don't want to think about that."  
"Well I think we have to Harry, want if he walks back in the door tomorrow and asks us to end this? I need to know what that means for me." Harry stands up, forcing Niall to get to his feet and perch against the table as Harry marches over to the side.   
"That might not even happen. Louis said he is thinking about things, trying to get his head around it all." And that's great, it really is good that Liam is letting himself think about the possibility of them staying together but surely there is a bigger chance he won't be able to do that. That he is going to give Harry no choice but to leave Niall.   
"Just in case, would I have to go back home? Would I be able to stay here but just not be with you? Will you and Liam even be in my life anymore? What's the plan?" Harry is gripping the side so tightly his knuckles are turning white his head bent down so all Niall can see his the slop of his back.   
"I haven't made a plan because I don't want to because I don't want you to move back home and I don't want you to stay here but not be able to kiss and touch you or tell you I love you. How the hell am I supposed to just decided what happens to you if I'm forced to let you go? I love you Niall, I'm fucking so in love with you it's ridiculous so Liam has to understand all this. He just has to." Niall crosses the room, closing the gap between then so he can wrap himself around Harry's back, pressing a kiss to his neck before resting his forehead on his shoulder. 

"Ok darlin', I'm sorry. I love you too and I'm sure it will work out, it's just going to be difficult for a bit but we knew that when we started this. We make each other happy and that might be enough for Liam. I didn't mean to upset you."   
Harry turns in Niall's arms, bending slightly so he can press their cheeks together.  
"It's just been so up and down lately and you're the only thing keeping me a little grounded. I don't want to give you up, I can't lose you." He kisses across to Niall's lips his hands cupping his face.  
"I'm not going to ever lose you, tell me that please." Niall grips tightly on the back of Harry top tugging the material outwards as his fist closes around it.  
"You're never going to lose me."   
"I don't want to spend a single day away from you." He moves them backwards until the kitchen table hits Naills back, his hand releasing it's hold on Harry's top to move up to the hair by his neck. 

The kiss is a little intense making Niall lean into Harry more as he feels like his feet are going to leave the ground.  
He tries to push away his thoughts that this feels like Harry is kissing him for the last time and instead let's himself enjoy the pressure of his lips against his own, takes in the taste of his tounge when Harry swipes it along his bottom lip, sometimes pushing it past his lips just a little. Harry's hands move all over him, from his face then down across his shoulders to his back then to his bum before slowly going back up again just to repeat the same journey again leaving Niall with a constant trail of goosebumps over his skin. 

Nialls hands drop from Harry's hair to slide into the waistband of his trousers, running across the soft skin there and digging into the slight podge that Niall likes to tease him for, telling him it's his age showing when actually he loves the softness of it and loves grabbing and biting at it. 

He pushes down further when he is happy he has groped at it enough, flattening his hands over Harry's cheeks giving them a little squeeze before slotting a finger between his cheeks to ever so slightly run over his hole. Harry breaths out of his nose, tickling across Niall's face as he pushes a little harder. Harry gasps, breaking the kiss to buck his hips forward his chin nearly slamming into Niall's forehead.

Niall has actually never fingered Harry before, and apart from eating him out a couple of times Niall doesn't actually know if Harry likes things up his butt. Maybe that's something he should have asked before trying to shove his finger in there.

"Sorry, I got carried away." Niall moves his hands, desperately hoping he didn't ruin the moment and Harry will go right back to kissing him.   
"It's ok, just.." He grabs Niall's wrist bringing his hand round to his front and up to his mouth taking his three fingers in and wetting them up. Niall watches with wide eyes his cock getting incredibly hard as Harry mouths and licks at his fingers.  
"Get them wet first." He moves Niall's hands back to the back of his trousers pushing them inside for him.  
"What really?" Harry nods arching his bum out like he just wants Niall to get on with it already.   
"You like that?" Harry moans brushing his nose against Niall's.  
"I love it. Please." He kisses Niall again hands grabbing at his waist as Niall slowly moves his finger to his hole again, feeling a lot nervous about hurting him as he pushing the first finger past his rim. Harry gasps into Niall mouth then starts kissing him harder as Niall pumps his finger.   
It's a lot softer then Niall imagined, warm and velvety and wet around his finger and he can feel Harry clenching around him everytime he slides his finger back into him, a little deeper each time.

He adds a second finger when Harry starts to whine and pant against his mouth his fingers digging into Niall's waist hard enough that Niall could wake up tomorrow with little bruises. 

Harry shifts his hips, parting his legs a little making Niall's fingers change position and slip deeper. Nialls eyes widen when he feels the tip of his fingers brush against Harry prostate, Harry crying out then biting down on Niall's lip. 

Niall keeps his wrist in the same position then goes for it again, a little harder this time making Harry moan and fall into him a little.  
"Shit baby." Harry sounds so wreaked already sending a dripple of precum down Niall's cock dampening his trousers and makes his eyes roll.

It gives Niall such a high to make Harry feel this good and it's the kind of high he can't get from anything else. Pleasing Harry is the most addictive thing Niall could ever do.   
"You feel so good, so tight and warm around my fingers." He speaks with his lips pressed to Harry air, biting on the lob a little making Harry breath stutters.   
"Bet you would take my cock so well." Harry makes a desparete noise, nodding and gripping at Niall.  
"I would. Would be so good for you." He kisses Niall's shoulder, leaving a damp patch on his top.  
"You can if you want. Take me to bed and fuck me." Niall pauses earning a grunt and a small bite from Harry. He pulls back until he can see his face, all flushed red and dazed eyes and wild hair.   
"You would let me do that?" Harry tries to kiss Niall again, who keeps moving back so he can still see Harry.  
"Yes, yes I would. That or just keep going with this." He uses his hand to try and get Niall moving again, pushing and grinding against him.   
"Anything, just want you to take care of me." Niall is completely memorised by Harry like this, he has never seen Harry so under his control before so ready to hand over all the control to him. Niall thinks he needs this though, needs Niall to take over and make him feel wanted and safe and needed.

He is scared what could happen between them, scared that Liam could put an end to them for good. This is what he needs and Niall can give that to him. He trust Niall enough to do this with him and it blows his mind. 

"Ok, shit ok let's go upstairs." Harry hisses as Niall removes his fingers but is quick to take his hand and lead him upstairs, looking a little off balance as he takes Niall up the stairs looking over his shoulders with such a spaced out look. 

"You sure about this Harry?" Harry nods stopping just by the bed to kiss Niall.  
"Yeah, if you want to." Niall swollows his nerves removing Harry's top before doing his own.   
"You still haven't told me about all these." He whispers while placing small kisses over Harry's many tattoos littered over his chest.  
"I will. I'll tell you everything." Nialls breath shakes as he removes their trousers watching Harry as he gets a bottle of lube out of his draw.  
"I'm happy for no condom are you?" Niall has to bite back the 'holy shit' that wants to leave his mouth at the thought of being inside Harry bare. He never thought he would get to fuck Harry, now he was about to and he was going to feel all of him.  
"Sure. That's good with me." Harry grins moving over to lay on the bed.  
"You want to open me up?" He pops the cap off the lube the sound echoing in Niall's ears, and he can't believe how calm Harry looks when Niall feels like he is about to explode with it all.   
"Umm, could you? I don't really know...I don't want to hurt you." Harry smiles softly, motioning for Niall to come join him on the bed.  
"That's fine baby, kiss me while I do it yeah." Niall climbs onto the bed, laying on his side next to Harry as he draws his legs up and pours some lube onto his fingers.   
"And don't worrying about hurting me, I will help you." He kisses Harry but it's sloppy because Niall can't focus knowing Harry has his fingers inside himself and Harry is moaning into the kiss, mouth occasionally parting to let out puffs of breath and it's one of the hottest moments ever knowing Harry was getting himself ready for Niall.   
"I'm all good, want to get yourself ready." Niall sits back up on his knees, letting himself look down where Harry has three fingers lazily pumping into himself with his cock laying hard against his stomach, the sight almost enough to make him come and end this before it's even started. 

His hands are shaking when he picks the lube up, applying some to his cock before spreading it.   
"Do you need more?" Harry shakes his head, face scrunching up as he removes his fingers.  
"You ok?" Harry questions shuffling about until his legs are either side of Niall.   
"Yeah, you?" Harry takes hold of Niall's waist drawing him a little closer.  
"Perfect. Just go slow to start with." Niall adjusted himself so he is laying over Harry, one hand next to his head while the other grips onto his cock and holds it to Harry's hole.  
Harry reaches up to tangle their fingers together parting his legs a little more.

Niall still can't believe Harry is letting him do this, that he is trusting Niall to make this feel good.

He pushes his tip in, gasping at the feel of Harry squeezing tightly around him.   
"That's it baby." Niall can't take his eyes of Harry as he slowly eases inside him, stopping every now and then to let Harry adjust, waiting for him to squeeze his fingers to let him know he can go again.

The feeling is undescribable, Niall bare and inside Harry. He wonders if he feels like this. If he is this tight and soft around Harry. 

Harry reacts so well to him too, back arching and body twisting on the bed as Niall sets a steady pace, arms shaking and moans tumbling from his lips with how good the drag feels. 

He is inside Harry, he is actually inside Harry and making Harry feel good. 

"So good, feel so good you can go faster if you like." Niall grabs the back of Harry's knees, hoisting his legs up a little because that's a position he loves himself so figured it might work for Harry too.   
Once Harry is settled again, one leg over Niall's shoulder and the other raised up as comfortable as Harry can keep it he starts to rock quicker into him.  
"Oh God yes." Nialls head drops down to Harry's, already wet with sweat around his hair.   
"Harder, harder please, feel so full." Niall grabs at the headboard, leaning forward until Harry is practically folded in half snapping his hips forward harder into him.  
"Oh fuck, oh fuck just like that, Shit Niall oh god." Harry's hand slam flat just below Niall's using the headboard for leverage as he rocks with Niall.   
Niall cries out, sweat running from his hairline and down his neck.   
Harry is a mess underneath him, hips now moving quickly with Niall making the mattess squeak a little with the movement. He really didn't expect Harry to enjoy being fucked quite this much. 

His movements start to get a little sloppy and he can't work out if it's because he is close or because he is getting worn out. Whatever the reason is Harry obviously gets fed up with the pace slowing down as he lets out a fustrated grunt, removing his legs from Niall's shoulder so he can flip him onto his back. Niall slips out of him and let's out an 'oof' as he lands on his back. Harry is quick to climb over him, a cheeky smile on his face as he grabs Niall cock and lines himself up, slowly lowering himself down Niall.

Niall brings his knees up to support Harry's back, his eyes fluttering shut as Harry starts to ride him.  
"Look at me." Niall forces his eyes open, his lips parting and his hips bucking up when he sees how good Harry looks riding him, his hips rolling.  
"Want you to see what your cock does to me." Niall curses followed by a moan trying his hardest to keep his eye open and on Harry. It's hard though and he can hardly control his body. He has to keep snapping his eyes back open and his hands are all over the place. He can't decide if he wants them in Harry's hair or on his face, wrapped around his arms or maybe on his back so he can feel his muscles working, or just above his arse so he can feel as he rocks onto him. 

"I'm close, gonna come just from your cock." Niall finally settled on grabbing Harry arse, digging his heels into the bed so he can fuck up as Harry fucks down making Harry's body jolt and these cute little fucked out moans leave his lips that go straight to Niall's cock bringing him closer and closer to his own climax.   
Harry let's out a draw out 'baby' then is coming across Niall's stomach and chest his arse clenching tightly around Niall as he spills inside Harry.  
"Fuck." Harry slows down, working Niall through his high, stopping when Niall goes boneless against the bed.   
"Fuck." Niall says again making Harry giggle and blush.   
"You liked that?" Harry asks as he gently rises up off Niall.  
"Fuck." Harry falls down next to Niall, grimacing a little as Niall's come drips from him.   
"Are you broken?" Niall turns his head to face Harry, his breath moving Niall's hair from his face and cooling his hot head a little. Harry looks blissed out, eyes half closed and plump lips parted as he catches his breath his chest red and heaving. Niall figures he must look about the same and feels like he will never catch his breath again.  
Being inside Harry is something he will never get over, and something he definitely would like to do again. He finds it kind of sexy that it's something they could possible share.   
Harry runs his hand over Niall's stomach, gathering his own come up with his fingers then bringing it to his mouth to lick them clean.  
"Hmm I taste good." Niall blinks then turn away from Harry to look up at the ceiling.  
"Fucking hell." Harry styles was going to be the death of him. 

When Niall wakes up the next morning Harry is already awake watching him.  
"Hey creep." He smiles tucking himself into Harry more.  
"Morning beautiful." Niall blushes reaching up to pull at Harrys hair. Harry leans down for a kiss, which Niall successfully dodges.  
"Morning breath!" Harry laughs pulling him back.  
"My mouth has been on your arse, you think I'm worried about some stupid morning breath?" Niall swats at Harry's arm but gives in and lets him kiss him on the mouth.   
"What time is it?"  
"Six thirty." Niall grones against Harry's lips, his toes curling when Harry dips his tounge inside his mouth.   
"I have to get up and get ready." Niall says pulling away from Harry and getting out of the bed. Harry whines and drops face first into the pillow. Niall chuckles leaning over to kiss the back of his head before grabbing his boxers and yanking them on.

"Sorry love. I need to be on time since I have been slacking so much, gonna mess up how good I look on paper apparently." Harry's head pops back up frowning.  
"How messed up? Your gonna be alright when it comes to applying right?" Niall puts his top on then grabs his mobile off the side to check for messages. None of course because his best friend hates him right now.  
"Hopefully not, I worked my butt off for most the year. Should still get straight A's in my GCSE, it will be fine." Harry rolls on to his back, arms stretching above his head.  
"Ooooo my boy taking his GCSEs that's so hot." Niall snorts throwing a random sock towards him.   
"I didn't know that got ya going. I would have used it last night if I knew." Harry laughs rolling around in the bed until he is wrapped up in the blanket like an adorable burrito.

"We will remember for next time. Hey isn't this like your last day wearing uniform? Non uniform tomorrow right?"

"Yep, last day off school requires no stuffy school jumpers thank god." Harry waggles his eyebrows.  
"Maybe I could ruin that uniform when you get home."

"Oh my god. I have no idea if you're joking or not and that worries me. I'm getting food ya great big perv." Harry's laughter follows him down the hallway, and that's nice because it covers up how empty the house feels knowing Liam is not here. They there is no Liam to drag him out of bed and moan at him to hurry up as they get ready for school.  
It hits him then that he will be seeing Liam today. There is no way Liam will take the day off school so he will most definitely be crossing paths with him at some point.  
Do they have the same classes today? Niall has been so out of it that he can't remeber his timetable. He will have to check his school diary for the first time in months just to see where he has to be.   
They will pass in the hallway though. Even on days when they don't share classes they would pass in the hallway with a high five as they go, and they always have lunch at the same time. 

Niall makes himself some toast trying to not get himself to worked up over if he should try and talk to Liam or not and what should he say if he does.

Harry walks into the kitchen, bare feet slapping against the floor as he goes about making himself a drink. It all feel ridiculously domestic, the way they move around each other to get ready for their days. Standing side by side in the bathroom as they brush their teeth, standing either side of the bed as they get dressed, Niall huffing because his tie wouldn't cooperate with him and Harry huffing because his hair won't lay how he wants it too. Their eyes meet across the room and they both smile before going back to their tasks. 

They put their shoes on together, Niall grabbing his school bag and Harry picking up his rucksack, banana clutched in his hand. 

"Have a nice day at school."

"Enjoy work." They kiss before parting ways, Harry getting in his car and Niall jogging to the end of the path to start his walk. 

Yeah it's really nice, and Niall can see this, can see this being his future where him and Harry wake up together and have breakfast before getting ready for their days and kissing goodbye. 

They just need to get Liam on side to make it a possibility. 

The walk to school is to quite and seem to take double the amount of time without Liam next to him talking in his ear about a load of crap.

Walking into the school grounds is different to. And it's not like he hadn't walked into school alone before when Liam has ran off to go grab something from his locker or when he has seen Macy and wants to go give her a morning kiss. It's just feels different when he is alone because Liam does not want to be with him.

He hasn't let on to Harry how sacred he actually is. Yes he had admitted he is worried Liam won't be in his life anymore, but he is terrified.

If Liam decides he does not want Harry and Niall to be together anymore then Harry will leave him and Liam still won't want to have anything to do with Niall for being with Harry in the first place. 

If he does let them carry on then chances are it will be completly different and they won't be as close.

He will either lose both or have just one. He can't see a way to have Liam like he did before. 

He heads to his locker first to grab his school diary to help navigate through his day and is quite pleased to see he has double English first. This is good, he can let himself get lost in revision and practice papers and maybe work out what he is going to do if he bumps into Liam.

He can't really talk about the big stuff and risk causing a scene that will just upset Liam more, and he shouldn't talk about him and Harry without Harry being there. He wants to find out how he is doing but asking him that seems like a stupid question.

"Good to see you Niall." Niall smiles taking the papers being handed to him and getting stuck in, ignoring the rest of his class as he works through everything handed to him. 

He spends the second hour reading through of mice and men and making notes and highlighting parts he really needs to memorize. 

It nice to be back in his normal mundane routine even if he still has a load of stress going on in the background. 

When the bell goes for break Niall grabs his bag and keeps his copy of his book in his hand as he makes his way to the canteen to get a drink. He keeps his eyes peeled for Liam but doesn't see it anywhere, which is odd because they always pass in the hallway between lessons. He starts to worry Liam has skipped because if he has then things really are bad. 

Niall settles down in the corner of the canteen, sipping from a bottle of water as he continues making notes in his book, his eyes occasionally flicking across the room to search for Liam. He hasn't seen Macy either, or her group of friends so maybe Liam asked to go somewhere else to sit knowing Niall would be in here. This sucks so much even if it is deserved.

Niall takes his time when the bell goes, packing his things away slowly so he is the last to leave and he doesn't have to deal with the busy hallway. His next lesson is science, a class he actually had with Liam so he is slightly nervous to get there incase he finds Liam's seat empty. 

"Well this is a nice surprise Mr Horan, and dressed appropriately too well done." Niall stops walking, screwing the lid back onto his bottle before turning to face Mr Sykes.  
"Yep, go me." Mr Sykes chuckles looking down at his shoes with that stupid smirk on his face. Maybe that is what him and Zayn have in common, they both smirk in a way that makes you want to slap them. 

"Well I do hope you thought about our conversation the other day, and took my advice." Niall knows exactly what advice he is on about too and it is not the whole try harder at school. Niall tilts his head to the side pretending to be thinking about it before answering.

"Oh right yes! You mean the conversation were you threatened me so I didn't let the whole school know you like to have sex with fourteen year old students? That one?" Mr Sykes startles looking around to make sure the hallway was still empty.  
"You see Sir, Mr Payne already knows about my little secret so I'm not really that worried about him finding out anymore." Niall gasps covering his mouth with his hand.  
"Oh my gosh, I guess you don't have anything else to threaten me with. I do hope I can keep my mouth shut. Huh I do like to gossip though, well shucks this is a bit of a dilemma for you." Niall spins back round on his heel walking away.   
"Wait." Mr Sykes grabs Niall's arm yanking him back harshly making Niall stumbles and fall into him, water bottle falling to the floor with a thud.  
"You listen here you little shit." He shoves Niall back until he is against the wall, the grip on his arm tightening.  
"Mason?" Both their head snap to the side to see Zayn slowly walking towards them.  
"What's going on?" He asks his face screwed up as he looked between them.  
"Yeah Mason what's going on?" Niall gives him a pleasant smile, quite enjoying the way he was squirming under Zayn's look. 

"Me and Mr Horan where just discussing how he was going to be catching up on some missed time. Nothing important." He lossens his grip on Niall so he took the chance to yank his arm back resisting the urge to rub at the sore spot. 

"You sure?" He directs the question at Niall who just nods bending down to pick his water back up.

"Gotta get to class or I will be really late." He walks away shaking his head. Just one day where somthing doesn't happen, that is all he is asking for. 

"Hey, wait up Ni." Niall keeps walking ignoring Zayn. He had promised Liam he would stop hanging out with Zayn and he was determined to see through that promise.

"Niall dude." Niall turns the corner to his science class and hopes that Zayn gives up on trying to talk to him. All he needs is Liam to suddenly appear and see them together. Niall had made to many mistakes lately and it has to stop.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Niall sighs and stops walking, hiking his bag up his shoulder more as he faces Zayn.

"Look I'm sorry but I just don't think we should hang out anymore." Zayn looks around him like he thought Niall could be talking to someone else.  
"What? Why?" Niall feels bad because Zayn is looking so confused and Niall does like him, he never thought he would but he does but if he can't spend time with him without hurting other people then it wouldn't work.   
"Its not healthy, this friendship and you must be able to see that? You bullied be Zayn, you taunted me and you hurt me and you used my own mums death against me. It was stupid of me to even think we could be friends without it being this really toxic mix. So I just want to put a stop to it now, and you will just have to accept that." Zayn face goes from stunned to angry and back to confused as Niall turns.

"Your boyfriend's a dick by the way."  
"He is not my boyfriend!" Niall shrugs raising his hands in the air.  
"Still a dickhead."   
"You're a dickhead." Niall laughs facing Zayn again.

"If cutting you out my life so I'm not popping pills every five seconds makes me a dickhead then I will happily be one." Zayn's face darkens as he closes the gap between them.

"Drugs? Thats what this is about, there is a lot more to me that drugs and you're the one the choose to take them you arsehole I don't force them on you." 

"Oh really. Because I said no at that party and you kept mentioning it, you push it Zayn and you make it sound like something I need and you mess with my head and I am done! I don't want to hurt people and risk everything I want just for a stupid pill that makes me feel good for a few hours. I can't even think of a time we hung out without being high." Zayn's shoulder slump, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. 

"I thought I was helping, if you really didn't want to then I wouldn't have. I mean at first yeah I was doing it on purpose, but then it was different and if you just told me you wanted to stop I wouldn't have even offered it anymore. You wanted it Niall, you never asked me to stop." And that is true. Niall knows he didn't actually asked Zayn to stop offering him thing's, that he purposefully didn't ask Zayn to stop because he wanted to let himself blame Zayn when he gave in, because that was better then excepting that he just really wanted to. 

"What's this really about?" 

"For Christ sake. Liam gave me one more chance ok! One more chance to not mess up and in order to not mess up I need you out of my life. I'm not risking anything happening if it means losing Liam. He knows about me and Harry so I need to do everything I possible can to make him forgive me and not hate me more then he already does so please just leave me alone." Zayn doesn't push it anymore and he doesn't go after Niall he just watches him as he walks the rest of the way to his class. 

Niall is not actually that surprised to find Liam's seat empty.

Xxxx

When Niall gets home he heads straight up to Harry's room to get undressed. He hadn't seen Liam at all or Macy so they where either really good at avoiding him or they have skipped together to talk about what a horrible freak Niall was.   
It made him feel like shit so all he wanted to do was get into some of Harry's clothes and revise. 

He kicked his trousers off, pulling a face at them as they landed in a heap. He never had to wear them again and was considering doing some kind of celebration that involved burning all school related clothes. 

He undone his tie, leaving it hanging around his neck as he unbuttoned his shirt. 

They had to dress smart for school tomorrow as they have this leavers assembly thing and there would be photos taken so at some point Niall would have to go through Liam's wardrobe for a nice shirt and hope he didn't mind if he saw him in it tomorrow. 

Hands grab hold on Nialls waist and lips press to the back of his neck. Niall let's out a girly squeal that he will never admit to, Harry laughing into his hair.

"Jesus Harry, I didn't even hear you come home." Niall goes to slip his tie off but Harry stops him.  
"Keep it on." Niall feels his face flush as Harry starts to walk them to the bed.  
"My shirt?"  
"That too." Harry pushes him down onto his back, crawling on top of him with a cheeky smile, dimples out in full force. Niall should probably be ashamed that he is already growing hard but he is not. 

"So I have this thing, and I have never told you before because it's kind of wierd I think. But I figured this is the last day I can actually let myself enjoy this and you love me right? And therefore you have to embrace my weird things." Niall chuckles running his hands up Harry thighs   
"Ok, what is this wierd thing? Please say it involves my dick." Harry looks down to Niall's bulge, rasing his eyebrow before giggling like a bloody kid. Jesus he swears Harry could kill him.

"Well my thing is.." he grabs both ends of Niall's tie and uses it to pull him up until their lips are almost touching.  
"I find you so ridiculously hot in your school uniform and if you don't let me put your trousers back on so I can suck your dick I will probably cry." Niall can't help but laugh loudly making Harry pout and drop him back to the bed.   
"Heyyyy, embrace my wierd kinks Niall!" Niall hides his face into his arm.  
"I'm sorry, I am embracing it i swear." He bucks his hips up so Harry rolls off him and jumps up of the bed so he can go grab his trousers again.   
"Look, fully embracing." He makes a show of putting his grey trousers back on, leaving the button and flies undone. 

Harry looks at him, biting on his bottom lip.  
"You look so hot." Niall looks down at himself.  
"Really? I look like hundreds of other high school kids." Harry shakes his head frantically sliding off the bed and onto his knees crawling towards Harry. Niall cock twitches at the sight of him like that, all wide eyed and plump lips parted as he eyes Niall with hunger. 

"No you don't. God Niall you don't even know. This is driving me crazy, with your shirt all unbuttoned so I can see your body, tie hanging here for my to pull on and trousers all undone ready for me to take you in my mouth. Perfect." He runs his hand over Niall stomach, face pressing into his crotch to mouth at his dick.  
"Can I blow you like this?" Niall swollows then nods hands already moving to wrap in Harry hair.  
"Thank you baby." Niall closes his eyes, taking deep steady breaths, seeing Harry look so desperate and bloody thanking him was enough to make him come. 

He pulls Niall out of his pants eagerly making Niall wonder how long Harry had been thinking about doing this.

He had always felt like such a child when Harry saw him in his uniform, he had no idea Harry had created this little fantasy around it. 

"Oh fuck." Harry takes his entire length into his mouth, his throat bobbing as he swollows him down.   
"Oh god, oh fuck, oh god." Harry looks up and his eyes are watering slightly already and it makes Niall's stomach twist because he doesn't slow down he just pulls back until Niall's tip is resting on his lips then he goes back down again. Niall moans loudly tugging on his hair as he keeps working his mouth up and down, tounge swirling around the tip then flattening as he deep throats him.   
"Close, already getting close so good love." Harry pulls off with a sinfully loud slurp, a string of spit hanging from his lip and connecting with Niall's cock. 

He is up like a shot and before Niall can catch up with what's going on he finds himself throw on the bed, hands yanked above his head as Harry ties him to the headboard.  
"Want you to fuck up into my mouth and come." Niall mutters a 'sweet Jesus' tugging his hands to check how tight the tie was, not tight enough to hurt but he wasn't getting out himself any time soon. 

Harry takes him back into his mouth and it takes Niall a while to get his body working. Harry humms tapping Niall's side, making Niall apologize then start to buck his hips up into Harry mouth. 

It felt so good, being able to set his own pace and use Harry's mouth to get off while Harry just took it, keeping his lips nice and tight for Niall.

Niall flung his head back mouth falling open in a silent moan when Harry starts rolling his balls in his hand, the coldness from his rings shooting right up his dick. 

When he finally managed to drag his head back to look at Harry he lets out whimper at the sight. Harry's lips puffy and wrapped around him, spit dribbling down his mouth making a mess of his trousers, he is sure Harry is doing that on purpose. 

He goes to grab his hair letting out a fustrating whine when his wrist pull back, the tie tightening a little around his wrists. 

"I wanna touch you." He yanks his hands again, his knees raising up his hips movement becoming a little more frantic as Harry started bobbing his head, sliding down as Nialls fucked up making him slam into the back of his throat harder. He make a choking noise that sends a vibration up Niall's back, another pool of spit running from his lips and down Niall's cock as he does it again. 

Niall can't work out if it's torture having his hands tied above his head so he can't touch or if it's making the whole thing so much better.

He can't seem to stop yanking on the tie though, and he enjoys the way it digs into his skin, reminding him that he is bound and can't use his hands. 

He looks up biting down hard on his lip when he sees the skin turning a little red.   
"Oh fuck yeah Harry, so good." He looks back down to Harry moaning out loud when he catches his eyes, wide and watering as he takes Niall in as far as he can. 

"I'm so close." Harry closes his eyes again, bringing his thumb up to Niall's hole. It's dry so it burns and drags a little but as soon as Harry pushes it past his rim he crys out and starts coming. Harry splutters and gags a little but manages to swollow it all keeping his mouth tight around Niall's cock until the last drop of come has spilled out and Niall flops back onto the bed, wrist dangling above his head. 

Harry crawls up his body breathing heavily as he pumped his hand up and down his cock, red and leaking.   
"Can I come on your face?" Niall grones, feet digging into the mattress as he nods lifting his head up slightly to make it easier for Harry to angle himself. 

"You look so good like this, all fucked out and tied up." Niall is mesmerized by the sight of Harry's hand working over his own cock, the wet sound of his precum sliding between his hand.   
"I'm gonna come." Niall closes his eyes just as Harry jolts and let out a drawn out groan, his come coating Niall's cheeks, lips and chin. Niall opens his mouth and manages to catch a little between his lips, his tounge darting out to lick up what it can reach taking in the sweet taste of Harry.   
"Jesus Ni." Harry makes quick work at untying him, having to lean forward and use his teeth because Niall had pulled enough to make the knot a little too tight. Not that Niall minds, he kind of liked the pain and this way he gets to kiss Harry's belly while he works on the knot. 

When he finally gets Niall free he places a kiss to each of his wrists before placing them on the pillow by his head. He climbs off Niall so he can hop off the bed and get a wet cloth from the bathroom to clean Niall's face up a little before getting back on the bed with him, curling up into his side.  
"Was that ok?" Niall chuckles looking down at his school trousers, damp with Harry's spit.  
"They was definitely OK, maybe we should keep the uniform." Harry giggles blushing a little.   
"Maybe. Thank you for letting me have my wierd little fantasy." Niall shrugs running a Hand through Harry's hair.  
"It's not wierd. I just make everything sexy." Harry swats at him but then has to agree really.   
"Oh man Harry I have to revise now but my brain is all fuzzy from your mouth, if I fail and go nowhere with my life I'm blaming you." Niall gets off the bed, slipping out of his uniform and walking over naked to Harry's wardrobe to find something comfy to wear. Harry lays on his stomach grinning at the sight of Niall's butt.  
"That's fine I will accept responsibility and then I will make you my house husband and sex slave. See you don't need an education and a job, just me." Niall tries not to blush and squeal at the word husband. Because that's a thing for way into the future and Harry is joking.  
Bloody hell Harry would make a good husband though.  
And Niall thinks he would make a pretty good sex slave.  
"Would I have to call you Daddy? Did I please you Daddy? Let me suck your cock Daddy, spank me Daddy I have been naughty!" Niall laughs but then Harry is throwing a pillow at his head and Niall forgets about getting dressed because a naked pillow fight is much better. 

Xxxxxx

They are curled up on the sofa, Niall with a science book on his lap and a soft frown on his face, Harry with his knees tucked up to his chin a cup of tea in his hand watching the news on the telly. 

It feel strange being just them two in the house but he is trying to not focus on that so his brain can actually take in what he is reading. Why does he even need science? He wants to write books not build space ships or whatever important stuff science people do. 

Harry tuts from next to him so Niall glances at the TV to see they are talking about melting iceberg's and all things global warning that Niall doesn't like to think about too much, it normally leads to him picturing his future children in some kind of disaster movie. 

"You want something to drink?" Niall shakes his head, pencil scratching across the page as he makes a note.   
"A snack?" Niall shakes his head again, using his pencil to itch his nose.  
"A cuddle?"  
"Busy."  
"A kiss?" Niall smiles then puckers his lips out, Harry eagerly leaning over to give him a quick little peck.   
"What you reading about?" Niall opens his mouth to answers, let out a puff of air then laughs.  
"I have no clue. I have no idea why I am predicted to get an A in science, I mostly just wing it and say something that sounds smart with some letters thrown in." Harry places his mug on the side before yanking the book out of Niall's hands so he can climb onto his lap, knees digging into the sofa either side of his waist.  
"Then take a break. Seeing you be all smart gets me a little hot so let's make out." Niall laughs against Harry's lips, hands running up his back.  
"A lot of things seem to get you hot, are you the teenager?" Harry grones, rubbing his nose across Niall's cheek.  
"Around you yes. You're really sexy." Niall rolls his eyes pushing Harry closer to him as the kiss deepened.  
Niall was just starting to chub up in his pants a little when Harry's phone started ring. He pulls away with a groan.  
"That will be Louis calling me back." He pecks Niall one more time before sliding off him to go talk in the kitchen. 

Niall picks his book back up and trys to focus on that instead of eavesdropping, but it's hard when he can hear the sad tone to Harry's voice. In the end he dumps his revision on the floor and gets up to join Harry.   
He is sat at the table, head in his hand as his listens to whatever Louis is saying. Niall sits across from him laying his hand palm side up in the middle of the table. Harry looks up giving him a sad smile before reaching over to take it.   
"What about the leavers assembly tomorrow, does he want me there?" His shoulders slump his head falling back.  
"Just let him know I love him please, and I really want him home." Harry hangs up dropping the phone to the table with a clatter.  
"What did he say?"  
"Not much really, Liam is still being quite but he went to school."  
"I didn't see him, he wasn't in class." Harry sighs wrapping his other hand around Niall's his thumb rubbing in small circles.  
"Louis said he went to the headteacher, requested he get taken out of any classes he shares with you and got permission to spend breaks in the teacher lounge. He doesn't want me at the assembly tomorrow, which really sucks because that's my kid finishing high school." Niall get ups and rounds the table so he can slot himself on Harry's lap wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. 

"I'm sorry Harry, I'm so sorry he found out this way and I'm sorry for pushing this with you and not just leaving you alone." It really hurts knowing Liam had felt strong enough to actually be removed from any class he shared with Niall, it was only two days and Liam couldn't stand to sit in the same room with him for that time. But Harry missing out of Liam finishing high school after all the time he has put in to making sure Liam's school life was successful and all the excitement of him moving on to the next stage of his life is a lot worse then Niall missing out on a few lessons with his mate. 

"Nothing for you to be sorry about love. I could have been more sensible, I could have stopped us from doing anything in the house and I should have done. And don't even be sorry for this starting between us, I love you and will never regret this." Niall tucks himself into Harry more, he was glad Harry had no regrets over starting a relationship with him but he still felt guilty for what was happening now. 

"We haven't discussed what we are going to do if Liam wants this to stop?" Harry pulls away from Niall his grip on him loosening.  
"I don't want to think about that."  
"Well I think we have to Harry, want if he walks back in the door tomorrow and asks us to end this? I need to know what that means for me." Harry stands up, forcing Niall to get to his feet and perch against the table as Harry marches over to the side.   
"That might not even happen. Louis said he is thinking about things, trying to get his head around it all." And that's great, it really is good that Liam is letting himself think about the possibility of them staying together but surely there is a bigger chance he won't be able to do that. That he is going to give Harry no choice but to leave Niall.   
"Just in case, would I have to go back home? Would I be able to stay here but just not be with you? Will you and Liam even be in my life anymore? What's the plan?" Harry is gripping the side so tightly his knuckles are turning white his head bent down so all Niall can see his the slop of his back.   
"I haven't made a plan because I don't want to because I don't want you to move back home and I don't want you to stay here but not be able to kiss and touch you or tell you I love you. How the hell am I supposed to just decided what happens to you if I'm forced to let you go? I love you Niall, I'm fucking so in love with you it's ridiculous so Liam has to understand all this. He just has to." Niall crosses the room, closing the gap between then so he can wrap himself around Harry's back, pressing a kiss to his neck before resting his forehead on his shoulder. 

"Ok darlin', I'm sorry. I love you too and I'm sure it will work out, it's just going to be difficult for a bit but we knew that when we started this. We make each other happy and that might be enough for Liam. I didn't mean to upset you."   
Harry turns in Niall's arms, bending slightly so he can press their cheeks together.  
"It's just been so up and down lately and you're the only thing keeping me a little grounded. I don't want to give you up, I can't lose you." He kisses across to Niall's lips his hands cupping his face.  
"I'm not going to ever lose you, tell me that please." Niall grips tightly on the back of Harry top tugging the material outwards as his fist closes around it.  
"You're never going to lose me."   
"I don't want to spend a single day away from you." He moves them backwards until the kitchen table hits Naills back, his hand releasing it's hold on Harry's top to move up to the hair by his neck. 

The kiss is a little intense making Niall lean into Harry more as he feels like his feet are going to leave the ground.  
He tries to push away his thoughts that this feels like Harry is kissing him for the last time and instead let's himself enjoy the pressure of his lips against his own, takes in the taste of his tounge when Harry swipes it along his bottom lip, sometimes pushing it past his lips just a little. Harry's hands move all over him, from his face then down across his shoulders to his back then to his bum before slowly going back up again just to repeat the same journey again leaving Niall with a constant trail of goosebumps over his skin. 

Nialls hands drop from Harry's hair to slide into the waistband of his trousers, running across the soft skin there and digging into the slight podge that Niall likes to tease him for, telling him it's his age showing when actually he loves the softness of it and loves grabbing and biting at it. 

He pushes down further when he is happy he has groped at it enough, flattening his hands over Harry's cheeks giving them a little squeeze before slotting a finger between his cheeks to ever so slightly run over his hole. Harry breaths out of his nose, tickling across Niall's face as he pushes a little harder. Harry gasps, breaking the kiss to buck his hips forward his chin nearly slamming into Niall's forehead.

Niall has actually never fingered Harry before, and apart from eating him out a couple of times Niall doesn't actually know if Harry likes things up his butt. Maybe that's something he should have asked before trying to shove his finger in there.

"Sorry, I got carried away." Niall moves his hands, desperately hoping he didn't ruin the moment and Harry will go right back to kissing him.   
"It's ok, just.." He grabs Niall's wrist bringing his hand round to his front and up to his mouth taking his three fingers in and wetting them up. Niall watches with wide eyes his cock getting incredibly hard as Harry mouths and licks at his fingers.  
"Get them wet first." He moves Niall's hands back to the back of his trousers pushing them inside for him.  
"What really?" Harry nods arching his bum out like he just wants Niall to get on with it already.   
"You like that?" Harry moans brushing his nose against Niall's.  
"I love it. Please." He kisses Niall again hands grabbing at his waist as Niall slowly moves his finger to his hole again, feeling a lot nervous about hurting him as he pushing the first finger past his rim. Harry gasps into Niall mouth then starts kissing him harder as Niall pumps his finger.   
It's a lot softer then Niall imagined, warm and velvety and wet around his finger and he can feel Harry clenching around him everytime he slides his finger back into him, a little deeper each time.

He adds a second finger when Harry starts to whine and pant against his mouth his fingers digging into Niall's waist hard enough that Niall could wake up tomorrow with little bruises. 

Harry shifts his hips, parting his legs a little making Niall's fingers change position and slip deeper. Nialls eyes widen when he feels the tip of his fingers brush against Harry prostate, Harry crying out then biting down on Niall's lip. 

Niall keeps his wrist in the same position then goes for it again, a little harder this time making Harry moan and fall into him a little.  
"Shit baby." Harry sounds so wreaked already sending a dripple of precum down Niall's cock dampening his trousers and makes his eyes roll.

It gives Niall such a high to make Harry feel this good and it's the kind of high he can't get from anything else. Pleasing Harry is the most addictive thing Niall could ever do.   
"You feel so good, so tight and warm around my fingers." He speaks with his lips pressed to Harry air, biting on the lob a little making Harry breath stutters.   
"Bet you would take my cock so well." Harry makes a desparete noise, nodding and gripping at Niall.  
"I would. Would be so good for you." He kisses Niall's shoulder, leaving a damp patch on his top.  
"You can if you want. Take me to bed and fuck me." Niall pauses earning a grunt and a small bite from Harry. He pulls back until he can see his face, all flushed red and dazed eyes and wild hair.   
"You would let me do that?" Harry tries to kiss Niall again, who keeps moving back so he can still see Harry.  
"Yes, yes I would. That or just keep going with this." He uses his hand to try and get Niall moving again, pushing and grinding against him.   
"Anything, just want you to take care of me." Niall is completely memorised by Harry like this, he has never seen Harry so under his control before so ready to hand over all the control to him. Niall thinks he needs this though, needs Niall to take over and make him feel wanted and safe and needed.

He is scared what could happen between them, scared that Liam could put an end to them for good. This is what he needs and Niall can give that to him. He trust Niall enough to do this with him and it blows his mind. 

"Ok, shit ok let's go upstairs." Harry hisses as Niall removes his fingers but is quick to take his hand and lead him upstairs, looking a little off balance as he takes Niall up the stairs looking over his shoulders with such a spaced out look. 

"You sure about this Harry?" Harry nods stopping just by the bed to kiss Niall.  
"Yeah, if you want to." Niall swollows his nerves removing Harry's top before doing his own.   
"You still haven't told me about all these." He whispers while placing small kisses over Harry's many tattoos littered over his chest.  
"I will. I'll tell you everything." Nialls breath shakes as he removes their trousers watching Harry as he gets a bottle of lube out of his draw.  
"I'm happy for no condom are you?" Niall has to bite back the 'holy shit' that wants to leave his mouth at the thought of being inside Harry bare. He never thought he would get to fuck Harry, now he was about to and he was going to feel all of him.  
"Sure. That's good with me." Harry grins moving over to lay on the bed.  
"You want to open me up?" He pops the cap off the lube the sound echoing in Niall's ears, and he can't believe how calm Harry looks when Niall feels like he is about to explode with it all.   
"Umm, could you? I don't really know...I don't want to hurt you." Harry smiles softly, motioning for Niall to come join him on the bed.  
"That's fine baby, kiss me while I do it yeah." Niall climbs onto the bed, laying on his side next to Harry as he draws his legs up and pours some lube onto his fingers.   
"And don't worrying about hurting me, I will help you." He kisses Harry but it's sloppy because Niall can't focus knowing Harry has his fingers inside himself and Harry is moaning into the kiss, mouth occasionally parting to let out puffs of breath and it's one of the hottest moments ever knowing Harry was getting himself ready for Niall.   
"I'm all good, want to get yourself ready." Niall sits back up on his knees, letting himself look down where Harry has three fingers lazily pumping into himself with his cock laying hard against his stomach, the sight almost enough to make him come and end this before it's even started. 

His hands are shaking when he picks the lube up, applying some to his cock before spreading it.   
"Do you need more?" Harry shakes his head, face scrunching up as he removes his fingers.  
"You ok?" Harry questions shuffling about until his legs are either side of Niall.   
"Yeah, you?" Harry takes hold of Niall's waist drawing him a little closer.  
"Perfect. Just go slow to start with." Niall adjusted himself so he is laying over Harry, one hand next to his head while the other grips onto his cock and holds it to Harry's hole.  
Harry reaches up to tangle their fingers together parting his legs a little more.

Niall still can't believe Harry is letting him do this, that he is trusting Niall to make this feel good.

He pushes his tip in, gasping at the feel of Harry squeezing tightly around him.   
"That's it baby." Niall can't take his eyes of Harry as he slowly eases inside him, stopping every now and then to let Harry adjust, waiting for him to squeeze his fingers to let him know he can go again.

The feeling is undescribable, Niall bare and inside Harry. He wonders if he feels like this. If he is this tight and soft around Harry. 

Harry reacts so well to him too, back arching and body twisting on the bed as Niall sets a steady pace, arms shaking and moans tumbling from his lips with how good the drag feels. 

He is inside Harry, he is actually inside Harry and making Harry feel good. 

"So good, feel so good you can go faster if you like." Niall grabs the back of Harry's knees, hoisting his legs up a little because that's a position he loves himself so figured it might work for Harry too.   
Once Harry is settled again, one leg over Niall's shoulder and the other raised up as comfortable as Harry can keep it he starts to rock quicker into him.  
"Oh God yes." Nialls head drops down to Harry's, already wet with sweat around his hair.   
"Harder, harder please, feel so full." Niall grabs at the headboard, leaning forward until Harry is practically folded in half snapping his hips forward harder into him.  
"Oh fuck, oh fuck just like that, Shit Niall oh god." Harry's hand slam flat just below Niall's using the headboard for leverage as he rocks with Niall.   
Niall cries out, sweat running from his hairline and down his neck.   
Harry is a mess underneath him, hips now moving quickly with Niall making the mattess squeak a little with the movement. He really didn't expect Harry to enjoy being fucked quite this much. 

His movements start to get a little sloppy and he can't work out if it's because he is close or because he is getting worn out. Whatever the reason is Harry obviously gets fed up with the pace slowing down as he lets out a fustrated grunt, removing his legs from Niall's shoulder so he can flip him onto his back. Niall slips out of him and let's out an 'oof' as he lands on his back. Harry is quick to climb over him, a cheeky smile on his face as he grabs Niall cock and lines himself up, slowly lowering himself down Niall.

Niall brings his knees up to support Harry's back, his eyes fluttering shut as Harry starts to ride him.  
"Look at me." Niall forces his eyes open, his lips parting and his hips bucking up when he sees how good Harry looks riding him, his hips rolling.  
"Want you to see what your cock does to me." Niall curses followed by a moan trying his hardest to keep his eye open and on Harry. It's hard though and he can hardly control his body. He has to keep snapping his eyes back open and his hands are all over the place. He can't decide if he wants them in Harry's hair or on his face, wrapped around his arms or maybe on his back so he can feel his muscles working, or just above his arse so he can feel as he rocks onto him. 

"I'm close, gonna come just from your cock." Niall finally settled on grabbing Harry arse, digging his heels into the bed so he can fuck up as Harry fucks down making Harry's body jolt and these cute little fucked out moans leave his lips that go straight to Niall's cock bringing him closer and closer to his own climax.   
Harry let's out a draw out 'baby' then is coming across Niall's stomach and chest his arse clenching tightly around Niall as he spills inside Harry.  
"Fuck." Harry slows down, working Niall through his high, stopping when Niall goes boneless against the bed.   
"Fuck." Niall says again making Harry giggle and blush.   
"You liked that?" Harry asks as he gently rises up off Niall.  
"Fuck." Harry falls down next to Niall, grimacing a little as Niall's come drips from him.   
"Are you broken?" Niall turns his head to face Harry, his breath moving Niall's hair from his face and cooling his hot head a little. Harry looks blissed out, eyes half closed and plump lips parted as he catches his breath his chest red and heaving. Niall figures he must look about the same and feels like he will never catch his breath again.  
Being inside Harry is something he will never get over, and something he definitely would like to do again. He finds it kind of sexy that it's something they could possible share.   
Harry runs his hand over Niall's stomach, gathering his own come up with his fingers then bringing it to his mouth to lick them clean.  
"Hmm I taste good." Niall blinks then turn away from Harry to look up at the ceiling.  
"Fucking hell." Harry styles was going to be the death of him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Oh dear god, no joke i hate this part and had to really force it out which made it worse and it feels a little rushed so sorry for that. I am super excited for the next two Chapter's but big warning YOU ARE GOING TO HATE ME! the next chapter is going to make you want to punch me in the face. Its always been a part of the plan though so its going to happen guys sorry. Can't wait because i am evil. Once again sorry for this terrible Chapter, have a cookie and forgive me.

"How do I know if an orange is good? Do I like squeeze it or sniff it?" Harry watches as Louis holds two oranges to his chest and squeezes before lifting then up to smell.   
"It just smells like an orange. What do you think?" He throws one towards Harry who only just manages to catch it.   
"Lou an orange is an orange. Why have you dragged me to Tesco to watch you smell fruit?" Louis snatches the orange back throwing it into the trolley before walking off.

"If you must know I am cooking for Cassie. She got someone to cover at the pub and everything, I'm guessing you want to dance around and celebrate right now?" Normally Harry would but he is feeling far to glum about missing Liam's leavers assembly to even be excited about this.   
"That's really great Lou. What about Liam?"   
"I'm cooking for him too but he said he will take it into his room. I promise I will not have sex while he is in my flat." So definitely no plans for Liam to come home today then.   
"I'm thinking it's your first date so there should be no sex anyway. It's nice that you are cooking for her though, you sure you're you for it?"   
"Yes I am sure cheeky, I have been living on my own for a few years Hazza I can cook a meal." Louis crouches down to examine some spinach a look of complete concentration on his face. He has lived on his one for a long time, while Harry was happily married and then with Liam, Louis was always just Louis. He hopes this goes well for him and maybe he won't be the one on his own all the time.

Or maybe Liam will never come him and Niall will leave and it will be Harry who lives alone.   
"You are doing that face where you're thinking sad stuff."  
"How can you tell? Your face is stuffed into spinach." Louis drops the spinach and stands back up.  
"That's spinach? So not what I was supposed to be sniffing. Listen mate Liam will come home soon, he has started talking a little more and asking me stuff about you guys so that's a good sign right? He doesn't seem quite as disgusted when he talks about it either. Although if he saw the way you are walking today he might want to vomit." Louis walks off with a smirk leaving Harry to spin in a circle his hands on his bum hoping that nobody had noticed.  
"Lou...Louis...you can't actually tell right?" Louis laughs loudly his head falling backwards as he clutched into the trolley for balance.  
"Oh man, you let him fuck you and its so obvious. Little Nialler knows how to pound man."   
"Oh my god Lou." He slaps his hand over Louis mouth.

"Harry?" Harry yelps spinning around.  
"Hey Bobby! Bobby is here Louis! Hi Bobby." Louis mutters a quite 'more chill dude' before planting a smile on his face.  
"Hey Mr Horan, how are you doing?" Louis holds his hand out to shake Bobby's hand like the polite little shit he is.  
"Good Louis. I'm glad I bumped into you actually Harry. How's Niall been?" Harry has to bite down on his tongue to stop himself from snapping. If he wanted to know how his son was he could have found out for himself.   
"Fine." Bobby looks put out by Harry's one worded answer, obviously expecting a full blown report on Niall.   
"Has he been keeping up with his school work?"  
"Oh yes Mr Horan, Harry has seen to that. Got him working real hard don't ya Harry, pounding away all day and all night. Right Harry? Pounding the books." Harry turns to Louis smiling with his teeth gritted   
"Yes thanks Lou, why don't you do finish your shopping while I chat to Bobby." Louis shrugs waves bye to Bobby then walks off with his shopping list and trolley.

"Why haven't you been to see him Bob? Or at least called or texted?" Bobby shoulders slump, the basket clutched in his hands knock against his knees as he moves to the side of the aisle a little. Harry has to admit that he does look better then the morning he saw him in the pub, so maybe what Lisa said was true and Bobby was sorting himself out for Niall. Surely part of getting better for Niall would be actually seeing and talking to him though. Harry has his doubts that Niall would want to move back home but he must want to leave on good terms with him.

"He has been so angry with me since his mother died. And I know I handled things wrong from the start. I didn't give him time to get his head around things before shoving funereal plans in his face, I didn't take time to understand how hurt he was when his brother left and I worked and drank and hardly thought about how he was doing at home alone. I thought maybe it was best to leave him be until that anger started to go away." Harry wants to grab his shoulders and shake him. Niall's anger didn't start to go away, he just shoved drugs into his bodies to not feel it. Everything that Niall has been through could have been stopped by this man just acting like a dad.

"Well, whatever you think is best. Best let him focus in his exams anyway." Bobby nods looking around before focusing back on Harry.  
"Has he been happier? At yours. I suppose he is rather enjoying all the time with Liam."   
"He is getting there, mostly I think he is just excited to leave." I'm in love with your son. I love him and if you treated him better my love for him might have made him want to stay. Harry starts backing away from Bobby a smile on his face as he forces his face to stay bright and happy  
"I have to go, good to see you doing so well." Harry turns and walks away before Bobby even has a chance to say goodbye.

He finds Louis down the meat aisle looking baffled by the different range of chicken.   
"You OK?" Harry shakes his head grabbing the pack of chicken Louis has in his hands and replacing it with another.   
"What did he say?"   
"Nothing bad. I just..." Harry groans resting his forehead on Louis shoulder.  
"Mate?" Louis hand rubs up and down Harry's back to sooth him.  
"I just don't want him to go Lou. I think about it all the time but sometimes it just really slaps me in face. He is leaving and he is young and this is not going to work out." Louis holds him a little tighter kissing the top of his head.  
"Do you want to buy stuff to make a cake? You can come to mine and moan about me not having good enough baking equipment but somehow manage to have five different varieties of lube." Harry laughs pulling away to look at Louis.  
"It's really weird that you have so much lube Lou." Louis shrugs placing his chicken into the trolley.  
"I am a single bloke H, it's not the weird. Can you make me that red velvet thing you do?"   
"Yeah of course."

Harry is loading up with ingredients when Louis takes his hand.  
"I think it will last. You and Niall. The way he looks at you, and they way you look at him is just....I can't really describe it but whatever this is it's massive. You will get through this Liam thing and you will get through him going away because you are both really strong together. It's going to be alright, you love each other a lot."  
"Thanks Lou, that's so sweet." Louis grabs the trolley starting to walk.  
"We're going to slag off Bobby while eating cake right?"  
"Oh yeah, most definitely."

Xxxxxx

There are too many students and parents crammed into the hall for the leavers assembly and Niall feels like he will pass out if he can't take off his white shirt soon.

He looks around at all the faces, flapping the collar of his shirt about in an attempt to get some air down there. He hasn't been able to spot Liam at all, which does not mean he is not in here it just means he is hidden by someone. Liam would never miss this just to avoid Niall.

He can see Zayn a couple of rows behind him and he manages to look so ridiculous good in his smart shirt with a perfectly practiced bored look on his face that Niall is not even ashamed to think about slowly unbuttoning him.   
He is pretty sure the boy to Zayn's right is having some pretty similar thoughts.

He spots Louis too, who is not trying in the slightest to hide that he is looking at his phone. Liam must have asked him to come so he most defiantly is here.

Niall huffs turning back to the front as the head teacher drones on and on about what a pleasure it was to have them be apart of the school and bright futures ahead of them.

The awards are next and Niall has to get up and shimmy past a load of people to go accept his award for most promising future. On his way back to his seat Louis let's out a catcall then throws him the Westside sign, Niall can't decide if he hates him or loves him for it.   
He catches Zayn's eye just before he sits down and gets a rather exaggerated eye roll.

Liam's name is called out for friendliest student and Niall watches with his breath held as Liam appears from the back of the room to go accept his certificate. He looks the same and Niall is not sure why he was expecting him to look any different. It had only been a couple of days but had felt like a lot longer.   
He tries to make eye contact with him as he walks back but Liam keeps his head turned away as he passes.   
Louis let's out another catcall.

Zayn is called up for most improved student, his small group of friends standing up and cheering as he shuffles up to the stage to collect his award, Niall doesn't miss the twitch of his lips as he is walking back to his seat. He can't help but feel a little bit proud of him too.

Macy is next with an outstanding contribution to different charity causes. Liam stands up as she walks the stage, so Niall does that same clapping loudly as she shakes hands with the head. He meets Liam's eyes then doesn't look away until he does.

When he sits down again he looks back at Louis who sends him a wink before looking back down to his phone, hopefully sending Harry updates.   
A few more people are called up who Niall holds no interest in then they are all excused.

Niall pushes his was through the cheering crowd not really as keen to get caught up in the celebrations as he thought he would be. He just wants to empty his locker out and get back to Harry and make sure he was holding up alright. 

He opened his locker that had always smelt a little but like sweat and felt a little pang of sadness that this would be the last time he used it. Some other poor kid was about to spend their high school life wondering what the smell actually was. He took his back pack out and shoves the last of his things inside it, reaching right to the back to scoop out all the random little things that had fell out of his bag but not interested him enough to pick back up again. He was examining what looked like a broken piece of a Lego man when Liam spoke from next to him.

"Would you forgive me?" Niall yelps in surprise managing to slam his temple into his locker door as he straightened up.

"Ouch." He clutched his head, slamming the door shut so he could see Liam. "What?" Liam sighed, walking over to his own locker that was a few doors down from Niall's.

"If I asked him to leave you would you forgive me?" That was not actually something Niall had thought about before. He had always worried if Liam would forgive him, never about how he would feel towards Liam if he ended things between him and Harry. Would he be able to forgive him for that?

"Would you want me to?" Liam started filling his bag up, keeping his eyes away from Niall.

"I don't know. Actually yes I would, I want you to be able to forgive me and not hate me if i put a stop to this- whatever it is." Niall steps forward his hands clenching around his bag strap. He was beyond nervous, he knew Liam speaking to him right now was a massive thing and if he messed this up then that would be it for him and Harry. Harry would know exactly what to say.

"It's a relationship, we are boyfriends." Liam flinches, closing his locker door. "He makes me really happy Liam, and I think I make him really happy too. We never wanted to hurt you because we both love you so much." Niall can feel himself tearing up so he takes a deep breath to steady himself. "I didn't mean to fall in love with him, it was just going to be this thing and then I was going to leave and never think of it again, but I did. I understand that it must be really hard for you, me and your dad being together but you love us too right? And you want us to be happy?" Liam closes his eyes shaking his head.

"Of course I want you both to be happy, but not like this. You both lied to me and kept this from me. You kept this massive thing from me, this thing that we are supposed to share. We don't have secrets, me and you. You have been living this...life that I don't know about. You take drugs and you don't talk to me or tell me about it, you hide it. You fall for my dad and you don't tell me. Your having sex and you don't tell me. I have told you everything." 

"How was I suppose to tell you? If it was anyone else then I would have but it was Harry so how was I supposed to just come out and say 'hey Liam guess what I kissed your dad'." Liam wipes at his eyes, sitting down on one of the benches. 

"Maybe you should have. Maybe as soon as you felt something towards him you should have came to me and talked to me about it. I would have still hated it but it would have been better then this, knowing that the two most important people in my life have lied to me, and were probably going to keep on lying." Niall drops to his knees in front of Liam grabbing at his hands and holding them tightly, relieved when Liam does not yank them away.

"We are so sorry. I wish I could change it all but we thought we were doing the right thing. We both just wanted to protect you." He drops his head onto Liam's lap.

"Please Liam. Please don't make me leave. I love him, I really do love him." Liam slips his hands from Niall to grab his face and lift it back up.

"You have one chance." His chin wobbles and he wipes at his face again letting out a deep breath. "And I mean it this time, one chance to get this right. No messing around with drugs, you do one thing to hurt or upset him then I want you to go." Niall straightens up, his heart leaping into his throat.

"Yeah, yeah I promise. I would never hurt him." 

"Ok, good. Right. Lets go home then." Niall stares dumbly as Liam gets up throwing his bag over his shoulder. Is that really it? Liam was fine with them being together? Liam holds his hand out for Niall to take. 

"Up you get then I still have to talk to Dad." Niall takes his hand getting back to his feet.

"Thank you." He pulls Liam into a hug, his face squashing into his neck. He and Harry could actually be together like a normal couple now, no more hiding and no more worrying about having to break up. It felt almost to perfect. 

xxxxxxx

"So i'm thinking you should just act like normal, not like normal how you would normally act around me but how you would normally act as a couple. That way I think I can get my head around this a bit quicker. Just go in there and kiss him so its like ripping the band aid off." Niall chuckles following Liam up the garden path.

"You sure? Because we wont mind keeping our distance around you. This can all be on your terms." Liam shakes his head, looking a little pale as he glances at Niall over his shoulder.

"I'm sure. Just do the kiss and see how that is." Niall shrugs, if Liam was insisting on Niall kissing Harry he was not going to argue it, after all getting to kiss Harry whenever he liked and not worrying about where Liam was is something he had always wanted.

When they both walk in and kicked their shoes off Harry could be heard clattering around the kitchen. Liam looks a little hesitate so Niall walks ahead of him calling out Harry's name.

"Hey love!" Harry walks out of the kitchen smiling when he saw Niall.

"How was your last day? I heard about you and Liam getting a certi..." Niall grabs his face and cuts him off by pulling him into a kiss. Harry giggles then wraps his arms around Niall, lifting him off his feet a little as he kisses him back. Niall stops it before it gets to heated and takes a step back.

"Well, missed you too." Niall snorts then moves to the side as Liam steps out. 

"Hey dad." Harry face goes blank for a second then he pushes past Niall a smile taking up half his face as he crashes into Liam.   
"Liam, oh god I'm so sorry." Harry voice shakes then he lets out a sob burying his face into Liam's curls. Niall smiles as Liam's arms snake around Harry waist then he backs away to give them some privacy. 

 

Xxxxxx

It's not that late when Niall climbs into Liam's bed, but for some reason he feels exhausted.  
He jiggles around until he is comfortable then slings his arm over Liam, pushing his feet through his legs to keep them warm.

Harry and Liam had spent ages talking together and eventually Niall joined so they could discuss everything with Liam together.

It was a result that Niall had not really expected to be honest. Liam was not exactly ever going to be their biggest fan but he had accepted them, they had his approval and now they could finally be a couple that didn't have to hide.

They just had to tell Niall's dad at some point.

"You don't have to sleep in here you know. You can go sleep in dad's room." Niall presses a kiss to Liam's shoulder.  
"I've missed you, this is where I want to be. Bros before hoes." Liam laughs, kicking out at Niall's leg, before flipping around so he is facing Niall, noses nearly touching.  
"I'm sorry for slapping you."   
"It was deserved."

They settle down to sleep after that, the faint sound of Harry downstairs drifting around the room, reminding Niall of what it had always been like falling asleep in this house.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There seems to be a lot of dialogue in this, I hope that's not annoying.   
> Also I AM SO SORRY. This chapter is actually how this started for me and I had to then  plan a whole story around it. Sorry.

Niall startles awake at 3am after another too realistic dream about his mum, then struggles to drift back to sleep so slides out from Liam's arms to go take a piss and get into bed with Harry.

Harry's eyes flutter as Niall pulls the blanket back, his arms reaching out and pulling Niall flush to him.   
Niall kisses his chest, spreading his hands over the warm skin already feeling himself calm down.   
"You ok?" Harry croaks out, smacking his lips together. Niall smiles only just making out Harry's face in the the darkness, all puffy from sleep and surrounded by crazy hair.   
"I am now. Sorry for waking you." Harry makes a sleepy noise, his hand running across Niall's back before slipping down to rest just above his bum.   
"Like you waking me. So pretty." Niall shakes his head, his smile growing as he tucks his face into Harry's chest.   
"You haven't even opened your eyes."   
"Don't need to, just know you're pretty." Tears spring to Niall's eyes and he is not really sure why. Harry's thumb is running circles in his lower back, the movement getting slower and slower and he starts to drift back to sleep. In a way Niall feels like he only just got Harry. Now that they can be open with their relationship it feels more real. Suddenly leaving seems like too much.   
"Harry?" Niall lips drag across Harry's chest as he speaks and he tastes a little bit like salt from where he has gotten a little sweaty in his sleep.   
"Hmm?" He can tell Harry is barely awake so he waits a while, counting to ten in his head as Harry's breath evens out and his hand drops from his back.   
"I don't want to go."

Xxxx

He doesn't fall asleep after that, instead he gets out of bed marches across to Liam's room and yanks his suitcase out. He then spends god knows how long looking down at it chewing all his finger nails down. The sun is rising by the time he pushes it back into Liam's wardrobe and he goes back to Harry.   
"Harry, Harry. Harry!" Harry jumps awake with a snort eyes going wide.  
"Huh" Niall flings his leg over Harry so he is straddling his waist, Harry still looking like a confused little bunny.  
"You like me waking you up because I'm pretty?" Harry rubs at his eyes leaning up on his elbows.   
"Everything you do is pretty." His voice still sounds so heavy from sleep. It's a sound Niall loves. He loves falling asleep with Harry, hearing his last words of the day slurred out. He loves waking up with Harry, watching his eyes flutter open and hearing his first word's with his raspy sleepy voice.   
He gets them. He gets Harry last and first words everyday.   
"I'm not going." Harry frowns, his lips pouting out.  
"Going where? It's like super early still right?" He looks at the clock. "It's like 5am, where were you going?" Niall laughs pushing his fingers into the mess of Harry's hair.  
"No silly boy, I'm not going traveling. I can't, I can't leave you for that long Harry. I'm not going to go." Harry sits up hands grabbing at Niall any trace of sleep leaving his face.  
"Are you serious? What, are you sure? Travelling has always been your dream, and your mum's."   
"I know, and it was. It was perfect for me to just get away and do all this crazy exciting stuff. But now I have you and I'm not going to enjoy a single second of it if I'm not with you. Phone calls, texting, videos and letters won't be enough. I wanted adventure and I'm going to get that right here with you." 

"Oh my god." Harry lifts him up a little so he can kick the blanket away, placing him back down on his lap.  
"You really mean this don't you? You're going to stay." Niall nods laughing at the look on Harry's face.  
"Baby, your sure about this? I don't want you to like start resenting me, don't do this just for me." Niall leans down to kiss him, teeth clattering a little as they grin.  
"I am sure, I promise. I don't want to go anymore. And I'm doing it for both of us. I want us to be together, now that Liam knows I feel like we can move forward you know? Going away for so long seems like such a waste of time for us. Does that make sense?" 

"Yeah, yes so much sense. I'm going to make love to you now." Niall giggles, gripping on to Harry's shoulders as he lays him down onto his back. 

"I can't believe you are staying." Niall kisses his nose, making Harry face scrunch up his nose crinkling and his dimples popping. Niall sighs poking a finger into his cheek.  
"I can't believe how much I love you." 

Xxxx

Harry brings them both a mug of tea, sitting down on the sofa next to Niall, holding the mugs up as Niall places his feet into his lap.  
"Thanks." Niall takes his tea from Harry cradling it to his chest.   
"So I was thinking, and you can totally say no and I won't get angry or upset or whatever." Harry blows on his drink, eyebrow raising.   
"Are you going to ask for a threesome? I'm not sure if I can do that. Who would we do it with? Like someone new? It can't be Louis because I don't want to see his bum." Niall rolls his eyes, flicking Harry's leg.  
"No you idiot. I was going to say that I already have my ticket for New York and that maybe we could look into getting you a ticket and we could go together."  
"I am so up for that." Harry replies with no hesitation whatsoever.   
"Ok great I was also thinking right, that I now have all this money just sitting there that I was going to be using for tickets and hotels and food so would you be into the idea of us using the next year to go on a few more holidays? Like pick the top places we want to visit and just go for like a week or a couple of days? That way I still get to do some of the stuff me and my mum talked about but I get to do them with you and also have time here doing the cool relationship stuff." 

"I think that sounds amazing actually, when did you think of all this?"   
"Last night, I couldn't get back to sleep." everything kind of fell into place last night while Niall was staring at his suitcase like a loon. If he went away he will spend the whole time missing what he feels and what he has when he is here with Harry, but he was also scared that he would one day look back and regret not taking this opportunity to experience the world.   
It makes so much sense to just experience what he can with Harry there with him. 

"Wow, so we are actually going to do this?" Niall nods taking a sip from his tea.  
"Yeah definitely."  
"We don't have to spend any time apart at all."   
"Never." 

Behind them Liam is sat on the stairs, face cradled in his hand a smile on his face. 

Xxxxxx

Niall stares down at the book on the table in front of him and realises he has been looking at the same page for twenty minutes. 

He was sat in the local library because revising at home involved to many distractions. Distractions being Harry doing yoga, who even needs to do yoga for that long and so close to another person?

Revising was working out to be hard here too though and his mind kept drifting back to Harry anyway. 

There where a few other kids from his school sat around him, all cramming in as much revision as they could and the group of girls sat to his left had obviously grown bored and had been gossiping at a high pitched level for the past ten minutes.

Niall now knew that Lucy Stratton had sex with Michel Davies. Rebecca Michel's stuffed tissue down her top and some boy name Damien was caught with his cousin in a very compromising position. He knew nothing about the stuff in his geography book. 

He wonders if Liam was having better luck at Macy's house. 

"Oh gross Zayn Malik is here." Niall looks over to were the girls are looking and see's Zayn stood by the shelf where all the revision books where kept. He turned back to his table taking a sip of his water before trying to focus back on his work, he didn't need to listen to gossip and he did not need to think about Zayn standing behind him. He needed to read about whatever it he is supposed to be reading about. Hurricanes or something.  Why the hell does he need to know this stuff?

"I get that he is like scum, but he is really good looking." Niall groans, rubbing at his face. He should have just stayed with Harry doing yoga, Harry's butt in his face may have actually been less distracting then this. 

Niall's phone beeps and the screen lights up with a text from Liam

Liam: What do you think about binning life and becoming rock stars 

Niall: Seems like a solid plan. 

Liam: My brain wont work how u getting on?

Niall: Same, i'm given up soon

liam: Where are you?

Niall: Library. 

Liam: I'm not cut out for rockstar, how do you feel about poppy boyband?

Niall: I'm ok with that. 

Niall pockets his phone and gets up to go use the toilet, maybe get a snack from the vending machine and try to recharge his brain. If he can't cope with GCSE's then he is going to suck at collage life. Thank god he has not got to worry about that this year. 

Once he has done his business he gets a energy bar from the machine, chomping away on it as he walks back to his table relived to find the group of girls have cleared out. Maybe now he can actually get some stuff done. 

He finally manages to read through one section off the book and keep some of the information stored away. Maybe he can make some flash cards up later and get Harry to test him. Maybe he can find a way to bring sex into this test, it would definitely help him remember. Or help him get a boner in the middle of an exam, either one. 

He snaps his book shut, taking another big sip of his water before heading back over to the shelf to see if they had the history book he needed. 

Zayn is still there, finger running across the spins of the books as he looks for the one he wants. Niall tries to ignore him but his eyes keep flicking over to him anyway. 

"How's it going?" Niall glances over to Zayn.  
"Huh?"  
"The revision, how's it going? Or am I not allowed to ask that." Zayn makes a 'ah' noise pulling out a book and clutching it to his chest as he turns to fully face Niall.  
"Oh, yeah you can ask. It's not to bad, hard to focus but yeah." Zayn nods in understanding, fingers drumming against the hard cover of the book.   
"Some people really struggle with focus don't they? Not me luckily, well good luck enjoy the rest of your day." Niall frowns as Zayn walks past him. That was really weird. 

Niall shakes his head deciding it's best to ignore the odd encounter and goes back to his own search. 

He finds the book he needs in the completly wrong area with the first ten pages ripped out. He really hates this library. 

Zayn had taken the place of the girls at the table next to Niall, his head bent down as he scribbles away on a piece of paper. Niall tries to ignore him but it's actually really quite annoying to see him working away while Niall takes about ten minutes to read one thing. 

"How do you stay focused?" Zayn's pauses, looking over at Niall.  
"What?"  
"How to you manage to stay so focused on what you're doing? This stuff is really boring it's impossible to not drift off. I'm the smart one, I have the most promising future and yet here I am not being able to read. Like what are words? Don't ask me because I can't read." Zayn laughs leaning to the side as he digs into his pocket.  
"How do you think I do it? The answer to all problems Ni." He throws the small baggy across to Niall's table. Niall watches it slide and come to a stop in front of him. He slams his hand over the bag frantically looking around.   
"Jesus, you can't just be throwing them around where anyone can see." Zayn rolls his eyes turning back to his work. 

"Whatever, nobody is playing attention to us so chill your arse. Unless king Liam installed a camera on your forehead." Niall tutted trying to pass the bag back but Zayn just batted his hand away.

"Keep them. They are my final gift to you, take them don't take them I don't care. Personally I suggest shoving them down Liam's neck so he lightens up a little."

"Stop being such a dick, Liam is just worried about me. It's not like he is wrong, clearly you are bad for me." Niall holds the bag up and waggles it about his eyes glued to the three pulls inside. 

"Yeah I'm terrible me, giving you what you ask for. Making you happy, showing you a good time. What a bad evil person I am. Naughty, naughty Zayn." Niall rolls his eyes sliding the bag into his pocket before someone did come along and see him with them. 

"Do they actually help though? Are they not like a party drug?" Zayn gets up and moves to sit at Niall's table.

"Well yeah, if you want to party they are good because they make it easier to let lose and enjoy the moment. But take them in an environment like this and they will chill you out so much, it's all easy peasy after that."  

Niall thinks of Harry at home in his ridiculous yoga pants grinning at Niall as he bends into impossible poses. He think off climbing into bed with him each night, he thinks of getting on a plane and sitting in a hot beautiful country. 

He thinks of the last time he took ecstasy, Harry looking so worn out and heartbroken. 

He is tempted, so tempted to just take one and see if it helps. And he does miss the high but it's not worth what he could lose. 

He ignores Zayn and goes back to his revision. So what if he reads the same sentence again and again, at least he will remember it. 

Xxxxxx

Half an hour later Zayn is still sat at the table with him. Neither of them have spoken a word to each other in this time, which does not seem to be bothering Zayn who is back to scribbling like a mad man. 

Niall can't stop fidgeting though, his fingers drumming on the table before moving to play with his hair then going back to drumming. His foot is tapping on the floor, the movement making the chair squeak, he has no idea how Zayn had not told him to stop yet. 

He can feel the bag burning a hole in his pocket and every now and then his hand will twitch in the direction of it. 

He bites down on his nail, turning the page so violently it actually rips a little. 

"Fuck it." He slides his chair back, his hands shaking as he pulls the bag out of his pocket and empties the pills onto the table. 

"Last fucking time, you don't come near me ever again after this." Zayn grins reaching across for one and popping it into his mouth.  
"Take two." Niall doesn't even question it he just scoops up the last two and throws them back, eyes clenching shut.

He still feels jittery and so impatient as he waits. He didn't realise he was craving it but god was he looking forward for his high. 

"Hey Ni." Niall opens his eyes to look across at Zayn.  
"Why don't we go sit outside in the gardens? Relax before we come back in and cram again." Niall nods and gets up to follow Zayn outside. The library garden is just a small courtyard with a load of flowers and benches for people who want to read out in the sun. 

It's empty today, which is not really surprising as there where only about two other people inside the library. Zayn leads them over to the centre and flops down onto the ground, surrounded by pink and yellow flowers. 

Niall lays down next to him closing his eyes against the sun, enjoying the feeling of it on his skin to much to go find a more shaded area. 

Zayn doest talk and it's nice to just shut his brain off and not think for a bit.

He was probably doing too much, he still had a couple of weeks before he had to sit his exams, but he was so worried that all the time he missed from school was going to come back and bite him on the arse.

Not that he thought going to school after his mum died was even a possible thing, he still could have missed something important. 

He worries to much.

"Feeling calmer?" Niall hums in reply, figures Zayn will know what he means. He does feel calmer and way to relaxed to talk. 

His body jolts and he lets out a small giggle when he feels Zayn's fingers ghost over his belly. 

"Man, your skin is literally the colour of milk. Is that a Irish thing?" 

"No, thats a I don't go out in the sun thing." Zayn laughs, flattening his hand out over Niall's stomach, pushing his top up a little.

"Hey." Niall slaps at his hand, misses and slaps his own side. "I don't want people to see my belly." 

"Oh shush, nobody can see us." Niall opens his eyes and looks down. His skin looks so pale under Zayn's hand, he looked like a porcelain doll or something. His eyes started to flutter close as Zayn ran his hand higher up his stomach then he snaps them open again when the tips of his fingers brush over his nipple's.  
"Zayn." Zayn shushes him again, dropping his head down until his lips are touching his skin, following the trail of his hands.  
"Z-Zayn." He gasps his head falling back, his hands flinging down to his side. Zayn's kissing around his nipple, his body now hoovering over Niall's and he has no idea why he is not pushing him away or telling him to stop. 

Zayn lowers himself and out of instinct Niall parts his legs for him fingers scrapping along the ground when their crotches touch. 

"We- we should not be doing this." It's like his brain and his body are no longer connected and it's the scariest thing he has ever experienced. He knows he should stop, that he should push him away and go home to Harry. His Harry. But his body is drawing Zayn closer and arching into his touch and it's enjoying it all. 

"We are just relaxing so we can concentrate more. No harm in that." His lips move to he neck and Niall let's out a moan that is far to loud for a public place his head falling to the side to give Zayn more room. 

He is getting hard his hips starting to grind under Zayn in an attempt to get some friction. 

He whines when Zayn's lips leave his neck, his head turning towards the entrance to the library. Niall presums he is checking for anyone coming out. 

"Hey Ni"  
"Yeah?" Niall sounds breathless and he hates himself because he just wants Zayn's lips back on him.   
"I lied."  
"Huh?" Zayn looks down at him, that sick little smirk on his face that makes Niall feel like cold water had been thrown over him.  
"I don't take ecstasy to focus. I take it to get fucked up because I like getting fucked up and I really like fucking you up." Before Niall can even take in what he is saying Zayn is pressing their lips together in a kiss that is too hard and feels so terribly wrong. 

He pulls away again smiling down at Niall.

"I also took your phone earlier to text liam to come meet you. He is standing right over there." Niall sits up, shoving Zayn away from him. 

Liam is stood by the entrance his mouth hanging open as he looks across at Niall.

"Why, why would you do that?" He tries to get up desperate to get to Liam and explain but Zayn is yanking him down again.  
"I done it because you deserve it. We are not friends anymore because you didn't want to be so that puts us right back to where we were before, and if I remember correctly I use to really love making your life hell. I think you can add Liam and Harry to the ever growing pile of people you have lost." He lets go of Niall laughing as he runs back into the library. 

He had to get to Liam before he tells Harry. He will understand, Liam will understand because he knows how evil and twisted Zayn can be.   
He has to understand and he has to not tell Harry. 

Niall doesn't catch up to Liam until he reaches the house. He had a stitch from running and his face is wet from crying because he knows that Liam is not going to keep this from Harry. 

"Liam please let me explain." Liam tries to slam the door close in his face but Niall manages to push it back open. 

"I don't want you to explain! I saw with my own eyes Naill! You and him where kissing."

"No, he kissed me I didn't kiss back. He tricked me and he planned for you to find us. He text you off my phone so he knew you would come and he just kissed me, I didn't kiss back I promise." 

"Then explain that!" Liam points at Niall's neck face red with anger. Niall reached up to run his finger over his neck feeling the sore spot. Zayn gave him a hickey. 

"No, no Liam you need to listen." Niall grabs at Liam's arms. "Just listen to what happened and you will see that it's all ok that I'm not in the wrong and you don't have to tell Harry because it's not bad it's not." Liam yanks his arm out of Niall's grip, backing away from him.

"You're high. You took something with him didn't you?" Niall covers his face with his hands, starting to pace across the room.

"Yes but you need to listen right. I was in the library and I was just finding it so hard to concentrate and then Zayn was there and he was going on about how he takes the pills to help focus and that's all I wanted I wanted to be able to focus. So I just took one, no that's a lie i took two because he told me to and we went outside to relax. It's the last time I swear and I told Zayn that I said you don't come near me again, I honestly did. And then he just starts like touching me." Nialls runs his hands over his stomach, eyes desperate as he looks at Liam, looks for any sign that this is going to be ok. But Liam's face is crumpled up and he is crying and Niall's hates that.  
"No you don't cry." He rushes forward wiping at Liam's face with his hands.   
"You don't cry because it's ok, I'm not going to do it again and I didn't want Zayn to touch and kiss me I honestly didn't. He just felt good at the time right, his hands and his lips. His lips on my neck just felt a little nice and I just wanted to relax. But I didn't want him to kiss me so I didn't kiss back. He set it all up anyway and if he had left me alone it would not have happened so you don't get to be upset or angry." Liam wraps his hands round Niall's wrist pulling his hands away from his face. 

"You had one more chance Niall."   
"Yeah but that wasn't it, because he planned it. That was not my last chance, it wasn't." Liam pushes Niall away from him.  
"You took drugs and you cheated." Niall sobs into his hands. He didn't cheat, he didn't because he never would. Zayn trapped him so it didn't count. He didn't cheat.  
Liam's voice echoed in Niall's head.  
Cheated. Cheated. Cheated. 

Zayn's touch and Zayn's lips.  
Cheated. 

Zayn making him hard and making him moan.  
Cheated.

Zayn leaving his mark on Niall.  
Cheated. 

"I can't lose him,please don't tell him Liam, he can't know about this."  

"Oh, he already knows." Nialls blood runs cold, his body swaying as he turns to where Harry is standing face already blotched red from crying.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to hide behind a big rock now.

Niall doesn't know what to do and he doesn't know what to say to make this all better, to make it all just go away.

He so badly wants to go back in time and not go to the library where he bumps into Zayn. He wants to go back to this morning when Harry was making love to him, when everything felt so perfect because he was staying and they where so happy. 

And now it's all messed up. Like really fucked up.  
Liam's crying and looking at Niall like he is the biggest piece of shit he has ever seen and Niall is crying and he has ruined everything but he doesn't know what to do because it's really bad and he is still high and he can't think.   
Harry is crying too, and Niall can hear it. The shake in Harry's breathing and small little whimpers every time he breaths out. 

He can't do anything to make this better. 

"Harry, just let me explain what happened. Please it's not as bad is sounds, you know I would never do that to you." 

"Liam I need you to go." Harry ignores Niall, looking over his shoulder to Liam.  
"You sure?" Harry nods wiping at his face with the back of his hand.

"Yeah, just go to Louis or Macy. Somewhere you can stay for a bit and I will call you when you can come back. It shouldn't be too long." Liam looks between Harry and Niall looking reluctant to go, but he eventually dose.

"I don't want him here when I get back, he needs to go Dad." Harry nods his eyes meeting Niall's as Liam leaves slamming the door shut behind him.

"Please don't make me go." Harry sniffs, shoulders heaving as he takes a few deep breaths trying to steady his crying. 

"You let him....his lips." He sobs turning away from Niall his head falling into his hand. 

Niall takes a few steps toward him. He wants so badly to reach out and pull Harry into him. It's his natural urge when seeing Harry so upset but he is the reason for Harry's tears so he can't comfort him.

"You let him kiss you, were I have kissed you. Were only I am supposed to kiss you. Oh my god." 

"It wasn't like that." Niall's voice is strained, his words coming out wobbly as he takes another step closer to him.   
"I was just confused and my head was.. is all messed up and he knew that. I wouldn't hurt you on purpose." Niall starts to shake, his hands juddering so much he has to clasp them together and clutch them to his chest.

"Because the drugs right?" Harry spins back around, arms wrapping around his waist and his face still turned away from Niall, like he can't stand to look at him.   
"What is it about them that is so much more important then the people who love you? How it is fair that we have to spend so much time scared for you and being lied to again and again about how it's the last time, while you're off having all this fun not giving a fuck about us." Niall shakes his head.  
"No," he sobs holding his hands out towards Harry. "They are not more important, you are the most important person to me and I don't mean to lie, I really don't. It's Zayn he gets into my head and makes it seem OK. Everything is because of him and I really will stop this time, I will because I love you and I want us to have a life together yeah, like we spoke about this morning." Harry laughs bitterly, slapping Niall's hands away when he finally reaches out to touch him.

"You cheated on me."  
"No I didn't. He took advantage and he planned it. It was not cheating."   
"Am I supposed to just believe that? Take the word of some addict."   
"I am not an addict!" Niall screams it at Harry, because that's the word he fears the most.

He is not addicted. He doesn't need it ever second of everyday and when Zayn is not dangling in his face it's easy to not be tempted at all. He has been scared about it getting to that point before, has let his mind drift to a dark place where he imagines what it would be like if he did take it that one to many times. Took it enough that his body then started to need it to simply function. 

Having Harry call him one was like one of his worst nightmares. 

"Well you are acting like one. Lying, disappearing for hours, hurting people and cheating." 

"I have not cheated!" 

"Yes you have!" Harry rounds on Niall one hand grabbing the back of his head and the other jabbing at his neck.   
"You let him kiss you, you let him mark you and you cheated! How do I even know this was not the first time? How do you even know?" Niall wiggles out of Harry's grip, anger flaring up in his chest and curling around in his stomach. 

"Is that really what you think? You think that I could do that to you?" Harry looks him in the eye, mouth twisted and nostrils flared.   
"I have no idea what your capable of Niall. Anything that Zayn wants you to be by the looks of it." Harry deflates, the sadness so clear on his face that Niall's heart cracks a little.  
"I can't trust you anymore." Niall steps back feeling like Harry had reached out to slap him.  
"You can." Harry shakes his head, bottom lip wobbling as more tears fall.   
"You need to leave. You can't be here anymore, this is over." Niall feels like the floor is crumbling beneath him. He stumbles grabbing onto the sofa behind him to keep himself upright.   
"No." He vision blurs and he has to blink to get it back to normal, doesn't realise until he feels wetness rolling down his neck that it's tears causing it.  
"No, I can't. I won't. I love you I can't leave." 

"That doesn't mean anything anymore. Not coming from you." Niall watches, shock making his mind fuzzy and his movements slow, or is that the drugs?

Harry strides past him towards the stairs.   
"I won't leave. You can't make me!" Harry takes the stairs two at a time Niall stumbling behind him. 

"Harry please, please don't do this. I can't go, you can't leave me." Niall is sobbing now, hands grabbing at Harry as he shoves Niall's stuff into his suitcase.   
"Please! We can work it out, talk through it and it will be alright again. I can stay here, I won't leave the house until my exams and then we can go to New York. Just you and me and it will be fine." Harry pushes Niall off him, sending him stumbling back into the wall. 

"It's to late for all that. Even if I wanted to do you really Liam would let us." Harry throws a screwed up jumper into the case before turning and slamming his hand into the wall next to Niall's head making him whimper and flinch away.

"It was perfect Niall! We had Liam's approval and it was going to be so bloody perfect and you ruined it! Liam wants you gone and so do I. I can't keep doing this." He bends down to zip up the suitcase dragging it out the room.

"But...I'm your boyfriend and you love me. I love you and you love me and that's all that matters." 

"Liam matters to, he wants you gone. The fact that you don't seem to think you done something wrong, that you think you are the victim in this and that we should all be listening to you and feeling sorry for you just proves that we can't talk about this and sort it out." Niall frantically looks around, like the answer on how to stop Harry from walking down the stairs with his suitcase and throwing him out of the house is going to be laying around somewhere.

He can't let Harry make him leave. He can't be without Harry. He has to make him give in and let him stay. There must be something he can do or say, anything.

"I will tell people you took advantage off me." Harry freezes at the top of the stairs, body going stiff. Niall hesitates, unsure of where they even came from and what he is thinking. It got Harry to stop though and that's what he wants.

Niall wipes the tears from his face, forcing his features into a way that he hopes makes him look more determined then he actually is.   
"I will say that I was upset over Ma, that you knew this and used it to get me to sleep with you. If you leave me then I will tell dad that." 

Harry slowly turns, eyes wide and face pale as he drops the suitcase by his feet.  
"What?" Niall nods his head, hands in fist by his side fingernails digging into his palms.   
"I will do it if I have to. But if you let me stay then we can work this out and carry on as normal." 

"Normal? You just threatened to tell people I'm some kind of...of rapist and you think we can go back to normal. What the hell has happened to you?" Harry steps forward his eyes turning dark, his face screwed up in anger. 

"I'm doing what I need to do to keep you."   
"And you think that will work?" Harry lunges forward grabbing Niall's wrist tightly in his hand, yanking him forward. Niall stumbles and cries out, his wrist twisting in Harry grip as he picks Niall's suitcase back up.   
He pulls Niall again forcing him down the stairs, the case slamming into his leg with each steps making him almost fall.

"You can try as much as you want to threaten me Niall, nobody is going to believe some messed up little druggie." He spins him around, Niall's back slamming into the door, the handle digging into his back. He fights against Harry,  clawing and scratching at his hand to try and get him off but Harry just looms over him angry and hardly effected by Niall's efforts.

Niall knows he has pushed it to far. He has basically ruined any chance of Harry forgiving him and it has him in a panic, trying to get away so he can run back upstairs, keep himself in the house until Harry had calmed down and Niall can try again. Keep trying until everything is ok again. 

"You stay away from Liam and you stay away from me. We are over Niall and there is nothing you can do or say to change that." 

"Please!" Harry tugs Niall's away from the door so he can pull it open. His suitcase goes first landing with a loud thud that echoes in Niall's head. Harry pushes Niall out, watches as he falls down hard onto his knees sobbing into his hands.   
"Harry please don't do this." By the time Niall is back up Harry had slammed the door in his face, the door clicking as he locks it.   
"No no no no." Niall slams his body into the door, banging his fist against the hard wood and pushing the handle down.   
"I'm sorry. Let me back in I'm sorry I won't say anything. Just let me back in Harry!" He kicks at the door fist still banging as hard as he can not caring about the noise and the attention he could be getting from the other houses around them. He just wanted to get back inside, to start the conversation all over again and not screw up so badly.  
"Come on please! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it. I'm sorry!" He spins around, surprised to see everything around him still looking so calm and normal. How can everything still be carrying on when Niall's whole world is about to implode. There should be mayhem.   
He turns back to the door banging a couple of times before sliding down in a heap.   
"Harry." He shoulders shake as he sobs face soaked with tears and snot that he can't even care to wipe away anymore.   
"I'm sorry. It's was my fault, it was and I'm sorry. I love you, I love you so much." He bends over, face burying into his knees as he cries and shouts for Harry to let him back in. 

Harry never replies and the door stays closed and locked, each minute that passes feeling like another stab to Niall's heart. 

He curls up on his side, hand still placed flat to the door. He wonders if Harry is the other side, listening to him crying. Or has he moved away so he can't hear the sound. Sat in the kitchen with his hands over his ears, or upstairs under the safety of the blanket on his bed. 

The day had started so perfect. Niall deciding to stay, Harry making love to him and then making plans to have their own little adventure together. 

He had only gone to the library to study.   
Everything was going to be so perfect. 

"Niall mate." Niall jumps, lifting his head up to Louis who was looking down at him with such a sorry sad look that had Niall bursting into tears all over again. 

"I'm here to take you home." Niall notices that his suitcase has gone, that it must already he in Louis car that is waiting at the end of the driveway to take him away. 

"This is home." Louis crouches down sighing as he rubs at his face.   
"Not anymore. Come get in the car yeah." Niall pushes himself up into a sitting position back pressed to the door.   
"I'm not leaving. He will let me back in, he has too. It's not over Lou, it's not. I don't want it to be and neither does he." Louis hooks his hands under Niall's armpit and hoist him up with a groan.   
"He's not letting you back in, not for today at least. You still high?" Niall frowns, looks around then nods.   
"I think so. I'm not sure, I can't really feel it. I think I will be alright to talk to him more calmly now don't you think?" Louis starts gently leading Niall towards his car, supporting most of his weight.   
"That's not a good idea. Home is where you need to be, a bit of space might do some wonders." Niall digs his feet into the ground, pushing back against Louis as they near the car.   
"I said this is my home." Louis shoves him forward, grabbing his waist to stop him from falling. 

"It's Liam and Harry's home and they want you to leave, so come on lad into the car." Niall let's himself be pushed into  the car, bending his head to avoid banging it. Louis leans in to put his seat belt on, Niall's head flopping forward to rest on the side of Louis.   
"I love him." Louis pauses, raising his hand to pat Niall on the shoulder.  
"I know."   
"I thought he loved me too." Louis winches, eyes closing.  
"He does."   
"Not enough." Louis moves back so he can shut the door and jog round to the drivers side.  
"He does love you enough Niall, but he will always love Liam more. He will do what's best for Liam over what's best for himself and you. You shouldn't have to be told that." Louis is right of course, he is always annoyingly right. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. It doesn't stop Niall from breaking down as Louis pulls away.   
Niall finds him a little less annoying when he holds his hand the whole way home, only letting go when he has parked the car and switched the engine off.   
"Want me to come in with you?" Niall is staring across at the house, it feels like a lifetime ago he was last here. His dad's car is  parked up in front of Louis so he knows he is definitely inside.   
"No, I think I will be ok." Louis grips onto the steering wheel, the sound of his skin against the material loud in the car.

"Look at me." Niall turns to look at Louis, eyebrow raised.  
"You don't look like stoned or anything, so at least he won't kill you." Niall huffs turning to look at his suitcase in the back seat. 

What does he do now? Just go inside and carry on with everyday life until Harry or Liam want to talk to him again?  
He is not even sure how to go about doing that when it feels like everything has ended.   
Would they ever speak to him again?

Zayn had managed to do exactly what he wanted. Harry and Liam where now apart of the pile of people he had lost. 

He looks back at the house, blinking rapidly to stop more tears. 

"I don't suppose you will talk to them for me? Try and get them to forgive me and let me come back?"

"I don't think so Ni. Usually I love to be the voice of reason, the peacekeeper and all that but I'm gonna take a step back on this one. They need to decide what to do." Niall understands that, he does. He messed up and he has to live with that now.   
He just had to hope they let him back. He doesn't think he remembers how to be a person without Liam and Harry in his life. 

He does not even know how to move forward without Harry anymore. Harry is supposed to be his future. His everything. 

"You should get going now. You got my number yeah? Just in case you really need me for something." Niall unbuckles his seat belt and opens the door.   
"Thank you." He slides out, opening the back door to grab his case.   
"Bye Niall." Niall swallows. It's sounded to much like a real goodbye.  
"Bye Louis." He steps back waiting until Louis has backed his car out of the driveway before he walks to the front door. 

He doesn't have his key, can't even remember if he left it at Harry's or if he never took it with him when he left. He had been too busy being angry at his dad to pay attention to something like house keys.

The door in unlocked though when he tries the handle. That's new, his dad never left the door unlocked. It was something his mum would do then roll her eyes and tut trough the lecture she would receive from her husband about safety and the rise off crime in London, would most definitely share a little smile with Niall at some point during his rant.

The memory sends a shock through Niall. Such a small simple moment that he would kill to have again.

He lays his suitcase by the stairs, tears springing to his eyes because the house is bright and clean and smells like it used to.

He almost expects his mum to come out of the kitchen, arms held up or carrying some kind of snack as she asks Niall about his days planting too many kisses on his face. 

She doesn't though. Instead he is faced with his dad. Who mutters his name, confused about the sudden appearance of Niall.

Then he is walking towards him arms held up.   
He catches Niall as he falls, dropping to his knees with him.  
"Niall? What on earth has happened?" His hands are in Niall's hair and stroking across his face while Niall clings in to him sobbing into his shoulder, hands wrapped tightly in his top.  
"I messed up Dad, I really messed up." Bobby holds him closer, pressing kissing to the top of his head.   
"It's alright son, it's alright. You're home now, I'm going to take care of you."


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short. I'm quite keen to get this finished so I can take a bit of a break from constantly thinking and planning in my head. Then I will start my next project.

The next two weeks are the hardest Niall has ever been through.  
He constantly feels like he is trying to walk in drying cement, waking to an elastic band drawn tight around his chest that is twisting and twisting as the day goes on until he finally gives in and lets it all out by sobbing into his pillow or his hands or his dad's shoulder. 

It's been two weeks full of crying and his dad asking so many questions and nothing from Harry and Liam.

He calls and calls and texts and texts until eventually they both block his number.  
Louis calls one, voice soft like he is trying to sooth Niall but all does is make him want to kick and scream because it's not fair.   
"You need to stop Niall. They don't want you to come back."   
"Why Lou? Why can't they forgive me? I messed up but I was grieving and Zayn manipulated me and he used that to trick me. I never wanted to cheat on him, it was barely anything."   
"It's not just the cheating. You have lied too many times, hurt Liam. Even if Harry wanted you back Liam doesn't. He has to put Liam first Niall. I'm sorry but it's really over, you need to start moving on. Leave them alone." 

He travel plans are back on obviously. There is no way he can stay here now he has lost Harry. He occupies himself with getting ready. His dad helping to make sure he has everything he needs, got to the doctors for his shots and got his stuff in order. 

He can't breath most days and he thinks this might be worse then losing his mum. He gets up each morning though, sad and angry and so fed up with the world, but he gets up and he goes about his day talking to his dad and flicking through revision books.

He starts writing again. Cold harsh words that make himself cry and rip the pages up in anger, but at least he is writing. 

His first exam is horrendous. He can feel Zayn and Liam presence in the room, burning into the back of his head. It makes him jittery. His legs bounches under the table, his fingers tugging at his hair and his nails bitten down so low that they start to bleed. 

He hates being this close to Zayn again, wants to launch across the room and grab him. Scream at him and hurt him.   
He just wants Liam to forgive him, make everything good again. 

When the hour is up and everyone starts to dwindled out of the hall Niall looks down and realises he only answered two questions. He looks up in shock. He didn't do his test.

He gets up and leaves quickly, doesn't want to see the look on the teachers face when they pick it up and see it's incomplete. 

The kid with the most promising future didn't even complete his first GCSE paper. 

He pauses outside the door looking at the white board placed in the hallway a warning wrote out in black pen for the other students. 

Please be quiet in hallways during English exam. 

Fuck.  
He just failed his English exam. 

"Not looking so good there Irish." Nialls body jolts at the voice and before he even knows what he is doing or can tell himself it's a bad idea Niall is turning and punching Zayn straight in the nose. 

There is a sickening crunch that sends a satisfying wave over Niall, Zayn falls back blood bursting out his nose. 

He steps around Zayn without a word, barely looks at him and walks out of the school. 

He pays more attention during his other exams finding it easier each time to be sat in the same room as the others.   
It's also really therapeutic to see Zayn with bruised up eyes from his broken nose.

He finishes the papers and he thinks he does well but he can't hide from the fact that he failed the most important one. The one he needed to actually get himself into collage for the course he wanted. 

He accepts that he fucked his future up pretty quickly simply by the fact that he doesn't really care anymore. 

After his last test he goes home and uses some of his travel money to change the date of his ticket to New York so he can leave the next day. 

He texts Louis in the morning even though he knows the chances of Harry wanting to stop him are slim. But maybe he would still at least get a goodbye from him or Liam. 

He checks his phone non stop on the drive to the airport but nothing. 

He refuses his dad's offer to stay with him while he waits, he just wants to be alone and he would just end up snapping at him. 

The hug for a really long time before Bobby finally walks away. Niall watches him until he can't see him anymore and with a deep shaky breath he goes to find somewhere to sit. 

He still has a few hours before his flight so he is happy to browse shops and jot stuff down in his notebook before he bothers with security. He even managed to find a tour guide for New York in a small book shop. He already has one of course but that's packed away in his suitcase so he still buys it so he can pass some time by planning some activities for himself. 

He leaves it until he has two hours left before he packs his stuff back into his holdall and clutches his ticket and passport in his hand as he goes to join the cue. 

He is taking his passport back from a ridiculously smiley lady when his ears perk up. He frowns looking around sure he heard his name.  
He scans the crowd wondering if his dad is back. Had he forgot something? Or maybe someone else just had the same name as him.   
There where a lot of people here so it could happen. 

"Niall!" Ok, yeah someone's calling him.   
He spins around trying to catch sight of anyone he knows. Some other people are also starting to look.   
"For Christ sake Niall."  
"What the..." He spots Louis who is now standing above the crowd of people waving his hands in the air and jumping about. He grins when he sees that Niall has noticed him then starts frantically pointing. Niall trys to follow the direction  his eyes darting about.   
What the hell is going on?

Liam burst out of the crowd then all red faced and chest heaving as he stops in front of Niall.   
"Oh god...I had to run...nowhere to park." Niall just stares at him in shock as he bends over, hands on knees trying to catch his breath.   
He looks up hoping to see Harry appear too. He didn't of course. 

"Hi." Liam is standing up straight now, a look on his face that Niall can't quite work out.   
"Hi?"  
"Your leaving early, Louis just told us this morning." Niall nods. He doesn't really know what to say, or what Liam would even be here after deciding to cut Niall out of his lifetime completely. 

"The whole year?"   
"For as long as I need."   
"Ok. That's good I suppose." Niall shifts awkwardly. If him and Liam where on good terms he would pull him into a hug, probably cry like a baby and tell him he loves him. He is not sure what is acceptable between them now. 

"Listen umm...I'm really angry at you right now, and probably will be for a long time. But I'm going to really miss you and this is really going to suck. I hope you have the time of your life and find whatever it is you need to find to fix yourself. I want you to have the best kind of life Niall." Tears gather in Niall's eyes and then Liam is hugging him. Niall pushes his face into his neck, pressing his whole body flush against him.   
It's lifted a little bit of the pain knowing that Liam's still care enough to come say goodbye, even if he has still lost his friendship. 

"Here I have this for you." Liam pulls back, sniffing and wiping his face with his sleeve. He pulls a pink envelope out of his back pocket and hands it to Niall.   
"He was up all night writing this, but he couldn't face you." Niall looks down at his name written in Harry writing, a tear dropping onto the envelope and soaking in. 

"Love you brother." Niall leans up to place a kiss to Liam's forehead.   
"Love you too." He squeezes Niall's hand then quickly walks off, head down as he pushes back into the crowd. 

Niall is a mess as he goes through security, receiving some weird and worried glances as he makes his way into the plane. 

He feels unbelievable lucky to have seen and spoken to Liam before he left, but it still hurts so badly that Harry couldn't come. He would have done anything to just see his face one more time. 

By some miracle the seat next to Niall stays empty so he takes out a book, his notebook and a pen placing them in the empty space. He waits until the plane is up in the air and most people have shoved headphones on to watch the inflight movie before carefully opening the pink envelope, of course it's pink because it's Harry. 

His hands are shaking as he flattens out the letter, already having to shove his fist into his mouth to stop himself from crying loudly. 

Niall,

I'm not sure how good I am going to be at this. You're the one who is good with words but I will try for you. 

I'm sorry for the way things ended between us. That we had to have such a messy horrible end when everything else about us was so beautiful and perfect.

I love you, I don't think I will ever stop loving you but I can't face seeing you before you leave. It will hurt to much don't you think? Seeing you when your about to leave, not being able to touch or kiss you because it still hurts to much to even think about doing that.  

I wanted a chance to say that I love you and I want you to have the most amazing year of your life.  
Be young Niall, be brave and do all the things that make you scared so that when you come back you can say you have done it all.   
That way it will be worth it. Not having me holding you back. 

I will think of you everyday, every minute of everyday I imagine. I hope you think of me but I want you to move on. Live life, fall in love with a different boy in each country if you want too. It would make for some very good writing material I should think. Write a book for me?

I'm going to keep loving you if that's ok. And just incase you still want me when you come home I will be waiting. I will always be waiting for you Niall.  
You are my person after all, the wait will be worth it.

You are going to have such an amazing life my brave, clever and loving boy.

Your mum will be smiling down on you, make her proud. 

I love you will all my heart beautiful. 

All my love

Harry 

Niall folds the letter back up, a sad smile on his soaked face.   
"I love you too." He whispers pressing his lips to the letter before slotting it back into the envelope and placing it carefully into his bag. 

He drys his face and takes some calming breaths before picking up his notebook and pen. He tears out everything he has written in it so far. All the sadness and nasty words and drops the pages at his feet. 

He looks at the fresh page, too white and painfully empty.  

He puts pen to paper and he starts to write.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter right here killed me. Like actually killed me to write. I think I have all areas covered though. If I forgot anything then just ask and I will fill you in. 
> 
> This is not actually the last chapter. This was just getting too long so there will be another small update for you all.  
> Then after that keep it in your library guys because I will be doing random little one shots in the future. 
> 
> God I hope you all like this because it's been my life for the past however many days and I just died while doing it. 
> 
> Love you all xxx

Niall's phone starts to beep as soon as he steps off the plane and into the airport. He doesn't even have to look to know he's being bombarded with emails and texts from his publisher and Agent. Both have been up his arse since his very last minute decision to come home. 

He understands that it's getting close to the release date of his new book, but he is pretty sure he does not need to actually physically be in LA for the release to happen. 

He gets his phone out anyway and unlocks it.   
Five missed called, ten emails and a some text messages that are full of angry faced emojis a few swear words and an awful lot of exclamation marks. Plus one random text from someone who does not understand what a casual hook up means. Niall rolls his eyes pocketing his phone again as he starts to look around for his dad. 

"Excuse me?" Niall turns towards the voice, putting on his best smile as a young girl nervously approaches him.  
"Yes pet?" She giggles, instantly flushing red.   
"Hi, sorry to bother you I just really love your books could you sign this for me?" Niall takes the pen the girl is offering him and a napkin that she had probably snatched from one of the restaurants when she noticed him.  
"Of course love, what's ya name?"   
"Umm it's Willow." Niall scribbles out a quick note signing his name with a kiss.   
"Here ya go. I hope you have a lovely day."   
"Oh wow." She takes the napkin back looking up at him with wide eyes. "Thank you so much. Thank you, bye!" Niall waves watching her walk back to what looks like her parents, shoving the napkin in their faces. 

He laughs, the familiar warmth bubbling in his chest that he always gets when he meets a fan. It was nice to not be famous enough that he was papped everywhere he went, but still had fans come up to him to chat or sign something. It was even better when he had time to really talk to them about his books and get their thoughts and opinions. 

When he turns back to resume his hunt for his dad he is met with the sight of him standing a few feet away, massive grin on his face holding a poster with Niall's name on and a bunch of balloons floating next to him.  
"Oh dear god." His dad's waving erratically, practically jumping up and down as Niall makes his way over to him.  
"Hey dad, ooff" Bobby pulls him into a tight hug hand cradling the back of his head.  
"You brought balloons."  
"Of course I brought balloons. I haven't seen my baby boy in person for four years and he is finally coming home." Niall scoffs but still turns his face into his dads neck to breath him in. He smells like home.   
"I will have you know I am twenty now Da. Fully fledged adult." Bobby releases him, stepping back as he takes him in.  
"You will still be my baby boy even when your forty. Especially if you keep insisting on staying away for so long." Niall grabs the string of the balloons chuckling to himself as they go over to baggage claim.   
"Did that girl ask for your autograph? You are so famous." Niall laughs watching out for his luggage.  
"I'm not famous dad. It's only happens sometimes."  
"Oh please let me enjoy myself. My son the bestselling author. Three times may I add. You're famous " Niall spots his bag so quickly lunges forward to grab it before it goes round again. 

He shoves his sunglasses over his eyes as the leave the airport, Bobby leading the way to his car.   
"Lisa is cooking up a right storm at home. That woman is somehow more excited then me to have ya back in London. Been chatting me ear off all morning about how perfect everything has to be." Niall smiles fondly thinking of Lisa back hone running herself ragged over his return.

Lisa and Bobby had official become an item two years ago. Niall couldn't have been happier, after countless Skye chats where even he could feel the bloody sexual tension between them. It was gross but rather adorable to see. 

It was surprising how right it felt to see his dad falling in love all over again. So right that he had convinced himself Lisa had been sent my his mum herself.  
It was definitely fate, Bobby losing his wife then finding Lisa. Lisa losing her son then gaining Niall, who made a pretty good further step son he thinks. 

"I guess it's about time I actually got to taste her cooking instead of just watching you two eating it while I stuff me face with takeaway." Bobby glances over at Niall, face rosy with happiness. 

"She did offer to teach you some of her recipes but you're a lazy sod." Niall rolls his head back against the headrests watching the world pass by outside the window.   
"I have missed you dad."  
"Missed you too son." 

Xxxx

Niall has brought himself a flat not too far from his dad's house and somehow managed to keep it a secret from his Agent who is normally so up in his business that he can't even take a dump without her texting to ask how it was.

He bloody loved her though, she was a saint. 

The plan was to spend today with his dad and Lisa and sleep in his old room just for tonight. Tomorrow he would be going to his new flat that Lisa had decorated and furnished with the help of some designer that Niall had never heard of before but Lisa had gushed about. He was just glad she enjoyed doing it, he didn't really care much about how it looked.

He didn't really know how he felt about moving back to London. He just knew it was time to come home and he had given himself the time he needed to move on from everything.

His mum's death had hit him harder then he really knew and it had taken most of the time away for him to be able to think of her and feel nothing but happiness at her memory and contentment with how he felt about it all. 

His agent and publisher had to deal with a few angry outburst before he got to that place. 

Harry. Harry is still something he struggles with, and after burying himself in other men for three years he just let himself accept that Harry really was the love of his life and he was just going to have to deal with the fact he was stupid enough to lose him. At least he managed to get three bloody good books out of it. 

He became a publish author completely by accident after a nosey girl sat behind him in a restaurant in Italy reading over his shoulders as he wrote.  
Nosey girl was in fact called Maggie and was on vacation with her friends.  
Maggie also happened to be a publisher who really wanted to read more of what was in Niall's notepad.   
He hasn't got rid of her since and she introduced him to his agent, Sonya. It hasn't really stopped since then and before he knew it three years had passed, he had three best selling books and he had set base in LA.   
Niall was living his dream. It just kinda sucked that he couldn't share it will the people he loved or had the balls to come home.

He did receive a message from Louis though, with a pictures attached of him holding his book up in Waterstones with a what the fuck face and a text in all capitals asking him to please explain.   
It was the one and only time he had contact with Louis for the whole four years he was away and it was probably the best moment of it all because it meant that Harry knew too. Harry had probably held his book in his hand and hopefully felt a little proud of him. 

"There is my beautiful boy in the flesh." Lisa is in Niall space as soon as he walks in the door all flapping arms and wet kisses to the face.  
"Hey Lisa." Sixteen year old Niall would never had imagined he would be so excited and so relived to be smothered to death by this wonderful woman.   
"Smells amazing in here." Lisa finally releases him, moving to fuss over Bobby even though he had only been out the house a couple of hours. 

Niall took this time to look around the house and get his bearings.   
Lisa had changed a few things A little bit of fresh paint and a few new pieces of furniture but it still felt so much like the home his mum made, something Lisa found very important to do. His mum was still an important part of this family, and so was Lisa's Son, pictures of both hanging around the house. 

Walking trough the front door finally felt like coming home.   
If he had to wipe away a few tears then who can really blame him.

"I cooked your favourite Niall, it will be ready soon but if you want to go up and get settled and freshen up you have time." Niall thanks her with a kiss on the cheek then grabs his suitcase heading for the stairs, slapping his dad on the shoulder as he passes.

Standing in his childhood bedroom was beyond weird.   
Lisa had given him fresh sheets and the curtains had been changed but it still screamed teenage boy. 

He noticed someone had removed the many photos he had blue tacked on his walls and made a note to thank them later (Most likely Lisa). He really was not ready to be faced with a wall of Liam and Harry smiling at him. 

He placed his suitcase on the bed to unzip it. He had just a small bag of dirty clothes that he had grabbed out of his laundry basket as he went so he threw that to the side to do later then grabbed out a simple outfit of jeans and T-shirt. 

He showers quickly, using his dad's stuff as he still had to go out and do some shopping for himself and the flat.  
Once he is dressed he decides to leave his brown hair to dry by itself not really caring much about it going puffy. 

By the time he gets downstairs and takes his seat at the table he can start to feel the tiredness seep in.   
He only just manages to keep up with the conversation, aware that his eyes keep drooping. Luckily he has spoken to Lisa and his dad multiple time everyday since he left so he didn't need to worry about staying awake for any big chats about what he has been up to. 

He falls asleep on the sofa seconds after Lisa has ushered him out of the kitchen and he has sat down. 

Xxxxx

When Niall wakes again its dark and quite in the house and he is suddenly filled with such a panic that he has to rush out into the garden before he throws up. 

"Alright son?" Niall startles at his dad's voice, frowning when he sees him sat in the swinging chair. He walks over to him taking the seat next to him.  
"What you doing up? What time is it."  
"It's only midnight, I don't tend to be in bed before then." Niall's head flops back against the soft cushion, enjoying the steady back and forward motion as his dad swings them.  
"Whats got you looking so panicked?" Niall shrugs then sighs rubbing at his face.   
"I'm gonna have to face them now I'm back. I'm ready to be back here you know. I think I could write some good stuff being here too, but I think even if I had been away for twenty years I still would not be ready to face them." Bobby nodded, looking thoughtful, Niall smiles knowing he was trying to think if something wise to say. Bobby is convinced with age comes more wisdom. 

"And who are these people your worried about?"  
"You know who dad."   
"But have you actually said their names since you left? Or have you just spent as much time as possible acting like they don't exist. Just say it out loud and see how it makes you feel." Niall already feels itchy, all over his skin and down his throat and it spreads over every part of him.  
He shifts in the seat, sending then rocking side to side for a second before the swing settles again. Sometimes he can feel their names. Like they are trying to claw their way up his throat so they can force their way passed his lips and he has to try so hard to keep them down because he doesn't know what would follow. It got worse when he started doing interviews for his first book, when everything seemed to be about them. To him at least.  
What inspired you to write this book?  
How did you think of the story line?  
Are the characters based of anyone in your life?  
What made you decide to stay in LA when your family is based in London?

He didn't tell anyone in LA to much about his life here in London, not even the people he had grown close to.

He was the only person who read the books and saw the faces, well him and maybe the people who inspired him. 

"Liam." Because that's the easiest one to say really. It still burns at his throat and stings at his eyes. 

"Harry" That one rips at his heart and twist his stomach up and up. It makes him bite down hard on his lip after saying it and turn his head away from his dad. 

"You let yourself recover Niall. You went away and you let yourself move on from your mum's death, you surrounded yourself with beautiful things and good people who gave you no reason to turn to other methods to cope. You grew up a lot and you learnt to deal with all the shit life could possibly throw at you. You became one hell of a man. But you have not recovered from the lost of your best friend and you have not recovered from this massive heart break you felt. That's because you couldn't find the closure you needed by being thousands of miles away, you need to be here for that. You need to face them and you need to talk and you need to move on that way. I think they need that too." Niall looked back at his dad, taking in all that he was saying. He was right of course. Running away and hiding for four years was not the way to deal with Liam and Harry.

He needed to be able to talk to them, say sorry for all the things he was sorry for. Take responsibility for all the hurt he caused. He needed to know what they thought of him now and where he stood with them. 

"I didn't tell you because it's very clear you never wanted to talk about them, but they come here again for dinner weekly. Like how your mum used to do. Harry and Liam." 

"They do." Bobby nods patting Niall on the knee.

"I don't know what you want to hear about them. Or what you want from then now, but they where a mess for a long time. Harry especially. And it's funny you know, because me and Harry never really spoke about the two of you and the relationship you had. He knew I knew of course, but I couldn't possibly sit down with him and talk about it. Sometimes he would disappear and I would find him stood in your room. He would just be standing there staring into space or he would be holding something of yours. I couldn't even be angry with him because it was so obvious that he really loved you Son, was still in love with you. I couldn't be angry at someone who felt that way about you." Niall wipes at his eyes, imagines of Harry in his room flooding his mind. 

"I still love him dad. I'm going to have to go see him and I still love him." What if Harry has moved on? Niall can't blame him if he has. He wrote in the letter that he would wait but he thought Niall was only going for a year, maybe two at the most. But Niall had not only stayed away for double that but he actually settled in LA. It was well know that Niall had a home and a life there so Harry most likely gave up and got on with his life. 

"I know you do, I've read ya books Niall and I am not stupid. Anyone who knows will see it written in them books. You can change the name of your characters but I know who they are supposed to be." They fall into a comfortable silence, Niall looking up at the stars and his dad looking at him.   
He knows Bobby still worries about him. He lost control of his life so drastically after his mum died so he can't really blame him. He was in a much better place now though, even if he was still heartbroken.   
He got up everyday with a clear head and a smile on his face.   
He had an amazing life. He was doing his dream job, he had an amazing family and he had money and a comfortable secure future. He was happy and he doesn't think he will be unhappy again.   
He just has a little bit of heartache with it all, but who doesn't. Life is good but it's not perfect and he can deal with that. 

"I didn't tell them you where coming home. Figured you might want to decide when you want them to know. Go see them only when you are ready." 

"Thank you. How do you think they will feel about seeing me?" Bobby blew out some air between his lips, clasping his hands together in his lap.

"I don't think anyone can actually answer that. Even they won't know until they actually see you. I don't think either are expecting you to ever come back so they will be surprised. Liam does ask about you from time to time so I don't think he is angry with you or anything, he might be happy. Harry I really don't know about. He doesn't ask about you and conversation is definitely kept away from you when he is about. You are going to have to find that one out when you see him. He seems happier then when you first left, he might have moved on." 

Niall closes his eyes leaning his head on his dad's shoulder who drops his own head to rest on Niall's.  
"I know. Maybe I will too one day." 

Xxxxxx

Lisa is positively beaming as she watches Niall look around his flat. He has obviously seen pictures of it when he found it online and his dad had video called him while he looked around with the letting agent, but he has not seen it since it has been decorated and furnished. Lisa was too keen to keep it a surprise and Niall liked seeing her so excited at the thought of doing it.

She and the designer had managed to get so much of Niall personality into the place.   
Lisa even remembered all his favourite quotes and had them framed along with the front covers of his books. 

The space was nice and open but still managed to seem comfortable and homely. 

The kitchen was out of this world amazing, and Niall could not wait to have his dad and Lisa over to sample some of the recipes he learnt whilst staying in Italy. Taught to him by a rather attractive boy that he was sleeping with, not that his dad needs to know that piece of information. 

Every room was just as he imagined it to be and he really was baffled that Lisa had gotten to know him so well over their dodgy Skype calls. 

"You like it all yes? All these faces you are pulling are good?" Niall walks over to Lisa, who is standing nervously in the living room area, and picks her up by the waist to twirl her around.   
"Its bloody perfect." Lisa laughs loudly, holding onto Niall's shoulders. She looks beautiful and young and happy and Niall is so happy that Bobby found her. And will probably never stop apologising for his behaviour towards her when they met. 

He was so in love with his new home.  
He loves that the kitchen and living area is all opened planned so he could still chat to his guest while preparing food or drinks. He loves how spacious his hallway was, given him enough room to be able to hang his acoustic guitar up when the rest of his stuff arrives from LA. He loves having a little office where he can go to shut the world out and write and make boring phone calls and email, meaning he can keep work life separate from everything else.   
And for his agent he has a spare bedroom because he knew she would go on about London hotel prices when he broke the news he was suddenly moving back home. She did of course, and a lot of other things that she is still texting to him. 

"Thank you so much for this Lisa, I hope it didn't take up too much of your time though." He gentle placed her back on her feet, grinning down at her as she reaches up to cup his face in her hands.   
"Nothing is too much work for you my darling. I loved every second that I spent helping with getting you back here. Thank you for giving me someone to look after again." Niall pulled her in to kiss her forehead just as his dad came stumbling through the door with a box. 

"Oh no don't worry about me, you two have your moment while the old man stumbles up three flights of stairs with a box full of bloody books. You write books now Niall could ya maybe stop reading so many of the blasted things now." Niall laughs rushing forward to take the heavy box of his dad placing it on the kitchen worktop. 

Apart from his stuff still in LA he was officially moved into to his new flat in central London.   
Walking distance to his mum and a very short bus journey to his dad's. And Harry's. 

Niall shakes the thought away going back over to Lisa and his dad.  
"So son, now your all moved in what's the next step? Having ya old man and young lady over for dinner?" Niall looks around, chewing on his bottom lip. When he walks over to his window he can see an amazing view of London. He was lucky enough to get a flat that was not surrounded by tall buildings and he could happily spend hours here in the future watching the traffic and the people go by. 

He could easily shut himself in the flat and keep himself away from the world. But he needs to make the last few steps to really make his life the best it can be. 

"I'm going to go see Liam today. That's the next step." 

Xxxx

Niall stands outside the university for a little over two hours before he heads inside to look for Liam. 

He wonders into the main courtyard, kind of knowing his way around from a couple of visit here with Louis.   
"Sorry mate." He stops a boy walking past by holding his hand out.  
"Do you by any chance know where a Liam Payne would be?"  
"Payno? Yeah he will be over in the art department I imagine, just head that way." Niall looks in the direction with a frown.  
"Art?"   
"Yeah, his bird practically lives over there so he does too." OK. Right then. Niall thanks the boy and head in the direction of the art block, wondering if this 'bird' is still Macy or someone else. 

The art block really is easy to find and it's extremely massive so he is not sure how easy Liam himself will be to fine inside it. He wonders the halls for a bit poking his head into different rooms, mostly receiving some confused looks when he just glances around the room then leaves. He receives one 'fuck off man' from one delightful looking girl. 

He hears him first, his loud laugh that sends a million memories flashing through his head. Curly haired puppy dog Liam with his head flung back as he laughs at something Niall has said or done. He has to stop for moment to take a few deep breaths to calm his nerves and his emotions then he rounds the next corner. 

He looks so different. Taller and wider and muscular. His curly hair is gone and been replaced with a darker buzz cut and he looks like an adult. His Liam looks like a man. How did he manage to forget that while he was growing so was his best friend. 

His preppy clothes have been replaced with some tight jeans and a baggy tank top, a stark difference to his chinos and button up shirt, all the way to his neck of course. 

He looks cool and he looks so happy. 

His smile and his heart double in size when he notices Macy tucked under his arm looking like such a perfect fit that they almost could be one person.  
She looks the same, the only difference is the bright pink streak in her hair. 

They are both chatting to another couple and Niall manages to just watch them for what feels like hours before Macy's head turns in his direction.   
She laughs at something Liam says and turns back to the conversation before her head suddenly snaps back to him. She stares for a few seconds before her hand smacks into Liam chest so hard that even Niall hears the thwack. Liam jumps, frowning down at Macy as he rubs the area.   
Macy's says something which has Liam looking even more confused, until Macy grabs his chin and forcefully turns his head to face Niall.

His face goes blank and he steps away from the group, his arm falling away from Macy but still hovering in the air a little. He blinks then shakes his head, like he is trying to work out if it is actually Niall stood in front of him.

Niall gives him a small smile, clutching his hands together to stop them from shaking. He is sure his knees are knocking together. He can't quite believe that after four years he is looking right at Liam. 

"Ni?" Liam takes a step towards him then stops, glancing over his shoulder at Macy who is looking between the two of them with wide eyes. When she noticed Liam looking at her she motions for him to go forward. 

"Hey Li." Niall finally speaks up, his voice wobbly and strained. He clears his throat, it feels like he has been stood her for a lifetime waiting for whatever Liam wants to do. Come talk to him or walk away. He will accept either but it needs to be Liam's choice so he stays standing in the same spot and waits. 

"You're here." Niall nods, a quick jerk of his head.   
"Just got back yesterday."  
"And your here? At my uni." Niall shrugs, mouth pouting out as he raises his hands up then let's then drop back to his side.   
"Is that alright?" Liam let's out a breathy laugh.  
"Is that alright? Is that alright? Fuck Niall. You're here." He rushes forward slamming into Niall who was completely unprepared for it so stumbles back a few steps, arms flinging around Liam's waist to keep them both up. Liam grabs the back of Niall's head with one hand the other slapping down on his back.   
"Holy shit you are actually here." Niall smiles into Liam's shoulders, because he is taller then Niall now some how.   
"You're happy to see me." He can't believe Liam is actually happy to see him. Liam laughs, the sound shaky in Niall's ear as he presses his forehead into the side of Niall's head his grip tightening and pulling him closer.   
"So happy. I never expected ..four years. Jesus Niall I bloody missed you."   
"I missed you too. So much, I'm so sorry."   
"Nothing to be sorry for, it's in the past. I'm just happy to see you I didn't think you would ever come back." Niall let's out a sob, squashing his face into Liam's chest, his fingers digging into his back. Never in all the scenarios that ran through Niall's head about seeing Liam again did he imagine getting such a warm welcome.   
He thought it would be cold and awkward and would take ages to even start moving towards a possible friendship.

This though, it feels like nothing bad had ever happened. 

"You have so much to tell me, there is loads to talk about. You are a freaking author Niall! I was so proud when I saw. Oh god you are actually here." Niall laughs, wiping at his face as Liam holds him out at arm length. 

"I can't believe you don't hate me." Liam's face softened.  
"I never hated you Niall. I was just angry, I was for a really long time but then you didn't come back and I just missed you."   
"I'm sorry. I just took longer then I thought to be OK again, I just wasn't ready to be back here." 

Macy walks up behind Liam, grinning and holding her arms out for Niall who happily stepped into them.  
"Hello beautiful." She giggled ruffling his hair.  
"Hey you, it's so good to see you two together again." Liam rolls his eyes, tucking Macy back into his side, where Niall imagined she spends a lot of time.   
"Well it's good to see you two still together, not that I should be surprised." Macy flushes bumping her hip into Liam's 

"Well I would be silly to let this one go, treats me like a princess. You will have to come over for dinner Niall so we can all catch up. Me and Liam live just of campus together now." Niall smiles but his mind suddenly floods with Harry at home alone. He thinks his dad would tell him if Harry had met someone and was living there. Did Harry like living alone? Was he lonely? If Niall never left would he have officially moved in? 

As if sensing his thoughts Liam clears his throat shifting awkwardly.  
"You going to go see him?" Niall winces. Liam mentioning him felt a lot worse then his dad.   
"I'm not sure. Can you not tell him I'm back? Just give me a couple of days to decide and then you can tell him. If that's OK."   
"Yeah sure. I think he will really want to see you though." He would? Niall can't imagine a world where Harry actually wanted to see Niall again. 

"We have to get to class. But my number is still the same, we will have you over or we can go for a pint. You're my best friend and we have never been for a pint." Liam yanks him back into a hug that is a mess of arms and giggles with Macy involved.   
Niall feels like he could be walking on a cloud with how well this went. 

"Fuck, I can't believe you're back."   
"I can't believe you still call me your best friend." Liam beams reaching up to tug at his hair.

"Don't be silly, we're brothers Niall and that's never gonna change. Thank god you stopped bleaching your hair mate." Niall swatted at Liam's hands laughing loudly as he tries to pinch as his nipple. 

This right here was a more surreal moment to Niall then when he saw his first book in the store. Probably a happier one too.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Niall did end up meeting Liam for a pint that same night and was now suffering a slight hangover for it.

He met some great people though and found himself partially attached to a live wire of a girl called River who is in one of Macy's art classes. 

He still can't believe that on his first full day back he and Liam where getting on like nothing bad ever happened and he had slotted so easily into Liam's group of friends. 

Luckily a visit to his mum's grave cleared his head well enough for him to look and act normal again.   
He was glad to see his dad had been keeping his mum looking nice and tidy and loved with fresh flowers. Her headstone had been put in while Niall was away and it was nice to see more then just the little wooden cross looking back at him.

After sitting and chatting with her, something he feels a lot more comfortable doing then when he was a kid, he stops in at a Costa before he goes home.

"Latte please." The girl behind the counter starts making his drink so he steps to the side to not be in the way off any other customers. 

He has bit even been stood there for five seconds when he hears his name.  
"Niall?" He freezes recognising the voice instantly. He swallows before slowly turning to face him.   
"Zayn?" His name comes out as more of a question because Niall is completely stunned to see Zayn stood in front of him with a girl about the age of three holding his hand and a tiny baby strapped to his chest.

"Yeah. When did you get back?" Niall can't stop looking from the baby to the girl, mouth dropped open. 

"Niall?" Niall's eyes snap to Zayn who looks so far away from the troubled teen Niall remembers him to be.

He looked so good and so happy.   
"Sorry. Yeah I'm back." Zayn smiles, his eyes crinkling and shining. The girl hides behind Zayn's leg a little when Niall looks back down to her, her hand sneaking under his top. 

"Oh god sorry,. Niall this is my daughter Rae, and this here is my little boy Elliott." Daughter? Zayn Malik had kids? This is probably the weirdest moment of Niall life. 

"Oh and this is my husband Matthew." A young man appears all blonde and supermodel looking, arms wrapping around Zayn's waist. 

"Matthew this is Niall." Matthew holds his hands out so Niall does the same, still in shock making his handshake limp.

How the hell has Zayn Malik got himself a husband and two kids?  
Zayn Malik.  
Zayn Malik who dealt drugs, spent most nights on the streets and shagged teachers in their fifties all while ruining Niall's life. 

"You look a little lost. Matthew maybe you should go take Rae to sit down, they have some of them crayons and books out that she like." 

"Ok. It was lovely to meet you Niall Zayn has said some lovely things about you, you must come out with us at some point." Niall watches Matthew walk off with Rae, helping her take a seat and get the crayons out the packet. 

His mouth finally closes when he looks back to Zayn who is cooing down at Elliott was is stirring a little. 

"Do you want to take a seat?" Everything about Zayn is just completely different to how Niall remembers. Even they way he talks, calm and polite is the opposite of what he was used to. 

"Yeah sure. Sorry for being so...just not what I expected." Zayn motions behind Niall, where his drink has been placed down. He grabs it thanking the girl who is no longer listening then moves to an empty table. 

Zayn sits down opposite him careful not to bang Elliott on the table as he gets settled. 

"You look different. What made you come back?"  
"Just time I guess. But your one to talk about different. Jesus Zayn you look like a different person. And married with kids. How did they happen?" Zayn chuckles, looking down at Elliott his face happy as he stokes a finger across his little fat cheek. 

"I went to rehab a few months after you left. I ended up in hospital after overdosing on heroine."  
"Shit."   
"Yeah it was. It was definitely a wake up call for me, and my parents. They paid for me to get into this really good rehab program. Matthew was this intern there, just handed out some medicine sometimes and done odd jobs around the place. I was really rude to him at first but obviously he fancied me so he kept doing all this stupid stuff to make me laugh. He brightened up most my days." Zayn glances over into the direction of his husband, eyes practically turning into hearts.   
"Anyway, after I left we ended up meeting up a few times and it just went from there. We fell in love, moved in together and got married a year and a half ago. We adopted Rae when she was two. Then my sister helped us with little Elliott here and he arrived four month ago." Niall leans over the table a little to get a better look at Elliott. 

He was a beautiful baby with a thick head of dark hair already, ridiculously long eyelashes and such soft caramel coloured skin. 

"He is so beautiful Zayn." Zayn sighs nodding his head in agreement.  
"They changed my life. Matthew and the kids. I've never felt this kind of love before, never thought I would be able to. When I think back to how I used to be. I will do anything to stop my children from having a life like that." He places a kiss to Elliott's forehead, his hand pressing into his little back. 

"What happened to Mason?" Zayn snorts loudly, shushing to settle Elliott after.   
"Oh god, I try to forget about that. Turns out I was not the only student he was sleeping with, not the youngest either. Last I heard he still had six years left of his sentence to serve." Well, couldn't have happened to a nicer man, Niall thinks as he sinks back down on his seat. 

"Well I guess I'm happy it all worked out for you in the end. Nobody deserves a miserable life. Even you." Zayn looks at Niall across the table, eyes searching his face before he speaks. 

"You where gone for so long because of Harry?" Niall shrugs, the sound of his name like a pin in his skin.  
"And other things. I was a mess, I needed time away to just be myself again. I would blame you but I let you get me there so." 

"I'm sorry by the way. You where right back then, I did push it all on you. I got you to that bad place and I didn't care that I was ruining things for you. I was a selfish kid and I just wanted someone to hurt like I was. It's something I regret everyday. I talked about you a lot in rehab, and to Matthew. Focused on being a bit more like you to help myself. I wish I never treated you like that, and purposefully messing things up with you and Harry. I hate that I done it. I hope you can forgive me one day." Niall sighed reaching across to feel the soft strands of Elliott's hair, then looking across the cafe at Rae who was chatting away to her dad who was talking back just as enthusiastically.

"How about you carry on being a good dad, maybe one of these days become a good friend and we say I forgive you." Zayn beams, grabbing hold of Niall's hand in his.

"I will. I will do both them things I promise. Thank you." 

Xxxxxx

Niall is not exactly sure what leads him to Harry's house after bumping into Zayn. But here he is, staring at the familiar front door of the Styles household.   
He has not idea what he is going to say and he has no idea how himself or Harry will react to seeing each other again.

All he knows is he left the coffee shop after speaking to Zayn and he just ended up walking here. 

He takes a few deep breaths before raising his fist to knock.  
His hand and arm are visibly shaking as he knocks so quietly he wonders if he done it in purpose, if there is a part of him that does not want Harry to answer so he can go home and leave it a few more days. 

He should go. Oh god he should have left it a few more days. He is not prepared. He has not thought over what he wants to say or how he wants to say it.   
What does he do if Harry hates him?  
What does he do if Harry starts shouting?  
Harry might not of wanted to see Niall ever again. He might have been happy for him to stay in LA and out of his life. 

This was a mistake   
How did he think coming here was a good idea?

He is just stepping back when the door is yanked open and Louis is revealed.   
He looks at Niall for a while, his eyes traveling down then up again, lingering on his hair for a while nose scrunched up. 

"Well you took long enough." Wait what?

"What." Louis rolls his eyes, tutting as he steps out of the house.  
"Well when you didn't come back after a year I thought fair enough he's got some shit to sort out, then when it was two I thought hang on what's happening here. Then I saw the book and I was like oh cool he is super busy living the dream I get it. Then three and then four and I'm starting to think this is getting silly now. Four years and he has not got his arse back here yet. But here you are. So took you long enough." 

"Why are you always so.....Louis." Louis shrugs petting Niall on the head.  
"No explanation really. You look cute. Get your butt in there, he is in the garden. I will give you a cuddle and go on about how much I actually missed you when I see you next. This is Harry time so I will go." Louis walks around Niall heading down the path to where his car is parked, how had Niall even missed that?

"Will he be happy to see me?" Louis stops, car keys swinging around his middle finger.   
"If you have to ask me that then do you even know Harry?" Niall just frowns because he is pretty sure he knows Harry really well but he has no idea about how this is going to go. Louis turns again.

"Just get in there hot stuff. I'm bringing a book for you to sign when I see you again, I may accidentally fan girl when you do it so don't judge." He throws up a peace sign then gets into his car. 

Niall shakes his head moving to step into the house, closing the door gently behind him. 

He is hit with every emotion under the sun as soon as he shuts the door on the outside world. 

Nearly all Niall's memories of his time with Harry are here, and there is no way to escape them. 

Apart from a few newer pictures of Liam on the wall nothing at all has changed.   
It's feels and smells the same.   
Niall closes his eyes taking in a deep breath, a tear falling as Harry's smell fills him. 

Oh god he has missed him.

If he thought walking through the uni for Liam was bad then he clearly had not thought about this moment enough.

He was barely breathing as he walked into the kitchen, legs so wobbly he has to lean against the wall for a second. The back door is open but Niall can't get himself to go over to it yet, to look out and see Harry. 

His hand covers his mouth when he see a pin board nailed to the wall filled with every postcard Niall had sent to Liam. He had done like he planned and kept Liam up to date on where he was for the first year of his travels, just in case they wanted him to come home. He never heard anything and had figured Liam threw them away, but here they where stuck on the wall for him and Harry to look at when they ate breakfast and had family meals.  
Niall was right here in this room all this time.  
Under the pin board is a small little table with three books piled together. Niall walks over to it, hand resting on top of the books as he looks over the board.   
He can't remember some of the postcards but most he can. He can remember the feeling he got when he posted them, the hope that this would be the one to make them call him back. 

Until eventually he was just doing it out of habit and he was not sure he even wanted to be asked back anymore. 

He stopped sending them once he realised he was not going to be coming home no matter what, no until he himself knew it was the right thing to do. 

In the corner of the board there is a small pictures pinned in place by a love heart pin. In the picture Liam is laying across Niall's back with his chin resting on the top of his head, both boys are grinning at the camera and Harry is next to them leaning over to be in the shot. 

Niall run his finger over the photo, squeezing his eyes shut to stop himself from crying.

"Oh my god." Niall keeps his back to him, can't turn to face him yet because he is not ready to see his face. Just hearing his voice is enough to make him want to drop to his knees so he grips onto the table head falling down to look at the books there. 

He has seen the covers of his books so many times, to the point that he might possible be getting bored of seeing them. He loves them here, in Harry's house. He loves seeing them in a place that is so important to him, a place that inspired most the words on the pages. 

"What.... Niall?" Niall lifts his head back up, still can't bring himself to look at Harry.

He was going to look so beautiful and it was going to tear Niall to pieces that he couldn't close the gap between them and kiss him. 

"Hi." Somehow he gets his voice to sound so much stronger then he feels which is good. Harry had probably got over him and he doesn't what him to know Niall is still so in love with him. 

"What are you doing...when did you get back?" 

"Thursday, so only a couple of days ago." He can hear Harry's feet shuffling across the floor followed by the tap, figures he must be washing his hands from whatever he was doing in the garden. 

"I didn't think-we didn't think you would ever-" Harry stops talking but Niall can hear him breathing, can feel him standing closer then maybe Niall would like him too. 

"Does Liam know?"  
"Yeah. I saw him yesterday, told him not to tell you." Niall looks back up at all the postcards, the very first one he sent from New York looking a little frayed and faded from where the sun had shone on it over the years and all the way to his last. Italy, where he nearly stayed because he thought he had found something that would let him move on from Harry. Well someone. 

"Can you look at me?" No. No I can't look at you because you are everything I want but can't have. 

He is going to look at him and it's going to be just like it was when he was sixteen. 

"Niall?" Harry's hand wraps around his wrist sending a jolt up his arm. He yanks it away a lot harsher then he intended to before spinning on his heel to face Harry. 

His hair was a lot shorter, curling just below his ears. A blue bandanna was wrapped around the locks to keep him out of his eyes, a piece of material that Niall is sure came from a t-shirt he left behind. He had a smear of mud on his cheek and another on his neck but he managed to still look so perfect. Niall has to dig his fingers into the palm of his hands to keep himself in check.

This is not his Harry anymore. This beautiful man in front of him is not his. It seems so strange to be stood right in front of him again, knowing what they used to be. What Niall messed up. It's too much. 

"I guess I just wanted you to know I'm back for good, so I will just leave now." 

"You don't have to leave." Harry frowns holding his hand out to stop Niall from moving.   
"I really think I should." He looks around for a pen and paper, remembers Harry used to always keep a stack of sticky note by the fridge to leave messages for Liam so skirts around Harry to grab one.

"Can I see you again?" Niall nods picking the pen up with shaky fingers.   
"This is my address. I still have a load of stuff to be brought over from LA so it's a little empty right now but maybe you could come over at some point." Harry takes the note from Niall, eyes wide as he looks down at it.

"Tomorrow. I can come over tomorrow, about seven?" Okay, yeah Niall thinks he can do that. He will have time to prepare himself mentally and he will be in a new setting away from all these memories. That might be easier. 

"Yes ok." He agrees far to quickly and will probably regret it later. Harry nods grinning at Niall, dimples popping out and his green eyes shining.  
How the hell was Niall going to survive having Harry in his flat?   
"Great, I need to go now. See you tomorrow." Niall leaves the kitchen and again the memories are like a slap in the face as he moves towards the door. The crying, the shouting, Niall's heart being torn apart. He rips the door open with more aggression then he means to, ignoring Harry as he calls out his name and slams the door shut behind him. 

He waits until he is a few blokes away to stop and lean against the wall and let himself cry. 

He is blubbering like a baby when he finally gets his phone out of his pocket and calls his dad to come pick him up.

Xxxxx

"It was a big step Niall, being back is going to bring you some bad days you must have known that." Niall is laying on his back on the sofa, his dad talking to him from the kitchen as he makes them a cuppa. 

"Yeah I know. But it was stupid of me to just go there without any plan. I just turned up then acted like an idiot dad." Bobby placed Niall's drink down lifting his feet up to take a seat. 

"I imagine it was a hard thing for the both of you. But he is coming over tomorrow night so you can be more ready and see what he has to say." Niall sighed pulling himself to sit upright.

"I don't know, it was really hard to see him in person. It could just end up being a disaster. Why did I even invite him here? It's going to be so intimate just the two of us. I should have said to meet at a coffee shop or something." Why is he such an idiot.   
The words just flew out of his mouth before he brain could comprehend what a bad idea it was. 

"Can I just ask, what exactly do you want to come of this Niall? Are you just going to clear the air and move on with your life? Be friends with him? Do you want to date him again?" Niall didn't even have to think about that one.

"I'm still in love with him dad, I want him in my life and I will take it in any form I can. Be it friend or boyfriend or best friend's dad. I just want him back in my life. I have managed to move on from everything but not him. That is why today was a bad idea, I'm not going to get him back if I'm acting like a psycho."

"Oh come on it was not that bad surely. He wanted to see you again. I'm sure he understood. The bloke was in bits after you left and it took him ages to go back to his normal self. Trust me he wants what you want and tomorrow is going to go great." Niall reaches over for his tea, poking his dad's leg with his toe.

"Thanks by the way, you have been really easy to talk to since I got back. And thank you for being so supportive of my feelings for Harry. You have every right to be angry about that." Bobby shrugs. 

"Like I said any man who loves you the way he did or might still has my approval. He is a good man. Plus your a man yourself now and I trust you to make the right choices, always have done." 

"Love you, you soppy git." Bobby beams sipping from his mug.

"Love you too. And you will be great tomorrow." 

Xxxxx

Niall runs back into his bedroom for the tenth time in the past half an hour to check his appearance again. 

He had opted for some black skinny jeans because they always make him look good and a thin blue jumper. His hair had been styled into a quiff, something he hasn't actually been bothered to do for a long time so he was feeling rather fancy.   
He wanted to look good but was aware that he needed to look like he didn't make an effort.  
This wasn't a date, this was just for them to talk. 

He is snapped out of his mild panic by a soft knocking on his door.   
"Oh god." He takes one more look at himself, smoothing down his jumper before walking towards the door as slow as he could get away with.  
"Oh god, oh god, oh gosh oh god." He checked his hair again then opened the door to a nervous looking Harry holding a plant. Niall's heart leaps out of his mouth and his stomach drops out his ass with how good he looks. 

"Hey, come in." Niall steps to the side as Harry walks into his flat, looking around before focusing back in Niall.   
"I got you this plant, not really sure what it is but the lady in the shop said it only needs watering a couple of times a week and I was not sure how busy you get so, yeah." Niall takes the plant from him staring down at it before turning and placing it down on the worktop.   
Thank you." Harry cleared his throat nodding his head. 

"It's really weird, to have you standing right here. I didn't think you where ever coming back to be honest." 

"Yeah? Guess its weird for me too, to be home and to see everyone again." Niall wrings his hands together, the atmosphere so tense and thick. Harry looks to be feeling the same, hand by his mouth as he pulls at his lip. 

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Niall blurts out suddenly, face heating up. "I was not really planning on coming to see you, I just ended up there. I don't think I was actually ready so that's why I acted like, well an idiot really." 

"It's fine, to be expected. Like i said this is weird, and its kind of hard but obviously it needs to be done. We have things to talk about. You feel ready to do that?" Niall nods, motioning for Harry to take a seat on the sofa.

"Yes, yes for sure." No not at all, please kill me. "Please sit down, Would you like a drink? I have cola or squash? Tea and maybe even some wine!" Harry takes a seat, looking around as he settles.

"Actually if you have wine that would be amazing, don't know about you but alcohol would be good right about now." Niall huffs out a laugh, feeling a little more at ease knowing Harry is finding this as hard as he is. 

He thankfully does have some wine left, a really nice bottle that Lisa had put in the fridge for him yesterday. He had a feeling he would often find some treats hidden away in the place from her and he had no problem with it at all.

"This is a really nice place Niall, are you renting?" Niall grabs two wine glasses down from the cupboard, unscrewing the cap on the bottle.

"No I brought it, figured I might as well make the investment as my move was a permanent one. I will still keep my house in LA though, but will rent it out as a holiday home while I am not there. or give it to my Agent so she doesn't stay so pissed at me." He is surprised at the ease of the conversation, there was still tension and they defiantly where nowhere near as relaxed as they could be. He could talk with him though so that's a good sign. When he makes his way back over to Harry he is looking at him weirdly.

"What?" Harry takes the glass from him, shaking his head.

"Nothing, sorry. You just sound so grown up, and you're buying properties and talking about good investments. Its the kind of stuff me and Lou used to talk about and you would call us old and boring." 

"Well, guess I got boring then." Niall takes his own sip before placing the glass down on the coffee table. 

"So what do you want to talk about first?" Harry looks down, finger running around the rim of his glass.

"Well I guess to start with I should say congratulations on the books. I was so proud when I saw Niall, books with your name on in shops. It's crazy." Niall's blush gets darker. 

"Thank you." 

"And we got all the postcards so it seems the traveling went well. Was it everything you hoped?"

"Yes, god yes. I can't even imagine where I would be right now if i had not of gone. It saved me you know? Being out there and seeing all this amazing stuff. It really knocked some sense into me and made me reevaluate my life and what was important to me. It helped me heal and it helped me to grow." Harry smile is warm as he looks at Niall, green eyes wide and so beautiful Niall could cry. 

"I can tell, there is something about you now. I can't really explain it but it's really good, I'm really glad you done what you needed to do. Do you have a favourite place?" 

"Well I think each place holds something a little special to me, but my trip to Venice was definitely the turning point. I actually ended up staying for a lot longer then I planned. Almost stayed there actually, and it's were my publisher meet me so yeah. Italy would probably be my answer if I had to pick one it's such a beautiful place." Harry hums in agreement drinking more of his wine, both of them falling into silence. 

Niall shifts in his seat and turns away from Harry slightly, suddenly aware that he had been watching Harry's lips as he drank. Definitely not the right time to drool over him really. 

"How has everything been for you? Is the shop still going well?" Harry's face drops and he places his glass down on the table before standing up and walking over to the window hands shoved in his back pockets as he looked out. Niall tried not to look at the way his back muscles tensed under his thin shirt.

"I had to close the shop actually."   
"What? Why?" For as long as Niall had known Harry the music shop had been his pride and joy. Him and Rebecca had worked hard together to get it opened up and getting it as popular as it was. 

There had been quite a few music shops dotted around London when Niall had first moved to the city, but Harry's was the only one that had managed to really stay successful. 

He thought the shop would have been apart of Harry for all his life, had always imagined Liam taking it over for him when he had to. 

"Well turns out when you ignore your business for a year because your so heartbroken over some boy it becomes pretty impossible to rescue it." Nialls shoulders slump, his head falling into his hands. He felt terrible for being the reason Harry lost something else that he loved. Another small part of his wife.

"Harry, I'm so sorry. I messed so much stuff up." Harry laughed, the sound loud and bitter in Niall's ears. 

"It's not really your fault. I'm an adult and I had responsibilities that I shouldn't have ignored just because I was sad. I'm the only one to blame. I was acting like some love sick idiot, thinking you weren't going to go, then thinking you would be back. I left you Niall, I broke up with you and threw you out of my house and cut you out of both mine and Liam's life. Then I just sat around getting myself all depressed because you left. I mean who does that?" The sound of Harry voice breaking has Niall lifting his head back up to look at him, his own throat getting tight. Harry take a few deep breaths, hand raising to his mouth so he can bite down in his finger as he sorts himself out. 

"I had no right to be but I was angry that you left and I just got worse with each day and I just ignored everything. I didn't pay for the stock that was still being delivered because I didn't cancel them, I wasn't paying the bills. You didn't do anything wrong." 

"Maybe not to do with that no." Niall got up, walking across the room to stand next to Harry. It was getting darker outside now, but Niall hadn't wanted to close the curtains because it made everything feel more private, more intimate then he was ready to feel around Harry.   
"But I did so much wrong that led up to that point. I made a promise to you that I really wanted to keep. And I did cheat, just because I didn't touch him or let it get to far didn't mean it was not cheating. And then....Jesus Harry I threatened you, I pretty much said i was going to tell people you where forcing me to-" Niall couldn't even say it. He was so ashamed of the way he handle things with Harry that day. He should have just walked away until he was in a better state of mind to have that fight with him.

"We both could have been better. You where young and in pain Niall, I shouldn't have given up on you so easily. I should have gone after Zayn not you. I should have stopped him for good as soon as I found out what he was doing." 

"Maybe we should just agree that we both could have done a few things a little differently then we did." Harry looks over to Niall giving him one small nod before turning back to look outside.

"I think us ending the relationship was the right thing to do. It seems like going away has done you so much good. Your life seems pretty stable and you seem to have matured so much Ni, so i'm glad you got to spend the past four years doing what you needed to do without me or anyone else holding you back." Niall does have to agree with that. If he had stayed here with Harry then he would never have met Maggie and Sonya, he never would have seen the places he saw and do the things he done with the new people he met. He was young and he was just starting this new exciting phase of his life so even though everyday without Harry was like punch to the gut he was glad he done it the way he did. He got to experience people and things a completely different way to how he would have if he had someone back home who he belonged to. 

It was a very strange mix of feelings to have. A massive amount of sadness and heartbreak over missing Harry but at the same time a bit of relief and freedom over the fact he could just be who he wanted to be. 

"Yeah, me to I guess." Harry stepped back from the window, hands going back into his pockets. Niall was not sure if this was the end of the conversation, if this was all Harry wanted to say. He didn't want Harry to leave yet though, he was just starting to really relax in his company. There was more he wanted to know about Harry and what he had been doing for the past four years. He just really was not ready to have him leave yet. Not when he didn't know if this was really it this time. 

"I know its late but did you want some food? I suddenly really fancy some nachos." Harry laughed looking down at his feet.

"Actually, that would be really good."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Where did you learn to cook? I mean of course you could always cook, like in the way that you knew how long to boil pasta and the perfect time for a pizza to be in the oven but where did you learnt to cook, cook?" Niall chuckles, arranging his homemade tortilla chips onto the plate around the small dish of guacamole he had made. Harry was next to him finishing up the salsa.

"In Italy actually." Harry glanced over at Niall for a second before looking back down at what he was doing.

"Yeah? Can you tell me about it?" Niall sighed, grabbing a bit of tissue to wipe at his fingers.

"Italy was actually always going to be where I ended my travels so by this point my money was getting pretty low and I knew I had to decide what to do. I was not ready to come home yet but if I didn't buy a plane ticket then my money would be gone and I would be stuck. My first day in Venice I met this woman called Daisy. She was British but had been living there for six years with her two children Bethany who was thirteen and Landon who was eighteen." Harry had stopped preparing the salsa, his body half turned to Niall as he listened.

"Daisy owned this really cute little restaurant right by the ocean, god it was so beautiful Harry you would have loved it. I spent most the day talking to her and once she found out I was a little lost with my decision making she offered me to come work for her, I could stay in her house with her and her kids rent free with food provided and in return I worked whatever shift she gave me for free. I saved her from paying someone a wage and she saved me from spending the last of my money until I knew what I wanted to do." Niall always thought Landon was the reason he nearly stayed in Venice for good, but really it was Daisy. She had taken Niall on like she was his own and it had felt so good to be in a real family home after he had felt like he lost his. Even though things where so good with his dad and even Lisa at this point he had still missed that feeling and it was amazing so have it back and with such a wonderful family.

"Not many people in the area actually spoke much English, which threw me off a little because I had always found so many people that could understand me. So I spent most of my time in the Kitchen washing up and dishing out the food in between clearing tables. Landon was the cook." Niall paused, not quite sure if Landon was someone he really wanted Harry to ask more questions about. Landon was not the first boy Niall had slept with since Harry,but he was the only one that meant something. The other boys he slept with where simply to just get off with, they looked good and he wanted to feel good, so he fucked them.

The first time Niall slept with someone was a month into his travels, in Amsterdam. He hated the memory of it so much. He had just laid there and let this boy he barely knew fuck into him until he finished, then he had pushed him away ran to the bathroom and threw up. 

It got easier after that time though and Niall just started seeing it as a way to get off, and its not like he was hurting anyone. He was single after all. 

But Landon he had gotten feelings for, and he was going to stay and start a life with him. 

"I'm guessing from this awkward pause and the look on your face he might have been a little more then just the cook." Niall let out a nervous laugh looking at Harry who was just simply smiling back at him.

"Its ok to talk about him Niall, I want to hear the story. Plus i'm not stupid, your young and good looking. I'm sure the boys where all over you." Niall blushes, quickly turning his attention to getting some more wine out of the fridge. 

"Right well, Landon was the cook so when I got bored he would show me some stuff. In the end I started helping him cook quite a lot so that was really nice. It was the most settled I felt for the whole time I was away. I think that's when I really healed you know, when everyday life was just fun. The boring stuff like getting up and going to work, cleaning, chores, errands, it all became fun and so easy." 

"Well I'm glad." Harry took the wine from Niall going over to their glasses to fill them up again.

"What happened then? To make you leave?" Niall kept his face turned away from Harry, focused on placing the Salsa into a serving dish and taking it all over to the table.

"Mostly it was to do with Landon. He wanted it all, and he deserved it because he is an amazing person Harry. He is kind and patient and sweet and funny. His whole life is dedicated to his mum and making her life as comfortable as possible, everyone loves him. I love him but I couldn't fall in love with him, and that was what he wanted. There is only so many times a boy will tell you he loves you and be happy with not getting a reply."

"Oh." Harry takes a tortilla and shoves it in his mouth with a loud crunch, looking at Niall like he is telling some massive love story. Niall shakes his head grabbing his wine. Maybe Harry really was over him if he could listen to this so easily, Niall would be in bits if Harry was telling him about some boy or girl he had been with while Niall was gone. 

"Yeah oh indeed. It got a little strained after a while, then Maggie, my publisher, found me and I guess I just saw it as a way out. So I packed up and left for LA, felt terrible leaving Maggie and Bethany behind but it felt right to be walking away from Landon. He needs to be with someone who can fall in love with him, give him all the things he should have in life."

"And that was all? He didn't want you to stay? Find a way to make you fall in love with him? I would have never given up or let you go." Niall shoves some food into his mouth to stop the reply that was on the tip of his tongue. Harry did give up on him and Harry did let him go. Niall being unable to love Landon was not actually the only reason things got hard between the two of them. Landon knew Niall was still in love with Harry and would drop everything if Harry made contact or somehow showed up and asked him to be with him again. Niall can't even imagine how that must have been for Landon, to love him like he did but see him still pining over someone else. He was not sure if telling Harry the truth was the best idea, they seemed to be getting on so well and a friendship was looking promising. But Niall wanted to know how Harry would react, because really Niall wants to know if they could be more again. He can't pretend for the next however long that he is not still in love with him. He could probaly get on with his life if Harry does not feel the same anymore, he could spend time with Harry and be friends if that is all he can have. But he can't never tell Harry how he feels.

"No that wasn't all really. I think he would have tried to get me to stay if he knew there was even a small chance I could love him. He knew it would be fighting a losing battle though. And he had put up with so much shit from me. The amount of time he walked in on my crying over your letter, I was supposed to be his boyfriend and he had to see me crying over that, how is that fair? That's not even the worse of it either." Niall takes another large gulp of his wine, hand shaking as he looks Harry in the eye.

"I lost count of the times I said your name while he was fucking me. He put up with that Harry, he let me cry out your name when he was the one that was....I was a horrible person to him really, he was right to let me go when I did." Harry eyes widen, his face flushing red, his chest heaving with his breath as he just stared at Niall. 

"There was nothing to give up really. Not when he knew I would never stop loving you to love him instead." Harry leaned back, his eyes blinking rapidly like he was trying not to cry. Niall's stomach felt like a rock had been dropped into it as he waited to find out if he just messed everything up between them. 

"You still loved me?" Niall smiles sadly, placing his glass down so he can rest his hand on Harry leg.

"I did, still do. I still love you. I'm still in love with you." Harry stands up, Niall's hand falling to the sofa as he frantically looks around. 

"I need to go." 

"What? Harry just stay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that." Oh god, he had fucked it all up. Maybe wine was not a good idea, maybe he wouldn't have been so lose lipped if he stuck with soft drink. Why did he even think Harry would be ready to hear that when they had only just seen each other again. They still had things to talk over and Niall is blurting out that he moaned his name during sex and was in love with him. Niall felt like an idiot. 

"I just need to think about that, thank you for taking the time to  talk with me." Harry is out the door like a shot leaving Niall standing alone in the middle of the room. He was not really sure how to feel. Harry's reaction defiantly made it clear to Niall that he no longer loved him back. He could deal with that though, he was sure he could. It was a scenario he had played out in his head many times before. Coming home and Harry no longer loving him, or Harry not wanting to see him or Harry being with someone else. He had prepared himself for this so it would be alright. He will just give Harry space and maybe they could talk again at some point. Niall can explain that he is fine with just being friends, that he can cope not having anything more with him. He has been really happy over the past four years, he can function without Harry and he can continue to. 

Niall is about to start cleaning up when there is a knock at his door. Which is just great cause Harry must have forgotten something and it's going to be the most awkward thing to ever happen. Niall glances around the room trying to spot Harry's phone or maybe a wallet, anything that he could have forgotten but there was nothing he could see.

Niall opened the door, stumbling back as Harry moves towards him kicking the door shut behind him with his boot. 

"I'm going to kiss you now."  
"Please." Niall gasps, hands already flying up ready to grab at Harry as he closes the space between them his hand wrapping around Niall's waist as he leans down and presses their lips together. Niall's fingers curl into Harry's hair as their lips move together, the soft strands felt so familer yet so different as he tugged at them to make the kiss deeper. Kissing Harry was everything he remembered it to be but more. He remembered the way Harry would get his heart racing but had forgotten how erratic it could get, like it really was going to come bursting out his chest. He remembered that he felt and tasted good but god did he forget the exact taste and smell and feelings that would fill his senses when Harry licked his tongue past his lips. He felt complete, like the last few bits of him that he had given up on trying to fix where slotting back together and working on making Niall perfectly whole again.

Harry backed Niall up until his back hit the wall his hands moving from his hips and running up, over his stomach. 

Niall had no idea what this meant, should probably push Harry away and ask. But he has wanted this for so long, had craved Harry's touch and never been able to satisfy it with anyone else. This could be just a one off, just Harry getting it all out of his system before telling Niall he can't be anything more then friends after. And he could live with that, whatever Harry wants is what Niall will except and he will live with it. 

This could be the last time he can have Harry this way and he is not going to waste it with asking questions.

The last time they made love, the morning when Niall told Harry he would no longer be traveling so he could stay with him, Niall had no idea it was the last time and he has always wished he could go back and take more time, take it all in so he could never forget. 

He breaks the kiss for a second to remove his own top, pressing his lips back to Harry's as quick as he can before he had time to think or talk. 

Harry's hands are back on Niall stomach straight away, moving up to his chest and over his shoulder as he presses him harder into the wall. 

Niall works on Harry shirt next, fingers shaking as he undoes the buttons one by one gradually exposing Harry's tan skin before sliding the material off his shoulder. 

He leans forward, wanting to feel his skin on Harry's, gasping into the kiss when a jolt goes down his spin and all the way to his toes. 

Harry makes the next move, popping open the button of Niall's jeans and unzipping them before sliding his hand down to rub at Niall's cock over his boxers.

Niall moans, lips leaving Harry's as his head falls back against the wall. 

Niall somehow manages to keep his head on straight enough to work at Harry's jeans, his hips grinding up into Harry's hand as he works the button, a continuous slur or moans and curses leaving his lips as Harry presses harder or curls his fingers in a gentle grip before releasing again. 

Niall pulls Harry's hands out of his jeans. Harry eyes ping open and he starts to protest but then Niall is dropping to his knees, fingers tucking into the waistband of his jeans and yanks them down in one notion along with his boxers until they are bunched up by his knees. 

"Oh, fuck." Niall licks around his tip, fingernails digging into the flesh of his hip as he tastes him.   
"God Niall" Niall flattens his tounge out and opens his mouth more before taking Harry all the way in, not stoppng until his nose is pressed into the soft hairs at the bottom of his stomach and he can feel Harry nudging the back of his throat. 

He does this a few times, slowly pulling back to lick and tease at the tip before taking it all back in, tounge swirling and tasting and feeling every ince that he can take, his own cock aching and desperate. 

Harry hooks his hands under Niall's chin gently easing him off his cock and helping him back to his feet. 

His hair is a mess from where he had been pulling at it, his face flushed red and he looked so beautiful Niall just wanted to fall to his knees again and cry because he gets to see him like this once more.

"Your bedroom?" Niall helps him get his underwear and jeans back up before grabbing his hand and practically running to his bedroom. 

Harry is on him again as soon as they enter Niall's room, the streetlight outside the only source of light as he backs Niall to his bed and pushes him onto his back. 

"This ok?" Niall nods starting to kick off his jeans, Harry doing the same. 

"You got lube?" Niall nods again just staring at Harry before realising he should probably be getting the stuff ready. He flips into his stomach ripping open the draw of his bedside table, reaching in to grab a condom and his bottle of lube, thanking God he put it in there instead of throwing it away like he was planning to do. 

When he gets back onto his back Harry is completely naked his hand slowly pumping himself as he looks down at Niall. 

Niall watches him for a moment. He can't believe this is actually happening, that this is how the night is going to end with Harry here in his bed. He is not sure if this is the best thing for them to be doing when there is probably a lot more to talk about and fix between them. When they should probably be starting from fresh and not jumping straight into bed. He would be beyond foolish to stop it though.

He parts his legs, enjoying he way Harry's eyes are darting about like he can't work out what part of Niall he wants to look at, then grabs the lube passing it to Harry. 

Harry's takes it and Niall notices for the first time that Harry seems to be shaking as much as he is. 

The bottle is half empty. Niall suddenly feels an overwhelming feeling of guilt when he thinks about the person who last used it, just about a week ago who meant nothing to Niall because he was not the man standing in front of him right now. 

Harry is looking down at it too, a sad frown on his face. Niall uses his elbow to push himself up, sitting until he can press a kiss to Harry soft stomach. 

"Don't think about it." He reaches up to take the lube back from Harry, flicking the cap open with his thumb. "Your the only one who has ever mattered to me Harry. The only one who I could ever love and have this mean something." When he looks back up he can see a tear rolling down Harry's cheek, but Harry is smiling so he thinks it alright. 

Niall shuffles back up the bed a little, pouring some of the lube on to his own fingers and spreading it about before reaching down and pressing one into himself.   
He breaths out, forcing himself to relax as he watches Harry watching him. Red swollen lips parted, his eyes frozen on Niall's finger pumping into himself. 

He blinks a few times, like he is coming out of a daze then slowly gets to his knees so he can kiss over Niall's thighs as he opens himself up. 

When he feels ready he moves around so he is laying with his head on his pillow, pulling Harry onto the bed and between his legs. 

He rips the condom packet open with his teeth, pushing Harry up a little so he can reach down and cover his length. Harry's eyes roll when Niall squeezes him slightly, giving him a couple of pumps with his fist before spreading some lube over him. 

Harry lowers himself again, grabbing Niall's legs, pushing them up until they are bent at the knees. His eyes never leave Niall as he lines himself up and slowly pushes into him.

Niall gasps, tears springing to his eyes and his hands reaching out to touch Harry as he bottoms out, hips digging into Niall's. 

Harry leans down to press his lips to Niall's and it's more breathing into each others mouths then it is kissing but it still feels so good to have his lips on his that he doesn't care. 

Harry rolls his hips slowly, one hand next to Niall's head and the other gripping onto Niall's waist hard enough that Niall thinks he will bruise. Any mark left on him by Harry could only be a good thing as far as he is concerned. 

"Oh god, ah Harry. Fuck, fuck harder please. Need to feel you, all of you please." Harry starts thrusting into him harder, soft little grunts leaving his lips and his hold on Niall getting even tighter as he fucks into him pushing moan after moan from Niall. 

The room fills with the sound of skin slapping and the constant 'uh uh uh' from Niall as he wraps his legs around Harry's back rolling his own hips downwards to get him to push deeper into him. 

"More, need more." Harry's slips out of him, breathing heavily as he gently moves Niall's onto his hands and knees before pushing back into him.

Niall cries out, the new angle making Harry go even deeper and brush against his prostate. 

"Yes fuck! There, fucking there Harry." Harry wraps his hand into Niall's hair and yanks his head back as he fucks into him harder leaning forward to bite and suck at his shoulder his hips never slowing down. 

"Your so tight, so perfect for me baby." Nialls wines at the pet name, gets the warmth pooling in his stomach like he did when he was sixteen.   
"Taking me so well. Nothing has ever made me feel as good as you." Harry pulls his hair harder until Niall lifts up off the bed his back going flat to Harry's chest.   
Harry reaches his free hand round Niall's front wrapping it around Niall's red, leaking cock.  
"I'm close baby. Want you to come with me." Niall nods, cries out Harry's name as he slams into his prostate again and again.   
"Now, Harry now." Niall can feel it building up. His stomach getting tighter and tighter as he waits for Harry to be there with him.  
"Almost." Harry pulls out again making Niall cry out a sob. 

"Face me." Niall legs are juddering so much that Harry ends up helping him to move and climb into his lap, legs either side of Harry waist. 

"Want to see you when you come." Niall wraps his arms around Harry shoulders fingers sliding up into the hair on his neck as he lowers himself onto Harry's cock. 

He starts off slow, building them both up and getting used to the new position but once he has adjusted and found the perfect angle to make sure his prostate is hit each time he builds up speed.   
"Just like that baby, such a good boy. Going to make me come so hard baby." Niall kisses Harry, sloppy around their moans. The pressure is building up against, his toes curling and his back arching as it grows more intense. 

"Harry, I'm gonna come, can't stop fuck!" Nialls body jolts, his hips still keeping up their rhythm somehow as he spills over his and Harry stomach, a sound he is sure he never made before coming from him so loudly he is sure his neighbours will think he is some freak. 

"Oh shit." Harry follows closely grunting and biting down on Niall shoulder as he spills into the condom.   
"Oh god Niall, oh god." Niall starts to slow down working Harry through his high before coming to a stop, body falling boneless into Harry. Harry lays Niall down, chest heaving as he gently pulls out and takes the condom off. 

"I love you. I love you so much Harry." Harry shushes him, kissing over his face as he drifts off to sleep emotionally and physically drained. 

Xxxxx

When he wakes up its light outside, his arse hurts like hell and his alone in bed. 

His stomach drops and his whole body turns cold as he tries to convince himself that he is fine with this. He knew last night could have been a one off. He will be fine. He is a successful grown man who does not need another man to be happy. 

He throws the blanket off, glad to discover that Harry had cleaned his stomach before leaving. Ever the gentleman. 

He greets his teeth as he bends down for his pants, the pain from him bum shooting up his back.   
It's been a while since he was fucked that hard. 

Once he is dressed and had his morning piss he hobbles his way to the Kitchen trying his hardest to not burst into tears like a baby. 

Once again, he was a successful grown man who did not need another man to feel happy. 

A very successful man.  
He has his dream job.  
He has family.  
He got Liam back.  
He does not need another man to be happy. 

He comes to a stop by the fridge staring wide eyes at Harry flicking through a takeaway menu Niall had thrown to the side the other day and forgotten about. He has two steaming cups sat in front of him.

"Your here." Harry turns to face him.  
"Where else would I be? I don't have work today."  
"Work? Were do you work now?"  
"Oh, a friend of mine works at a primary school. Can't believe I didn't mention it last night, I teach music there. Bloody love it."   
"A friend?" Harry nods, sipping from his drink.  
"Yeah I have them don't you know." Niall shakes his head walking over to Harry. This is so not the conversation they should be having. 

"But you stayed. I thought you had left, I have been giving myself this speech about not needing a man, but you're sat here in my kitchen." Harry laughs, turning in his seat until he can pull Niall between his legs. 

"Well I fully agree that you don't need a man, but I hope you want one. Preferably me if possible." Niall feels like running outside and singing and dancing in the street. He feels so bloody great right now they he is sure it will be like a scene from Disney and everyone and all animals will join in with him. 

"You want that?" Harry pushes his face into Niall's belly, giving it a loud kiss before looking up at him.

"We have a lot more to talk about and work through and it's going to take some time to get back to what we where. But I would very much like to try. I have been miserable as sin these past four years and I am still as deeply in love with you as I hope you are with me, I think we where meant to find our way back to each other. It's what Liam and Louis keep telling me anyway. Our little fan club." Niall sobs, his hands covering his mouth. 

"You mean it." Harry giggles pulling niallls hands away from his mouth so he can lean up to kiss him.

"Of course I mean it. You're my person Niall and you always will be, forever." Niall kisses him hard, not letting him pull away until he is worried he will suffocate.

"It might take some hard work but we will be fine won't we." Niall laughs, wiping away tears that are finally the happiest tears Niall has ever cried. 

"We will always fine me and you.Forever"

Niall's phone starts to beep as soon as he steps off the plane and into the airport. He doesn't even have to look to know he's being bombarded with emails and texts from his publisher and Agent. Both have been up his arse since his very last minute decision to come home. 

He understands that it's getting close to the release date of his new book, but he is pretty sure he does not need to actually physically be in LA for the release to happen. 

He gets his phone out anyway and unlocks it.   
Five missed called, ten emails and a some text messages that are full of angry faced emojis a few swear words and an awful lot of exclamation marks. Plus one random text from someone who does not understand what a casual hook up means. Niall rolls his eyes pocketing his phone again as he starts to look around for his dad. 

"Excuse me?" Niall turns towards the voice, putting on his best smile as a young girl nervously approaches him.  
"Yes pet?" She giggles, instantly flushing red.   
"Hi, sorry to bother you I just really love your books could you sign this for me?" Niall takes the pen the girl is offering him and a napkin that she had probably snatched from one of the restaurants when she noticed him.  
"Of course love, what's ya name?"   
"Umm it's Willow." Niall scribbles out a quick note signing his name with a kiss.   
"Here ya go. I hope you have a lovely day."   
"Oh wow." She takes the napkin back looking up at him with wide eyes. "Thank you so much. Thank you, bye!" Niall waves watching her walk back to what looks like her parents, shoving the napkin in their faces. 

He laughs, the familiar warmth bubbling in his chest that he always gets when he meets a fan. It was nice to not be famous enough that he was papped everywhere he went, but still had fans come up to him to chat or sign something. It was even better when he had time to really talk to them about his books and get their thoughts and opinions. 

When he turns back to resume his hunt for his dad he is met with the sight of him standing a few feet away, massive grin on his face holding a poster with Niall's name on and a bunch of balloons floating next to him.  
"Oh dear god." His dad's waving erratically, practically jumping up and down as Niall makes his way over to him.  
"Hey dad, ooff" Bobby pulls him into a tight hug hand cradling the back of his head.  
"You brought balloons."  
"Of course I brought balloons. I haven't seen my baby boy in person for four years and he is finally coming home." Niall scoffs but still turns his face into his dads neck to breath him in. He smells like home.   
"I will have you know I am twenty now Da. Fully fledged adult." Bobby releases him, stepping back as he takes him in.  
"You will still be my baby boy even when your forty. Especially if you keep insisting on staying away for so long." Niall grabs the string of the balloons chuckling to himself as they go over to baggage claim.   
"Did that girl ask for your autograph? You are so famous." Niall laughs watching out for his luggage.  
"I'm not famous dad. It's only happens sometimes."  
"Oh please let me enjoy myself. My son the bestselling author. Three times may I add. You're famous " Niall spots his bag so quickly lunges forward to grab it before it goes round again. 

He shoves his sunglasses over his eyes as the leave the airport, Bobby leading the way to his car.   
"Lisa is cooking up a right storm at home. That woman is somehow more excited then me to have ya back in London. Been chatting me ear off all morning about how perfect everything has to be." Niall smiles fondly thinking of Lisa back hone running herself ragged over his return.

Lisa and Bobby had official become an item two years ago. Niall couldn't have been happier, after countless Skye chats where even he could feel the bloody sexual tension between them. It was gross but rather adorable to see. 

It was surprising how right it felt to see his dad falling in love all over again. So right that he had convinced himself Lisa had been sent my his mum herself.  
It was definitely fate, Bobby losing his wife then finding Lisa. Lisa losing her son then gaining Niall, who made a pretty good further step son he thinks. 

"I guess it's about time I actually got to taste her cooking instead of just watching you two eating it while I stuff me face with takeaway." Bobby glances over at Niall, face rosy with happiness. 

"She did offer to teach you some of her recipes but you're a lazy sod." Niall rolls his head back against the headrests watching the world pass by outside the window.   
"I have missed you dad."  
"Missed you too son." 

Xxxx

Niall has brought himself a flat not too far from his dad's house and somehow managed to keep it a secret from his Agent who is normally so up in his business that he can't even take a dump without her texting to ask how it was.

He bloody loved her though, she was a saint. 

The plan was to spend today with his dad and Lisa and sleep in his old room just for tonight. Tomorrow he would be going to his new flat that Lisa had decorated and furnished with the help of some designer that Niall had never heard of before but Lisa had gushed about. He was just glad she enjoyed doing it, he didn't really care much about how it looked.

He didn't really know how he felt about moving back to London. He just knew it was time to come home and he had given himself the time he needed to move on from everything.

His mum's death had hit him harder then he really knew and it had taken most of the time away for him to be able to think of her and feel nothing but happiness at her memory and contentment with how he felt about it all. 

His agent and publisher had to deal with a few angry outburst before he got to that place. 

Harry. Harry is still something he struggles with, and after burying himself in other men for three years he just let himself accept that Harry really was the love of his life and he was just going to have to deal with the fact he was stupid enough to lose him. At least he managed to get three bloody good books out of it. 

He became a publish author completely by accident after a nosey girl sat behind him in a restaurant in Italy reading over his shoulders as he wrote.  
Nosey girl was in fact called Maggie and was on vacation with her friends.  
Maggie also happened to be a publisher who really wanted to read more of what was in Niall's notepad.   
He hasn't got rid of her since and she introduced him to his agent, Sonya. It hasn't really stopped since then and before he knew it three years had passed, he had three best selling books and he had set base in LA.   
Niall was living his dream. It just kinda sucked that he couldn't share it will the people he loved or had the balls to come home.

He did receive a message from Louis though, with a pictures attached of him holding his book up in Waterstones with a what the fuck face and a text in all capitals asking him to please explain.   
It was the one and only time he had contact with Louis for the whole four years he was away and it was probably the best moment of it all because it meant that Harry knew too. Harry had probably held his book in his hand and hopefully felt a little proud of him. 

"There is my beautiful boy in the flesh." Lisa is in Niall space as soon as he walks in the door all flapping arms and wet kisses to the face.  
"Hey Lisa." Sixteen year old Niall would never had imagined he would be so excited and so relived to be smothered to death by this wonderful woman.   
"Smells amazing in here." Lisa finally releases him, moving to fuss over Bobby even though he had only been out the house a couple of hours. 

Niall took this time to look around the house and get his bearings.   
Lisa had changed a few things A little bit of fresh paint and a few new pieces of furniture but it still felt so much like the home his mum made, something Lisa found very important to do. His mum was still an important part of this family, and so was Lisa's Son, pictures of both hanging around the house. 

Walking trough the front door finally felt like coming home.   
If he had to wipe away a few tears then who can really blame him.

"I cooked your favourite Niall, it will be ready soon but if you want to go up and get settled and freshen up you have time." Niall thanks her with a kiss on the cheek then grabs his suitcase heading for the stairs, slapping his dad on the shoulder as he passes.

Standing in his childhood bedroom was beyond weird.   
Lisa had given him fresh sheets and the curtains had been changed but it still screamed teenage boy. 

He noticed someone had removed the many photos he had blue tacked on his walls and made a note to thank them later (Most likely Lisa). He really was not ready to be faced with a wall of Liam and Harry smiling at him. 

He placed his suitcase on the bed to unzip it. He had just a small bag of dirty clothes that he had grabbed out of his laundry basket as he went so he threw that to the side to do later then grabbed out a simple outfit of jeans and T-shirt. 

He showers quickly, using his dad's stuff as he still had to go out and do some shopping for himself and the flat.  
Once he is dressed he decides to leave his brown hair to dry by itself not really caring much about it going puffy. 

By the time he gets downstairs and takes his seat at the table he can start to feel the tiredness seep in.   
He only just manages to keep up with the conversation, aware that his eyes keep drooping. Luckily he has spoken to Lisa and his dad multiple time everyday since he left so he didn't need to worry about staying awake for any big chats about what he has been up to. 

He falls asleep on the sofa seconds after Lisa has ushered him out of the kitchen and he has sat down. 

Xxxxx

When Niall wakes again its dark and quite in the house and he is suddenly filled with such a panic that he has to rush out into the garden before he throws up. 

"Alright son?" Niall startles at his dad's voice, frowning when he sees him sat in the swinging chair. He walks over to him taking the seat next to him.  
"What you doing up? What time is it."  
"It's only midnight, I don't tend to be in bed before then." Niall's head flops back against the soft cushion, enjoying the steady back and forward motion as his dad swings them.  
"Whats got you looking so panicked?" Niall shrugs then sighs rubbing at his face.   
"I'm gonna have to face them now I'm back. I'm ready to be back here you know. I think I could write some good stuff being here too, but I think even if I had been away for twenty years I still would not be ready to face them." Bobby nodded, looking thoughtful, Niall smiles knowing he was trying to think if something wise to say. Bobby is convinced with age comes more wisdom. 

"And who are these people your worried about?"  
"You know who dad."   
"But have you actually said their names since you left? Or have you just spent as much time as possible acting like they don't exist. Just say it out loud and see how it makes you feel." Niall already feels itchy, all over his skin and down his throat and it spreads over every part of him.  
He shifts in the seat, sending then rocking side to side for a second before the swing settles again. Sometimes he can feel their names. Like they are trying to claw their way up his throat so they can force their way passed his lips and he has to try so hard to keep them down because he doesn't know what would follow. It got worse when he started doing interviews for his first book, when everything seemed to be about them. To him at least.  
What inspired you to write this book?  
How did you think of the story line?  
Are the characters based of anyone in your life?  
What made you decide to stay in LA when your family is based in London?

He didn't tell anyone in LA to much about his life here in London, not even the people he had grown close to.

He was the only person who read the books and saw the faces, well him and maybe the people who inspired him. 

"Liam." Because that's the easiest one to say really. It still burns at his throat and stings at his eyes. 

"Harry" That one rips at his heart and twist his stomach up and up. It makes him bite down hard on his lip after saying it and turn his head away from his dad. 

"You let yourself recover Niall. You went away and you let yourself move on from your mum's death, you surrounded yourself with beautiful things and good people who gave you no reason to turn to other methods to cope. You grew up a lot and you learnt to deal with all the shit life could possibly throw at you. You became one hell of a man. But you have not recovered from the lost of your best friend and you have not recovered from this massive heart break you felt. That's because you couldn't find the closure you needed by being thousands of miles away, you need to be here for that. You need to face them and you need to talk and you need to move on that way. I think they need that too." Niall looked back at his dad, taking in all that he was saying. He was right of course. Running away and hiding for four years was not the way to deal with Liam and Harry.

He needed to be able to talk to them, say sorry for all the things he was sorry for. Take responsibility for all the hurt he caused. He needed to know what they thought of him now and where he stood with them. 

"I didn't tell you because it's very clear you never wanted to talk about them, but they come here again for dinner weekly. Like how your mum used to do. Harry and Liam." 

"They do." Bobby nods patting Niall on the knee.

"I don't know what you want to hear about them. Or what you want from then now, but they where a mess for a long time. Harry especially. And it's funny you know, because me and Harry never really spoke about the two of you and the relationship you had. He knew I knew of course, but I couldn't possibly sit down with him and talk about it. Sometimes he would disappear and I would find him stood in your room. He would just be standing there staring into space or he would be holding something of yours. I couldn't even be angry with him because it was so obvious that he really loved you Son, was still in love with you. I couldn't be angry at someone who felt that way about you." Niall wipes at his eyes, imagines of Harry in his room flooding his mind. 

"I still love him dad. I'm going to have to go see him and I still love him." What if Harry has moved on? Niall can't blame him if he has. He wrote in the letter that he would wait but he thought Niall was only going for a year, maybe two at the most. But Niall had not only stayed away for double that but he actually settled in LA. It was well know that Niall had a home and a life there so Harry most likely gave up and got on with his life. 

"I know you do, I've read ya books Niall and I am not stupid. Anyone who knows will see it written in them books. You can change the name of your characters but I know who they are supposed to be." They fall into a comfortable silence, Niall looking up at the stars and his dad looking at him.   
He knows Bobby still worries about him. He lost control of his life so drastically after his mum died so he can't really blame him. He was in a much better place now though, even if he was still heartbroken.   
He got up everyday with a clear head and a smile on his face.   
He had an amazing life. He was doing his dream job, he had an amazing family and he had money and a comfortable secure future. He was happy and he doesn't think he will be unhappy again.   
He just has a little bit of heartache with it all, but who doesn't. Life is good but it's not perfect and he can deal with that. 

"I didn't tell them you where coming home. Figured you might want to decide when you want them to know. Go see them only when you are ready." 

"Thank you. How do you think they will feel about seeing me?" Bobby blew out some air between his lips, clasping his hands together in his lap.

"I don't think anyone can actually answer that. Even they won't know until they actually see you. I don't think either are expecting you to ever come back so they will be surprised. Liam does ask about you from time to time so I don't think he is angry with you or anything, he might be happy. Harry I really don't know about. He doesn't ask about you and conversation is definitely kept away from you when he is about. You are going to have to find that one out when you see him. He seems happier then when you first left, he might have moved on." 

Niall closes his eyes leaning his head on his dad's shoulder who drops his own head to rest on Niall's.  
"I know. Maybe I will too one day." 

Xxxxxx

Lisa is positively beaming as she watches Niall look around his flat. He has obviously seen pictures of it when he found it online and his dad had video called him while he looked around with the letting agent, but he has not seen it since it has been decorated and furnished. Lisa was too keen to keep it a surprise and Niall liked seeing her so excited at the thought of doing it.

She and the designer had managed to get so much of Niall personality into the place.   
Lisa even remembered all his favourite quotes and had them framed along with the front covers of his books. 

The space was nice and open but still managed to seem comfortable and homely. 

The kitchen was out of this world amazing, and Niall could not wait to have his dad and Lisa over to sample some of the recipes he learnt whilst staying in Italy. Taught to him by a rather attractive boy that he was sleeping with, not that his dad needs to know that piece of information. 

Every room was just as he imagined it to be and he really was baffled that Lisa had gotten to know him so well over their dodgy Skype calls. 

"You like it all yes? All these faces you are pulling are good?" Niall walks over to Lisa, who is standing nervously in the living room area, and picks her up by the waist to twirl her around.   
"Its bloody perfect." Lisa laughs loudly, holding onto Niall's shoulders. She looks beautiful and young and happy and Niall is so happy that Bobby found her. And will probably never stop apologising for his behaviour towards her when they met. 

He was so in love with his new home.  
He loves that the kitchen and living area is all opened planned so he could still chat to his guest while preparing food or drinks. He loves how spacious his hallway was, given him enough room to be able to hang his acoustic guitar up when the rest of his stuff arrives from LA. He loves having a little office where he can go to shut the world out and write and make boring phone calls and email, meaning he can keep work life separate from everything else.   
And for his agent he has a spare bedroom because he knew she would go on about London hotel prices when he broke the news he was suddenly moving back home. She did of course, and a lot of other things that she is still texting to him. 

"Thank you so much for this Lisa, I hope it didn't take up too much of your time though." He gentle placed her back on her feet, grinning down at her as she reaches up to cup his face in her hands.   
"Nothing is too much work for you my darling. I loved every second that I spent helping with getting you back here. Thank you for giving me someone to look after again." Niall pulled her in to kiss her forehead just as his dad came stumbling through the door with a box. 

"Oh no don't worry about me, you two have your moment while the old man stumbles up three flights of stairs with a box full of bloody books. You write books now Niall could ya maybe stop reading so many of the blasted things now." Niall laughs rushing forward to take the heavy box of his dad placing it on the kitchen worktop. 

Apart from his stuff still in LA he was officially moved into to his new flat in central London.   
Walking distance to his mum and a very short bus journey to his dad's. And Harry's. 

Niall shakes the thought away going back over to Lisa and his dad.  
"So son, now your all moved in what's the next step? Having ya old man and young lady over for dinner?" Niall looks around, chewing on his bottom lip. When he walks over to his window he can see an amazing view of London. He was lucky enough to get a flat that was not surrounded by tall buildings and he could happily spend hours here in the future watching the traffic and the people go by. 

He could easily shut himself in the flat and keep himself away from the world. But he needs to make the last few steps to really make his life the best it can be. 

"I'm going to go see Liam today. That's the next step." 

Xxxx

Niall stands outside the university for a little over two hours before he heads inside to look for Liam. 

He wonders into the main courtyard, kind of knowing his way around from a couple of visit here with Louis.   
"Sorry mate." He stops a boy walking past by holding his hand out.  
"Do you by any chance know where a Liam Payne would be?"  
"Payno? Yeah he will be over in the art department I imagine, just head that way." Niall looks in the direction with a frown.  
"Art?"   
"Yeah, his bird practically lives over there so he does too." OK. Right then. Niall thanks the boy and head in the direction of the art block, wondering if this 'bird' is still Macy or someone else. 

The art block really is easy to find and it's extremely massive so he is not sure how easy Liam himself will be to fine inside it. He wonders the halls for a bit poking his head into different rooms, mostly receiving some confused looks when he just glances around the room then leaves. He receives one 'fuck off man' from one delightful looking girl. 

He hears him first, his loud laugh that sends a million memories flashing through his head. Curly haired puppy dog Liam with his head flung back as he laughs at something Niall has said or done. He has to stop for moment to take a few deep breaths to calm his nerves and his emotions then he rounds the next corner. 

He looks so different. Taller and wider and muscular. His curly hair is gone and been replaced with a darker buzz cut and he looks like an adult. His Liam looks like a man. How did he manage to forget that while he was growing so was his best friend. 

His preppy clothes have been replaced with some tight jeans and a baggy tank top, a stark difference to his chinos and button up shirt, all the way to his neck of course. 

He looks cool and he looks so happy. 

His smile and his heart double in size when he notices Macy tucked under his arm looking like such a perfect fit that they almost could be one person.  
She looks the same, the only difference is the bright pink streak in her hair. 

They are both chatting to another couple and Niall manages to just watch them for what feels like hours before Macy's head turns in his direction.   
She laughs at something Liam says and turns back to the conversation before her head suddenly snaps back to him. She stares for a few seconds before her hand smacks into Liam chest so hard that even Niall hears the thwack. Liam jumps, frowning down at Macy as he rubs the area.   
Macy's says something which has Liam looking even more confused, until Macy grabs his chin and forcefully turns his head to face Niall.

His face goes blank and he steps away from the group, his arm falling away from Macy but still hovering in the air a little. He blinks then shakes his head, like he is trying to work out if it is actually Niall stood in front of him.

Niall gives him a small smile, clutching his hands together to stop them from shaking. He is sure his knees are knocking together. He can't quite believe that after four years he is looking right at Liam. 

"Ni?" Liam takes a step towards him then stops, glancing over his shoulder at Macy who is looking between the two of them with wide eyes. When she noticed Liam looking at her she motions for him to go forward. 

"Hey Li." Niall finally speaks up, his voice wobbly and strained. He clears his throat, it feels like he has been stood her for a lifetime waiting for whatever Liam wants to do. Come talk to him or walk away. He will accept either but it needs to be Liam's choice so he stays standing in the same spot and waits. 

"You're here." Niall nods, a quick jerk of his head.   
"Just got back yesterday."  
"And your here? At my uni." Niall shrugs, mouth pouting out as he raises his hands up then let's then drop back to his side.   
"Is that alright?" Liam let's out a breathy laugh.  
"Is that alright? Is that alright? Fuck Niall. You're here." He rushes forward slamming into Niall who was completely unprepared for it so stumbles back a few steps, arms flinging around Liam's waist to keep them both up. Liam grabs the back of Niall's head with one hand the other slapping down on his back.   
"Holy shit you are actually here." Niall smiles into Liam's shoulders, because he is taller then Niall now some how.   
"You're happy to see me." He can't believe Liam is actually happy to see him. Liam laughs, the sound shaky in Niall's ear as he presses his forehead into the side of Niall's head his grip tightening and pulling him closer.   
"So happy. I never expected ..four years. Jesus Niall I bloody missed you."   
"I missed you too. So much, I'm so sorry."   
"Nothing to be sorry for, it's in the past. I'm just happy to see you I didn't think you would ever come back." Niall let's out a sob, squashing his face into Liam's chest, his fingers digging into his back. Never in all the scenarios that ran through Niall's head about seeing Liam again did he imagine getting such a warm welcome.   
He thought it would be cold and awkward and would take ages to even start moving towards a possible friendship.

This though, it feels like nothing bad had ever happened. 

"You have so much to tell me, there is loads to talk about. You are a freaking author Niall! I was so proud when I saw. Oh god you are actually here." Niall laughs, wiping at his face as Liam holds him out at arm length. 

"I can't believe you don't hate me." Liam's face softened.  
"I never hated you Niall. I was just angry, I was for a really long time but then you didn't come back and I just missed you."   
"I'm sorry. I just took longer then I thought to be OK again, I just wasn't ready to be back here." 

Macy walks up behind Liam, grinning and holding her arms out for Niall who happily stepped into them.  
"Hello beautiful." She giggled ruffling his hair.  
"Hey you, it's so good to see you two together again." Liam rolls his eyes, tucking Macy back into his side, where Niall imagined she spends a lot of time.   
"Well it's good to see you two still together, not that I should be surprised." Macy flushes bumping her hip into Liam's 

"Well I would be silly to let this one go, treats me like a princess. You will have to come over for dinner Niall so we can all catch up. Me and Liam live just of campus together now." Niall smiles but his mind suddenly floods with Harry at home alone. He thinks his dad would tell him if Harry had met someone and was living there. Did Harry like living alone? Was he lonely? If Niall never left would he have officially moved in? 

As if sensing his thoughts Liam clears his throat shifting awkwardly.  
"You going to go see him?" Niall winces. Liam mentioning him felt a lot worse then his dad.   
"I'm not sure. Can you not tell him I'm back? Just give me a couple of days to decide and then you can tell him. If that's OK."   
"Yeah sure. I think he will really want to see you though." He would? Niall can't imagine a world where Harry actually wanted to see Niall again. 

"We have to get to class. But my number is still the same, we will have you over or we can go for a pint. You're my best friend and we have never been for a pint." Liam yanks him back into a hug that is a mess of arms and giggles with Macy involved.   
Niall feels like he could be walking on a cloud with how well this went. 

"Fuck, I can't believe you're back."   
"I can't believe you still call me your best friend." Liam beams reaching up to tug at his hair.

"Don't be silly, we're brothers Niall and that's never gonna change. Thank god you stopped bleaching your hair mate." Niall swatted at Liam's hands laughing loudly as he tries to pinch as his nipple. 

This right here was a more surreal moment to Niall then when he saw his first book in the store. Probably a happier one too.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Niall did end up meeting Liam for a pint that same night and was now suffering a slight hangover for it.

He met some great people though and found himself partially attached to a live wire of a girl called River who is in one of Macy's art classes. 

He still can't believe that on his first full day back he and Liam where getting on like nothing bad ever happened and he had slotted so easily into Liam's group of friends. 

Luckily a visit to his mum's grave cleared his head well enough for him to look and act normal again.   
He was glad to see his dad had been keeping his mum looking nice and tidy and loved with fresh flowers. Her headstone had been put in while Niall was away and it was nice to see more then just the little wooden cross looking back at him.

After sitting and chatting with her, something he feels a lot more comfortable doing then when he was a kid, he stops in at a Costa before he goes home.

"Latte please." The girl behind the counter starts making his drink so he steps to the side to not be in the way off any other customers. 

He has bit even been stood there for five seconds when he hears his name.  
"Niall?" He freezes recognising the voice instantly. He swallows before slowly turning to face him.   
"Zayn?" His name comes out as more of a question because Niall is completely stunned to see Zayn stood in front of him with a girl about the age of three holding his hand and a tiny baby strapped to his chest.

"Yeah. When did you get back?" Niall can't stop looking from the baby to the girl, mouth dropped open. 

"Niall?" Niall's eyes snap to Zayn who looks so far away from the troubled teen Niall remembers him to be.

He looked so good and so happy.   
"Sorry. Yeah I'm back." Zayn smiles, his eyes crinkling and shining. The girl hides behind Zayn's leg a little when Niall looks back down to her, her hand sneaking under his top. 

"Oh god sorry,. Niall this is my daughter Rae, and this here is my little boy Elliott." Daughter? Zayn Malik had kids? This is probably the weirdest moment of Niall life. 

"Oh and this is my husband Matthew." A young man appears all blonde and supermodel looking, arms wrapping around Zayn's waist. 

"Matthew this is Niall." Matthew holds his hands out so Niall does the same, still in shock making his handshake limp.

How the hell has Zayn Malik got himself a husband and two kids?  
Zayn Malik.  
Zayn Malik who dealt drugs, spent most nights on the streets and shagged teachers in their fifties all while ruining Niall's life. 

"You look a little lost. Matthew maybe you should go take Rae to sit down, they have some of them crayons and books out that she like." 

"Ok. It was lovely to meet you Niall Zayn has said some lovely things about you, you must come out with us at some point." Niall watches Matthew walk off with Rae, helping her take a seat and get the crayons out the packet. 

His mouth finally closes when he looks back to Zayn who is cooing down at Elliott was is stirring a little. 

"Do you want to take a seat?" Everything about Zayn is just completely different to how Niall remembers. Even they way he talks, calm and polite is the opposite of what he was used to. 

"Yeah sure. Sorry for being so...just not what I expected." Zayn motions behind Niall, where his drink has been placed down. He grabs it thanking the girl who is no longer listening then moves to an empty table. 

Zayn sits down opposite him careful not to bang Elliott on the table as he gets settled. 

"You look different. What made you come back?"  
"Just time I guess. But your one to talk about different. Jesus Zayn you look like a different person. And married with kids. How did they happen?" Zayn chuckles, looking down at Elliott his face happy as he stokes a finger across his little fat cheek. 

"I went to rehab a few months after you left. I ended up in hospital after overdosing on heroine."  
"Shit."   
"Yeah it was. It was definitely a wake up call for me, and my parents. They paid for me to get into this really good rehab program. Matthew was this intern there, just handed out some medicine sometimes and done odd jobs around the place. I was really rude to him at first but obviously he fancied me so he kept doing all this stupid stuff to make me laugh. He brightened up most my days." Zayn glances over into the direction of his husband, eyes practically turning into hearts.   
"Anyway, after I left we ended up meeting up a few times and it just went from there. We fell in love, moved in together and got married a year and a half ago. We adopted Rae when she was two. Then my sister helped us with little Elliott here and he arrived four month ago." Niall leans over the table a little to get a better look at Elliott. 

He was a beautiful baby with a thick head of dark hair already, ridiculously long eyelashes and such soft caramel coloured skin. 

"He is so beautiful Zayn." Zayn sighs nodding his head in agreement.  
"They changed my life. Matthew and the kids. I've never felt this kind of love before, never thought I would be able to. When I think back to how I used to be. I will do anything to stop my children from having a life like that." He places a kiss to Elliott's forehead, his hand pressing into his little back. 

"What happened to Mason?" Zayn snorts loudly, shushing to settle Elliott after.   
"Oh god, I try to forget about that. Turns out I was not the only student he was sleeping with, not the youngest either. Last I heard he still had six years left of his sentence to serve." Well, couldn't have happened to a nicer man, Niall thinks as he sinks back down on his seat. 

"Well I guess I'm happy it all worked out for you in the end. Nobody deserves a miserable life. Even you." Zayn looks at Niall across the table, eyes searching his face before he speaks. 

"You where gone for so long because of Harry?" Niall shrugs, the sound of his name like a pin in his skin.  
"And other things. I was a mess, I needed time away to just be myself again. I would blame you but I let you get me there so." 

"I'm sorry by the way. You where right back then, I did push it all on you. I got you to that bad place and I didn't care that I was ruining things for you. I was a selfish kid and I just wanted someone to hurt like I was. It's something I regret everyday. I talked about you a lot in rehab, and to Matthew. Focused on being a bit more like you to help myself. I wish I never treated you like that, and purposefully messing things up with you and Harry. I hate that I done it. I hope you can forgive me one day." Niall sighed reaching across to feel the soft strands of Elliott's hair, then looking across the cafe at Rae who was chatting away to her dad who was talking back just as enthusiastically.

"How about you carry on being a good dad, maybe one of these days become a good friend and we say I forgive you." Zayn beams, grabbing hold of Niall's hand in his.

"I will. I will do both them things I promise. Thank you." 

Xxxxxx

Niall is not exactly sure what leads him to Harry's house after bumping into Zayn. But here he is, staring at the familiar front door of the Styles household.   
He has not idea what he is going to say and he has no idea how himself or Harry will react to seeing each other again.

All he knows is he left the coffee shop after speaking to Zayn and he just ended up walking here. 

He takes a few deep breaths before raising his fist to knock.  
His hand and arm are visibly shaking as he knocks so quietly he wonders if he done it in purpose, if there is a part of him that does not want Harry to answer so he can go home and leave it a few more days. 

He should go. Oh god he should have left it a few more days. He is not prepared. He has not thought over what he wants to say or how he wants to say it.   
What does he do if Harry hates him?  
What does he do if Harry starts shouting?  
Harry might not of wanted to see Niall ever again. He might have been happy for him to stay in LA and out of his life. 

This was a mistake   
How did he think coming here was a good idea?

He is just stepping back when the door is yanked open and Louis is revealed.   
He looks at Niall for a while, his eyes traveling down then up again, lingering on his hair for a while nose scrunched up. 

"Well you took long enough." Wait what?

"What." Louis rolls his eyes, tutting as he steps out of the house.  
"Well when you didn't come back after a year I thought fair enough he's got some shit to sort out, then when it was two I thought hang on what's happening here. Then I saw the book and I was like oh cool he is super busy living the dream I get it. Then three and then four and I'm starting to think this is getting silly now. Four years and he has not got his arse back here yet. But here you are. So took you long enough." 

"Why are you always so.....Louis." Louis shrugs petting Niall on the head.  
"No explanation really. You look cute. Get your butt in there, he is in the garden. I will give you a cuddle and go on about how much I actually missed you when I see you next. This is Harry time so I will go." Louis walks around Niall heading down the path to where his car is parked, how had Niall even missed that?

"Will he be happy to see me?" Louis stops, car keys swinging around his middle finger.   
"If you have to ask me that then do you even know Harry?" Niall just frowns because he is pretty sure he knows Harry really well but he has no idea about how this is going to go. Louis turns again.

"Just get in there hot stuff. I'm bringing a book for you to sign when I see you again, I may accidentally fan girl when you do it so don't judge." He throws up a peace sign then gets into his car. 

Niall shakes his head moving to step into the house, closing the door gently behind him. 

He is hit with every emotion under the sun as soon as he shuts the door on the outside world. 

Nearly all Niall's memories of his time with Harry are here, and there is no way to escape them. 

Apart from a few newer pictures of Liam on the wall nothing at all has changed.   
It's feels and smells the same.   
Niall closes his eyes taking in a deep breath, a tear falling as Harry's smell fills him. 

Oh god he has missed him.

If he thought walking through the uni for Liam was bad then he clearly had not thought about this moment enough.

He was barely breathing as he walked into the kitchen, legs so wobbly he has to lean against the wall for a second. The back door is open but Niall can't get himself to go over to it yet, to look out and see Harry. 

His hand covers his mouth when he see a pin board nailed to the wall filled with every postcard Niall had sent to Liam. He had done like he planned and kept Liam up to date on where he was for the first year of his travels, just in case they wanted him to come home. He never heard anything and had figured Liam threw them away, but here they where stuck on the wall for him and Harry to look at when they ate breakfast and had family meals.  
Niall was right here in this room all this time.  
Under the pin board is a small little table with three books piled together. Niall walks over to it, hand resting on top of the books as he looks over the board.   
He can't remember some of the postcards but most he can. He can remember the feeling he got when he posted them, the hope that this would be the one to make them call him back. 

Until eventually he was just doing it out of habit and he was not sure he even wanted to be asked back anymore. 

He stopped sending them once he realised he was not going to be coming home no matter what, no until he himself knew it was the right thing to do. 

In the corner of the board there is a small pictures pinned in place by a love heart pin. In the picture Liam is laying across Niall's back with his chin resting on the top of his head, both boys are grinning at the camera and Harry is next to them leaning over to be in the shot. 

Niall run his finger over the photo, squeezing his eyes shut to stop himself from crying.

"Oh my god." Niall keeps his back to him, can't turn to face him yet because he is not ready to see his face. Just hearing his voice is enough to make him want to drop to his knees so he grips onto the table head falling down to look at the books there. 

He has seen the covers of his books so many times, to the point that he might possible be getting bored of seeing them. He loves them here, in Harry's house. He loves seeing them in a place that is so important to him, a place that inspired most the words on the pages. 

"What.... Niall?" Niall lifts his head back up, still can't bring himself to look at Harry.

He was going to look so beautiful and it was going to tear Niall to pieces that he couldn't close the gap between them and kiss him. 

"Hi." Somehow he gets his voice to sound so much stronger then he feels which is good. Harry had probably got over him and he doesn't what him to know Niall is still so in love with him. 

"What are you doing...when did you get back?" 

"Thursday, so only a couple of days ago." He can hear Harry's feet shuffling across the floor followed by the tap, figures he must be washing his hands from whatever he was doing in the garden. 

"I didn't think-we didn't think you would ever-" Harry stops talking but Niall can hear him breathing, can feel him standing closer then maybe Niall would like him too. 

"Does Liam know?"  
"Yeah. I saw him yesterday, told him not to tell you." Niall looks back up at all the postcards, the very first one he sent from New York looking a little frayed and faded from where the sun had shone on it over the years and all the way to his last. Italy, where he nearly stayed because he thought he had found something that would let him move on from Harry. Well someone. 

"Can you look at me?" No. No I can't look at you because you are everything I want but can't have. 

He is going to look at him and it's going to be just like it was when he was sixteen. 

"Niall?" Harry's hand wraps around his wrist sending a jolt up his arm. He yanks it away a lot harsher then he intended to before spinning on his heel to face Harry. 

His hair was a lot shorter, curling just below his ears. A blue bandanna was wrapped around the locks to keep him out of his eyes, a piece of material that Niall is sure came from a t-shirt he left behind. He had a smear of mud on his cheek and another on his neck but he managed to still look so perfect. Niall has to dig his fingers into the palm of his hands to keep himself in check.

This is not his Harry anymore. This beautiful man in front of him is not his. It seems so strange to be stood right in front of him again, knowing what they used to be. What Niall messed up. It's too much. 

"I guess I just wanted you to know I'm back for good, so I will just leave now." 

"You don't have to leave." Harry frowns holding his hand out to stop Niall from moving.   
"I really think I should." He looks around for a pen and paper, remembers Harry used to always keep a stack of sticky note by the fridge to leave messages for Liam so skirts around Harry to grab one.

"Can I see you again?" Niall nods picking the pen up with shaky fingers.   
"This is my address. I still have a load of stuff to be brought over from LA so it's a little empty right now but maybe you could come over at some point." Harry takes the note from Niall, eyes wide as he looks down at it.

"Tomorrow. I can come over tomorrow, about seven?" Okay, yeah Niall thinks he can do that. He will have time to prepare himself mentally and he will be in a new setting away from all these memories. That might be easier. 

"Yes ok." He agrees far to quickly and will probably regret it later. Harry nods grinning at Niall, dimples popping out and his green eyes shining.  
How the hell was Niall going to survive having Harry in his flat?   
"Great, I need to go now. See you tomorrow." Niall leaves the kitchen and again the memories are like a slap in the face as he moves towards the door. The crying, the shouting, Niall's heart being torn apart. He rips the door open with more aggression then he means to, ignoring Harry as he calls out his name and slams the door shut behind him. 

He waits until he is a few blokes away to stop and lean against the wall and let himself cry. 

He is blubbering like a baby when he finally gets his phone out of his pocket and calls his dad to come pick him up.

Xxxxx

"It was a big step Niall, being back is going to bring you some bad days you must have known that." Niall is laying on his back on the sofa, his dad talking to him from the kitchen as he makes them a cuppa. 

"Yeah I know. But it was stupid of me to just go there without any plan. I just turned up then acted like an idiot dad." Bobby placed Niall's drink down lifting his feet up to take a seat. 

"I imagine it was a hard thing for the both of you. But he is coming over tomorrow night so you can be more ready and see what he has to say." Niall sighed pulling himself to sit upright.

"I don't know, it was really hard to see him in person. It could just end up being a disaster. Why did I even invite him here? It's going to be so intimate just the two of us. I should have said to meet at a coffee shop or something." Why is he such an idiot.   
The words just flew out of his mouth before he brain could comprehend what a bad idea it was. 

"Can I just ask, what exactly do you want to come of this Niall? Are you just going to clear the air and move on with your life? Be friends with him? Do you want to date him again?" Niall didn't even have to think about that one.

"I'm still in love with him dad, I want him in my life and I will take it in any form I can. Be it friend or boyfriend or best friend's dad. I just want him back in my life. I have managed to move on from everything but not him. That is why today was a bad idea, I'm not going to get him back if I'm acting like a psycho."

"Oh come on it was not that bad surely. He wanted to see you again. I'm sure he understood. The bloke was in bits after you left and it took him ages to go back to his normal self. Trust me he wants what you want and tomorrow is going to go great." Niall reaches over for his tea, poking his dad's leg with his toe.

"Thanks by the way, you have been really easy to talk to since I got back. And thank you for being so supportive of my feelings for Harry. You have every right to be angry about that." Bobby shrugs. 

"Like I said any man who loves you the way he did or might still has my approval. He is a good man. Plus your a man yourself now and I trust you to make the right choices, always have done." 

"Love you, you soppy git." Bobby beams sipping from his mug.

"Love you too. And you will be great tomorrow." 

Xxxxx

Niall runs back into his bedroom for the tenth time in the past half an hour to check his appearance again. 

He had opted for some black skinny jeans because they always make him look good and a thin blue jumper. His hair had been styled into a quiff, something he hasn't actually been bothered to do for a long time so he was feeling rather fancy.   
He wanted to look good but was aware that he needed to look like he didn't make an effort.  
This wasn't a date, this was just for them to talk. 

He is snapped out of his mild panic by a soft knocking on his door.   
"Oh god." He takes one more look at himself, smoothing down his jumper before walking towards the door as slow as he could get away with.  
"Oh god, oh god, oh gosh oh god." He checked his hair again then opened the door to a nervous looking Harry holding a plant. Niall's heart leaps out of his mouth and his stomach drops out his ass with how good he looks. 

"Hey, come in." Niall steps to the side as Harry walks into his flat, looking around before focusing back in Niall.   
"I got you this plant, not really sure what it is but the lady in the shop said it only needs watering a couple of times a week and I was not sure how busy you get so, yeah." Niall takes the plant from him staring down at it before turning and placing it down on the worktop.   
Thank you." Harry cleared his throat nodding his head. 

"It's really weird, to have you standing right here. I didn't think you where ever coming back to be honest." 

"Yeah? Guess its weird for me too, to be home and to see everyone again." Niall wrings his hands together, the atmosphere so tense and thick. Harry looks to be feeling the same, hand by his mouth as he pulls at his lip. 

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Niall blurts out suddenly, face heating up. "I was not really planning on coming to see you, I just ended up there. I don't think I was actually ready so that's why I acted like, well an idiot really." 

"It's fine, to be expected. Like i said this is weird, and its kind of hard but obviously it needs to be done. We have things to talk about. You feel ready to do that?" Niall nods, motioning for Harry to take a seat on the sofa.

"Yes, yes for sure." No not at all, please kill me. "Please sit down, Would you like a drink? I have cola or squash? Tea and maybe even some wine!" Harry takes a seat, looking around as he settles.

"Actually if you have wine that would be amazing, don't know about you but alcohol would be good right about now." Niall huffs out a laugh, feeling a little more at ease knowing Harry is finding this as hard as he is. 

He thankfully does have some wine left, a really nice bottle that Lisa had put in the fridge for him yesterday. He had a feeling he would often find some treats hidden away in the place from her and he had no problem with it at all.

"This is a really nice place Niall, are you renting?" Niall grabs two wine glasses down from the cupboard, unscrewing the cap on the bottle.

"No I brought it, figured I might as well make the investment as my move was a permanent one. I will still keep my house in LA though, but will rent it out as a holiday home while I am not there. or give it to my Agent so she doesn't stay so pissed at me." He is surprised at the ease of the conversation, there was still tension and they defiantly where nowhere near as relaxed as they could be. He could talk with him though so that's a good sign. When he makes his way back over to Harry he is looking at him weirdly.

"What?" Harry takes the glass from him, shaking his head.

"Nothing, sorry. You just sound so grown up, and you're buying properties and talking about good investments. Its the kind of stuff me and Lou used to talk about and you would call us old and boring." 

"Well, guess I got boring then." Niall takes his own sip before placing the glass down on the coffee table. 

"So what do you want to talk about first?" Harry looks down, finger running around the rim of his glass.

"Well I guess to start with I should say congratulations on the books. I was so proud when I saw Niall, books with your name on in shops. It's crazy." Niall's blush gets darker. 

"Thank you." 

"And we got all the postcards so it seems the traveling went well. Was it everything you hoped?"

"Yes, god yes. I can't even imagine where I would be right now if i had not of gone. It saved me you know? Being out there and seeing all this amazing stuff. It really knocked some sense into me and made me reevaluate my life and what was important to me. It helped me heal and it helped me to grow." Harry smile is warm as he looks at Niall, green eyes wide and so beautiful Niall could cry. 

"I can tell, there is something about you now. I can't really explain it but it's really good, I'm really glad you done what you needed to do. Do you have a favourite place?" 

"Well I think each place holds something a little special to me, but my trip to Venice was definitely the turning point. I actually ended up staying for a lot longer then I planned. Almost stayed there actually, and it's were my publisher meet me so yeah. Italy would probably be my answer if I had to pick one it's such a beautiful place." Harry hums in agreement drinking more of his wine, both of them falling into silence. 

Niall shifts in his seat and turns away from Harry slightly, suddenly aware that he had been watching Harry's lips as he drank. Definitely not the right time to drool over him really. 

"How has everything been for you? Is the shop still going well?" Harry's face drops and he places his glass down on the table before standing up and walking over to the window hands shoved in his back pockets as he looked out. Niall tried not to look at the way his back muscles tensed under his thin shirt.

"I had to close the shop actually."   
"What? Why?" For as long as Niall had known Harry the music shop had been his pride and joy. Him and Rebecca had worked hard together to get it opened up and getting it as popular as it was. 

There had been quite a few music shops dotted around London when Niall had first moved to the city, but Harry's was the only one that had managed to really stay successful. 

He thought the shop would have been apart of Harry for all his life, had always imagined Liam taking it over for him when he had to. 

"Well turns out when you ignore your business for a year because your so heartbroken over some boy it becomes pretty impossible to rescue it." Nialls shoulders slump, his head falling into his hands. He felt terrible for being the reason Harry lost something else that he loved. Another small part of his wife.

"Harry, I'm so sorry. I messed so much stuff up." Harry laughed, the sound loud and bitter in Niall's ears. 

"It's not really your fault. I'm an adult and I had responsibilities that I shouldn't have ignored just because I was sad. I'm the only one to blame. I was acting like some love sick idiot, thinking you weren't going to go, then thinking you would be back. I left you Niall, I broke up with you and threw you out of my house and cut you out of both mine and Liam's life. Then I just sat around getting myself all depressed because you left. I mean who does that?" The sound of Harry voice breaking has Niall lifting his head back up to look at him, his own throat getting tight. Harry take a few deep breaths, hand raising to his mouth so he can bite down in his finger as he sorts himself out. 

"I had no right to be but I was angry that you left and I just got worse with each day and I just ignored everything. I didn't pay for the stock that was still being delivered because I didn't cancel them, I wasn't paying the bills. You didn't do anything wrong." 

"Maybe not to do with that no." Niall got up, walking across the room to stand next to Harry. It was getting darker outside now, but Niall hadn't wanted to close the curtains because it made everything feel more private, more intimate then he was ready to feel around Harry.   
"But I did so much wrong that led up to that point. I made a promise to you that I really wanted to keep. And I did cheat, just because I didn't touch him or let it get to far didn't mean it was not cheating. And then....Jesus Harry I threatened you, I pretty much said i was going to tell people you where forcing me to-" Niall couldn't even say it. He was so ashamed of the way he handle things with Harry that day. He should have just walked away until he was in a better state of mind to have that fight with him.

"We both could have been better. You where young and in pain Niall, I shouldn't have given up on you so easily. I should have gone after Zayn not you. I should have stopped him for good as soon as I found out what he was doing." 

"Maybe we should just agree that we both could have done a few things a little differently then we did." Harry looks over to Niall giving him one small nod before turning back to look outside.

"I think us ending the relationship was the right thing to do. It seems like going away has done you so much good. Your life seems pretty stable and you seem to have matured so much Ni, so i'm glad you got to spend the past four years doing what you needed to do without me or anyone else holding you back." Niall does have to agree with that. If he had stayed here with Harry then he would never have met Maggie and Sonya, he never would have seen the places he saw and do the things he done with the new people he met. He was young and he was just starting this new exciting phase of his life so even though everyday without Harry was like punch to the gut he was glad he done it the way he did. He got to experience people and things a completely different way to how he would have if he had someone back home who he belonged to. 

It was a very strange mix of feelings to have. A massive amount of sadness and heartbreak over missing Harry but at the same time a bit of relief and freedom over the fact he could just be who he wanted to be. 

"Yeah, me to I guess." Harry stepped back from the window, hands going back into his pockets. Niall was not sure if this was the end of the conversation, if this was all Harry wanted to say. He didn't want Harry to leave yet though, he was just starting to really relax in his company. There was more he wanted to know about Harry and what he had been doing for the past four years. He just really was not ready to have him leave yet. Not when he didn't know if this was really it this time. 

"I know its late but did you want some food? I suddenly really fancy some nachos." Harry laughed looking down at his feet.

"Actually, that would be really good."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Where did you learn to cook? I mean of course you could always cook, like in the way that you knew how long to boil pasta and the perfect time for a pizza to be in the oven but where did you learnt to cook, cook?" Niall chuckles, arranging his homemade tortilla chips onto the plate around the small dish of guacamole he had made. Harry was next to him finishing up the salsa.

"In Italy actually." Harry glanced over at Niall for a second before looking back down at what he was doing.

"Yeah? Can you tell me about it?" Niall sighed, grabbing a bit of tissue to wipe at his fingers.

"Italy was actually always going to be where I ended my travels so by this point my money was getting pretty low and I knew I had to decide what to do. I was not ready to come home yet but if I didn't buy a plane ticket then my money would be gone and I would be stuck. My first day in Venice I met this woman called Daisy. She was British but had been living there for six years with her two children Bethany who was thirteen and Landon who was eighteen." Harry had stopped preparing the salsa, his body half turned to Niall as he listened.

"Daisy owned this really cute little restaurant right by the ocean, god it was so beautiful Harry you would have loved it. I spent most the day talking to her and once she found out I was a little lost with my decision making she offered me to come work for her, I could stay in her house with her and her kids rent free with food provided and in return I worked whatever shift she gave me for free. I saved her from paying someone a wage and she saved me from spending the last of my money until I knew what I wanted to do." Niall always thought Landon was the reason he nearly stayed in Venice for good, but really it was Daisy. She had taken Niall on like she was his own and it had felt so good to be in a real family home after he had felt like he lost his. Even though things where so good with his dad and even Lisa at this point he had still missed that feeling and it was amazing so have it back and with such a wonderful family.

"Not many people in the area actually spoke much English, which threw me off a little because I had always found so many people that could understand me. So I spent most of my time in the Kitchen washing up and dishing out the food in between clearing tables. Landon was the cook." Niall paused, not quite sure if Landon was someone he really wanted Harry to ask more questions about. Landon was not the first boy Niall had slept with since Harry,but he was the only one that meant something. The other boys he slept with where simply to just get off with, they looked good and he wanted to feel good, so he fucked them.

The first time Niall slept with someone was a month into his travels, in Amsterdam. He hated the memory of it so much. He had just laid there and let this boy he barely knew fuck into him until he finished, then he had pushed him away ran to the bathroom and threw up. 

It got easier after that time though and Niall just started seeing it as a way to get off, and its not like he was hurting anyone. He was single after all. 

But Landon he had gotten feelings for, and he was going to stay and start a life with him. 

"I'm guessing from this awkward pause and the look on your face he might have been a little more then just the cook." Niall let out a nervous laugh looking at Harry who was just simply smiling back at him.

"Its ok to talk about him Niall, I want to hear the story. Plus i'm not stupid, your young and good looking. I'm sure the boys where all over you." Niall blushes, quickly turning his attention to getting some more wine out of the fridge. 

"Right well, Landon was the cook so when I got bored he would show me some stuff. In the end I started helping him cook quite a lot so that was really nice. It was the most settled I felt for the whole time I was away. I think that's when I really healed you know, when everyday life was just fun. The boring stuff like getting up and going to work, cleaning, chores, errands, it all became fun and so easy." 

"Well I'm glad." Harry took the wine from Niall going over to their glasses to fill them up again.

"What happened then? To make you leave?" Niall kept his face turned away from Harry, focused on placing the Salsa into a serving dish and taking it all over to the table.

"Mostly it was to do with Landon. He wanted it all, and he deserved it because he is an amazing person Harry. He is kind and patient and sweet and funny. His whole life is dedicated to his mum and making her life as comfortable as possible, everyone loves him. I love him but I couldn't fall in love with him, and that was what he wanted. There is only so many times a boy will tell you he loves you and be happy with not getting a reply."

"Oh." Harry takes a tortilla and shoves it in his mouth with a loud crunch, looking at Niall like he is telling some massive love story. Niall shakes his head grabbing his wine. Maybe Harry really was over him if he could listen to this so easily, Niall would be in bits if Harry was telling him about some boy or girl he had been with while Niall was gone. 

"Yeah oh indeed. It got a little strained after a while, then Maggie, my publisher, found me and I guess I just saw it as a way out. So I packed up and left for LA, felt terrible leaving Maggie and Bethany behind but it felt right to be walking away from Landon. He needs to be with someone who can fall in love with him, give him all the things he should have in life."

"And that was all? He didn't want you to stay? Find a way to make you fall in love with him? I would have never given up or let you go." Niall shoves some food into his mouth to stop the reply that was on the tip of his tongue. Harry did give up on him and Harry did let him go. Niall being unable to love Landon was not actually the only reason things got hard between the two of them. Landon knew Niall was still in love with Harry and would drop everything if Harry made contact or somehow showed up and asked him to be with him again. Niall can't even imagine how that must have been for Landon, to love him like he did but see him still pining over someone else. He was not sure if telling Harry the truth was the best idea, they seemed to be getting on so well and a friendship was looking promising. But Niall wanted to know how Harry would react, because really Niall wants to know if they could be more again. He can't pretend for the next however long that he is not still in love with him. He could probaly get on with his life if Harry does not feel the same anymore, he could spend time with Harry and be friends if that is all he can have. But he can't never tell Harry how he feels.

"No that wasn't all really. I think he would have tried to get me to stay if he knew there was even a small chance I could love him. He knew it would be fighting a losing battle though. And he had put up with so much shit from me. The amount of time he walked in on my crying over your letter, I was supposed to be his boyfriend and he had to see me crying over that, how is that fair? That's not even the worse of it either." Niall takes another large gulp of his wine, hand shaking as he looks Harry in the eye.

"I lost count of the times I said your name while he was fucking me. He put up with that Harry, he let me cry out your name when he was the one that was....I was a horrible person to him really, he was right to let me go when I did." Harry eyes widen, his face flushing red, his chest heaving with his breath as he just stared at Niall. 

"There was nothing to give up really. Not when he knew I would never stop loving you to love him instead." Harry leaned back, his eyes blinking rapidly like he was trying not to cry. Niall's stomach felt like a rock had been dropped into it as he waited to find out if he just messed everything up between them. 

"You still loved me?" Niall smiles sadly, placing his glass down so he can rest his hand on Harry leg.

"I did, still do. I still love you. I'm still in love with you." Harry stands up, Niall's hand falling to the sofa as he frantically looks around. 

"I need to go." 

"What? Harry just stay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that." Oh god, he had fucked it all up. Maybe wine was not a good idea, maybe he wouldn't have been so lose lipped if he stuck with soft drink. Why did he even think Harry would be ready to hear that when they had only just seen each other again. They still had things to talk over and Niall is blurting out that he moaned his name during sex and was in love with him. Niall felt like an idiot. 

"I just need to think about that, thank you for taking the time to  talk with me." Harry is out the door like a shot leaving Niall standing alone in the middle of the room. He was not really sure how to feel. Harry's reaction defiantly made it clear to Niall that he no longer loved him back. He could deal with that though, he was sure he could. It was a scenario he had played out in his head many times before. Coming home and Harry no longer loving him, or Harry not wanting to see him or Harry being with someone else. He had prepared himself for this so it would be alright. He will just give Harry space and maybe they could talk again at some point. Niall can explain that he is fine with just being friends, that he can cope not having anything more with him. He has been really happy over the past four years, he can function without Harry and he can continue to. 

Niall is about to start cleaning up when there is a knock at his door. Which is just great cause Harry must have forgotten something and it's going to be the most awkward thing to ever happen. Niall glances around the room trying to spot Harry's phone or maybe a wallet, anything that he could have forgotten but there was nothing he could see.

Niall opened the door, stumbling back as Harry moves towards him kicking the door shut behind him with his boot. 

"I'm going to kiss you now."  
"Please." Niall gasps, hands already flying up ready to grab at Harry as he closes the space between them his hand wrapping around Niall's waist as he leans down and presses their lips together. Niall's fingers curl into Harry's hair as their lips move together, the soft strands felt so familer yet so different as he tugged at them to make the kiss deeper. Kissing Harry was everything he remembered it to be but more. He remembered the way Harry would get his heart racing but had forgotten how erratic it could get, like it really was going to come bursting out his chest. He remembered that he felt and tasted good but god did he forget the exact taste and smell and feelings that would fill his senses when Harry licked his tongue past his lips. He felt complete, like the last few bits of him that he had given up on trying to fix where slotting back together and working on making Niall perfectly whole again.

Harry backed Niall up until his back hit the wall his hands moving from his hips and running up, over his stomach. 

Niall had no idea what this meant, should probably push Harry away and ask. But he has wanted this for so long, had craved Harry's touch and never been able to satisfy it with anyone else. This could be just a one off, just Harry getting it all out of his system before telling Niall he can't be anything more then friends after. And he could live with that, whatever Harry wants is what Niall will except and he will live with it. 

This could be the last time he can have Harry this way and he is not going to waste it with asking questions.

The last time they made love, the morning when Niall told Harry he would no longer be traveling so he could stay with him, Niall had no idea it was the last time and he has always wished he could go back and take more time, take it all in so he could never forget. 

He breaks the kiss for a second to remove his own top, pressing his lips back to Harry's as quick as he can before he had time to think or talk. 

Harry's hands are back on Niall stomach straight away, moving up to his chest and over his shoulder as he presses him harder into the wall. 

Niall works on Harry shirt next, fingers shaking as he undoes the buttons one by one gradually exposing Harry's tan skin before sliding the material off his shoulder. 

He leans forward, wanting to feel his skin on Harry's, gasping into the kiss when a jolt goes down his spin and all the way to his toes. 

Harry makes the next move, popping open the button of Niall's jeans and unzipping them before sliding his hand down to rub at Niall's cock over his boxers.

Niall moans, lips leaving Harry's as his head falls back against the wall. 

Niall somehow manages to keep his head on straight enough to work at Harry's jeans, his hips grinding up into Harry's hand as he works the button, a continuous slur or moans and curses leaving his lips as Harry presses harder or curls his fingers in a gentle grip before releasing again. 

Niall pulls Harry's hands out of his jeans. Harry eyes ping open and he starts to protest but then Niall is dropping to his knees, fingers tucking into the waistband of his jeans and yanks them down in one notion along with his boxers until they are bunched up by his knees. 

"Oh, fuck." Niall licks around his tip, fingernails digging into the flesh of his hip as he tastes him.   
"God Niall" Niall flattens his tounge out and opens his mouth more before taking Harry all the way in, not stoppng until his nose is pressed into the soft hairs at the bottom of his stomach and he can feel Harry nudging the back of his throat. 

He does this a few times, slowly pulling back to lick and tease at the tip before taking it all back in, tounge swirling and tasting and feeling every ince that he can take, his own cock aching and desperate. 

Harry hooks his hands under Niall's chin gently easing him off his cock and helping him back to his feet. 

His hair is a mess from where he had been pulling at it, his face flushed red and he looked so beautiful Niall just wanted to fall to his knees again and cry because he gets to see him like this once more.

"Your bedroom?" Niall helps him get his underwear and jeans back up before grabbing his hand and practically running to his bedroom. 

Harry is on him again as soon as they enter Niall's room, the streetlight outside the only source of light as he backs Niall to his bed and pushes him onto his back. 

"This ok?" Niall nods starting to kick off his jeans, Harry doing the same. 

"You got lube?" Niall nods again just staring at Harry before realising he should probably be getting the stuff ready. He flips into his stomach ripping open the draw of his bedside table, reaching in to grab a condom and his bottle of lube, thanking God he put it in there instead of throwing it away like he was planning to do. 

When he gets back onto his back Harry is completely naked his hand slowly pumping himself as he looks down at Niall. 

Niall watches him for a moment. He can't believe this is actually happening, that this is how the night is going to end with Harry here in his bed. He is not sure if this is the best thing for them to be doing when there is probably a lot more to talk about and fix between them. When they should probably be starting from fresh and not jumping straight into bed. He would be beyond foolish to stop it though.

He parts his legs, enjoying he way Harry's eyes are darting about like he can't work out what part of Niall he wants to look at, then grabs the lube passing it to Harry. 

Harry's takes it and Niall notices for the first time that Harry seems to be shaking as much as he is. 

The bottle is half empty. Niall suddenly feels an overwhelming feeling of guilt when he thinks about the person who last used it, just about a week ago who meant nothing to Niall because he was not the man standing in front of him right now. 

Harry is looking down at it too, a sad frown on his face. Niall uses his elbow to push himself up, sitting until he can press a kiss to Harry soft stomach. 

"Don't think about it." He reaches up to take the lube back from Harry, flicking the cap open with his thumb. "Your the only one who has ever mattered to me Harry. The only one who I could ever love and have this mean something." When he looks back up he can see a tear rolling down Harry's cheek, but Harry is smiling so he thinks it alright. 

Niall shuffles back up the bed a little, pouring some of the lube on to his own fingers and spreading it about before reaching down and pressing one into himself.   
He breaths out, forcing himself to relax as he watches Harry watching him. Red swollen lips parted, his eyes frozen on Niall's finger pumping into himself. 

He blinks a few times, like he is coming out of a daze then slowly gets to his knees so he can kiss over Niall's thighs as he opens himself up. 

When he feels ready he moves around so he is laying with his head on his pillow, pulling Harry onto the bed and between his legs. 

He rips the condom packet open with his teeth, pushing Harry up a little so he can reach down and cover his length. Harry's eyes roll when Niall squeezes him slightly, giving him a couple of pumps with his fist before spreading some lube over him. 

Harry lowers himself again, grabbing Niall's legs, pushing them up until they are bent at the knees. His eyes never leave Niall as he lines himself up and slowly pushes into him.

Niall gasps, tears springing to his eyes and his hands reaching out to touch Harry as he bottoms out, hips digging into Niall's. 

Harry leans down to press his lips to Niall's and it's more breathing into each others mouths then it is kissing but it still feels so good to have his lips on his that he doesn't care. 

Harry rolls his hips slowly, one hand next to Niall's head and the other gripping onto Niall's waist hard enough that Niall thinks he will bruise. Any mark left on him by Harry could only be a good thing as far as he is concerned. 

"Oh god, ah Harry. Fuck, fuck harder please. Need to feel you, all of you please." Harry starts thrusting into him harder, soft little grunts leaving his lips and his hold on Niall getting even tighter as he fucks into him pushing moan after moan from Niall. 

The room fills with the sound of skin slapping and the constant 'uh uh uh' from Niall as he wraps his legs around Harry's back rolling his own hips downwards to get him to push deeper into him. 

"More, need more." Harry's slips out of him, breathing heavily as he gently moves Niall's onto his hands and knees before pushing back into him.

Niall cries out, the new angle making Harry go even deeper and brush against his prostate. 

"Yes fuck! There, fucking there Harry." Harry wraps his hand into Niall's hair and yanks his head back as he fucks into him harder leaning forward to bite and suck at his shoulder his hips never slowing down. 

"Your so tight, so perfect for me baby." Nialls wines at the pet name, gets the warmth pooling in his stomach like he did when he was sixteen.   
"Taking me so well. Nothing has ever made me feel as good as you." Harry pulls his hair harder until Niall lifts up off the bed his back going flat to Harry's chest.   
Harry reaches his free hand round Niall's front wrapping it around Niall's red, leaking cock.  
"I'm close baby. Want you to come with me." Niall nods, cries out Harry's name as he slams into his prostate again and again.   
"Now, Harry now." Niall can feel it building up. His stomach getting tighter and tighter as he waits for Harry to be there with him.  
"Almost." Harry pulls out again making Niall cry out a sob. 

"Face me." Niall legs are juddering so much that Harry ends up helping him to move and climb into his lap, legs either side of Harry waist. 

"Want to see you when you come." Niall wraps his arms around Harry shoulders fingers sliding up into the hair on his neck as he lowers himself onto Harry's cock. 

He starts off slow, building them both up and getting used to the new position but once he has adjusted and found the perfect angle to make sure his prostate is hit each time he builds up speed.   
"Just like that baby, such a good boy. Going to make me come so hard baby." Niall kisses Harry, sloppy around their moans. The pressure is building up against, his toes curling and his back arching as it grows more intense. 

"Harry, I'm gonna come, can't stop fuck!" Nialls body jolts, his hips still keeping up their rhythm somehow as he spills over his and Harry stomach, a sound he is sure he never made before coming from him so loudly he is sure his neighbours will think he is some freak. 

"Oh shit." Harry follows closely grunting and biting down on Niall shoulder as he spills into the condom.   
"Oh god Niall, oh god." Niall starts to slow down working Harry through his high before coming to a stop, body falling boneless into Harry. Harry lays Niall down, chest heaving as he gently pulls out and takes the condom off. 

"I love you. I love you so much Harry." Harry shushes him, kissing over his face as he drifts off to sleep emotionally and physically drained. 

Xxxxx

When he wakes up its light outside, his arse hurts like hell and his alone in bed. 

His stomach drops and his whole body turns cold as he tries to convince himself that he is fine with this. He knew last night could have been a one off. He will be fine. He is a successful grown man who does not need another man to be happy. 

He throws the blanket off, glad to discover that Harry had cleaned his stomach before leaving. Ever the gentleman. 

He greets his teeth as he bends down for his pants, the pain from him bum shooting up his back.   
It's been a while since he was fucked that hard. 

Once he is dressed and had his morning piss he hobbles his way to the Kitchen trying his hardest to not burst into tears like a baby. 

Once again, he was a successful grown man who did not need another man to feel happy. 

A very successful man.  
He has his dream job.  
He has family.  
He got Liam back.  
He does not need another man to be happy. 

He comes to a stop by the fridge staring wide eyes at Harry flicking through a takeaway menu Niall had thrown to the side the other day and forgotten about. He has two steaming cups sat in front of him.

"Your here." Harry turns to face him.  
"Where else would I be? I don't have work today."  
"Work? Were do you work now?"  
"Oh, a friend of mine works at a primary school. Can't believe I didn't mention it last night, I teach music there. Bloody love it."   
"A friend?" Harry nods, sipping from his drink.  
"Yeah I have them don't you know." Niall shakes his head walking over to Harry. This is so not the conversation they should be having. 

"But you stayed. I thought you had left, I have been giving myself this speech about not needing a man, but you're sat here in my kitchen." Harry laughs, turning in his seat until he can pull Niall between his legs. 

"Well I fully agree that you don't need a man, but I hope you want one. Preferably me if possible." Niall feels like running outside and singing and dancing in the street. He feels so bloody great right now they he is sure it will be like a scene from Disney and everyone and all animals will join in with him. 

"You want that?" Harry pushes his face into Niall's belly, giving it a loud kiss before looking up at him.

"We have a lot more to talk about and work through and it's going to take some time to get back to what we where. But I would very much like to try. I have been miserable as sin these past four years and I am still as deeply in love with you as I hope you are with me, I think we where meant to find our way back to each other. It's what Liam and Louis keep telling me anyway. Our little fan club." Niall sobs, his hands covering his mouth. 

"You mean it." Harry giggles pulling niallls hands away from his mouth so he can lean up to kiss him.

"Of course I mean it. You're my person Niall and you always will be, forever." Niall kisses him hard, not letting him pull away until he is worried he will suffocate.

"It might take some hard work but we will be fine won't we." Niall laughs, wiping away tears that are finally the happiest tears Niall has ever cried. 

"We will always fine me and you.Forever"


	36. The end

1 year later

 

"Why does he even look like that? You know what he is don't you, he is one of those men that can make any straight as a post man have a gay night." 

"A gay night?" 

"Yeah, like if I was out with him and a little tipsy, you know what I might not even need to be tipsy. You just got to be out having a good time right, and he looks so unnaturally good that he would just say the word and you would bend for him. I would bend for him. I would let him top me." Niall looks away from Louis over to Zayn who was running around topless playing football with Liam and Cassie. He had Rae draped over his back screaming with laughter as he zoomed around the garden stealing the ball off Liam with ease. 

"You are a very strange man Louis."

"Why is he strange?" Harry comes up behind them, three bottles of beer clutched in his fingers. Niall and Louis take theirs off him as Niall nods towards Zayn. 

"Louis is getting a boner over Z."  
"A mental boner, my actual dick is still soft. Semi soft." Harry snorts, hand resting on Niall's hip as he pulls him closer into him.

"He is really pretty. Good dad, that's kind of a hot trait in someone. I got Niall by being a hot good dad." Niall rolls his eyes gently jabbing Harry with his elbow.

"I didn't realise when I organized this get together it would be a droll over Zayn day."

"Everyday should be droll over Zayn day."

"Seriously Lou?"

"No, no just think about this right. Look at Matthew." They all turn to Matthew who is sat crossed legged on a blanket playing with Elliott, who is throwing soft blocks up in the air laughing when they hit his dad. He manages to look like a blonde dreamboat the whole time.   
"Now look back at Zayn." Their heads snap back to Zayn who has stopped running to wipe at his forehead, dark locks falling over his eyes as he speaks to Rae. 

"Now just think, how good must they look having sex?" Harry hums chin resting on Niall shoulder. Niall does not even brother stopping that imagine from playing out in his head. 

"Oh god, they both just became even more attractive to me." Harry laughs playfully biting down on Niall's shoulder. 

"Your dad and Lisa are here by the way, they are just fussing over River then they will be out." River is the girl Niall met through Macy when he first went out for drinks with her and Liam. She was a wild handful but also the sweetest most amazing girl Niall had ever come across.   
She had slotted into this weird family unit they had going on really easily and had become like a sister to Niall.

There is a loud huff and then River is making her way out the back door and over to them, a frown on her beautiful face, long brown hair thrown up in a messy bun and her hand resting protectively over her massive baby bump. She had fallen pregnant after a one night stand with some loser who legged it as soon as she told him. She refused to tell any of them who the dad was but Niall was not concerned about him in the slightest and he knew she would rock this single mum stuff she was about to do. The fact that she would be moving in with him for the first few months also helped towards him not worrying for her. 

"Hey baby girl, let's go get you a seat." Niall pecks Harry on the lips before hooking his arm with Rivers to walk her over to the others. 

"You boys admiring the married couple again." 

"I don't know what you're on about." Niall helps River lower into the chair, before crouching down to his knees to remove her shoes, giving each of her swollen ankles a little rub. 

"Can I get you anything? Drink, snack, some shade?" 

"On my god Niall I'm pregnant not dying. I'm all good honey, just sit yourselves next to me and chat. Them two drooling men over there can do the hosting for a bit." Niall chuckles looking back over to Louis and Harry, who has been joined by Bobby and Lisa. Louis was in fact still drooling over Zayn. Harry though was watching Niall, red cheeked and dazed. Niall was sure it got Harry hot under the collar watching him fuss over a pregnant River. 

Niall grabs another chair, settling next to River as Macy and Cassie come over to 'oo' and 'ah' at how good she looks with her pregnancy glow. Niall knew how this conversation went and soon they would be talking about boobs and stuff Niall didn't need to hear about. 

Zayn ran up to them, falling to the floor with Rae flopping onto his stomach, her little hands smacking against his chest.  
Matthew throws him his top as Elliott gets up on wobbly legs to come over to the group. 

The rest join soon after, Harry mumbling about starting the BBQ soon as he clambers to the floor all Bambi limbs. He is way too cute as far as Niall is concerned.

Niall chats to his dad for a bit then zones out from the conversation going on around him as he watches Harry with Rae and Elliott.   
The relationship he had with the kids was amazing. The many nights spent babysitting had made them both bond with the kids so much. It still blew Niall's mind when he thinks about his close friendship with Zayn and his kids.   
He never saw his future being anything like this five years ago, but he was so glad him and Zayn sorted their shit out and that Liam and Harry had been so good about them being friends again. Actual friends this time that only wanted good for each other. 

Zayn was like a brother to him in the same way that Liam was and he loved him to bits.

Rae poked at Harry's beer in his hand before slapping his chin to get his attention away from her brother. 

"What you drinking uncle Harry? Me want some."

"I would like some please, and it's special juice so you can't have any. Sorry love."Rae pouts squashing Harry's cheeks together until his lips pouted out. Niall laughed making eye contact with Zayn over Harry's head. 

"Why is the juice special? I am special so I should have some. Please." Harry gently removed her hands from his face, kissing each on before dropping them.

"It makes you poop loads." Rae's face screws up while Elliott makes a wet gurgling noise that sounded and awful lot like 'poop' to Niall.  Zayn rolls his eyes laying back down with a huff. Rae turns to Niall, tongue flopping out.

"Ewwwwww. Uncle Niall you kiss a poopy face." Niall takes a quick swig of his drink, nodding. 

"He is he biggest poopy face ever." Harry playfully glares at them before passing Elliott over to Zayn and getting up. 

"I'm gonna go start the meat, Louis come help me do the man stuff." Louis groans, untangling himself from Cassie so he can go help. 

"Are you gonna put a top on Zayn?  My pregnant hormones are not coping with this baby topless mix you got going on." 

"Honestly guys, you all make me feel like a piece of meat."

"A piece of hot meat!" Louis calls over his shoulder. Cassie wolf whistles and waggles her eyebrows. 

"That piece of meat is my husband, only I get to take a bite ladies and gentlemen." 

"Can't stop us from looking though." Macy pipes up with a smirk. Liam's head whips in her direction so fast Niall is sure he got whiplash just watching him. 

 

xxxxx

Once everyone had eaten and were flopping about the garden in a food daze Harry grabbed himself another bottle of beer, making sure everyone else was holding a drink of some kind before standing in front of them all.

"Right everyone, time for the toast." 

"Why do we always have to do a toast when we all get together here? Remember when we used to get together at Niall's flat and just get pissed." Louis moaned with a pout.

"Remember when we made a deal  not to swear in front of kids." Matthew speaks up glaring across at Louis.

"Remember when we last got drunk and Niall nearly kissed Liam." Niall laughs loudly while Liam blushed and Harry frowned. 

"Nearly? I thought they did!"  
"No, it was Macy and River, or was it Harry and Lou?" 

"Harry, why don't you get on with your toast before I hear something I don't want to." Bobby interrupted turning the attention back to Harry.

"Thank you Bobby, right the toast. Me and Niall decided to have everyone here today because there seems far too much to celebrate at once. So firstly lets toast to Louis and Cassie on their engagement, Cassie you are a beautiful woman and I am over the moon to know Louis has found someone so perfectly matched to his unique yet lovable personalty. Louis if you upset her I will slap you and not be your friend for like a day." Everyone cheered and took a sip while Louis looked horrified.   

"We have never gone a day not being friends." He whispers to Cassie, who just pats his cheeks and kisses him in reply. 

"Next I would like to congratulate Zayn and Matthew on their news that they have been accepted to adopt baby number three, I personally cannot wait to see your family grow and steal them all." Zayn laughed sipping at his soda as Mathew drinks from his beer, face flushed with happiness.  

"Of course we have to make a toast to River who will become a mother for the first time in the next two weeks, but if the baby is as stubborn as you then we will have a longer wait i'm sure. I cannot wait to be what I hope is a big role in this babies life and I hope you love every seconds of it River, its the best thing you are ever going to experience." River smiles, cuddling up to Niall as he places kisses on the side of her head. 

"And the most important one to me, I would like to make a toast to Niall finally saying yes to giving up his bachelor pad to officially move in with me. I love you baby, and I can't wait to wake up to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night." Niall raises his bottle towards Harry, chest swelling with the amount of love he had for the man in front of him.

"I love you too, so much." Bobby leans over to pat Niall on the knee, beaming at him before getting up to give Harry one of them manly back slapping hugs. 

Niall moves to sit next to Lisa taking one of her hands in his.

"Hey Lisa, you having a nice time?"

"Oh yes love. Hard not to with all this happiness and love in the air. How lucky am I to have all you silly rascals in my life."

"About as lucky as we are to have you I would say." Lisa smiles, bringing Niall's hand up to kiss. 

"You remember that time I came here, all those years ago to have that chat with you?" Niall nods, the guilt about the way he treated Lisa still heavy in his stomach.

"I could see the love between you two you know. You and Harry. I knew then, as soon as I saw him look at you, I knew there was something more there. So when Bobby told me about it I was not surprised at all. I told him that too. This kind of love does not come round that often, the kind that is just so real and so strong that it spread's. The love you have for each other is what keeps this group so alive and so happy. I just know you are going to have the best kind of life with him and I am the luckiest woman alive to get to watch it." Niall's throat goes tight and he has to work extra hard to swallow. He looks over to Harry, who is smiling at whatever Bobby is saying to him, maybe something a bit like what Lisa just said. Niall knows how good he has it. How exceptional Harry is and how he is beyond blessed to get to call Harry his. 

When he was sixteen and he had his first kiss with Harry, just upstairs in the bathroom, he never thought it would end up here. He never imagined falling in love so much, never imagined Harry would become the reason for every good thing in his life. And he was, he was the reason Niall breathed, the reason Niall smiled, the reason Niall wrote, the reason Niall loved. Harry was just Niall's reason. His person. His life. 

"I'm going to marry him. God i'm going to marry him and have a herd of kids and just love him for the rest of my life." Lisa nods, wiping at her eyes.

"I know you are. You're both going to have the most amazing time doing it all, you blessed boy." Yeah, god yeah he was blessed.

xxxxxxxx

 

It was dark now and half the group had ventured back into the house. Niall, Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn where bundled together watching as the sun went down and the stars started popping out one by one. 

Harry had his guitar placed by his leg and he smiled at the group as he leaned forward to pick it up. 

"What one tonight lads?" Niall closed his eyes, leaning his head against Harry shoulders, happy to let one of the other pick tonight. 

"Night changes." Liam is the one to pick and they all agree, Harry shuffling around to get more comfy. He plays a few notes then nods over to Zayn to start. 

"Going out tonight, changes into something red,Her mother doesn't like that kind of dress Everything she never had, she's showing off." Niall always gets a shiver when he hears Zayn sing. Zayn would sing all the time, not even aware he was doing it most the time but there was something extra special when they all done this together. 

"Driving too fast, moon is breaking through her hair She's heading for something that she won't forget Having no regrets is all that she really wants" Harry's lip quirk up a little. Niall loves how proud Harry always looks when he hears Liam sing, even though he had heard it a million times by now. 

"Everything that you've ever dreamed of, disappearing when you wake up,but there's nothing to be afraid of, even when the night changes, it will never change me and you." Harry looks down at Niall as he sings, Niall cheeks flushing at the raspy tone to his voice. Niall had been quite surprised when a few weeks after his return Harry told him that he had turned the whole of the notebook Niall gave him into songs. He had dragged Niall up to his bedroom and shoved four disks at him, practically demanding him to put them in the CD player. Niall had sat quietly listening to the first two, letting the sound of Harry singing his words wash over him. They made love through the next two.

"Chasing her tonight, doubts are running 'round her head, he's waiting, hides behind a cigarette, heart is beating loud and she doesn't want it to stop" Louis sang next, his voice perfect as always. He is not sure how they first time they all sang together happened. He imagines alcohol must have been involved. When they discovered they could all sing pretty well, and that it felt amazing when they done it, it just became a thing. 

"Moving too fast, moon is lighting up her skin, she's falling, doesn't even know it yet, having no regrets is all that she really wants." Harry looks down at him as he starts singing again, and Niall cant take his eyes off him for the rest of the song, barely hearing the others sing again and ignores the nudge Liam gives him when he misses his part. Zayn sings it instead so he figures he is doing them all a favor. 

He blinks out of his daze when Harry stops playing and lays the guitar down again snapping them all out of the moment. 

"I better head of fellas, the kids will be a nightmare tomorrow if they don't go to bed soon. Thanks for having us over." They all call out a goodbye watching Zayn make his way across the garden and into the house.

"Just look at that."

"Louis!" Louis laughs getting to his feet.

"I need to head off too, I got to grade some papers ready for Monday. Should probably go have sex with my future wife to remind my dick that it likes pussy, it gets very confused around that boy." Niall giggles into Harry's side, waving good bye at Louis as he leaves. 

Liam is next, yawning and stretching before bending down to give them both a kiss.

"Love you both. See you tomorrow to help with the last of your stuff yeah Ni?" 

"Yes please, thank you. Love you Li."

"Love you Son."

"Love you Dad." 

They both watch Liam go into the house closing the door behind him.

"How long do you think I can leave it before I make a joke about being his Dad? Should I say Dad or Daddy?" 

"If you want him to punch you. I would let him do it too." Niall chuckle turns into a yelp when Harry's hand sneaks up his top to pinch his nipple. 

"You do realize that when we have kids I will be the father of his brother. Just saying." Harry starts kissing along his neck, hands flattening out over his stomach.

"We having kids?"

"Oh yeah, loads." Harry moans biting at Niall's ears.

"Getting me hard just thinking about it baby." Niall leans his head back so he can kiss Harry on the mouth, hand raising up to tangle in his hair, the short strands once again familiar to his fingertips. 

"Want it all with you don't I. Kids, marriage, joint bank accounts. All that sexy stuff." Harry laughs against Niall's lips.  

"Thank you for coming back Niall. Thank you for giving me this. You're my whole world, I want to spend everyday with you for the rest of my life. I can't believe how much I love you, could burst with it."

"Me too. Thank you for giving me another chance. This has been the most amazing year ever and the years to come are going to be even better. I just... I love you with every single part of me. Falling for you was the best thing I could have ever done. I love us." Harry smiles, fingers running through Niall's hair.

"I love us too." 

Sometimes Niall will think about this too much. How he went from this angry sixteen year old boy tearing his life to pieces, to what he is now and it will make his tear up a little. 

Losing someone you love is the worse pain in the world. When Niall lost his mum he almost let it ruin his life. 

That pain does go though. Niall just had to learn to let himself feel it instead of trying to cover it up with something else. He had to learn to feel his pain and then he had to learn to just love instead. He learnt to love himself and his family and his friends. The rest Harry done for him really. Harry took the last few broken parts of him and carefully put them back together with gentle touches, soft kisses and words of love. 

Niall misses his mum everyday and he wished with all his heart that she could be here to see how in love Niall was, how perfect his life was turning out to be. 

Maybe she was though. Maybe she was that force that pushed Niall do to all the things he loved. The force that pushed Niall and Harry back together again.

Things where pretty good and he had a feeling they would only get better. 

Breathing and loving never felt as good as they did right now, when it was Harry he breathed for and Harry he loved. Niall could not wait for the rest of his life with this perfect man. 


End file.
